Shadowing Practice: You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions - Learn English Speaking with Video

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You are not a target.

You are not somebody's punching bag.

You are not somebody's outlet for all of their frustration

and their anger and their insecurities that have been built up all their life.

This episode is a little bit different for the podcast.

One, it's very early on a Saturday morning

and I wanted to record this so that I had the full day with the kids.

So if it looks like my face hasn't woken up yet, it's because it hasn't.

We're in the middle of the book tour, which is going fantastic, but I wanted to make time to tell you what is on my heart.

You ready?

Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.

If you like learning tools to improve your communication, I want you to follow this podcast.

If you're watching it, wherever you are, please add it as a subscriber and give it a like, give it a star.

Anything really makes a difference.

I appreciate that.

And if you have any topic suggestions, just throw them in the comments.

Hey, and while we're at it, how are you liking the podcast?

Really?

I know I've moved out of my car.

I was making them in my car really just an iPhone.

And I had this, I say the studio built that you're seeing.

It's just a room.

That's it.

Nothing fancy.

So how are you liking it?

Do you like it better when I'm just in my car?

Do you like this studio?

Do you like this setup?

Is the sound better for you?

Because it is a better mic.

Do you like me having guests and trying that out?

Or do you like it when I do solo or do you like a mix of both?

I am at a time in my life where I am making sure my priority is that whatever I do,

it's fitting the life that I have with my family as the priority.

And I will always make my videos and do all that.

And there's a lot of wonderful things coming down the road that I can't wait to share with you.

But right now with this podcast, I want to make sure it fits my life because that's where I'm going to show up best for you every time.

So I want you to Let me know.

Give me some feedback.

How are you liking it?

This episode is brought to you by Cozy Earth.

I like Cozy Earth because I wear it all the time, especially when I'm traveling, especially when I'm home.

It's just cozy.

It's comfortable.

There's a reason why it's called that.

And my wife loves it.

She wears the pajamas.

We have their bedsheets.

It's really, really comfortable.

So you ought to give it a try.

CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.

I promise you they feel amazing.

CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.

My book, The Next Conversation, Argue Less, Talk More is out.

You can order wherever you like to order books.

You can go to jeffersonfisher.com or you can go to thenextconversation.com.

You'll find the links down in the show notes to get yours.

It is officially a New York Times bestseller, instant Sunday Times bestseller

and I couldn't be any more grateful because I know it's because of you, anybody who's listening to this right now or anybody who's purchased the book or supported my content.

Thank you so much.

If you're interested in going even further in improving your communication, I'm going to encourage you to join the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication.

It's an online membership where I'm able to have live classes with everyone.

They're able to use my AI or actually able to give more worksheets and tools and resources than ever before.

I encourage you to give it a try.

There are links for it down in the show notes.

So my book has been out for a little over a week now and it's been fantastic, amazing.

The book tour is going wonderful and as any new debut author, I, for good or for bad,

have been looking at reviews online because you want to know are people going to like the book?

That's the whole, you get very nervous

or are you going to deliver on the message

and the reviews have been so kind and wonderful

and there was one that hit me yesterday that I randomly saw that I wanted to share with you.

It's very short.

I know you can listen to it.

Just bear with me.

I know you can do it.

Listen, you are not a target.

I was once told by my husband, you are an easy target and everyone knows it.

Time and again, I walked away defeated even with my children.

Jefferson showed me what I lacked was communication skills.

From his social media, I started applying these answers to difficult situations.

Let me be clear.

This is not a book of his social media quips.

That's what I thought it would be.

No, it is learning to understand where people are and to adequately communicate with them.

It's teaching to deepen relationships by way of strong communication skills.

You are not a weak person for purchasing this book.

you are strong

and courageous for recognizing there is a better way to bridge a gap create healthy boundaries

that work to not get sucked down a rabbit hole to not think you've lost your mind i highly recommend

and i'm starting my second read through kindle edition is an

easy read bless you jefferson for exhibiting love for people i was just taking a back i was totally blown away by this.

I have no clue who this person is.

In fact, they didn't even leave their name.

It just says verified purchaser.

