Shadowing Practice: What to Say When Texts Go Badly - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Today we're trying something different.

I am looking at text messages and emails from people who are having a very difficult time in a conversation, both at work and at home,

and they're not sure how to navigate them.

And it's my goal here to try and help.

So if you have a conversation right now, and it's in text message form or an email that you can screenshot it,

there is a link in the description that you can send it to me

and I can help in any way I can navigate, guide, and give advice for how to handle that conversation.

Okay, this one is a adult child asking her parents for a doll back

that is at her parents' house that she had growing up, and she wants to give it to her daughter.

This is dad responding.

I talked with mom about the doll.

I understand this may bring up sadness or frustration.

One, I like that.

I like that language.

I understand this may bring up sadness and frustration.

Getting that out loud.

This isn't about anger or withholding because we don't see you.

I like that language.

What this isn't about is X, Y, and Z.

We're just not ready to let go of these memories.

Man, that's honest.

That's a really vulnerable statement.

They represent a time in our family that we miss deeply, including you.

I hope you can understand that even if you don't fully agree.

I have to say hats off to dad on the statement that says, I understand, I can see, I sense.

Here is a time that we miss and we miss you.

And we're having a really hard time that we don't let go of these memories.

He continues, those memories of you kids are precious to us,

especially after losing what I assume is a brother and with your family choosing to remain distant from our lives.

Man, that's deep.

The things we still have from when you kids were growing up mean everything to us.

They are really all we have left. That hits.

If you ever want to reconnect, we would really welcome that.

I'm not trying to pressure you.

Just leaving the door open.

Awesome language.

I pray for this every single day.

Love you, Dad.

okay full stop I I need to give credit to this dad's text message

there are thousands of kids who wish their father had this amount of emotional empathy understanding patience and to say hey I

see you and I know this is going to bring up frustration I'm telling you what's going on The door is open.

This is all we have to bring on to.

This is all we have to grab on to.

I think this is an excellent text message to be able to piece together.

So hats off to him.

Daughter responds fairly.

It is also a very strong source of memories of my childhood, and I wanted to pass it to my children.

She ends with, I'll leave it alone.

Now, I like that she adds to the conversation rather than pointing it down.

She doesn't attack dad.

She adds to the conversation.

She says, it is also, meaning, hey, this is also on the table.

She doesn't begin with, no, it's not, or who cares, or I don't care.

There's not an attack.

It says, it is also a very strong source of memories of my childhood, and I want to pass it on to my children.

I will leave it alone.

Now that's her option.

That's her choice to just simply drop it, leave it alone.

You know what?

It's not that big of a deal.

I'm going to pick my battles.

I'm not going to make a thing of it.

And you know what?

That's also a very mature way of handling this.

I approve of that short, concise.

She keeps it very brief.

I'll leave it alone.

By also saying, hey, this is something I would have want to have for my kids.

Another option, should she have wanted to bring this up, is to say it's not about the memories or the past

that we're holding onto is also about the future that we're building.

Yeah, of course, they would probably, the parents would, in a heartbeat, replace this doll that they have,

these memories, these childhood toys with an actual relationship with their child, but that's not gonna happen.

So they're grasping on to anything.

So the deeper question is, is it about the past that you're holding onto or is it about the future that you're building with future generations,

the future love that you want to put into your life the abundance that there is for you to add more.

with this daughter's children and the memories of what she's wanted to have.

I need to say this is a very, I think this is a respectful conversation.

I think this seeks understanding and clarity from both sides.

And her option to eventually leave it alone is hers to choose.

So I'd say bravo to her for realizing it's not a battle she ultimately wants to pick.

And I'd say very much kudos to the father for laying this out in a very kind, compassionate way.

All right, here we go.

Jefferson, you'll love this one.

A person I share a mailbox with, an inbox email inbox with, reads every email I send, like her sent out box,

and then tells me what to say next time or what she would have done.

I've been in the role three years and she's been in it longer than we are on the same level.

I shouldn't have responded, I know, but I did.

Oh my gosh, let me see what this is.

Okay, here the other lady says, in case you get more people asking about whether directors can approve things now under the new allegations

and a bunch of legal jargon.

Obviously, she only knows this because she reads this lady's outbound scent box.

This lady says, or the response is, oh, I keep forgetting you read every email I send.

No time for that.

The other lady says, oh, not at all.

