Pratica di Shadowing: Most People Get Confidence Completely Wrong... - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
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You know, one of the exercises that I do in my masterclasses
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and sessions is that I let people present and look at themselves in a video format.
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Nine out of 10 people do not want to watch that video.
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And this is them just speaking.
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You know, it's something that we do every day.
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And you don't want to watch yourself as you're doing that.
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I think it's so hard.
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It takes bravery and guts to take a hard look in the mirror or even a look.
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It doesn't even need to be hard.
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Just look at yourself.
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Quick glance.
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Yeah, like what's going on?
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Do I feel good in my own body?
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Am I safe?
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Does this feel right?
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And then go, no. What am I going to do about that?
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No. And this is where friends and accountability partners are amazing because they will tell you.
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They love you so much.
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They'll tell you as it is.
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So you do share how public speaking is a way to meet your insecurities.
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And I think that, you know, a lot of people look at public speaking and go, it's not for me.
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I never want to do it.
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I never want to be on stage.
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But from what you've just shared, and I know this from the first time I edited my own podcast, and I was like, oh, my God, I can't listen to my own voice.
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And so many people have that experience.
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Like when I have them on the show, if it's like friends or family, and then we watch it together, they just like panic and shrivel up inside.
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So talk to me about how somebody listening who's got no interest in doing public speaking.
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I'm doing that in quote unquote marks for everyone not watching video.
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Because everyone does speak publicly.
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Right, okay, that's a whole other segue.
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But in terms of like how we traditionally look at public speaking, being on stage, talk to me about some more of the exercises you do
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and how that can actually help someone in daily life, not just to get up and practice for a TED Talk.
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Oh, there's so many things I want to say, and I'm excited about this question.
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All right, so at the end of the day, we can all improve by reading a book or watching a YouTube
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or taking an online course when it comes to this space.
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But the reason people come to me is because I'm noticing what is said and not said.
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And then I'm helping you also look at yourself and explore who you are.
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One of the things that I tend to do is we start off with an elevator pitch.
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You know, a lot of people have a hard time telling the world what they do and who they are.
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It's from a professional stance.
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And quite often it sounds like my name is so-and-so.
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This is my title and this is where I work at.
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This is often my best case scenario.
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And quite often it's not full name.
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It's not saying the title fully.
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And what I like to do is go, well, give me a bit more to work with here.
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Maybe brag a little bit so I know that you're an expert in your field.
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That question, oh, it can take us hours to unpack.
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And so once we've constructed that and it does justice to the person's expertise in front of me, and now anybody that hears this elevator pitch knows who they are
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and what they can offer and do justice to their experience, then I record them and I ask them to stand up, present, and now you're going to watch yourself.
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Oh, so much happens in this moment where I don't feel comfortable bragging about myself.
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You're not bragging.
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You're just telling us what you do.
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You're helping me.
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So if I need your services or your expertise, I know who to reach out to.
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Give you an example of something that happened uh yesterday i had a master class
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and uh one of the people in this session had this
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theatrical approach and it was almost a defense mechanism let me go up
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and pretend that i'm somebody else and i'm this super happy person
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and actually it worked it was fine it's enjoyable to listen to
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but i went whoa time out let's let's do this differently let's try something else So this has worked her whole career.
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So this is why I'm saying it's fine, but let's try something else.
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And there's something else.
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I went, forget that everybody else is here in the room.
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Just talk to me and take a breath.
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Nobody's watching.
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Just tell me what you do.
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And she started answering.
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Ah, OK.
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And how can you help me?
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What is the expertise that you have?
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Where have you been before?
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And we had that one-on-one conversation.
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By the time she was done, I started sobbing.
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happen it's just like i was just being myself
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and i felt like i could be heard
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so this is what it means when you meet your insecurities
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and allow yourself and your own voice be heard your authentic self to be heard
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and there is a transition through it this is why we
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tend to be first a bit mechanical i do the mechanical stuff in the beginning this is how you present
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and these These are the structures.
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All right.
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And then we move into, well, why don't you make it your own now?
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Play with it.
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All right.
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So you said I should sound like this, but how about if I sound like this or that or whatever that might be?
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Yeah.
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So we start experimenting until that person lands in whatever is their authentic,
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you know, body language or voice or vocal projection or linguistics words that they will use.
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But that does go through that process.
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there may be a lot of people listening who have not even considered what is my voice.
