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I used to be completely stuck.

At 19, I had been arrested six times in one year, and I was at the absolute rock bottom of my life,

and it was not until I accepted these six truths that I was able to truly change my life, build a multi -million dollar company,

and build myself into the woman that I'd always wanted to be.

So if you are ambitious, but you are lazy, and you are ready to get unstuck, here is harsh truth number one.

I call this the approval addiction.

What if I told you that the real reason that you are stuck is not fear of failure, but it is actually your addiction to approval.

When I first got into business, I remember that I actually was at a business mastermind.

I was one of the youngest people there.

I was also one of the only females.

And I remember that someone came up to me and they told me, they were like, hey, is this what you normally wear?

And I was like, yeah.

And at the time it was like, I would wear like athleisure.

I had like Lululemon clothes I was always wearing because it was comfortable.

And I remember this person told me, they were like, so if you dress like this,

I just want you to understand that nobody's ever going to take you seriously.

And so if you want to be taken seriously, one, you have to cover your whole body.

And two, you can't dress like this.

And I remember thinking, I was like, wait, are you serious?

And they're like, yeah, everybody here, they're not going to take you seriously unless you change how you dress.

I want to say like the next four or five years,

like literally all I thought about when I was getting changed in the morning was the fact of what they had said.

And so I changed my whole wardrobe and then I started dressing nothing I'd ever dressed like before.

I threw out all of my clothes that I felt comfortable in.

And every day when I did wear my clothes I felt comfortable in.

I felt like people were looking at me funny, like they wouldn't take me seriously.

I felt like I couldn't go to a business meeting like that.

And I ended up just like losing confidence in myself.

I remember until one day I realized that regardless of

if I was dressing like that or I was dressing in the way that I wanted to dress,

either I was getting the approval from others or I was getting approval from myself.

And I had continued to sacrifice my own self -approval for

the approval of all these other people who I realized I didn't look up to,

I didn't want their lives and I actually didn't even really respect them

and I said what am I doing

so what I do I put back on my clothes

and I said fuck it I'm gonna do things how I want to do them

now here's the reality most people hesitate to step up

because they are terrified of being judged they want approval

and they want to fit in just like I did more than they want to succeed

they want to win they want to have the life

that they've always wanted to build they want to be the person

that they want to be if you're unwilling to be misunderstood you are essentially unwilling willing to get unstuck.

So here's what I want you to do.

Write down one thing that you're holding back on because you are afraid of what people will think about you.

And then what you can do is you can take one small step towards that action today.

Post a piece of content.

Have a hard conversation with somebody.

Just speak the truth to somebody.

Put an idea pen to paper. Do something.

Allow yourself to be judged.

Do not fight it.

It's like a lot of times when we feel like we're being judged, we immediately want to get out of that zone.

We're like, I don't want to feel like I'm being judged.

But if you just stay there and you allow yourself to be judged, what you will find on the other side of that is actually freedom.

Because once you realize that you can tolerate judgment from other people, you can have anything you want and you can be whoever you want.

Next, truth number two, success demands a trade.

What if the life that you say you want is blocked by the life that you are unwilling to give up?

For me, something

that I was unwilling to give up for a period of time in my life is

that I prioritized comfort over growth when it came to my friends and my body.

Now, what does that mean?

I was so comfortable in the friend group that I had

that I chose remaining friends with these people rather than having the life I wanted

because I knew that if I wanted to pursue that life, I would lose those friends.

I remember that I had a group of friends that I lived with in a house.

They were all great people, but I realized at that time that it was really hard for me to become the person I wanted to become,

to do the things I wanted to do when I was with those people.

Now, why was that?

Because all of their habits worked against the habits I would have to build to be that person.

And so every time I would start to do something different, I would start to deviate from the norm.

It'd be like little things they would say and little judgments they would cast upon me.

And I just remember that slight discomfort.

It was just enough friction to make me think, you know what?

It's fine.

I don't need to do that.

Like, I love them.

They're so fun to hang out with.

These are my friends.

Who would I be with without them?

They've been my friends for forever.

And until I really got to the point where I said, you know what?

I want to become that person more than I want to keep all of my friends

It wasn't until that moment that I wasn't able to change.

Here's the thing

You do not get what you want most in life.

I know that sounds terrible and I know that we all want that

We're like if I want it bad enough, i'm gonna get it

But you don't you get what you work for and most people are actually working to keep their comfort

Think about it.

