Shadowing Practice: 3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation - Learn English Speaking with Video

Hey y'all, it's Jefferson.

On today's episode, I'm going to be sharing with you three must-know truths

that are going to change the way you communicate and how to leverage those mindsets to improve your life for the better.

Welcome to the Jefferson Fisher Podcast.

In fact, season two of the Jefferson Fisher Podcast, where I'm on a mission to make your next conversation the one that changes everything.

If you enjoy learning tools to improve your communication, I'm going to ask you to please follow this podcast.

And if you would, leave a review.

Give it a like, a star, anything helps.

It really does.

I want to also let you know that my new book, The Next Conversation, is officially out on pre-order.

And if you like anything about this podcast, I promise you, you're going to like the book.

And for the first time, I have the Jefferson Fisher School of Communication that is now out and ready.

All you have to do is just look in the show notes.

I'll have all the links posted right there.

Before we go into the three things that I want to dive into, you might notice something a little bit different.

The sound quality might be a little bit different.

I now have a microphone.

I'm in a studio and not in my car.

Now, I want to tell you, don't worry, I'm still going to be making car videos, those daily car videos that you see and that I enjoy making for you.

But when it comes to podcasting and more longer form content, I can't always make it in the car.

I'll still keep the episode short.

I'm hoping to keep it at the 12 to 18 20 minute mark right in there to where it's

it's something that you can listen to right in your commute

but I don't want to have super long form content right

now I just want to keep it in the sweet spot until I get more comfortable with it

and see what works in my life

so this is a change with everything that's coming up with the book launch

and I'm also going to be bringing you guests for the

first time I'm going to have solo episodes too you're still going to hear from me

but I also want to bring you some guests that I know

that you love and people that I love

that are going to also just continue to pour into you as much as they have poured into me.

All right, three things that I want you to know that are going to change the way you communicate.

Are you listening?

Are you ready?

Number one, never win an argument.

Whenever your goal is to win an argument, you lose so much more every time.

And it gets me frustrated, to tell you the truth, of how much I see out in the world,

videos to blogs to books and magazines and articles on how to win every argument.

Let me tell you right now, it is a lie.

It's snake oil.

It's clickbait.

It's not true.

It has nothing to do with real world.

That's why it does not work.

When you've ever seen, like, why am I not winning this argument?

Because the idea of winning it does not work.

It never has.

It never will.

People like to say, well, Jefferson, aren't you an attorney?

Isn't this kind of your day job?

This is what you do for a living.

You win arguments.

Absolutely not.

No, that's not how it works.

As a trial attorney, any trial attorney who is in the courtroom, you do not choose your client's facts.

When a client walks into my door and they have, hey, I've been in an accident and here are my facts.

I can't create new facts that will help my case.

And I can get rid of facts or delete facts that hurt my case.

I am stuck with the cards that are dealt.

Same thing applies with the law.

I can't choose.

I'm here in Texas.

I can't choose what laws I'm going to follow or not going to follow.

They apply to everyone here in the state, same if the federal level or any state in the U.S.

I can't choose any of that.

And so when it comes to arguing as an attorney, it's more about giving the facts and evidence a voice.

How can I persuade you based upon my facts and what I have in the law?

And then it's ultimately up to the finder of fact is how they call it.

You have the judge or you have the jury, and it's going to be those are the people who decide what's persuasive and what's not.

Are they following the law?

At the end of the day, they have to follow the law.

It has nothing to do about who's winning an argument.

The other attorney might have better facts.

The other attorney might have better law.

It has nothing to do with me winning it.

So it's not even the same thing in the courtroom or as an attorney.

You cannot win every argument.

When you do, when you set out to say, I want to win this argument, you will lose the relationship with this person.

It may not be the first time.

It may not be the second time.

But over time and time and time again, the value and quality of that relationship is going to continue to go down.

Here's what I mean.

When you and I are fighting and we're trying to win an argument, what I've really won is your contempt.

