Shadowing Practice: 7 Conversations Every Ambitious Person Needs to Hear | Dear Leila - Learn English Speaking with Video

If you're saying to me right now my business is a bigger priority than my friends and family, just fucking own it.

You should have seen me googling what does EOD mean or B2B when I first left being a dom.

Honestly dude, it's such a dumb question.

It's one that gets asked a lot though, isn't it?

Do you know who you are?

Do you know who you are, motherfucker?

I'm not a fan of making people feel bad for what they want to do.

It's their life, not yours.

What's up guys, I'm Layla, and today we're going to talk about ambition.

Having super big goals, big dreams, wanting to to work a lot, build something big, but what do you do about the people that you love?

So this show is called Dear Layla, and this is how it works.

Essentially, you are gonna send me your real problems, like sticky situations that you have in life, things that you're trying to figure out.

I'm gonna give you real answers.

So you can write to me, you can send me a video, you can live call it, or you can leave a voicemail.

And today, some people are chasing something big.

Some of them feel really torn, some of them feel guilty.

So we are gonna try and help them navigate what is best for each one of them.

Live caller number one, we have Parth.

Parth is calling in from Arizona.

He started his first company at 15, and now at 20, he's running an eight-figure marketing agency.

Parth, are you there?

Yeah, I'm here.

How are you?

What's up?

So my question is, how do you know if ambition is truly you?

I started this company at 15, like you just said.

I've never really known adulthood without it.

It's been around a fourth of my life, which is crazy to say.

And I don't know if I'm driven because I want to be

or because I started so young that building is the only identity I've really ever had.

Yeah.

My question to you is how do you know

if your ambition is actually yours or just the thing you've ever known how to be?

Well, I would ask you this, which is like, how would you know otherwise?

Like if you look at somebody else, how would you know if that is who they are or something that they were influenced by?

And how does anybody become who they are?

Do you think it's just internally motivated or do you think it's externally motivated?

Do you think it's a combination of both?

I think it's a combination of both.

I think when I look around me, I see a lot of people that are motivated by different things like their desire for money or success, which I love that.

Like I think that's great.

Yeah.

Or they're driven by their fear of losing.

But I think that I spent so long in my childhood not knowing who I wanted to be.

And so once I found out that pushing myself and having my back against the wall is something I truly wanted,

it became more of the fear of losing or not being who I truly am ended up taking over.

And so if I was ambitious, then that's who I truly was and I kind of stuck with it.

And I'm thinking about this more now rather than in the beginning because I'm hitting that age where everyone's asking me like, why did you start this, sir?

What was your motivation behind it?

I'm truly not sure if it's something I just purely enjoy

or if it's because it's who I wanted to be and

so I It's who I kept going after and so I turned myself into yeah

I'll give you my perspective of the world since obviously

that is the show

which is I don't really Who you want to be who

others want you to I just think it's bullshit I think you do what you're rewarded

and reinforced for doing so like you got into something

You know when you were 15 you're 20 you've obviously been reinforced for it in some way

I would say there's ways I would guess money, status, importance, consistency, dependability.

Like there's a lot of things that you get from that.

So like I would imagine that the reason

that you have the eight figure marketing agency

and you continue running it is because you get a lot of things from it.

You get a lot of reinforcement from it rather than saying like, is it who I want to be or who others want to be?

It's like humans do what they're reinforced to do.

And so where you have more reinforcers in your life, you're gonna end up doing more of that thing.

For example, if I said I don't want to be ambitious anymore.

I actually want to go full-time stay-at-home mom.

What would be the easiest way to condition myself to do that?

So I guess my question is, do you know who you want to be?

I just want to keep doing what I'm doing, honestly.

Well then what the fuck? Do you need permission?

No, I don't think I need permission.

I think that answers it quite a bit.

I was looking a lot more into the past from what other people kept asking like, who do you think you are?

Honestly, it's such a dumb question.

It's one that gets asked a lot though, isn't it?

Yeah, and I hate it.

Who are you?

Like, please tell me the perfect answer for that.

Like, no seriously though, it's like you could come from so many different angles.

It's the most amorphous vague fucking question that exists.

It leaves people feeling confused and depressed.

It is a bad question.

I'm an example of number one, aren't I?

Yeah.

That's awesome.

Well, this is great.

You should keep doing what you're doing if you like it.

And you're young, you're 20, you're gonna, like, you're setting yourself up for a great life.

And you have so many things you can do that you've opened up doors for yourself because you've done this.

So, like, you have a lot of optionality. That was good.

That was really helpful.

Thank you, Leila. Of course.

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Hey, have a good one, Par.

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You too.

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Bye.

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Do you know who you are?

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Do you know who you are, motherfucker?

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Like, what the fuck?

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When you go, like, seriously, if I'm like, who are you?

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It's like, makes it feel like it's this like big important question.

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It's like, seriously, how do you answer that?

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Uh, do I say where I work?

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Do I say what I do for you?

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Do I say I'm a mom?

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Do I say it's like, how do we identify anything is with labels?

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And so then you feel bad for putting a label on yourself and feeling it's the wrong one.

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If you don't know what you want, who do you envy?

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Who are you jealous of?

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Who do you admire?

