Shadowing Practice: 9 Small Things That Will Help You Feel Amazing Again - Learn English Speaking with Video
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I have nine simple changes that I'm gonna share with you today
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that are gonna make a surprisingly big difference in your life.
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They're super easy to remember.
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It's almost like these are little life hacks
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that sit on top of the latest and most amazing research on how you can improve various aspects of your life.
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And I guarantee you, you'll be able to do most of them today.
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Hey, it's your friend
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Mel, and I'm so glad you're here.
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Welcome to the Mel Robbins Podcast.
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I am always so excited to be able to spend time together with you.
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And I want to start by thanking you for taking the time to listen to something that could help you be happier.
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Today's conversation is absolutely going to do that.
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And if you're brand new,
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I also want to personally welcome you to the Mel Robbins Podcast family and say you are listening to the perfect episode.
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Because I have nine simple changes that I'm going to share with you today
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that are going to make a surprisingly big difference in your life.
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And what I love about each one of these nine simple changes is
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that each one of them has its own kind of little fun way to remember it.
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I'm gonna teach you the little tricks to remembering these things.
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And what's also really awesome about these nine simple changes is
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that each one is a way that you can apply the latest research in an easy way to your life.
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And the fact is, there are lots of episodes that you
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and I do together where we get to sit with the world -renowned leading experts on topics ranging from neuroscience
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and habits and health and happiness and relationships, and they go so deep on a specific topic.
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And there are a lot more of those kind of episodes coming up that you're going to be able to listen to.
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But one of the things that I often struggle with is what to do with all that knowledge.
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I get so exciting to learn this stuff, but oftentimes times I'm left wondering, well, how do I remember this study?
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And more importantly, how do I apply it for maximum benefit in my life?
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And that's my mission with the conversation today.
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We're going to address that because today is all about these nine simple changes.
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These are simple sayings, kind of like a rule of thumb.
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They're super easy to remember.
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It's almost like
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These are little life hacks that sit on top of the latest
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and most amazing research on how you can improve various aspects of your life.
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And I guarantee you, the second you hear me explain each one, you're going to be like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense.
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Why did I not think about it that way?
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And you're also going to go, thank you, Mel, because the way that you just explained it and that simple little saying that you gave me,
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now I can remember it.
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And if I can remember it, I can apply it.
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And not only can you apply it,
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you want to know how simple these nine changes are? you'll be able to do most of them while you're listening.
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And the ones that you can't do while you're listening, you'll be able to do them today.
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That's how easy and impactful this is going to be.
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So let's just start with the very first little change that you're going to make.
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I want you to start repeating that phrase that my grandma used to say to me to yourself.
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Whether you think you can or can't, you're right.
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And let's unpack that because there is so much power packed into that one little sentence.
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Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right.
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And I'm going to give you an example.
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Let's say that you're in a situation where you would really love to get a better job.
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I mean, who doesn't want to get paid more?
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Who doesn't want to work somewhere where they feel valued and they're having fun and they're making a difference?
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If you think you can't get a better job, are you going to apply?
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Nope.
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Are you going to do the work on your resume if you think, well, I can't get a better job?
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Nope, you're not.
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Are you going to network with your parents' friends
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or reach out to college friends so that you can get a better job?
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Not if you think you can't.
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Are you gonna update your LinkedIn profile?
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Nope.
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Why?
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Because you think you can't.
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That mindset of thinking, I can't do that, stops you from taking action.
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And if you stop yourself from taking action because you think you can't do that, you're right, you can't do that.
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The mindset itself is what's stopping you from taking the actions that are gonna get the result that you want.
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Now let's flip it, okay?
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If you think you can get a better job, now what happens?
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Now you're opening the door to optimism, to hope.
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If you think you can get a better job by trying, you're going to want to try.
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You have a reason to try.
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You're gonna feel more resilient.
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And that's an example of a simple saying that packs
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so much research around mindset and psychology into something that you can say to yourself over and over and over again.
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Because if you say to yourself, if I think I can or I think I can't, I'll be right.
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One thing that you say, if I think I can, creates a mindset where you try.
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And when you try, that's what matters because it's all in the trying that you create the results.
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And so here's how you apply this first little change so that you create surprisingly big results in your life.
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Just start telling yourself, I can do that.
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I can try that.
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I think I can change my attitude.
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I can improve my relationship with my spouse.
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I can get in better shape.
