Shadowing Practice: It Hurts That My Heart Is Getting Bigger | Pema Chödrön - Learn English Speaking with Video
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So compassion hurts.
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I've always thought that compassion is actually sounds kind of uh sweet
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and so forth but actually it's very very painful
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because it means being so empathetic with with others that you
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that you can stand in their shoes to the degree that that you're willing to do anything to help them, you know.
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Now, I want to ask you a question, Anipema, because I've noticed this in my own experience, and I hear this a lot from people.
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Come closer to that queasy feeling.
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Okay, I'm doing it more and more.
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I'm tender more and more of the time I don't have all the same defenses
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that I used to have all the same armoring
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and quite honestly I'm tender
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and on the verge of tears a lot I feel a
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lot more I feel uncomfortable a lot of the time it
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almost feels like something's not quite going in the right direction and I vulnerable to the point of,
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well, say more, intense, frequent situation of raw, tender vulnerability.
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It's like, it seems like it's that way a lot and it's very intense.
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Like, oh, wow, you're feeling a lot.
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You're taking in a lot.
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You've become so porous.
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I'm talking to myself here, you know, and you feel so much of this pain and exquisite beauty and everything.
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And in a way, it seemed more, quote -unquote, functional in a certain way before doing all of this meditation.
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Well, you see, I'm not hearing that there's anything wrong there.
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What you're describing sounds like the only, say, if you were a meditation student or something,
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the only thing I would say is extend tenderness towards whatever resistance there is to feeling those things you know
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that one can live from that place definitely one can live from
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that place and with a feeling of joy
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and like let's let's maybe I'm digressing a little bit let's just talk about the word compassion
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so compassion hurts I've always thought that compassion is actually sounds kind of sweet
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and sure forth but actually it's very very painful
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because it means being so empathetic with with others that you
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that you can stand in their shoes to the degree
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that you're you're willing to do anything to to help them you know
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and um but as i've often said it's not a relationship up down relationship
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but a relationship with equals so my feeling about compassion is even though it hurts
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which it definitely does
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and this goes along with your question nevertheless it's what brings
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life meaning it's what brings life a sense the feeling of
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interconnectedness love comes along with it you know it's like saying it hurts
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that my heart is getting bigger you know
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so it's worth hurting you know for your heart to get bigger i would say you could say it hurts
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that mine that i have a more or open mind.
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It was more comfortable to have fixed opinions and be some kind of fundamentalist.
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That was a lot more comfortable, really.
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But actually the anxiety increases, this underlying sense of something being wrong,
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of being unhappy, to being isolated and separate
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and feeling all those very miserable feelings
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that we as human beings feel a lot you know i don't think
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that compassion or this rawness or anything is like
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that i think it's like in
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that place you you become more in love with the world
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or love in love with people but it isn't
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that it's i don't know it's not that it's comfortable it's
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that it's interconnected and that there has a lot of love in your heart and your mind are expanding.
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So for me personally, and I think this must be a popular idea
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because it seems that people like to hear it from, you know, hear about it.
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I feel like that's, I will die with no regrets because I'm so much, my heart and mind are so much,
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have expanded so much from the time that I was a young person.
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I wanted to ask you about that, this notion of dying without regret.
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Yeah.
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Because…
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you know i'm sure in your life like in all of our lives there are things
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that we wished we had done differently in xyz situation
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and you know i'm curious how you've made peace with those
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experiences personally oh yeah that's that's a very good question
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so i do have some real regrets you know i mean
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in terms of as you say wishing i had done things differently
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but um And so it's very much like the 12 steps, you know.
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I mean, really, the similarity is very strong.
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That you make a fearless inventory of all the things that you regret or wish you hadn't done.
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And they're right out in the open.
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They're not hidden.
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And then the next step is that you share that with somebody.
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So that it's, first it's not hidden from you
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and then you're not embarrassed or ashamed to have somebody else hear about it.
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So, you know, that's really the approach.
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In the monastic tradition,
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we have this twice a month ceremony where you do a fearless inventory of the last two weeks
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or you could go back and back and back.
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And what it said is if you share, if you bring it out, if it's in the light, you can dwell at peace.