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That's a great place to start.

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I think like, that's the easiest one.

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If people are like, I don't have anyone I look up to.

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It's like, who the fuck pisses you off because you wish that you were them or you envy something?

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More common for men.

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Okay, next up.

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We have Dusan.

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This is a DM from Instagram.

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And he is writing all the way from Serbia.

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He's writing all the way from Serbia.

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He was the first ever in his family to start a business, and here's what he wrote.

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Dear Leila, in recent months and past year, I've noticed my ambition changing me.

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Before I started a business, I only thought about my future businesses.

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And my ambition kept growing.

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I've noticed it affecting my time with family and friends.

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I only think about my business now.

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And I don't have fun being around them the same way I used to.

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I like the change in myself, but is it good or bad?

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That's why I'm writing you.

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Is it normal to feel guilty when chasing my ambition?

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Changes who I am with the people that I love.

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I do not label anything, like, in this instance, I would not label this as good or bad.

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I would say that you have a preference.

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You right now at this point in your life prefer have more interest, get more reinforcement from your business than you do from your friends and family.

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Maybe that's a sign that you don't like friends and family

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or maybe it's a sign that you just specifically right now don't have as much in common with them.

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Therefore, you don't enjoy the time spent with them as you did before.

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Maybe it also means that the business is doing a lot for you.

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Maybe it's creating financial freedom.

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It's interesting.

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It gets you status.

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It's used status, it creates relationships, you get interaction with people.

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And so because of that, it takes up all this room in your life

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and provides you with all these things that you don't feel this insane desire to have those relationships with friends and family.

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I'm not saying that this is like right or wrong or good or bad.

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I actually don't think you should label it that way.

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I think you should just say, it's what I want right now.

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So it sounds like what you're asking for me is, should I continue to feel guilty?

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That's really what it feels like.

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Like I understand, is it normal to feel guilty when chasing my ambition and changing the people I love?

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Like, again, like guilt is the price of prioritization.

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When you prioritize your life, you're going to feel guilty.

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And so, this is inevitable.

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If you're saying to me, right now my business is a bigger priority than my friends and family, just fucking own it.

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And if you're like, that makes me a fucking dick, asshole, piece of shit.

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I don't know dude, own it.

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Like, if that's what you think yourself, like, fucking own it.

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Like, I think sometimes in life we fight these things, we resist these things, because of how we label them.

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But it's like, if this is where you're at right now for this temporary season, just own it and embrace it.

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I think that the reality is, is that you're probably new into the business.

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It's probably still early on.

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This is probably something that will change fairly quickly.

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I think when we're younger and when we're starting off in something, we get very obsessive over the thing.

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And that's really common.

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And I don't think it's something to feel bad about.

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That's just where you're at in your life.

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I think that eventually the pendulum will swing and you're going to want to spend more time with friends and family.

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If not now, then in five years, 10 years, whenever it is.

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And people can make you feel guilty for that all day, but they are not you living your life.

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So you should do whatever you want to do and not feel bad about it.

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I just, I'm not a fan of making people feel bad for what they want to do, even if it's not what you agree with or what you think is good or right.

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It's like, well, it's their life, not yours.

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All right.

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Live caller number two, we have Queen.

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Queen is calling in from Romania.

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She's a student who's figuring out how to balance starting a career.

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Queen, are you there?

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Yes.

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Hi, Lila.

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Hi.

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So tell me, what are you trying to figure out how to balance right now?

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Well, I'm 18 years old.

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I study abroad and I struggle to balance a long distance relationship, less university and a part time job.

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A lot of the times I do things like, for example, if there's a conflict in the relationship, it drains me emotionally and I push through the other parts of my life.

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and I feel like I progress very slowly in those sides of my life.

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So what is your advice on balancing everything?

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Well, I would just ask you this question, which is like, do you think that it is wrong that when one area of your life is not going well, it affects other areas?

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Do you feel like that means you're failing?

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I feel like I don't know what to prioritize

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and what is the best thing to prioritize right now at this point in life.

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Who has typically major priorities for you?

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What do you mean?

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Well, when you start off in life and until you're, you know, going to college, your parents kind of prioritize for you what your life looks like and so does society.

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Like, there's a very clear path of like, this is a priority.

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You get these grades in school, you do this thing, you do this next, you go to these things.

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And so I'm saying, do you think that you're having a hard time

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because this is also a time where it's newer to choose?

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Yes.

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How do I know what is best to prioritize for me or for my future?

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Well, what are your goals?

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Do you know what you want your future to look like?

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Because your priorities, essentially, it's the plan to get you to where you want to go.

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That's what your priorities are.

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The question is where you want to go.

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You can say, I don't know.

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I don't know.

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I think, yeah, I don't know.

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You're very analytical, aren't you?

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Yeah, a lot of the times I feel like I've spent too much time planning.

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And other times I don't have enough time to do the other stuff because I spent so much time planning.

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Yeah, I think right now what I'm from what I'm hearing it sounds like the reason

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that this is difficult for you is a couple things

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which is like one when you've never done something before you don't know how long anything's going to take.

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You have a lot of uncertainty right now is what it sounds like.

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Would you agree?

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Yes.

