Shadowing Practice: The Secret to Fixing Your Adulthood - Learn English Speaking with Video
בחר מצב תרגול
כל מצב פותח חדר תרגול במסך מלא.
429 משפטים
אם המשפטים קצרים או ארוכים מדי, לחץ על ערוך כדי להתאים אותם.
1
At a particular age, you have to do a particular thing.
2
And once you learn how to do that thing, then you can move on.
3
And so we have a series of challenges in life.
4
And when we fail to do a thing, we actually become developmentally stuck.
5
And we have to sort of like fix that later in life.
6
So if you missed a childhood, is there an element of accepting that that's gone?
7
Absolutely.
8
But growing into healing can grow into loss
9
or growing into healing can grow into fullness
10
which from a simple standpoint is like what we call a corrective emotional experience in order to become an adult
11
you got to learn to let go of
12
that childhood you didn't get like you can't pick up adulthood
13
if you're still holding on to whatever
14
it was you missed as a kid falling through the cracks of what your parents missed as a kid
15
and i focus on this fault
16
because i feel like growing into healing is growing into loss
17
and losing that and it's interesting because
18
when i look back on my childhood i have two memories memories of what happened
19
and the memories of what should have happened.
20
And that keeps me from focusing on what's happening now.
21
Every decision I make, I'm still trying to merge those somehow and win whatever I lost when I was a kid.
22
And so now I live in this world that I don't enjoy
23
because I adopted this mindset of this incomplete little boy trying to travel back in time and fix whatever wasn't right.
24
How much easier would it be to just accept that part of
25
that was missed instead of putting my adult development on hold to wait around for it?
26
Because childhood is not a progress bar.
27
It's not task oriented.
28
It ends with age.
29
Whatever it was, it's what it was supposed to be.
30
It's not a new responsibility.
31
Something you got to go back and complete.
32
It's done.
33
You got to move away from that fault
34
because only then can you pick up who you're supposed to be as an adult.
35
So I love this because there's a lot of good stuff.
36
And there's a part of me that says, if you do what he says, you will end up the way that he is.
37
So we talk about acceptance.
38
There's lot of good stuff here right so like there's the childhood
39
that i had and there's the childhood that i should have
40
that growing into healing is growing into loss and accepting
41
that this is the way life is and i have to accept
42
that right my childhood is gone it'll never come back i will never have
43
that joy and if that's the path that you take this is the emotion
44
that you will end up with
45
because actually there's a fair amount of evidence from developmental psychology there's a lot of good stuff here
46
and i i respect this dude for making the poetry it's beautifully read you you know,
47
really taps into something that's amazing and tragic about the triumph of the human spirit.
48
And I think it's like kind of wrong.
49
If we look at developmental psychology, we learn a couple of really scary things.
50
That life actually is a progress bar.
51
And that if you just leave your childhood behind and you grow into an adult without that piece of childhood,
52
and this is what happens to so many people, you will be a sad adult.
53
You'll be an adult, but you'll be a sad adult.
54
And this is the real tricky thing, right?
55
Because we don't know how to reclaim that childhood.
56
And so we sort of resign ourselves to this adulthood without a childhood.
57
But I think that there's a lot of stuff.
58
And today we're going to talk about someone called Eric Erickson.
59
And Eric Erickson, I'm not trying to dunk on this guy, by the way.
60
I genuinely think he's onto something really good.
61
But I think it's poetry, right?
62
There's poetry and there's science.
63
And poetry speaks to the human experience and really taps into something that I think is very real.
64
But then there's the science of it.
65
So Eric Erickson comes along and he develops this theory.
66
And what he notices is that human beings have particular goals at certain stages of development.
67
At a particular age, you have to do a particular thing.
68
And once you learn how to do that thing, then you can move on.
69
And so we have a series of challenges in life.
70
And when we fail to do a thing, we actually become developmentally stuck.
71
And we have to sort of like fix that later in life.
72
So if you missed a childhood, is there an element of accepting that that's gone?
73
Absolutely.