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Like what does, even now that I'm thinking about it, like, okay, it's the physical thing, like it's my voice, but what does that mean in terms of how I portray myself to the world?
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And how do people go about locating what that even is for them?
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I used to be an absolute mute as a child, and now I'm hosting some of the biggest events and TV shows in the country.
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I wouldn't believe that for a second right and my mom
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and grandma still to this day are like are you the
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same person like they just cannot it doesn't click for them
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but that really resonated with me and
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so what I did was I sat down and I was like okay
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so how did you get from A to Z how did you do it
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and I realized what I have taught myself I could framework
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and I could help people to actually learn that framework and do it in less time than I can.
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It was identifying what was truly me.
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And I created something called the voice layer theory after doing all of my kind of like looking back and,
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you know, how can I build this and how can I teach this to other people?
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And the easiest way to describe it is that when you're, when you're born in your most, you know, developing early years,
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the biggest influence on your voice from the get go, your parents, right?
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Your mom or your dad, or your guardians, whoever is raising you.
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And on top of that, then say you've got your voice here, you've got the parents on top.
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Then on top of that, we go to school, we've got teachers, we've got other students.
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On top of that, we're consuming media, TV, radio.
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On top of that, now in a world of social media, where millions of voices are influencing us, telling us what we should feel, what we should think, what our opinions should be on certain things.
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And what I realized is we're there at the bottom.
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We're the foundation, but the, all these layers are building up on top of us.
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And what's happening is our own voice is getting diluted.
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So I don't know about you, but like in any situation, even with my partner, I say something and I'm like, that wasn't me.
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That was my mom.
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Yeah.
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Oh yeah.
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That's a big one.
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He's actually been good calling me out being like, yeah, that was your mom.
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Yeah.
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And I'm so glad he does because we, sometimes we do need that you know when I'm
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when I'm with a friend and she's like what do you want to have for dinner
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and I'm like oh sushi and she's like oh yes let's go for sushi and I'm like
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Nimi did you want sushi or do you just know
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that she loves sushi
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so you're going for sushi you're like damn should have picked
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the ramen right obsessed with ramen by the way obsessed um
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so it was all of these things have we got
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so many people influencing our voice and what we don't do
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and what we've never been taught from a young age is that our voice is its own nucleus.
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We kind of just think it's a default and a given, but your voice is your greatest asset.
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It is one of the core things that help you to communicate who you are to the world.
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How can we haven't done the groundwork in identifying what that voice is?
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So there's a way to kind of identify that and break all those layers down.
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And it takes a lot of time.
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I'd love to sit here and say, okay okay i can you can do it right now yeah yeah
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but it took me a lot of time
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and what i did was first was isolate my voice so
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that was taking myself away for like a week or so
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when i say taking myself away i wish it was going
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to like some private island no it was just not consuming social media detox it was exactly
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that detox and then also just not talking to a lot of people for a week
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which is amazing by the way
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and we all need to do it we need to just sit with ourselves for a
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while and I started questioning everything question everything if I
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if you walk away with anything if you're listening right now
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and you walk away with anything today is just question every decision you make every thought you have every opinion
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and feeling you have why do I feel
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that way how come how come that's what you chose I started even questioning like the tiniest things
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from what do I want to have for dinner?
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Okay, why are you choosing that?
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Why, Nimi?
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And it can get really tedious, but the point is that that's the only way to break through because then you start realizing
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why you start making these choices.
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Is it you or is it someone else highly influencing it?
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What's the source?
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What's the source?
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And I got to the point where I was like, journalism.
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I started questioning my whole career and my purpose.
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And I was like, did I do it
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because my mom wanted me to do it or did I want to do it?
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And you have a bit of an identity crisis through it all.
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But that just means it's working.
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It's really working.
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So I isolated my voice completely.
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And then what I started doing was evaluating the voices around me.
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So the five closest people to me.
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You know, they say you are the average of the five closest people to you.
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Okay, who are they then?
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Let's actually identify them.
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And let's actually recognize if they're a positive influence on my voice.
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If they are guiding my voice, enhancing my voice.