Like at that point I was working

so hard to keep my friends I was working

so hard to keep my beliefs I was working so hard to keep myself stuck because everybody says they want success.

Very few people can actually show it with their actions.

We are not our desires.

We are our actions.

If your time and your calendar and your money do not reflect your goals and the life that you say you want,

then be honest with yourself.

It's not really the life you want you want the life

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you currently have more than the one you say you want that's it

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if you wanted

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that one more you would be on your way to getting it the disconnect between desire

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and behavior is what keeps you stuck in the patterns

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that you hate and the life that you hate

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because those patterns are easier than choosing growth

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so here's what you can do look at your calendar look

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at your bank account look at where you spend your time

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and money highlight where it actually goes where does most of your time

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and money actually go and then ask yourself and circle it what doesn't line up with what you say you want.

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Talk is cheap.

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It's the oldest saying in the book, but like I didn't really get this until I was an adult.

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The only thing that matters is what they do.

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So circle the one thing, one thing that you are spending time or money on

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that is not leading to the life you want and then replace that with something that will.

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Maybe it's right now, you're like, you know what?

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I'm spending $200 a month, Layla, on my nails, but I don't spend $200 on a gym membership

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and I'm out of shape and I feel like I should be working out.

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Great.

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Screw your nails.

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Do them at home for a few months.

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Get the gym membership.

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Or maybe you're like, you know what?

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Every Tuesday, I go to Taco Tuesday with my friends, and we get drunk, and then I wake up on Wednesday,

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and then I kind of hate myself, and I feel anxious.

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I've got the anxiety.

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And then the next day, I'm like, crap, why'd I do that?

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And then I take like two days to recover.

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My stomach's all messed up.

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I feel anxious.

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I text somebody that I wish I didn't text.

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What could we replace that with?

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What if instead you just stayed home and you watched educational YouTube videos for 90 minutes?

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Which one's gonna get you to the life that you want?

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Do this for a week, a month, a year.

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It's the little changes like this that compound and actually bring you to the person you wanna be.

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Now, number three, clarity comes from motion, not the other way around.

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I know that nobody ever wants to hear this, and I don't even like hearing it because guess what?

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I have to coach myself.

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But waiting to feel ready is the biggest trap

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that you can fall into when it comes to doing anything that you want to do.

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I did not feel ready when I started my first company, Gym Launch, when I gave up all of my clients.

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I had a roster of personal trained clients.

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I gave all of them up to start this company.

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I never felt ready.

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I did not feel ready when I started making content.

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I did not feel ready when I moved across the country.

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I did not feel ready when I got married.

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I did not feel ready when I started acquisition .com.

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None of it.

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I have never felt ready for the success that came my way.

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The only thing that will make you ready for something is doing it.

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Think about this.

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You will only ever feel ready the second time you do something.

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That's it.

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So if you haven't done it before, you're never going to feel ready.

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The second time you do it, you can feel ready.

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The first time, never going to feel ready.

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So if you are waiting to start your life, you will never have the life you want.

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What is a time in your life where you took action before you felt ready?

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And what happened?

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If you're watching this video, you didn't die.

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You're still here.

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Can't be that bad.

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Most people have this backwards.

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They wait their entire life to feel ready instead of acting their way to readiness.

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Confidence does not come first.

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You're not going to feel confident before you do the first rep.

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You will feel confident or more confident on the second rep, but you will not feel confident before the first rep.

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Action comes first.

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Action builds experience.

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Experience then builds competence, right?

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You're getting the skills.

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And then that competence, having those skills, is what creates confidence.

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And then from there, you can go into something feeling great.

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This is what you're going to do.

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Write down one thing that you've been waiting to feel ready for.

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Break it down into the smallest first step.

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Do one today.

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Seriously, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got from somebody.

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If you make a plan, start the first step today.

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Why is that?

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You buy yourself in.

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We have to get ourselves to buy in our own plans.

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This is not mutually exclusive for, like, somebody else's plans you need to get your own buy -in

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and you do

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that by taking action truth number four thoughts are just noise hey this might sound crazy

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but you don't have to believe everything you think i know it's fucking insane

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when i was younger this is one of the things

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that i did not understand i'd be like i'm fucking nuts what the hell i am negative

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and i realized i was like oh no

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this is just how your brain works like for me one

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of my biggest insecurities ever since i lost weight is that i always feel like I'm still a hundred pounds heavier.

