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Hello.

Is Ross there?

No, he's not.

Can I take a message?

Yes, this is Russell, Ross's divorce lawyer.

Just tell him that since I haven't heard from him, I assume he's decided to give the marriage a try.

Ross got married again?

No!

All right, keep going.

We are phasing the accent out.

Phasing it out.

So without retesting their results in the laboratory,

the team would never have identified the initial errors in their carbon dating

were there any questions at this point yes what's happening to your accent come again what's what's this nonsense

All right, I'm not English.

I'm from Long Island.

I was really nervous, and the accent just came out.

I'm sorry.

So, if we could just get back to the lecture. Were there any questions? About paleontology?

All right, look, I was just trying to make a good first impression.

Obviously, I screwed up.

But what you guys think of me is really important, because I'm hoping to get a permanent job here.

So if you just give me another chance to make a good impression...

Russ!

Are you crazy?

I am still your wife!

What, were you just never gonna tell me?

What the hell is wrong with you?

Oh, I could just kill you!

Well, Rachel!

I want you to take a piece of paper.

Here you go.

And write down your most embarrassing memory.

Oh, and I do ask that when you're not using the markers, you put the caps back on them because they will dry out.

Listen, you guys, um, I don't mean to be a pain about this, but, um, I've noticed that some of you are just placing them on.

You want to push the caps...

until you hear them click.

Gunther, where are you going?

I, um, was sort of thinking about maybe...

No!

No, you can't go!

No, this is fun!

Come on, we're just getting started.

Here, here's your marker.

Listen, if you want to go, just go.

No, she'll yell at me again.

All right, I can get you out.

What?

Shh.

In a minute, I'm gonna create a diversion.

When I do, walk quickly to the door and don't look back.

Okay, the first person's most embarrassing memory is...

Monica, your party sucks.

Okay, very funny.

Oh, no. Oh, did someone forget to use a coaster?

What?

I don't see anything.

Great.

I'm seeing water rings again.

Okay, okay, she's taking the trash out so I can get you out of here, but it has to be now.

She'll be back any minute.

What about my friend Victor?

No, only the three of you.

Any more than that and she'll get suspicious.

All right, let me just get my coat.

There isn't time.

Just leave everything.

They'll take care of you next door.

Is it true they have beer?

Everything you've heard is true.

Could you guys please try to keep it down?

We're trying to start a barbell tournament.

You! And you!

You're supposed to be at my party! And Gunther!

What are you doing here?

Um...

Hey, welcome to the phone.

Phoebe.

All right, I'm sorry, but these people needed me.

You know, they work hard all week.

It's Saturday night.

They deserve to have a little fun.

Go.

You know, my party is fun.

I mean, maybe it's a little quieter, less obvious sort of fun

but you know if people would just give it a chance it's a look

hello my name is clunkers may i please stay with you nice people

oh i wish you could stay here but chandler's allergic extremely allergic

Okay, if I am anywhere near a dog for more than five minutes, my throat will just close up.

That's odd, because this dog's been living here for the past three days.

Really?

Chandler, if the dog has been here that long and you haven't had a reaction, maybe you're not allergic to this dog.

Well, it still has to go, right?

Why?

Okay, it's, um...

Don't do it.

Don't do what?

I have to.

100

Okay?

101

It's time.

102

Okay, I hate dogs.

103

What?

104

Crazy!

105

How are you?

106

I'm worried.

107

Told you.

108

Do you want to get this tattoo?

109

Yes, I do.

110

It's just that Ross is...

111

Okay, hey, hey!

112

Is your boyfriend the boss of you?

113

No. Okay, who is the boss of you?

114

You?

115

No, you are the boss of you.

116

Now you march your hiney in there and get that heart tattooed on your hip.

117

Go!

118

Oh, it looks so good.

119

Oh, I love it.

120

I know, so do I.

121

Oh, Phoebe, I'm so glad you made me do this.

122

Okay, let me see yours.

123

Ah.

124

Okay, let's see yours again.

125

Phoebe, we just saw mine.

126

Let me see yours.

127

Oh, okay.

128

Oh, no. Oh, it's gone.

129

That's so weird.

130

I don't know how where it went.

131

You didn't get it?

