Shadowing Practice: Communication Mistakes That Are Destroying Your Career Reputation at Work - Learn English Speaking with Video
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What if I told you people who are super charismatic weren't born like that?
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They just figured out how to speak so people stay engaged and pay attention.
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As a communications expert who has now taught over 2 million people how to speak with confidence,
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I've figured out what real game changing moves can skyrocket your presence and likability.
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I have an Emmy award from my time working on TV, and I have a best selling communications book,
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smart, not loud, how to get noticed at work for all the right reasons.
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In this video, I'm gonna share with you for the first time,
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the four communication mistakes I made early on that sabotaged my ability to speak with confidence and charisma.
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But not only that, how you can learn to build that confidence yourself.
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It's not about being loud or obnoxious.
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It's about learning what are the power moves that you can use
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And these are all lessons that I've learned myself because right now, You might be hearing all this advice of,
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speak like you're giving a TED talk, or walk around the room when giving a presentation.
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No, these don't work, especially if you're speaking at work.
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In fact, these are some of the worst pieces of advice that can actually destroy people's perception of you, hurting your credibility and authority.
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How do I know this?
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Because this was the exact advice I heard myself and I realized it made me look so silly.
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No wonder I used to walk around the room wondering no one seemed to acknowledge or hear me.
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So, Here is the first mistake I made that I will never do again.
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Mistake number one.
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not believing in myself.
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Here's something a lot of people don't know about me.
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I grew up in an environment where my parents immigrated from Asia to the US.
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with the hopes of achieving that American dream, which for them was all about stability and safety.
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For them, that meant certain values, such as you just work hard,
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you just study hard, you put your head down so you can get a good job to achieve more stability.
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Frankly for them the only jobs that fell into that criteria were you can become a doctor a lawyer or an engineer.
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I Remember one day soon before I was graduating from college
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I remember sitting in my dining room table with my parents
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and we were having this conversation and they asked me well Jessica What do you want to do after you graduate now?
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I remember telling them I?
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I didn't feel like I had the interest to be a doctor, a lawyer, or an engineer.
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And I told them instead, I wanted to become a journalist.
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My parents, they were shaken to the core because in their mind, they felt They didn't sacrifice everything.
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for their child to become a journalist, which in their mind, number one, they had no idea what that meant, but it also didn't seem stable.
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But this is what I said to them.
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I said, let me try, and if it doesn't work, I will go back to school.
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So that's what I did.
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I packed up all my bags and moved to a very small town called Reno, Nevada, and I got my very first job at the NBC station out there.
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And guess what happened?
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Three months into that job, I thought I had made the biggest mistake.
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You see, I went into the field of journalism
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because I wanted to make a difference and I had all these ideas and I felt people weren't hearing me.
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They weren't noticing me and they weren't taking my ideas seriously.
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So I was feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and I was like, wow, I really should have listened to my parents.
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Yes.
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One day I was on the phone with my best friend and like every best friend, she could tell I was feeling very sad.
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So we started talking about this.
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And what we realized was it wasn't that I wasn't a good journalist
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or that I didn't have the smarts to do the job.
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I actually had the talent.
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and I could be a great journalist.
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But the problem was, I didn't have the communication skills to help me reach that next level of respect and visibility.
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It's why I decided.
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then and there to double down how to become a better communicator.
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I trusted that I had the ability to learn the skill, and I thought if I invested in this, it could completely change the trajectory of my career.
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And guess what?
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That's exactly what it did.
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So this lesson taught me that at the end of the day, You have to start with yourself and you have to be your own best advocate.
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You have to trust that when you learn the skills, such as watching this high impact video, you can learn how to change people's perception of you.
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Now, eventually, I ended up staying and working on TV for almost 10 years and I won that prestigious Emmy award.
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And this reminds me to never make myself feel like
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I'm not enough or that I don't have the ability to get better.
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So remember what you say to yourself matters and for you, you have to start there.
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You have what it takes.
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which goes that into my second point.
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The second mistake is I'll never make again is assuming people know what I'm talking about.
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So imagine this for yourself.
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You spend time working on this one idea that you have.
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Now you're in a meeting with your team
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and you start talking about this idea and you are convinced people are just as excited.
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But as you look around the room, All you see are these, Blank faces.
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This is exactly what happened to me early on in my career too, and I made the mistake of assuming that people understood what I was talking about and why it mattered.
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I assumed people would just get why my idea was such a brilliant idea, but that's the thing.
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if you want to be a great communicator you need to
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avoid falling into what psychologists call the curse of knowledge trap it's this cognitive bias first named by economists
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and later popularized in the book made to stick
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and basically what it is is once you know something you almost forget what it's like to not know it
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so you unconsciously assume everybody gets it too but the reality is They don't.
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They are starting from scratch.
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So this is what I learned.
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Every time I walk into a meeting now and it's my turn to speak, I always do two things.
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I always provide some context and look at people's body language.
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Here's what this means.
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So when you speak, Anchor it by giving just one or two sentences explaining
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"Why does this matter right now?" What information do they need to understand why it's important?
