Pratica di Shadowing: You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
Creazione lezione...
1
You are not a target.
2
You are not somebody's punching bag.
3
You are not somebody's outlet for all of their frustration
4
and their anger and their insecurities that have been built up all their life.
5
This episode is a little bit different for the podcast.
6
One, it's very early on a Saturday morning
7
and I wanted to record this so that I had the full day with the kids.
8
So if it looks like my face hasn't woken up yet, it's because it hasn't.
9
We're in the middle of the book tour, which is going fantastic, but I wanted to make time to tell you what is on my heart.
10
You ready?
11
Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.
12
If you like learning tools to improve your communication, I want you to follow this podcast.
13
If you're watching it, wherever you are, please add it as a subscriber and give it a like, give it a star.
14
Anything really makes a difference.
15
I appreciate that.
16
And if you have any topic suggestions, just throw them in the comments.
17
Hey, and while we're at it, how are you liking the podcast?
18
Really?
19
I know I've moved out of my car.
20
I was making them in my car really just an iPhone.
21
And I had this, I say the studio built that you're seeing.
22
It's just a room.
23
That's it.
24
Nothing fancy.
25
So how are you liking it?
26
Do you like it better when I'm just in my car?
27
Do you like this studio?
28
Do you like this setup?
29
Is the sound better for you?
30
Because it is a better mic.
31
Do you like me having guests and trying that out?
32
Or do you like it when I do solo or do you like a mix of both?
33
I am at a time in my life where I am making sure my priority is that whatever I do,
34
it's fitting the life that I have with my family as the priority.
35
And I will always make my videos and do all that.
36
And there's a lot of wonderful things coming down the road that I can't wait to share with you.
37
But right now with this podcast, I want to make sure it fits my life because that's where I'm going to show up best for you every time.
38
So I want you to Let me know.
39
Give me some feedback.
40
How are you liking it?
41
This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth.
42
I like Cozy Earth because I wear it all the time, especially when I'm traveling, especially when I'm home.
43
It's just cozy.
44
It's comfortable.
45
There's a reason why it's called that.
46
And my wife loves it.
47
She wears the pajamas.
48
We have their bedsheets.
49
It's really, really comfortable.
50
So you ought to give it a try.
51
CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.
52
I promise you they feel amazing.
53
CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.
54
My book, The Next Conversation, Argue Less, Talk More is out.
55
You can order wherever you like to order books.
56
You can go to jeffersonfisher.com or you can go to thenextconversation.com.
57
You'll find the links down in the show notes to get yours.
58
It is officially a New York Times bestseller, instant Sunday Times bestseller
59
and I couldn't be any more grateful because I know it's because of you, anybody who's listening to this right now or anybody who's purchased the book or supported my content.
60
Thank you so much.
61
If you're interested in going even further in improving your communication, I'm going to encourage you to join the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication.
62
It's an online membership where I'm able to have live classes with everyone.
63
They're able to use my AI or actually able to give more worksheets and tools and resources than ever before.
64
I encourage you to give it a try.
65
There are links for it down in the show notes.
66
So my book has been out for a little over a week now and it's been fantastic, amazing.
67
The book tour is going wonderful and as any new debut author, I, for good or for bad,
68
have been looking at reviews online because you want to know are people going to like the book?
69
That's the whole, you get very nervous
70
or are you going to deliver on the message
71
and the reviews have been so kind and wonderful
72
and there was one that hit me yesterday that I randomly saw that I wanted to share with you.
73
It's very short.
74
I know you can listen to it.
75
Just bear with me.
76
I know you can do it.
77
Listen, you are not a target.
78
I was once told by my husband, you are an easy target and everyone knows it.
79
Time and again, I walked away defeated even with my children.
80
Jefferson showed me what I lacked was communication skills.
81
From his social media, I started applying these answers to difficult situations.
82
Let me be clear.
83
This is not a book of his social media quips.
84
That's what I thought it would be.
85
No, it is learning to understand where people are and to adequately communicate with them.
86
It's teaching to deepen relationships by way of strong communication skills.
87
You are not a weak person for purchasing this book.
88
you are strong
89
and courageous for recognizing there is a better way to bridge a gap create healthy boundaries
90
that work to not get sucked down a rabbit hole to not think you've lost your mind i highly recommend
91
and i'm starting my second read through kindle edition is an
92
easy read bless you jefferson for exhibiting love for people i was just taking a back i was totally blown away by this.
