Shadowing Practice: Why Pulling Away from What Is Hard Always Makes It Worse | Pema Chödrön - Learn English Speaking with Video
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flowers bloom and there they are beautiful and then they start to wilt
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and that's just the nature of things don't take it so personally i think that's also don't take it so personally
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I think a lot of us have concerns about aging.
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Yeah.
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It's going to get tough.
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Yeah.
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I'm going to lose friends, physical capacities, mental capacities, potentially.
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What do you see in your experience as the opportunity in aging, if there is one?
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Oh, there definitely is one.
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Definitely.
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Well, first thing is, start cultivating in your life the path of not resisting what's happening.
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And this whole thing of no spin-off.
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Like, I mean, gosh, I have a bad back and I have indigestion problems, but in general I'm in really good shape.
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I mean, I really, I rejoice in that.
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But recently I met somebody who had a bad back and ingestion problems, and it was like the end of the world.
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Now I'm aging and I'm not beautiful anymore and it really hurts and blah,
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blah, blah, like spinning off.
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So let's talk about the...
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This is something else I've been talking about just recently.
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There's a difference between pain and suffering.
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say pain happens is inevitable part of age I mean of life aging definitely
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but suffering is optional and suffering is the spin-off part
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because this this woman
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that I was talking with the all the suffering was not about the back pain
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or the you know the stomach problems pain it was the spin-off
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that was causing her to suffer you know
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because I was thinking gosh I have exactly the same stuff you know so when
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when i was um uh you know like in my 60s i think late 60s maybe early 70s
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or something so i had this friend who was uh dying of emphysema
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but she had had a lot of stuff in her life
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painful stuff including a very painful childhood uh during the second world war in europe And so I said to her,
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oh gosh, you know, I'm getting this pain.
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She's, oh yes, I've had that for years.
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You know, I have that for years.
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And then next time I see her, oh, now I have this stomach thing is, oh, yes, she says, yes, I've had that.
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In other words, there was nothing you could say, you know, bad knees, bad hips, like anything.
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She's, oh, yes, yes.
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But what you knew is that she never said anything about it, right?
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She never said anything about it.
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I mean, you know, she's saying yes, yes, but she isn't saying, oh, yes, oy vey, you know, poor me.
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So one of the, there's this teaching of the slogans, the lojong slogans, where there's many of these different sayings,
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and one of them is, don't wallow in self-pity, you know.
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So I think number one, aging instruction, don't wallow in self-pity, you know, don't spin off about what's happening,
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just stay with what's happening.
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and i know it can be much worse for some than
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others i mean i'm really very aware of all this
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because it's my age group right younger and older uh but but i think this this capacity to
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be fully present with what's happening to you without the spin-off is maybe the best best instruction.
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Then age has a lot to teach you.
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First of all, you're very slowed down, much more slowed down than earlier.
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It just comes along with it.
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You take twice as long to do almost anything, then younger people can get pretty antsy and upset about it,
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but there's nothing you can do about it.
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That can be enormously helpful for the spiritual path and for connecting with the infinite, for slowing down, for noticing.
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Also, most older people have a lot more time, you know, a lot more time for instance than a young mother.
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And so there's a lot more time to just sit and look at the sky,
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just sit and watch the birds or connect more with the fundamental spaciousness and stillness in life.
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I find that that's a great gift.
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And also if you do slow down and you do
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allow yourself to be present and without the spinning off feeling sorry for yourself,
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then I think this ability to notice that oh yeah the the infinite is always here.
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I can connect with it at any time.
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It becomes more and more accessible to And I even think with dementia,
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which is one that everybody fears more than pain, really.
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But I think even with dementia, what I noticed at least in early stages is there's sometimes a lot of access to spaciousness.
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A lot of access, like a lot of sense of joy in the very moment, you know, in the very, very moment.
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Maybe panic and fear when things are uncertain, but just living moment to moment,
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there's some almost childlike delight in what is happening.
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So I don't know, I have no idea you know I could easily get dementia
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I could easily be in a lot more pain than I am and etc.
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I don't find
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that aging it's more like I say well gosh you know is did we knew it was coming you know
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and and so here it is so you it's just flowers bloom
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and there they are beautiful and then they start to wilt and that's just the nature of things
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don't take it so personally I think that's also don't take it so personally you know.
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Anipema, what do you aspire will be the greatest gifts that people will take from your life and teaching?
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My life?
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Yeah.
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What if you were able to articulate like, God, you know, if it all added up to something for other people, I'd love it to add up to this.
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Oh, yeah.
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Yeah.
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I think I'd like it to add up to being able to expand your capacity to hold uncertainty and insecurity,
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those kind of feelings so that you could relax with your life.