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This is called communicating the process and it's a smart way to get people directly in the same headspace as you.
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So a sentence you could say is, So here's the situation we're working with, and here's why I think we need to act on it today.
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That's it.
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Next is your body language as you're speaking.
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Don't just stay in your own head, but look at people when you're speaking.
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See if they start to cross their arms, which can mean resistance.
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Look at them writing notes down as you're speaking because that's a good cue that something is sticking.
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Or if there's no expression, ask a question at the end to get them to engage.
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In fact, the most cited research on this analyzed over 25 ,000 sales calls
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and they found the ideal talk to listen ratio for salespeople is 43 % talking but 57 % listening.
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So How do you know your idea is gonna stick?
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You have to talk about it, but you have to make sure that you're giving them the space to listen
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and fully understand what it is you're talking about so it lands.
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Here's a third mistake I'll never make again.
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using language that minimizes my expertise.
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This is the one I almost am kind of embarrassed to admit because I didn't even know I was doing it.
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For example, I would say things like, I just wanted to quickly add something.
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Or, this might be a dumb question.
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Or, sorry, can I jump in?
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Does any of this sound familiar to you?
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Growing up in a pretty traditional family where I struggled to find my voice, I thought being humble meant diminishing my own ideas.
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And as a result, that translated into language that sounded like just those sentences you heard earlier.
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But what I was actually doing was signaling to people, including myself, that I didn't fully trust what I was saying and that it wasn't important.
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Researchers at Northeastern University found that people who use these hedging language phrases like I think,
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I feel, or maybe are usually rated as less competent and less confident by listeners,
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even when the content of what they said was identical to someone who said it directly.
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So, The words around your message changes how people perceive the message.
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Don't make the mistake of diluting your words with these fillers.
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Cut out the hedging words and own your statement.
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So here are some examples.
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Instead of...
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I think we should probably look at this differently.
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You can say: here's what I'm recommending.
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Instead of, "Does that make sense?" say, I'll pause here.
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Any questions?
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These are all the same thought.
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but delivered differently.
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Here's the fourth mistake.
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Assuming saying something once is enough.
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this is a big one
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and i actually have an entire chapter dedicated in my book
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smart not loud how to get noticed at work for all
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the right reasons where i talk about the art of how to follow up
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and i get it
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because sometimes it takes a lot of effort for us to put ourselves out there
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and now we're like i have to follow it up and say it again because following up can be so stressful be enough.
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But now I realize it is never enough.
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Now I want to share this really personal story with you because this is how I realized.
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Okay.
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Back when I was a journalist at the NBC station, there was one morning in particular when my manager walks into our typical editorial meetings
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and he told all of us reporters One of us would have the opportunity to fly with the US Air Force Thunderbirds.
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Now, if you're not familiar with who they are, they are an air demonstration squadron.
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They basically go from city to city to put on these air shows.
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And as part of their media campaign in the city, they were going to let one reporter fly with them.
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What do you think?
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Would you want to do it?
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My manager asked who wanted to do it.
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Now, I thought this was the coolest opportunity, so I raised my hand and told my manager I wanted to do it.
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He looks at me and he goes, okay, no problem, Jessica.
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We will get you a media pass.
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Two weeks passed by before the opportunity was going to happen, and I was just telling all my friends and my family
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that this was going to be this once in a lifetime opportunity that I was going to have the chance to do.
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Okay we're now sitting in our meeting once again
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and this is now the day before the air show is going to happen my manager says All right, US Air Force Thunderbirds.
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That's happening tomorrow.
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"Bella, you get to do it." Okay.
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Can you imagine my face in that moment?
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It really felt like my heart just fell to the pit of my stomach.
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Now my manager just went on with that meeting like nothing unusual happened.
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At the end of the meeting, it was bothering me so much because I remember him saying that I could do it,
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that I mustered up this courage to ask him, What happened?
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I'll never forget what he said.
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My manager looks at me and he goes, I'm Oh my God, Jessica, I'm so sorry.
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I completely forgot you mentioned you wanted to do it.
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It was just that Bella, she kept talking about it and she was top of mind.
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Thank you.
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Those words.
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Top of mind.
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Now, my colleague Bella, super talkative, not afraid to say what she wants.
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And I imagine during those days leading up to this project, she was telling my manager how she would love to do the story, how she was excited about doing the story.
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And honestly, I think what happened was
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when it came time for my manager to fill out a form who was going to do the air show, he was thinking, hmm, who was talking about it?
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Oh, Bella.
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I share with you this really personal story because it was a story that changed my life.
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It changed how I think about communications and it made me realize that saying something one time often is never enough.
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And for you, what you need to know is repeating yourself isn't about saying the same thing over and over again.
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It's about finding different ways to say what you want and using different platforms to get it across.
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So for example.
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Saying it once in an email.
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saying it again in a meeting, saying it via a text message you send.
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But the point is, you need someone to hear what you have to say, especially if this is something you care about.
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And if you don't believe the importance of this, cognitive psychology tells us that information typically needs to be encountered.