93
I have no clue who this person is.
94
In fact, they didn't even leave their name.
95
It just says verified purchaser.
96
This is my point with this is I want you to know where to go in your mind
97
when conflict comes your way.
98
You are not a target.
99
And if you felt like you've been your whole life, this is where it stops.
100
Rule number one in my book, there are three rules.
101
It's rule number one, say it with control.
102
Number two, say it with confidence.
103
Number three, say it to connect.
104
And the whole focus of rule number one is you can't say anything about what I teach you, whether it's my phrases, my quips,
105
my little words, everything that I can give you.
106
None of it matters if you do not say it with control, if you do not first regulate yourself.
107
So we're going to talk about in this episode what I want you to think about when conflict comes your way.
108
Anytime that somebody says something that you weren't expecting, your body naturally through its biology reacts.
109
People think that fight or flight is something that has to happen when you come with physical contact.
110
No, that's not true.
111
It happens every day in these little micro moments.
112
Even when somebody just flatly disagrees with you.
113
When somebody disagrees with your opinion or they say something you don't like or they call you an ugly name, your body goes, hey, brain, I didn't like that.
114
And the brain goes, give me a second.
115
Yeah, no, we definitely didn't like that.
116
And it naturally reacts.
117
You have a scowl on your face.
118
You want to say something back.
119
You get heated.
120
Your neck and jaw get tense.
121
All biological.
122
All normal.
123
All natural.
124
So what do you do with that?
125
Rule number one in my book is you use your breath as the first word that you say.
126
And the reason why is because it adds a distance between what they say and how you respond, which gives you time to regulate yourself,
127
to think of the quips that I give you and the sentences I give you.
128
And it also, the other benefit is it allows the other person to calm down theirs as well.
129
Gives time for that analytical side to take over.
130
Every day, there are little things that tell your body, I am threatened.
131
Somebody cuts in front of you in traffic.
132
Somebody merges.
133
Somebody's riding on your bumper.
134
Your body goes, I am threatened.
135
That's where road rage comes from.
136
I feel threatened in this environment.
137
When you're talking with your kids, when somebody says something to you that they disagree with your opinion, they dismiss your idea.
138
You don't like that.
139
Your body's saying, hey, that feels threatening to me.
140
I want you to do something for me right now.
141
Now, if you're driving, don't worry about it.
142
If you're walking on the treadmill, don't worry about it.
143
You can do it later.
144
Do it in your head with me right now.
145
I want you to think of behavior that somebody does that really, really upsets you.
146
We're going to put a label on it.
147
For example, maybe it's disrespect, dismissive, condescending, belittling, rude.
148
Whatever it is, make it yours.
149
What is a behavior that somebody exhibits that really just feels like it sets you off, that you just explode when somebody does this to you?
150
You got it?
151
You find that word.
152
Now, write it down and right next to it,
153
I want you to write, does not threaten me. Does not threaten me.
154
So the sentence would be, dismissiveness does not threaten me.
155
Rude comments, backtalk, insults do not threaten me.
156
This is the mindset I want you to have when this kind of stuff comes up in your life.
157
Why?
158
Because it is telling your body of, hey, when somebody raises their voice, that doesn't threaten me.
159
When somebody calls me that, the way I'm reacting and telling my body is, hey, this does not threaten me.
160
That's what you're doing with your breath in that moment.
161
That's why we give it time to tell your body, what is happening in front of me is not a threat.
162
right it's this idea that um you have you've seen the big animals whether it's a lion
163
or an elephant or something they have like some maybe a little dog
164
or something they just go what is this it's like a
165
little animal coming up to a big animal they're not threatened
166
in any way that's the whole mindset here of hey what
167
you're doing is this isn't threatening to me i'm seeing right through it.
168
Cool.
169
I'm going to tell you a quick story right now that I haven't, I don't think I've ever shared.
170
This was, I don't know, maybe three weeks ago or so.
171
And where was I?
172
I think it was in San Diego airport.
173
I was in the San Diego airport.
174
It may have been San Diego.
175
Everything's blurring, blending together at this moment.
176
And it's early.
177
Give me a break.
178
Is I got through security at TSA and went and I was looking for my gate, looking for my gate.
179
And I kept following the signs.
180
And then all of a sudden I was outside of it, outside of the security, the gate, the terminal, it wasn't the terminal.
181
The gate was actually in a separate terminal.
