Shadowing Practice: How to Stop Criticizing Yourself (3 Steps That Actually Work) - Learn English Speaking with Video
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Namo Vidhaya.
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For a long period of my life, I have been the biggest critic of myself.
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I think most of us has done that at some point in our life.
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When we make mistakes, when we fail, instead of looking at the problem, we turn on to ourself, we blame ourself, we criticize ourself.
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And this is called the destructive self -criticism and this leads to anxiety, depression and emotional suffering.
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So from today's video I would like to share with you three practical steps to follow
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and to apply into your life and completely let go of the anger towards yourself, the self -hatred and self -criticism.
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Number one, I want you to to talk to yourself like you talk to your best friend?
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Let me ask a question from you.
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Would you criticize your best friend in the same way you criticize yourself in your head?
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You wouldn't.
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If your friend came to you in a problem, how would you talk to your friend?
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You would support that person, right?
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Would you say like, you will always be like that, you will always be stupid, why are you always stupid?
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You wouldn't.
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How would you say?
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You would say okay that's fine let's get through this together.
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I'm here for you.
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I'm here to support you so let's get through this together.
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I want you to support yourself.
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Talk to yourself in the most supportive way.
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Whenever you make mistakes do not turn on to yourself and blame yourself.
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Support and say yes you made a mistake well
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but we can correct it let's take action to correct it
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so talking to your best friend talking to yourself like you
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talk to your best friend is a practice of loving kindness in Buddhism there's a word called metta
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and the common translation for the word metta is loving kindness
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but the word metha is more closer to the meaning of
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loving friendliness you become the friend of yourself you become a
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good friend now understand a good friend will criticize you okay he will point out he
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or she will point out what is wrong
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and what where the weakness is and what went wrong
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and say this is where you made the mistake
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so let's get through this together and let's correct it so
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that that supportiveness but still there is criticism understand
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that criticism itself is not entirely a bad thing it's not
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a wrong thing right you can criticize we can criticize ourselves to improve right
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and that is called the constructive criticism but
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that is not what most of the time we are doing
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in our head right there's a huge difference between the constructive criticism and the destructive criticism.
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What is the difference?
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The constructive criticism is always problem -oriented.
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That means in constructive criticism we focus on the problem.
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But in destructive criticism we look at the person and identity and we blame ourself for that.
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There's no good that we can gain from blaming ourself.
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But if we can look at what we did, our behavior,
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our actions and understand that we have made a mistake and tries to correct it and that is where our improvement is.
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So in constructive criticism we look at the problem but in destructive criticism we look at the person, personality, right?
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This is what most of the time athletes do to themselves, right?
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They criticize themselves but constructively.
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when they lose a match or when they win a match they go back
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and they re -watch their clips
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and to find to find out where did they make the mistakes
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so they find the mistake and they take action to correct it
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so that is called the constructive criticism you can still criticize yourself in a good way
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and that leads me to the second step the second step is i want you to detach your behavior from your identity.
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How to do that?
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Whenever you catch yourself criticizing or blaming because of a mistake that you have done,
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I want you to say this is not who I am, this is only what I did.
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So you look at the behavior, you look at the action instead of blaming yourself.
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Every time when you make when you when you
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when you make a mistake
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and criticize yourself you can say this is not who I am this doesn't define who I am
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this is just an action that I have done, this is a mistake that I have done, so I need to correct it.
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So in that way you don't label yourself from your mistake, right?
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Most of the time what we do is we label ourselves from our mistake.
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We say I'm a stupid person, I'm a careless person, I'm always forgetful.
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The more you repeat this, the more you become.
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Understand that we are what we repeat.
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So every time when you find yourself criticizing I want you to look at it and say this is my behavior,
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this is an action so that I can change it but this is not who I am.
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An interesting fact about Buddhism is the Buddha says
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that there is no single fixed permanent self called I that is sitting there and doing the mistake.
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Every action of our life is conditioned.
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Our identity is also conditioned.
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That means it is under constant change which means that we can change it.
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So that is why in Buddhism the Buddha sees
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that it is an improvement in the noble practice
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or Buddhist practice to see a mistake as a mistake and accept it as the mistake and taking action to correct it.
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Buddha saw it as one of the greatest ways to improve in life.
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So the second thing is that I need you to detach your identity from your behavior.
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And the final step, I need you to take action.
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Taking action is the most important thing in these three steps right although we think about it
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and we think about it correctly and we we look at the problem
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but we need to prove ourselves that we take action to correct
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that mistake taking action is the most important thing right your body your mind needs evidence
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that I'm going to change this can be changed
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so you look at the problem
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and you you find out what can I do about it
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and you take action sometimes
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that action can be difficult to take sometimes this action is something
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that we have been avoiding for ages
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but even though it is difficult you have to take
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that action at least a simple step towards it so
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that it your body needs that proof so
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that the body your body gets that proof
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that you are you're going to change your mind gets that proof that you're going to change.
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And that's where the real improvement happens.
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So these are the three steps that I need you to follow whenever you catch yourself criticizing.
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Right?
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First of all, talk to yourself like a friend, like a coach, like a supportive, a good friend.
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And then I need you to detach your identity from your behavior.
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And finally, I need you to take action towards correction.
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So practice these three steps and have a beautiful life.
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I wish you, may you have a healthy, a peaceful and a happy life.
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Namo Buddhahaya.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Stop Criticizing Yourself”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: mistake, action, criticism, criticize, correct. This video has 106 sentences and 1240 words to shadow. The speech runs for 8:26. The speaker talks at a steady 147 words per minute, a comfortable pace for shadowing. 88% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| criticize verb | /ˈkɹɪtɪsaɪz/ | To find fault (with something). |
| constructive adjective | /kənˈstɹʌktɪv/ | Relating to or causing construction. |
| ourself | /(ˌ)aʊə(ɹ)ˈsɛlf/ | The reflexive of the royal or editorial we: myself (as used by one who is a monarch, writer or speaker when referring to oneself as we). |
| destructive adjective | /dɪˈstɹʌktɪv/ | Causing destruction; damaging. |
| detach verb | /dɪˈtæt͡ʃ/ | To take apart from; to take off. |
| metta noun | Lovingkindness or compassion, especially if developed through meditation or mindfulness. | |
| kindness noun | /ˈkaɪnd.nəs/ | The state of being kind. |
| supportive adjective | /səˈpɔɹtɪv/ | Providing support. |
| constructively adverb | In a constructive manner. | |
| forgetful adjective | /fərˈɡɛtfəl/ | Unable to remember things well; liable to forget. |
| friendliness noun | /ˈfɹɛndlinəs/ | The quality of being friendly. |
| orient verb | /ˈɔɹ.iˌɛnt/ | To build or place (something) so as to face eastward. |
| supportiveness noun | The property of being supportive. | |
| careless adjective | /kɛɹ.ləs/ | Not concerned or worried (about). |
| critic noun | /ˈkɹɪt.ɪk/ | A person who appraises the works of others. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| get through verb | /ɡɛt ˈθɹu/ | To overcome; to endure. |
| find out verb | To discover, as by asking or investigating. | |
| point out verb | To identify among a group of similar subjects, or in a scene where the subject might not be readily seen or noticed, with a gesture of the body. | |
| go back verb | To return to a place or state after having been there at a previous time. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | is called · is conditioned · is also conditioned |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have been · has done · have made |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 12 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, wouldn't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Shadow it sentence by sentence at normal speed, repeating each one until your rhythm matches the speaker.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like criticize, constructive, ourself.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.