Shadowing Practice: 2717 - Are These English Phrases Condescending? - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Hey there, Aubrey.
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How's everything today?
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I am great, Lindsay.
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How are you today?
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Doing good, doing good.
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Aubrey, is there anyone in your life that you consider pretty condescending?
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Oh, I do know someone who's really condescending.
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And he means well.
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I don't think he intends to do it.
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But if ever he's talking about something that he's a bit of an expert in, like if he knows more about the other people around him,
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his tone is really condescending and the phrases he uses.
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There have been a couple of times where I kind of want to pull him aside and be like, yeah
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because i don't think we need to repair this right yeah
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i i feel like a lot of times people don't realize it
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or it happens for different reasons uh for me uh the
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triage nurse at my baby's doctor is kind of condescending
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and you know when you have a new baby you call
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because you're worried about things of course
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and i can understand why she is a bit condescending
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because she probably gets called and she understands the difference between an emergency and a non -emergency and And, but it's, it's kind of,
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yeah, jolting when you hear it as a new mom and you just don't know.
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Right.
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I have gotten this from medical professionals as well.
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And I think it kind of makes sense
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if they're dealing with the same questions all day and the answer seems so obvious to them,
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it's probably hard for them to keep the condescension out of their tone when they really just want to be like,
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seriously, how do you not know this?
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But for us, it's the first time it's the first time it's the first time exactly
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so condescension i i'm not used to using that noun
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but i guess that is a word right condescension is
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that yes that's the noun
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if someone is being condescending then this yeah they are creating condescension that's the noun yeah interesting
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so it is a thing it is out to use a verb yeah yeah
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but we usually just use the adjective condescending right exactly much more common
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and this is interesting this was inspired by an article in HuffPost, Six Common Phrases You May Not Realize Are Condescending.
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This is interesting to read through these because it's going to be interesting to talk about all of these.
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Some of them definitely can be condescending depending on your tone, but a lot of them could also be perfectly harmless depending on the situation.
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Tone is huge.
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What you've said before is huge, right?
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For your friend that shows up and every time he's condescending, that means next time he's also going to be condescending, right?
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But if he were a brand new person, you didn't know him, he used a different tone of voice, it wouldn't be considered condescending.
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So you kind of create a bit of a reputation for yourself, right?
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Yeah, that happens for sure.
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And I should share this was by Kelsey Morrison in July of 2026.
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If you want to check out this article,
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we're going to share those phrases and some similar ones that we might say or share and dive into.
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We should probably first define condescending.
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What does that mean, Lindsay?
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So it's basically when we speak to someone in a way that implies our own superiority,
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whether that's in terms of knowledge or abilities, right?
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Or I don't know, whatever it is, you feel like you're above that person.
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And that's when it's really hard to not be condescending for anyone.
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If you're an expert and so every, something starts seeming so obvious to you and then someone doesn't know, doesn't realize that's when it's difficult.
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It's kind of a fight to keep that judgment, that, you know, that condescending tone out of your voice.
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Yeah, for sure. For sure.
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All right, Aubrey, where do we start here today?
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Yeah, so this is interesting.
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So in the article, they interviewed Celeste Headley, who was the author of a book, We Need to Talk, How to Have Conversations That Matter.
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And this was really interesting.
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Headley said, when you are condescending, you are putting on a false persona of kindness.
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But beneath that is a clear message of superiority you're treating them in a way
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that shows that they are inferior
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so this is really interesting the false kindness is sort of separate right sometimes you someone's an expert
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and they know the answers
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and then sometimes it's a little separate where it's um in the tone
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because you're trying to hide that judgment you're trying to hide
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that expertise with this sort of false kindness in your tone
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but people can still hear that interesting interesting uh so why do you think people talk down to others?
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Like, why do you think people even do this, Aubrey?
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Where does it come from?
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Yeah.
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And that's a great brazil verb you're using there, right?
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To talk down.
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That's another way we say if someone's being condescending, you say you're talking down to people.