You're now mad at me, most likely.

I've won your ability to have awkward silence now every time we pass each other in the hall.

I still have to probably work with this person.

You probably have to live with this person.

What have you won?

You've really probably won the first chance.

You're now the first person up to have to apologize.

Often we win arguments because we said something that was over the top, went too far below the belt.

Anything that made the argument stop.

Just because you're the last one who speaks does not mean that you're the one who won the argument.

It is just not true.

So every time you try to see yourself is winning an argument, you're going to lose the relationship.

You're going to lose their respect.

You're going to lose their trust, their confidence.

And over time, you're going to lose the ability to connect with

100

that person when you always set out to win an argument.

101

So instead of winning an argument, this is what I want you to do.

102

See the argument as something to unravel.

103

See the argument as something to unravel, as in a knot.

104

You have one side, I have the other.

105

And when I'm pulling and we're pulling, it just makes the knot tighter and tighter.

106

It doesn't go anywhere.

107

Instead of seeing who's going to win this tug of war, you have to stop, put it down, and find a way to locate the knot.

108

And when you do, that's where you have the heart of the matter, where you can start to unravel and say, I'm trying to understand where you're coming from.

109

They're trying to understand where you're coming from.

110

Then you can talk.

111

Then you can connect with the person.

112

It is not winning an argument that is going to change the way you communicate.

113

It is seeing the way that you can unravel the knot.

114

I really hope that resonates with you.

115

It's one of the main pillars that I use every day in my communication

116

and how I see things between two people and how we connect with each other.

117

Don't look to win the argument.

118

You want to look to unravel the knot.

119

You just have to be patient enough.

120

Truth number two, have something to learn, not something to prove.

121

Now this goes beautifully with the first point of never win an argument.

122

Number two says, have something to learn, not something to prove.

123

Struggle happens, difficulty happens, bad things happen in communication when I'm trying to prove something against you.

124

But here's the fact of it.

125

The harder I work to push against you, the harder I push to prove my point, the more hardened you'll become that I'm wrong.

126

Because what you don't know is that behind everybody, as we're going to talk here in the third step, is there is a surface and a depth behind everybody.

127

So if I were to say, you're wrong.

128

Hey, you listening right now?

129

You're wrong.

130

Whatever opinion you have, I'm going to say that it's wrong.

131

But what I don't know is when I tell you that you're wrong, I could also be saying that your family member is wrong.

132

Your grandparent is wrong.

133

What you've known your whole life is wrong.

134

We all come into circumstances with different life experiences.

135

So if you've been raised, maybe let's say in a particular religion your entire life, or you've heard only a certain political party your entire life.

136

These are big concepts I'm talking about here.

137

Or maybe you grew up in an area that is culturally a certain way, and somebody says that that's wrong.

138

What you're doing is just changing their whole paradigm and saying everything about you is wrong.

139

And we will get so defensive, even to the point of refusing to listen, to be able to preserve that identity that the other person has.

140

They will fight tooth and nail.

141

It doesn't matter.

142

That's why logic does not work in these circumstances.

143

Logic doesn't work because it is part of their identity.

144

It is their value in their life of this is who I am.

145

If you're saying that I'm wrong, that means my dad's wrong.

146

My mom's wrong.

147

My grandparents are wrong.

148

And it ties to a whole lot more.

149

When somebody likes, let's say, a political candidate, it doesn't matter what party, and you say that they're wrong, well, you get a lot of people

150

that are fans of certain people get very defensive because they tied their identity to that person.

151

You have to understand that you come into it with something to learn, not something to prove in that conversation.

152

I get really worked up about these truths because they hit so much at home for me.

153

The points that I give, they're little quick, rapid things.

154

I'm always going to be giving you those.

155

I want to start season two a little bit different.

156

That does not mean I'm going to continue to do the bigger concepts.

157

I always give practical takeaways, and I'm going to give that to you here.