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I can learn this AI coding thing if I wanted to because if you think you can,
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you'll be right because you're gonna be more likely to try.
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You're gonna open up the door to all kinds of opportunities because now, just through that small little tiny shift in your mindset,
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I think I can.
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You will make the effort.
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So remember, the first tiny little change that creates a surprisingly big difference, we're talking domino effect here,
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whether you think you can or you think you can't.
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You're right.
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So by gosh, you better tell yourself you can.
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Now let's go right in to the second little change that I want you to make.
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And honestly, I can't believe I didn't stumble into this one sooner.
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And I don't even know who to give credit to for this, but we're just gonna take it and run with it.
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So the little change number two is this.
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If you wanna get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed.
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What the heck?
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That is so obvious.
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If you wanna get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed.
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Do you know I've spent my entire life thinking about getting eight hours of sleep?
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I have been missing the obvious the entire time, and I bet you have too.
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Why did I not think about this?
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I mean, this is so kind of like one of those things that's like, duh.
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You know, I'm the kind of person that if I think, okay, I want to get eight hours of sleep tonight.
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I literally climb in bed at 10 o 'clock at night, and then I set my alarm at 6 a .m.
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That's eight hours.
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Do I get eight hours of sleep?
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No, because it takes time to fall asleep. In fact, one of the world's most renowned researchers in the science of
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sleep is none other than Dr. Rebecca Robbins at Brigham and Women's Hospital right here in Boston, Massachusetts.
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It's one of Harvard's many hospitals in the Boston area this is what she told me about the average time
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that it takes for someone to fall asleep.
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We think that we just should be able to crawl into bed and flip our brains off like a switch.
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Wrong.
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Sleep is a process.
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And so falling asleep actually takes time and more than a lot of people realize.
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Even a healthy sleeper with no problems should take about 15 or 20 minutes to fall asleep.
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I mean, 15 to 20 minutes on average, if you have no problems.
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And when I was mentioning this little simple change.
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You want to get hours of sleep?
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You better spend nine hours in bed.
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My friend and one of the producers on the show, Amy, she looked at her kind of sleep data and she's like,
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well, no wonder I consistently track at seven hours, 35 minutes.
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Why?
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Because like you and like me, she's climbing into bed at the exact time she thinks she needs to fall asleep.
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And then she sets her alarm for eight hours later.
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And we're not doing that anymore.
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You and I, we are making a little change that's gonna have a surprisingly big impact.
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Instead of you and I focusing on getting eight hours of sleep, nope, we're not gonna do that.
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We're gonna focus on spending nine hours in bed.
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Doesn't that just shift your mindset right away?
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Simple change, surprisingly big difference.
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And I want you to think about that in your own life.
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Think about it tonight.
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Instead of thinking that you need to get eight hours of sleep, I want you instead to go, oh, I gotta spend nine hours in bed.
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And you wanna know the cool thing?
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So let's just say that you're one of the lucky people that Dr. Rebecca Robbins was just talking about.
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You can fall asleep quickly.
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That's wonderful.
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15, 20 minutes, bada bing, bada boom.
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If you think about being in bed for nine hours
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and you fall asleep 20 minutes into climbing into that bed and then you wake up eight hours later, guess what?
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You've got 40 minutes to spare and you're now getting up even earlier than you thought.
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I mean, this is such a win for such a simple change.
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I just freaking love this.
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And while we're on the topic of sleep,
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I've got another little change that will make a huge difference in the quality of sleep and your ability to fall asleep.
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I call this the 5 -10 -20 rule.
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I'm gonna break it down in a minute, but this relates to all of this research that's out
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there right now about getting light exposure first thing in the morning
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and how if you get up and you get outside right away and you get exposure in your eyeballs right away,
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it resets your circadian rhythm and that helps you sleep at night.
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Now, all this research is super duper exciting.
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But the second that you hear, okay, the moment you get up in the morning, one of the best things
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that you can do in order to get a better night's sleep at night is to get yourself outside
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and get those UVs into your eyeballs.
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If you're like me and you hear this research, you want to do it.
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But then you immediately have questions.
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You're like, how long do I need to be out there?
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What if it's raining?
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What if it's cloudy?
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What if I can't get outside?
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What do I do?
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How much light is too much light?
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How am I supposed to remember all this stuff?
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Simple.
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All you need to remember is that the research says in order to sleep better at night,
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I got to bank some sunlight first thing in the morning.
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I got that.
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That's why you're going to think of the 5 -10 -20 rule.