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That we use even more in, you know, conversations.
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I'd be like, don't talk down to me.
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It means please don't be condescending.
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Exactly.
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We kind of touched on this briefly when we talked about the nurse, for example, they're encountering a lot of information over
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and over the same questions it seems obvious to them
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because they've experienced it many times right
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but for the person on the other end they may have only heard
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it once encountering it for the first time not realize how they sound
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or maybe they do want the person on the end of the phone to know
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that they think like you should have figured this out on your own sometimes there is sort of
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that intent for it to let someone know that they think.
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there's the reason you know
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that they do they like want
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you to feel stupid we'll have to see we'll see what happens next time I call her
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so maybe you should put her in her place let's say no oh gosh yeah right
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but other reasons people might do it is maybe they feel insecure
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I mean this we're getting into psychology here right
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but it's a known fact that
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when someone feels insecure some people puff up right they puff up they get bigger um
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and you can see right through it.
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Some people get smaller, some people get bigger.
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We can see this in some well -known politicians at the moment.
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I'm not going to name any names.
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But yeah, that's true.
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You can see this feeling of insecurity when someone's trying to make other people feel small.
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When they're criticizing them or calling them names, most of us can see like, oh, this is just an insecurity in the person who's being rude.
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Exactly.
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And again, sometimes they might not realize they're being condescending.
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We've said that would be another reason people are this way.
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What else, Aubrey?
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Or maybe they do want to feel superior.
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They want to feel like they're in control.
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They want to show their knowledge, right?
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That medical professional, they might, they're like, okay, I want to feel the, like all of the medical school I went to was for something.
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They're sort of lording that knowledge over you.
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Yeah.
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This does make me think a lot of bedside manner and how it didn't used to be important or demanded by patients.
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And now in 2026, it is demanded that doctors not only perform great medicine and be competent,
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but they also need to be not condescending.
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They need to be polite.
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They need to have a good bedside manner.
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Well, because once upon a time, there were no other options.
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There was one doctor in the village that you could call.
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Now we have so many options that doctors also have to be personable.
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They need to make you feel, um, you know, or you could choose someone else.
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Right. For sure.
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Yeah, absolutely.
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Um, all right.
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So should we get into some of the phrases
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that from the article they believe might sound condescending and we'll add our own opinion.
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We'll add some nuance here, guys.
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We'll, uh, show you some role plays.
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We'll bring these ideas to life.
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Yes.
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So there are six phrases here.
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We're going to dive into all of them.
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The first one is, oh, how cute, or that's sweet, that's cute, or in the South, in the United States, we'll often hear, bless your heart.
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These sort of all have the same meaning.
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Yeah, exactly, exactly.
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So here's a quick role play.
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I tried to change the oil, but I just made a mess.
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Oh, how cute.
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We should probably take it to a mechanic.
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So this is very condescending, right?
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There are so many things I could say to be kind of like oh i appreciate
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that you tried or like you did better than i could do something like
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that instead to say how cute or like bless your heart right it's so true
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and i feel like nine times out of ten
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this is going to be a man speaking to a woman
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most of the time right like that's that's what we're that's what i'm picturing at least i don't know
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so there is a phrase of you guys i'm sure out there listening have heard it um mansplaining
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and that did come up in this article
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and women can do this of course
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this is like someone who feels like they know more than the person they're explaining to
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and so then they explain in a way that's very condescending
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so it's been coined this sort of mansplaining
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because men do this a lot not gonna lie
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but i've definitely seen women do this i have done i have been guilty of this
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and i catch myself but it's true nine times out of ten you're not wrong yeah
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but no women's play women's planning is a thing and i call that out too.
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A hundred percent.
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We all deserve to be called out.
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But I think a lot of times when people do the splain, they don't know that they're doing the splain, right?
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No, they wouldn't do it if they realized how it's coming across, right?
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Yeah.
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Yeah, totally.
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All right.
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So what else, Aubrey?
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Is there another one?
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This is interesting.
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So for this, oh, how cute, right?