132

No. Why didn't you get it?

133

I'm sorry.

134

I'm sorry.

135

Phoebe, how could you do this to me?

136

This was all your idea.

137

I know, I know, and I was gonna get it, but then he came in with this needle,

138

and, like, did you know they do this with needles?

139

Really?

140

You don't say, because mine was licked on by kittens!

141

Hey, Joe.

142

What's up?

143

Bad news.

144

I watched the tape and passed along to my bosses, and they weren't interested.

145

Oh.

146

Sorry, man.

147

But, uh, you watched the tape?

148

Yeah, I -I -I liked it.

149

But, uh, my bosses didn't go for it.

150

Stupid sons of bitches!

151

You didn't watch the tape.

152

What?

153

Of course I did.

154

Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but to lie to me?

155

I'm not lying to you.

156

I watched it.

157

Well, you lied again.

158

I watched it.

159

Keep going, Pinocchio.

160

I did.

161

No, you didn't.

162

I'm telling you, I watched the tape.

163

Did you watch the tape?

164

No. I can't believe Joey.

165

I hate being called a liar.

166

But you are a liar.

167

What did I just say?

168

You still here?

169

Yes, and I have to say, I am not just hurt.

170

I am insulted.

171

When I tell somebody I did something.

172

Okay, hold on.

173

Let me just stop you right there, okay?

174

Okay, first you lied, right?

175

Then you lied about lying, okay?

176

Then you lied about lying about lying, okay?

177

So before you lie about lying about lying about lying about...

178

Lying...

179

Stop lying!

180

Why are you so sure I didn't watch this tape?

181

You wanna know why?

182

You wanna know why?

183

Oh, this is going well.

184

Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, okay?

185

If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments.

186

All right, now, remember, I got paid a lot of money for this, and it only aired in Japan.

187

Ichiban.

188

Ichiban, lipstick for men.

189

Itchy -bon.

190

Lipstick for men.

191

Saiko.

192

And that's how I know you didn't watch the tape.

193

He really is a chameleon.

194

Hi.

195

I'm here for Ross Geller's memorial service.

196

Corey?

197

Corey Weston?

198

Yeah.

199

You look amazing.

200

And you are?

201

Chandler.

202

Chandler Bing.

203

And I'm not gay.

204

I'm not gay at all.

205

You are married, though.

206

Don't listen to him.

207

He's in a really bad mood.

208

I can't believe that

209

Ross is gone.

210

It is just so sad.

211

I didn't know

212

Ross and you were so close.

213

No, we weren't, but we had one class together.

214

He was such a great guy, and he talked so passionately about science.

215

I always remembered him.

216

I'm sure that would mean a lot to him.

217

And if heaven has a door, I'm sure he's pressing his ear up against it and listening intently.

218

I thought so many times about calling him and asking him out.

219

I guess I really missed my chance.

220

No, you didn't!

221

I'm still alive.

222

Corey, I know this is a big surprise for you.

223

It's a long story, but the things you just said really made my day.

224

I mean, the fact that you're here means more to me than if this room were filled with people.

225

You sick freak!

226

Who does that?

227

I can't believe I had a crush on you. Did you hear that?

228

Corey Weston had a crush on me!

229

Well, listen, you guys.

230

I have this friend at Bloomingdale's who's quitting tomorrow, and he wants to abuse his discount.

231

So, anyone who wants to come with me and take advantage of it?

232

No, I can't.

233

I have to take my grandmother to the vet.

234

Okay.

235

Um, I'll go with you.

236

Great.

237

Okay.

238

Hi, honey.

239

Hey, sweetums.

240

And hello to the rest.

241

Hi.

242

Monica, what are you doing?

243

You can't go shopping with her.

244

What about Rachel?

245

This is gonna be a problem, isn't it?

246

Oh, come on.

247

You're going to Bloomingdale's with Julie?

248

It's like cheating on Rachel in her house of worship.

249

But I just want to...

250

Monica, she will kill you.

251

She will kill you like a dog in the street.

252

So, uh, Jules tells me you guys are going shopping tomorrow?

253

Oh, yeah, um, it's actually not that big a deal.

254

It's a big deal to me.

255

This is great, Monica.

256

I really appreciate it.

