跟读练习: Finding Peace Through Family Estrangement - 通过视频学习英语口语

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it's such a thin line between like what's appropriate

and what's gone too far because as therapists we do see our clients suffering

and as lindsay mentioned i don't say like you need to leave this relationship

but i might think like i wonder how you will feel

if you did is this a new thing

because i mean for many many many years of doing shows

and talking to families from all over the country and the world.

When there's a crisis, people just sort of figured it out or came together at Thanksgiving and had a big fight.

But is this new?

Yeah, I mean, there's always been estrangements, right?

Forever there's been estrangements.

But it's new the way we think about family.

There's been a radical change in the way that we think about family.

The old days of honor thy mother and thy father, respect thy elders, families forever, has given way to this much more of an emphasis personal happiness,

personal growth, my identity, my political beliefs, my mental health.

So much so that today protecting my mental health is the single most common thing

that I see in every single letter from every estranged child.

And has this been exacerbated or has this increased because of social media?

Oh, there's no question.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

Because you've got 2 billion hashtags toxic family.

And everybody's got to, you know, if you line up and you're an estranged parent, you're gonna get onto a Facebook site.

If you're a strange adult child, you're gonna probably get onto Reddit or something like that.

And you're gonna get support for your perspective.

But these aren't people who actually know your parents or know your adult child.

They're gonna kind of tell you what you wanna hear.

So there's this very inflammatory reaction that people have as a result of it.

And partly that happens because we've become so divided as a society.

People are kind of looking for their tribes because their tribes are, you know, they don't have them anymore.

We're lonely.

We have rising rates of mental ill use.

But your tribe used to be your family.

Your tribe used to be your family, exactly.

And it still could if we figure out how to talk to each other.

Well, it's so interesting because, you know, I've been talking to people for a number of years.

And I remember back in the day, meaning 80s, 90s, the aughts, the very idea of having a disagreement with your family

and the very idea of divorcing your parent or removing yourself from a toxic situation was a foreign concept to people.

But now it's like common understanding.

It's common understanding.

It's also positioned as a sort of virtuous act of protecting our mental health.

And you know what?

Sometimes it is.

There are truly abusive, difficult parents and family members.

But there's a lot of people getting estranged today who aren't abusive, who are loving, decent, hardworking, loving, caring parents, and they're being cut off.

And part of the problem with us as therapists is I hope we'll talk about because as therapists,

we become what the sociologists Alison Pugh calls detachment brokers where we help people not feel guilty

about feeling responsible for our parents.

That gets sort of pathologized as being codependent or parentified or that kind of thing.

And therapists are sort of greenlighting a lot of estrangements, particularly when you use language like, oh, your mom's a narcissist or your dad's a borderline

or they're a sociopath or they're gaslighting you or they're a boundary crosser.

And once you say that to somebody, once you tell somebody that their parent or their family member or their child is that way, you just greenlit them cutting them off.

Because now it's a virtuous act of protecting your mental health.

I think that's a problem.

Okay.

Dr. Linz Gibson is here, and she's a clinical psychologist and New York Times bestselling author of Adult Children of Emotionally Inmature Parents.

And I hear it is sold now over 2 million copies and many people credit your book as the catalyst,

actually, for this surge in adult children going no contact.

Now, her upcoming book is How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child.

So, Dr. Gibson, what is it that you were seeing in your own practice?

Yeah, as a psychotherapist, what I was seeing was people coming in,

not identifying the problem as being with their parents or their family members.

Usually it was some other kind of stress.

It could be work stress or friend stress, that kind of thing.

And then about three or four sessions in, they would start talking about what was going on with the family.

Sort of like their daily life stress.

And from there, we would begin to get a picture of this old underlying tension

that had been going on for a long time with the

But very few people early in the day would come in and say, I have a problem with my mother or I have a problem with my son.

They would come in with some other life stress, and then we would get to the family issue.

What I found- Is the family issue at the root of most things?

Well, I don't know if it's at the root or whether it just resonates with what's going on now.

It's very hard to tell.

But what I found was that the coping mechanisms

that they had learned to use with their parents

when their parents were either trying to control them or get them to do what they wanted

were being transferred to their current relationships or their work relationships.

Could you give us some factors that you believe make it necessary to protect somebody's emotional health by going no contact?

I mean, when you say to someone, or do you say to them, perhaps you should go no contact.

Yeah, I don't say that.

You don't say that.

I don't say that.

Let them decide for themselves.

Well, my job as a therapist is to help people...

Come to their own conclusions.

Well, not only come to their own conclusions, but I want them to be able to turn within and test out their own inner guidance.

In other words, get back in touch with their own feelings and how things affect them.