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If you are being genuine, if you're genuinely trying to express that something is cute or sweet, you could absolutely say this, right?
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If you say this about a baby or a puppy, it's condescending when someone is trying to do something and
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if they're failing then you are sort of highlighting the failure by calling it cute
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or saying bless your heart that's what's condescending about it yeah i think
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when it comes to gender
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if you're worried about anything there i would just say ask yourself would you say it to
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if you're a guy would you also say that to a guy would you say that to a guy
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if if yes or
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if not just judge
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it based on is is it depending on who i'm talking to the gender of who I'm talking to,
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or is it just what I want to say?
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That's such a good point, right?
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Am I changing this because of who I'm talking to, right?
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Because yeah, that's true.
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We can diagnose ourselves, our own prejudices, and try to improve that.
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Exactly, exactly.
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All right, so the second one that they believe is condescending is, well, actually, or Aubrey, there's a paired phrase here.
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What is it?
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It's, don't you think?
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Yeah, these very similar meanings, right?
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Let's dive right into a role play and then we'll dive we'll explain here
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so maybe i'd say i heard the meeting was moved to thursday
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Well, actually it's still on Wednesday, but it's been moved to the afternoon.
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Yeah.
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So it's all about when you're correcting someone, right?
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If you're correcting someone and you use these phrases, well, actually, or don't you think like, don't you think you should do this instead?
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Those do sound condescending.
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Judging, condescending.
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I know better than you do.
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Now be careful here because there's a lot of context in which actually, or well, actually, it's still on Wednesday would be okay.
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So if you take this chunk in itself, out of this context and into another moment, it might not be condescending.
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So this is a very high level episode today, Aubrey.
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Exactly.
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Yeah.
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If you just say like, oh, I'll be there at eight.
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Well, actually I probably can't get there until eight 30.
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I'm just clarifying.
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Right.
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So yeah, it all depends on the tone and the situation for this phrase.
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It's when you're correcting someone or telling them what they should do instead that often comes off as condescending.
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Oh my goodness.
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Yeah.
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So be careful there.
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Uh, next one that we love here is, or we don't love if you're trying your best.
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Yeah.
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So maybe if I say, Oh, I'm trying to get along with my siblings, but it's really tough.
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Yeah.
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Well, you know, you're trying your best.
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Yeah.
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This is interesting.
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Cause I could see people saying this and being very well -intentioned, but I get that it, you know, it could definitely come across wrong.
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Because if someone is having difficulty with something, for example, if you've had a lot of job interviews and no success,
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and someone says, you're trying your best, you're kind of implying that they're not capable of doing any better, which might not feel great.
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Exactly, exactly.
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So you're implying that there's a real ceiling to their ability, right?
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Yeah, and this is subtle.
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And so yeah, the person who says it might not even realize um
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and that almost makes it worse that it's kind of
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so passive you're trying your best you're trying
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so what could we say instead i mean what like what should we say in
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that case to not be condescending yeah i think just to show more empathy like i can't even
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that must be really hard maybe ask follow -up questions
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so yeah instead of just making this blank blanket statement
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that's related to their ability right anything else exactly make comments on the situation like with the job interview situation,
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you could say, oh, I heard it's a really weird job market right now.
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You know, let me know if you want to run through your resume or so.
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I don't know.
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Offer to help or something.
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Yes.
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Anything that shows more empathy.
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Yeah.
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Yeah.
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Okay.
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Number four, Aubrey, what's the fourth?
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All right.
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You just need to or shouldn't you.
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So this is jumping in with advice when maybe it hasn't been asked for.
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Like maybe, for example, if I say I'm having a hard time sleeping at night.
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You just needed to charge your phone in a different room.
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Yeah.
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So this, it implies that.
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Well, it's interesting because maybe, but you've said it in such less condescending.
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You'd be like, you know, what works for me is, or I heard that you could try this.
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There are so many better ways to phrase something.
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Whereas this, you just need to, or shouldn't you consider both our condescending ways to say that, implying that I wouldn't have thought of that before.