257

You're welcome.

258

Woof, woof!

259

Hey.

260

Hey, where is everybody?

261

They took Ben to the park.

262

Where have you been?

263

Just out.

264

Had some lunch.

265

Just me.

266

Little quality time with me.

267

Hey, thanks for your jacket.

268

Oh, no problem.

269

You can borrow it, by the way.

270

Oh, here are your keys, honey.

271

Thank you.

272

Mon?

273

Mm -hmm?

274

If you were at lunch alone, how come it cost you $53?

275

You know what probably happened?

276

Someone must have stolen my credit card.

277

And sort of just put the receipt back in your pocket.

278

Huh.

279

That is an excellent, excellent question. That is excellent.

280

Monica, what's with you?

281

Who did you have lunch with?

282

Judy? Who?

283

Julie.

284

What?

285

Jody?

286

You were with Julie?

287

Look, when it started, I was just trying to be nice to her because she was my brother's girlfriend.

288

And then one thing led to another, and before I knew it, we were...

289

shopping.

290

Oh, my God.

291

Honey, wait, we only did it once.

292

It didn't mean anything to me.

293

Yeah, right.

294

Really?

295

Sure.

296

Rachel, I was thinking of you the whole time.

297

Look, I'm sorry, all right?

298

I never meant for you to find out.

299

Oh, please, please.

300

You wanted to get caught.

301

That is not true.

302

So you just sort of happened to leave it in here?

303

Did it ever occur to you that I might just be that stupid?

304

Okay, Monica, I just have to know one thing.

305

Did you go with her to Bloomingdale's?

306

Oh!

307

Okay.

308

Okay.

309

Okay, I just really, um, I just really need to not be with you right now.

310

I'm going to go change in my room.

311

My clothes are...

312

Oh.

313

Wow, you look...

314

No time for that.

315

Hey, dude, let me in.

316

I got a girl out here.

317

Well, I've got a girl in here.

318

No, you don't.

319

I just saw you go in there with Monica.

320

Well, we're hanging out in here.

321

Which one of us is going to be having sex in there, me or you?

322

Well, I suppose I would have to say you.

323

What if we're watching a movie in here?

324

Which we are, and we already paid for it.

325

It's My Giant.

326

My Giant?

327

I love that movie.

328

Hey.

329

Urs, what are you doing here?

330

I've been trying to call you.

331

Listen, um...

332

Oh, no, no, no, don't say listen.

333

I know that listen.

334

I've said that listen.

335

I'm sorry.

336

I don't get it.

337

What happened?

338

What about everything you said under the bridge?

339

Yeah, um...

340

You know, you should just forget about what I said under the bridge.

341

I was talking crazy that night.

342

I was so drunk.

343

You don't drink.

344

That's right, I don't.

345

But I was drunk on you.

346

Oh, Urs.

347

But okay, yeah, so it's not gonna work.

348

Why?

349

Is it because I'm friends with Phoebe?

350

If it was, would you stop hanging out with her?

351

No. No. I couldn't do that.

352

Then yeah, it's because of Phoebe.

353

So, you know, it's either her or me.

354

Then, uh, then I'm sorry.

355

You know, you're gonna be really, really hard to get over.

356

I know.

357

I don't know whether it's just because we're breaking up or what, but you have never looked so beautiful.

358

Really?

359

Oh, my

360

God.

361

Peeves?

362

Yeah.

363

Oh, my God, my star student.

364

You know, you called me that before, so I took the liberty of fashioning a star out of aluminum foil.

365

Now, no pressure.

366

You like my cookies, you give me the star.

367

Mm.

368

Mm -mm -mm.

369

Wow, a star.

370

I know you all hate me, and I'm sorry, but I don't care.

371

Okay, Joey, you're up next.

372

Oh, my God!

373

This is amazing!

374

You get an A.

375

I get an A?

376

A in school?

377

Hey, I'm a dork.

378

Joey, I'm so proud of you.

379

I think you should give him your star.

380

Excuse me?

381

He doesn't even know what he's doing.

382

We're all beginners here.

383

Nobody knows what they're doing.

384

I do.

385

I'm a professional chef.

386

Oh, relax.

387

It's not a courtroom drama.