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Because when I hear 5 -10 -20, I think about getting cash at a bank.
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And when you go to a bank and you get cash, they give it to you in 5 -10s and 20s.
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And I remember when I was younger and I was waitressing and I was a bar back,
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there would be nights where I would be the one closing down the restaurant and ending the shift.
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And I would have to tally all the cash and close it all out.
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And then they give you this big envelope that you zip.
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And then you go to the bank and you drop it into the night deposit box.
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And so 5, 10, 20, which is what was in that envelope.
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So when I would drop it off into the night deposit box, that was what was going into the bank.
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And for you and me, we got to bank either 5, 10 or 20.
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And here's how this works.
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If it's sunny outside, you need to be outside for five.
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You got to bank five minutes.
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If it's cloudy, can you guess how much time you need?
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Bingo, look how smart you are.
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10, that's right.
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Give yourself 10 minutes outside if it's cloudy.
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And if it's rainy, how long do you think you need to be out on your porch?
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Boom, you got it, 20.
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That's the 5, 10, 20 rule.
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Sunny five, cloudy 10, rainy 20 or sit next to your window for 20 minutes.
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That's it.
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That's how you remember this research
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that you got a bank UV light first thing in the morning to reset the circadian rhythm
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and that helps you get a better night's sleep.
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And the 5 -10 -20 is a simple rule of thumb
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that you can follow that will help you apply it no matter what the weather is.
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Isn't that awesome?
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Little change, surprisingly big difference.
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And that brings me to number four.
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Now, Henry David Thoreau said, an early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day.
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Your friend Mel Robbins is telling you a little walk is a solution to 93 % of your problems.
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I'm going to explain this.
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Let's just say you got a report due at work.
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You've been working on it.
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It's super stressful.
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It's due in literally a couple hours and your head is spinning.
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You're so overwhelmed.
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That's a problem.
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The deadline is looming.
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Your head is spinning.
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The solution to that problem, to feeling overwhelmed in that moment, it's to take a walk.
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Because in that situation, you don't think you have time, but the truth is you don't have time to waste sitting there spinning.
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And a 10 minute walk is the solution to that problem because it's gonna reset your mind.
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This is all based on research.
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It's gonna improve your productivity.
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It'll spark new ideas so that when you walk back in and you sit down,
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boom, you're ready to focus and you will get that puppy done.
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Let me give you another one.
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Let's say that the person that you've been seeing suddenly sends you a text and says, you know, I've been thinking, this isn't gonna work out.
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That's a problem.
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You're heartbroken, you're disappointed, maybe you're super annoyed that they did it by text.
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Instead of firing off an angry response or sitting there with that text message feeling like a rejected loser,
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because what's gonna happen if you do that?
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You're either gonna send something that you regret
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or you're going to get completely overwhelmed by your emotions and that's going to make you feel even worse.
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What is the solution to the disappointment that you feel when you get a text like that out of the blue?
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I'll tell you the solution.
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Take a little walk.
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Because walking lifts your mood.
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It reduces the intensity of the disappointment.
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It also allows you to step away and get objectivity from that thing that immediately stressed you out,
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which was that text message and it creates a break from the flood of negative emotions.
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And as you're out there walking, the rhythm of the movement and the change of the scenery can help you clear your mind.
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It makes it easier for you to gain perspective and calm down
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and start to move forward and actually choose what you're going to do as the response instead of acting out of reaction,
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which you're always gonna regret.
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All of this based on research.
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Little walk, big difference.
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Here's another example.
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Let's say your mom calls and tells you that the test that they ran on your dad came back and it's bad.
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They think your dad has cancer.
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Your heart sinks.
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Your worst fears just flood through your brain.
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You hang up the phone, you start to cry.
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Now, let me tell you something.
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If you immediately go and log on to WebMD and you go down that research spiral, you're gonna feel worse, you're gonna feel powerless,
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and that's gonna be a major problem.
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Why?
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Your parents need you to process what you're feeling
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and get to a point where you can think clearly so you can help them, so that you can be supportive through this whole thing.
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So the solution to this really big problem, go for a little walk.
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The walk isn't gonna change the fact that your dad has this diagnosis.
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What it does is it changes you, your state of mind, your physiology, your mood, your emotions.
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Based on the research, going for a little walk makes a big difference
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because you're gonna be able to process this information
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and it gives you space from your emotions so you're not overwhelmed by them.