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I think that what both of these do is they oversimplify the person, right?
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And same with the previous example.
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They oversimplify the person and what they're trying to do and the circumstance, right?
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People are not simple.
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You just need to do this and your problem will be solved.
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Yeah.
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It's never that easy, right?
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Exactly.
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Yes.
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So better things, again, you could say, have you considered putting your phone in another room overnight?
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Or one thing that worked for me was, yeah, like if you guys have been listeners of the podcast for a while,
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Lindsay has given me that advice, but in a really respectful way, never in a way that felt condescending.
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Exactly.
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Exactly.
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I'm glad she didn't feel like it was condescending.
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I was panicking there for a moment.
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Yeah.
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You wouldn't be like, you just need to charge your phone another room and then you'll be fine.
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She can see guys, it's all about connection.
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It's all about the words, the words and the delivery and the context.
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What you understand about me is that hopefully I'm not a condescending person right?
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So you don't expect me to be condescending the next time.
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So you're going to give me the benefit of the doubt that helps in my favor too.
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Exactly.
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All right, Aubrey, what's the fifth?
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All right, number five is it's not that big of a deal or it's no big deal.
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Dismissive.
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Yeah, let's not do this, right?
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For example, it's been three months since I got laid off
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and I'm starting to stress out oh it's not
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that big of a deal you'll find something else yeah again totally dismissing the person's situation, their stress.
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right exactly right and that's not what someone needs to hear
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because especially if it is a big deal to them right to dismiss it with that's not
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that big of a deal feels really um like you just
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really don't care about their situation at all yeah is this
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ever a good thing to say Aubrey would you would you say
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or should we always stay away from you know I every now
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and then do say this to my children who are making a really big deal about something
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and they are creating more anxiety so then, but I don't know if I phrase it exactly that way.
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It would be more like, I probably would say something like, okay, let's step back and think about like trying to give them some perspective.
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And I don't know if I would just be like, this is not a big deal.
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Why are you making a big deal about this?
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Right, right, right, right.
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Yeah, that's true.
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I don't know if we should ever say this.
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It's all about the words.
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It's all about the words.
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All right.
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You wouldn't understand
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or you wouldn't get it oh again this is putting someone in a box yeah um right
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so let's do a role play okay my brother
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and i got in a huge fight and aren't speaking i'm sorry to hear
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that well you wouldn't understand you've never fought like this with your brother
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yeah don't say that that's bad that's blatantly that's probably the worst of all i agree
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and i i agree this is another one of those i don't know
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if there's ever a time where you would say this
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because whoever maybe it's true that they can't really understand
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but they're trying to sympathize they're trying to feel empathy even
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if they haven't been in that exact situation
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and to totally discount their attempts at feeling
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that sympathy is really cruel that's exactly what i was just going to say aubrey
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there's never a time we've talked about maybe with some of these
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there's another time another context another scenario not with this one
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it's a really rude way to phrase things you wouldn't understand
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or you wouldn't get it you're implying that they're not emotionally intelligent enough to understand an experience that they haven't been through.
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And people do, people work to, to build that emotional intelligence, that empathy, that even if they haven't been through exactly that,
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that they can still feel for you and care about your feelings.
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Completely.
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Especially if they're reaching out, they're trying to help you, right?
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Don't, don't, don't bite them.
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Don't turn around and bite them that way.
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Right.
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Exactly.
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Okay.
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Let's do a role where we have a few of these.
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I'm sure how they might come up in a conversation.
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And here I have just gone on a date and I'm telling you how it went.
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So this is maybe us 30 years ago.
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20 years ago.
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20 years ago.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah.
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Perfect.
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Let's do it.
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I went on a date last night and I think I really like him.
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Oh, let me start again.
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Oh, how cute.
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Tell me everything.
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Well, we talked for three hours and I think we really connected.
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Well actually you said that about the last guy too and you remember how that turned out.
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I know but this feels different.
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Okay well you're trying your best.