Not all of them the other lady says not all of

them by any means not even most only incoming ones generally not outgoing um

i only look at the subject line

or the first line that's visible as a preview

if i happen to pop into the mailbox

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when it's there i just saw what they were asking um

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and the response is not reading that that was her response not reading

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that i secretly i love that i love it she's like, nah, I don't even care.

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I'm not reading that.

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I'm not even giving that the time of day.

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Here this lady is to have a shared email,

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inbox and outbox, and she goes back and reads her sent mail and then goes on top of her to say,

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hey, this is what you should have said.

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This is what you should have done.

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And her response after getting some lame excuse is, I'm not reading that.

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I'm not reading that.

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Two thumbs up from me.

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And here's the difference.

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She's being critiqued by her coworker that's on the same level as she is.

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It would be different if she's being micromanaged by a superior,

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a manager, a boss, but she's being micromanaged by somebody who's doing the same thing that she is.

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There's no reason to be putting up with somebody who's trying to micromanage

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and control everything about it and going back and saying, oh, what you should have said was this, what I would have done is X,

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Y, and Z, and they're on the same plane as you.

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I think what this lady says, this message that she's giving, not reading that, is saying, hey, I'm not putting up with that.

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Well, I'm not going to do that.

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I'm in support of this message.

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And to take this a step further, the person who's sent mail is being read by this coworker, I would challenge you to say,

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have a conversation and begin with when you, I feel.

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Hey, when you come back and tell me what I should have said

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or what you would have said or some context of that is obviously some attempt to try and sway how I communicate,

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it makes me feel controlled.

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It makes me feel micromanaged.

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It makes me feel like you think I'm incompetent when you come over in Monday morning quarterback,

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my own messages, it makes me feel as though you don't think I am competent and capable of performing my job.

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And that really upsets me.

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That's an honest conversation because I can tell from these messages, this is probably somebody who's just a busy,

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nosy, busy body who is trying to be in everybody's business, who needs to be reminded that that's not helpful and that's not welcome.

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And when you make that very clear through an honest conversation, things can have a way of turning for the better.

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But this not reading that, that's a great way to start.

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All right, this one is about an employee's email to a boss.

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Hey Jefferson, I sent an email to my boss about taking time off the week after my birthday.

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On August 7th, he just sent me this reply.

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I haven't taken PTO during the summer and I've worked in this company for 13 years.

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Never taken PTO during the summer.

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The response message subject line is time off.

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It's your call if you think you have earned the time and it's appropriate to take a week off for a birthday.

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Talk about a passive aggressive line of text.

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If it's your call, if you think you've earned this and you think it's appropriate.

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to take a week off for a birthday.

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Man, you get that, you say, yes, actually, I do think it's appropriate, thank you so much, I was hoping you'd say that.

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Here's one way to respond.

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To a passive aggressive comment, respond with, it seems like, it sounds like.

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For example, it sounds like you don't agree with the decision to take time off.

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It sounds like you disagree with this.

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It sounds like you have a reason for that statement.

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Whenever you say it seems like it sounds like you're hinting at,

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hey, there's something else behind the feelings here that you're picking up on that they're not saying.

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That would require a conversation.

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I would suggest a phone call, an in -person meeting to say,

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hey, you know that I've been here 13 years.

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I've been working here a long time.

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Is there something that I'm missing?

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Is there something else you would like to see to help you feel like I have earned the time

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and the appropriateness to take off on my PTO time for my birthday during the summer?

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Having that conversation, is there anything else?

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Is there something that would make you feel more comfortable?

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I'm not trying to rock the boat.

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I'm not trying to create an issue.

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I want this to be your call too.

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I want this for both of us to be involved in this decision

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and not to where I feel like it's a yes

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and you're going to be resentful and it's always going to be these backhanded type of comments like this.

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Sounds like you disagree with this decision.

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It feels like you disagree or you have other feelings and opinions on this.

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Can we meet tomorrow to discuss this on the phone?

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Can we meet in person to talk about this?

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And then there you are able to have the conversation of when I read your message,

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it felt like there were some other feelings that caused you some heartburn, and I want to make sure that's not there.

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What else could I do to help you feel like I've earned on top of the 13 years I've been here,

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a week off for my birthday, which I'm certainly not trying to make a habit.

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I've showed my loyalty in that I've been part of this and I want to be,

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and I would love it if this is something you're in agreement with too.