74
But growing into healing can grow into loss or growing into healing can grow into fullness,
75
which from a simple standpoint is like what we call a corrective emotional experience, right?
76
So if you were never loved as a child, you have to accept that you were not loved as a child.
77
That's really healthy.
78
But that's not where it ends.
79
The real way to fix that is to be loved as an adult,
80
to be loved in the way that a child was loved as an adult, to be spoiled, to be indulgent.
81
And I think there are a couple of really good examples of this through Eric Erickson, which I think make a lot of sense.
82
Here is the progress bar of childhood.
83
When we're somewhere around three to six years old, we have this basic task of initiative versus guilt.
84
So what does this mean?
85
So when a child is like two, they don't have choices.
86
They can't demonstrate initiative.
87
They don't get to decide what we're doing today.
88
They don't get to control or steer their life at all.
89
But once we get to be about three, four, five, and six, that's when we can demonstrate initiative.
90
Hey, today I want to go to the zoo.
91
Or if we go to the zoo, I want to see the anacondas, not the tigers.
92
And a five -year -old can demonstrate, they can try to steer the car of their life in small ways.
93
And the way that people respond to that is really important.
94
Okay.
95
So when I want to do something, I want to see tigers or let's say I want to see snakes,
96
which means that I have an initiative.
97
And let's say that my parents have a phobia of snakes.
98
So they say, no, snakes are for Slytherins and we are Gryffindors.
99
This is bad.
100
How dare you like snakes?
101
So when a child demonstrates initiative, right?
102
So sometimes I'll see this with like, you know, boys who want to wear dresses or girls who want to play with trucks, right?
103
Or any number of things.
104
When you demonstrate initiative, does the world punish you for it or make you feel guilty?
105
And there's a certain amount of guilt that's kind of healthy.
106
Okay.
107
It's like, oh, you want to stay up till midnight?
108
Like you can't do that.
109
That is wrong.
110
Like this is right.
111
This is wrong.
112
So there's a certain amount that's healthy.
113
But basically you have some kids who grow up in environments where what they want is punished.
114
They're taught that you're selfish.
115
Your step sibling wants this.
116
You should give it to them.
117
You're so selfish.
118
Their desires, their wants, their needs, their initiative is met with punishment.
119
And then they start to feel guilty.
120
And unless they are supported enough, they will carry that forward into adulthood.
121
And the way this looks is as adults, their wants evoke guilt, right?
122
And you guys may have experienced this.
123
I shouldn't want this.
124
I'm being selfish.
125
Wanting something is selfish.
126
This kind of initiative is something that I feel bad about, right?
127
So these people will sometimes do punishment.
128
They will self -punish for initiative.
129
They will sometimes self -punish for relaxing because these are kids where their initiative was, hey, can I play with my friends?
130
They're like, no, how dare you?
131
You have to clean the house today.
132
So they carry these things forward.
133
They feel guilty for having wants.
134
And the way to fix this, like if you're someone who goes through life, like feeling fundamentally guilty for wanting stuff,
135
like you think like, oh my God, I'm such a selfish person for wanting to take a vacation by myself.
136
Such a selfish person for like wanting distance from my parents.
137
Such a selfish person for not wanting to spend my weekends taking care of my siblings, right?
138
Because people will guilt trip you to all hell.
139
That's one picture.
140
Another picture is self -punishment for initiative.
141
So you're someone who like, it's so scary because some people who are kind of stuck in life, right?
142
Like some people like life is happening to them.
143
They are the object.
144
It's like they're living life in passive voice.
145
Because in writing, people say like, don't use passive voice.
146
Alok is.
147
We should have Alok doing things.
148
Alok sits, right?
149
Not Alok is.
150
But some of us go through life being acted upon by life.
151
And if you're someone who's like frustrated with yourself and you say, we call this, oh, I have no motivation.
152
I have ADHD.
153
I have executive dysfunction.
154
Like those things can exist.
155
Yes.
156
But sometimes this is why I love therapy, psychotherapy.