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Maybe you're just getting a little carried away.
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I don't think so.
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I think it might work out this time.
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Well if it doesn't it's not that big of a deal.
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You'll meet someone else.
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Don't tell me that.
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I'm so sick of dating.
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You wouldn't understand.
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You've been married for ages and he's really great.
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He might be the one.
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Bless your heart.
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You're already planning your wedding, aren't you?
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I love this.
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Oh my gosh.
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Oh wow.
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This is pretty bad.
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We cannot be friends.
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I know, right?
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After this, the friendship might be over.
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Yeah, it might be over.
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I think I would blatantly end a friendship probably with someone if they were that rude.
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I don't know if we would have been friends in the first place
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if we were the type to use phrases like this.
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Maybe you're like a distant aunt or something you know
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so let's go through these the first one you said is oh how cute
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and like this maybe could work if you're
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if this is in your personality if someone's like i want a date
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and you're like oh how cute but it also could be really condescending
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if someone's like i went on a date
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i'm excited to say oh how cute sort of um trivializes
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it right it makes it seem like it's for babies yeah
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if exactly i think i think the problem is the packaging here the whole the how
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and the q oh how cute right it's very condescending
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if you want to say this you're excited about your friend you know you see
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that they're all um they're all excited
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and they're you know they're really high on the event maybe say oh you look
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so cute right now it's so exciting that you met someone you like
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that could be okay right i would just be like that's awesome that's exciting, right?
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Oh, how cute.
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Just because it's so, it can easily sound condescending.
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I would avoid it if you're talking about anything but like babies and puppies, things that are really cute.
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Babies and puppies.
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Stick to babies and puppies.
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I think you're right.
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That's really safe.
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Right.
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And then you said, I was like, oh, we talked for three hours.
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We're really connected.
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And you say, well, actually you said that about the last time.
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So you're really taking the window out of my sails with this phrase.
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Well, actually you're sort of correcting me and bringing me back to reality
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and you could see how a friend would do this if they're like okay, let's calm down.
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You've said that about every guy you've ever dated, but how cruel to do that.
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If someone's excited about a date, let them be excited.
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Yeah.
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It's just straight up mean, right?
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It's just, you want, let them have that excitement, that optimism, not knowing what's going to happen.
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It's exciting.
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Right.
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Yeah.
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Um, and then you said, I know, but this feels different.
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And I said, okay, well you're trying your best.
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Yeah.
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You're like, cause you really feel like i'm getting excited before i should right you're like you
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and you say
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that you say you're getting a little i think
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you might be getting carried away like you're trying to get me to manage my expectations
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because i've clearly come
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and told you about lots of guys i was excited about it didn't work out
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but the phrases that you're using yeah are kind of condescending critical
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right well you're trying your best exactly good job putting yourself out there
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right very condescending and then you said i don't think so i think it might work out this time
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And you said, or I said, well, if it doesn't, it's not that big of a deal.
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Yeah.
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This is terrible.
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It doesn't matter anyways.
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Especially if someone's been dating forever and they're so sick of the apps or whatever to tell them like,
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oh, it's not a big deal if it doesn't work out.
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It would be really terrible to hear.
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No. Yeah.
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Really bad.
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You don't want, none of this is good.
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And then you said, don't tell me that.
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I'm so sick of dating.
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You wouldn't understand.
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Now you're going to bite me back.
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Right?
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Yeah.
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I'm getting frustrated.
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I'm like, you wouldn't understand how hard it is to be still dating, especially if you've been married for ages, right?
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Yeah, this is exciting.
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And then you said, bless your heart.
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Those first ones we shared are, I think, the worst here.
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Bless your heart.
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I don't know that this could ever not be condescending.
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I don't think so.
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Yeah, guys.
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All right.
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So for a takeaway, I mean, this has been a great episode, Aubrey.
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I'm glad we're able to grab these phrases from the Huff post, this article.
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Again, guys, go check out the original article.
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It's by Celeste Headley.