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I've been at the gym and I will walk past the gym and be like, she looks good.

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Oh my God, it's me.

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I'm like, no, I'm a hundred pounds heavier because most of my life I was chubby.

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I was made fun of, I was overweight.

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And so it's like this disassociation in my mind.

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How did I overcome that?

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I started telling myself these thoughts aren't real.

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These thoughts are old thoughts.

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In fact, they're outdated.

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I'm like, oh, my computer system needs an update.

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That's how your mind is sometimes.

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Sometimes you just need an update.

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You might be dealing with thoughts.

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You're a failure.

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You suck.

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You're ugly.

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You're never going to need a boyfriend.

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You're never going to get a girlfriend.

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You're going to be popular.

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People don't like you.

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Where did those come from?

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Like think about the thoughts that you think the most, the toughest intrusive thoughts you have.

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Where did they come from?

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Probably not you, but you just keep replaying them in the system over and over again.

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And so sometimes what we have to do is we have to step back and we have to say, you know what?

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One, these thoughts are not facts.

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Two, I need an update.

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So what do I want to update these thoughts with?

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Certainly something better than this, right?

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It's like, well, if it's not true, it's playing in my head all day.

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Fuck it.

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I might as well make something not true that makes me feel better about myself than this shit thing in my head.

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Most people let their internal dialogue steer their actions without ever questioning it.

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Now, this is the definition of living on autopilot, and it needs to stop if you actually want to change your life.

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You have to be able to sit there and say, you know what?

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I don't believe everything, I think.

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And this is why we use a tool called Thought Detachment.

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That is the process of identifying certain thoughts as optional.

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That's it.

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It's like your thoughts are not facts.

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They're just words and pictures in your head.

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You can take it or leave it.

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It's up to you.

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Would you like to believe this thought today?

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Or would you not like to believe this thought today?

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And some people say, well, Layla, I do think that that thought is true.

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Like, you know, my husband said this.

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I do think I've gained five pounds.

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Maybe you have gained five pounds.

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Do you think thinking I'm a fat piece of shit is helpful?

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It's just not helpful.

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So at some point you have to be like, it might be true but it doesn't help me.

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Instead, I could think, you know what?

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I have gained five pounds and I can also lose five pounds because I'm a badass.

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The next time that you feel stuck in a cycle of overthinking, try labeling the thought.

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I notice that I'm having the thought that I'm a cat.

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I notice I'm having the thought that I'm not smart.

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I notice I'm having the thought that I'm a complete fucking failure.

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Visualize it like this.

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I think of it like I am off -road.

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I have my car pulled on the side of the highway

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and I watch all these cars driving by

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and those cars are my thoughts

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and each one of them I see them in the car

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and then I'm like do I want to get in do

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I not want to get in do I want to get in with

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that stranger do I want to get in with

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that guy driving the semi do I want to get into the Lamborghini all right

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or the Rolls Royce you get to choose that's the cool thing

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and if you do this consistently you will cut the power out of your thoughts

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that have what you feel is a lot more power over your actions

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if you take a lot of the juice out of them

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you almost like draining it of gas it's a lot weaker

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and then it's a lot easier to detach from This brings us to point number five, which is acceptance is power.

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What if the thing that you keep resisting is actually the key to your growth for years?

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I did not understand the concept that thoughts are not facts.

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And I did not understand the concept that we all have negative emotions.

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And so I would go around having tons of negative emotions, feeling super anxious and super stressed.

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This is my early 20s.

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And I remember thinking all the time, I was like, like, if somebody knew what was in my head, I would not get a boyfriend.

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I'm never going to get married.

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My friends would be like, you're a fucking crazy, bitch.

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I remember thinking those things all the time

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and then i remember i got married you know lucky him eventually one day i start talking to him

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and i'm like i just don't want to tell you all the crazy thoughts

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i have in my head he was like why

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and i was like i mean like what if you think i'm crazy

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and i remember that moment my husband was like so what

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that led me to this tool which is the

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so what i was like oh i like that what do you mean

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so what he's like

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so what still married you it's still cute i don't think it'll change much

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and i was just like oh wow and it diffused

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so much of my emotion around the situation that that all of a sudden I started spewing everything at him.

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I was like, I think this, and this, and this.

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And he was like, checks out.

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And then I was like, what if, what if I could do that for myself?

