跟讀練習: 3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation - 通過影片學習英語口語

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Hey y'all, it's Jefferson.

On today's episode, I'm going to be sharing with you three must-know truths

that are going to change the way you communicate and how to leverage those mindsets to improve your life for the better.

Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast.

In fact, season two of the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.

If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to please follow this podcast.

And if you would, leave a review.

Give it a like, a star, anything helps.

It really does.

I want to also let you know that my new book, The Next Conversation, is officially out on pre-order.

And if you like anything about this podcast, I promise you, you're going to like the book.

And for the first time, I have the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication that is now out and ready.

All you have to do is just look in the show notes.

I'll have all the links posted right there.

Before we go into the three things that I want to dive into, you might notice something a little bit different.

The sound quality might be a little bit different.

I now have a microphone.

I'm in a studio and not in my car.

Now, I want to tell you, don't worry, I'm still going to be making car videos, those daily car videos that you see and that I enjoy making for you.

But when it comes to podcasting and more longer form content, I can't always make it in the car.

I'll still keep the episode short.

I'm hoping to keep it at the 12 to 18 20 minute mark right in there to where it's

it's something that you can listen to right in your commute

but I don't want to have super long form content right

now I just want to keep it in the sweet spot until I get more comfortable with it

and see what works in my life

so this is a change with everything that's coming up with the book launch

and I'm also going to be bringing you guests for the

first time I'm going to have solo episodes too you're still going to hear from me

but I also want to bring you some guests that I know

that you love and people that I love

that are going to also just continue to pour into you as much as they have poured into me.

All right, three things that I want you to know that are going to change the way you communicate.

Are you listening?

Are you ready?

Number one, never win an argument.

Whenever your goal is to win an argument, you lose so much more every time.

And it gets me frustrated, to tell you the truth, of how much I see out in the world,

videos to blogs to books and magazines and articles on how to win every argument.

Let me tell you right now, it is a lie.

It's snake oil.

It's clickbait.

It's not true.

It has nothing to do with real world.

That's why it does not work.

When you've ever seen, like, why am I not winning this argument?

Because the idea of winning it does not work.

It never has.

It never will.

People like to say, well, Jefferson, aren't you an attorney?

Isn't this kind of your day job?

This is what you do for a living.

You win arguments.

Absolutely not.

No, that's not how it works.

As a trial attorney, any trial attorney who is in the courtroom, you do not choose your client's facts.

When a client walks into my door and they have, hey, I've been in an accident and here are my facts.

I can't create new facts that will help my case.

And I can get rid of facts or delete facts that hurt my case.

I am stuck with the cards that are dealt.

Same thing applies with the law.

I can't choose.

I'm here in Texas.

I can't choose what laws I'm going to follow or not going to follow.

They apply to everyone here in the state, same if the federal level or any state in the U.S.

I can't choose any of that.

And so when it comes to arguing as an attorney, it's more about giving the facts and evidence a voice.

How can I persuade you based upon my facts and what I have in the law?

And then it's ultimately up to the finder of fact is how they call it.

You have the judge or you have the jury, and it's going to be those are the people who decide what's persuasive and what's not.

Are they following the law?

At the end of the day, they have to follow the law.

It has nothing to do about who's winning an argument.

The other attorney might have better facts.

The other attorney might have better law.

It has nothing to do with me winning it.

So it's not even the same thing in the courtroom or as an attorney.

You cannot win every argument.

When you do, when you set out to say, I want to win this argument, you will lose the relationship with this person.

It may not be the first time.

It may not be the second time.

But over time and time and time again, the value and quality of that relationship is going to continue to go down.

Here's what I mean.

When you and I are fighting and we're trying to win an argument, what I've really won is your contempt.

You're now mad at me, most likely.

I've won your ability to have awkward silence now every time we pass each other in the hall.

I still have to probably work with this person.

You probably have to live with this person.

What have you won?

You've really probably won the first chance.

You're now the first person up to have to apologize.

Often we win arguments because we said something that was over the top, went too far below the belt.

Anything that made the argument stop.

Just because you're the last one who speaks does not mean that you're the one who won the argument.

It is just not true.

So every time you try to see yourself is winning an argument, you're going to lose the relationship.

You're going to lose their respect.

You're going to lose their trust, their confidence.

And over time, you're going to lose the ability to connect with

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that person when you always set out to win an argument.

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So instead of winning an argument, this is what I want you to do.

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See the argument as something to unravel.

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See the argument as something to unravel, as in a knot.

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You have one side, I have the other.

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And when I'm pulling and we're pulling, it just makes the knot tighter and tighter.

