Shadowing Practice: How Much Do You Love Yourself? Jay Shetty & Quinlan Walther on Self-Reflection & Real Change - Learn English Speaking with Video
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135 sentences
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But I wanted to ask you this question.
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You say, one of my favorite things that you say, you said in a video that you can tell how much you love yourself by the partner that you've chosen.
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Tell me about that.
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Well, I pose it as a question because if you hear someone say, in the video I think you're referring to,
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how would you feel if someone said that they can tell how much you love yourself by the partner that you've chosen?
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Does that feel like a compliment or an insult?
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And what that really distills down to, I'm not passing a judgment on your relationship, but the way you feel about that question can offer a lot of insight.
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Have you tolerated treatment that really, really doesn't feel great?
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It doesn't really feel loving.
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It's not what someone would put up with if they loved themselves.
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or man, I've chosen a really patient, loving, incredible person.
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You know, some part of me must like myself enough to choose someone who loves me in such a way.
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It's really, really most, mostly about reflection.
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What is it that we're choosing?
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And am I, am I making decisions, building relationships, investing in relationships that reflect love,
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love for myself and back to the values.
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You know, am I making decisions based on my values or am I stagnant?
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Am I complacent?
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Am I participating in this negative dynamic as well?
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It's really about reflection and seeing what comes up for people.
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Yeah, it's a great reflection.
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Such a great question.
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And it's a great way if you're dating right now to really make the right shifts and changes.
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Absolutely.
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And if you're married and you feel like you've made the wrong decision, what would you do if someone's listening to that and they're going, like I'm listening to you right now,
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Q, and that feels tough because my partner's not present.
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I know they love me, but I'm not sure we, I think we lost it somewhere along the way.
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What would you say to them?
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I love that distinction too.
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I say dating is about discernment.
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Marriage is about devotion.
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Not the other way around.
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Say that again.
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Dating is about discernment, not devotion.
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Devotion is to be saved for marriage or long-term relationships, long-term partnerships.
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that's important as you're making decisions but what i would say to someone who's realizing
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that maybe their relationship dynamic is not as loving as they would want it to be
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first things first take a look at your side of the street
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that doesn't mean that doesn't mean it's your fault this is not a blame game
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but if you envision the kind of relationship you want with your husband, with your wife, with your partner, what does it consist of?
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And how can you add more of that now?
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How can you be the first to add, to try?
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How can you show up as the partner you want to be?
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Where's the appreciation for the ways that they are making effort?
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It's really easy to get sucked into a disappointment spiral.
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You go down the rabbit hole and all you can see are the things that they aren't doing, the things they're doing wrong, the ways that they aren't showing up, pull yourself out of that.
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If you want your relationship to work, you have to pull yourself out of that.
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Even if you choose to leave, don't choose to leave in the bottom of the disappointment spiral.
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Anyway, clean up your side of the street and go first.
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Great advice, yeah.
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That's what I would say.
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The follow-up to that is have a conversation with your spouse.
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Hey, I want more of this because I love you.
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I feel really distant.
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I feel really lonely.
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We both have a lot going on.
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Can we come up with a plan to reconnect?
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What do you want more of?
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Here's what I want more of.
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Can we get on board?
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It doesn't have to be so humdrum, negative.
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Oh, we have to fix this.
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It can be an exciting thing if you want it to be and if you come with the right energy.
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And if it is the right person
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then they'll at least try to meet you there yeah what's the difference between keeping someone accountable
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and trying to change them i don't think you can keep people accountable i don't really believe
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that it's possible or hold someone accountable
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if you're with someone who's really lacking consistency they're not really following through on their word
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and you're thinking i i i need a little bit more here.
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They're not taking initiative.
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I can't trust them to do what they say that they're going to do.
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You can bring that up.
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This is what I'm noticing.
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I'm finding it hard to rely on you because you haven't done the things that you said that you're going to do.
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I mean, can we talk about this?
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And if they say, I want to be a more consistent, reliable person.
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Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
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Great.
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Now they want to make that change.
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You've brought it to light.
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It is on them to make the change.
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You can lovingly, hey, again, this thing didn't get done, but the buck stops there.
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You can't be breathing down their neck.
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You definitely don't want to meet them with criticism or constant disappointment.
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People don't actually change from that place.
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So if they want to make the change themselves, great, beautiful.
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The onus is on them.
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You can be loving and supportive in the process, but I don't believe that we can really hold people accountable
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and we definitely can't force them to change i fully agree
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and and i think the hardest part of it is you know how hard it is to change yourself
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so even when someone says they want to change themselves you've got to realize how hard
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that is right you may have your partner say to you yeah i really do want to work out
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and get in the gym more
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and then they're never in the gym they're always watching sport
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they're hanging out whatever it is you know how hard that is to do
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And so it's such an interesting dynamic because we almost think change should be really easy for other people, knowing that it's really hard for ourselves.