388

If you're a professional chef, what are you doing taking introduction to cooking?

389

Yeah.

390

I'm sorry.

391

It's just that, um...

392

Well, I cook at this restaurant, Alessandro's, and I just got a really bad review.

393

Oh, Alessandro's.

394

I love that place.

395

You do?

396

Oh, yes.

397

You're an excellent chef.

398

As a person, you're a little...

399

Oh, I'm totally crazy.

400

But you like the food?

401

Oh, very much.

402

Okay, then.

403

I don't stink.

404

I'm a good chef.

405

Okay.

406

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

407

I don't want to go.

408

I'm having fun.

409

Well, actually, did either of you pay for this class?

410

Hey, hey, hey, if my friend says it's time to go, it's time to go.

411

Did I make you take an oath?

412

No, I made myself take one.

413

Yeah, no fooling around with clients.

414

And, um, always be prepared.

415

Yeah, that one's actually from the Boy Scouts, but it just makes good sense.

416

Why don't you just give them to somebody else?

417

No, I can handle it.

418

No, I'm a professional.

419

Oh, Phibes, is that a new ankle bracelet?

420

Well, and you got a pedicure.

421

Your feet are all dressed up.

422

Because that's the only part of you he can see when he's on the table.

423

You're gonna do some feet flirting.

424

I don't know what you're talking about.

425

Then how do you explain the toe ring?

426

Because it's Arabian Princess Day at work, okay?

427

Leave me alone.

428

If I wanted to.

429

Interesting.

430

Hmm.

431

Anyway, um, probably worked out for the best.

432

Yeah, sure.

433

Okay, in about ten seconds, you're gonna see him kiss me.

434

And in about five seconds, you're gonna see what?

435

Ross, did I ever tell you about the time that I went backpacking through Western Europe?

436

Hey, get ready to see some begging.

437

Oh, you came on the run.

438

What?

439

Now I'm so happy.

440

What are you talking about?

441

You used the Europe story.

442

That's the magic story you use when you want to have sex.

443

How do you know about that story?

444

How do you know about that story?

445

I heard it from my friend

446

Irene, who heard it from some guy.

447

Some guy?

448

No, no. She told me that his name was Ken Adams.

449

Ken Adams?

450

I think Barry is seeing someone in the city.

451

What would make you think that?

452

Well, ever since we announced the engagement, he's been acting really weird and then last night he came home smelling like Chanel.

453

Really?

454

Mindy, if it'll make you feel any better, when Barry and I first got engaged, he went through a whole weird thing to you.

455

Oh, God, you see, that's what I was afraid of.

456

What?

457

What's what you're afraid of?

458

Okay, okay.

459

When Barry was engaged to you, who he and I kind of had a little thing on the side.

460

What?

461

I know, I know.

462

And when he proposed to me, everyone said, don't do it, he's just gonna do to you what he did to Rachel,

463

and now I feel so stupid.

464

Ha -ha.

465

Oh, Mindy.

466

Oh, you are so stupid.

467

Oh, we are both so stupid.

468

What do you mean?

469

Smell familiar?

470

Oh, no. Oh, I'm so sorry.

471

Oh, no, me.

472

I am so sorry.

473

No, I am sorry.

474

I'm sorry.

475

You want to see something?

476

Sure, what?

477

Okay, um, this is going to be fun.

478

Watch me freak out Chandler.

479

Honey?

480

Yeah?

481

Listen, uh...

482

I've been doing some thinking, and I don't know whether it's because we're here or...

483

Rachel's giving birth. But, um...

484

I think we should try to have a baby.

485

Okay.

486

What's that now?

487

Okay, I've been thinking about it, too, and I think we're ready.

488

What? Are you kidding me?

489

You think we're ready to have a baby now?

490

This is fun.

491

You're ready to have a baby?

492

My boy's all grown up!

493

You said you were ready, too.

494

Yeah, but I was just screwing with you to try to get your voice all high and weird, like mine is now.

495

Guess what?

496

Haven't you wanted a kid, like, forever?

497

Okay, just back off, mister.

498

Wait for me.

499

It was a mistake.

500

I made a mistake, okay?

501

A mistake?

502

What were you trying to put it in?

503

Her purse? Where?

