Shadowing Practice: Asking 20 and 30 Year Olds About Their Biggest Regrets in Life - Learn English Speaking with Video

Over the last three years, I have asked more than a thousand people of all ages in over 35 countries one question.

What is one thing that when you were younger, you put a lot of importance on?

And as you've gotten older, you realized it wasn't worth worrying about.

Usually we speak with older people, age 60 and up.

But along the way, I've met some young people with really interesting stories and life lessons.

And their answers have taught me more about life than any book, video, course, or school could.

And in this video, I'll be sharing some of the most insightful, emotional, and knowledgeable answers that we have heard to date.

What is something that when you were younger, you put a lot of importance on, and as you got older, you realized wasn't as important?

I feel like a lot of what my focus was when I was younger is other people's opinions.

And now all I really care about is I respond to these opinions, and obviously only the circle of my loved ones.

I should have just listened to my intuition and I shouldn't have considered

so many opinions and I shouldn't have cared for so much.

And it should have just been about what really mattered, not at that point in time, but possibly in the many years to come.

Changing myself, like changing my personality to hang out with a lot of different people was,

I don't know, now I'm 30 and I'm like, I think I'm good.

I worried about what other people think.

Do you still?

Yes, but I'm learning not to.

Okay.

Yeah.

I'm learning to own myself and accept the fact that I have no control over what other people think about me.

Yeah, none.

None.

So, you can think I'm an asshole, you can think I'm an idiot, you can think that I'm a genius, none of it matters.

Right.

You know?

And you can do the right thing, you can do the wrong thing, people will still have an opinion.

Well, and that's the thing, I've learned that it's not about doing the right or wrong thing, because it's actually so subjective subjective and it's so nuanced and

so there's no making a right or wrong decision it's just making a decision

and owning the decision and you might acknowledge

that decision was perhaps not the the one

that you would be making now

but that's not to say it was the wrong decision it's just a decision right yeah

and no matter what it is people will have opinions exactly

and so how are we able to acknowledge that the other voices are so much louder if we let them be.

But if we only listen to ourselves, you know, perhaps that might be a different exercise.

And so it's finding the balance.

Absolutely.

We all feel love in certain ways, depending on how we grew up and how our parents are.

And so, you know, when I would do something well, I would get attention, right?

I would get love and if I got good grades or if I won an award.

And so I put a lot of value and self-worth on doing something good.

So I thought that I had to receive love by doing.

And for me, when I became really, really sick, I wasn't doing anything.

And so I felt very unworthy.

Like who would like me if I don't have a job?

Who would like me if I'm not making money?

Who would like me, you know, if I don't live on my own or I don't have all these accomplishments?

And so, you know, that was a big one for me.

And I would say the other biggest one is I was never taught to find answers inside.

You know, our heart is really like this is the treasure chest.

This is where all the gold is.

I don't know about you growing up, but I heard things like, don't listen to your heart.

Like, that's silly, right?

But yeah, yeah, you know, or you got to be realistic or, you know, be logical.

She's shaking her head.

Yeah, yeah.

Do you want to move over one?

No, I like to be in the center of the shot.

Where do I go?

I think you'll get more views.

Right.

There.

I'm going to do this.

What?

Why are you tired already?

We didn't even start.

Do you guys see this?

My god.

What would you say is the difference between people who have it more figured out versus those that are still lost?

I think the people that seem pretty well established and like they're thriving in life block out a lot of the noise.

It's like I think they focus a lot on themselves

and a little bit less on the people around them and what they're doing.

I think also growing up there's a lot of people in our lives

that we compare ourselves to constantly and as we grow up, the more we do that, the more it restricts how much you're able to find yourself.

And those people that I know

that I think have figured it out just spend a lot of time thinking about themselves

and not thinking so much about what everyone else they know is doing.

Everyone has such different priorities, so as soon as you start comparing to what other people are doing,

you're immediately, you're going to feel lost because you don't understand where that value stems from because it's not your own.

And I think that might hold a lot of people back in their 20s from really enjoying it, finding themselves.

