Shadowing Practice: love is how you treat someone, not how you feel about them - Learn English Speaking with Video
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One of the biggest issues with our generation is that we believe love is a feeling as opposed to an act.
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And because of that, it can be very easy to confuse it with lust, which leads to a whole number of separate issues.
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But I think that after reading Dostoevsky, after spending a lot of time studying philosophy,
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I've come to realize that life is about the actions that you take.
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And the way that you ultimately feel about someone is reciprocated in the actions,
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except the actions are more pure and it sort of acts as a filter.
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In other words, if you love someone, you are going to show up for them every single day, regardless of how you feel.
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Not that you're going to be perfect, but you're going to actively try to hear them out.
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You're going to try to understand them and you're going to try to create the best relationship possible.
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But when love is just a feeling, that means that you are heavily susceptible to emotions and mood swinging,
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you know, chemical changes in your brain over time,
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you know, beauty fades and beauty directly changes the way that we view and feel about certain people.
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And so you basically are just leaving yourself vulnerable to the many things
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which will inevitably happen in life that could change the way that you then treat someone.
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And I'm a big believer in the sort of Aristotle view, in Aristotle's view of who an individual is.
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Who you are is what you do, not what you think, not the intentions that you had, not what you wish to happen, right?
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It's what you do.
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And I think as it relates to relationships, your relationships is how you treat each other and love is a, is an action.
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It is a visible thing.
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Like you can see someone loving someone else, right?
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I remember talking to my grandfather,
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um, but after my grandmother had passed away and he was just the way that he talks about my grandmother was like,
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he was just so, so in love with her.
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Even after, you know, he's 80 years old, she's passed away.
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And the way that he talks about her, I, it just, I realized that it was so much deeper.
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Um, and there were so many actions behind everything and they showed up for each other constantly.
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I mean, it's one of those things where you just can't deny it.
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And then I'm sure that there were other people that are old now,
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and maybe they got divorced or the broken up or whatever.
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And a lot of that was because they felt a certain way in the moment.
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And that was, they were confusing lust for love or they had love,
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but they didn't continue to show up for each other after you know five ten years of marriage
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because they kind of sort of felt like it was an obligation to stay together
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and so it fell apart you know i i'm very very blessed
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and lucky to have um two parents that are still together
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and that love each other
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and sort of exemplify to me what it looks like where you know
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you you decide you make a decision a decision
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that oftentimes is not the easy one to make
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and you do it every day because you care about this person more than you
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and I've even started to realize this
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because love doesn't always have to be romantic I feel like what I've been talking about in this video
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so far has been purely romantic but even even in friendships right
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if you love someone like a brother then you are willing to compromise certain things I think about
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this when I was in um my later years of high school I remember
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that there was this guy that I knew and I wanted to basically be friends with this guy.
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And, and, you know, we had been friends like on and off there.
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It's never like we had a dramatic, like falling out or something, but just on and off throughout growing up as one does.
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And he said, um, it was, it was one of the later summers in my high school.
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And he was like, yeah, man, you know, we should hang out sometime over the summer.
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And I really, I had no friends.
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So I was like, definitely down to do it.
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And every single time
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that uh you know i'd offer to do something with this guy
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he would always be like well i'm playing poker with the guys
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and let's let's find another night but literally every single night
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that i would ever and and i didn't really contact him
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that much to be fair
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but he would always be like oh yeah i'm playing poker oh yeah i'm playing poker
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and i realized it was like if he actually cared to be friends with me
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and cared about the relationship
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and had a sort of brotherly love then he would have said
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you know what i'm going to make the time to do something
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that i could do with him you might be like well why didn't
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you do poker well i was completely broke
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i didn't have enough money to play poker there was a buy -in
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and also i just don't like to play it in general
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so it didn't really make sense for me to go
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and play poker with the group that he was playing with anyways that's besides the point
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Thank you i just realized in that moment
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that was such a big learning opportunity for me
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that it's like the actions the way that somebody treats you and what they're willing to sacrifice um for you is
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the literal like the visible um coming to life of love and most people
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that i mean this goes way over their head i feel like uh you know another thing is
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that your intentions don't erase the consequences of your behavior.
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And so most people don't understand this because I'm sure in his head, he was like, well, I do want to hang out with this guy,
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but you know, it's just poker.
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There were a lot, there were a lot of other guys.
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So it just kind of was the path of least resistance, whatever, excuse me.
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But the reality is if you love someone, you make the time, you make the effort,
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you make the sacrifice, you do what needs to be done.
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And that's just, that's how life is.
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That's how life is.