This is my point with this is I want you to know where to go in your mind

when conflict comes your way.

You are not a target.

And if you felt like you've been your whole life, this is where it stops.

100

Rule number one in my book, there are three rules.

101

It's rule number one, say it with control.

102

Number two, say it with confidence.

103

Number three, say it to connect.

104

And the whole focus of rule number one is you can't say anything about what I teach you, whether it's my phrases, my quips,

105

my little words, everything that I can give you.

106

None of it matters if you do not say it with control, if you do not first regulate yourself.

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So we're going to talk about in this episode what I want you to think about when conflict comes your way.

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Anytime that somebody says something that you weren't expecting, your body naturally through its biology reacts.

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People think that fight or flight is something that has to happen when you come with physical contact.

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No, that's not true.

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It happens every day in these little micro moments.

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Even when somebody just flatly disagrees with you.

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When somebody disagrees with your opinion or they say something you don't like or they call you an ugly name, your body goes, hey, brain, I didn't like that.

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And the brain goes, give me a second.

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Yeah, no, we definitely didn't like that.

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And it naturally reacts.

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You have a scowl on your face.

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You want to say something back.

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You get heated.

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Your neck and jaw get tense.

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All biological.

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All normal.

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All natural.

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So what do you do with that?

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Rule number one in my book is you use your breath as the first word that you say.

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And the reason why is because it adds a distance between what they say and how you respond, which gives you time to regulate yourself,

127

to think of the quips that I give you and the sentences I give you.

128

And it also, the other benefit is it allows the other person to calm down theirs as well.

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Gives time for that analytical side to take over.

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Every day, there are little things that tell your body, I am threatened.

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Somebody cuts in front of you in traffic.

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Somebody merges.

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Somebody's riding on your bumper.

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Your body goes, I am threatened.

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That's where road rage comes from.

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I feel threatened in this environment.

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When you're talking with your kids, when somebody says something to you that they disagree with your opinion, they dismiss your idea.

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You don't like that.

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Your body's saying, hey, that feels threatening to me.

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I want you to do something for me right now.

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Now, if you're driving, don't worry about it.

142

If you're walking on the treadmill, don't worry about it.

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You can do it later.

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Do it in your head with me right now.

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I want you to think of behavior that somebody does that really, really upsets you.

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We're going to put a label on it.

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For example, maybe it's disrespect, dismissive, condescending, belittling, rude.

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Whatever it is, make it yours.

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What is a behavior that somebody exhibits that really just feels like it sets you off, that you just explode when somebody does this to you?

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You got it?

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You find that word.

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Now, write it down and right next to it,

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I want you to write, does not threaten me. Does not threaten me.

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So the sentence would be, dismissiveness does not threaten me.

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Rude comments, backtalk, insults do not threaten me.

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This is the mindset I want you to have when this kind of stuff comes up in your life.

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Why?

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Because it is telling your body of, hey, when somebody raises their voice, that doesn't threaten me.

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When somebody calls me that, the way I'm reacting and telling my body is, hey, this does not threaten me.

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That's what you're doing with your breath in that moment.

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That's why we give it time to tell your body, what is happening in front of me is not a threat.

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right it's this idea that um you have you've seen the big animals whether it's a lion

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or an elephant or something they have like some maybe a little dog

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or something they just go what is this it's like a

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little animal coming up to a big animal they're not threatened

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in any way that's the whole mindset here of hey what

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you're doing is this isn't threatening to me i'm seeing right through it.

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Cool.

169

I'm going to tell you a quick story right now that I haven't, I don't think I've ever shared.

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This was, I don't know, maybe three weeks ago or so.

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And where was I?

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I think it was in San Diego airport.

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I was in the San Diego airport.

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It may have been San Diego.

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Everything's blurring, blending together at this moment.

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And it's early.

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Give me a break.

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Is I got through security at TSA and went and I was looking for my gate, looking for my gate.

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And I kept following the signs.

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And then all of a sudden I was outside of it, outside of the security, the gate, the terminal, it wasn't the terminal.

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The gate was actually in a separate terminal.

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And I just walked myself all the way through.

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I'd already gone through security.

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I'd already gone through all the check and the getting your stuff out and ready and giving your ID.

