शैडोइंग अभ्यास: Poor Communicator or The Silent Treatment? How to Deal With It - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

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144 वाक्य

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Have you ever been in a relationship where every time you have a conflict,

even a small one, the other person just shuts down and doesn't wanna talk?

How do you deal with that?

That's what I'm talking about today.

I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education and self -improvement videos.

Today's video is based on a viewer question from Boss Kitty, and she said, I'm here for the advice.

My boyfriend and I just started, four months, and he doesn't know how to express himself emotionally or have a conversation concerning our relationship.

Every time I tell him his absence to our talks affects me and we need to talk about it,

he blows up and gets angry and so on, which leads me to silence and soak in all my concerns.

It's difficult.

I also suffer with depression and I deal with it fine on my own.

Now I have to develop ways to deal with this and not show it in my face.

Please tell me how to deal with this.

Thank you.

Thank you Boss Kitty for this question.

There's a few things going on with this situation.

You have a boyfriend who doesn't wanna talk and it sounds like he doesn't wanna talk

when you talk about things like your relationship and then when you try and press him on it, he gets angry.

His anger makes you withdraw and silently deal with your pain.

The first thing you need to do is figure out is his lack of talking about the relationship

because he's not a good communicator or is it because he just doesn't want to talk about it every time you ask?

I'm assuming that you're not asking him every day, are we okay?

Because no one wants to be badgered about the state of the relationship

because the person on the receiving end can feel like they're always having to reassure you.

And some reassurance can work at first, but after a while, it gets old,

and he can get tired of always needing to build you up and make you feel secure.

If this is the case, the solution would be to find different ways to build yourself up and boost your self -confidence.

But I'm going to assume that that's not the issue here.

Another possibility is that your boyfriend is not a good communicator.

So if you start getting too deep with him, he may not know how to express his feelings very well.

If you keep trying to get him to tell you more about how he feels, he can get defensive and feel attacked

and then he can attack back with mean comments in response to having his vulnerabilities exposed.

How would you know if this was the case?

How much does he talk about other things?

How good is he at talking about how he feels about something?

It's one thing to be able to give an observation of a situation because then you can just list the facts,

but it goes to another level to talk about how a situation affects you emotionally and your opinions about it.

Some people aren't good at identifying how they feel about something

so they may relate a story without any secondary level of detail.

If that's how he communicates he's going to struggle when you're

when you start talking about your relationship

because your relationship isn't just a series of facts it's the abstract concept of your connectedness.

So one thing you can do in this situation is to

ask him more open -ended questions like how do you feel about that?

What are your thoughts about that?

Or how would you handle that?

Open -ended questions require more than a one -word answer

and the person who isn't good at communicating but is willing to communicate if you help will try and answer those questions.

You can get him in the mode of answering more open -ended questions with you

and then at some point it may get easier for him to answer more open -ended questions about your relationship.

Here's an example.

You You go to a barbecue together and you're on your way back home in the car and he says, I like that, that was nice.

You can say, what did you like about it most?

He says, I don't know, it was just good.

You know, it was a good time.

You don't wanna jump in and say, well what specifically was good?

I enjoyed it too, but you can't tell me what you liked about it?

That's the quickest way to get him to shut down

and not wanna say anything because essentially you're pointing out the problem

that he probably knows he has at some level that he doesn't have a lot to say.

Instead give him an example of how you were wanting him to answer the question.

So he says it was a good time.

You say I really like the ribs

and I thought they did a good job of making everyone feel comfortable by having us play games and things.

These details may trigger him to to add his own details.

So he may say, yeah, those were some good ribs, and it was nice that they had stuff to do.

I don't like just sitting around at people's house and eating.

Do that several times.

You ask for details, he gives you a basic answer without details, you add your own details.

He may learn to anticipate what you're asking him

when you ask for something and he may get better at giving more details and having more to say.

If he gets more comfortable talking about generic things, he may then get better about talking about emotional things like your relationship.

So this is just a basic example and I'm making a lot of assumptions here about why he won't talk.

Of course, there are more specific reasons that have to do with things like

if you're pressuring him to do something that he doesn't wanna do, like be exclusive or move in or get married.

Those could be reasons why he doesn't wanna have the relationship talk.

Now, it's one thing not to talk because you're a poor communicator, but it's another thing entirely,

to be good at communicating but just choose not to.

One reason a person may do this is when they're giving you the silent treatment.

You usually see this in the setting of an argument or if you didn't do something that he wanted you to do.

The silent treatment is a passive -aggressive way of showing anger and punishing you.

The person refuses to talk to you.

Now this doesn't mean literally mean that he's ignoring you.

Instead you may get one one -word answers to questions.

The answers lack detail because he doesn't want to talk to you about it.

Also, he doesn't initiate any conversation until the period is over.

So the only time he talks is when he's answering a question from you and then it's super brief.