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And now, let's keep going.

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Okay, this one is between a mom and an adult son.

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And the mom is asking the son if the kids, the grandkids, her grandkids, received some postcards that she sent.

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Context is, they've tried counseling a few years it didn't go very well.

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And so they don't text and communicate all that often.

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The mom says, happy Sunday.

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Did the girls receive their postcards from London?

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Son responds, I don't know if this relationship can be repaired, but if so, the first step isn't sending postcards.

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He could have just said, I don't know, or yes, or no. Just answer.

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That wasn't an invitation for that sharp of a cut.

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I mean, that's a very acute angle to come right into.

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She's asking, did the girls receive their postcards?

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And it's, I don't know if this relationship can be repaired, but if so, the first step isn't sending postcards.

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Yeah, that's unnecessary.

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That's hurtful.

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I would rather you not respond at all to it

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or respond very briefly and just answer the question rather than sending

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that because what you've just done what the son's done is just open up a whole can of worms

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which is evidenced by the following mom then says just

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because you have a problem with me it would be unfortunate

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if you let that affect the daughter's relationship with me her granddaughters you

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You will have to answer for your choices.

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So I hope you think about the consequences of your choices.

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Okay, this is alarm, big alarm number two, okay?

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If you read how many times she, the mom says you in this, just because you have a problem with me,

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if you let that affect the relationship, you will have to answer for your choices.

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And I hope you think about the consequences of your choices.

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Six times in two sentences, she mentions the word you.

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That should send fire alarm sounds.

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There should be blaring warning signs all across the board

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that what she's propping up is just pouring gasoline on a fire that he started.

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That was some friction and now it's going to turn ugly.

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He says, you don't have a relationship with any of us.

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That was your decision.

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If you have no interest in building a healthy relationship, we will not have a relationship.

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Meanwhile, my man, she just asked, did the girls receive the postcards and you're already shutting it down?

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I mean, a postcard is just something that's simple, thinking of you.

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It's not an offensive gesture.

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You don't have any relationship with any of us.

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That was your decision.

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Most likely that was probably two -way.

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It's a two -way street there.

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If you have no interest in building a healthy relationship, we will not have a relationship.

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Okay, this is getting really, it could have just stopped there and let that breathe, but they are sending it rapid fire.

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And here she goes, I've tried.

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I've apologized.

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I have forgiven your over -the -top disrespect.

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It says, you had for me as a child.

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What, I don't know, what more do you want?

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Man, how many times has that in a family argument caused way more pain?

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Anything that follows after the question of what else do you want from me does not go well.

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That's a hypothetical question.

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That is a question out of anger, out of resentment, out of fear, out of frustration, out of loss, okay?

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And all it says is nothing positive.

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When you face that on the other side of it, what she has, you used me for this, I did this, I did chores,

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I did this, I did this.

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You don't need me for anything.

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That's some big vulnerable, I feel like that's some big feelings buying all this.

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You don't need me for anything now that you are a big shot.

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So we don't have a relationship.

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And I have accepted that.

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So here the son says, you're the reason why we don't have a relationship.

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And she goes, what are you talking about?

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What else do you want from me?

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I've done everything.

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You're the reason why.

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No, you're the reason why we don't have a relationship.

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So both of them are pointing towards you, you, you, and they're escalating this.

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Now I'm seeing for the first time at least some better language to this

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and it's this the son says I'm not having this conversation via text

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and I'm not having it right now now I wish he would have taken

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that sentence and moved it way up to the top

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if he wasn't in

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if he wasn't in a place to have this you could have spared a lot of problems by

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that sentence and putting it at the top I wish I wish this this was the only sentence of this response.

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It wasn't.

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He enter new paragraph.

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Oh, I've never heard an apology or even acknowledgement that you realize how toxic your words and actions have been, including these today.

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Enter new paragraph.

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Again, I'm not interested in an unhealthy relationship.

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You aren't entitled to access to me or my family.

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That's true.

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Get help.

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Please stop texting me.

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Oh, okay.

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When you tell somebody, get help, please get help.

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Do you think they put any blame on themselves?

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Do you think that all of a sudden you become the white knight of like, hey, be well, please get help for yourself.

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Stop texting me.

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Well, it's easy to say, please stop texting me after, you know, looks like four different responses by him engaging in in the communication.