182
And I just walked myself all the way through.
183
I'd already gone through security.
184
I'd already gone through all the check and the getting your stuff out and ready and giving your ID.
185
I started walking out and I passed this exit where it goes,
186
you know, the point of no return or has a red line there at the airport.
187
And I walk out of it.
188
And all of a sudden, this is me by myself.
189
And I look and I go, I say this out loud.
190
I go, oh my gosh, I got to do this all over again.
191
Because I have to know I'm going further down where a separate terminal is.
192
And I say, oh my gosh, I got to do this all over again.
193
And a voice that I had no clue where it was coming from, female voice goes, that's why you should read the sign, sir.
194
And I'm trying to find who that is.
195
And I turn and look.
196
And as I'm looking, she goes, you have no one to blame but yourself, sir.
197
That's why we have signs.
198
I don't know if you're feeling this, just hearing it to me,
199
just the way the tone came across was so condescending and unexpected and unnecessary
200
you ever had that that's why we have signs sir you have no one to blame
201
but yourself and i remember being just taken aback who who are you
202
and it was a tsa agent now
203
if you're a tsa agent i know not everybody is rough
204
and can be terrible
205
and i hey i'm an attorney for crying out loud not all attorneys are bad there's some tisa agents
206
that are wonderful there are some people
207
that are bad we all have bad apples in every profession
208
this one right here this lady she was middle-aged lady uh just looked
209
so smug when soon she said that and this is what my body wanted
210
And to come back with some really good zingers in that moment, I wanted to say a few things to her because it was really rude.
211
It was unnecessary.
212
And this is what I did.
213
Of course I have to practice what I preach, right?
214
I gave it.
215
I looked at her for like five seconds, trying to figure out, is this, did she say that?
216
And I just give it time.
217
And now she's sitting back and blinking and looking at me.
218
Her smile is gone.
219
And this is what I asked her.
220
I said, how do you feel when you say that kind of thing to someone?
221
Does it give you joy?
222
That's what I said, verbatim.
223
And immediately she got red, like, and just got red in the face and apologized right there.
224
I don't have to prompt anything.
225
She goes, I'm sorry, sir.
226
You're right.
227
That wasn't kind.
228
You're right, sir.
229
I'm sorry.
230
Yes, you can find the terminal if you go straight down.
231
And now she was in helping mode.
232
Now she was in helping mode.
233
You can go right here and this is where it's going to be.
234
I would say, oh, well, thank you very much.
235
I appreciate that.
236
All right, you have a wonderful day.
237
You are not a target.
238
You are not somebody's punching bag.
239
You are not the outlet for somebody to release all of their frustrations and their angers and their smugness on you.
240
These tools work.
241
This is why I talk about them.
242
That's why I feel so passionate about sharing these.
243
You had the choice right in that moment when somebody says something ugly.
244
When they're the TSA agent in your life, how are you going to react?
245
What are you going to say to that person?
246
Are you going to allow them to just press your remote control and manipulate all your emotions?
247
I had a choice.
248
You have a choice.
249
Is that going to ruin your day?
250
I just can't believe you'd say that.
251
Excuse me?
252
Are you talking to me?
253
You see how it easily could go the other way when you give in to that fight or flight, when you don't use your breath, when you don't regulate yourself.
254
If you do not say things with control, it doesn't matter what kind of tip I can give you.
255
It's not going to work.
256
It ain't going to work.
257
You have to say it with control.
258
You are not a target.
259
I hope that this is a good reminder for you, wherever you are.
260
I can give you lots of tools and tips on what to say.
261
And we have different podcast episodes on that.
262
And I'm going to continue to give you podcast episodes on this.
263
And I want to make sure that you know and you hear, and really the message is very simple for today.
264
You are not a target.
265
When that happens, I want you to go to your breath, regulate yourself, and then use the questions that I've taught you.
266
These are questions like, did you mean?
267
Did you mean for that to be rude?
268
Did you mean to insult me?
269
Did you mean for that to embarrass me?
270
Or you give it time and then you ask somebody a question of intent.
271
How did you expect me to react to that?
272
I could have said that to her.
273
How did you want me to respond to that?
274
How does it make you feel?
275
Imagine being the person who would say that to someone.
276
These ways of responding to rude behavior that is actually not a response.
277
It's a question.
278
You're not giving them matters of substance.
279
I'm not saying, you spit in my eye, let me spit back in yours.