158

I want you to get used to this mindset of when you see struggle, when there's friction in the communication, ask yourself, Am I trying to prove something,

159

or am I trying to learn something?

160

Here's a depiction of this, an illustration I want you to have in your mind.

161

If I'm arguing with you, I cannot pour, let's say I have a glass of water.

162

I cannot pour water into your full pitcher.

163

I can't pour new thoughts into a pitcher that's already full.

164

I have to let you get it all out.

165

I have to ask you questions and get curious of, well, how long have you, you know, how'd you come to that conclusion?

166

How long have you thought like this?

167

Things that you're getting information out of the other person, rather than just trying to splash the water in their face and saying, take this and whatever, everything I say is right.

168

Instead, you need to ask questions that get it all out.

169

And only then is there space for you to fill it with your new thoughts.

170

Have something to learn, not something to prove.

171

Truth number three is one of my favorites.

172

The person you see is not the person you're talking to.

173

The person you see is not the person you're talking to.

174

Like we said in step two, everybody has a surface and a depth.

175

The person who's serving you coffee at the cafe, maybe they served it a little late.

176

Maybe they had a little bit of attitude.

177

That's the person you see.

178

But the person you're talking to maybe should have been off two hours ago

179

or just got a terribly rude comment from a customer an hour before and now it's weighing on them.

180

Or maybe their kids are staying with their mom

181

and they're in a bad mood because they don't like where they are in life.

182

There's always a surface and a depth.

183

People that you're driving behind.

184

This is for me right here.

185

I'm talking to myself.

186

When you're driving in the left lane and somebody's in the left lane here in the United States, you have the right lane, left lane.

187

Our default is typically in the right lane through single lane passing traffic.

188

But it's two lanes.

189

Left lane is for passing.

190

The right lane is for those that go slow.

191

So anytime you want to, somebody's going slow in the left lane, it irritates me to no end.

192

But I'm working on that.

193

See, I can work on things too.

194

Well, anytime you're going slow behind a car, that's probably going to speed limit, let's be honest.

195

You just automatically assume they are in your way.

196

Get out of my way.

197

How dare you be in my way?

198

You don't know what in the world is going on with their life.

199

You don't know what kind of news this person is dealing with.

200

Same way when somebody is coming up behind you, like what we call on your rear.

201

When they are right up behind you, you think, what do you want?

202

What do you want from me?

203

And you get aggravated that they're trying to speed you up.

204

So it just goes all into this thing of we like to think about ourselves.

205

It's our default.

206

It's natural.

207

I want you to see that the person you see is not the person you're talking to.

208

So you have to get really curious about understanding that everybody has something going on that you don't know about.

209

People you're related to, they have struggles they don't share with you.

210

Your kids, there are things that are happening in their life that they may not share with you.

211

Same thing with your work.

212

You have a supervisor, an employee.

213

There are things going in their life that you don't know.

214

They're having conversations in their head that you aren't part of.

215

For those that have been in relationships or are in one right now, you've all experienced this concept where somebody comes into the house,

216

the room, the apartment, whatever, and you can just tell they're in a bad mood.

217

And it's not until 20 minutes into the conversation, you're like, is something wrong with you?

218

Well, it turns out what happened to them happened six hours before,

219

and they've been living with that long before they came in contact with you.

220

So things happen that you have no idea about.

221

So when you go into this thing of exactly who I see with this person is exactly who they are.

222

And you go into stereotypes and you say, oh, I'm going to call a spade a spade.

223

That's fine.

224

Do what you need to do.

225

Understand that's not the real person.

226

I've seen some of the toughest people, meanest looking people be the biggest teddy bears and sweethearts.

227

I've also seen the smallest, may I say oldest, weakest people be the sturdiest,

228

strongest humans I've ever come across.

229

You cannot But judge a book by its cover.

230

Now, I also want to make sure and take a second to tell you about a sponsor of this podcast, and they're called Cozy Earth.

