쉐도잉 연습: Poor Communicator or The Silent Treatment? How to Deal With It - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

연습 모드 선택

각 모드는 전체 화면 연습실로 열립니다.

144 문장

문장이 너무 짧거나 길면 Edit를 눌러 조정하세요.

Have you ever been in a relationship where every time you have a conflict,

even a small one, the other person just shuts down and doesn't wanna talk?

How do you deal with that?

That's what I'm talking about today.

I'm Dr. Tracy Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education and self -improvement videos.

Today's video is based on a viewer question from Boss Kitty, and she said, I'm here for the advice.

My boyfriend and I just started, four months, and he doesn't know how to express himself emotionally or have a conversation concerning our relationship.

Every time I tell him his absence to our talks affects me and we need to talk about it,

he blows up and gets angry and so on, which leads me to silence and soak in all my concerns.

It's difficult.

I also suffer with depression and I deal with it fine on my own.

Now I have to develop ways to deal with this and not show it in my face.

Please tell me how to deal with this.

Thank you.

Thank you Boss Kitty for this question.

There's a few things going on with this situation.

You have a boyfriend who doesn't wanna talk and it sounds like he doesn't wanna talk

when you talk about things like your relationship and then when you try and press him on it, he gets angry.

His anger makes you withdraw and silently deal with your pain.

The first thing you need to do is figure out is his lack of talking about the relationship

because he's not a good communicator or is it because he just doesn't want to talk about it every time you ask?

I'm assuming that you're not asking him every day, are we okay?

Because no one wants to be badgered about the state of the relationship

because the person on the receiving end can feel like they're always having to reassure you.

And some reassurance can work at first, but after a while, it gets old,

and he can get tired of always needing to build you up and make you feel secure.

If this is the case, the solution would be to find different ways to build yourself up and boost your self -confidence.

But I'm going to assume that that's not the issue here.

Another possibility is that your boyfriend is not a good communicator.

So if you start getting too deep with him, he may not know how to express his feelings very well.

If you keep trying to get him to tell you more about how he feels, he can get defensive and feel attacked

and then he can attack back with mean comments in response to having his vulnerabilities exposed.

How would you know if this was the case?

How much does he talk about other things?

How good is he at talking about how he feels about something?

It's one thing to be able to give an observation of a situation because then you can just list the facts,

but it goes to another level to talk about how a situation affects you emotionally and your opinions about it.

Some people aren't good at identifying how they feel about something

so they may relate a story without any secondary level of detail.

If that's how he communicates he's going to struggle when you're

when you start talking about your relationship

because your relationship isn't just a series of facts it's the abstract concept of your connectedness.

So one thing you can do in this situation is to

ask him more open -ended questions like how do you feel about that?

What are your thoughts about that?

Or how would you handle that?

Open -ended questions require more than a one -word answer

and the person who isn't good at communicating but is willing to communicate if you help will try and answer those questions.

You can get him in the mode of answering more open -ended questions with you

and then at some point it may get easier for him to answer more open -ended questions about your relationship.

Here's an example.

You You go to a barbecue together and you're on your way back home in the car and he says, I like that, that was nice.

You can say, what did you like about it most?

He says, I don't know, it was just good.

You know, it was a good time.

You don't wanna jump in and say, well what specifically was good?

I enjoyed it too, but you can't tell me what you liked about it?

That's the quickest way to get him to shut down

and not wanna say anything because essentially you're pointing out the problem

that he probably knows he has at some level that he doesn't have a lot to say.

Instead give him an example of how you were wanting him to answer the question.

So he says it was a good time.

You say I really like the ribs

and I thought they did a good job of making everyone feel comfortable by having us play games and things.

These details may trigger him to to add his own details.

So he may say, yeah, those were some good ribs, and it was nice that they had stuff to do.

I don't like just sitting around at people's house and eating.

Do that several times.

You ask for details, he gives you a basic answer without details, you add your own details.

He may learn to anticipate what you're asking him

when you ask for something and he may get better at giving more details and having more to say.

If he gets more comfortable talking about generic things, he may then get better about talking about emotional things like your relationship.

So this is just a basic example and I'm making a lot of assumptions here about why he won't talk.

