शैडोइंग अभ्यास: Best Mom Jokes | Max Amini | Stand-up Comedy - YouTube के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

What's your name?

⏸ रुका हुआ

गति:

397 वाक्य

यदि वाक्य बहुत छोटे या लंबे हों, तो समायोजित करने के लिए Edit पर क्लिक करें।

What's your name?

Leo.

Leo?

Pleasure, my buddy.

Who are you here with?

With my mom.

With your mom?

Wow, what a nice son you are.

This is your mom?

No, my mom's son.

Your mom's sitting somewhere else?

What a shit son you are.

You take the third row,

you give your mom the tenth row?

Mom, what's your name?

Oh my God, that's your mom?

Hi, Mom.

Please come sit here.

What's your name, Mom?

I'm Monazor.

Huh?

I'm not talking to you, bitch.

I'm talking...

Are you trying to say I'm cross-thigh or some shit?

I'm looking at the hot-ass blonde,

row 12, third seat, and the guy next to her has got a hard-on.

Sir, take it easy.

Sorry, Mom.

Cock blocker, row four.

Darling, what's your name?

Lana.

Pleasure.

Thank you so much for bringing Leo to the show.

This is really nice, and you're such a great mother.

You were like, Leo, this is not appropriate for your age.

But because I raised you such a mature man,

I'm gonna take you with Mommy to enjoy the best comedy show in the world, Sally.

People smuggle kids into my show.

This is history what's happening right now.

Can I ask you a question?

I'm just wondering, what is your relationship status?

Divorced.

Ah, I'm so sorry.

If you ever need somebody to talk to,

I'm always here for you.

I just want you to know.

And currently what is your strategy of dating?

Do you do you are you on any dating apps?

You're focusing on your son.

When your son is a very mature grown-up.

He doesn't need any focus.

It's time for him to move out of the house if you ask me.

I think it's time Leo to go get his own place.

I'm more than happy to consult this topic with you.

Okay Lana, so you're single and you're such a kind mom

that you sacrifice your life for your son Leo

And I admire you for that Leo you're very lucky to have a mom this cool,

this beautiful, this amazing

And sincerely I will tell you you will be even more lucky if you have me as your stepfather

I'm gonna choose one couple to bring them on stage and I'm gonna play this game with them.

This couple is gonna win the best gift they've ever won in their life.

Which couple wants to come on stage?

Raise your hand.

Okay, I got nothing here.

I don't like you.

Too much energy.

This one here, you wanna come on stage?

These two are cute.

Come, come, you two come.

Come on stage, go that way, go that way.

Look at this big boy.

What's up, my man?

How you doing, buddy?

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Please, you can stay here.

Yeah.

And what's your name?

Mike.

And what's your name?

Corinne.

Mike and Corinne.

Mike, any secrets that you have that she doesn't know?

Probably?

Yeah.

Good or bad?

It's all good secrets.

It's all good secrets?

I was always honest with you.

Do you have any secrets,

anything that you know that your husband doesn't know?

Just one.

Just one?

Wow.

What's his name?

Do you think this secret is going to be a very big news?

Something that is going to really,

100

like, boom, explode this guy?

101

Boom.

102

Yeah?

103

Why, because of Lebanese?

104

No, I think because size matters.

105

It just matters, you know.

106

Okay, Corinne, tell this man the secret that you have.

107

Okay, hold on.

108

Oh my God, don't take your clothes off there are kids in the audience.

109

You're gonna take something out of your bag?

110

Yeah.

111

I wanna take it, take my life away Oh, that's so beautiful, man.

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Mike, Mike, congratulations, my brother.

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And congratulations to you.

114

This lady is so incredible.

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She wanted to reveal to her husband that she's pregnant.

116

And I have a secret that I wanna reveal to Mike.

117

It's my baby.

118

Your mom is here with her group and you want me to make fun of your mom?

119

You lost your mind?

120

You know tonight after the show you have to go home with your mom, right?

121

You want to sleep on the streets?

122

Which one is your mom?

123

The blonde?

124

That's your mom?

125

Mom, I'm gonna make fun of you.

126

You give me your phone number right now.

127

I'm gonna call you and I'm gonna make all kinds of jokes about you.

128

That's your mom?

129

I'm actually, I don't have any kids.

130

I would love to adopt you.

131

That's what I'm saying.

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I would love to adopt you.