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five to seven times before it's fully retained.
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That's why it's so important to say something.
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over and over and here's the fifth mistake i will never make again thinking i need to be perfect
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before saying what's on my mind this is the one i personally struggled with the longest
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and honestly it's one that i see most people at work with struggle with as well
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because when i first started trying to communicate with this authority with this confidence i thought the answer was to
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more put together, sound more impressive.
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So I would try to walk into a room with this kind of armor and defensiveness.
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And the truth was, it was turning people off instead of having them see me
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as a human who was learning i think back to maybe they thought
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that i was trying too hard and i think
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when you are more junior or when you're talking to someone who has
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that authority like a manager
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or someone in a higher role you know you naturally feel
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like you have to present this image of yourself in order for them to respect you
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But what I have found is if you remind yourself that whoever you're speaking with They are just people too.
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And remembering that actually humanizes your approach and your communications.
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So Think about Well, I don't need to be perfect before I say what's on my mind.
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or say, This has to be the most viable thing in order for me to share it.
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Instead, think about this.
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What's valuable is actually subjective.
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You might not think it's viable or perfect, but to somebody else, if they hear it, they might think it's the most brilliant thing they've ever heard.
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And sometimes that's.
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What is most important?
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By the way, You can also ask a question.
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You can connect the dots.
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You can reiterate a point.
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It doesn't always have to be something new, but the point is, People hear you and see you because oftentimes when it comes down to work success,
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it's the visibility between whether somebody gets that next opportunity
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or somebody who just gets left behind because they never said that thing at all.
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For me, what I realized now is it's not about being perfect.
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It is about putting yourself out there and saying what's on your mind
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and trusting that once you do put that information out there, that is when the real progress can start to be made.
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Now, if you're thinking, "Well, I don't want to sound silly." The best communication strategy that I learned is saying this sentence.
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I'm still figuring this out, but I wanted to share it with you first.
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When you are honest and transparent, people actually respect you for it and they give you more grace.
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So Don't mute your voice.
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Instead, be open to communicating what you have to say.
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Be honest about it because at the end of the day, people don't necessarily want perfect.
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They want real and they want progress.
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Okay
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So these are the five mistakes that I made early in my career
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and the moves I used to help me be the person I am.
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And I can truly say confidently
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that the only reason why I have been able to teach now over 2 million people how to improve their communication skills,
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including teaching students at Columbia University, is because I now embody these characteristics.
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And after watching this, you now know what to do.
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But here's a flip.
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You got to believe in yourself.
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you can't assume people know what you're talking about don't use words
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that minimize who you are and say the thing more than once
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and get rid of this notion of you have to be perfect first
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if you want to go deeper on any of these points in my book smart not loud
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which is linked below i dive into these stories in a lot more detail
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and also if you want some of the tips from this book directly download these communication tips from my book.
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If you liked this video, be sure to like it and subscribe it because
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that is how you will get notified of all our future videos
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that are going to be coming out to help you get promoted, build visibility, and communicate with confidence.
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I will see you in our next video.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 237 cümle ve 3057 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 19:07 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 160 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %87’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| journalist isim | /ˈd͡ʒɝnəlɪst/ | gazeteci |
| visibility isim | /ˌvɪz.əˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/ | görülebilirlik |
| lesson isim | /ˈlɛs.ən/ | ders, çimke |
| silly sıfat | /ˈsɪl.i/ | aptal, saf |
| remind fiil | /ɹəˈmaɪnd/ | hatırlatmak, anımsatmak |
| reporter isim | /ɹɪˈpoɹ.tɚ/ | muhabir, bildirmen |
| stability isim | /stəˈbɪlɪti/ | stabilite |
| minimize fiil | /ˈmɪn.ɪˌmaɪz/ | azaltmak, cüceleştirmek |
| hedge isim | /ˈhɛd͡ʒ/ | çalı çit, çit |
| stable isim | /ˈsteɪ.bəl/ | ahır |
| impressive sıfat | /ɪmˈpɹɛsɪv/ | etkileyici |
| unusual sıfat | /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/ | alışılmadık, olağandışı |
| skill isim | /skɪl/ | beceri, maharet |
| stomach isim | /ˈstʌmək/ | mide, karın |
| bother fiil | /ˈbɑðɚ/ | rahatsız etmek, canını sıkmak |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| figure out fiil | açığa çıkarmak | |
| fill out fiil | /fɪl ˈaʊt/ | doldurmak |
| put together fiil | birleştirmek, bir araya getirmek |
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | weren't born · were shaken · is called |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | has now taught · I've figured · I've learned |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | people who are · arms, which can · people who use |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, don't, didn't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 62 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, unusual /ʌnˈjuːʒ(u)əl/, ratio /ˈɹeɪ.ʃoʊ/, shake /ˈʃeɪk/, presentation /ˌpɹɛzn̩ˈteɪʃn̩/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, visibility /ˌvɪz.əˈbɪl.ɪ.ti/, stability /stəˈbɪlɪti/, differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; journalist, visibility, lesson gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.