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Rather than trying to to voraciously solve that uncertainty, I would learn to be okay with it.

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This is the only time in your whole fucking life

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that it is okay to be uncertain and you don't have a million people relying on you.

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You can feel like it, trust me, I get it, when it's like, I feel like my parents, I feel like people, I feel like, you know, my social group, but like, in reality, you don't.

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You do not have an immense amount of things

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that you have to be responsible for right now now

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so like it's a great season to be okay with that

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and to embrace it and to be like i'm not going to be balanced

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and i'm not going to be certain and this might take forever

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and it might take not a long time it's just

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when you resist

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that reality of where you're at it feels like you want

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to be further than you are right now sometimes i feel like i take it very practical

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so my question would be okay i'm okay with uncertainty

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but then what do i do let's say after this call

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or the next day like what's something i can do to

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be to move towards certainty the only way to be okay with uncertainty is to accept it

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and not try to be certain you are spending so much time trying to

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trying to find this certainty in a place where like the only certainty in life is that there is none

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and like you asking me that you're like okay yeah i've accepted the uncertainty no you haven't because you just said, how do I find certainty tomorrow though?

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Honestly, I think where you're at is okay.

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None of this sounds bad.

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Try things.

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Don't put so much pressure on yourself. Be okay.

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Starting over multiple times is the only time in your life you're going to be able to do that.

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Thank you.

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Thanks queen.

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She hates me for sure.

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I feel like if I was 19 and calling and got that answer, I feel like she doesn't know what she's talking about.

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I'm always smarter than her.

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Okay.

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The next one came in as a video from Lauren.

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Lauren from Arizona with a question about ambition, dating, and being seen as too intense.

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So let's take a look.

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Hi, Layla.

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My name is Lauren Curry.

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I'm 31 years old.

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And in the past five years, I've had a complete life transformation.

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In 2021, I was overweight.

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I could only fit into one pair of pants in my closet.

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And I was feeling a lot of emptiness.

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And I knew that it was time for a change.

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And so since then, I've lost just about 80 pounds.

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I got into real estate.

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I bought rentals and in the very beginning of may this year

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so just about two months ago i moved to scottsdale arizona from tacoma washington to start my real estate business and

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because i knew i had to physically put myself in a

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location where people were doing things i felt a lot of loneliness

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and my circle has gotten a lot smaller since i started growing and so my question for you

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is what would you do in my position

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if you're looking for friendships where they wanted to grow

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and where they pushed you and when you're looking for a romantic relationship

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that you know is on the same growth pattern as you.

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I really appreciate you.

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I'm so grateful for you and thank you for everything that you do for Girls Like Us.

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So I think I've changed my perspective on the friends part.

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I have, which is I have lots of friends who are not as ambitious as me.

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In fact, I have maybe two friends that are as ambitious as me that are females.

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And the rest of my friends, I would say, are not as ambitious as me.

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And I don't think that that prohibits us from being friends.

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I don't think that because someone doesn't have the same level of ambition that they can't support me, listen to me, empathize with me, go out and have fun,

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catch up, do all the things a friend would do.

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I think sometimes we put too much pressure on any one individual friendship.

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And rather than saying, like, maybe I don't need any of these friends because they don't have the same ambition as me, instead think, I love these friends and they support me in all these ways,

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but I would also love to have friends who had ambition.

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Maybe I need more friends of a different kind.

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Maybe I want to spend more time with these new friends and less time with these old friends.

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I think that's, like, really fair to think about.

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So that's what I would say there.

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In terms of the relationship, I think it's being really clear about what you want in a relationship.

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And when you are meeting people, you just have to be really upfront for that.

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And also know that when somebody's looking for somebody they can grow with, and it sounds like growth-oriented is probably one of the most important things to you.

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And I get that because that was, for me, for a very long time, probably still continues to be.

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If you're looking for somebody who's growth oriented, then it's going to probably take a little bit more time to find because that is just by nature,

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like, less of, less of people on this earth.

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And two, I think you're going to have to try, try hard in the sense of like, put yourself out there in a lot of situations so you can meet those people.

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you know before I met Alex like I had gone on

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so many shitty dates and I will tell you now

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when people tell me they can't find somebody I'm like talk to me

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when you've gone on one date a week for 18 months then we'll talk

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because like that's what I did and it sucked

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and I hated most every moment of it besides like the few good dates I had um

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but I had made a commitment to myself

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and then I eventually met somebody who was exactly what I was looking for

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and I don't even think about the bad dates anymore I could give two fucks

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so like if you're gonna have high standards you have to have high output

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if you're gonna have extraordinary vision for your life then you have extraordinary effort

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that goes into it and that does not just mean around work it means around everything

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that goes into it now

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that doesn't mean it happens all in one season it would

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be really hard to say i need i'm gonna start my new business

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and i want to find a boyfriend

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and i want to find new friends all right now like dude how who has time that's

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so hard but what's most important to you right now

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and then focusing on that and understanding that like the desires and ambition that you have

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means that you have more of an effort to put it in and that is just the life that you've chosen.

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Okay time for a voicemail.

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This one is from Natalie.

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She's calling in from the United States.

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She's an accountant helping her partner build a personal training business from the ground up.

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So let's go ahead and listen.