280
No, it is a reflection of their own behavior and character.
281
And nine times out of ten, the other person sees that because they, because you're giving them time to, are seeing.
282
It's like the blood, the red.
283
It's not blood.
284
The red comes out of their system.
285
You know, somebody's seeing red.
286
You have to give them time for that to go away.
287
Come back to normal.
288
Come back.
289
I know that's not who you are.
290
People are not.
291
People are far better than we give them a chance to be.
292
Why?
293
Because we know that in ourselves.
294
So when you have the patience and the discipline to get to that, you're going to have a better communication and a better relationship and a better life because of that.
295
Cool?
296
All right.
297
You are not a target.
298
I hope you have a wonderful day.
299
Oh, you thought I forgot?
300
As always, you can try that and follow me.
📺 Stesso Canale
B11
Use This Phrase on The Silent Treatment
Business EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B23
Never Struggle with Small Talk Again | Easy Tips for Better Conversations
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
THIS is How To Be Direct Without Hurting People | Jefferson Fisher
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B21
Erin McGoff: How to be Instantly More Confident at Work
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishUniversity Students
B21
You’re Losing Respect Every Time You Say This
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
Finance Expert: How You Talk About Money Matters Ft. Vivian Tu
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2How Strong Communicators Handle Difficult Talks
American AccentBusiness EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation
B23 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1what to say instead of staying silent
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B1Be more direct.
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationWorking Adults
✨ Video consigliato
B21
545 frasi
WHY YOU NEED TO GET OUTSIDE YOUR COMFORT ZONE | getting over your fears & anxieties + just doing it!
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B27
751 frasi
7 Conversations Every Ambitious Person Needs to Hear | Dear Leila
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2915 frasi
How to Control Your Emotions | Easy English Podcast | B1-B2 Listening practice
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
23 frasi
2662 - When You Know, You Know! How to Express Your Intuition in English
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
106 frasi
Why I'm Always So Calm
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2200 frasi
Get to Know TED's Podcast Hosts
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B2216 frasi
English Podcast | Why You Should Stop Trying to Sound Like a Native Speaker
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B12
269 frasi
English Listening Podcast - New Year, New Mindset
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
122 frasi
How to Talk About Feelings in English: Belonging, Trust, and Connection
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
484 frasi
English Podcast For Learning English | Real English Conversation Practice |The Power of Not Reacting
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
371 frasi
The cost of being understood, stop explaining yourself & face the discomfort of being misunderstood
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
Il contesto: una conversazione autentica
Nel video, un podcaster parla con semplicità delle sue giornate, dei progetti e delle priorità familiari. È un momento spontaneo, ricco di espressioni colloquiali che riflettono come si parla nella vita quotidiana. Queste situazioni sono perfette per esercitarti nella pratica di conversazione in inglese, perché imitano il flusso naturale della comunicazione.
Frasi e collocazioni da memorizzare
- "make time to tell you": "trovare il tempo per dirti" – useful per esprimere l'importanza di condividere qualcosa.
- "fits my life": "si adatta alla mia vita" – collocazione chiave per parlare di equilibrio tra attività e routine.
- "show up best for you": "esserci al meglio per te" – modo caloroso di dire che ti dedichi con impegno.
- "give it a try": "provarlo" – espressione informale per incoraggiare qualcuno a fare qualcosa.
La tua sfida: shadowing in azione
Ora è il momento di mettere in pratica il shadowing in inglese, anche chiamato shadowspeak. Ecco come fare: riproduci il video, metti in pausa ogni 10 secondi e ripeti a voce alta le frasi, imitando l'intonazione e il ritmo del podcaster. Concentrati su espressioni come "I wanted to make time" o "it's really comfortable" – noterai come il tono cambia quando si parla di cose personali. Questo esercizio aiuta a migliorare la pronuncia e la fluidità, essentiali per la pratica di conversazione in inglese. Per un risultato migliore, ripeti il passaggio 3 volte: la prima volta ascolta, la seconda imita, la terza parla contemporaneamente al video (shadow speech). Così imparerai a "sentire" l'inglese come una lingua viva, non solo come testo. E se vuoi approfondire, usa altri video di podcast: è un modo efficace per imparare l'inglese con YouTube e diventare più confidente nella comunicazione.
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | have been built · hasn't woken · I've moved |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | have been built · is brought · being just taken |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | tour, which is · person who would |
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.