Практика Shadowing: 3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
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Hey y'all, it's Jefferson.
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On today's episode, I'm going to be sharing with you three must-know truths
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that are going to change the way you communicate and how to leverage those mindsets to improve your life for the better.
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Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast.
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In fact, season two of the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.
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If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to please follow this podcast.
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And if you would, leave a review.
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Give it a like, a star, anything helps.
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It really does.
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I want to also let you know that my new book, The Next Conversation, is officially out on pre-order.
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And if you like anything about this podcast, I promise you, you're going to like the book.
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And for the first time, I have the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication that is now out and ready.
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All you have to do is just look in the show notes.
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I'll have all the links posted right there.
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Before we go into the three things that I want to dive into, you might notice something a little bit different.
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The sound quality might be a little bit different.
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I now have a microphone.
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I'm in a studio and not in my car.
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Now, I want to tell you, don't worry, I'm still going to be making car videos, those daily car videos that you see and that I enjoy making for you.
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But when it comes to podcasting and more longer form content, I can't always make it in the car.
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I'll still keep the episode short.
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I'm hoping to keep it at the 12 to 18 20 minute mark right in there to where it's
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it's something that you can listen to right in your commute
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but I don't want to have super long form content right
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now I just want to keep it in the sweet spot until I get more comfortable with it
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and see what works in my life
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so this is a change with everything that's coming up with the book launch
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and I'm also going to be bringing you guests for the
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first time I'm going to have solo episodes too you're still going to hear from me
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but I also want to bring you some guests that I know
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that you love and people that I love
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that are going to also just continue to pour into you as much as they have poured into me.
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All right, three things that I want you to know that are going to change the way you communicate.
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Are you listening?
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Are you ready?
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Number one, never win an argument.
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Whenever your goal is to win an argument, you lose so much more every time.
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And it gets me frustrated, to tell you the truth, of how much I see out in the world,
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videos to blogs to books and magazines and articles on how to win every argument.
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Let me tell you right now, it is a lie.
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It's snake oil.
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It's clickbait.
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It's not true.
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It has nothing to do with real world.
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That's why it does not work.
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When you've ever seen, like, why am I not winning this argument?
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Because the idea of winning it does not work.
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It never has.
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It never will.
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People like to say, well, Jefferson, aren't you an attorney?
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Isn't this kind of your day job?
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This is what you do for a living.
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You win arguments.
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Absolutely not.
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No, that's not how it works.
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As a trial attorney, any trial attorney who is in the courtroom, you do not choose your client's facts.
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When a client walks into my door and they have, hey, I've been in an accident and here are my facts.
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I can't create new facts that will help my case.
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And I can get rid of facts or delete facts that hurt my case.
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I am stuck with the cards that are dealt.
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Same thing applies with the law.
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I can't choose.
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I'm here in Texas.
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I can't choose what laws I'm going to follow or not going to follow.
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They apply to everyone here in the state, same if the federal level or any state in the U.S.
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I can't choose any of that.
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And so when it comes to arguing as an attorney, it's more about giving the facts and evidence a voice.
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How can I persuade you based upon my facts and what I have in the law?
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And then it's ultimately up to the finder of fact is how they call it.
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You have the judge or you have the jury, and it's going to be those are the people who decide what's persuasive and what's not.
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Are they following the law?
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At the end of the day, they have to follow the law.
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It has nothing to do about who's winning an argument.
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The other attorney might have better facts.
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The other attorney might have better law.
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It has nothing to do with me winning it.
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So it's not even the same thing in the courtroom or as an attorney.
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You cannot win every argument.
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When you do, when you set out to say, I want to win this argument, you will lose the relationship with this person.
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It may not be the first time.
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It may not be the second time.
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But over time and time and time again, the value and quality of that relationship is going to continue to go down.
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Here's what I mean.
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When you and I are fighting and we're trying to win an argument, what I've really won is your contempt.
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You're now mad at me, most likely.
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I've won your ability to have awkward silence now every time we pass each other in the hall.
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I still have to probably work with this person.
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You probably have to live with this person.
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What have you won?
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You've really probably won the first chance.
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You're now the first person up to have to apologize.
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Often we win arguments because we said something that was over the top, went too far below the belt.
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Anything that made the argument stop.
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Just because you're the last one who speaks does not mean that you're the one who won the argument.
