Shadowing Practice: Peter Fonagy: What is Mentalization? - Learn English Speaking with Video

Mentalisation is not a new concept,

but in fact it was particularly intensively used in the 19th century around 1880,

the effort that the mind made was called mentalizing.

And the word actually came into language in the 16th, 17th century has been around.

We started using it along with neuroscientists colleagues in the late 1980s to describe the effort

that an individual makes to understand other people in terms of their thoughts, their feelings, their wishes, their beliefs,

their desires, what goes on between their ears, their subjective world.

If you start understanding behavior in terms of the feelings or the thoughts that give rise to it,

it gives you a sense of meaning that behavior becomes meaningful.

And of course the same processes apply to one's own behavior.

Why did we start using it just then?

Well, neuroscience progressed and we realized that there were particular parts of the brain that actually were devoted just for this function,

just to understand behavior in terms of mental state

so it was kind of it was a thing it was something that perhaps we needed to consider.

We were the first group in London to apply that notion to how parents understood their children

that you can understand a child in terms of the thoughts, the feelings, the wishes, the beliefs,

the desires that the child has that might explain to you why the child behaves in that way.

That understanding will determine your attitude towards the child.

If you think that the child who,

I don't know, whose face is just covered in chocolate and looking at you and kind of tentatively child maybe of one,

their first birthday, and they're looking at you having just dipped that entire face in the chocolate cake that you have made.

And you look back.

How you interpret the child's actions,

whether there's something that they did for fun and and you laugh along with them, or you see the child doing that just

because they wanted to ruin the whole birthday celebration and not appreciate how much effort that you have made.

How you conceive of the child's behaviour will entirely determine your reaction, and the child is looking at you,

trying to understand the meaning of their actions in your reactions.

So in that little interchange, there are two people each trying to read each other's minds.

And it happens in a flash, in the blink of an eye, how your intuitive understanding of the child

and how the child's intuitive understanding of your reaction can make that interaction something that's joyful,

that's something that is a memory

that will stay with you for the rest of your life

and something that you remind remind the child of or it's something

that becomes a source of anxiety for the child

that they don't know that what they do may be met with disapproval

and their intention is not recognized it's always becomes spontaneity, will always be a source of threat.

Some parents struggle a little bit more with seeing the child as the child is,

the child's genuine thoughts, genuine feelings, genuine beliefs, genuine desires behind their action,

and they are more likely to put their ideas about what the child might be trying to do into the child,

onto the child, and that may sometimes be unhelpful.

I don't think that anybody does that on purpose.

Sometimes I know that as a parent, sometimes I get tired.

When I get tired or when I get anxious, I'm much more likely to jump to conclusions about my child and misunderstand.

And to be honest, probably I get the child right.

and this is somebody talking who prides themselves on his sensitivity about 50 % of the time.

But I think that actually is probably extremely healthy for the child because they get used to it.

If they got used to in their interaction with you, they got used to them being perfectly understood all the time,

that wouldn't prepare them for life.

I think there are very important elements to understanding the impact of modern culture,

modern society on child rearing from the point of view of mentalizing.

Because mentalizing as an approach highlights is the critical nature of the relationship between child and parent,

that the child is looking to find themselves,

their subjectivity in the mind of an adult who is there for them exclusively,

because of the nature of that relationship being an attachment relationship.

Replacing that adult with any kind of generic stimulus like a television

or something that's presented by the media is potentially catastrophic

because it will not have the opportunity within it to enable the child to recognize themselves.

And if we think that that's important, and I personally think it is the most important thing, then there is a very profound risk.

I think I've got two or three pieces of evidence that speak to that.

The first is from much later in development, that what we've now recognised is that in adolescence,

certainly after age 11 or 12,

children's primary socialising agents are other children.

They encounter very few adults.

And I think this has led to substantial problems like the increase of anxiety in girls and increase of self -harm,

a whole range of difficulties.

I think there is also evidence

that the more we have focused on early childhood as an area of concern

that children from the younger stage needed to be recognized as children,

as individuals, the more benefit that we can see in terms of 10 years later,

there's adolescents being less violent.

A very good example of that is in England where a government coming in,

putting a great deal of money into early childhood interventions, led 10 years later to a decline of violent crime.

I think thirdly, and perhaps to me most importantly,

the amount of time

that a parent spends with the child is less important than the quality of

that time and we know a hell of a lot about that.

And the quality of that time is not

so much to do with quality of happy time or good time or pleasant time,

it's to do with the parent being there to help the child solve the problems

that they on their own feel unable to solve.

So it's to me problem -solving time.

So it's young children being able to turn to an adult who is there for them with the problems

that they experience from within.

If that channel can be preserved then the quality of the relationship between the parent

and the child will fulfill its evolutionary function.

If that is missed, then that person,

that little person, will find it less safe to turn to others around them,

to help them with the problems that they will have throughout their life.

So, to me,

it is opening the child's mind up to solutions to their problems being found in the social network around them.

That is what we want to establish in the early years.

If we fail young children in that by overemphasis in the media,

by neglect, a whole range of other things.

I think we will make the child more rigid, more closed off, less flexible, less adaptable, less willing to learn.

And after all it is for learning that we have been put on this planet.

We are just teaching and learning machines.

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About This Lesson

Ready to boost your english speaking practice while learning fascinating ideas? This lesson uses a video on "mentalization" to help you master conversational fluency, critical for IELTS speaking practice and daily interactions. You’ll practice understanding complex ideas, mimicking natural speech patterns, and using nuanced vocabulary—all while exploring how we interpret others’ thoughts. It’s a fun way to learn english with videos and see quick progress!

Key Vocabulary & Phrases

Mentalization: The act of understanding behavior through thoughts, feelings, or desires (e.g., "Her mentalization of the child’s actions helped her stay calm").
Subjective world: A person’s unique inner experiences (e.g., "We often forget to consider others’ subjective worlds").
Jump to conclusions: To judge without full information (e.g., "Tired parents sometimes jump to conclusions about their kids").
Intuitive understanding: A gut feeling about someone’s intentions (e.g., "Her intuitive understanding of the dog’s fear saved the day").
Source of anxiety: Something that causes worry (e.g., "Miscommunication can be a source of anxiety in relationships").

Practice Tips: Master Shadowing with This Video

This video has a warm, conversational tone—perfect for shadow speak (or shadowspeaks). Here’s how to practice:
1. Start slow: Pause after 5-second clips and repeat, focusing on the speaker’s rhythm (he pauses slightly before key terms like "mentalization").
2. Mimic emotion: Notice how his voice softens when talking about children—copy that warmth to sound natural.
3. Focus on connectors: Words like "and," "but," and "well" link ideas. Shadowing these will make your speech flow better, a must for IELTS speaking practice.
Do this daily for 10 minutes, and you’ll soon notice your fluency and confidence soar. You’ve got this!

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	was called · were devoted · is just covered
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	has been · have made · we've now recognised

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

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