231

And the reason why I said yes to Cozy Earth is because I already use their stuff.

232

Their sheets are on my bed right now.

233

I wear their sweat shirts and their sweatpants.

234

My wife loves their pajamas.

235

I can't imagine using anything else.

236

So if you are like me and you like to wear cozy things when you're home, you can go to CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.

237

That's CozyEarth.com slash Jefferson and use the code Jefferson for 40% off.

238

Three truths that I want you to understand when it comes to communication.

239

You use these mindsets by thinking about them, taking them to heart.

240

I want you to just take for a moment

241

and see what has resonated with you in this conversation that we're having here.

242

Yeah, it's a conversation.

243

I know I'm talking to you and you're not talking back.

244

But you are in many ways when you leave comments, when you comment on any videos.

245

I get to hear from you.

246

For those that are part of my newsletter, you're able to ask me questions, and I'm able to field those.

247

Throughout the rest of the season, I will be answering my newsletter emails.

248

I have lots of them that I've starred, and I want to make sure that I get to.

249

You can also join my newsletter there in the show notes.

250

I have a little link for it there.

251

I want you to understand that when you go into communication, applying these will change the way you think, And when you use them,

252

it will improve your life.

253

When you, number one, stop seeing arguments as something to win, but something to unravel.

254

Number two, have something to learn, not something to prove.

255

And number three, the person you see is not the person you're talking to.

256

Three things that are going to change the way you communicate.

257

That's real those are things that are on my heart, and those are things that are outlined in chapter one of my book,

258

things that really, really mean a lot significantly to me, and I hope they've shown some light, shared some light, and shed some light onto you.

259

Thank you so much for listening to this podcast.

260

If you enjoyed today's episode, I'm going to ask you to, again, just follow this podcast, and if you would, leave a review.

261

I'd love to have you part of the newsletter, and again, my book, The next conversation is currently still on pre-order.

262

If you like, I would still love to have any kind of feedback that you have.

263

So if you like or don't like this studio setup, if you like or don't like the microphone, just tell me.

264

All this stuff is new to me.

265

This is not super fancy.

266

There's not some big, huge team.

267

This is me trying to talk to you and share what's on my heart.

268

I'm looking forward to sharing.

269

Season 2 of the podcast, got a lot of things coming that we're still planning on that I just cannot wait to share with you.

270

Thanks for being with me.

271

And as always, you can try that and follow me.

📺 Same Channel

✨ Recommend Video

272 sentences

English Listening Podcast - How I Learned Spanish

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

18 sentences

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Students (Part 3) 🎯

Business EnglishDaily ConversationHigh School Students

296 sentences

2590 - 3 Tips to Keep Your Accent and Be Understood With Valerie Fridland

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

447 sentences

How to change your life by journaling in 2026

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

73 sentences

Sound More Professional in English | 5 Phrases for Difficult Conversations

Business EnglishInterview EnglishDaily Conversation

377 sentences

How I'd improve my English if I only had 15 minutes - The Fluency Habit Podcast

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

178 sentences

"Give me 13 Minutes, and I'll Improve Your Communication Skills by 88%..." - Jim Rohn

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

435 sentences

Don't Lose the Room: How to Make Ideas Stick

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

348 sentences

Real English Conversation: Advanced English Lesson

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

128 sentences

Speaking Like This Gives You An Unfair Advantage On Youtube

Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students

Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation”. This video has 271 sentences and 3221 words to shadow. The speech runs for 16:56. The speaker talks fast, about 190 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 89% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.