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I think would add up to you know anything that's like lean into
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that world which is difficult rather than pull back so
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that your life can expand more and more more rather than contract more and more.
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Anything that brings down barriers.
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I think if there's anything in my teaching
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that would allow a person in a conversation with another person
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first for instance to be have the motivation not be am I going to win this argument
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or am I am I right here?
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It would be how can this conversation bring down barriers rather than put them up?
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How can it lessen the aggression between us rather than make it more?
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That's people would start asking those kind of questions rather than
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how is it going to work out for me kind of questions.
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More, I suppose you could say universal questions of like what is,
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what am I doing right in terms of like softening up each other's hearts?
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What am I doing right now in terms of making it be communication from the heart rather than clashing?
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What can I, if there's anything in the teachings that would help people to, Trumper Merche used this expression,
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collaborate with reality rather than struggle with it or move against it but collaborate with it. That would be wonderful.
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That would be wonderful.
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And to end, do you think, could we end with some kind of shared blessing?
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Could you offer that to all of the listeners who are joining us?
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Well, can I say this first and then that?
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So one of the things that I aspire, that I, a prayer I say, is that throughout all my lives,
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may I never be separated from my beloved teachers that I've met in this life who have given me so much.
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And that's a prayer that I say through all my lives, may I never be separated from them.
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Because I figure then I'll always connect with these wisdom teachings, you know, because it goes hand in hand.
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It isn't about their personalities.
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It's about what they have taught.
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And then in terms of blessings for others,
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Well, may we all grow in the ability to love one another.
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May we all grow in the ability to catch ourselves when we start spinning out.
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may we all be able to just stay with our experience just as it is may we all remember
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that when we're getting caught up to go look at the sky may we all remember
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that when when we're hurting that we think of other people in the same boat who are also hurting.
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So rather than our hurt be the thing that causes us to go inward and become more afraid,
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that very same suffering is a vehicle for causing us to realize our shared humanity.
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Discover on-demand videos and docu-series.
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At Sounds True One, we invite you inward to find your way, your way.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “Why Pulling Away from What Is Hard Always Makes It Worse”. This video has 121 sentences and 1530 words to shadow. The speech runs for 11:30. The speaker talks at a steady 133 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | A mild expression of surprise or enthusiasm. |
| dementia noun | /dɪˈmɛnʃə/ | A progressive decline in cognitive function due to damage or disease in the brain beyond what might be expected from normal aging. Areas particularly affected… |
| aspire verb | /əˈspaɪɚ/ | To have a strong desire or ambition to achieve something. |
| inward adjective | /ˈɪnwəd/ | Situated on the inside; that is within, inner; belonging to the inside. |
| spaciousness noun | /ˈspeɪ.ʃəs.nəs/ | The state or quality of being spacious. |
| wallow verb | /ˈwɒ.ləʊ/ | To roll oneself about in something dirty, for example in mud. |
| collaborate verb | /kəˈlæb.ə.ɹeɪt/ | To work together with others to achieve a common goal. |
| slogan noun | /ˈsloʊɡən/ | A distinctive phrase of a person or group of people (such as a movement or political party); a motto. |
| bloom noun | /blum/ | A blossom; the flower of a plant; an expanded bud. |
| pity noun | /ˈpɪt.i/ | A feeling of sympathy at the misfortune or suffering of someone or something. |
| blessing noun | /ˈblɛs.ɪŋ/ | Some kind of divine or supernatural aid, or reward. |
| instruction noun | /ɪnˈstɹʌkʃən/ | The act of instructing, teaching, or providing with information or knowledge. |
| barrier noun | /ˈbæɹi.ə/ | A structure that bars passage. |
| infinite adjective | /ˈɪnfɪnɪt/ | Indefinably large, countlessly great; immense. |
| childlike adjective | /ˈt͡ʃaɪldlaɪk/ | Innocent and trustful; credulous; artless. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| add up to verb | To have a particular effect in combination. |
| slow down verb | To decelerate. |
| bring down verb | To make (a ruler or government) lose their position of power. |
| pull back verb | To retreat. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've had · I've met · have taught |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | somebody who had · friend who was · world which is |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be separated |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 27 contractions and reduced forms, such as don't, I'm, I've. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, dementia /dɪˈmɛnʃə/, spaciousness /ˈspeɪ.ʃəs.nəs/, instruction /ɪnˈstɹʌkʃən/, aggression /əˈɡɹɛʃən/
- Long words — get the stress right: collaborate /kəˈlæb.ə.ɹeɪt/, emphysema /ˌɛmfɪˈsimə/, indigestion /ˌɪn.dɪˈd͡ʒɛs.t͡ʃən/, articulate /ɑːɹˈtɪk.jə.leɪt/, uncertainty /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like gosh, dementia, aspire.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.