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As we said, we need to talk how to have conversations that matter, right?
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Don't be condescending.
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That's kind of our message for connection.
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Condescension does not lead to connection, right?
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Yes, exactly.
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And I think the two, I was kind of looking over the phrases.
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I think we kind of mentioned this, but I don't know if I would ever say to someone,
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it's not that big of a deal about anything they've shared that they do think is a big deal.
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And also you wouldn't understand.
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Those are two that I just don't know that there's ever a good time to say that.
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Yeah, there's never a good time.
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So just be aware of what you're saying, what the impact is that it's having.
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Maybe observe people around you if you're not quite sure.
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Observe when other people use those phrases, how people react, but always go for that connection moment.
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Always go for that positive connection.
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All right.
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We don't want to hurt people for sure.
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Yes.
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Awesome.
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Thanks for talking about this today, Lindsay.
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I agree.
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This is such an important connection moment to avoid accidentally being condescending.
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That can really hurt a relationship.
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That could be a deal breaker for a friendship.
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Huge.
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Absolutely.
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All right, Aubrey, I'll talk to you very soon.
479
Have a good day.
480
Awesome.
481
See you next time.
482
Bye.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “2717 - Are These English Phrases Condescending?”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: condescending, exactly, phrase. This video has 482 sentences and 4580 words to shadow. The speech runs for 23:18. The speaker talks fast, about 197 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 88% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| phrase noun | /ˈfɹeɪ̯z/ | A short written or spoken expression. |
| tone noun | /ˈtəʊn/ | A specific pitch. |
| bless verb | /blɛs/ | To make something holy by religious rite, sanctify. |
| imply verb | /ɪmˈplaɪ/ | To have as a necessary consequence; to lead to (something) as a consequence. |
| depend verb | /dɪˈpɛnd/ | To be contingent or conditioned; to have something as a necessary condition |
| dive verb | /daɪv/ | To swim under water. |
| puppy noun | /ˈpʌpi/ | A young rat. |
| empathy noun | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | Identification with or understanding of the thoughts, feelings, or emotional state of another person. |
| friendship noun | /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ | The condition of being friends. |
| connect verb | /kəˈnɛkt/ | To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object. |
| bite verb | /baɪt/ | To cut into something by clamping the teeth. |
| rude adjective | /ɹuːd/ | Lacking in refinement or civility; bad-mannered; discourteous. |
| kindness noun | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | The state of being kind. |
| noun noun | /naʊn/ | A word that functions as the name of a specific object or set of objects, such as person, animal, place, word, thing, phenomenon, substance, quality, or idea… |
| nurse noun | /nɝs/ | Anyone performing this role, regardless of training or profession. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| work out verb | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | To calculate. |
| talk down to verb | To speak to another person in a demeaning or patronizing way. | |
| carried away adjective | Made excessively emotional or excited, so that one goes too far. | |
| check out verb | To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.). | |
| come across verb | To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition. | |
| call out verb | To specify, especially in detail. | |
| calm down verb | To become less excited, intense, or angry. | |
| come off verb | To become detached. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- How are you today?
- Aubrey, is there anyone in your life that you consider pretty condescending?
- It's, don't you think?
- Why are you making a big deal about this?
- You're already planning your wedding, aren't you?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Conditional sentences if + clause, will/would + verb — a condition and its result | if you're a guy would you · If you just say like, oh, I'll be |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been · have gotten · you've said |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | was inspired · be considered · is demanded |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who feels · person who says · children who are |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 202 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, beneath /bɪˈniːθ/, sympathy /ˈsɪm.pəθ.i/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/, intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/, politician /ˌpɑ.ləˈtɪʃ.ən/
- Long words — get the stress right: superiority /sʊˌpɪə(ɹ).iˈɒ.ɹɪ.ti/, naturally /ˈnæt͡ʃ.(ə.)ɹə.li/, reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/, superior /sʊˈpɪɹ.i.ɚ/, anxiety /æŋˈzaɪ.əti/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like phrase, tone, bless.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.