157
This is why I love working with patients with ADHD, because it's not just executive dysfunction.
158
Sometimes it is, but most of the time it's not.
159
And if you pay attention to you being stuck, what you will find
160
If you're stuck, you have no motivation, you feel like life is happening to you.
161
Is that when you have an initiative, you punish yourself for it.
162
I keep seeing comments, Dr. K, how do I apply this to a situation in my life?
163
That's literally why we created a coaching program.
164
Our coaches are certified on an evidence -based curriculum designed to help you get unstuck.
165
This involves analyzing your patterns, increasing your understanding, and working with you week to week to help you develop a plan to create lasting change.
166
So if y 'all are interested, check out the link in the description below.
167
The best example of this is people who do not allow themselves to want what they believe they cannot have.
168
If you are someone who is numb and has no motivation, do you allow yourself to want the things that you cannot have?
169
Because the want is the motivation.
170
And oftentimes what we'll do is we'll protect ourselves from an
171
empty void of an unfilled desire by not allowing ourselves to want it in the first place.
172
But then you end up stuck.
173
And what's really scary about this is if you want to fix this, sure, there's a certain amount of mourning the loss that's really healthy.
174
Like the guy's not wrong, right?
175
So you have to accept that your parents didn't provide this for you.
176
They made you feel guilty, whatever.
177
But the real corrective action, this is what Erickson kind of taught us, is you have to fix those things as adults.
178
So when I'm working with patients who have these particular things, right?
179
So when a want evokes guilt.
180
The corrective action is helping this person understand wanting things and being selfish are not one in the same.
181
Just ask yourself, can I want things without being selfish?
182
Is it fundamentally selfish to want?
183
Because as long as those two things are tied together, you won't have that corrective experience, right?
184
Because what is the normal, what is the healthy version of a kid demonstrating initiative?
185
I want an ice cream.
186
And their parents are supportive of that.
187
They're not like, oh, my God, how dare you?
188
You know, your brother and sister is lactose intolerant.
189
And when you want ice cream, they can't have it.
190
And like you're making them feel terrible.
191
How dare you?
192
Whereas healthy parenting is like, look, you want ice cream?
193
OK, let's get you an ice cream.
194
It's hard for your brother or sister because they want ice cream too.
195
So then you can also talk to your brother or sister or at a minimum, let's take you out for ice cream.
196
Let mom and your brother or sister go do something.
197
They can go get French fries.
198
We're going to go get an ice cream.
199
All right, well, let's get them a cookie, whatever.
200
This is where like the corrective action is, is supporting those unmet needs, right?
201
It's okay to relax in terms of initiative.
202
Do you get punished historically?
203
Ask yourself this question.
204
Did you get punished for initiative?
205
Because if the answer is yes, you really need to take a look at that.
206
Can you allow yourself to want something that you may not be able to have?
207
And this is the tricky thing about that is like you have to have that first and then it hurts, right?
208
Because you can't get it and then you feel that loss.
209
But that loss is also motivation.
210
The want is motivation and the loss is motivation.
211
They took this away from me and I'm going to get it back.
212
This is the corrective emotional experience and life is a progress bar.
213
If you didn't pass a class when you were six, you need to pass it today.
214
We'll go over another example.
215
So the next stage is industry versus inferiority.
216
This is the point where someone develops competence as a skill, like they're competent in skills and pride in oneself, okay?
217
So here's like the healthy example.
218
I get a bad grade.
219
Teacher says, you can do better.
220
Let's do some extra homework and then we get a good grade.
221
What does a kid learn, right?
222
There are challenges in life.
223
There are times where I will do poorly, but doing poorly is not destiny.
224
That I have agency.
225
When things don't go my way, I can exert some amount of effort and I can change the outcome.
226
I have power in this world.
227
I can have pride in myself.
228
It also teaches something really important about the world.
229
When I slip up, the world is a place that will sometimes help me out.
230
So we gain faith in the world.
231
We gain faith in ourselves.
232
We gain agency.
233
We get pride.
234
We hopefully get some skills, acquisition and competence.