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And that's gonna let you walk back in with new ideas and a much more strategic response to the situation.
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Here's another example.
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Let's just say you finish dinner and now,
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like me, you are craving a bowl of ice cream with hot fudge sauce and some salted peanuts on top,
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and you can tell that I always crave that little sundae, right?
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Well, that can be a problem, especially if you've made a commitment to eat less sugar and lay off the desserts every night.
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So the solution to that problem of when that craving hits, go for a little walk.
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Why?
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Well, studies have found that a 15 -minute walk curbs cravings for chocolate.
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It reduces the amount of chocolate you even eat in stressful situations.
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Other research shows that going for a walk after dinner not only helps you reduce stress and helps you digest,
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but it also helps you process insulin.
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How freaking cool is that?
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Who knew a little walk could do so much?
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Here's another one.
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You just had an argument with a roommate.
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over the fact that your roommate's significant other is always at your place.
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They never go to their place.
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They're always at your place.
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And so you now live with two people, not one person.
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And it's starting to feel weird.
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So you bring it up and then they blow up you
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and it's really tense conversation and they walk into their bedroom door and they shut the door.
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This moment's a problem
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because you then start to question the fact that you drew a boundary
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and then you're gonna wanna feel if you stay in that space, like you need to then go knock on the door in a poly,
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it's okay, I didn't mean it, I'm just all stressed out.
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The solution to this problem is going for a little walk.
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Because as you're learning, the power of a simple walk is extraordinary.
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By walking it off, that is a phrase, you're gonna gain clarity, you're gonna gain perspective over why this issue is important to you
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and why it's important that you become the kind of person that does express the boundaries and the requests that you have.
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And that's going to help you walk back into the apartment and realize it's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's emotions.
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And it's not your responsibility to manage your roommate's disappointment.
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It is your responsibility to ask for what you need.
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And that's all that you did.
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And the truth is about a walk is
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that it's not gonna erase the problems that you're gonna face in your day -to -day life.
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And it doesn't erase mine either.
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The reason why a little walk works as one solution for
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so many problems that you face is because of how it changes you so quickly.
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How you feel, your mood, the clarity of your mind, and that changes your ability to come back and deal with things differently.
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When you're in control of your response, you have the power to solve 100 % of the problems you face.
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And that's why it's so cool.
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And it also has this magical, powerful effect to opening you up to different solutions
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that you never can see for yourself if you're still standing in your apartment
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or searching on WebND or sitting there rage texting at someone that broke up with you.
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So Henry David Thoreau said, an early morning walk is a blessing for the whole day and your friend
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Mel Robbins is reminding you, a little walk is a solution to 93 % of your problems.
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And that brings me to little change number five.
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I told you this was going to surprise you.
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Here's what it is.
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One of the little things that I remind myself of all the time, stop talking.
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I think I've spent a lot of my life feeling like I got to participate in every conversation.
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I got to have an opinion on everything.
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I got to make sure I get in the last word, whether it's at work or family in particular.
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And when you stop talking, a whole different world opens up to you.
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It's kind of hard to do if you're somebody who is used to asking questions and having an opinion, but try this.
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Go into work or into class this week and be quiet.
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Don't say anything.
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And notice how different everything is.
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Or when you're having dinner with your family. Be quiet.
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Ask questions if you want.
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But stop talking.
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There are two ways stop talking has made a big difference in my life.
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The first is in helping me grow.
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Because when you're the one talking, you're not learning anything.
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It's when you're listening or when you're reading or when you're taking a class, when that input is coming in, that's when you learn and grow.
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I remember a couple of years ago, I was talking to a friend of mine,
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and this was back when my career was really about motivational speaking.
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And I was saying, you know, I feel really burnt out.
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I feel like I just am stale.
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I'm not getting any better at this craft.
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I'm not feeling like I'm growing.
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Something's up.
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I don't know what it is and my friend said to me, well, I know exactly what you're talking about because I felt that way too.
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And then I decided to stop talking.
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And I said, what do you mean you decided to stop talking?
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You're still getting paid to do speeches.
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And he said, no, no, no. I decided that I would stop talking so much and I would prioritize instead of standing on that stage talking,
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I would make sure that at least 10 times a year, I found myself sitting in the audience listening.
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And that really struck me because I realized in that moment, my whole life was about output, speaking, creating, doing all this stuff.
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And I wasn't getting the input I needed.
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And so one immediate change that I made after
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that conversation was I signed up to go to two events where I could sit in an audience.