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If he had just said, I'm not having this conversation via text right now, I will communicate with you later, period.

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That would have saved so much harm than what he just did.

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Here she says, love is a choice.

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I choose to love you.

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I like that.

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But from a distance, because I don't deserve any more abuse ever from anybody.

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Man, there is something to be said for the text and response that goes too far

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because it creates so much more damage.

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It's like compound interest.

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The pain is compounded.

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The anger, the frustration, the hurt.

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compounds.

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People have this all the time with parents and adult children where there's miscommunication.

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And that is, what do you want from me?

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I've done all this.

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I've done all that.

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Here's what I would have wanted to see.

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When she says, happy Sunday, did the girls receive their postcards from London?

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I would have wanted to see either one, hey, I'd rather not have this conversation via text.

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I'll communicate with you a little bit later.

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I would have rather seen a simple answer to her question.

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Yes, they did.

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Thank you.

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And leave it at that.

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Or three, just leave it alone for a few days and respond later when you're more controlled.

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I don't know if this relationship can be repaired, but if so, the first step isn't sending postcards.

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That is a slam the door in your face and totally is opposite of the person that says,

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hey you haven't apologized to me and um you're the one

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that needs to get help and

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if you have no interest in building a healthy relationship

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we will not have a relationship in other words hey this is all on you here at least she's trying

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and the door just got slammed in her face

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and also she says some things

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that did not help her um don't communicate on text with these type issues it creates pain

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and it creates a record it creates a historic record

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that you go back and you look at this text message

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and when you're when you're upset you go back

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and look at it and you're hurt again

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and every time you talk to them you you go back

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and you look at it again and you keep it with you

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and it becomes the remember

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when you said this i want to emphasize

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i don't know all the context i don't know in the past what this mother has done

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or what this son has done i'm only reading the text message

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and the message as it comes and looking at it from a communication standpoint.

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So when he says, I don't know if this relationship can be repaired, but if so, the first step isn't sending postcards.

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What that tells me is that there are much deeper feelings at play.

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He responded so hot.

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He came on so strong to a simple question of, did the girls receive their postcards from London.

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He took what was a level one question and turned it into a level 13 response.

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And that disparity, that difference says there are much bigger issues at play, and we just don't know about those.

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And in truth, I can see both sides.

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I can see from the grandmother's side of saying, hey, I want a relationship with my granddaughters.

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I also see that the son is absolutely entitled to say, hey, look, I'm not giving you access to my grandkids right now.

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This is where we are as a family.

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And I can respect both sides here.

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I can understand both sides.

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What I'm looking at is the way in which words are being used to either gain connection or pull it apart.

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Okay, this is a DM from somebody somebody talking about a friend's daughter.

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My friend's daughter is 22, living at home, studying law and working at a law firm.

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She works very hard, but does not help at home or pay rent for food or accommodation.

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Recently, the mom has asked her daughter to pay rent like $50 a week.

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Daughter paid one week and now is 10 days late for the next week.

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Mom sent a text to remind her to pay and daughter replied, why can't you just be a nice person?

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Just wonder what your response would be, Jefferson.

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Daughter is very offhand, like not a good relationship with mom.

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And while she works very hard at her job in law firm, she's also very entitled and a bit on edge.

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she seems to take everything out on her mom.

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If you get the message, if somebody asks you, why can't you just be a nice person?

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There are some ways that we can handle this.

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When somebody asks, why can't you be a nice person?

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What they're really saying is, why can't you just do what I I want you to do.

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Why can't you just be compliant?

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Why can't you just be a nice person and make me comfortable?

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Your job, if by being nice, it's to make the other person comfortable, then no, we're not going to be nice.

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If nice means I have to put aside everything that I do and make my life and my emotions all about you,

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no, then I'm not going to be a nice person.

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If I have to make sure that I can't do a thing without passing it by you, and that's what requires.

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it to be nice, then no, I'm not going to be a nice person.

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Why can't you just be a nice person?

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I would encourage her to respond, I'm not being nice.

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I'm being respectful.

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Another response could be, I'm not being nice, period.

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I'm being kind, period.

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And I'm letting you know that to live in this house and to afford what we have, rent is due on this day.

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No fight, no tussle, no, hey, why don't you, this is just like you, you're lazy, you don't contribute, all of that garbage.

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You don't want to be nice.

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There is a difference between being nice and being kind.