If you ask him, is everything okay?

He says, yeah, I'm fine.

When he's in this state, if you press for more details, he may lash out at you just to get you to shut up.

That's clearly different from the person who lashes out

because you're pressing him too hard to say things when he has nothing to say.

If your boyfriend is a silent treatment person, you have a bigger problem, I'm sorry to say,

because the silent treatment is a way for the person to punish you by shaming you or withholding validation from you.

An example of that may be that you have a fight about something, he gets mad and yells or says something mean.

That's not the silent treatment yet then you recognize your part in the fight and you apologize.

He knows you want to either hear him apologize or tell you it's okay and then everything will be alright,

but he purposely withholds that assurance so that you can go a while feeling uncomfortable and maybe insecure about the relationship.

You're naturally going to worry about how long he's going to be angry at you.

100

So he He then withdraws and doesn't talk for a while, leaving you to fret about the state of the relationship.

101

How do you handle this?

102

Well, you can't pull him out of the silence.

103

If he's using the silence to punish you, he's not gonna stop until he's satisfied that you've been shamed enough

104

or that he's extracted enough pain from you or taught you the lesson that he's trying to teach you.

105

So I think the best thing that you can do is ignore him when he's doing this.

106

Step away from the situation and get your composure.

107

This also gives him a chance to cool down if he's angry.

108

Some people who do this need the mental space to work through their emotions on their own.

109

And there's nothing wrong with needing some distance when you're hurting or angry.

110

The passive aggressive part of this is when he doesn't acknowledge

111

that he's responding to hurt and he gives the appearance that everything is fine even though he's acting like you don't exist.

112

Then, while you're away from the situation, do things to take care of yourself emotionally.

113

That is, do things that soothe you.

114

This could be talking to a friend, or going for a walk, or watching a movie.

115

If you appear unfazed by his silence,

116

chances are he'll break the silence sooner than he otherwise would because it's not having the desired effect.

117

Then, when he comes out of the silence, that's when you address whatever issue you were needing to discuss.

118

You're not gonna get very far by calling him out on the silent treatment

119

because he can just act like he doesn't know what you're talking about.

120

And that's the beauty of passive aggression.

121

Passive aggression gives the appearance of right doing

122

or compliance with the covert negative behavior on the back end that's harder to see.

123

So in this case, on the front end, he's saying everything's good

124

but I don't know why you keep asking all these questions.

125

I said no, but on the back end,

126

he's only talking to you if you talk to him and giving bare minimum answers with little to no detail.

127

knowing that you want more details and back and forth conversation with him.

128

But here's the last point, and this is the reason I say that this is a bigger problem than just not talking.

129

Even if you win by getting him to break the silence by ignoring him,

130

you don't gain much because he'll find another way to get the same effect of punishing you when he's angry,

131

and that's the issue that has to be addressed, the need to punish you.

132

Some people believe that if you don't validate them in some way you deserve punishment and that punishment can take different forms.

133

This kind of toxic behavior is hard to change but it can change if the person is ready to do some work.

134

I did a video on 10 signs of a toxic relationship

135

and I guess this would be number 11 but

136

if you want to see more toxic behaviors and ways that you can deal with them you can watch that video here.

137

If you watch my channel a lot, you'll see that this is a little different from my usual teaching about psychiatric illnesses.

138

But mental health is broader than illnesses.

139

Beneath the illness is still the need to relate to people.

140

I really believe that relationships are the true currency because at the end of the day that's all we have left, relationships.

141

And your individual mental well -being is a building block for how you function in the world.

142

So that's how this all comes together, becoming the best that you can be has a trickle -down effect.

143

So let's just keep pushing forward for the quest for self -improvement at every level.

144

See you next time.

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इस पाठ की शब्दावली और बोलने के सुझाव

यह स्पीकिंग पाठ वीडियो “Poor Communicator or The Silent Treatment? How to Deal With It” पर आधारित है। सबसे ज़्यादा दोहराए गए शब्द ये हैं: relationship, detail, answer। इस वीडियो में शैडोइंग के लिए 144 वाक्य और 2030 शब्द हैं। बोला गया हिस्सा 11:25 लंबा है। वक्ता लगभग 178 शब्द प्रति मिनट की स्वाभाविक गति से बोलता है, जो रोज़मर्रा की बातचीत के करीब है। 89% शब्द अंग्रेज़ी के 3,000 सबसे आम शब्दों में से हैं, इसलिए शब्दावली आसान है।

इस वीडियो की मुख्य शब्दावली

वीडियो के 15 सीखने लायक शब्द, उच्चारण और अर्थ के साथ:

शब्द	उच्चारण	अर्थ
silence संज्ञा	/ˈsaɪ̯ləns/	शांति, सन्नाटा
silent विशेषण	/ˈsaɪ̯lənt/	चुप, ख़ामोश
punish क्रिया	/ˈpʌnɪʃ/	सज़ा देना
passive विशेषण	/ˈpæs.ɪv/	निष्क्रिय
ignore क्रिया	/ɪɡˈnɔː/	उपेक्षा, उपेक्षा करना
illness संज्ञा	/ˈɪl.nəs/	रोग, बीमारी
toxic विशेषण	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	विषाक्त
anger संज्ञा	/ˈæŋɡə/	क्रोध, ग़ुस्सा
punishment संज्ञा	/ˈpʌnɪʃmənt/	सज़ा, दण्ड
aggressive विशेषण	/əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/	आक्रमणकारक, जंगी
apologize क्रिया	/əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/	क्षमा मांगना, माफ़ी माँगना
rib संज्ञा	/ɹɪb/	पसली
lesson संज्ञा	/ˈlɛs.ən/	पाठ, सबक़
refuse क्रिया	/ɹɪˈfjuːz/	अस्वीकार करना, अस्वीकारना
currency संज्ञा	/ˈkʌɹ.ən.si/	मुद्रा, करंसी

वीडियो में आने वाली फ़्रेज़ल वर्ब

शब्द	उच्चारण	अर्थ
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	चुप रहो!, चुप रह!

दोहराने लायक वाक्य

वीडियो के छोटे, पूरे वाक्य जिन्हें आप रोज़ की बातचीत में इस्तेमाल कर सकते हैं:

How do you deal with that?
How would you know if this was the case?
What are your thoughts about that?
You don't wanna jump in and say, well what specifically was good?
If you ask him, is everything okay?

इस वीडियो का व्याकरण

वक्ता जिन संरचनाओं का सबसे अधिक प्रयोग करता है, वीडियो के असली शब्दों के साथ:

संरचना	वीडियो में
शर्त वाले वाक्य if + उपवाक्य, will/would + क्रिया — शर्त और उसका नतीजा	if you help will try
Passive voice be + past participle — ज़ोर इस पर कि क्या होता है, न कि कौन करता है	is based · be badgered · you've been shamed
Present perfect have/has + past participle — बीता हुआ काम जिसका असर अभी भी है	Have you ever been · you've been shamed · have left
Relative clauses who / which + उपवाक्य — व्यक्ति या वस्तु के बारे में अतिरिक्त जानकारी	person who isn · person who lashes · people who do

ध्यान देने योग्य उच्चारण

वक्ता 64 बार संक्षिप्त रूपों का प्रयोग करता है, जैसे doesn't, you're, I'm। इन्हें वैसे ही छोटा बोलें जैसा आप सुनते हैं।

“th” की ध्वनियाँ: withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/, beneath /bɪˈniːθ/, withhold /wɪθˈhoʊld/, soothe /suːð/
“sh” और “zh” की ध्वनियाँ: punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, punishment /ˈpʌnɪʃmənt/, aggression /əˈɡɹɛʃən/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/
लंबे शब्द — बलाघात सही रखें: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/

हिंदी भाषियों के लिए मुश्किल ध्वनियाँ:

/v/ और /w/ का फ़र्क़ — /v/ में ऊपर के दाँत निचले होंठ को छूते हैं, /w/ में होंठ गोल होते हैं: passive /ˈpæs.ɪv/, aggressive /əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/, withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/, defensive /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/, quest /kwɛst/
/z/ — इसे “ज” (/dʒ/) न बनाएँ: apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, refuse /ɹɪˈfjuːz/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/, expose /ɪkˈspoʊz/, unfazed /ʌnˈfeɪzd/
/æ/ — “ऐ” से ज़्यादा खुला: passive /ˈpæs.ɪv/, anger /ˈæŋɡə/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, absence /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/, abstract /ˈæbˌstɹækt/

इस वीडियो से अभ्यास कैसे करें

पहले बिना बोले पूरा वीडियो एक बार सुनें और जो शब्द नहीं आते उन्हें लिख लें।
0.75× गति से शुरू करें, एक-एक वाक्य की शैडोइंग करें, और सहज लगने पर सामान्य गति पर लौटें।
अपनी आवाज़ रिकॉर्ड करें और मूल से तुलना करें, ख़ासकर silence, silent, punish जैसे शब्दों पर ध्यान दें।

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?

शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।

शैडोइंग तकनीक: पूरी चरण-दर-चरण गाइड पढ़ें →

शैडोइंग अभ्यास: Poor Communicator or The Silent Treatment? How to Deal With It - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें

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इस पाठ की शब्दावली और बोलने के सुझाव

इस वीडियो की मुख्य शब्दावली

वीडियो में आने वाली फ़्रेज़ल वर्ब

दोहराने लायक वाक्य

इस वीडियो का व्याकरण

ध्यान देने योग्य उच्चारण

इस वीडियो से अभ्यास कैसे करें

शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?