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Another one is I dedicated time every week to just input,
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reading a book, watching someone else on stage who's masterful and learning from them,
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taking an online course on a topic that I was interested in, all that input helped me grow.
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And you're not growing when you're talking.
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You grow and learn when you're listening.
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And the second way that this made a huge difference in my life is it taught me
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that you don't always need to have the last word.
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It's amazing how often you'll find that you offer an opinion just because you think you should.
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It's amazing how often you can get pulled into these conversations where it's just one person
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and then the other trying to get the last word in.
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The truth is not everything deserves a response.
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Not everyone deserves an explanation.
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Stop talking.
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Not every conversation is one that you need to participate in.
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Stop talking and start practicing being quiet and not having an opinion.
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Oftentimes protecting your peace and not getting involved and just listen, don't talk is going to make you happier.
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And one other thing, if you're in a conversation with somebody and it's argumentative or it's tense, stop talking.
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I'm not talking silent treatment stuff here.
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I just stop talking.
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Lower your voice when you do.
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It signals that you're in control.
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So stop talking and you're going to get your awareness, your confidence, and a whole different world is going to open up to you.
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Sometimes silence is way more powerful than chiming in and your peace is worth protecting.
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So stop talking.
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All right, that brings me to number six.
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I love, love, love this one.
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And if you struggle with ADHD or clutter, you're going to love this too.
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Number six, put things back where they belong.
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This little change, just tiny change has made a huge difference in clutter and organization for me, that when you find something,
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put it where it belongs.
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It just takes less than a minute to do the right thing.
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And then you are one item at a time, not allowing clutter to build up.
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I do this every single day in almost every room that I walk in.
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If I see something that is out of place, I put it where it belongs.
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And if you adopt this little change, you see something, it's out of place, put it where it belongs.
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You'll be shocked at how much more organized your house is.
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In fact, I'll tell you a story about something that happened today.
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So the Vermont studios are above my garage.
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And today we were working on this awesome episode about owls.
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And I had all of these like objects and things that I was using to show in the YouTube video.
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And when we were done with the taping, there was a pile of stuff up here that all belonged in different places.
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You know what the old me would have done before this rule?
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I probably would have left it up here.
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and then it would become not a little pile, but a gigantic volcano of things that started piling up that did not belong here.
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So instead, I kind of use this rule, just touch it once.
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I loaded all of the little objects into a big bowl, and then I brought it into the kitchen,
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which is where one of the items belong.
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That's all I needed to do, check.
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I put the bowl where it belonged.
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30 minutes later, I was done with lunch, and I was walking back through the kitchen.
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Now, inside the bowl was a pair of swim trunks and a little owl statue.
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I know you're thinking, what was she doing?
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Doesn't matter.
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These were objects that belong in my bedroom.
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Now, I could have just as easily walked right past them
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and gone right on up above the garage to get back to work, but I have this rule.
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If you see something out of place, put it where it belongs.
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So I scooped those things up.
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It took me 30 seconds to walk to the bedroom.
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I put it down, boom, done done.
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And when I got into the bedroom, you know what I saw?
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I saw a shirt that was on top of my bed.
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And the shirt was there because I couldn't find my eye mask last night because somebody didn't put it where it belongs.
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I have no idea where it is.
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And so last night I used a t -shirt as an eye mask.
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And so when I woke up, I made the bed.
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And if you've ever used a t -shirt as an eye mask to block the light while you sleep, what happens?
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The t -shirt actually rolls off your face in the middle of the night and gets trapped underneath the pillows.
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And so I made the bed, but I didn't find the t -shirt.
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I came back in and the t -shirt was on top of the bed.
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I don't know if Chris put there.
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I don't know why it was there.
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The old me would have taken that t -shirt and tucked it under the pillows.
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Does it belong there?
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No, it belongs in the closet.
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So a simple change.
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You see something out of place, put it where it belongs.
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Picked it up, fold it, rolled it, tucked it in the drawer, 10 seconds later, boom.
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I love that.
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Don't put things back where you found them because that would have meant tucking that thing under the pillowcase.
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Put things where they belong.
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It takes 30 seconds.
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It'll make you feel so much more organized.
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And on top of it, it is an incredibly little change that makes an enormous difference.
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And I bet as you're listening, whether you're sitting in your car or even walking or you're at home,
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if you look around, there is something around you that does not belong in the room that you're in.
429
Put it where it belongs when we're done with this episode.
