跟讀練習: Every Single High School Sketch - Key & Peele - 通過影片學習英語口語

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Jake Quellen, Balacay, D -Nice, A -A -Ron.

Is it pronounced Aaron?

Insubordinate and churlish.

OK, students, settle down.

Settle down.

That includes you, Mr. Rodriguez.

Do you want to take the milk carton off of your head?

Thank you so much.

We have a special guest today.

He's from this neighborhood.

and he's a former gang member

and he's come here this morning to talk to you about life choices so please give a warm

Central High School welcome to Donnie Herrera

I used to be just like you

Just like you, you, you, you.

Used to clown around.

Make fun of the principal.

Put milk on my head, just like you, Rodriguez. And then...

I got hit with AIDS.

Consequences.

Got into some real trouble, boy.

Stole from my mom and dad.

Stole from my own sister.

And then one day, a piano fell on my head.

What?

Consequences.

I feel like you missed a step there.

Gave me 88 concussions, one for each key.

You think I'm learning, but no. See, I'm just like you.

I got back out there, started making some real crimes.

Home, boy!

Oh, yeah.

And then I got trampled by a herd of buffalo.

What?

Consequences.

OK, Donnie, I think we've had enough.

I'm done with my story.

I was like you.

I decided it'd be cool to hang out with some of the tough kids.

You know who I'm talking about.

They were hanging on the streets late at night.

More than cigarette smokers' homes.

And then, one day, I got shot out of a catapult.

That's it.

Okay.

Into the mouth of a dragon!

Students, everything you've heard here today is a lie.

I don't lie anymore!

You're all excused.

Look at me!

I shouldn't even be here!

Early.

Thank you aridio.

I apologize, Teresa.

So I got really deep in the crimes.

I did a drive -by at my own daughter's quinceanera!

Yeah!

Shut up, everybody!

Dead count!

Yeah!

Then I got sucked into a wormhole.

Consequences?

That's it.

Okay.

Everybody go.

I was in another dimension!

Tried to introduce my own parents to each other.

Almost failed.

Arm was disappearing.

I invented Johnny B.

Goode at my parents' prom, and at the last moment, they kissed, and they came back.

The faster we get away from him, the better.

Nobody believed me!

Where's my crack?

Oh, my...

Oh!

The consequences!

All right, listen up, y 'all.

Well, I'm y 'all substitute teacher, Mr. Garvey.

I taught school for 20 years in the inner city, so don't even think about messing with me.

Y 'all feel me?

Mm -hmm.

OK, let's take a roll here.

J. Quellen.

Where's J.

Quellen at?

No J.

Quellen here?

Yeah.

Uh, do you mean Jacqueline?

Okay, so that's how it's gonna be.

Y 'all want to play.

Okay, then.

I've got my eye on you, J.

Quillen.

Balake. Where is Balake at?

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There's no Balake here today.

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Yes, sir?

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My name's Blake.

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Are you out of your goddamn mind?

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Blake.

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What?

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Do you want to go to war, Malaki?

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No. Because we could go to war.

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No. I'm for real.

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I'm for real.

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So you better check yourself.

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D -nice.

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Is there a D -nice?

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If one of y 'all says some silly -ass name, this whole class is gonna feel my wrath.

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Now, D -nice.

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Do you mean Denise?

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Son of a bitch!

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You say your name right, right now.

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Denise?

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Say it right.

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Denise.

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Correctly.

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Denise.

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Right.

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Denise.

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Right.

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D -nice.

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That's better.

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Thank you.

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Now, A -A -Ron, where are you?

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Where is A -A -Ron right now?

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No A -A -Ron, huh?

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Well, you better be sick, dead, or mute, A -A -Ron.

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Aaron?

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Oh, man.

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Why didn't you answer me the first time I said Aaron?

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Huh?

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I'm just asking you.

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I said it like four times, so why didn't you say it the first time I said A -A -Ron? Because it's pronounced Aaron.

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Son of a bitch!

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You don't mess up, A .A.

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Ron.

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Now take your ass on down to Oshag Hennessy's office right now and tell him exactly what you did. Who?

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Oshag Hennessy!

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Principal O'Shaughnessy?

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Get out of my goddamn classroom before I break my foot off in your ass.

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Insubordinate and churlish.

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Timothy.

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Present.

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Thank you.

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All right, we're gonna take a little roll here.

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Jaqueline.

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Here.

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You are present.

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The locket.

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I hear.

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Uh -huh.

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D -Nice.

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Here.

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Good.

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Jessica.

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Thank you.

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Mr. Garvey.

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What is it, A -A -Ron?

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Some of us need to leave a few minutes early today.

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Oh.

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Oh, is that so?

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Mm -hmm.

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And what, pray tell, is the reason for this premature exodus?

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Yearbook photos.

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Um, we have to leave 15 minutes early to meet up with our clubs.

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All right, you know what?

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That might work with other substitute teachers, But I taught in the inner city for over 20 years.

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Now, y 'all want to leave my class early so y 'all can go meet up at the club.

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Ain't none of y 'all old enough to go to the damn club!