504

Where did he put it?

505

Ross, you had sex with another woman.

506

Oh, my God.

507

Oh, I knew something had to be wrong because my fingernails did not grow at all yesterday.

508

Yeah, well, I guess they had a fight and he got drunk.

509

You guys knew about this and you didn't tell us.

510

He had sex and we get hit in our heads.

511

You know what?

512

I want you to leave.

513

Get out of here.

514

Just get out, now.

515

No, I want to stay.

516

I want to talk about this.

517

Okay.

518

All right.

519

How was she?

520

Uh -oh.

521

What?

522

Was she good?

523

Don't answer that.

524

Oh, my gosh.

525

You said you wanted to talk about it.

526

Let's talk about it.

527

How was she?

528

She was awful.

529

She was not good.

530

Not good.

531

Not good.

532

Not good.

533

Not good.

534

Not good.

535

Not good.

536

She was different.

537

Oh.

538

Uh -oh.

539

Good.

540

Different.

541

Nobody likes change.

542

Just stop.

543

There it is. Should we do something?

544

Yeah, never cheat on Rachel.

545

I'm sorry, okay?

546

I'm sorry.

547

I was disgusted with myself, and this morning I was so upset, and then I got your message, and I was so happy,

548

and all I wanted was to get her out of my apartment as fast as possible.

549

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a minute.

550

What time did your little friend leave?

551

Huh?

552

Oh, my God.

553

She was there.

554

She was still there?

555

She was in there when I was in there?

556

Oh, Jessica!

557

Hey.

558

So how is this for a big double date tonight?

559

Oh, my God.

560

Oh, great.

561

Just the reaction I was hoping for.

562

Yeah, so you found someone for me?

563

You didn't forget?

564

Of course not, and you are going to love Mary Ellen.

565

She's really smart and cute and funny, and...

566

I can't tell you how I know this, but she is not opposed to threesomes.

567

Yeah.

568

So, tell me something about my guy.

569

No. Come on, give me something.

570

What's his name?

571

Mike.

572

Mike?

573

Okay, what's his last name?

574

Dammit, is there no mystery left in romance anymore?

575

all right we'll see you and Mike at the restaurant a couple hours all right great yeah why'd I have to say

576

Mike I don't know

577

Mike why couldn't I said

578

there's no guys in there unwrap all of your Christmas gifts no

579

I uh oh I'll squeeze you fresh orange juice every morning with extra pulp yeah no

580

i've got it you don't have it i've

581

so got it there's gonna be rumors about this there's no way to stop it sophie knows monica

582

and phoebe know how do monica and phoebe know oh i called them

583

And when they ask me what I saw, I can be very generous or very stingy.

584

Go on.

585

I can make you a legend.

586

I can make you this generation's Milton Berle. And Milton Berle has...

587

Oh, not compared to you.

588

Hello.

589

Hey.

590

Hey.

591

Hello, Chandler.

592

I love you.

593

Hey, what's going on?

594

Oh.

595

No, he doesn't.

596

Two hours that lasted.

597

I went to a bar, and then I just, uh, just walked around for a while.

598

You walked around all night in the city by yourself.

599

He hooked up.

600

He hooked up with someone.

601

Look, I don't have to answer your questions, okay?

602

I'm a big boy.

603

I can do whatever I want.

604

He hooked up.

605

Tell us about her.

606

Ross, you left your scarf in the...

607

Hey, you guys.

608

Well, I can promise you at least one person will be crying.

609

You know, I'm an actor, and any actor worth his salt can cry on cue.

610

Really?

611

You can do that?

612

No, are you kidding me?

613

Watch.

614

I can't do it with you guys watching me

615

Mom, Chandler was just saying

616

How beautiful your sweater is Oh, thank you, Chandler, I just bought it

617

Oh, yes, well, it's very beautiful

618

And it's cream -colored and tight I don't mean tight I mean, it's not too tight

619

Not that I was looking at What's the matter with him?

620

i think he's stoned again what what dude i need to talk to you a sec

621

okay i think i might know why my parents don't like you you do why okay remember we were young

622

hey spring break sophomore year i i got high in my bedroom

623

and my parents walked in and smelled it and

624

so I told them that you had gotten stoned and jumped out the window.