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Hi, I'm Natalie.

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Hey, I'm Alex.

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We're a couple that owns and operates a personal training facility in Texas.

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I started this business about seven

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and a half years ago out of my parents garage over

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the last two years i've brought my girlfriend natalie into assist

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me with the day-to-day operations um she helps out with the

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marketing the emails uh basically it has to do with desperate yeah

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so um together we have been able to grow the business steadily grow our community

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but at the end of the day we do want to expand and move into a bigger facility

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we are still very much a small business and we operate as

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so he's here full-time coaching and running the day-to-day operations

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and I do work a nine-to-five so I'm limited to contributing in the evenings

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and on the weekends

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and we kind of are at the point in our relationship

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where we're ready to start thinking about starting a family and

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that stage of our lives however you know growing the business takes a lot out of us

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and we're at a crossroads of knowing do we keep pushing through this hard stage of the business

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or do we pivot to something we're stating it's the the classic do you push

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or do you pivot problem which i think is a difficult one to analyze

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when you're in the situation when i'm talking to somebody

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and they are asking me like do i keep pushing in my business

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or do i need to make a change it's kind of

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like there's always two meta levels to this like level one is okay like let's go through the actual business like

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are you stuck on lead gen lead nurture sales delivery retention

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employees team building what is it trying to understand where the business might be stuck from a constraint standpoint

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and then do they have the skill to identify that constraint

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and then do they have the skill to fix the constraint

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usually one is lacking either you don't know how to identify

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what's lacking in your business like you don't know what the constraint is

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because you don't have enough experience or you have enough experience to know what's wrong

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but you don't have enough skills to fix what's wrong typically

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that's the case in most businesses one of those things that's level one

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level two if we're like chunking up from there though is you have to ask yourself is the business

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that i have built the business i intended to build

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and i think you notice this theme a lot

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which is like people start off with one mission when they build their business and then they get enamored by the money,

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the fame, the status, they just get addicted to the numbers in the dashboard, like whatever it might be, and they get really derailed from why they started in the first place.

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So when you're asking me, we want to start a family soon, we want to do this stuff, do we push or do we pivot?

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I can't fully answer that unless I know why did you build the business in the first place?

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What is most important to you?

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Is it to help build and propel this life that the two of you want to build together?

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Or is it because you wanted to build an empire that your kids can work in one day?

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Like, what does that look like for you?

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And you have to know that yourself.

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There's no, this is the thing, there's no fucking right answer for this.

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Like, it is only what's right for you.

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Like, I want to build something that lasts beyond me.

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I want to build something my kids can work at.

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I've had this dream of like, you know, me and my husband and then eventually our kids all like have this business that we work in together.

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Do I know if that's gonna happen or not?

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No, but I keep working towards it.

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So like hopefully one day that would be fucking awesome.

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So I know what I'm working towards.

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So when I have to decide, do I push or do I pivot, I have that frame to work within.

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You need a frame.

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You guys need to decide what your frame is.

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And I can't give you a frame.

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I'm not going to do that.

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You need to decide, like, what's most important to us based on the values that we have.

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And then you have to make the decision to align with that.

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Our last live caller today is Nicole.

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Nicole is calling in from Colorado and she's reinventing her career from the ground up.

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Nicole, are you with us?

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Can you hear me?

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yes hey lila how are you good 15 years as a dominatrix okay

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no more netflix guests what netflix were you on

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and you published a book i'm like you are very interesting

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i like this yes i think my story is unique

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but i don't know if my problem necessarily is

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so i was on netflix how to build a sex room um

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that took place in my brick and mortar business location

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which was a dungeon in denver colorado i have never heard of

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that but now I know what I'm going to be Netflixing tonight.

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So thank you for that.

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Yeah, so on episode five and seven.

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So if you want to check it out.

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I'm going to do it.

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Okay, so yeah, tell me what it looks like to reinvent your career.

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Are you giving all that up?

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Yeah, so essentially, I became a pro dom in my early 20s, kind of more out of necessity than need, and ended up building kind of a big empire for myself, at least in the space.

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So I owned a brick and mortar location that employed multiple women.

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Aside from being on Netflix, I published a book called Bitcoin for Sex Workers that was completely crowdfunded so I could give it away for free.

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That then got me hired as a federal lobbyist in Washington, D.C for some major crypto companies.

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I then went on to do marketing for our nonprofit blockchain, a nonprofit that we had for the lobbying firm.

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And now I work as a marketing manager at a data company.

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I'm feeling like I kind of just followed a string that's kind of like ended for me because as you can imagine,

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the salary is very different working for somebody else.

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Yeah.

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Understood.

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Okay.

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So where what's the crossroads that you're at right now?

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Well, I guess my question is, I've been a successful business owner.

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Obviously, I've had all of these what I consider to be accomplishments that I feel like I can't necessarily publicly share without, you know, kind of making a spectacle

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because it is kind of a abnormal thing to be presenting to people in like a corporate world.

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And I find myself now starting my career, I'm 38 years old, kind of in a corporate position that is for somebody starting their career at the beginning.

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And I'm not really sure how to bridge the gap between my actual skill level

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that I can't really explicitly talk about to my career to where I could be,

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you know, getting a job that would maybe be more aligned with the salary expectations that I'm used to.