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And so now what I learned is that every time I have a thought that feels scary, feels big, feels gross, feels negative,

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then I just say to myself, so what?

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So what you got a fucked up thought?

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So what that you think that?

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You are a tiny speck on this giant universe.

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And that thought will go away as fast as it came.

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So I want you to try this mental reframe.

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Think of active acceptance as a tool in your toolbox.

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Active acceptance is just saying, so what?

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You're like, what if this happened?

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Then my boyfriend breaks up with me and then this happens, then blah, blah, blah. So what?

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Half of being stuck comes from resisting reality.

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It comes from resisting your thoughts, resisting the negative feelings.

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So acceptance means carrying the circumstances, the feelings, the thoughts with you rather than fighting them.

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Now, what you will find is that this does not mean that you're giving up.

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It means that you move forward with reality, not against it and this takes

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so much of the power out of a situation a thought

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or feeling now this is how you can actually put

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it into practice right now i'm going to ask you this what in your life right

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now is unfair what is unfair maybe you have a bad boss

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or a really heavy workload with your job

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or bad customer review next to it right

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so what i can carry this then ask yourself this what is one productive action

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that you can take while being uncomfortable holding that thought

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or circumstance because here's the thing the price of your dreams tomorrow is the discomfort of accepting it today

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which brings us to our final

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and most important truth you need to audit your beliefs there's a reason

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that we call them your beliefs not facts not the universal beliefs we know

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that our beliefs shape our reality and what's crazy is

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that our beliefs might be completely fucking wrong

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and crazy right we've identified this one of the biggest beliefs that i've had to unlearn is that fear means something's dangerous.

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I used to have so many feelings of fear of anxiety and they would feel paralyzing almost like literally like sweaty hands.

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I'd feel like my mouth is foaming, not foaming, but I'm losing like spit in my mouth.

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Foaming would be tough.

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That'd be a seizure.

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You should go to the doctor if that happens to you.

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But I would have, you know, no spit in my mouth.

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Like I'm so nervous about something.

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And I used to think when I was younger that that meant that that thing was dangerous.

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And that finally, when I really understood

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that this was just a belief I had about any situation I was really scared it was

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because I had an irrational belief about

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that thing you know some people have an irrational fear of

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spiders an irrational fear of flying the crazy thing is

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that more people will die in a car crash

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this year than they will in a plane crash yet people

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are way more scared of flying than they are of the car I have had plenty of those things

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and I think what I used to think is that fear equals bad.

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Then what I realized is that fear equals a rational belief that it is time to break.

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When you have unchecked beliefs, I'll never succeed.

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This thing is dangerous.

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This business is gonna die.

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This guy's gonna leave me.

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And then you let them silently dictate every action or inaction you take.

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That is when you get stuck.

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So if you're watching this video and you're thinking, I am stuck in some way, maybe you're stuck in a cycle of destructive beliefs.

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Because think about this, the only beliefs that we don't question are the ones that we don't even know our beliefs.

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We assume them as truths.

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And so what I'd like you to do is try a belief swap.

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You're going to identify your irrational beliefs and we're going to replace them with rational ones.

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What freaks you out?

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What makes you anxious?

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What pisses you off?

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What things provide you with the most highest irrational emotional reaction?

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Is it when your boyfriend, you see a like of another girl on Instagram?

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Does that make you really fucking pissed and you want to go like slash some tires?

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Is it when, you know, a customer leaves you one bad review

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and all of a sudden you want to shut down your business because you think that your business sucks?

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Irrational beliefs keep us stuck.

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Rational beliefs move us forward.

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If you can change your beliefs, you can change your life.

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So write down one irrational belief that you keep repeating.

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Maybe it's I'll never succeed.

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And then ask three questions.

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One, is this logical?

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Two, where is the proof in this actual world that this is a real belief?

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And lastly, does this belief help me?

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Maybe it is wackadoodle, but maybe it is true.

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But is it helpful?

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And does believing it make your life better or worse?

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rewrite it as a rational belief you can actually live by.

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Now, what does that mean?

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I am not a proponent of, you know, I lost 100 pounds and I was not like, I am a Victoria's Secret model.

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I was like, no, I'm not.

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I still got a little chunk.

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But I said, you know what?

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No, I'm healthy and I work hard.

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I can achieve my dream body if I work hard enough for long enough.

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That's a rational belief to have versus I'm going to be the Queen of England or I'm going to, you know, make it to the moon.