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When I was in college, there was one time where a buddy of mine who lived six and a half hours away said,
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I need a ride home for, and I was in our hometown and, you know, he was six and a half hours away,
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like I just said, but he needed a ride home for the holidays.
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And I drove six and a half hours to meet him.
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And then six and a half hours back to go back to our hometown.
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And I did this because I was like, this is what you do for someone.
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And, you know, I, I mean, I guess it's a different point of view that I'm going to have because I'm Christian,
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but like life is about acts of service and doing things for people, even if there's no reciprocity in it,
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you know, somebody is not always going to treat you the way that you treat them.
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And in my limited experience of life, I have realized that I always, almost always am willing to go the extra mile for other people,
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but that rarely ever is returned to me.
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And I like, that's not what the value of things is based off of.
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You do things because in general, I consider myself to be, I'm not trying to virtue signal,
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but I do consider myself to be a loving person in the sense that I like people specifically as individuals in groups,
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you know, it gets questionable, but as individuals, you know, I like to help people.
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And I think that that's a good thing.
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And I think almost everybody likes to help people.
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I think this is like a natural, you know, you feel good when you help people.
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I've never met someone that doesn't like to help people, but anyways, love is like, Hey, I'm going to show up.
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I'm going to do this.
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And it's just sad to see that most people don't make that effort.
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And I think what's scary is to think about when our generation starts to get married.
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And by the way, a lot of people are you know,
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the percentage of people that are getting married is getting lower and lower as time goes on.
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But I think what we're seeing is, or what we're going to see is a lot of people aren't going to stay married for very long
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because they don't know what it's like to commit through hard times, through aging, through, you know,
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the different mood swings or periods of life that people go through.
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And it just is a, is the, uh, sort of symbolic representation of failing love.
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That's what I think.
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Um, yeah, it's not just getting along with someone.
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It's not just being physically attracted to someone.
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It's not just having your interests be aligned for, you know, a finite period of time.
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It's so much more.
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It's, it's the actions that's showing up every day but yeah those are my thoughts thank you guys for watching
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu konuşma dersi “love is how you treat someone, not how you feel about them” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 117 cümle ve 1611 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 8:37 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 187 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %87’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| poker isim | /ˈpoʊkɚ/ | karıştırıcı |
| visible sıfat | /ˈvɪzɪb(ə)l/ | görülebilir |
| sacrifice isim | /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/ | kurban, kurbanlık |
| grandmother isim | /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/ | büyükanne, nine |
| hometown isim | /ˈhoʊmˌtaʊn/ | yurt, memleket |
| confuse fiil | /kənˈfjuːz/ | karıştırmak |
| dramatic sıfat | /dɹəˈmætɪk/ | dramatik |
| buddy | /ˈbʌdi/ | ahbap |
| friendship isim | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | arkadaşlık, dostluk |
| scary sıfat | /ˈskɛə.ɹi/ | korkunç |
| divorce isim | /dɪˈvɔːs/ | boşanma |
| deny fiil | /dəˈnaɪ/ | inkâr etmek |
| filter isim | /ˈfɪltɚ/ | filtre |
| grandfather isim | /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌfɑðɚ/ | dede, büyükbaba |
| emotion isim | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | duygu, his |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| pass away fiil | göçmek, Hakk'ın rahmetine kavuşmak |
| show up fiil | ortaya çıkmak |
| fall apart fiil | altüst olmak |
| grow up fiil | büyümek, yetişmek |
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | I've come · I've even started · has been |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | is reciprocated · be done · is returned |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı I'm, didn't, don't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 39 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “th” sesleri: grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, grandfather /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌfɑðɚ/, brotherly /ˈbɹʌð.ɚ.li/
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, representation /ˌɹɛp.ɹə.zɛnˈteɪ.ʃən/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, obligation /ˌɑ.blɪˈɡeɪ.ʃn̩/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: representation /ˌɹɛp.ɹə.zɛnˈteɪ.ʃən/, inevitably /ɪˈnɛvɪtəbli/, exemplify /ɛɡˈzɛmplɪfaɪ/, reciprocate /ɹɪˈsɪpɹəˌkeɪt/, reciprocity /ˌrɛsəˈprɑsəti/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: swing /ˈswɪŋ/, anyways /ˈɛn.iˌweɪz/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, questionable /ˈkwɛst͡ʃənəbl̩/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: swing /ˈswɪŋ/, grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, dramatic /dɹəˈmætɪk/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, scary /ˈskɛə.ɹi/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: romantic /ɹoʊˈmæn(t)ɪk/, sacrifice /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/, grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/, dramatic /dɹəˈmætɪk/, grandfather /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌfɑðɚ/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; poker, visible, sacrifice gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.