Of course, there are more specific reasons that have to do with things like

if you're pressuring him to do something that he doesn't wanna do, like be exclusive or move in or get married.

Those could be reasons why he doesn't wanna have the relationship talk.

Now, it's one thing not to talk because you're a poor communicator, but it's another thing entirely,

to be good at communicating but just choose not to.

One reason a person may do this is when they're giving you the silent treatment.

You usually see this in the setting of an argument or if you didn't do something that he wanted you to do.

The silent treatment is a passive -aggressive way of showing anger and punishing you.

The person refuses to talk to you.

Now this doesn't mean literally mean that he's ignoring you.

Instead you may get one one -word answers to questions.

The answers lack detail because he doesn't want to talk to you about it.

Also, he doesn't initiate any conversation until the period is over.

So the only time he talks is when he's answering a question from you and then it's super brief.

If you ask him, is everything okay?

He says, yeah, I'm fine.

When he's in this state, if you press for more details, he may lash out at you just to get you to shut up.

That's clearly different from the person who lashes out

because you're pressing him too hard to say things when he has nothing to say.

If your boyfriend is a silent treatment person, you have a bigger problem, I'm sorry to say,

because the silent treatment is a way for the person to punish you by shaming you or withholding validation from you.

An example of that may be that you have a fight about something, he gets mad and yells or says something mean.

That's not the silent treatment yet then you recognize your part in the fight and you apologize.

He knows you want to either hear him apologize or tell you it's okay and then everything will be alright,

but he purposely withholds that assurance so that you can go a while feeling uncomfortable and maybe insecure about the relationship.

You're naturally going to worry about how long he's going to be angry at you.

100

So he He then withdraws and doesn't talk for a while, leaving you to fret about the state of the relationship.

101

How do you handle this?

102

Well, you can't pull him out of the silence.

103

If he's using the silence to punish you, he's not gonna stop until he's satisfied that you've been shamed enough

104

or that he's extracted enough pain from you or taught you the lesson that he's trying to teach you.

105

So I think the best thing that you can do is ignore him when he's doing this.

106

Step away from the situation and get your composure.

107

This also gives him a chance to cool down if he's angry.

108

Some people who do this need the mental space to work through their emotions on their own.

109

And there's nothing wrong with needing some distance when you're hurting or angry.

110

The passive aggressive part of this is when he doesn't acknowledge

111

that he's responding to hurt and he gives the appearance that everything is fine even though he's acting like you don't exist.

112

Then, while you're away from the situation, do things to take care of yourself emotionally.

113

That is, do things that soothe you.

114

This could be talking to a friend, or going for a walk, or watching a movie.

115

If you appear unfazed by his silence,

116

chances are he'll break the silence sooner than he otherwise would because it's not having the desired effect.

117

Then, when he comes out of the silence, that's when you address whatever issue you were needing to discuss.

118

You're not gonna get very far by calling him out on the silent treatment

119

because he can just act like he doesn't know what you're talking about.

120

And that's the beauty of passive aggression.

121

Passive aggression gives the appearance of right doing

122

or compliance with the covert negative behavior on the back end that's harder to see.

123

So in this case, on the front end, he's saying everything's good

124

but I don't know why you keep asking all these questions.

125

I said no, but on the back end,

126

he's only talking to you if you talk to him and giving bare minimum answers with little to no detail.

127

knowing that you want more details and back and forth conversation with him.

128

But here's the last point, and this is the reason I say that this is a bigger problem than just not talking.

129

Even if you win by getting him to break the silence by ignoring him,

130

you don't gain much because he'll find another way to get the same effect of punishing you when he's angry,

131

and that's the issue that has to be addressed, the need to punish you.

132

Some people believe that if you don't validate them in some way you deserve punishment and that punishment can take different forms.

133

This kind of toxic behavior is hard to change but it can change if the person is ready to do some work.

134

I did a video on 10 signs of a toxic relationship

135

and I guess this would be number 11 but

136

if you want to see more toxic behaviors and ways that you can deal with them you can watch that video here.

137

If you watch my channel a lot, you'll see that this is a little different from my usual teaching about psychiatric illnesses.

138

But mental health is broader than illnesses.

139

Beneath the illness is still the need to relate to people.