235
So let's look at the bad version.
236
I get a 95 on test and my parents say, what the hell is wrong with you?
237
Roshni Patel down the street got a 100.
238
So you got an A and you are a POS.
239
Industry versus inferiority.
240
So what I love about Erickson is that he combines things that we don't normally combine.
241
We think to ourselves, if I have low self -esteem, the goal is to feel better about myself.
242
Actually, Erickson has something different.
243
The antidote to inferiority is industry, not superiority, right?
244
And we have some really interesting data behind that because we know that people who feel superior,
245
I'm narcissistic, I'm arrogant, actually have an inferiority on the inside, right?
246
And this is something that we grapple with all the time in coaching
247
because people are coming in and they have no motivation.
248
They make comparisons.
249
And so you may think like low self -esteem, what's the antidote?
250
The antidote is actually industry.
251
It's getting them to do stuff and doing something, anything will affect their esteem.
252
So when we as children, when we do things, and even if we're successful,
253
if we're compared, comparison is like the number one thing that leads to problems with industry and inferiority, right?
254
So this is like all these gifted kids who are burnt out, people make comparisons.
255
We see this with like black sheep and golden child, right?
256
You got an A, you got a B, your brother, your sister got an A, like there's a smart one,
257
there's a stupid one, you're constantly made comparisons, you are not judged by your industry.
258
And then this too creates all kinds of problems in adulthood.
259
So this leads to a couple of problems, okay?
260
So in adulthood, when we do this, we are left with persistent feelings of inadequacy.
261
That's number one.
262
Next thing we do is sidestep challenges that can result in failure, right?
263
Because we don't, it's not about industry.
264
It's about being number one.
265
And if we can't be number one, we're not even going to try.
266
The most crippling is an identity that is based on achievement.
267
So this is the idea that your worth equals accomplishments.
268
In the moment that this happens, you're kind of like SOL.
269
This is where people like, so once you tie your worth to your accomplishments, you're screwed no matter what you do.
270
Because if your worth is tied to your accomplishments and you accomplish, you're terrified of losing that worth and that accomplishment down the road.
271
Even if you do well, and here's what's so painful about it, right?
272
So if your worth is tied to your accomplishments, what'll happen over time is you'll rise in society.
273
So you'll go to a community college, you'll do well you'll go to a four -year university.
274
Competition there is harder.
275
Then you'll go to graduate school.
276
Competition there is harder.
277
You're maybe moving up a tier in universities each step of the way.
278
This is why there's way more imposter syndrome at Harvard Medical School than there is at like Houston Community College.
279
So even though you're accomplishing a lot, you still feel terrified.
280
You'll have a lot of imposter syndrome.
281
And then the other really crippling thing is that that imposter syndrome, that anxiety, that concern, that sidestepping of challenges,
282
because you don't want to be number two.
283
You don't want to be number 100.
284
You don't see it as, you know, what do you call the person who graduates at the bottom of their class in medical school?
285
You call them doctor.
286
You don't see them that way.
287
You see it as this person is a loser.
288
I don't want to be that loser.
289
And then eventually that anxiety, that imposter syndrome, those things.
290
will predispose you to failure, right?
291
Because you've got a performance mindset instead of a growth mindset.
292
All these other fuckers have growth mindsets.
293
So when they get a B, they study harder.
294
They dig deep.
295
They believe in themselves.
296
The world helps them.
297
And I'm just panicking because I knew I was stupid.
298
I knew I didn't belong.
299
Oh my God, it's true.
300
This is the beginning of the end.
301
And then I panic.
302
And then once I panic, the decay happens.
303
The tumbling of the rocks, the avalanche has now started, right?
304
Because I'm building this thing up.
305
I'm trying to keep it together, keep it together, keep it together, but it's not sustainable.
306
I'm burning out.
307
I feel like an imposter.
308
And then everything comes crashing down like I knew it would.
309
And now I have a bigger problem, which is that I was, I knew I was going to fuck it up and I was right.
310
GG.
311
But where does this come from?