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Nice says, I'm concerned about the pleasantries, about being polite, about sweeping everything under a rug.

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We're not going to mention that.

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I can't be nice.

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Nice is concerned about the surface.

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I have to be nice.

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I can't tell them the truth.

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That's not nice.

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Kind is related to the word kin.

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It's deep.

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It's connection.

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It says, kind says, or nice says, I can't tell you that.

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I can't tell you the truth because that's not nice.

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Kindness says, I care about you enough to tell you the truth.

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So you don't want to be nice.

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You want to be kind.

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So when somebody says, why can't you be a nice person?

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Meaning, why can't you, why you can't just be nice?

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Why can't you make me comfortable?

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I would encourage a, I'm not trying to be nice, period.

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I'm being kind, period.

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And let the conversation go where it needs to.

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Okay, this one is between very old friends.

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One of them is now living out of state, comes to visit in town and asks me, so when are we going to hang out?

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This friend never has any suggestions and almost always needs a ride.

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Obviously, I use a Jefferson standard reply, but what do you think, Jefferson, was the appropriate response?

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Okay, I'm looking at the text message here.

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The question is, hey, what day are you going?

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Hey, I'll be there Saturday.

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Response is, well, I have plans Saturday.

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Okay, well, that's my schedule.

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Sorry.

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And then the response from the friend is, you always have an excuse not to meet up.

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I don't know why we're even friends anymore.

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And then the response from the person who sent this.

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They use, did you mean for that statement to hurt me?

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I like that response.

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All right.

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Here's some things that are going on.

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One, it's friendship we're talking about here and very old friends.

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So, you know, it goes back a long way.

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I want you to read when it's, you always have an excuse not to meet up.

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I don't know why we're not friends anymore.

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What do you hear in that statement?

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What do you hear in that statement?

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Is it anger?

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Is it really anger.

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What's that also tied to?

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Sadness, frustration, sadness.

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I wanted to see you.

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I'm let down.

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I'm frustrated.

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I expected, I hope to see you and it's not going to work out.

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And so you're the only person I have to lash out against.

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You always have an excuse.

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They use that absolute word of always, which is not true.

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So that's an indicator right there of where their emotions are.

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you always have an excuse not to meet up.

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I don't know why we're even friends anymore.

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That's just internal dialogue that says, hey, I'm hurt.

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Your statement question, did you mean for that statement to hurt me?

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What I love about that is you did a great job of putting the spotlight back onto them.

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Okay.

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Instead of a really, you could have argued against the always, could have said, I don't always have an excuse.

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You know what you did last time and get into an argument or yeah, I don't even know why we're friends anymore either.

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Yeah.

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You know what?

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Forget you.

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And just let's, let's stop being friends.

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You didn't do that by using the question, the stuff that I talk about.

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Did you mean for that statement to hurt me?

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Great job of you're not even responding to the content of this guy's text.

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You're, you're responding to the intent to it.

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And the friend is not responding to this yet.

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So I'm very curious of how he would respond.

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Here's one thing I would, there's nothing wrong with this question.

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If I could add something else to it, maybe something you would want to say afterwards or say in its place is this,

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I'm sad and frustrated that I don't get to see you too.

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It makes me upset that we're going to miss each other too.

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I'm mad that we don't get to hang out too.

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See, instead of fighting, trying to make them feel something else and tell them how they should feel, when you say, you know what?

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God, I'm bad about it too.

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it has a way of bringing connection and understanding because you're affirming and acknowledging that very feeling that they have,

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something that you should share, right?

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I'll say, what kind of set it off if I'm the other person?

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Says, okay, well, that's my schedule, sorry.

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That's a pretty flippant response.

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It's a pretty flippant response.

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Let me ask you the question,

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could you have said something a little better? could you have put a little bit more effort and time in that response?

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And if you had, would you have gotten maybe a little bit different response in return?

457

If I'm looking at the start of the message, it says, when is that?

458

What day are you going?

459

What day are you going?

460

You say, hey, the tent will be here Saturday.

461

I said, maybe.

462

I don't know for sure.

463

In other words, you're saying, I might be there.

464

I'll be there Saturday.

465

I told these other people, maybe.

466

I'm not really sure if I'm going to be there.

467

His response is, I have planned Saturday.

468

Bummer.

469

You could have said, oh man, that's a bummer.