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Well, let me ask you

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because you know you've been successful in having your own business

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before why why work for someone else now what what made you want to do

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that why do you prefer it at this point

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so i think at first i was really excited to not

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be a business owner for a moment yeah i don't know

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if you can ever relate it's just it was just nice

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for a moment to be like okay i'm not the boss

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relax for a second yeah yeah i get what you're saying for sure um

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but i think i'm now reaching a place from like you

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know this like you know the three percent standard corporate raise every year isn't really sustainable.

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I'm struggling to get higher paying jobs because I'm struggling to articulate the things that I've accomplished.

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And I'd love to start a business, but I think I'm struggling to determine what?

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And then I kind of also wonder if my previous business was only successful because let's be real, that's an easy product.

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What's an easy product?

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Adult industry work, I think is an easy product.

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I mean, I listen, I have all sorts of businesses come across my table there's plenty

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that make no money so like you find it easy

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because for some reason it worked for you uh like i wouldn't discount yourself um all business is hard

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that being said there's a few things that i'm thinking about

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which is like one are you like at a corporate corporate job like we talking like fortune 500

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or like vc-backed company we are talking about a like smaller

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50 person tech company that's local in colorado oh interesting okay because my first thought was like

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why not try you know a more you know a smaller business

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because working your way up the corporate ladder it just seems

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like they they essentially have a corporate culture is what the issue is

451

yes you should have seen me googling what does eod mean

452

or b2b when i first left being a dom

453

and entered into this world it was a learning curve yeah

454

end of day business business yeah i understand um the second

455

thought i have is i i'm gonna be honest with you like it's tough

456

because like i would like to say like you know what nicole is like we need to change their minds

457

and we're gonna show them all the experience you have

458

and like but they're gonna see you differently no matter what especially

459

if it's guys and it's going to taint people's view of you

460

so like i don't disagree with you there at all um yeah i've thought about owning it

461

because I've tried to do personal branding, but it feels unaligned because I'm having to keep so much secret

462

that I feel like I'm struggling with like branding myself and all those types of things.

463

And I agree with you.

464

I think you're right.

465

Even though it would be a wonderful world to just be open about it, that's not our reality.

466

Well, I'm saying I don't think that it's going to help you get ahead in your career at this specific job.

467

But in terms of if you wanted to start your own business, why would it not?

468

What are you judging yourself for?

469

I don't know.

470

I think when you're in it, you feel like a victim.

471

Like as a marginalized sex worker, you're like, oh, everybody's against me.

472

There's no way anyone would take me seriously in the real world.

473

And then so I'm like, well, what if people find out?

474

And then I worry about that.

475

And I don't know if maybe I'm misaligned on that.

476

I think that shame only exists in the dark and that if you want to own your own story, then you need to own the narrative rather than let other people write it for you.

477

Because guess what?

478

They're going to find out no matter what.

479

I mean, shit, they'll find out from this fucking YouTube video.

480

So like, I have always taken a stance of like, I will always tell the whole truth and I will tell it first.

481

And I really, really would encourage you to do that because right now, you not wanting to tell the truth is preventing you from getting the life that you want.

482

Yes.

483

So like, do I think it's going to necessarily get you ahead in your job?

484

I mean, like, I don't really know these people, but like, by what you're saying, like, maybe not.

485

But like, I don't think it would hurt your job.

486

However, I think that you could absolutely have an amazing business if you were open about your past.

487

And you also just shared exactly what you shared with me, which is like, I don't want to tell these things because there's a, you know, to a degree in which like,

488

I am embarrassed or ashamed or whatever it might be.

489

But I am because of these reasons.

490

And here's all the things I've learned from this industry that I've taken forward into this business.

491

And here's what I, you know, how I got into marketing, all the things I've learned about it.

492

Like, that is such a powerful story versus like, I'm afraid to tell anyone about my past because I'm afraid that they won't take me seriously.

493

I have been wondering if it's a little bit of a ledge.

494

And that was one of my curiosities about what your opinion would be.

495

If it would be possibly set me apart by actually sharing the story instead of just being another person.

496

It will always set you apart because the truth always does.

497

People are drawn to people who tell the truth.

498

And even if that truth is ugly, the fact that you're willing to tell the truth in a world where

499

so many people aren't is what is so novel about you.

500

And I think that, like, even the way that you're saying it to me, like, listen, if I didn't think you telling the truth was a good idea, I would tell you not to.

501

If you were, like, on here and the way you were saying, the way you were talking, I was like, this isn't going to go well.

502

Like, it will go well for you, Nicole.

503

Like, it will go well for you.

504

You sound like you've got a good head on your shoulders.

505

You're smart.

506

You're ambitious.

507

You work hard.

508

like I think this is a very relatable story a lot of people could connect to

509

and I think that you're doing yourself

510

and a lot of other people a disservice by not sharing it

511

and all these other skills that you've learned you have this crazy you know career path

512

that you've experienced and you just don't want to share it because you're embarrassed that you were in the sex industry

513

yeah pretty much it's like well should half of the world be embarrassed

514

that they use the sex industry

515

because they do look at Pornhub clicks like number one site on the entire United States

516

So like people just don't talk about it, but they're all involved.

