Практика Shadowing: How I stopped feeling lonely FOREVER (and you can too) - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube
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Oh my god, she got engaged?
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Oh my god, she got engaged?
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To who?
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Damn, that ring is so pretty.
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Wait, I know these girls.
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When did they get closer and why wasn't I invited?
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I literally have 2,000 followers,
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but I don't even talk to anybody.
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I should just start on following people.
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We know this feeling so well,
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constantly surrounded by people yet still painfully lonely.
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But you're not crazy.
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For most of my life,
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I felt like the side character too,
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seeing people I knew hang out with each other yet never being invited.
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Watching people at school get into relationships,
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but waiting for someone to ask me out.
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I knew people liked me,
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but why did I feel so alone most of the time?
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If you've ever felt like this and wondered why no one seems to notice you,
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I have the answer.
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And it's not some generic self-help advice that doesn't actually work.
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After years of struggling with chronic loneliness,
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this is how I reversed my thinking and lifestyle to overcome it
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and how you can do the same so that you'll never feel lonely again.
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But first, we need to understand why do we feel lonely?
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Loneliness is complicated and it can have many causes such as loss,
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breakups, moving locations, etc. But in essence,
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loneliness happens when there is a disconnect between the relationships we want to have and the relationships we actually have.
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Despite having several friends, you might still feel lonely because you feel you lack meaningful relationships.
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And this is why most people these days are lonely.
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Statistically, one out of every four adults worldwide experienced loneliness,
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with 30% of Americans aged 18 to 24 saying that they were lonely every day or several times a week.
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With this era of social media,
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it has undoubtedly made us the opposite of social.
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Despite having tons of followers and online connections,
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we lack meaningful relationships in real life,
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and this was exactly how I felt.
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In high school, I definitely had friends.
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There were people I talked to every day,
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and we would even hang out after class.
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In college, I literally lived in the most social dorm on campus
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and I made it an effort to make as many friends as I could my first year.
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But at night when everyone else had going out plans, I had none.
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I was hoping someone would invite me to hang out,
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but that text never came.
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I spent so many nights going to bed early wondering why I had no real friends.
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I mean, did these people just not care about me the way I cared about them?
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And it got me thinking,
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why do I care so much?
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I mean why did I place so much value in other people more than myself?
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And so fast forward a few years later,
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I graduated, moved back home,
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left all my friends across the country,
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and basically had to restart my life.
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All of a sudden, I was by myself again,
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but it felt different this time.
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I was alone, but I wasn't lonely.
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And so these are the exact things I did that helped me overcome my chronic loneliness and finally get meaningful relationships.
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The biggest reason I felt so lonely back then was because of this power dynamic I created in my mind.
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That all my friends and the people I knew were more important,
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more outgoing, and more likable than me.
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And that's the biggest problem right there.
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Because you cannot devalue yourself to get other people to like you.
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The truth is, I was just as important,
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just as outgoing, and just as likable as everyone else, if not more.
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So this is your reality check.
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You have to build up your self-esteem to overcome your loneliness.
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You cannot be insecure about yourself and expect massive change.
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The other thing I realized is that my loneliness has nothing to do with other people and them ignoring me.
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It has everything to do with myself.
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I am the reason I'm lonely.
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Because how can I expect other people to like me when I don't even like myself?
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How can I expect other people to want to get to know me when I don't even know who I am?
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We tend to blame external things as the root of our problems when really 99% of the time it starts from within.
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And so finally, that is when I began to build a real relationship with myself.
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Because at the end of the day,
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the only person that is going to give the most shits about you is you.
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Everyone is only thinking about themselves.
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And I realized it was time I started to think about myself for once.
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Who is Allison?
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What does Allison like to do for fun?
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What makes Allison happy?
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And it scared me because I couldn't even answer my own questions.
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I was just so disconnected from myself because I was so focused on getting other people to like me.
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So remember, the first step to overcoming loneliness is to build a real relationship with yourself.
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You need to fall in love with you.
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Figure out everything that makes you happy and go do them.
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You don't need to wait for anybody else.
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Like for me, it was writing,
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cooking, going to cafes alone,
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window shopping, and truthfully, I felt guilty doing some of these things because it felt almost selfish and in vain.
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But really, when you prioritize your own needs and wants,
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it is the opposite of selfish.
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Because you no longer need anyone to fill the void.
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Nobody can fulfill you except you.
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Not even your boyfriend or girlfriend.
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And until you believe this,
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you will keep being disappointed again and again.
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Remember, loneliness isn't about needing more people.
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It's a sign that you've abandoned yourself.
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When I think back to those nights in college when I was alone in my dorm on a Friday night,
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the biggest emotion I actually felt was resentment.
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Resentful that my friends could just forget about me and our friendship.
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It felt like everyone was so fake and didn't actually value me the way I valued them.
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When I graduated and moved back home, the resentment followed me.
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I had just started YouTube and wanted nothing more than to have a content creator friend.
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But after months of checking my DMs, no one reached out.
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I literally thought, well, I guess I just don't have enough followers yet.
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Everyone must think I'm a scrub.
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But you see, neither of these situations were actually reality.
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The thing that was keeping me lonely were these negative thought patterns and having a victim mentality.
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To overcome loneliness, I had to stop sitting around feeling sorry for myself and actually take action.
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I had to stop waiting and start reaching out to people.
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It sounds like common sense,
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but in practice, it's actually extremely scary because I used to think that people just didn't want to hear from me.
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And I hated the thought of getting rejected.
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It like, it terrified me.
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But you know that cheesy inspirational quote that says,
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you miss 100% of the shots you don't take?