I think you gotta stop caring how other people think about you, you know?

Like friends and family, that's what's important, right?

Fuck the rest.

You don't need to care about someone else, you know?

Like, why do you care about people who don't care about you, right?

Life gets much, much, much, much, much easier if you have that mindset.

What's a big mistake you've made or a big regret you have that taught you a valuable lesson in life?

I was spending too much on worrying about things that never happened.

So I stopped worrying about the future.

Like when I was broke, I thought I would be much, much happier.

I don't worry about things.

My everyday is going to be the best.

Now I have savings enough to enjoy my life, rest of my life.

But still, same days, same day, same life.

It gets easier if you have money.

But that's it.

That's the only thing that money can do, I think your mental health, your human relationships, money can do anything about it.

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And that's what's important in your life, right?

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Like more than money.

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Human relationship, that's very important, I think.

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All I cared about was my job, my work.

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Now, the only thing I care about is spending time with my loved ones.

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Yes, money is important, but nothing is more important than spending time with your loved ones

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because you really don't know how much time you have loved with them.

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And I had to realize this in a hard way.

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Back in 2022, my best friend passed away in a skydiving accident.

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I remember that entire summer, I was always working and I was taking summer school courses.

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And she was texting me, let's hang out, let's do this.

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And I kept making excuses.

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Of course, I loved her and she was my best friend, but I was still focused on this vision that I had that I kind of put my loved ones aside.

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And that's my biggest regret.

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I wish I had spent more time with him.

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I'm sorry.

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That's terrible.

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Now that's what I do all the time.

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Whatever I'm doing, I make sure that I at least spend a couple hours with my loved ones that day.

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In 2017, I was given five years to live, and I did every kind of treatment,

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Eastern, Western medicine, and eventually I just had a doctor look at me and say, I'm really sorry, but there's nothing we can do.

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We don't take the time to find happiness in every moment.

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We don't take the time to love every single moment, right?

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Whatever it is.

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So every moment after that feels like a gift.

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I don't take it for granted.

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I feel like, oh my God, I woke up today.

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Like, no way.

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If I'm trying to figure my life out and feeling like I'm not down the right path, what's a question I could ask myself to maybe get closer to it?

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Who am I really when people are not looking?

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What is the one thing that I love doing that I could do for free for the rest of my life?

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What are the last things I like to see in my

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final moments is one that's kind of really hard to think about.

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I think of the last five minutes of my life, I really think that the last moments of my life are going to be the longest

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and I might be there for a while and I don't want that movie to be bad.

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I want to just, you know, leave with a smile on my face and just think about

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that I left it all on the table and just go out in peace.

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People are shit scared of change, right?

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Change is beautiful.

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Change is where you learn the most.

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Change is where you really understand yourself, where you further develop yourself as well.

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Change is one of the best things that you can possibly get to.

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So I would say change up your environment.

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That's how you can keep on adding spice.

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Yes, it can be difficult.

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Change up where you work.

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Instead of working in your desk, go work in a coffee shop.

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Go work in a library.

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Really get creative with it.

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Stop eating at the same places.

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Go eat at a different place.

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Just be curious.

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Get out there a bit more.

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Try different things.

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I think people stop at trying different things people get very comfortable trying the same thing.

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But, you know, we age slower when we try new things because we slow down time.

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Every time we try something new, we slow down time because it's new to us.

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And that's a great way to then look back and see

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that you've done so many things and

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that you've just not become a rat race or a hamster in the scheme of life.

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You're not going to know what the right choice is until you make the wrong ones.

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I would love to of course have made the right choice immediately.

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That would be lovely.

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To not experience any form of discomfort, right?

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But by making choices you slowly, I think, trim the fad of what the right choice is through experience.

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You could be stuck in any situation, stuck in a job you don't like, stuck in a relationship you don't like, stuck in a city that you don't like, stuck in a way of thinking that you don't like.

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And I think there's a lot of anxiety around not knowing what to choose.