517

That is true.

518

Why am I worried about what the men think of me when they're the primary consumers?

519

I know, that's what I'm saying.

520

Like, well, you watched it anyways.

521

Okay, I've been mulling this over lately

522

and this was going to be my primary like takeaway was what you would think about just being telling the truth.

523

I think that you should just tell the truth, own it, use your story to propel your business, build your marketing business and get yourself out there.

524

I think it'll go really well for you.

525

Awesome.

526

Hell yeah.

527

I'd love to hear it.

528

Alright, I can't wait to see it, Nicole.

529

So, maybe you'll see me.

530

It's gonna be easy now.

531

Awesome.

532

Alright, thanks Nicole.

533

Now we are going to go into some rapid fire quick questions.

534

Sakina asked, I'm more ambitious than my husband, I honestly don't know what to do about it.

535

Well, that's not a question, Sakina.

536

However, I mean the question is this, which is like, is that a...

537

Why is that a problem?

538

Are you not attracted to your husband if he's not as ambitious as you?

539

Do you not feel connected to him because he's not as ambitious as you?

540

Do you resent him because he's not as ambitious as you?

541

Those are the things that would create a problem if it's just like, I think my husband should be more ambitious than me But he's not.

542

Well, that is like the society we live in right now

543

Which is like a lot of men are not as ambitious as they used to be

544

and a lot of women are more ambitious than they used to be

545

It's like this is a very common finagle that people find themselves in.

546

The question is do you have a problem with that or not?

547

And if you do, then it means you need to change something about the situation.

548

And if you don't, then who cares?

549

Just because what somebody told you it should look one way and it doesn't.

550

Ori asked, what's your best advice for a seven-figure founder trying to build real relationship with billionaires?

551

Good luck.

552

Listen, like I don't know.

553

I'm not one to be like go kiss ass

554

and get in the networking rooms and like

555

if you get in with a billionaire it's going to be

556

your key unlock i have been like i would rather take the path

557

that i'm going to build the skills to do it

558

and i'm not going to like need to rub shoulders with people

559

and kiss ass and go to these dinners and these fancy retreats

560

and islands with billionaires to try and like build my business

561

and to be honest it's worked really well for me i've just always said i'm not taking

562

that route because like i don't like prefer that um now

563

if you want to build relationships because you just want to have friendships with people who who are billionaires, I would say that like billionaires value their time more than anything.

564

So you would, you know, in many instances, have to give them a return on their time

565

or have to give them something in that time that they're not getting elsewhere or that money can't buy.

566

And that's a little tough.

567

I think like the way I've connected with billionaires in most

568

angles have been potential partnerships of we're both going to bring each other value from the relationship.

569

That's where I've connected with the most amount of billionaires in my life.

570

Danica asks, how do I maintain my new identity around old relationships?

571

I have no fucking idea what that means.

572

What does identity mean?

573

What do you mean around old relationships?

574

How do I maintain my new identity around old relationships?

575

Yeah, it's tough.

576

I think that until you get momentum, it's a little hard.

577

Like I've said this before.

578

It's like, I don't think you should cut people out necessarily.

579

I think I was a little extreme with that.

580

I don't think you need to cut everyone out forever.

581

But I think in the beginning when you're trying to make a pivot with your life, until you get some momentum in one area

582

and you trust yourself to be in situations where you can be exposed to those things and not have the same habit.

583

Because really what it is, you're breaking habits.

584

Those people are triggers for you to do an old habit, whatever that looks like for you.

585

You need to know where you're at a point where like you could enter that old situation, feel or experience the trigger, and then not go with the old habit, but instead create a new habit,

586

a new pathway, which is more aligned with the new you.

587

Marissa asked, do I go into business with my boyfriend of four months?

588

I mean, if you want to.

589

I mean, I went into business with my boyfriend of like four weeks.

590

So, obviously it didn't turn out well.

591

It worked out great for me.

592

But I am not using myself as a case study.

593

This is not typical.

594

This is an atypical case study.

595

Like, it's just a matter of if it doesn't go well, can you live with the downside?

596

And if you can live with the downside, you're totally fine with it, which is how I looked at it.

597

I was like, the downside's not that bad.

598

Then, sure, take the risk.

599

If the downside's something you can't live with, then I think it's like, you need to re-evaluate your options.

600

Luis asked, how do I find and attract the right kind of partner as a highly independent, driven, career-oriented woman?

601

You know, I don't think a guy cares about your career.

602

Like, I'm just gonna say it.

603

Like, my husband, like, everyone would see from the outside and be like, Oh, I'm sure like Alex,

604

like, I don't think he would love me any less if I had not wanted to be his partner.

605

I think he wouldn't have wanted to be with me if I didn't want to support him.

606

So one thing I just want to like put out there, which is like, what makes somebody really good at business doesn't mean that it makes them an attractive partner.

607

Like, I think we've conflated this, which is like, what attracts men to women?

608

Oh, Jesus.

609

Sorry, baby kick.

610

Um, what attracts?

611

Stop.

612

Shit.

613

Um, lord.

614

The reason I'm trying to dissect this for you is because it's like, how do I attract the right partner?