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It is just not true.
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So every time you try to see yourself is winning an argument, you're going to lose the relationship.
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You're going to lose their respect.
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You're going to lose their trust, their confidence.
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And over time, you're going to lose the ability to connect with
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that person when you always set out to win an argument.
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So instead of winning an argument, this is what I want you to do.
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See the argument as something to unravel.
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See the argument as something to unravel, as in a knot.
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You have one side, I have the other.
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And when I'm pulling and we're pulling, it just makes the knot tighter and tighter.
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It doesn't go anywhere.
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Instead of seeing who's going to win this tug of war, you have to stop, put it down, and find a way to locate the knot.
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And when you do, that's where you have the heart of the matter, where you can start to unravel and say, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.
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They're trying to understand where you're coming from.
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Then you can talk.
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Then you can connect with the person.
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It is not winning an argument that is going to change the way you communicate.
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It is seeing the way that you can unravel the knot.
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I really hope that resonates with you.
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It's one of the main pillars that I use every day in my communication
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and how I see things between two people and how we connect with each other.
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Don't look to win the argument.
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You want to look to unravel the knot.
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You just have to be patient enough.
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Truth number two, have something to learn, not something to prove.
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Now this goes beautifully with the first point of never win an argument.
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Number two says, have something to learn, not something to prove.
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Struggle happens, difficulty happens, bad things happen in communication when I'm trying to prove something against you.
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But here's the fact of it.
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The harder I work to push against you, the harder I push to prove my point, the more hardened you'll become that I'm wrong.
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Because what you don't know is that behind everybody, as we're going to talk here in the third step, is there is a surface and a depth behind everybody.
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So if I were to say, you're wrong.
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Hey, you listening right now?
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You're wrong.
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Whatever opinion you have, I'm going to say that it's wrong.
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But what I don't know is when I tell you that you're wrong, I could also be saying that your family member is wrong.
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Your grandparent is wrong.
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What you've known your whole life is wrong.
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We all come into circumstances with different life experiences.
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So if you've been raised, maybe let's say in a particular religion your entire life, or you've heard only a certain political party your entire life.
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These are big concepts I'm talking about here.
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Or maybe you grew up in an area that is culturally a certain way, and somebody says that that's wrong.
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What you're doing is just changing their whole paradigm and saying everything about you is wrong.
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And we will get so defensive, even to the point of refusing to listen, to be able to preserve that identity that the other person has.
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They will fight tooth and nail.
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It doesn't matter.
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That's why logic does not work in these circumstances.
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Logic doesn't work because it is part of their identity.
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It is their value in their life of this is who I am.
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If you're saying that I'm wrong, that means my dad's wrong.
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My mom's wrong.
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My grandparents are wrong.
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And it ties to a whole lot more.
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When somebody likes, let's say, a political candidate, it doesn't matter what party, and you say that they're wrong, well, you get a lot of people
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that are fans of certain people get very defensive because they tied their identity to that person.
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You have to understand that you come into it with something to learn, not something to prove in that conversation.
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I get really worked up about these truths because they hit so much at home for me.
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The points that I give, they're little quick, rapid things.
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I'm always going to be giving you those.
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I want to start season two a little bit different.
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That does not mean I'm going to continue to do the bigger concepts.
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I always give practical takeaways, and I'm going to give that to you here.
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I want you to get used to this mindset of when you see struggle, when there's friction in the communication, ask yourself, Am I trying to prove something,
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or am I trying to learn something?
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Here's a depiction of this, an illustration I want you to have in your mind.
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If I'm arguing with you, I cannot pour, let's say I have a glass of water.
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I cannot pour water into your full pitcher.
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I can't pour new thoughts into a pitcher that's already full.
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I have to let you get it all out.
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I have to ask you questions and get curious of, well, how long have you, you know, how'd you come to that conclusion?
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How long have you thought like this?
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Things that you're getting information out of the other person, rather than just trying to splash the water in their face and saying, take this and whatever, everything I say is right.
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Instead, you need to ask questions that get it all out.
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And only then is there space for you to fill it with your new thoughts.
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Have something to learn, not something to prove.
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Truth number three is one of my favorites.
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The person you see is not the person you're talking to.
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The person you see is not the person you're talking to.