625

What?

626

Why did you do that?

627

I don't know.

628

Yours was the first name that popped into my head.

629

I'm sorry.

630

I didn't think it'd matter.

631

How could it not matter?

632

How was I supposed to know we'd end up being friends after college, let alone you'd be living with my sister?

633

What about all that friends forever stuff?

634

I don't know.

635

I was all high.

636

Mom and Dad just sent me in here to find out if you were trying to get Ross stoned.

637

Your parents caught

638

Ross smoking pot in college, and he blamed it on me.

639

Ross, I can't believe you'd do that.

640

The reason we haven't told them we're together is because they hate me.

641

Okay, so will you fix this?

642

Okay, okay.

643

I'll tell them it wasn't

644

Chandler who got high.

645

Okay.

646

Now, who should I say it was?

647

You!

648

It's not like it's a big deal.

649

You don't still do it or anything.

650

All right, all right.

651

Now, who should I say tricked me into doing it?

652

Let's go.

653

Oh, yeah, about telling

654

Mom and Dad, I was thinking about maybe writing a letter.

655

All right, you know what?

656

That's it.

657

You've had your chance.

658

What?

659

Mom, Dad, raw smoked pot in college.

660

What?

661

You are such a tattletale!

662

Mom, Dad, you remember that time you walked in my room and smelled marijuana?

663

Yes.

664

Well, I told you it was Chandler who was smoking the pot, but it was me.

665

I'm sorry.

666

It was you?

667

And, Dad, you know that mailman that you got fired?

668

Didn't steal your Playboys.

669

Ross did.

670

Yeah, well, Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing.

671

Monica did.

672

Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

673

Monica and Chandler are living together.

674

Ross married Rachel in Vegas and got divorced again!

675

That's a lot of information to get in 30 seconds.

676

All right, Monica.

677

Why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.

678

And we kind of figured about the porch swing.

679

Ross.

680

Drugs.

681

Divorced.

682

Again.

683

What happened, son?

684

I, I, uh, I got tricked into all those things.

685

Chandler.

686

You've been Ross's best friend all these years.

687

Stuck by him during the drug problems.

688

And now you've taken on Monica as well.

689

Well, I don't know what to say.

690

You're a wonderful human being.

691

Thank you.

692

No, thank you.

693

Monica and Ross, I don't know what I'm going to do about the two of you.

694

I'll talk to them.

695

Hi.

696

Hi.

697

Hi.

698

Hey!

699

Rach, Rach, I am so sorry.

700

I am so, so sorry.

701

Oh, Ross, come on.

702

You just did what you had to do.

703

What?

704

I mean, you're so...

705

What, that's it?

706

You're not mad?

707

I mean, it must have been terrible.

708

Terrible?

709

Hell, I was in Greece.

710

That was a nice hotel, nice beach, met the nice people.

711

It's not too shabby for Rachel. So, what, that's it?

712

Oh, yeah.

713

We're cool.

714

Totally cool.

715

Thanks, Rach.

716

You're the best.

717

Oh, no, you're the best.

718

Oh, I gotta go to the flower store.

719

Oh, check it out.

720

No one will tell me where Emily is, so I'm gonna send 72 long -stemmed red roses to her parents' house,

721

one for each day that I've known and loved her.

722

That ought to get her talking to me again.

723

Oh, Ross, when you make out the card, Be sure to make it out too.

724

Emily.

725

Hey, that's great.

726

It's so good that you had such a good time in Greece.

727

What?

728

I didn't have a good time in Greece.

729

Ross abandoned me, okay?

730

I couldn't get a plane out, so I had to stay in their honeymoon suite with people coming up to me all the time going,

731

Oh, Mrs. Keller, why you cry?

732

I mean, it was so humiliating.

733

I felt like such an idiot.

734

I mean, it's all my fault.

735

And you know why?

736

Because I make very bad decisions.

737

Oh, that's not true.

738

Yes, it is.

739

It is true.

740

I went after

741

Ross in stupid London.

742

London is stupid.

743

Stupid.

744

Phoebe, you were right.

745

I should have never gone to London.

746

And from now on, you make all of my decisions for me.

747

Oh, no, I did that for someone once.