133

Anybody here goes to a medium?

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Yeah, you do?

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Who did you want to connect with?

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My son.

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Oh, your son.

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Oh my God.

139

Well, first of all, sorry to hear that probably the hardest thing in life is to lose a child.

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I lost two children.

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You lost two children?

142

My God, my God, my heart goes to you because I don't think anybody can imagine the the difficultness.

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Did you feel better after the experience?

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Yes, and you had some closure, you had some connection.

145

Oh, that's amazing.

146

And what's your name?

147

Renee.

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Well, thank you for sharing.

149

This is incredible.

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And who are you here with?

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My friend Joanna.

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Your friend Joanna.

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She doesn't seem like a nice person.

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Sorry.

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She seems nice.

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There's always one bitch in the friendship, I'm just saying.

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But Renee, thank you for tolerating her, yeah?

158

But no, I only just made that joke because she grabbed her hand and she was getting the f*** off of me.

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So you lost two of your sons,

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two of your kids, two different times.

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Oh my God.

162

And are you married?

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Yes, I am now.

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You're now married.

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I lost him to my first marriage.

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You lost your husband also?

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No. My first marriage.

168

This is the only time you were like,

169

I wish I lost him.

170

Rula, where are you from?

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Syria.

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Syria.

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And you?

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Her daughter?

175

No. This mom and a daughter?

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Wow.

177

Both of you so hot and so young.

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This is incredible.

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You love having a young mom?

180

Does it make you uncomfortable when men hit on her in front of you?

181

You got used to it,

182

so in the beginning it was very difficult.

183

But then you're like, oh,

184

story of my life every day.

185

Hot mom, what do I do?

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That's cool, like, but, but, huh?

187

Knock it off.

188

Knock it off?

189

Is that your lady?

190

Is that your lady?

191

I'm her brother.

192

Oh.

193

So far, the conversation has been halal.

194

Relax.

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I am only giving compliments.

196

She's single, why do you think?

197

Because of you.

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Lock it off.

199

She's gonna go through her whole life being single again.

200

She's taken.

201

She's not taken, when I say single people she claps.

202

I am paying attention, Habibi.

203

You're adorable buddy, how old are you?

204

Almost 12.

205

Almost 12?

206

So you're 11.

207

There's so many kids here, huh?

208

You guys don't give a shit.

209

He loves me, I love him too,

210

but he can watch me on YouTube.

211

What's your name?

212

I'm Michael.

213

Where are you from?

214

What's your background?

215

Um, you're asking your mom?

216

She didn't tell you?

217

Tell me the truth.

218

Your mom's a liar.

219

Tell me.

220

Tell me exactly where you're at.

221

What country?

222

Filipino and Persian.

223

Half Filipino, half Persian.

224

That's so beautiful.

225

Well, now I'm really happy you're here.

226

What is your mom going to tell you?

227

She was going to teach you some lying, yeah?

228

Is your mom Persian?

229

Yeah, that's why she interfered our conversation.

230

See, me

231

and you are having a conversation It's very rude for somebody

232

to go Let me tell you where you're from Don't tell him everything

233

There are other people here They're going to find out a lot about our family Don't say everything

234

Tell him you're also from Mexico He would never know He's a stupid comedian

235

Tell him you're Mexican And then say hola Because here hola He would never know the difference

236

I love that you're an honest man.

237

You're gonna grow up to be a good man, yeah?

238

Half Filipino, half Persian.

239

That's a very balanced mix.

240

Yeah?

241

You are very lucky.

242

You know that?

243

You probably don't have so much hair.

244

You're gonna be very balanced.

245

Just enough.

246

Filipino, look at your dad.

247

He looks like a penguin.

248

This is fantastic.

249

No hair on your father.

250

Look how sexy that dad looks.

251

He's just like, slip and slide.

252

Look at your mom, she just shaved her mustache.

253

This is a fantastic mix.

254

You're the luckiest 11 year old in this audience, you understand?

255

Tell him I never had a mustache.

256

I mazed it off, it never came back.

257

I don't shave all up.

258

Tell her it's okay, mommy.

259

What are you doing?

260

What?

261

It's my birthday!

262

Oh my God.

263

That's beautiful.

264

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

265

What I love, birthday girl.

266

Everybody in this room should have that energy right there.

267

I swear.

268

Do you do a lot of drugs?

269

Three shots?

270

Two shots.