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Like we said in step two, everybody has a surface and a depth.
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The person who's serving you coffee at the cafe, maybe they served it a little late.
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Maybe they had a little bit of attitude.
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That's the person you see.
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But the person you're talking to maybe should have been off two hours ago
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or just got a terribly rude comment from a customer an hour before and now it's weighing on them.
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Or maybe their kids are staying with their mom
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and they're in a bad mood because they don't like where they are in life.
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There's always a surface and a depth.
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People that you're driving behind.
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This is for me right here.
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I'm talking to myself.
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When you're driving in the left lane and somebody's in the left lane here in the United States, you have the right lane, left lane.
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Our default is typically in the right lane through single lane passing traffic.
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But it's two lanes.
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Left lane is for passing.
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The right lane is for those that go slow.
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So anytime you want to, somebody's going slow in the left lane, it irritates me to no end.
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But I'm working on that.
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See, I can work on things too.
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Well, anytime you're going slow behind a car, that's probably going to speed limit, let's be honest.
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You just automatically assume they are in your way.
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Get out of my way.
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How dare you be in my way?
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You don't know what in the world is going on with their life.
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You don't know what kind of news this person is dealing with.
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Same way when somebody is coming up behind you, like what we call on your rear.
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When they are right up behind you, you think, what do you want?
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What do you want from me?
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And you get aggravated that they're trying to speed you up.
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So it just goes all into this thing of we like to think about ourselves.
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It's our default.
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It's natural.
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I want you to see that the person you see is not the person you're talking to.
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So you have to get really curious about understanding that everybody has something going on that you don't know about.
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People you're related to, they have struggles they don't share with you.
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Your kids, there are things that are happening in their life that they may not share with you.
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Same thing with your work.
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You have a supervisor, an employee.
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There are things going in their life that you don't know.
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They're having conversations in their head that you aren't part of.
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For those that have been in relationships or are in one right now, you've all experienced this concept where somebody comes into the house,
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the room, the apartment, whatever, and you can just tell they're in a bad mood.
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And it's not until 20 minutes into the conversation, you're like, is something wrong with you?
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Well, it turns out what happened to them happened six hours before,
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and they've been living with that long before they came in contact with you.
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So things happen that you have no idea about.
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So when you go into this thing of exactly who I see with this person is exactly who they are.
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And you go into stereotypes and you say, oh, I'm going to call a spade a spade.
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That's fine.
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Do what you need to do.
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Understand that's not the real person.
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I've seen some of the toughest people, meanest looking people be the biggest teddy bears and sweethearts.
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I've also seen the smallest, may I say oldest, weakest people be the sturdiest,
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strongest humans I've ever come across.
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You cannot But judge a book by its cover.
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Now, I also want to make sure and take a second to tell you about a sponsor of this podcast, and they're called Cozy Earth.
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And the reason why I said yes to Cozy Earth is because I already use their stuff.
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Their sheets are on my bed right now.
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I wear their sweat shirts and their sweatpants.
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My wife loves their pajamas.
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I can't imagine using anything else.
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So if you are like me and you like to wear cozy things when you're home, you can go to CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.
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That's CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.
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Three truths that I want you to understand when it comes to communication.
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You use these mindsets by thinking about them, taking them to heart.
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I want you to just take for a moment
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and see what has resonated with you in this conversation that we're having here.
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Yeah, it's a conversation.
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I know I'm talking to you and you're not talking back.
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But you are in many ways when you leave comments, when you comment on any videos.
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I get to hear from you.
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For those that are part of my newsletter, you're able to ask me questions, and I'm able to field those.
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Throughout the rest of the season, I will be answering my newsletter emails.
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I have lots of them that I've starred, and I want to make sure that I get to.
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You can also join my newsletter there in the show notes.
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I have a little link for it there.
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I want you to understand that when you go into communication, applying these will change the way you think, And when you use them,
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it will improve your life.
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When you, number one, stop seeing arguments as something to win, but something to unravel.
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Number two, have something to learn, not something to prove.
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And number three, the person you see is not the person you're talking to.
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Three things that are going to change the way you communicate.
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That's real those are things that are on my heart, and those are things that are outlined in chapter one of my book,
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things that really, really mean a lot significantly to me, and I hope they've shown some light, shared some light, and shed some light onto you.
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Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.