And lots of times when you've had a dominant parent, that ability to know what you actually feel think has been messed with okay

because it becomes an issue of you love your parent by agreeing with what they see

so actually no i'm all about helping people to understand the dynamics of the relationship how it's affecting them

and then they make the decision about what they want to

do well how do you you talk to them about your emotionally immature parent, and how do you determine whether a parent is emotionally immature?

Yeah.

I really stay away from those terms in psychotherapy, because I'm not there.

But you wrote a whole book about it.

I did write the book.

When I'm coming in, I'm coming to the lady.

I'm coming to the lady who wrote the book about emotionally immature parents, OK?

100

Absolutely whether you mention it or not in our session.

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Yeah.

102

Right.

103

But when I'm talking with them in the session, I'm describing behavior.

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They're describing behavior

105

and we're talking about the effect of those behaviors on them

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down the road you know once they've read the book yeah then we might use

107

that shorthand about emotional immaturity but at the time

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we're just trying to understand their subjective experience of that parent

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okay i want to bring in nedra goldberg to wab nedra is a licensed therapist

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and a relationship expert known as the Boundary Queen on social media.

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And she's the author of the New York Times bestseller, Drama Free, a guide to managing unhealthy family relationships.

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And her upcoming book is The Balancing Act, Creating Healthy Dependency and Connection Without Losing Yourself.

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Welcome.

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I see you nodding here and you're nodding for both of them.

115

So what does that mean?

116

Yeah.

117

I mean, I think it's such a thin line between like what's appropriate and what's gone too far because as therapists,

118

we do see our clients suffering.

119

And as Lindsay mentioned, I don't say like you need to leave this relationship, but I might think like,

120

I wonder how you will feel if you did because there's so much pain for so long.

121

But you wrote, you wrote that no contact is not the first option as much as a last resort.

122

Yes.

123

Yeah.

124

Yes.

125

And when is it a last resort, do you think?

126

I think when you've assessed whether the relationship is safe, if you can handle the consequences of actually leaving that relationship,

127

it's our work to help our clients determine, is the relationship just toxic or is it annoying?

128

Are these some behaviors we can live with with people?

129

Is it possible for us to have less contact instead of no contact?

130

Have we set expectations?

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Are they even clear about a problem?

132

Because sometimes we haven't talked to people about the problems we're talking about in therapy or with our friends.

133

And they need to know in order for us to have a better relationship with them.

134

Thank you.

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为什么用这个视频练习口语？

这个视频围绕家庭关系这一贴近生活的话题展开，对话自然且富有深度，非常适合用来练习英语口语。其中涉及的情感表达、社会现象讨论等场景，能帮助你掌握日常交流中必备的表达技巧。通过看视频学英语，你不仅能积累实用词汇，还能学习如何清晰阐述复杂观点。尤其是对于英语影子跟读（shadowspeak 或 shadow speech）来说，视频中说话者的语速适中，语气起伏自然，是提升口语流畅度和语感的绝佳素材。坚持练习，你会发现自己在讨论情感、社会话题时更加得心应手。

语境中的语法与表达

视频中有不少值得学习的实用表达和语法结构：

“It's such a thin line between... and...”：用来表示“……和……之间的界限很模糊”，适用于讨论复杂关系。例如：“It's such a thin line between care and control.”（关心和控制之间的界限很模糊。）
“give way to”：意为“被……取代”，可用于描述社会变化。如视频中“旧观念被个人幸福的重视取代”，可仿写：“Traditional ways of communication have given way to digital tools.”（传统交流方式已被数字工具取代。）
“exacerbated by”：表示“被……加剧”，用于分析问题成因。比如：“The problem was exacerbated by lack of communication.”（问题因缺乏沟通而加剧。）

常见发音陷阱

视频中部分单词的发音需要注意：

estrangement：发音为/ɪˈstreɪndʒmənt/，注意“str”的连读和“ment”的轻读，避免读成“es-trange-ment”。
pathologized：/ˌpæθəˈlɑːdʒaɪzd/，重音在第二个音节，“th”发浊辅音/ð/，不要误读为“pæθ-ə-lə-dʒaɪzd”。
narcissist：/ˈnɑːrsɪsɪst/，注意“cis”的发音为/sɪs/，而非“kis”，避免读错。

跟着视频进行英语口语练习时，不妨多关注这些细节，模仿说话者的语调与节奏，逐步提升发音的准确性。

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
“used to” used to + 动词 — 过去的习惯或状态，现在已不再如此	used to be
现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事	there's always been · there's been · has given
被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的	been exacerbated · being cut · is sold

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: Finding Peace Through Family Estrangement - 通过视频学习英语口语

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为什么用这个视频练习口语？

语境中的语法与表达

常见发音陷阱

视频中的语法

什么是跟读法？