Key vocabulary in this video

The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
podcast noun	/ˈpɑdˌkæst/	A program, especially an audio program, produced on a regular basis, delivered over the Internet in a compressed digital format and designed for playback on…
unravel verb	/ˌʌnˈɹævəl/	To cause (something) to no longer be ravelled or tangled; to disentangle, to untangle.
knot noun	/nɑt/	A looping of a piece of string or of any other long, flexible material that cannot be untangled without passing one or both ends of the material through its…
pour verb	/poɹ/	To cause (liquid, or liquid-like substance) to flow in a stream, either out of a container or into it.
newsletter noun	/ˈn(j)uzˌlɛtɚ/	A periodically sent publication containing current events or the like, generally on a particular topic or geared toward a limited audience.
cosy adjective	/ˈkoʊzi/	Affording comfort and warmth; snug; social and comfortable.
mindset noun	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one.
grandparent noun	/ˈɡɹæn(d)pɛəɹənt/	The parent of someone's parent.
resonate verb	/ˈɹɛz.əˌneɪt/	To vibrate or sound, especially in response to another vibration.
courtroom noun		The room where a judge presides over hearings and trials, sometimes with a jury.
circumstance noun	/ˈsɝ.kəmˌstæns/	Something which is related to, or in some way affects, a fact or event.
microphone noun	/ˈmaɪ.kɹəˌfəʊn/	A device (transducer) used to convert sound waves into a varying electric current; normally fed into an amplifier and either recorded or transmitted over radio.
anytime adverb		At any time.
aggravate verb	/ˈæɡ.ɹə.veɪ̯t/	To make (an offence) worse or more severe; to increase in offensiveness or heinousness.
depiction noun	/dɪˈpɪkʃən/	A lifelike image of something, either verbal or visual.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
come across verb	To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition.
come up verb	To emerge or become known, especially unexpectedly.
come up with verb	To manage to produce, deliver, or present (something) by inventing, creating, thinking of, or obtaining it.
get out of verb	To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.
go down verb	To descend; to move from a higher place to a lower one.
look forward to verb	To anticipate, expect, or wait for, especially with a feeling of approval or pleasure; to be excited or eager to.
talk back verb	To reply impertinently or rudely; to answer in a cheeky or rude manner.
turn out verb	To end up; to result.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

When you've ever seen, like, why am I not winning this argument?
Isn't this kind of your day job?
Hey, you listening right now?
How long have you thought like this?
How dare you be in my way?

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	have poured · you've ever seen · I've been
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	are dealt · you've been raised · are outlined
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	people who decide · one who speaks

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 119 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: depiction /dɪˈpɪkʃən/, friction /ˈfɹɪkʃən/, splash /splæʃ/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/
Long words — get the stress right: stereotype /ˈstɛ.ɹi.əˌtaɪp/, illustration /ˌɪləsˈtɹeɪ̯ʃən/, beautifully /ˈbju.tɪ.fə.li/, supervisor /ˈsupɚˌvaɪzɚ/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like podcast, unravel, knot.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: 3 Communication Truths That Will Change Every Conversation - Learn English Speaking with Video

Use This Phrase on The Silent Treatment

Never Struggle with Small Talk Again | Easy Tips for Better Conversations

THIS is How To Be Direct Without Hurting People | Jefferson Fisher

Erin McGoff: How to be Instantly More Confident at Work

You’re Losing Respect Every Time You Say This

You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions

Finance Expert: How You Talk About Money Matters Ft. Vivian Tu

How to Be Direct Without Sounding Rude

How Strong Communicators Handle Difficult Talks

what to say instead of staying silent

Be more direct.

English Listening Podcast - How I Learned Spanish

The 7 Habits of Highly Successful Students (Part 3) 🎯

2590 - 3 Tips to Keep Your Accent and Be Understood With Valerie Fridland

How to change your life by journaling in 2026

Sound More Professional in English | 5 Phrases for Difficult Conversations

How I'd improve my English if I only had 15 minutes - The Fluency Habit Podcast

"Give me 13 Minutes, and I'll Improve Your Communication Skills by 88%..." - Jim Rohn

Don't Lose the Room: How to Make Ideas Stick

Real English Conversation: Advanced English Lesson

Speaking Like This Gives You An Unfair Advantage On Youtube

Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Sentences worth repeating

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?