430
That brings me to the seventh little change that makes a surprisingly big difference.
431
Wait a week.
432
If you're the kind of person who's impulsive with your money, like I used to be, wait a week.
433
And the principle here is this.
434
Wait a week means you're giving yourself a cooling off period.
435
Because the truth is, you're always going to be excited by the idea of buying something
436
that you don't need and that you don't have the money for.
437
I mean, right?
438
You'd be like staring at this thing, this new pair of shoes, and you're like all excited because,
439
you know, for me, I am a freak about Birkenstocks.
440
And when they come out with the fake shearling Birkenstocks for the fall, I look and they have a different colorway in the spring.
441
I look at those and I'm like, oh my gosh, these are so cool.
442
And I get all excited and I imagine myself in these things and I fricking love Birkenstocks.
443
But the truth is, I don't need them.
444
In fact, I'm wearing a pair right now,
445
but I can just imagine seeing the brand new colors and feeling the excitement and just really wanting it.
446
And you know how good it feels when you go click and you purchase it?
447
Oh my gosh.
448
if you don't need it or you can't afford it, wait a week.
449
And the fact is, if you can't afford to buy it twice, then you can't afford to buy it once.
450
It's kind of another rule of thumb.
451
But the main thing that you
452
and I are struggling with is the shocking amount of useless stuff that we buy on impulse that we don't need.
453
Because I don't know if you've noticed this, but why is every social media platform now a 24 -7 online shopping network?
454
Like there is so much stuff in your face to buy that this wait a week thing,
455
holy cow, has it saved me from so many shop now, tap, click, let's go purchases.
456
So if you see something that you want and it's more than a hundred bucks, wait a week.
457
This is genius because you're not saying, I don't need that.
458
I can't afford that.
459
You're not shaming yourself.
460
What you're doing is you're being smart.
461
When you say wait a week, you are rising above your emotions and you're not allowing your excitement
462
and the thrill of the buying and the distraction
463
and the immediate gratification to lead you to doing something
464
that you either can't afford or that you don't need or that's just dumb.
465
You work hard for your money.
466
Why be stupid with it?
467
I'll tell you what, wait a week, little change.
468
surprisingly huge difference.
469
And I wish I could pull up my Amazon shopping cart right now, because it is full of things that I've gone,
470
boop, put in cart, but I'm going to wait a week.
471
They've been sitting there for months.
472
Because once the initial, I need that thing that just popped up is gone, you realize you don't need it, or you don't want it,
473
or you can't afford it, or that you're not that stupid to waste your money
474
that you've been working really hard to make on something dumb like that.
475
And it's going to save you money.
476
It's going to make you smarter, and it's going to help you rise above the emotion
477
and the algorithm and the way that this stuff is in your face all day.
478
Wait a week, and I promise you, you will see a big difference.
479
And that brings me to little change number eight.
480
Have you ever heard that eyes are the window to the soul?
481
Shakespeare said that.
482
They are also a way to holding eye contact with somebody.
483
Here's a little trick.
484
I love this.
485
The next time you're talking to someone, notice the color of their eyes.
486
It is the easiest way to train yourself to practice eye contact.
487
This little change, noticing the color of someone's eyes,
488
has made a huge difference in my life because holding eye contact was something that I used to struggle with.
489
It's actually a super common symptom of ADHD to kind of look around or look up when you're thinking.
490
And for a long time, I was so self -conscious about the fact that,
491
you know, I'd be trying to look at somebody in the eyes and then my eyes would dart left or right.
492
And I was self -conscious about it because number one, I thought it was disrespectful.
493
And number two, there is this myth that when someone is looking away, they're lying to you.
494
And so I would catch myself looking away and then being like, oh my gosh, they're gonna think I'm lying.
495
Looking at someone's eyes and noticing, like really noticing the color of their eyes,
496
it not only helps you to make eye contact, but it gives you something that you can truly appreciate and compliment about somebody else.
497
Because if you truly take the time to notice someone else's eyes.
498
The color is so unique and mesmerizing and different.
499
You know, you don't want to be creepy about this.
500
You don't want to like death stare at people, but it also like, gosh, you've got amazingly cool eyes.
501
Are they hazel or are they green?
502
Wow.
503
It's just something you can compliment people on.
504
And the more that you do it, the more comfortable you are holding eye contact with someone, which is a display of confidence.
505
It makes you be more present with people.