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It doesn't go anywhere.

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Instead of seeing who's going to win this tug of war, you have to stop, put it down, and find a way to locate the knot.

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And when you do, that's where you have the heart of the matter, where you can start to unravel and say, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.

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They're trying to understand where you're coming from.

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Then you can talk.

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Then you can connect with the person.

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It is not winning an argument that is going to change the way you communicate.

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It is seeing the way that you can unravel the knot.

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I really hope that resonates with you.

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It's one of the main pillars that I use every day in my communication

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and how I see things between two people and how we connect with each other.

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Don't look to win the argument.

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You want to look to unravel the knot.

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You just have to be patient enough.

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Truth number two, have something to learn, not something to prove.

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Now this goes beautifully with the first point of never win an argument.

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Number two says, have something to learn, not something to prove.

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Struggle happens, difficulty happens, bad things happen in communication when I'm trying to prove something against you.

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But here's the fact of it.

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The harder I work to push against you, the harder I push to prove my point, the more hardened you'll become that I'm wrong.

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Because what you don't know is that behind everybody, as we're going to talk here in the third step, is there is a surface and a depth behind everybody.

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So if I were to say, you're wrong.

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Hey, you listening right now?

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You're wrong.

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Whatever opinion you have, I'm going to say that it's wrong.

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But what I don't know is when I tell you that you're wrong, I could also be saying that your family member is wrong.

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Your grandparent is wrong.

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What you've known your whole life is wrong.

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We all come into circumstances with different life experiences.

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So if you've been raised, maybe let's say in a particular religion your entire life, or you've heard only a certain political party your entire life.

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These are big concepts I'm talking about here.

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Or maybe you grew up in an area that is culturally a certain way, and somebody says that that's wrong.

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What you're doing is just changing their whole paradigm and saying everything about you is wrong.

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And we will get so defensive, even to the point of refusing to listen, to be able to preserve that identity that the other person has.

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They will fight tooth and nail.

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It doesn't matter.

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That's why logic does not work in these circumstances.

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Logic doesn't work because it is part of their identity.

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It is their value in their life of this is who I am.

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If you're saying that I'm wrong, that means my dad's wrong.

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My mom's wrong.

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My grandparents are wrong.

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And it ties to a whole lot more.

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When somebody likes, let's say, a political candidate, it doesn't matter what party, and you say that they're wrong, well, you get a lot of people

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that are fans of certain people get very defensive because they tied their identity to that person.

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You have to understand that you come into it with something to learn, not something to prove in that conversation.

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I get really worked up about these truths because they hit so much at home for me.

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The points that I give, they're little quick, rapid things.

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I'm always going to be giving you those.

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I want to start season two a little bit different.

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That does not mean I'm going to continue to do the bigger concepts.

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I always give practical takeaways, and I'm going to give that to you here.

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I want you to get used to this mindset of when you see struggle, when there's friction in the communication, ask yourself, Am I trying to prove something,

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or am I trying to learn something?

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Here's a depiction of this, an illustration I want you to have in your mind.

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If I'm arguing with you, I cannot pour, let's say I have a glass of water.

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I cannot pour water into your full pitcher.

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I can't pour new thoughts into a pitcher that's already full.

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I have to let you get it all out.

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I have to ask you questions and get curious of, well, how long have you, you know, how'd you come to that conclusion?

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How long have you thought like this?

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Things that you're getting information out of the other person, rather than just trying to splash the water in their face and saying, take this and whatever, everything I say is right.

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Instead, you need to ask questions that get it all out.

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And only then is there space for you to fill it with your new thoughts.

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Have something to learn, not something to prove.

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Truth number three is one of my favorites.

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The person you see is not the person you're talking to.

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The person you see is not the person you're talking to.

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Like we said in step two, everybody has a surface and a depth.

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The person who's serving you coffee at the cafe, maybe they served it a little late.

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Maybe they had a little bit of attitude.

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That's the person you see.

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But the person you're talking to maybe should have been off two hours ago

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or just got a terribly rude comment from a customer an hour before and now it's weighing on them.

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Or maybe their kids are staying with their mom

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and they're in a bad mood because they don't like where they are in life.

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There's always a surface and a depth.

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People that you're driving behind.

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This is for me right here.

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I'm talking to myself.

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When you're driving in the left lane and somebody's in the left lane here in the United States, you have the right lane, left lane.

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Our default is typically in the right lane through single lane passing traffic.

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But it's two lanes.

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Left lane is for passing.

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The right lane is for those that go slow.

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So anytime you want to, somebody's going slow in the left lane, it irritates me to no end.