748

I'm not comfortable having that kind of power and control over someone's life.

749

I'll do it.

750

It's fine.

751

So, Monica, you are now in charge of my love life.

752

Gotta go.

753

I miss you, too.

754

I love you, but it's getting real late now.

755

Say hi.

756

Hey, Ma.

757

Listen.

758

I made the appointment with Dr. Bozita and...

759

Excuse me?

760

Did you know this isn't my?

761

Her name's Ronnie.

762

She's a pet mortician.

763

Sure.

764

So how long you been...

765

Remember when you were a little kid, I used to take you to the Navy Yard and show you the big ships. Since then?

766

No, it's only been six years.

767

I just wanted to put a nice memory in your head so you'd know that I wasn't always such a terrible guy.

768

Joe, you ever been in love?

769

I don't know.

770

Then you haven't.

771

You're burning your tomatoes.

772

Huh, you'll want to talk.

773

Joe, your dad's in love big time.

774

And the worst part of it is, it's with two different women.

775

Oh, man.

776

Please tell me one of them is ma.

777

Of course, of course one of them is ma.

778

What's the matter with you?

779

Hey, Joe.

780

Hey, Dad.

781

Ronnie's here.

782

Huh?

783

Hi.

784

Hey.

785

Hey.

786

Hello, babe.

787

What are you doing here?

788

Oh, uh, well, you left your good hair at my apartment.

789

I figured you'd need it tomorrow before your meeting.

790

Thank you.

791

Um...

792

So, who's up for a big game of Kerplunk?

793

Look, I, uh...

794

I -I shouldn't have come.

795

I -I better get going.

796

I don't want to miss the last train.

797

No, no, honey.

798

I -I don't want you taking that thing to sling this.

799

Oh, where am I gonna stay?

800

Here?

801

Whoa -ho.

802

We'll go to a hotel.

803

Go to a hotel.

804

No, you won't.

805

No, he won't.

806

If you go to a hotel, you'll be doing stuff.

807

I want you right here where I can keep an eye on you.

808

You're gonna keep an eye on us.

809

That's right, mister.

810

And I don't care how old you are.

811

As long as you're under my roof, you're gonna live by my roof.

812

And that means no sleeping with your girlfriend.

813

Wow, he's strict.

814

Now, Dad, you'll be in my room.

815

Ronnie, you can stay in Chandler's room.

816

Thanks.

817

You're a good kid.

818

Come on, I'll show you to my room.

819

That sounds so weird when it's not followed by no thanks, it's late.

820

Okay, now this is just for tonight.

821

Starting tomorrow, you gotta make a change.

822

Six years is long enough.

823

What kind of change?

824

Well, either you break it off with Ronnie...

825

I can't do that.

826

Then you gotta come clean with Ma.

827

This is not right.

828

Yeah, but this is...

829

I don't wanna hear it.

830

Now go to my room.

831

Come in.

832

I've been waiting for you.

833

All right, I just want...

834

Oh, my God!

835

Oh, my God!

836

Come on, go!

837

Oh, my God.

838

Okay.

839

I'm sorry.

840

Sorry, I was, uh...

841

I was taking a nap.

842

What?

843

Just when do you take naps in that position?

844

Oh, God, Monica, tell me you were waiting for a guy.

845

Please tell me you were waiting for a guy.

846

Yes, I was.

847

A guy. From work.

848

I'm seeing a guy from work.

849

Ha!

850

That cute waiter guy from your restaurant.

851

The one that looks like a non -threatening Ray Liotta?

852

Uh -huh, that one.

853

You know what?

854

Just give me a second.

855

I'll be out of your hair.

856

I'm just gonna grab a jacket.

857

When I get back, I want every little detail.

858

Maybe that's him.

859

Okay, um, okay.

860

Hey, um...

861

It's just Joey and Ross.

862

Why aren't you guys at the movie?

863

Well, we were, but Ross was talking so loud on his phone, they threw us out.

864

I had to talk loud because the movie was loud.

865

He's talking to London.

866

Oh, my God.

867

Did he get in touch with Emily?

868

Well, no, not yet.

869

He's calling everyone on her side of the family, hoping that someone will help him get in touch with her.