506
Research shows that holding eye contact while you talk
507
and kind of nodding a little bit displays that you're listening and that you care about what the person's saying.
508
And so this isn't just something that's polite to do.
509
It demonstrates something about you that impacts the way the other person thinks about you, the quality of the connection, the reputation that you have.
510
It's really a little change that has a surprisingly big difference in your life.
511
And that brings me to the final little change, number nine.
512
And it's smile.
513
Yep, smile.
514
The research on just forcing yourself to put a little smile on your face is shocking.
515
And look, if you're in a massive breakdown
516
or your fiance just called off the wedding or you're grieving or you feel depressed, you don't have to force yourself to smile.
517
You should feel what you need to feel.
518
But for most days, a little change that makes a surprisingly big difference is forcing yourself to smile.
519
And let me tell you why.
520
It's sort of like, are you the kind of person,
521
I'm the kind of person that's constantly worried about my posture because I find myself hunched over.
522
My grandmother had a very like hunched over hump on her back and I think, I don't want to look like that.
523
And so I'm constantly like rolling my shoulders back, right?
524
And pulling my shoulders back because I'm hunched over computer, I'm hunched over phone, so are you.
525
A smile is the same thing only for your face and your emotions.
526
And I am shocked now that I am focused on this little daily change, just, you know, as you're listening to me,
527
practice pulling your sides of your mouth up towards your ears.
528
Seriously, practice doing it.
529
I'm doing it right now, and everybody watching on YouTube can see it.
530
It kind of does something.
531
It's weird.
532
And what I've found now that I'm trying to make this little change, whenever I catch myself, smile.
533
It's shocking to me how often my facial expression isn't resting you -know -what face.
534
I'm like frowning or I'm serious and I look mad.
535
And I wanna tell you a little bit about the research related to making yourself smile.
536
Because I was surprised to find out
537
that happiness researchers have been at battle over whether or not a smile actually scientifically can make you happier.
538
And so this researcher over at Stanford, Nicholas Coles, He was one of these researchers that was like,
539
I don't know, can a smile make you happy?
540
He was kind of on the fence because there was all this conflicting stuff going on in the scientific community.
541
So he was like, that's it.
542
I'm going to settle this puppy once and for all.
543
And so he conducts this huge research project that got together the researchers
544
that didn't think smiles make you happy and the research camp that thought, well, yes, of course they make you happy
545
and they did this huge study collecting data from 3 ,800 participants in 19 countries.
546
They analyzed all the data and here's what they found, settling the debate once and for all.
547
Researchers found a noticeable increase in happiness from participants who either looked at photographs of other people smiling
548
and then tried to mimic the smile they saw in the photo or from simply pulling their mouth towards their ears.
549
Like this, like that's freaking crazy.
550
Like you can do a fake smile where you like make yourself pull your lips towards your ears
551
and do a fake smile.
552
That's crazy.
553
And basically what they're saying is that they believe that there is this facial feedback thing happening.
554
that when you make that expression, it sends data to your brain and your emotions telling you that you're okay.
555
And it's true, isn't it?
556
That when you see someone smile, you smile.
557
When you hear someone laugh, you laugh.
558
You know, the researchers were very clear to say, you know, forcing yourself to smile is not going to yank you out of depression.
559
And will it solve all your problems?
560
No. But interestingly, when you make this little change, and it's just something little you can do,
561
and you make yourself smile on the days that you don't kind of feel like meh, you're going to feel better.
562
And now you know there is a scientific benefit to doing it.
563
And so let me remind you of the nine little changes that make a surprisingly big difference in your life.
564
Number one, whether you think you can or can't, you're right, your mindset matters.
565
So you better think you can because that's gonna make you try.
566
The second little change, if you wanna get eight hours of sleep, spend nine hours in bed.
567
The third little change, five, 10, 20, Bank those sunlight hours for better sleep.
568
And let me prove to you that you remember this.
569
You're gonna bank five, 10, or 20.
570
How much time for sunlight?
571
That's right, five.
572
What if it's cloudy day?
573
That's right, 10.
574
What if it's raining or you're sitting next to a window?
575
That's right, 20.
576
Good for you.
577
See how this works?
578
Bank five, 10, 20.
579
The fourth little change you're gonna make is remembering that a walk is a solution to 93 % of your problems.
580
Not because it erases the problem that's in front of you, but because it changes you for the better.
581
And that helps you solve the problem.
582
Little change number five, stop talking.
583
Protect your peace, hold on to your power.