615

I'm highly independent, driven, career-oriented woman.

616

I have found that in my personal relationships with my husband and with friendships is that, like, my ability to be super hyper-independent, driven, career-oriented does not help my relationships at home.

617

In fact, it's quite the opposite.

618

It actually doesn't help them.

619

Like, I have had to learn how to have multiple hats.

620

If I show up how I show up at work with my friends and with my family, with my husband, it has not gotten me what I want in life.

621

Because think of the skills that help you get ahead in business.

622

It's like being direct, being assertive, telling people what to do, being aggressive, being like, and I'm not saying, oh my God, that's a bad thing.

623

But I'm saying different skills for different situations.

624

I don't really want a guy who's going to act like that towards me.

625

If my husband were to come home and be aggressive and direct and assertive with me, like maybe in certain situations, that's fine.

626

But like within the greater context of our relationship, I'd be like, dude, chill out.

627

You're being an asshole.

628

Because I want someone who's warm and empathetic and kind and all these other things.

629

That's the first thing I want to say to this question.

630

Now, the second one is if you want to get the right kind of person for you.

631

I don't know what the right kind of person for you is.

632

I think oftentimes that I see, because I have women come to me all the time, like, I can't find a guy.

633

He won't accept me for how I am.

634

I'm very driven and this and that.

635

I'm like, right, you're kind of mean to him.

636

Like, I wouldn't want to date you.

637

Like, I had to learn very early on that, like, how I show up at work is not how I show up as a wife or girlfriend at the time.

638

So, like, asking somebody to basically be okay with the fact

639

that you treat them the same way you treat your coworkers or your employees or your boss

640

is something I see a lot of women asking their like men in the relationship to do.

641

Whereas I don't think that we would accept that as women if a man asked us to do that.

642

Like it's weird.

643

I don't think guys do that to their wives.

644

I don't think they treat them like co-workers.

645

And I think that's probably because being really honest, men have been in the workplace.

646

There's been a conditioning for a lot longer.

647

So there's like a difference of like, they want to come home and like kind of check out.

648

Women, it's like, we're learning that right now.

649

It is, I mean like, Jesus, what?

650

It's been like, how many hundreds of years we've been in the workforce?

651

Not that many.

652

We couldn't even get our own credit cards fucking I don't even know how many years ago.

653

So like there is a lack of understanding

654

or split sometimes I see between like how you show up at work and how you show up in a relationship.

655

Zeynep asked, as a woman, how do you find the balance between maintaining a relationship and your career as a CEO?

656

Tough.

657

Not very good at it.

658

No.

659

Like seasons, like anything else like there i can like think of every year

660

that i've been in my marriage and did i improve

661

or degrade my marriage that year um or maintain it

662

and um i've just seen that like oftentimes like

663

when my marriage is doing really well um usually the business

664

is like in a really good spot it's maintaining etc the business is growing really fast

665

or not doing well usually that puts some strain on my relationships because I'm putting more attention there.

666

I would say the vice versa would be true.

667

Like if things are going super well in my marriage and I'm distracted or if things aren't going well and I'm distracted, that would also put a strain on my business.

668

So I don't really think that I'm great at maintaining balance in the short term.

669

I think that in the long term I am, which is like I know when it's the right season to focus on my business

670

or my marriage or myself or my friends

671

or whatever it might be just out of looking at like

672

what kind of life do I want to what kind of

673

person i want to be what i want my future to look like

674

and is this going to get me there is it not

675

maria asked how do you keep business partner friends from turning into just business partners interesting um i would say

676

that like pretty much anyone

677

that i've partnered with to a degree has been a friend

678

in some way um you don't stop doing the things you did

679

when you were friends like if you called

680

and talked to each other each night if you went to dinners

681

or lunches is like you keep doing those things and you keep talking about the things outside of the business

682

you know Sharon who's now CEO of ACQ um you know

683

we were friends for what six years before he came into

684

the business like we still talk about plenty of things outside of business I'll still go

685

and get lunch with him and his wife

686

and kids we'll still go meet up and like go on a walk

687

or just like shoot the shit or sometimes I just talk about saying that has nothing to do with business

688

because we were friends.

689

And so I don't like the fact that we, I guess we talk more now, now that we're business partners because we talk as friends and we talk as business partners.

690

Maybe that's a good solution.

691

You are going to allocate more time to this person if you want to maintain the friendship and the business partnership.

692

That's probably the answer.

693

Renee asked, I'm a 50% owner in my marketing agency, but my silent partners keep blocking pricing and hiring decisions that would grow it faster.

694

Should I just exit?

695

Honestly, I've tried to buy them out.

696

I don't know why you're trying to leave.

697

Like if you're the one that's actively growing it and you think you know what you need to do to grow it, then why wouldn't you stick by the business if they weren't there?

698

Trade-offs.

699

Like you can either have the business with the financial security and the silent partners so it doesn't grow.

700

You could have less financial security but you could have full autonomy and risk that it can grow or it could not.

701

It's just a matter of like, do I now want to make that trade?

702

Carter asked, how could I build the level of belief and resilience you and Alex have in relationships of any kind?