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And I think that one can, I guess, be a little bit hesitant, very hesitant about making a choice because they're emphasizing wanting to make the right choice.

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If you put your mind into something, you would be surprised at what you can do.

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When I was 35, I was like, it is my dream since I was four to have my own concert.

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Next year, I'm going to have my own concert.

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So I just started knocking on doors.

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I started asking people.

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I started saying that in interviews, like that is my dream and that's what I want to pursue.

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And people will hear you and people that want to give you opportunity, you have to allow people that want to give you opportunity to find you.

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Yo, write your main goals on a paper and put it on your bedroom.

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And every single day I woke up and I looked at that and I was like, what are the steps that I can take to go to that goal?

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And if I did that this year, I'm good.

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You'll be so surprised what you can do in just one year.

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Yeah, out of sight, out of mind, right?

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But when things are in front of your face, when they seem to manifest all over, you make your luck.

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What is luck?

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It's when opportunity meets action.

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Yeah, actually, yeah.

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It's a morning journal that uses data collection and psychology to make each day happier, more positive, and more productive.

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If you've ever watched our videos, you have probably seen hundreds of our interviewees use it.

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Actually, last year we released it, but only in the black color.

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And finally, we have just released it in gray and lavender in two sets of very small batches.

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If you want one of these, click the link in our description or scan the QR code on screen.

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All of our journals and planners are based on the advice and lessons you hear all over our channel.

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Okay, back to the video.

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When I was younger, I feel like the education system, it makes you think that you'll wake up one day like, this is what I want to do, right? like that there'll be some sort of inkling,

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some sort of feeling that okay you've arrived at the thing

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that you're supposed to do and at a certain point in the last, when I was earlier in my 20s I figured out that

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that day was never going to come and that brought me a certain degree of peace, more of acceptance that you will never know what you're actually supposed to be doing

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and therein that lies the peace as opposed to thinking that there's actually something you're supposed to do.

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A belief is just something we've told ourselves over and over again.

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What I'm telling you right now i believe it right like

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if if especially with my own journey like if i meet somebody

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and they have stage four cancer i'm like you can heal no problem right you got this

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and they're like but i have such a firm belief

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because of what i've gone through i have such a firm belief

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and possibilities a belief in miracles a belief of you know meditating and going within

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but just as strong as those beliefs are for me you know your father telling you hey you

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that that's unpredictable like you might not be safe there that's a belief shaped by his realities

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but we have to understand is just

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because it's true for them doesn't mean it's true for you right

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but what we have to know is

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that our beliefs 100 affect how we perceive reality the story we tell is the life

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that we live and i would say one of the biggest things in my life is

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when i stopped telling the same story we're all addicts newsflash

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we are all addicts you you are either addicted to pain and suffering, or you're addicted to joy or curiosity.

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We become addicted to lives we don't even like.

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And how do you change then?

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You have to start telling yourself a new story, right?

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You have to start thinking new thoughts.

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It's the only way to get beyond.

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And so for years, because I had this belief that I was nothing if I didn't accomplish something, the hardest thing for me is when people would say,

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well, what do you do?

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And I went from having like a very incredible career

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and being on red carpets and having my own sports show and all of these things to then being sick.

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And so when people would ask me, I would try to compensate that insecurity and say, well, I am S-I-C-K.

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I don't even want to say it.

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Right.

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And every time I say that I was reaffirming a state.

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And so the moment I stopped telling people what was wrong with me and I just started to become a new person, my life changed.

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And our life will always reflect the thoughts that we have, the beliefs that we have, and the stories that we tell each other.

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So I think one of the fastest ways to change is

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to think of what is the greatest life I can live and start telling that.

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And people would say, well, is that like fake it till you make it or are you lying?

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And I would say no. I think that version of you is more real than this one.

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If that feels like you, that's more alive than this moment.

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Yeah.

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But you've got to speak it into existence.

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Yeah.

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The door will show up.

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That's not the question.

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The question is, do you have the courage to walk through it?