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Well, it's actually 100% the truth.
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You cannot wait for someone to check in on you because that is the self-fulfilling prophecy that only reinforces your loneliness.
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You will be waiting for days, weeks, months.
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You cannot rely on other people to fix your problems for you.
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No one is coming to save you,
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so you need to save yourself and reach out to them.
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Because the reality is all the fears and negative thoughts you have about other people are never actually true.
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If anything, most people are happy to receive a text from someone else.
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People like to be invited to things because it makes them feel wanted.
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So be that person that takes initiative first.
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The worst thing that can happen is they say no and if they do then move on to the next person.
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It is not that deep.
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Connection starts when someone is brave enough to go first so I chose to be that person.
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I started to DM random girls in my city that I wanted to be friends with.
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Yeah not everyone responded but eventually I met some really amazing woman that I still talk with to this day.
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Reaching out is a muscle and you have to train it,
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but it is the secret to how I overcame my loneliness.
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Only you have the power to change your situation because being lonely has nothing to do with other people.
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It has everything to do with you.
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However, if I'm being honest,
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the real secret to how I overcame loneliness wasn't going on solo dates or even reaching out to strangers.
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It was actually finding purpose outside other people.
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It sounds crazy like, Alison,
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how could you ever give people that much control over your life?
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But I legitimately used to believe that my goal in life was to be liked by as many people as possible.
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Because without their opinions of me, who was I?
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I needed to know how others felt about me so that I could decide how I felt about myself.
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It's messed up, but subconsciously that's how a lot of people think.
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I had just gotten out of a two
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and a half year relationship my last semester in college and that breakup made me realize that I had lost all purpose.
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I had no boyfriend anymore,
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no friends, and no identity and it terrified me that it had gotten to that point.
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So when I moved back home after that semester,
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I did the one thing I had been neglecting my whole life.
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I started YouTube and suddenly there was no more time or energy to spend feeling sorry for myself.
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I was so swept up in writing,
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filming, and editing content for the 17 people who were subscribed to me at the time.
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It sounds pointless, but at the time,
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that was my saving grace.
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Realizing that I actually wasn't alone and could connect with thousands of other people across the world became my motivation.
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Purpose gives you something to wake up for,
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something bigger than waiting for someone to text you back.
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It shifts your focus from who's thinking of me to what impact can I make today.
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The more I poured into my purpose,
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the less space my loneliness had to grow.
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You have to understand that your purpose is not determined by how other people feel about you.
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It's how you feel about yourself.
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It wasn't until I stopped living for other people and started living for myself that the loneliness began to fade.
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So if you keep giving others the power to control how you feel,
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you will forever stay lonely.
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But if you give yourself the freedom to build a meaningful relationship with yourself,
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you will be surprised at how many people will want to build one with you.
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If you're feeling lonely right now,
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it does not mean you're broken.
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It does not mean nobody likes you.
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It's just a wake-up call to find a more meaningful connection with yourself.
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And if you're having trouble getting started,
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I want you to write down three ways you can make yourself happy this week and do one of them.
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And if that means making the first move with someone,
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then do it because you never know if they're also waiting to.
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If any of this resonated with you,
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then leave me a comment below and let's chat.
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I read everything you write,
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so consider this as your first step to overcoming loneliness.
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As always, thank you so much for being here and I'll see you in the next one.
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Bye!
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Контекст и背景
В этом видео говорящий делится личным опытом борьбы с чувством одиночества, которое знакомо многим. Несмотря на наличие друзей и подписчиков в социальных сетях, он чувствовал себя изолированным и беспомощным. Этот контраст между желаемыми и реальными отношениями приводит к неудовлетворенности и глубокой скуке. Одиночество может возникнуть по разным причинам, и этот рассказ служит хорошим примером для анализа своих собственных социальных контактов.
Топ-5 фраз для ежедневного общения
- «Я должен начать отписываться от людей.» - выражает чувство необходимости пересмотреть свои связи.
- «Почему я чувствую себя таким одиноким?» - главный вопрос, который волнует многих.
- «Все остальные идут на вечеринки, а у меня нет планов.» - демонстрирует обособленность и отсутствие приглашений.
- «Мне не хватает значимых отношений.» - указывает на то, что количество друзей не всегда равно качеству общения.
- «Почему я такой сильно ценю других больше, чем себя?» - важное размышление о самоценности.
Пошаговое руководство по практике shadowing
Чтобы улучшить разговорный английский и преодолеть трудности, связанные с одиночеством, вы можете использовать метод shadowing. Этот метод помогает не только улучшать произношение, но и приобретать уверенность в общении.
- Выберите видео - начните с этого видео, оно подходит для практики shadow speech.
- Слушайте внимательно - внимательно слушайте, как говорящий выражает свои мысли о одиночестве.
- Повторяйте за спикером - воспроизводите предложения сразу после того, как услышите их. Это поможет вам запомнить и правильно произносить фразы.
- Фокусируйтесь на интонации - обращайте внимание на тональность и эмоциональную окраску, с которой произносятся слова.
- Регулярная практика - уделяйте время этому упражнению каждый день, чтобы заметить прогресс.
Используйте метод shadowspeaks, который помогает вам втянуться в атмосферу естественного общения. Занимайтесь практикой разговорного английского, чтобы расширить свои знания и уверенность в английском языке. Понимание собственных эмоций и местной культуры также способствует более глубоким социальным взаимодействиям. Применяйте shadow speak в своей практике, и вы увидите, как постепенно становитесь более открытым и уверенным в себе.
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.
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