870

I don't care if I said some other girl's name, you prissy old twit.

871

Ross, way to suck up to the family.

872

I'm so glad you guys are all here.

873

My office finally got wrinkle -free fax paper.

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Этот урок разговорной практики построен на видео «The Ones Where They're Caught Lying». В этом видео 873 предложений и 5103 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 41:16. Говорящий держит ровный темп — около 124 слов в минуту, удобный для шедоуинга. 83% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием. Вопросов здесь 196 из 873 предложений, так что это хорошая тренировка вопросительной интонации и коротких ответов.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
whoa	/woʊ/	тпру, пру
honey существительное	/ˈhʌni/	мёд
chef существительное	/ʃɛf/	шеф-по́вар, по́вар
hook существительное	/hʊk/	крюк, крючо́к
divorce существительное	/dɪˈvɔːs/	разво́д, расторже́ние бра́ка
accent существительное	/ækˈsɛnt/	ударе́ние, акце́нт
allergic прилагательное	/əˈlɝ.d͡ʒɪk/	аллерги́ческий
trick существительное	/ˈtɹɪk/	обма́н, трюк
suck глагол	/sʌk/	соса́ть, вса́сывать
steal глагол	/stiːl/	красть, укра́сть
impression существительное	/ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/	отпеча́ток
swing глагол	/ˈswɪŋ/	кача́ться, раска́чиваться
jacket существительное	/ˈd͡ʒæk.ɪt/	ку́ртка, жаке́т
crush глагол	/kɹʌʃ/	дави́ть
tattoo существительное	/tæˈtuː/	татуиро́вка, нако́лка

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Произношение	Значение
find out глагол		узнава́ть, узна́ть
back off глагол		отступа́ть
come out глагол	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	выходи́ть, вы́йти
dress up глагол		наряжаться
dry out глагол		высу́шивать, вы́сушить
end up глагол		зака́нчиваться, зако́нчиться
get over глагол		преодолева́ть, преодоле́ть
grow up глагол		расти́, выраста́ть

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:

Why didn't you get it?
Look, I'm sorry, all right?
What if we're watching a movie in here?
Why don't you just give them to somebody else?
What's what you're afraid of?

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Present Perfect Continuous have/has been + -ing — действие началось раньше и продолжается	dog's been living · I've been trying · he's been acting
Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат	If it was, would you · If you go to a hotel, you'll be
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	haven't heard · I've noticed · you've heard
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	was licked · being called · were filled

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 237 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например I'm, don't, you're. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «th»: throat /ˈθɹoʊt/, grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, oath /ˈoʊθ/, threaten /ˈθɹɛt.n̩/, threesome /ˈθɹi.səm/
Звуки «sh» и «zh»: chef /ʃɛf/, impression /ɪmˈpɹɛʃn̩/, crush /kɹʌʃ/, trash /tɹæʃ/, worship /ˈwɝ.ʃɪp/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: memorial /məˈmɔːɹi.əl/, laboratory /ˈlæb(ə)ɹəˌtɔɹi/, marijuana /ˌmɛɹɪˈwɑ.nə/, aluminum /əˈlu.mɪ.nəm/, chameleon /kəˈmi.li.ən/

Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:

/w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: whoa /woʊ/, swing /ˈswɪŋ/, worship /ˈwɝ.ʃɪp/, marijuana /ˌmɛɹɪˈwɑ.nə/, suite /swiːt/
/h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: honey /ˈhʌni/, hook /hʊk/, honeymoon /ˈhʌn.iˌmuːn/, humiliate /hjuːˈmɪliˌeɪt/
Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: engage /ɪnˈɡeɪd͡ʒ/, legend /ˈlɛd͡ʒ.ənd/, mood /muːd/, babe /beɪb/, squeeze /skwiːz/

Как заниматься с этим видео

Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
Повторяйте предложение за предложением на обычной скорости, пока ваш ритм не совпадёт с ритмом говорящего.
Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как whoa, honey, chef.

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

Техника шедоуинга: читать полное пошаговое руководство →

Практика Shadowing: The Ones Where They're Caught Lying | Friends - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Ключевая лексика этого видео

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Грамматика в этом видео

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Как заниматься с этим видео

Что такое техника Shadowing?