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Are they helping it in any way? or are they dimming my voice
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and so that's what made me really identify the people
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and then for me it was just elimination you know and
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and i had to be pretty cutthroat
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because i'm like this is this is me this is my
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nucleus i have to protect my voice at all costs be walk into a room as as the person
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that you want to be they call that be it until you are it yeah and i feel like
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like your aura says so much about you as a person so even if you're not feeling confident
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walk into places confidently do like be the person
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that you truly want to be and you will become
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that person and i'm not saying just like manifesting things works you got to do the really hard work
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and work smart as well yeah
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but yeah you really have to like i was like i'm going to be the person that I want to be.
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And I eventually became that person.
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Like I started from nothing.
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I didn't have any help from anyone.
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It was just me and my husband, Ross.
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So I've never been given anything.
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I've had to probably work twice as hard as people out
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there who you know just walked into a modeling agency and they've had somebody who who knows how things work.
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And there's only so much that my husband and I knew.
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We actually had to really work hard to be like okay like how can we do this?
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How can we do that?
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Like I think I ended up sending a high heel into an office once and being like just one shoe,
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one high heel being like hi just wanted to get my foot in the door and this is like 2000 2009 10.
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that's great just wanted to get my foot in the door love to have a chat with you
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ended up getting a call from this person
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and they're like i was actually really blown away by the way you approached
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that i'd love to have you in to have a chat that's really cool
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so doing those things was so important in that time and we still do weird stuff like that too
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so anybody out there is watching you got weird stuff from us
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that got us a meeting with that person you know like
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but um yeah I think we just had to do things
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so differently and I was always like okay I'm just going to walk into the walk into every room
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and actually somebody said to me once I was like what's the dress code for tonight
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and she goes well what does a supermodel wear what does
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a supermodel wear to a to a party like how does a supermodel dress and I was like
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good point so every time I don't care
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if I'm overdressed somewhere I could not give a shit truly
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but you are the main character in your story so be
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that main character don't be the best friend don't be the
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co-star don't give us co-star energy like we want we want
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to be the main character in our story you know yeah
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there was this one thing this guy said to me he was a talent agent who was really dodgy
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and he was really all like a really awful person he
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said to me he was like you will never be anywhere
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you will be nothing you are nothing you'll never be successful
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and then when I booked Guess
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and um the Super Bowl commercial I was just like I
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actually genuinely really want to send him like a link to
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the ad like I wanted to send him the catalog for Guess yeah
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because and just say thank you for not believing in me
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because it made me believe in myself even more
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and those things like really and i don't forget those things like
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when someone is cruel to you like you got to turn
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it into something good you know 100 flip it on its head yeah use it thank you to
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that angry man who like completely you know lit your jet on fire i had
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so many experiences like that over the years where people told me i'd be nothing
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and i was like cool okay i'll show you yeah awesome let's go that's i love a challenge
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and i think a lot of people struggle with
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that confidence of how to put themselves forward
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because maybe they don't have the confidence or they feel like they're being really egotistical.
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Yeah.
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And I think this is important, especially when it comes to, let's say, an interview, right?
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You're going forward for a new opportunity.
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That's most likely, if you're going for something different, it's most likely a step up or something outside of your comfort zone.
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Yeah.
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Otherwise, why would you be moving?
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Absolutely, yeah.
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So this is something both you and I have done over the last few years.
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interviews looking for new roles how do you kind of approach
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this do you know what as I've gotten older I've seen it from a different perspective I think
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when I was younger it was always this nerve-wracking it still is nerve-wracking
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but then it was very much they are assessing me I need this more than they do
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and like they're doing you a favor right exactly exactly
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and I had an interesting conversation with an interviewer once who told me
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and this is what changed it for me this is kind of
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the turning moment that really made me see it from a different point of view was
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actually I want you to be just as comfortable as we are
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so you're assessing us
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because ultimately we want you to stay here long term we
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don't want you to be here for you know just a minute
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and you know leave in a year and that's
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when I really sat back and I thought wow like
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so interesting and I think we forget that it's
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so easy for us to forget because there's
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so many demands in our life right we've got financial goals we've got personal goals we've got professional goals you know
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all of these different things make us feel like
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if it's not this my life is over
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and like it's you know everything everything and i do i do believe
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that if a door closes another one opens and so
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if it doesn't work out it honestly wasn't meant to be
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and that's okay yeah and i think it's having
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that acceptance in believing
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that okay do you know i this role is for me i'm the right fit for this
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and it's all about that mindset and understanding
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that actually you're not they're not just assessing you you are equally assessing them I love
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that you started off with the mindset tip because I've been there
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so many times where you go into an interview
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and you're like am I the right person for this for
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them right like I'm just one of many they're interviewing
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but you could equally say well they're one of many companies
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that I'm interviewing and I'm actually assessing if this is right for me
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and being a little bit more confident in what you want
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and I think
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that comes with actually knowing what it is you want I've been in a lot of situations where I've had performance reviews, you know, up to the yearly mark, it goes incredibly.