140

I really believe that relationships are the true currency because at the end of the day that's all we have left, relationships.

141

And your individual mental well -being is a building block for how you function in the world.

142

So that's how this all comes together, becoming the best that you can be has a trickle -down effect.

143

So let's just keep pushing forward for the quest for self -improvement at every level.

144

See you next time.

앱 다운로드

유창하게 말하는 데 필요한 모든 것

AI 발음 평가문장마다 점수 확인

IPA 발음 연습모든 소리 마스터

단어 학습나만의 단어장 만들기

단어 게임놀면서 외우기

QR 스캔

Download on theApp Store Get it onGoogle Play

같은 채널

FOR YOU

이 레슨의 어휘와 말하기 포인트

이 말하기 레슨은 영상 “Poor Communicator or The Silent Treatment? How to Deal With It”을(를) 바탕으로 합니다. 가장 자주 반복되는 단어는 다음과 같습니다: relationship, detail, answer. 이 영상에는 섀도잉할 문장 144개와 단어 2030개가 있습니다. 말하는 구간의 길이는 11:25입니다. 화자는 분당 약 178단어로, 일상 대화에 가까운 자연스러운 속도로 말합니다. 단어의 89%가 영어에서 가장 많이 쓰이는 3,000단어에 속해 어휘가 쉬운 편입니다.

이 영상의 핵심 어휘

영상에 나오는 익혀 둘 만한 단어 15개를 발음, 뜻과 함께 정리했습니다.

단어	발음	뜻
silence 명사	/ˈsaɪ̯ləns/	침묵
silent 형용사	/ˈsaɪ̯lənt/	조용하다
punish 동사	/ˈpʌnɪʃ/	벌주다, 징벌하다
passive 형용사	/ˈpæs.ɪv/	수동태
ignore 동사	/ɪɡˈnɔː/	무시하다
illness 명사	/ˈɪl.nəs/	질병, 병
toxic 형용사	/ˈtɒk.sɪk/	유독 한
anger 명사	/ˈæŋɡə/	성, 분노
punishment 명사	/ˈpʌnɪʃmənt/	처벌, 벌
aggressive 형용사	/əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/	공격적인, 침략적인
apologize 동사	/əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/	사과하다, 사죄하다
withdraw 동사	/wɪðˈdɹɔ/	후퇴하다, 취소하다
aggression 명사	/əˈɡɹɛʃən/	침략
rib 명사	/ɹɪb/	갈비, 늑골
lesson 명사	/ˈlɛs.ən/	수업, 과

영상에 나오는 구동사

단어	발음	뜻
blow up 동사		폭파하다
cool down 동사	/kuːl ˈdaʊn/	식다, 식히다
point out 동사		가리키다
shut up	/ʃʌt ʌp/	시끄러워, 닥쳐

따라 말해 볼 만한 문장

영상에 나오는 짧고 완결된 문장으로, 일상 대화에서 그대로 쓸 수 있습니다:

How do you deal with that?
How would you know if this was the case?
What are your thoughts about that?
You don't wanna jump in and say, well what specifically was good?
If you ask him, is everything okay?

이 영상의 문법

화자가 가장 많이 쓰는 문형을 영상 속 실제 표현과 함께 정리했습니다.

문형	영상 속 표현
조건문 if + 절, will/would + 동사 — 조건과 그 결과	if you help will try
수동태 be + 과거분사 — 누가 하는지보다 무슨 일이 일어나는지에 초점	is based · be badgered · you've been shamed
현재완료 have/has + 과거분사 — 과거의 일이 지금도 관련이 있을 때	Have you ever been · you've been shamed · have left
관계절 who / which + 절 — 사람이나 사물에 대한 추가 정보	person who isn · person who lashes · people who do

주의할 발음

화자는 doesn't, you're, I'm 같은 축약형과 약화된 형태를 64번 사용합니다. 들리는 대로 짧게 발음하세요.