312
It comes from industry versus inferiority.
313
And this is part of the progress bar of childhood.
314
And if you do not beat this stage, this will carry forward as an adult.
315
And so how do you fix this? my favorite thing to do is to have people demonstrate competence in isolation.
316
This is all fueled by comparison for the most part.
317
So when you start doing things and being proud of yourself, when you see the worth in yourself by doing something
318
that you set out to do and has nothing to do with anybody else, I'm going to plant a garden.
319
I'm going to write a book, not write a bestseller, just write a book.
320
This is a goal that I have.
321
I'm going to climb this mountain.
322
I'm going to hike the Appalachian Trail.
323
You got to start doing stuff.
324
The antidote to inferiority is industry, not superiority, not even self -esteem.
325
It's doing things, doing things where no one can see.
326
And when you feel pride from in here for what you have done, you will carry that pride forward.
327
Then what'll happen is you'll have that pride in here when things don't go your way in the real world, because that happens eventually.
328
And that will be the buffer.
329
Then you've solved that problem, right?
330
It goes back to the kid who got a B, worked hard, got an A.
331
Now they believe in themselves and you had all these setbacks
332
and now you conquered those things
333
so now you believe in yourself life is a progress bar
334
so at the end of the day i think
335
this is one of those things where like there's the childhood you had
336
and the childhood you should have had
337
and is one of those needing to be grieved absolutely but
338
if you stop at grief like you're just going to be
339
left sad what a lot of the camp of developmental psychology
340
that i subscribe to right so this isn't i'm not the speaker of truth teaches us
341
and i think this is just like works so much better is reclaim your childhood.
342
Be a kid.
343
It's amazing.
344
I strongly recommend it.
345
If you were denied a childhood the solution,
346
sure, there's a certain amount of grief and a certain amount of blame and a certain amount of letting things go.
347
But also, like, if you have a romantic relationship, let them spoil you.
348
This is something that multiple people have told me about, but I've never heard talked about, which is the healthy infantilization in romantic relationships.
349
And it's something it blows my mind.
350
I've talked to half a dozen people who do this called baby voice.
351
It's not like they got together and communicated.
352
I've never heard this talked about.
353
It's baby voice that in romantic relationships that are secure, one of the partners, this isn't like diaper fetish or something like that.
354
Like one of the partners will become a child and will adopt a voice.
355
And then somebody like their partner will like take care of them as a parent, right?
356
It's so weird.
357
Like I've heard this from half a dozen people at this point.
358
And I'm curious, do you guys do baby voice?
359
Yeah.
360
See, this is what I'm talking like.
361
Oh, most people think, what are you talking about?
362
And some people like yeah we both did it i love baby talking like this is
363
so weird one of my exes yes and pass both me
364
and my man okay see this is the really interesting thing yes
365
this is me this is like no one talks about baby voice
366
and people are like this is i love this
367
because this is this was how i felt about it some people like this is disgusting
368
i hate this other people like yeah
369
we do it it's awesome freaks me out yes to my longtime girlfriend
370
i find it cringe it's not like a particular kind it's like i'm gonna be a whiny little bitch
371
and i want you to take care of me I don't think it's goo goo ga ga.
372
It's not like baby baby.
373
It's like I'm going to infantilize myself and you are going to support that infantilization.
374
Right.
375
And what we know from psychiatry is like basically in therapy, sometimes we try to provide these corrective emotional experiences, but we don't do this.
376
The thing is corrective emotional experience.
377
The emotional experience is what's important.
378
We do it a particular way in a LARP injury.
379
A LARP injury for that long chat, dude.
380
Hi, my name is Alok in my free time i larp as a parent for my romantic partners yeah
381
so this is great so i used to find it cringe
382
but i found my girl
383
and now i can't stop doing it this is such a good comment okay
384
so here's what i i piece together about baby voice
385
it is cringe until you enter this weird uncharted territory of like emotional safety
386
and then once you enter that territory it like is what's the word, fulfilling.
387
And some people are even asking, isn't that a normal part of a relationship?
