ฝึกพูดภาษาอังกฤษด้วยเทคนิค Shadowing จากวิดีโอ: Best Mom Jokes | Max Amini | Stand-up Comedy

What's your name?

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What's your name?

Leo.

Leo?

Pleasure, my buddy.

Who are you here with?

With my mom.

With your mom?

Wow, what a nice son you are.

This is your mom?

No, my mom's son.

Your mom's sitting somewhere else?

What a shit son you are.

You take the third row,

you give your mom the tenth row?

Mom, what's your name?

Oh my God, that's your mom?

Hi, Mom.

Please come sit here.

What's your name, Mom?

I'm Monazor.

Huh?

I'm not talking to you, bitch.

I'm talking...

Are you trying to say I'm cross-thigh or some shit?

I'm looking at the hot-ass blonde,

row 12, third seat, and the guy next to her has got a hard-on.

Sir, take it easy.

Sorry, Mom.

Cock blocker, row four.

Darling, what's your name?

Lana.

Pleasure.

Thank you so much for bringing Leo to the show.

This is really nice, and you're such a great mother.

You were like, Leo, this is not appropriate for your age.

But because I raised you such a mature man,

I'm gonna take you with Mommy to enjoy the best comedy show in the world, Sally.

People smuggle kids into my show.

This is history what's happening right now.

Can I ask you a question?

I'm just wondering, what is your relationship status?

Divorced.

Ah, I'm so sorry.

If you ever need somebody to talk to,

I'm always here for you.

I just want you to know.

And currently what is your strategy of dating?

Do you do you are you on any dating apps?

You're focusing on your son.

When your son is a very mature grown-up.

He doesn't need any focus.

It's time for him to move out of the house if you ask me.

I think it's time Leo to go get his own place.

I'm more than happy to consult this topic with you.

Okay Lana, so you're single and you're such a kind mom

that you sacrifice your life for your son Leo

And I admire you for that Leo you're very lucky to have a mom this cool,

this beautiful, this amazing

And sincerely I will tell you you will be even more lucky if you have me as your stepfather

I'm gonna choose one couple to bring them on stage and I'm gonna play this game with them.

This couple is gonna win the best gift they've ever won in their life.

Which couple wants to come on stage?

Raise your hand.

Okay, I got nothing here.

I don't like you.

Too much energy.

This one here, you wanna come on stage?

These two are cute.

Come, come, you two come.

Come on stage, go that way, go that way.

Look at this big boy.

What's up, my man?

How you doing, buddy?

Hi.

Nice to meet you.

Please, you can stay here.

Yeah.

And what's your name?

Mike.

And what's your name?

Corinne.

Mike and Corinne.

Mike, any secrets that you have that she doesn't know?

Probably?

Yeah.

Good or bad?

It's all good secrets.

It's all good secrets?

I was always honest with you.

Do you have any secrets,

anything that you know that your husband doesn't know?

Just one.

Just one?

Wow.

What's his name?

Do you think this secret is going to be a very big news?

Something that is going to really,

100

like, boom, explode this guy?

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Boom.

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Yeah?

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Why, because of Lebanese?

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No, I think because size matters.

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It just matters, you know.

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Okay, Corinne, tell this man the secret that you have.

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Okay, hold on.

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Oh my God, don't take your clothes off there are kids in the audience.

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You're gonna take something out of your bag?

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Yeah.

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I wanna take it, take my life away Oh, that's so beautiful, man.

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Mike, Mike, congratulations, my brother.

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And congratulations to you.

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This lady is so incredible.

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She wanted to reveal to her husband that she's pregnant.

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And I have a secret that I wanna reveal to Mike.

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It's my baby.

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Your mom is here with her group and you want me to make fun of your mom?

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You lost your mind?

120

You know tonight after the show you have to go home with your mom, right?

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You want to sleep on the streets?

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Which one is your mom?

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The blonde?

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That's your mom?

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Mom, I'm gonna make fun of you.

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You give me your phone number right now.

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I'm gonna call you and I'm gonna make all kinds of jokes about you.

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That's your mom?

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I'm actually, I don't have any kids.

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I would love to adopt you.

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That's what I'm saying.

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I would love to adopt you.

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Anybody here goes to a medium?

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Yeah, you do?