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But if it's hidden and it's a secret and from yourself first, and then you know about it, but you keep it secret from others,
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you do not so dwell.
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You know, if acknowledged, you can lay it aside and dwell at peace.
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And if not acknowledged, I cannot so dwell.
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So that's certainly how I've worked with it.
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But getting back to the other question, it doesn't mean that when the memory comes up there isn't this little feeling.
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It means that it doesn't, well, here's another thing.
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It doesn't have any spin -off.
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So I've been talking about this quite a lot lately, and it goes along with all the questions you've been asking.
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You can feel what you feel as a direct, just as if you put your hand,
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I used this image just the other day.
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If you put your finger on the burner and it hurt, so that's the analogy for any kind of pain.
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So that's it.
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It hurts, but it doesn't have any spin -off.
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It doesn't have a storyline, the ripples don't go out and out and out and out.
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You stay with the tenderness and receptivity to the kind of like origin of it all, you know?
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It's very helpful.
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This word spinoff is very helpful because, you know, the judgment and all of that is all spinoff.
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I call it add -ons too, which comes from Sharon Salzberg yeah but um so so that
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that of course is a practice and something
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that we get better at through meditation also
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but uh i think it's really helpful that it's it pain is pain
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and pleasure is pleasure you know neutral is neutral and stuff
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but but it can be just
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that simple the the expression just as it is you know without the spin -off without the spin -off
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so what happens in actual fact is you do start spinning off you know
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when something's really intense like uh betrayal say you know it's
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very hard to not the mind just will keep coming back keep coming back
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but then in some as gently and everything
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and non -judgmentally as you can you just keep coming back to the the the what the origin
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 112 sentences and 1322 words to shadow. The speech runs for 9:07. The speaker talks at a steady 145 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 84% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| compassion noun | /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/ | Deep awareness of the suffering of others that people have to the point of them being motivated to relieve such states. |
| spin verb | /spɪn/ | To rotate, revolve, gyrate (usually quickly); to partially or completely rotate to face another direction. |
| regret verb | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | To feel sorry about (a thing that has or has not happened), afterthink: to wish that a thing had not happened, that something else had happened instead. |
| dwell verb | /dwɛl/ | To live; to reside. |
| helpful adjective | /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/ | Furnishing help; giving aid; useful. |
| intense adjective | /ɪnˈtɛns/ | Of a characteristic: extreme or very high or strong in degree; severe; also, excessive, towering. |
| tender adjective | /ˈtɛn.dɚ/ | Sensitive or painful to the touch. |
| meditation noun | /mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/ | A devotional exercise of, or leading to, contemplation. |
| expand verb | /ɪkˈspænd/ | To change (something) from a smaller form or size to a larger one; to spread out or lay open. |
| painful adjective | /ˈpeɪn.fl̩/ | Causing pain or distress, either physical or mental. |
| neutral adjective | /ˈnuː.tɹəl/ | Not taking sides in a conflict such as war; nonaligned. |
| shoe noun | /ˈʃu/ | A protective covering for the foot, with a bottom part composed of thick leather or plastic sole and often a thicker heel, and a softer upper part made of… |
| differently adverb | /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/ | In a different way. |
| acknowledge verb | /əkˈnɑ.lɪd͡ʒ/ | To admit the knowledge of; to recognize as a fact or truth; to declare one's belief in. |
| inventory noun | /ˈɪn.vən.tɹi/ | The stock of an item on hand at a particular location or business. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| come back verb | To return to a place. |
| go along with verb | To acquiesce to or comply with a proposal, despite lacking a desire or value for it. |
| come up verb | To emerge or become known, especially unexpectedly. |
| get back to verb | Return to (an activity) |
| go back verb | To return to a place or state after having been there at a previous time. |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 39 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, you're, I've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: nevertheless /ˌnɛvɚðəˈlɛs/, empathetic /ˌɛmpəˈθɛtɪk/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, meditation /mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/, shoe /ˈʃu/, notion /ˈnoʊʃən/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/
- Long words — get the stress right: differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, ceremony /ˈsɛɹ.əˌmoʊ.ni/, nevertheless /ˌnɛvɚðəˈlɛs/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like compassion, spin, regret.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.