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If you enjoyed today's episode, I'm going to ask you to, again, just follow this podcast, and if you would, leave a review.
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I'd love to have you part of the newsletter, and again, my book, The next conversation is currently still on pre-order.
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If you like, I would still love to have any kind of feedback that you have.
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So if you like or don't like this studio setup, if you like or don't like the microphone, just tell me.
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All this stuff is new to me.
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This is not super fancy.
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There's not some big, huge team.
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This is me trying to talk to you and share what's on my heart.
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I'm looking forward to sharing.
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Season 2 of the podcast, got a lot of things coming that we're still planning on that I just cannot wait to share with you.
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Thanks for being with me.
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And as always, you can try that and follow me.
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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку
Этот урок разговорной практики уровня B2 построен на видео «3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation». В этом видео 271 предложений и 3221 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 16:56. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 190 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 89% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка, поэтому лексика простая.
Ключевая лексика этого видео
Самые сложные слова из видео (15), с произношением и значением:
| Слово | Произношение | Значение |
|---|---|---|
| podcast существительное | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | подка́ст |
| unravel глагол | /ˌʌnˈɹævəl/ | распу́тывать, распу́тать |
| knot существительное | /nɑt/ | у́зел |
| pour глагол | /poɹ/ | лить, налива́ть |
| newsletter существительное | /ˈn(j)uzˌlɛtɚ/ | информацио́нный бюллете́нь, бюллете́нь |
| cosy прилагательное | /ˈkoʊzi/ | ую́тный |
| mindset существительное | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | склад ума́, о́браз мы́слей |
| grandparent существительное | /ˈɡɹæn(d)pɛəɹənt/ | де́душка, дед |
| resonate глагол | /ˈɹɛz.əˌneɪt/ | резони́ровать |
| courtroom существительное | зал суда́, зал суде́бных заседа́ний | |
| circumstance существительное | /ˈsɝ.kəmˌstæns/ | обстоя́тельство, усло́вие |
| microphone существительное | /ˈmaɪ.kɹəˌfəʊn/ | микрофо́н |
| anytime наречие | когда́ уго́дно, в любо́е вре́мя | |
| aggravate глагол | /ˈæɡ.ɹə.veɪ̯t/ | обостря́ть, обостри́ть |
| depiction существительное | /dɪˈpɪkʃən/ | изображе́ние |
Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите
| Слово | Значение |
|---|---|
| come up глагол | поднима́ться, подня́ться |
| come up with глагол | придумывать, приходить в голову |
| go down глагол | спуска́ться, спусти́ться |
| look forward to глагол | ждать с нетерпе́нием, не мочь дожда́ться |
| talk back глагол | огрызаться, дерзить |
| turn out глагол | ока́зываться, оказа́ться |
Фразы, которые стоит повторять
Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:
- When you've ever seen, like, why am I not winning this argument?
- Isn't this kind of your day job?
- Hey, you listening right now?
- How long have you thought like this?
- How dare you be in my way?
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | have poured · you've ever seen · I've been |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | are dealt · you've been raised · are outlined |
| Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете | people who decide · one who speaks |
Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание
Говорящий использует 119 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, I'm, don't. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.
- Звуки «sh» и «zh»: depiction /dɪˈpɪkʃən/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/, splash /splæʃ/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/
- Длинные слова — следите за ударением: stereotype /ˈstɛ.ɹi.əˌtaɪp/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/, beautifully /ˈbju.tɪ.fə.li/, supervisor /ˈsupɚˌvaɪzɚ/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/
Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:
- /w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: persuasive /pə(ɹ)ˈsweɪsɪv/, sweatpants /ˈswɛtˌpænts/, takeaway /ˈteɪkəweɪ/, sweetheart /ˈswiːtˌhɑːt/, persuade /pə(ɹ)ˈsweɪd/
- /h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: harden /ˈhɑɹdn̩/, sweetheart /ˈswiːtˌhɑːt/
- Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: pajamas /pəˈd͡ʒɑ.məz/, persuasive /pə(ɹ)ˈsweɪsɪv/, persuade /pə(ɹ)ˈsweɪd/, leverage /ˈlɛv.(ə.)ɹɪd͡ʒ/, lanes /leɪnz/
Как заниматься с этим видео
- Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
- Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
- Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как podcast, unravel, knot.
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.