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And then when they don't change, we're upset or disappointed in them.
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And if you just thought for a second about how hard it is to change yourself and build good habits yourself,
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I think you'd have more empathy and compassion for someone else.
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That's how I see it, at least.
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We tend to judge ourselves by our intentions, and we tend to judge others by their actions or their follow-through or the result of their thing, right?
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So I meant to go to the gym five days this week.
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I really only made it once, but I intended to.
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I had a lot going on.
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My intentions were good.
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I tried.
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They don't go to the gym five times a week.
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They only go once and suddenly it's a reflection of their character, right?
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They're unreliable.
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They lack discipline.
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They aren't motivated.
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That was hold on here.
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Let's find the color amongst all this black and white thinking.
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I totally agree.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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It's the toughest one I see.
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I always just feel like, and that's why I love that you said start on your side of the street,
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because I think a lot of relationship language and podcasting
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and conversations right now are all about how do you spot if someone's good?
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And I'm just like, oh, it's a dangerous game to play because in that scenario, you're always the detective and the secret agent,
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and the other person's always the villain in some way.
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And while that can be true in certain cases where there's extremes, the reality is most of us are all flawed and making mistakes at the same time.
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And if you want a peaceful, emotionally intelligent person, with all of these traits that are wonderful.
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I love that for you.
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You have to be the other half of that relationship.
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You also want to be patient and calm, slow to conflict, kind with your words, even when you're frustrated.
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You can handle some disappointment.
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You want to be the other half of that loving relationship.
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It's not going to come from focusing on all the red flags you need to look out for
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and all the things that the specific ways they need to show up to prove to you
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that they are who they say
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that they are focus on your side of the street focus on being the other half of this relationship
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that you want
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so badly rather than trying to figure out the quick fixes
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to avoid all of the bad fish in the sea it's a waste of time in my opinion
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How Much Do You Love Yourself? Jay Shetty & Quinlan Walther on Self-Reflection & Real Change”. This video has 135 sentences and 1518 words to shadow. The speech runs for 8:38. The speaker talks at a natural 176 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| accountable adjective | /əˈkaʊntəbl̩/ | Obliged, when called upon, to answer (for one’s deeds); answerable. |
| disappointment noun | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/ | The feeling or state of being disappointed: a feeling of sadness or frustration when something is not as good as one hoped or expected, or when something bad… |
| reflection noun | /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/ | The act of reflecting or the state of being reflected. |
| devotion noun | /dɪˈvoʊʃən/ | The act or state of devoting or being devoted; a feeling of being devoted (to something). |
| discernment noun | The act of distinguishing between things. | |
| spiral noun | /ˈspaɪɹəl/ | A curve that is the locus of a point that rotates about a fixed point while continuously increasing its distance from that point. |
| intentions noun | /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/ | Desire to court, marry, date, woo or sleep with someone. |
| complacent adjective | /kəmˈpleɪsənt/ | Uncritically satisfied with oneself or one's achievements; smug. |
| envision verb | /ɪnˈvɪʒn̩/ | To conceive or see something within one's mind. To imagine. |
| excite verb | /ɪkˈsaɪt/ | To stir the emotions of; to cause to feel excitement. |
| extremes noun | /ɪkˈstɹimz/ | The opposite ends of a range or scale. |
| frustrate verb | /ˈfɹʌsˌtɹeɪt/ | To disappoint or defeat; to vex by depriving of something expected or desired. |
| humdrum adjective | /ˈhʌmdɹʌm/ | Lacking variety or excitement; dull; boring. |
| lovingly adverb | In a loving manner, affectionately. | |
| reconnect verb | /ˌɹiː.kəˈnɛkt/ | To connect again or differently. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. | |
| clean up verb | To make an area or a thing clean; to pick up a mess; to tidy. | |
| come up with verb | To manage to produce, deliver, or present (something) by inventing, creating, thinking of, or obtaining it. | |
| figure out verb | To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce. | |
| follow through verb | To execute or complete a commitment. | |
| go down verb | To descend; to move from a higher place to a lower one. | |
| put up with verb | To endure, tolerate, suffer through, or allow, especially something annoying. | |
| work out verb | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | To calculate. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- Have you tolerated treatment that really, really doesn't feel great?
- What is it that we're choosing?
- Am I participating in this negative dynamic as well?
- What would you say to them?
- Can we come up with a plan to reconnect?
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 55 contractions and reduced forms, such as they're, you're, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/, devotion /dɪˈvoʊʃən/, intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, envision /ɪnˈvɪʒn̩/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/
- Long words — get the stress right: disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, unreliable /ˌʌn.ɹəˈlaɪ.ə.bəl/, consistency /kənˈsɪs.tən.si/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, appreciation /əˌpɹiː.ʃiˈeɪ.ʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like accountable, disappointment, reflection.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.