470

I'm going to miss you.

471

That makes me sad.

472

That makes me bummed out.

473

Instead, you said, okay, well, that's my schedule.

474

Sorry.

475

That's going to get a defensive response.

476

One, because it's not a real apology.

477

It's you saying, well, okay, deal with it.

478

It's like a sorry of like, yeah, I'm sorry.

479

Well, deal with it.

480

It's not an actual apology.

481

And you're going, okay, well, that's my schedule.

482

Okay, well, that's what I got.

483

So good luck.

484

That's going to come back.

485

And to me, no wonder they came back a little bit at you a little bit.

486

No wonder they growled.

487

You always have an excuse not to meet up.

488

I don't know why we're not even friends.

489

So while I'll say props to you for using that, did you mean for that statement to hurt me?

490

I think we could have avoided this situation altogether had your first text not been, okay, well, that's my schedule.

491

Sorry.

492

If you had voiced the feeling of, oh man, you have planned Saturday.

493

That's the only day I can meet, man.

494

This is going to, that's crushing.

495

That's heartbreaking.

496

That totally bums me out.

497

That way you could have at least been able to share in

498

that mutual feeling rather than making them feel as though they're at a wit's end

499

and feeling like they're the only ones that's rowing the friendship boat.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “What to Say When Texts Go Badly”. This video has 499 sentences and 5334 words to shadow. The speech runs for 32:28. The speaker talks at a natural 164 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
frustration noun	/fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/	The feeling of annoyance at impossibility from resistance or inability to achieve something.
anger noun	/ˈæŋɡə/	A strong and unpleasant feeling of displeasure, hostility, or antagonism, usually combined with an urge to yell, curse, damage or destroy things, or harm…
communicate verb	/kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/	To impart or transmit (information or knowledge) to someone; to make known, to tell.
repair verb	/ˈɹiːpɛɚ/	To restore to good working order, fix, or improve damaged condition; to mend; to remedy.
sadness noun	/ˈsædnəs/	The state or emotion of being sad.
alarm noun	/əˈlɑɹm/	A summons to arms, as on the approach of an enemy.
compound noun	/ˈkɑmpaʊnd/	Anything made by combining several things.
disagree verb	/dɪsəˈɡɹi/	To fail to agree; to have a different opinion or belief.
doll noun	/dɑl/	A small figure resembling a human being that is used as a toy.
apology noun	/əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/	An expression of remorse or regret for having said or done something that harmed another: an instance of apologizing (saying that one is sorry).
inbox noun	/ˈɪnbɑks/	A container in which papers to be dealt with are put.
encourage verb	/ɪnˈkʌɹ.ɪd͡ʒ/	To mentally support; to motivate, give courage, hope or spirit.
friendship noun	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	The condition of being friends.
remind verb	/ɹəˈmaɪnd/	To cause one to experience a memory (of someone or something); to bring to the notice or consideration (of a person).
aggressive adjective	/əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/	Characterized by aggression; highly combative; prone to behave in a way that involves attacking (especially if unjustly) or arguing.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
go back verb	To return to a place or state after having been there at a previous time.
bring up verb	To mention.
come back verb	To return to a place.
grow up verb	To mature and become an adult.
put up with verb	To endure, tolerate, suffer through, or allow, especially something annoying.
fall off verb	To become detached or to drop from.
fall through verb	To be unsuccessful, come to nothing; to be cancelled; not to proceed.
get up to verb	To do something, especially something that is forbidden or improper.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

Is there something that I'm missing?
What, I don't know, what more do you want?
Why can't you just be compliant?
Why can't you just be a nice person?
Why can't you make me comfortable?

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result	if you had, would you
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	have left · have wanted · I've been
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	being critiqued · being micromanaged · being read
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	people who are · kids who wish · person who sent

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 199 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: breathe /bɹiːð/, altogether /ɔl.tuˈɡɛð.ɚ/, thumb /ˈθʌm/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, sharp /ʃɑɹp/, suggestion /səˈd͡ʒɛst.ʃən/
Long words — get the stress right: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, apology /əˈpɑ.lə.d͡ʒi/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, superior /sʊˈpɪɹ.i.ɚ/, unnecessary /ʌnˈnɛs.əˌsɛɹ.i/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like frustration, anger, communicate.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: What to Say When Texts Go Badly - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Sentences worth repeating

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?