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They're so happy.
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Everything's great.
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Not a single mention of pay rise is brought up, right?
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Yeah, I've been there.
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And you're waiting, and you're waiting.
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And it doesn't come up.
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And then it's the end of the meeting.
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So how would you go about bringing up the conversation of pay?
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And then we can navigate, negotiate, negotiating after that.
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So, you know, you've got to be confident enough to raise it yourself.
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That's the truth.
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Ultimately, the employer may not want to discuss it.
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They may not even have it in mind.
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And I think it's also okay to say, you know, on my next performance review, I'd like to discuss the potential of looking at my salary and increasing it.
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And I think when you say it, you make eye contact.
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You say it with confidence.
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And you don't make you maintain that eye contact because you believe it.
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You've got to believe it.
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Practice it in the mirror.
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Absolutely.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Practice it in the mirror.
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Say it to yourself.
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And, you know, it is a really nerve wracking thing to do because there's so many other employees.
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Why are you worthy of this particular pay rise?
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What sets you apart from everybody else who's working just as hard as you are, perhaps if not more?
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You know, you don't know what everybody's working on in terms of projects.
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You've got to believe in it.
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You've got to know and set your value you and
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if you think
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that you are worth more then you must ask for it
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that's the truth as soon as i turned 18 i invested in implants
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and i was so happy with them
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because i was like yay i finally feel sexy i finally finally feel confident um
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and i really threw myself into like modeling
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so this was like back in the day when like men's magazines were like a thing well there was like magazines
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um so I was doing lots of work for you know zoo
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and Ralph and FHM and that kind of stuff and really
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I feel like I felt
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that the more external validation I got from others the more confident it made me feel um
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but I guess there was always a part that just I didn't quite feel whole so
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you know I constantly felt like I was chasing and chasing
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and chasing and that kind of showed up in
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so many different ways like with choosing the wrong people in relationships
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or the wrong type of men um friendships social circles just things just never quite felt aligned for me
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and now I really understand why um but it wasn't until I gave birth to my beautiful daughter
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that like gave birth to my daughter right in the middle of COVID.
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So not only was it was like, oh my gosh, you're a mum now, your whole life has turned upside down.
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It was like, you now have to just sit inside and like deal with it and not have any social interaction.
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You've completely cut that external validation.
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Totally.
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Yeah.
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And I was going through a huge thing.
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So I think there was just
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years and years and years of different types of trauma
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and interesting things that have popped up over time that it had been so easy for me to distract myself from.
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And then, you know, having such a huge life transition with becoming a mum, doing it also through COVID,
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I was also a new wife too.
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Like in those few years, I just found myself really coming face to face with some
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really uncomfortable truths about myself that I had never really sat with myself and
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looked at my shadows and looked at my ways of thinking
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and looked at these cycles that were playing out in my life.
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And with that, you know, everything kind of got thrown upside down.
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I left my marriage, I had to kind of do a full 360 of my life
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and really start doing some deep internal work.
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And what I realized was
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that I have been using everything else as a crutch in order to not kind of face my inner demons
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or my shadows.
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So I, when I came out of my marriage,
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I really just wanted to devote a lot of time to myself and to my healing.
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I didn't want to distract myself from it anymore.
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I was really excited just to sit with myself
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and just to pour this love and attention that I so easily was pouring out to others into myself.
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and I was really excited because I, you know, was able to just not date, be celibate and pour all my love into me for one whole year
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and that was like a huge milestone for me and now I'm like on nearly two and a half years.
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Wow.
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Yeah and I, it has been the most incredible,
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incredible journey for me like I feel more like myself now
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than I ever have in my whole entire life I'm really I'm really certain
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and I'm really um I'm really grounded and I really know who I am
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which is really beautiful
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because I think my whole life I was trying to figure
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out who I was through different people through different experiences through different you know crutches
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but at the end of the day what I really needed to do was like ignore all of
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that and come back to me And it hasn't been a pretty journey, but it has 100% been worth it.
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Informazioni su questa lezione
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.