388
I don't think so.
389
Maybe a normal part of really healthy relationships.
390
I actually believe this.
391
We don't, no, see, it's not acting like a baby.
392
So this is not a nut that I've cracked yet, okay?
393
You don't act like a baby.
394
It's not an act.
395
You become infantilized and your partner accepts
396
You in that infantilized state
397
which then makes you feel like really accepted i mean i've seen like unhealthy versions of this
398
which is like more what people think right
399
which is like oh it's like this kid has like some scat fetish
400
or some diaper
401
or whatever you're not like sucking your thumb it's like i'm going to signal to you
402
that i need to be taken care of in a very
403
and we have a certain template for this right
404
which is like i'm gonna be a baby it can be cringe
405
there's like an organic development of this kind of thing
406
and then there's like the cringe imposing of this thing right
407
so like when i'm texting you on a dating app
408
and i'm like that's cringe this comes out of a hell
409
it like grows it's like a truffle like you can't farm it you can't create it
410
but in the right circumstances if you sniff around for a
411
while you're gonna find it it's so fascinating to me i gotta i gotta see
412
if there's any let's see see look 1996 talk to me baby oh my god dude brooks publishing.
413
Let us plumb the depths of the internet chat.
414
Studied most extensively as it is spoken by mothers to infants, but without attention is possible role.
415
We suggest that baby talk plays such a role.
416
No, this is about baby.
417
Oh, wait, wait, which is the first empirical documentation that baby talk occurs in adult romances and friendships.
418
Yeah, look, individuals who had baby talk to friends
419
or romantic partners tended to be more secure and less avoidant with regard to attachments in general.
420
Within a particular romantic relationship, indicators of intimacy and attachment accounted for about 22 % of the variance at baby talk frequency.
421
Oh, so partners baby talking was the strongest predictor accounting for about 42 % of the variance.
422
That's really interesting.
423
That means that if your partner baby talks, that's the strongest influence in you baby talking.
424
I love exploring this stuff, but it's like, it's hard because it's not, it's not like a term.
425
Thanks for watching.
426
A lot of people who struggle with an unfulfilling childhood carry around a lot of shame.
427
To help people overcome this, we have a great two hour lecture on our website about understanding shame.
428
We get into how it shapes you in both positive and negative ways.
429
So check out the link in the description below and start your free trial.
הורד אפליקציה
כל מה שאתה צריך כדי לדבר בשטף
הגיית AIציון לכל משפט
תרגול IPAשלוט בכל צליל
אוצר מיליםבנה את מאגר המילים שלך
משחק אוצר מיליםלמד תוך כדי משחק
אותו ערוץ
B21
The Best Solution to Video Game Addiction
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C11
Why Therapy Sucks For Men
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
Your Imagination Won't Fix Your Life
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B21
What Makes ADHD in Women Different
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B24
Happiness is a Skill (And You’re Missing It)
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C18
Discussing My Beliefs.. (Nihilism)
Daily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
A Guide To Living Without Regret (Using Science)
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B12
Is gaming a form of art?
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B25
Psychiatrist Explains Why You Feel Tired All The Time (No Matter What You Do...)
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
Why Overthinkers Make No Progress (Rumination)
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
How To ACTUALLY Stay Mentally Healthy
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C1Why Being the Most Reliable Person Is Ruining You
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C1Self Loathing Man of Inaction
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C1We Need To Talk About Ozempic
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B1What Makes A Relationship Great?
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
FOR YOU
המלץ על סרטון
C11
246 משפטים
Why Life Feels Boring (And Skyrim Doesn’t)
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
167 משפטים
Mental Debugging: How to Build Resilience After Failure
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
100 משפטים
Epictetus' Secret to Breaking Bad Habits
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
142 משפטים
Your Parents Didn't Have Everything Figured Out Either | B2 English Shadowing
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
125 משפטים
When Cartoon Characters Tried To tell Us Something...