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Who did you want to connect with?

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My son.

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Oh, your son.

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Oh my God.

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Well, first of all, sorry to hear that probably the hardest thing in life is to lose a child.

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I lost two children.

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You lost two children?

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My God, my God, my heart goes to you because I don't think anybody can imagine the the difficultness.

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Did you feel better after the experience?

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Yes, and you had some closure, you had some connection.

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Oh, that's amazing.

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And what's your name?

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Renee.

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Well, thank you for sharing.

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This is incredible.

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And who are you here with?

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My friend Joanna.

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Your friend Joanna.

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She doesn't seem like a nice person.

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Sorry.

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She seems nice.

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There's always one bitch in the friendship, I'm just saying.

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But Renee, thank you for tolerating her, yeah?

158

But no, I only just made that joke because she grabbed her hand and she was getting the f*** off of me.

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So you lost two of your sons,

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two of your kids, two different times.

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Oh my God.

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And are you married?

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Yes, I am now.

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You're now married.

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I lost him to my first marriage.

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You lost your husband also?

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No. My first marriage.

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This is the only time you were like,

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I wish I lost him.

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Rula, where are you from?

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Syria.

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Syria.

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And you?

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Her daughter?

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No. This mom and a daughter?

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Wow.

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Both of you so hot and so young.

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This is incredible.

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You love having a young mom?

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Does it make you uncomfortable when men hit on her in front of you?

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You got used to it,

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so in the beginning it was very difficult.

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But then you're like, oh,

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story of my life every day.

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Hot mom, what do I do?

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That's cool, like, but, but, huh?

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Knock it off.

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Knock it off?

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Is that your lady?

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Is that your lady?

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I'm her brother.

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Oh.

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So far, the conversation has been halal.

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Relax.

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I am only giving compliments.

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She's single, why do you think?

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Because of you.

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Lock it off.

199

She's gonna go through her whole life being single again.

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She's taken.

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She's not taken, when I say single people she claps.

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I am paying attention, Habibi.

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You're adorable buddy, how old are you?

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Almost 12.

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Almost 12?

206

So you're 11.

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There's so many kids here, huh?

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You guys don't give a shit.

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He loves me, I love him too,

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but he can watch me on YouTube.

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What's your name?

212

I'm Michael.

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Where are you from?

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What's your background?

215

Um, you're asking your mom?

216

She didn't tell you?

217

Tell me the truth.

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Your mom's a liar.

219

Tell me.

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Tell me exactly where you're at.

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What country?

222

Filipino and Persian.

223

Half Filipino, half Persian.

224

That's so beautiful.

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Well, now I'm really happy you're here.

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What is your mom going to tell you?

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She was going to teach you some lying, yeah?

228

Is your mom Persian?

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Yeah, that's why she interfered our conversation.

230

See, me

231

and you are having a conversation It's very rude for somebody

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to go Let me tell you where you're from Don't tell him everything

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There are other people here They're going to find out a lot about our family Don't say everything

234

Tell him you're also from Mexico He would never know He's a stupid comedian

235

Tell him you're Mexican And then say hola Because here hola He would never know the difference

236

I love that you're an honest man.

237

You're gonna grow up to be a good man, yeah?

238

Half Filipino, half Persian.

239

That's a very balanced mix.

240

Yeah?

241

You are very lucky.

242

You know that?

243

You probably don't have so much hair.

244

You're gonna be very balanced.

245

Just enough.

246

Filipino, look at your dad.

247

He looks like a penguin.

248

This is fantastic.

249

No hair on your father.

250

Look how sexy that dad looks.

251

He's just like, slip and slide.

252

Look at your mom, she just shaved her mustache.

253

This is a fantastic mix.

254

You're the luckiest 11 year old in this audience, you understand?

255

Tell him I never had a mustache.

256

I mazed it off, it never came back.

257

I don't shave all up.

258

Tell her it's okay, mommy.

259

What are you doing?

260

What?

261

It's my birthday!

262

Oh my God.

263

That's beautiful.

264

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

265

What I love, birthday girl.

266

Everybody in this room should have that energy right there.

267

I swear.

268

Do you do a lot of drugs?

269

Three shots?

270

Two shots.

271

Two shots.

272

I have a baby at home.

273

You do?