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I'm going to beat Elon Musk.

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It's like, all right, well, that's a tough stretch.

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Let's try and make it something that's believable, that when we say it, we feel empowered and we feel more confident.

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So those are rational beliefs.

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And here's the thing, once you write down that rational belief, if you act on it, you will actually embed it,

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and you will start to believe it over time.

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Trust me, the sooner that you accept these truths, the sooner you will be able to change your life.

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If you like this video, do not forget to subscribe to my channel, and check out my next video.

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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку

Этот урок разговорной практики построен на видео «Watch This If You’re Ambitious But Lazy». В этом видео 386 предложений и 4216 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 17:17. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 244 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 86% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.

Ключевая лексика этого видео

15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:

Слово	Произношение	Значение
belief существительное	/bɪˈliːf/	ве́ра, дове́рие
rational прилагательное	/ˈɹæʃ(ə)nəl/	мы́слящий, разу́мный
irrational прилагательное	/ɪˈɹæʃ.(ə.)nəl/	нерациона́льный, иррациона́льный
resist глагол	/ɹɪˈzɪst/	ока́зывать сопротивле́ние, оказа́ть сопротивле́ние
acceptance существительное	/əkˈsɛp.təns/	получе́ние
anxious прилагательное	/ˈæŋkʃəs/	озабо́ченный, беспоко́ящийся
unwilling прилагательное	/ʌnˈwɪlɪŋ/	нерасполо́женный, нескло́нный
helpful прилагательное	/ˈhɛlp.fl̩/	поле́зный, любе́зный
succeed глагол	/səkˈsiːd/	следовать, наследовать
emotion существительное	/ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/	эмо́ция, чу́вство
foam существительное	/ˈfɔʊ̯m/	пе́на
membership существительное		чле́нство, принадле́жность
anxiety существительное	/æŋˈzaɪ.əti/	беспоко́йство, трево́га
suck глагол	/sʌk/	соса́ть, вса́сывать
comfort существительное	/ˈkʌm.fət/	удо́бство, комфо́рт

Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите

Слово	Значение
write down глагол	запи́сывать, записа́ть
give up глагол	сдава́ться, сда́ться
check out глагол	проверя́ть, прове́рить
get in with глагол	сойти́сь
end up глагол	зака́нчиваться, зако́нчиться
go away глагол	уходи́ть, уйти́
look up to глагол	равняться на, брать пример с
shut down глагол	выключить, остановить

Фразы, которые стоит повторять

Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:

Who would I be with without them?
Maybe it's right now, you're like, you know what?
What could we replace that with?
Which one's gonna get you to the life that you want?
You're like, what if this happened?

Грамматика в этом видео

Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:

Конструкция	В видео
Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат	if you do this consistently you will cut · if you act on it, you will actually
«Used to» used to + глагол — прошлая привычка или состояние, которых больше нет	used to be · used to have · used to think
Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас	they've always wanted · They've been · have never felt
Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает	had been arrested · be taken · being judged

Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание

Говорящий использует 115 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например I'm, you're, don't. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.

Звуки «sh» и «zh»: rational /ˈɹæʃ(ə)nəl/, irrational /ɪˈɹæʃ.(ə.)nəl/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, addiction /əˈdɪkˌʃən/
Длинные слова — следите за ударением: irrational /ɪˈɹæʃ.(ə.)nəl/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/, universal /ˌjunəˈvɜɹs(ə)l/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, acquisition /ˌæk.wɪˈzɪʃ.ən/

Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:

/w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: unwilling /ʌnˈwɪlɪŋ/, acquisition /ˌæk.wɪˈzɪʃ.ən/, swap /ˈswɑp/, weaker /ˈwikɚ/, wardrobe /ˈwɔɹdɹoʊb/
/h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/, habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/, whoever /huˈɛvɚ/, highlight /ˈhaɪˌlaɪt/, harsh /ˈhɑɹʃ/
Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: pound /ˈpaʊ̯nd/, succeed /səkˈsiːd/, dialogue /ˈdaɪəˌlɑɡ/, productive /pɹəˈdʌk.tɪv/, compound /ˈkɑmpaʊnd/

Как заниматься с этим видео

Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как belief, rational, irrational.

Что такое техника Shadowing?

Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.

Техника шедоуинга: читать полное пошаговое руководство →

Практика Shadowing: Watch This If You’re Ambitious But Lazy - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео

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