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C1816 משפטים
Harvard Psychiatrist: 90% of Criticism is Just Projection | Dr. K
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
214 משפטים
a warning for high achievers
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B211
317 משפטים
Be Gentle With Yourself, Heal Your Inner Child | Learn English Podcast | Intermediate
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
207 משפטים
Tips on What to do When You're Feeling Like a Failure (Storytime)
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
121 משפטים
What 30 Years in the "Real World" Taught Me About Happiness
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C15
262 משפטים
How Judgment Holds You Back (and How to Let Go)
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה C1 מבוסס על הסרטון “The Secret to Fixing Your Adulthood”. בסרטון הזה יש 429 משפטים ו-4581 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 22:02. הדובר מדבר מהר, כ-208 מילים בדקה, אז צפו לצלילים מחוברים ומקוצרים. 85% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| punish פועל | /ˈpʌnɪʃ/ | הֶעֱנִישׁ |
| impostor שם עצם | /ɪmˈpɑstɚ/ | מתחזה |
| adulthood שם עצם | בַּגְרוּת | |
| competence שם עצם | /ˈkɑm.pə.təns/ | יכולת, סמכות |
| reclaim פועל | /ɹɪˈkleɪm/ | תָּבַע בַּחֲזָרָה |
| sibling שם עצם | /ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/ | אַחַאי |
| steer פועל | /stɪɹ/ | נוהג, נוהג ב־ |
| fundamentally תואר הפועל | עֶקְרוֹנִית | |
| spoil שם עצם | /spɔɪl/ | שָׁלָל |
| tricky שם תואר | /ˈtɹɪk.i/ | טְרִיקִי |
| loser שם עצם | /luzɚ/ | מַפְסִידָן, לווּזֶר |
| grief שם עצם | /ɡɹiːf/ | אֵבֶל |
| certify פועל | /ˈsɜː.tɪ.faɪ/ | וידא |
| frustrate פועל | /ˈfɹʌsˌtɹeɪt/ | תִּסְכֵּל |
| psychiatry שם עצם | /saɪˈkaɪ.əˌtɹi/ | פְּסִיכִיאַטְרְיָה |
Phrasal verbs שתשמעו
| מילה | משמעות |
|---|---|
| check out פועל | בדק |
| pick up פועל | הרים, אסף |
| come back פועל | שָׁב |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- How dare you like snakes?
- It's like, oh, you want to stay up till midnight?
- They're like, no, how dare you?
- Do you get punished historically?
- Did you get punished for initiative?
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | was missed · were never loved · be loved |
| משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר | kids who grow · someone who goes · someone who like |
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | has now started · have done · you've solved |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-123 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו I'm, don't, you're. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “th”: unhealthy /ʌnˈhɛl.θi/, thumb /ˈθʌm/
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, accomplishment /əˈkɑm.plɪʃ.mənt/, dysfunction /dɪsˈfʌŋk.ʃən/, fetish /ˈfɛt.ɪʃ/, documentation /ˌdɑkjəmɛnˈteɪʃən/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: accomplishment /əˈkɑm.plɪʃ.mənt/, developmental /dɪˌvɛləpˈmɛntəl/, infantilize /ɪnˈfæn.tɪ.laɪz/, superiority /sʊˌpɪə(ɹ).iˈɒ.ɹɪ.ti/, psychiatry /saɪˈkaɪ.əˌtɹi/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: antidote /ˈæn.tɪ.doʊt/, infantilize /ɪnˈfæn.tɪ.laɪz/, variance /ˈvæɹ.i.əns/, standpoint /ˈstændpɔɪnt/, passive /ˈpæs.ɪv/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: corrective /kəˈɹɛktɪv/, reclaim /ɹɪˈkleɪm/, terrify /ˈtɛɹɪfaɪ/, variance /ˈvæɹ.i.əns/, superiority /sʊˌpɪə(ɹ).iˈɒ.ɹɪ.ti/
- /ŋ/ בסוף מילה — צליל אפי בלי “ג” בסוף: sibling /ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/, mourning /ˈmoɹnɪŋ/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו punish, impostor, adulthood.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.