274

Who's taking care of your baby?

275

Dad.

276

Okay.

277

Broke, all of us are moms.

278

All of you guys are moms.

279

Guess who doesn't give a shit?

280

Do me a favor, don't fall off the balcony, okay?

281

We don't wanna have your birthday and your funeral at the same time.

282

Look at that dress.

283

Oh my God.

284

Wow.

285

Lady, what a beautiful dress.

286

You look like a chandelier.

287

My God.

288

You thought this is a Maximini wedding?

289

That's your daughter?

290

Daughter, how old are you?

291

15. 15, my God.

292

What's your name?

293

My father's from Hong Kong, but China.

294

Really?

295

Oh, that's beautiful.

296

Your father is Chinese, your mom's Persian, and you're perfect.

297

That's incredible.

298

That's adorable.

299

Very nice to meet you, Elizabeth.

300

You're a very special, very, very beautiful human.

301

You know why?

302

Because you come from two different backgrounds.

303

And I love this.

304

I really love mixed kids.

305

First of all, any race mixed with Chinese comes out beautiful.

306

Elizabeth, where is your dad?

307

About here.

308

You guys are separated?

309

Yeah, but where is he?

310

At home, but his girlfriend.

311

Oh yeah, he's got a girlfriend too?

312

What a player, huh?

313

They have one dollar?

314

Oh, okay.

315

You know, sometimes my parents are separated too.

316

My parents are divorced.

317

When you get married, you'll be very experienced because you have a better marriage.

318

Your mom, really, gosh, you'll do a lot better, you know?

319

I have one older brother.

320

You also have an older brother?

321

What marriage is that one from?

322

Elizabeth, you are the most brilliant 15-year-old ever.

323

I really enjoyed this conversation.

324

You're really fun.

325

Tell me more about your family.

326

My mother is cheating right now on her boyfriend.

327

My mom, she's so funny,

328

if she wants me to do something,

329

she'll do whatever it takes for it to happen.

330

Like, she's very persistent, my mom.

331

I was coming back from DC and the TSA got me because I had eye cream in my bag.

332

Now it wasn't mine, my mom had shoved it in there.

333

The conversation was like, would you like some eye cream?

334

I'm like, no, I don't use eye cream.

335

And she goes, why not?

336

You look like a lizard.

337

Thank you, Mom.

338

I don't want eye cream.

339

I go to the airport,

340

and the TSA is not nice, man.

341

These ladies that work there are, sir, sir, sir.

342

Yes?

343

You have eye cream, sir?

344

I'm like, yeah, oh my God.

345

Oh my God, I said my mom put it in my bag.

346

It's illegal, sir.

347

And she was yelling at me so much,

348

it made me like, I was like,

349

again, I'm like, let's have fun with this.

350

I was like, illegal?

351

Ma'am, what am I gonna do with a night cream?

352

What do you do with a night cream?

353

Am I gonna get on the plane and scream at everybody,

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hey, today I'm gonna moisturize everybody in here.

355

Captain, you look like a lizard.

356

What am I?

357

So she's like, you cannot take this through.

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And I was just like,

359

I'm going to take it through.

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I took the whole eye cream.

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I put it in my hand.

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Walked through that metal detector like a man.

363

Took a selfie on the other side.

364

Hashtag lizard man.

365

Send it to my mom.

366

Clap if you're single.

367

Let me see how many single people you're...

368

Clap, clap, clap.

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Single, single.

370

You guys are single?

371

That's your mom?

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What a cool mother clapping for being single.

373

You're gorgeous, mom.

374

I say, who's single?

375

Mom claps so hard.

376

Mom, how old are you?

377

84 years old, clapping for a new boyfriend.

378

84, baby!

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Love you, mom.

380

Age is just a number.

381

Her spirit is so young,

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she's like, let's go to comedy,

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I wanna laugh and find a new boyfriend.

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I love you.

385

Good for you, mom, good for you.

386

Who else is single?

387

Clap, this guy's single, these guys, who else?

388

Clap, clap, let me see.

389

This guy, oh, those two are very single.

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This one is single.

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Guy, how old are you?

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46. Okay, I got something for you.

393

Mom, 46.

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Fantastic, right there.

395

Yeah?

396

You sure?

397

What you, you sure?

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