271

Two shots.

272

I have a baby at home.

273

You do?

274

Who's taking care of your baby?

275

Dad.

276

Okay.

277

Broke, all of us are moms.

278

All of you guys are moms.

279

Guess who doesn't give a shit?

280

Do me a favor, don't fall off the balcony, okay?

281

We don't wanna have your birthday and your funeral at the same time.

282

Look at that dress.

283

Oh my God.

284

Wow.

285

Lady, what a beautiful dress.

286

You look like a chandelier.

287

My God.

288

You thought this is a Maximini wedding?

289

That's your daughter?

290

Daughter, how old are you?

291

15. 15, my God.

292

What's your name?

293

My father's from Hong Kong, but China.

294

Really?

295

Oh, that's beautiful.

296

Your father is Chinese, your mom's Persian, and you're perfect.

297

That's incredible.

298

That's adorable.

299

Very nice to meet you, Elizabeth.

300

You're a very special, very, very beautiful human.

301

You know why?

302

Because you come from two different backgrounds.

303

And I love this.

304

I really love mixed kids.

305

First of all, any race mixed with Chinese comes out beautiful.

306

Elizabeth, where is your dad?

307

About here.

308

You guys are separated?

309

Yeah, but where is he?

310

At home, but his girlfriend.

311

Oh yeah, he's got a girlfriend too?

312

What a player, huh?

313

They have one dollar?

314

Oh, okay.

315

You know, sometimes my parents are separated too.

316

My parents are divorced.

317

When you get married, you'll be very experienced because you have a better marriage.

318

Your mom, really, gosh, you'll do a lot better, you know?

319

I have one older brother.

320

You also have an older brother?

321

What marriage is that one from?

322

Elizabeth, you are the most brilliant 15-year-old ever.

323

I really enjoyed this conversation.

324

You're really fun.

325

Tell me more about your family.

326

My mother is cheating right now on her boyfriend.

327

My mom, she's so funny,

328

if she wants me to do something,

329

she'll do whatever it takes for it to happen.

330

Like, she's very persistent, my mom.

331

I was coming back from DC and the TSA got me because I had eye cream in my bag.

332

Now it wasn't mine, my mom had shoved it in there.

333

The conversation was like, would you like some eye cream?

334

I'm like, no, I don't use eye cream.

335

And she goes, why not?

336

You look like a lizard.

337

Thank you, Mom.

338

I don't want eye cream.

339

I go to the airport,

340

and the TSA is not nice, man.

341

These ladies that work there are, sir, sir, sir.

342

Yes?

343

You have eye cream, sir?

344

I'm like, yeah, oh my God.

345

Oh my God, I said my mom put it in my bag.

346

It's illegal, sir.

347

And she was yelling at me so much,

348

it made me like, I was like,

349

again, I'm like, let's have fun with this.

350

I was like, illegal?

351

Ma'am, what am I gonna do with a night cream?

352

What do you do with a night cream?

353

Am I gonna get on the plane and scream at everybody,

354

hey, today I'm gonna moisturize everybody in here.

355

Captain, you look like a lizard.

356

What am I?

357

So she's like, you cannot take this through.

358

And I was just like,

359

I'm going to take it through.

360

I took the whole eye cream.

361

I put it in my hand.

362

Walked through that metal detector like a man.

363

Took a selfie on the other side.

364

Hashtag lizard man.

365

Send it to my mom.

366

Clap if you're single.

367

Let me see how many single people you're...

368

Clap, clap, clap.

369

Single, single.

370

You guys are single?

371

That's your mom?

372

What a cool mother clapping for being single.

373

You're gorgeous, mom.

374

I say, who's single?

375

Mom claps so hard.

376

Mom, how old are you?

377

84 years old, clapping for a new boyfriend.

378

84, baby!

379

Love you, mom.

380

Age is just a number.

381

Her spirit is so young,

382

she's like, let's go to comedy,

383

I wanna laugh and find a new boyfriend.

384

I love you.

385

Good for you, mom, good for you.

386

Who else is single?

387

Clap, this guy's single, these guys, who else?

388

Clap, clap, let me see.

389

This guy, oh, those two are very single.

390

This one is single.

391

Guy, how old are you?

392

46. Okay, I got something for you.

393

Mom, 46.

394

Fantastic, right there.

395

Yeah?

396

You sure?

397

What you, you sure?

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