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But I'm working on that.

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See, I can work on things too.

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Well, anytime you're going slow behind a car, that's probably going to speed limit, let's be honest.

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You just automatically assume they are in your way.

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Get out of my way.

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How dare you be in my way?

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You don't know what in the world is going on with their life.

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You don't know what kind of news this person is dealing with.

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Same way when somebody is coming up behind you, like what we call on your rear.

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When they are right up behind you, you think, what do you want?

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What do you want from me?

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And you get aggravated that they're trying to speed you up.

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So it just goes all into this thing of we like to think about ourselves.

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It's our default.

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It's natural.

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I want you to see that the person you see is not the person you're talking to.

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So you have to get really curious about understanding that everybody has something going on that you don't know about.

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People you're related to, they have struggles they don't share with you.

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Your kids, there are things that are happening in their life that they may not share with you.

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Same thing with your work.

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You have a supervisor, an employee.

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There are things going in their life that you don't know.

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They're having conversations in their head that you aren't part of.

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For those that have been in relationships or are in one right now, you've all experienced this concept where somebody comes into the house,

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the room, the apartment, whatever, and you can just tell they're in a bad mood.

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And it's not until 20 minutes into the conversation, you're like, is something wrong with you?

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Well, it turns out what happened to them happened six hours before,

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and they've been living with that long before they came in contact with you.

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So things happen that you have no idea about.

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So when you go into this thing of exactly who I see with this person is exactly who they are.

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And you go into stereotypes and you say, oh, I'm going to call a spade a spade.

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That's fine.

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Do what you need to do.

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Understand that's not the real person.

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I've seen some of the toughest people, meanest looking people be the biggest teddy bears and sweethearts.

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I've also seen the smallest, may I say oldest, weakest people be the sturdiest,

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strongest humans I've ever come across.

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You cannot But judge a book by its cover.

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Now, I also want to make sure and take a second to tell you about a sponsor of this podcast, and they're called Cozy Earth.

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And the reason why I said yes to Cozy Earth is because I already use their stuff.

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Their sheets are on my bed right now.

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I wear their sweat shirts and their sweatpants.

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My wife loves their pajamas.

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I can't imagine using anything else.

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So if you are like me and you like to wear cozy things when you're home, you can go to CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.

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That's CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.

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Three truths that I want you to understand when it comes to communication.

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You use these mindsets by thinking about them, taking them to heart.

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I want you to just take for a moment

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and see what has resonated with you in this conversation that we're having here.

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Yeah, it's a conversation.

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I know I'm talking to you and you're not talking back.

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But you are in many ways when you leave comments, when you comment on any videos.

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I get to hear from you.

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For those that are part of my newsletter, you're able to ask me questions, and I'm able to field those.

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Throughout the rest of the season, I will be answering my newsletter emails.

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I have lots of them that I've starred, and I want to make sure that I get to.

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You can also join my newsletter there in the show notes.

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I have a little link for it there.

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I want you to understand that when you go into communication, applying these will change the way you think, And when you use them,

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it will improve your life.

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When you, number one, stop seeing arguments as something to win, but something to unravel.

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Number two, have something to learn, not something to prove.

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And number three, the person you see is not the person you're talking to.

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Three things that are going to change the way you communicate.

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That's real those are things that are on my heart, and those are things that are outlined in chapter one of my book,

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things that really, really mean a lot significantly to me, and I hope they've shown some light, shared some light, and shed some light onto you.

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Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.

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If you enjoyed today's episode, I'm going to ask you to, again, just follow this podcast, and if you would, leave a review.

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I'd love to have you part of the newsletter, and again, my book, The next conversation is currently still on pre-order.

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If you like, I would still love to have any kind of feedback that you have.

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So if you like or don't like this studio setup, if you like or don't like the microphone, just tell me.

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All this stuff is new to me.

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This is not super fancy.

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There's not some big, huge team.

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This is me trying to talk to you and share what's on my heart.

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I'm looking forward to sharing.

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Season 2 of the podcast, got a lot of things coming that we're still planning on that I just cannot wait to share with you.

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Thanks for being with me.

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And as always, you can try that and follow me.