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I started walking out and I passed this exit where it goes,

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you know, the point of no return or has a red line there at the airport.

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And I walk out of it.

188

And all of a sudden, this is me by myself.

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And I look and I go, I say this out loud.

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I go, oh my gosh, I got to do this all over again.

191

Because I have to know I'm going further down where a separate terminal is.

192

And I say, oh my gosh, I got to do this all over again.

193

And a voice that I had no clue where it was coming from, female voice goes, that's why you should read the sign, sir.

194

And I'm trying to find who that is.

195

And I turn and look.

196

And as I'm looking, she goes, you have no one to blame but yourself, sir.

197

That's why we have signs.

198

I don't know if you're feeling this, just hearing it to me,

199

just the way the tone came across was so condescending and unexpected and unnecessary

200

you ever had that that's why we have signs sir you have no one to blame

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but yourself and i remember being just taken aback who who are you

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and it was a tsa agent now

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if you're a tsa agent i know not everybody is rough

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and can be terrible

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and i hey i'm an attorney for crying out loud not all attorneys are bad there's some tisa agents

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that are wonderful there are some people

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that are bad we all have bad apples in every profession

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this one right here this lady she was middle-aged lady uh just looked

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so smug when soon she said that and this is what my body wanted

210

And to come back with some really good zingers in that moment, I wanted to say a few things to her because it was really rude.

211

It was unnecessary.

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And this is what I did.

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Of course I have to practice what I preach, right?

214

I gave it.

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I looked at her for like five seconds, trying to figure out, is this, did she say that?

216

And I just give it time.

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And now she's sitting back and blinking and looking at me.

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Her smile is gone.

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And this is what I asked her.

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I said, how do you feel when you say that kind of thing to someone?

221

Does it give you joy?

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That's what I said, verbatim.

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And immediately she got red, like, and just got red in the face and apologized right there.

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I don't have to prompt anything.

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She goes, I'm sorry, sir.

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You're right.

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That wasn't kind.

228

You're right, sir.

229

I'm sorry.

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Yes, you can find the terminal if you go straight down.

231

And now she was in helping mode.

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Now she was in helping mode.

233

You can go right here and this is where it's going to be.

234

I would say, oh, well, thank you very much.

235

I appreciate that.

236

All right, you have a wonderful day.

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You are not a target.

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You are not somebody's punching bag.

239

You are not the outlet for somebody to release all of their frustrations and their angers and their smugness on you.

240

These tools work.

241

This is why I talk about them.

242

That's why I feel so passionate about sharing these.

243

You had the choice right in that moment when somebody says something ugly.

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When they're the TSA agent in your life, how are you going to react?

245

What are you going to say to that person?

246

Are you going to allow them to just press your remote control and manipulate all your emotions?

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I had a choice.

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You have a choice.

249

Is that going to ruin your day?

250

I just can't believe you'd say that.

251

Excuse me?

252

Are you talking to me?

253

You see how it easily could go the other way when you give in to that fight or flight, when you don't use your breath, when you don't regulate yourself.

254

If you do not say things with control, it doesn't matter what kind of tip I can give you.

255

It's not going to work.

256

It ain't going to work.

257

You have to say it with control.

258

You are not a target.

259

I hope that this is a good reminder for you, wherever you are.

260

I can give you lots of tools and tips on what to say.

261

And we have different podcast episodes on that.

262

And I'm going to continue to give you podcast episodes on this.

263

And I want to make sure that you know and you hear, and really the message is very simple for today.

264

You are not a target.

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When that happens, I want you to go to your breath, regulate yourself, and then use the questions that I've taught you.

266

These are questions like, did you mean?

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Did you mean for that to be rude?

268

Did you mean to insult me?

269

Did you mean for that to embarrass me?

270

Or you give it time and then you ask somebody a question of intent.

271

How did you expect me to react to that?

272

I could have said that to her.

273

How did you want me to respond to that?

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How does it make you feel?

275

Imagine being the person who would say that to someone.

276

These ways of responding to rude behavior that is actually not a response.

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It's a question.

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You're not giving them matters of substance.