584
If you want to learn, you got to be listening.
585
Stop talking.
586
And the sixth little change, don't put things back where you found them.
587
Put them where they belong.
588
wrong.
589
Holy cow, has that made me more organized and has it made our house have way less clutter.
590
And number seven, wait a week.
591
Wait a week.
592
I know it feels good to buy all that stupid stuff that you don't need, but wait a week.
593
You are way more powerful than your emotions and you work super hard for your money,
594
so I want you to stop spending it on stupid things.
595
And if you can't afford it twice, you can't afford to buy it once.
596
So wait a week.
597
Little change number eight, when you're talking to someone, notice the colors of your eyes.
598
The more you do this, the more present you are, the more confident that you feel,
599
the more you deepen the relationships and the connections that you have with other people.
600
And little change number nine, all throughout the day.
601
Just notice your facial expression and put a smile on your face.
602
I promise you, you'll feel a little better.
603
And one more thing, in case no one else tells you, I wanted to be sure to tell you that I love you
604
and I believe in you and I believe in your ability to create a better life.
605
And I know that you now have nine little changes
606
that you can do today and every day that will make a shockingly big difference.
607
Now go do them and I will be waiting for you in the very next episode.
608
I'll see you there.
609
And for you on YouTube, thank you for being here.
610
And you know what would put a smile on my face?
611
Hit subscribe.
612
My goal is to make sure that 50 % of the people that are watching this channel are subscribers.
613
It supports the channel.
614
It tells me that you love these videos.
615
And speaking of videos that you love, and thank you for subscribing, I recommend that you check out this one.
616
It'll definitely put a smile on your face.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “9 Small Things That Will Help You Feel Amazing Again”. This video has 616 sentences and 7194 words to shadow. The speech runs for 40:37. The speaker talks at a natural 177 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| belong verb | /bɪˈlɒŋ/ | To have its proper place. |
| surprisingly adverb | /səˈpɹaɪzɪŋli/ | In a way that causes surprise because it is unexpected, or unusual. |
| emotion noun | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data. |
| asleep adjective | /əˈsliːp/ | In a state of sleep; also, broadly, resting. |
| mindset noun | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one. |
| researcher noun | /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/ | One who researches. |
| gosh | /ɡɑːʃ/ | A mild expression of surprise or enthusiasm. |
| shock noun | /ʃɔk/ | A sudden, heavy impact. |
| boom verb | /bum/ | To make a loud, hollow, resonant sound. |
| cloudy adjective | /ˈklaʊ̯diː/ | Covered with or characterised by clouds. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| bedroom noun | /ˈbɛdˌɹum/ | A room in a house, apartment, hotel, or other dwelling where a bed is kept for sleeping. |
| input noun | /ˈɪnpʊt/ | The act or process of putting in; infusion. |
| nope | /noʊp/ | No. |
| happiness noun | /ˈhæpinɪs/ | The emotion of being happy; joy; elation. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| come back verb | To return to a place. |
| get up verb | To move in an upward direction; to ascend or climb. |
| look around verb | To inspect a building or area. |
| look away verb | To ignore something; to pretend not to have seen or noticed something; to avoid dealing with something. |
| blow up verb | To explode or be destroyed by explosion. |
| build up verb | To erect; to construct. |
| call off verb | To recall; to cancel or call a halt to. |
| calm down verb | To become less excited, intense, or angry. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- I mean, who doesn't want to get paid more?
- Doesn't that just shift your mindset right away?
- What if I can't get outside?
- I know you're thinking, what was she doing?
- I don't know, can a smile make you happy?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on | have been missing · You've been working · you've been seeing |
| “Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true | used to say · used to be |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've spent · you've made · have found |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | somebody who is · someone, which is |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 275 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, gonna, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: rhythm /ˈɹɪð.əm/, thumb /ˈθʌm/, sixth /sɪksθ/, seventh /ˈsɛvənθ/, grandmother /ˈɡɹæn(d)ˌmʌðɚ/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, gosh /ɡɑːʃ/, shock /ʃɔk/, facial /ˈfeɪ.ʃəl/, exposure /ɪkˈspəʊ.ʒə(ɹ)/
- Long words — get the stress right: surprisingly /səˈpɹaɪzɪŋli/, disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/, participate /pɑːˈtɪs.ɪ.peɪt/, participant /pɑːɹˈtɪsəpənt/, reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like belong, surprisingly, emotion.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.