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詞彙遊戲邊玩邊學

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FOR YOU

本課的詞彙與口語要點

這節 B2 級別的口語課以影片“3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation”為素材。這段影片共有 271 個句子、3221 個單詞可供跟讀。講話部分時長為 16:56。說話人語速較快，每分鐘約 190 個詞，會出現較多連讀和弱讀。 89% 的單詞屬於英語最常用的 3,000 詞，詞彙容易理解。

影片中的重點詞彙

影片中最難的 15 個單詞，附發音和釋義：

單詞	發音	釋義
podcast 名詞	/ˈpɑdˌkæst/	播客
unravel 動詞	/ˌʌnˈɹævəl/	解開 /解開, 繹 /繹
knot 名詞	/nɑt/	結 /結, 繩結 /繩結
pour 動詞	/poɹ/	倒
newsletter 名詞	/ˈn(j)uzˌlɛtɚ/	實事通訊 /實事通訊
cosy 形容詞	/ˈkoʊzi/	舒適, 暄暖
mindset 名詞	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	心態 /心態, 思維模式 /思維模式
grandparent 名詞	/ˈɡɹæn(d)pɛəɹənt/	祖父母
courtroom 名詞		法庭
circumstance 名詞	/ˈsɝ.kəmˌstæns/	情況 /情況, 狀態 /狀態
microphone 名詞	/ˈmaɪ.kɹəˌfəʊn/	麥克風 /麥克風, 話筒 /話筒
anytime 副詞		隨時 /隨時, 任何時候 /任何時候
frustrate 動詞	/ˈfɹʌsˌtɹeɪt/	令人失望, 挫折
irritate 動詞	/ˈɪɹ.ɪˌteɪt/	激怒, 刺激
pajamas 名詞	/pəˈd͡ʒɑ.məz/	睡衣

影片中出現的短語動詞

單詞	釋義
come up 動詞	上來 /上來
come up with 動詞	想出, 提出
go down 動詞	下降, 下去
look forward to 動詞	期待, 嚮往
talk back 動詞	頂嘴 /頂嘴
turn out 動詞	原來 /原來

值得反覆跟讀的句子

影片中簡短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常對話裡：

When you've ever seen, like, why am I not winning this argument?
Isn't this kind of your day job?
Hey, you listening right now?
How long have you thought like this?
How dare you be in my way?

影片中的語法

說話人最常用的結構，並附上影片中的原話：

結構	影片中的用法
現在完成時 have/has + 過去分詞 — 過去發生但與現在仍有關聯的事	have poured · you've ever seen · I've been
被動語態 be + 過去分詞 — 強調發生了什麼，而不是誰做的	are dealt · you've been raised · are outlined
定語從句 who / which + 從句 — 補充說明人或事物	people who decide · one who speaks

需要注意的發音

說話人用了 119 次縮略和弱讀形式，例如 you're, I'm, don't。請按聽到的簡短形式來說。

“sh” 和 “zh” 音: depiction /dɪˈpɪkʃən/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/, splash /splæʃ/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/
長單詞——注意重音位置: stereotype /ˈstɛ.ɹi.əˌtaɪp/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/, beautifully /ˈbju.tɪ.fə.li/, supervisor /ˈsupɚˌvaɪzɚ/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

中文母語者容易讀錯的音：

/v/ — 不要讀成 /w/，上齒輕觸下唇: unravel /ˌʌnˈɹævəl/, aggravate /ˈæɡ.ɹə.veɪ̯t/, persuasive /pə(ɹ)ˈsweɪsɪv/, leverage /ˈlɛv.(ə.)ɹɪd͡ʒ/, supervisor /ˈsupɚˌvaɪzɚ/
詞尾子音 — 要讀清楚，後面不要加母音: podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, knot /nɑt/, mindset /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/, grandparent /ˈɡɹæn(d)pɛəɹənt/, resonate /ˈɹɛz.əˌneɪt/
/r/ 和 /l/ 的區別: unravel /ˌʌnˈɹævəl/, leverage /ˈlɛv.(ə.)ɹɪd͡ʒ/, terribly /ˈtɛɹ.ɪ.bli/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/

如何用這段影片練習

先完整聽一遍影片，不要開口，記下不認識的單詞。
先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟讀，熟練之後再回到正常速度。
錄下自己的聲音並與原聲對比，特別注意 podcast, unravel, knot 這類單詞。

什麼是跟讀法？

跟讀法 (Shadowing) 是一種有科學依據的語言學習技巧，最初開發用於專業口譯員的培訓，並由多語言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。這個方法簡單而強大：您在聽英語母語原聲的同時立即大聲重複——就像是一個延遲1-2秒緊跟說話者的影子。與被動聽力或語法練習不同，跟讀法強迫您的大腦和口腔肌肉同時處理並模模擬實的講話模式。研究表明它能顯著提高發音準確性，語調，節奏，連讀，聽力理解和口語流利度——使其成為雅思口語備考和真實英語交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟讀法: 閱讀完整分步指南 →

跟讀練習: 3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation - 通過影片學習英語口語

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