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I'm not saying, you spit in my eye, let me spit back in yours.

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No, it is a reflection of their own behavior and character.

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And nine times out of ten, the other person sees that because they, because you're giving them time to, are seeing.

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It's like the blood, the red.

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It's not blood.

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The red comes out of their system.

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You know, somebody's seeing red.

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You have to give them time for that to go away.

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Come back to normal.

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Come back.

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I know that's not who you are.

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People are not.

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People are far better than we give them a chance to be.

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Why?

293

Because we know that in ourselves.

294

So when you have the patience and the discipline to get to that, you're going to have a better communication and a better relationship and a better life because of that.

295

Cool?

296

All right.

297

You are not a target.

298

I hope you have a wonderful day.

299

Oh, you thought I forgot?

300

As always, you can try that and follow me.

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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה

שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה B2 מבוסס על הסרטון “You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions”. בסרטון הזה יש 300 משפטים ו-3014 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 17:12. הדובר מדבר בקצב טבעי של כ-175 מילים בדקה, קרוב לשיחה יומיומית. 85% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.

אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה

15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:

מילה	הגייה	משמעות
threaten פועל	/ˈθɹɛt.n̩/	איים
podcast שם עצם	/ˈpɑdˌkæst/	פּוֹדְקַאסְט, הֶסְכֵּת
spit פועל	/spɪt/	יָרַק
frustration שם עצם	/fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/	תסכול
insult שם עצם	/ɪnˈsʌlt/	עלבון
clue שם עצם	/kluː/	רמז
bedsheet שם עצם	/ˈbɛdʃiːt/	סָדִין
pajamas שם עצם	/pəˈd͡ʒɑ.məz/	פִּיגָ׳מָה
treadmill שם עצם	/ˈtɹɛd.mɪl/	הֲלִיכוֹן
verbatim תואר הפועל	/vəɹˈbeɪ.tɪm/	מילה במילה
subscriber שם עצם	/səbˈskɹaɪbɚ/	מָנוּי
blink פועל	/ˈblɪŋk/	מצמץ
merge פועל	/mɝd͡ʒ/	מיזג, מירג׳ג׳
microwave שם עצם	/ˈmaɪkɹoʊˌweɪv/	מִיקְרוֹגַל
explode פועל	/ɪkˈsploʊd/	הִתְפּוֹצֵץ

Phrasal verbs שתשמעו

מילה	הגייה	משמעות
calm down פועל		נרגע
come back פועל		שָׁב
figure out פועל		הֵבִין, מצא תשובה
wake up פועל	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	התעורר

משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם

משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:

Hey, and while we're at it, how are you liking the podcast?
Do you like it better when I'm just in my car?
Do you like this studio?
Do you like this setup?
Is the sound better for you?

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:

מבנה	בסרטון
הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו	have been built · hasn't woken · I've moved
סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה	have been built · is brought · was totally blown
משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר	tour, which is · person who would

הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה

הדובר משתמש ב-78 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו I'm, you're, don't. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.

הצלילים של “th”: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, theirs /ðɛɚz/
הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, passionate /ˈpæʃənɪt/, profession /pɹəˈfɛʃ.ən/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/
מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: unnecessary /ʌnˈnɛs.əˌsɛɹ.i/, dismissiveness /dɪsˈmɪsɪvnəs/, manipulate /məˈnɪp.jʊ.leɪt/, analytical /ˌæn.əˈlɪt.ɪ.kəl/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:

/w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: quip /kwɪp/, microwave /ˈmaɪkɹoʊˌweɪv/
/æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, react /ɹiːˈækt/, backtalk /ˈbæk.tɔk/, embarrass /ɪmˈbæɹəs/, flatly /ˈflætli/
/r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, react /ɹiːˈækt/, regulate /ˈɹɛɡ.jə.leɪt/, disagree /dɪsəˈɡɹi/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/

איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה

הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו threaten, podcast, spit.

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?

שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.

טכניקת Shadowing: קרא את המדריך המלא שלב אחר שלב →

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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה

אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה

Phrasal verbs שתשמעו

משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה

איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?