“th” 소리: withdraw /wɪðˈdɹɔ/, beneath /bɪˈniːθ/, withhold /wɪθˈhoʊld/, soothe /suːð/
“sh”와 “zh” 소리: punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, punishment /ˈpʌnɪʃmənt/, aggression /əˈɡɹɛʃən/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/
긴 단어 — 강세 위치에 주의: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/

한국어 화자가 어려워하는 소리:

/f/ — ㅍ(/p/)으로 바꾸지 말고 윗니를 아랫입술에 대기: suffer /ˈsʌfɚ/, refuse /ɹɪˈfjuːz/, defensive /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/, uncomfortable /ʌnˈkʌm.fɚ.tə.bl̩/, satisfy /ˈsætɪsfaɪ/
/v/ — ㅂ(/b/)과 구별하기: passive /ˈpæs.ɪv/, aggressive /əˈɡɹɛs.ɪv/, defensive /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/, viewer /ˈvju.ɚ/
/z/ — ㅈ이 아니라 성대를 울리는 /s/: apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/, refuse /ɹɪˈfjuːz/, observation /ˌɑbzɚˈveɪʃn̩/, expose /ɪkˈspoʊz/, unfazed /ʌnˈfeɪzd/

이 영상으로 연습하는 방법

먼저 말하지 않고 영상을 끝까지 듣고 모르는 단어를 적어 둡니다.
0.75배속으로 한 문장씩 섀도잉을 시작하고, 익숙해지면 보통 속도로 돌아갑니다.
자신의 목소리를 녹음해 원본과 비교하고, silence, silent, punish 같은 단어에 특히 주의합니다.

쉐도잉이란? 영어 실력을 빠르게 키우는 과학적 방법

쉐도잉(Shadowing)은 원래 전문 통역사 훈련을 위해 개발된 언어 학습 기법으로, 다언어 학자인 Dr. Alexander Arguelles에 의해 대중화된 방법입니다. 핵심 원리는 간단하지만 매우 강력합니다: 원어민의 영어를 들으면서 1~2초의 짧은 지연으로 즉시 소리 내어 따라 말하는 것——마치 '그림자(shadow)'처럼 화자를 따라가는 것입니다. 문법 공부나 수동적인 청취와 달리, 쉐도잉은 뇌와 입 근육이 동시에 실시간으로 영어를 처리하고 재현하도록 훈련합니다. 연구에 따르면 이 방법은 발음 정확도, 억양, 리듬, 연음, 청취력, 말하기 유창성을 크게 향상시킵니다. IELTS 스피킹 준비와 자연스러운 영어 소통을 원하는 분들에게 특히 효과적입니다.

섀도잉 방법: 단계별 전체 가이드 읽기 →

쉐도잉 연습: Poor Communicator or The Silent Treatment? How to Deal With It - 영상으로 영어 말하기 배우기

연습 모드 선택

앱 다운로드

Mental Debugging: How to Build Resilience After Failure

Why You Can't Stop Worrying About the Future

Why You Snap at Small Things (It’s Not Your Fault)

Why Knowing Better Doesn’t Help in the Moment

How To Build a Strong Mind: New Focus on Resilience

Want a Stronger Mind? Start With These 3 Micro Habits

How To Visualize Your Success: Mental Rehearsal To Build Resilience

A Psychiatrist Explains "Quiet Cracking" (While Your Work Still Looks Fine)

Why You Still Feel Drained After Taking Time Off

Why You're Exhausted After Meetings (Even If You Didn't Speak)

Why You Can't Focus: Is It ADHD or Just Stress?

5 Signs Chronic Stress Is Damaging Your Brain

The Science of How Your Brain Forms Habits (and How to Take Control)

Which Exercise Actually Wins for Brain Health?

Setbacks vs. Failure: Why Your Brain Gets Trapped in Negative Loops

Always Angry? Try This Technique Before The Next Blow Up

The Real Reason You Always Imagine the Worst

Why Can’t You Sleep When Work Seems to Be Going Fine?

its time to have a conversation with them

Why Therapy Sucks For Men

The Secret To A Happy Marriage Is... | That Was Us

Use This Phrase on The Silent Treatment

How good leaders communicate

Objectify him: texting

How To Talk To Anyone | small talk, social anxiety, conversation tips!

Is He My Boyfriend or Just a Friend With Benefits?

Do You Know When To Stop Talking?

Psychology of People Who Go Quiet When They’re Hurt

نحوه رفتار با پارتنر اجتنابی