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Ridiculous.

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Mr. Garvey?

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God, son of a bitch!

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Did I s -s -s -s -dutter?

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Just then?

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Yes.

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I'm gonna throw you out the goddamn window.

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What, Jaqueline?

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Mr. Garvey, we're -we're telling the truth.

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We -we have clubs at this school.

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We have clubs for special interests.

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Okay, I see.

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So y 'all want to play.

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Y 'all want to play.

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Yeah, okay, we're gonna play little games.

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Fine.

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I'll play.

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I'm more than happy to play some games with y 'all.

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Anyone who's in a club, stand your ass up.

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Uh -huh.

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Oh, yeah, there it is.

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There it is.

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The Usual Suspects.

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What the hell club are you in, J.

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Quillen?

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Future Leaders of America.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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How would you know if you're gonna be a leader in the future?

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Is there a stargate in your bedroom?

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Can you travel through time, J.

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Quillen?

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No. Just sit the flip down!

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Balake, here's the thing.

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I don't even know why I'm about to ask you this.

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Balake, what club are you in?

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Uh, I'm part of the Spanish club.

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Sp...

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This...

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You about as Spanish as Rion Seacrest with your big -ass fraggle rock hair.

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How about you, D -Nice?

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I'm in the chess club.

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Uh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.

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You are not in the chess club.

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The mosquito bite club, maybe.

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Oh, that's hurtful.

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Truthful.

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There he is.

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Hey, hey, Ron.

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Hey, what club are you in?

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I'm the president of the Glee Club.

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Why do I talk?

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The Glee Club?!

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Stop!

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Like they gonna have a club dedicated to a TV show!

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Take your ass to O'Shea Kennedy's office right now before I bust a club up in your butt!

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Okay.

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Go!

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Okay, I'm gonna go.

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mischievous and deceitful, chicanerous and deplorable.

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This is Principal O'Shaughnessy.

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Students, please report to the gymnasium for your club photos.

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Fake announcement.

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Now does anybody in here have a valid reason for leaving this classroom?

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Timothy.

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I gotta go pick up my daughter?

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Your excuse?

242

Mrs. Brown is like the most lesbian teacher I've ever seen in my life.

243

You know what I mean?

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Why you reading, bitch?

245

Because I like to read and this is a really good book.

246

You're a really good bitch, bitch.

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Why you gotta bother me, man?

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Because I'm not doing very well at school.

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I'm reading at a third grade level.

250

I really don't want to get left back.

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So when I see somebody reading for fun, it makes me feel that much more stupid.

252

And then I get mad.

253

I didn't know that.

254

Thanks so much for opening up to me.

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Shut up, queer.

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I don't understand.

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I mean, why you got to go there?

258

I've been having sexual fantasies about some of the other guys at school.

259

Give me that I'm afraid of these feelings and what they might mean

260

It's like because I hate myself so much.

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I gotta point that hate outward towards you

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You understand this on such a deep level that you don't know

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Now I'm gonna punish you physically for acknowledging my emotional problems I was gonna say if you understand yourself so well,

264

then maybe you should try working on changing it of course I want to change it

265

But it's the only defense mechanism I have against deeper, more terrifying problems buried inside of me!

266

You're lucky my dad's here.

267

Get the damn truck, son!

268

I need to take you home and beat on you because I hate myself, and you look like your mother who left me.

269

And I'm gonna block out the guilt I feel over mistreating you with the river of vodka.

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I'm gonna internalize that and unknowingly transfer it onto you tomorrow.

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Coming reluctantly.

272

Hey, you going to Ray's party?

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Yeah, I'm going.

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You know Amy's going to be there.

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Yeah, I know.

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Things have been real good with her, man.

277

Tonight could be the night. Could be.

278

Dude, are you okay?

279

not really dude what's wrong you're the hottest girl at a party with no parents you're definitely gonna hit

280

that for sure tonight man you're gonna lose that beat for good my penis is white

281

excuse me i have a white penis what but you're black

282

uh -uh i'm biracial all the white went straight to my penis that what what you mean like like The color?

283

Oh.

284

Yeah.

285

But wait, dude, I mean, how bad could it be?

286

It's bad.

287

How bad?

288

It's like a Snickers.

289

Regular or fun size?

290

Which one do you get at Halloween?

291

Fun size.

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That's the one.

293

I know.

294

What am I gonna do?

295

I mean, I...

296

How am I gonna hit it with Amy with my little white penis.

297

Everyone's gonna find out.

298

I'm never gonna hear the end of it.

299

Dude, dude, Amy's white.

300

She's not gonna care.

301

Really?

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Yeah.

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She's white.

304

Yeah.

305

I guess you're right.

306

She's probably not even gonna know the difference.

307

Nah, man.

308

White girl, white penis?

309

You're all good.

310

Hey, there he is.

311

How'd it go last night?

312

Don't want to talk about it.

313

Well, what happened?

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Black vagina.

315

The right triangle's longest side is called the hypotenuse.

316

And it's this side here.

317

Hey.

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I wish I were high on potenuse.

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I wish I was high on potenuse.

320

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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