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The story I told myself, careful the stories that you tell yourself,

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because sometimes life teaches you things and you can't attach to a narrative that you decided before you learned said things.

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I really centered my identity around being a lawyer.

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I decided that being a lawyer meant that I would have established myself as an individual and along the way it, I've learned that that is not for me.

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So what I've learned is not to center my identity around being something, not around a person, not around a career.

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Like my self and identity has nothing to do with anyone.

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Who I am is not what I am.

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But it was that experience that taught me that.

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When my grandmother was my age, she had two children, but now I'm on the precipice of 30 and it looks like my whole life is in front of me.

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And I also feel like I've wasted so much time and none of that is true.

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Okay, what about the last part makes you say that?

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Nothing is true.

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What do you mean?

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Age is just a number.

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And we are so grateful and fortunate to be alive.

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And so life is what we make of it.

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And therefore, if we feel young, we're young.

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If we feel old, we're old.

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It's all a mindset, as they say.

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As they say.

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What do you think, if you look at your life at this point, the last few years, what has been an event that happened that significantly changed the outcome of where you are today?

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Puberty.

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I definitely think that for you, yeah.

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Probably meeting you guys, like being around the right people.

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He's trying to ask you up.

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Oh, that guy has something for the mic.

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If you could just give one piece of advice to someone who's around your age, who's trying to figure things out, trying to get to be happier, healthier, hotter, richer, all of that,

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what's the first thing that comes to your mind?

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Do shit that makes you wildly uncomfortable.

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If it's making you uncomfortable, it's probably a good sign.

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Unless somebody's getting really hurt or, like, getting injured or, like, emotionally damaged, then, like, you're probably good, you know?

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Like, you're in the clear.

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Go and do that thing that makes you super uncomfortable.

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Whether it's for dating, whether it's trying something new, trying a new food, traveling to a new country, saying you're a photographer when you're not,

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and just figuring that shit out, like, whatever it is, you know?

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Like, just be uncomfortable.

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I would say figure out what was the thing

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that you wanted to do before society or school or your job or your parents told you that you shouldn't do that.

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Go and do that thing and figure out a way that you can make money doing that thing.

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Recognizing that happiness is a fleeting horizon and it's a choice.

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Like the faster that you learn that it's a choice and it's not a destination, the more peace that you'll bring to yourself.

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The pursuit of happiness is great, but recognize that the pursuit, like you decide when the pursuit is over, not somebody else.

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And I guess if I could add one, also having great friends that can share.

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No, no, no, don't add, don't add.

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You're just an interviewer.

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Don't add.

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But having great friends that can talk like this, that you can be funny with and you can get deep with also.

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None of you guys said anything about that.

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You weren't thinking about me, obviously.

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How much of a difference is having good friends who share the same values, same mission?

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That makes the hard thing easy, right?

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At the end of the line, that's all I'm at.

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That is happiness.

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Relationships.

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Yeah. For sure.

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To me, it's just things are going to take the time they're going to take.

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And so being understanding and kind and graceful and just acknowledging that you can't be in a rush,

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but you also can't take your time.

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Yeah.

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So it's like finding the right balance between working hard and also enjoying your life.

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And finding motivation to get up in the morning and also being kind and gentle to yourself when you don't want to.

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I think people have forgotten to romanticize their life.

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I think that they're looking for meaning elsewhere

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or they're trying to find meaning in things that are not really substantial or have enough substance substance, like social media has done that for a lot of people.

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They see just the surface of a person and not really what they've been through and who they are in the inside.

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And I think people should romanticize their life and the moments that they have with themselves.

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I think that people deep down, they have something that they treasure, that they have forgotten about.

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And I like to argue that, you know, the treasure that you could be seeking could be right below your feet, but you just don't know where you stand.

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You know, know your worth think that's what really leads people to be the happiest.

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Thank you so much for watching this video.

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If you enjoy it, please make sure to subscribe

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and stay tuned for many more life advice videos coming every single week on this channel.

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What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

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About This Lesson

What is the Shadowing Technique?