703

belief is an action it is a practice it is not a thought

704

or a feeling

705

so like i don't think about how i believe in my

706

husband every day i practice believing in my husband every day

707

i don't think about how you know i believe in our

708

marriage every day i practice believing in our marriage every day by the actions i take

709

so there are days where i don't feel it i don't

710

think it um plenty of days where either of us

711

and we are open about that by the way with each other

712

but we're also open about how we're not going to stop the actions

713

that create those things and neither of us ever have.

714

I think we've both just been really committed to taking the actions that create that belief,

715

create the love, create the dedication and the commitment and I don't believe everything I think.

716

You know every thought that pops into my head that maybe makes me want to doubt my relationship.

717

I don't choose to think it or to think it to be true

718

and every time I have a feeling that's negative about my relationship, I don't give it validity and act on it.

719

Um, instead I do the opposite, which is like when I'm feeling bad or thinking poorly about something, then I tend to act the opposite and try and teach my brain to follow the direction I want,

720

which is I want to have an amazing lifelong committed relationship with my husband.

721

And that, that is a lot of fucking work.

722

So like we're 10 years in and like, even just going from like, you know, I remember people be like just wait until you're 10

723

or 20 years and like it is your relationship becomes a different relationship every few years

724

and like you continue to learn um

725

and it's not easy at all relationships are not easy i

726

don't i feel like people see things on social media

727

and especially like even me and alex like do you know how much

728

and how hard we've had to work

729

and how much we talk about our relationship and communicate about it

730

and it is it is in its own work in itself

731

and it's about to be strained

732

because we're about to have a baby i'm not going to be able to put as much attention on it

733

And we've openly talked about that, like, this is gonna be hard.

734

I'm sure.

735

Do we have lots of resources? Of course.

736

Does it mean that we are immune to the, you know, natural ebbs and flows of relationships in life?

737

No. You just heard quite a few people talking about they want to do big stuff, they have a lot of ambition, but they still are trying to figure out, is that okay?

738

Is that not okay?

739

How do I keep close to the people I love?

740

How do I know I'm on the right path?

741

And I just want to say, like, what I've learned is, just because you're ambitious doesn't mean you have to push people away to chase that ambition.

742

I actually think that in order to be ambitious you need a lot of people supporting you

743

so that you as you support your ambitions have people supporting you.

744

It's almost like you derive your strength from your support system

745

and I think having a big strong support system is really important if you want to do big things in life.

746

But that takes work.

747

It takes work to keep people close.

748

It takes work to you know put effort into the thing

749

that you're ambitious about and to put effort into the relationships

750

and there is never a time we're you're gonna feel like you have it all the exact same time.

751

So I appreciate you guys calling in, I appreciate you writing in, and I will see you on the next one.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This video has 751 sentences and 9061 words to shadow. The speech runs for 42:14. The speaker talks fast, about 215 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
ambitious adjective	/æmˈbɪʃ.əs/	Having or showing ambition; wanting a lot of power, honor, respect, superiority, or other distinction.
ambition noun	/æmˈbɪʃ.ən/	Eager or inordinate desire for some object that confers distinction, as preferment, honor, superiority, political power, or fame; desire to distinguish one's…
label noun	/ˈleɪ.bəl/	A small ticket or sign giving information about something to which it is attached or intended to be attached.
priority noun	/pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/	An item's relative importance.
friendship noun	/ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/	The condition of being friends.
habit noun	/ˈhæb.ɪt/	An action performed on a regular basis.
attract verb	/əˈtɹækt/	To pull toward without touching.
uncertainty noun	/ʌnˈsɜːtənti/	Doubt; the condition of being uncertain or without conviction.
necessarily adverb	/ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/	Inevitably; of necessity.
chase verb	/t͡ʃeɪs/	To follow at speed.
essentially adverb	/ɪˈsɛnʃəli/	In essence: by nature.
certainty noun	/ˈsɝtn̩ti/	The state of being certain.
belief noun	/bɪˈliːf/	Mental acceptance of a claim as true.
colorado noun		A cigar of medium color and strength.
skill noun	/skɪl/	A capacity to do something well; a technique, an ability, usually acquired or learned, as opposed to abilities that are regarded as innate.

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Meaning
figure out verb	To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
end up verb	To bring to a conclusion.
find out verb	To discover, as by asking or investigating.
push through verb	To force (legislation or a plan) to be passed or agreed to or a decision to be reached.
show up verb	To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically.
catch up verb	To pick up suddenly.
check out verb	To record the departure or withdrawal of someone or something (such as guests, employees, books, etc.).
come across verb	To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition.

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 338 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: ambitious /æmˈbɪʃ.əs/, ambition /æmˈbɪʃ.ən/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/
Long words — get the stress right: priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, uncertainty /ʌnˈsɜːtənti/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, extraordinary /ɪksˈtɹɔːrdɪn(ə)ɹi/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like ambitious, ambition, label.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on	have been wondering · I've been mulling
“Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true	used to be
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	I've never really known · you've ever known · you've opened
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	is called · were influenced · are motivated

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

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Lean Beef Patty on Learning to Be Yourself Without Everyone’s Approval

Sallie runs into Andrew Tate at Dirty Boxing

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Phrasal verbs you will hear

Pronunciation to watch

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What is the Shadowing Technique?