Shadowing Practice: How To Love Without Attachment | Buddhism In English - Learn English Speaking with Video
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One of the most frequent questions that I get asked from people is
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that people say that I fall in love with this person
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and I get too much attached to him or her and it hurts both of us, right?
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It hurts me and to the other person.
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How can I love someone without getting attached to that person?
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That is one of the frequent questions that people ask from me.
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Well, to understand about this, first of all, you need to understand what is the difference between love and attachment.
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I'll tell you the difference.
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If you are in love with someone, if you fall in love with someone, this means the pure love, the love, I would say.
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You say that I need you to be happy.
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Okay, that's what you say.
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I need you to be happy.
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If that happiness includes me, that's much better.
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If it does not include me, it's okay.
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Anyway, I need you to be happy in your life.
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That is love.
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And in attachment, you say, you need to make me happy.
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Okay?
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If they are not able to make you happy, then what do you say?
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Why aren't you making me happy?
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okay the love you give to me and the the things
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that you to do to me is not enough that's what you say
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that is called attachment okay so did you see the difference
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that means in love you think about other people's happiness okay as a result of thinking other people's happiness
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or wishing other people's happiness, you get the same thing back.
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Okay.
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But in an attachment, you wish your own happiness.
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Only that.
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You become, it's a form of selfishness.
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Okay.
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So this is the difference between love and attachment.
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So how attachment happens, here's how it happens.
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You see this person and you think like, oh, he or she is perfect for me.
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He's the best thing for me.
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and I want to be with that person forever.
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I need to be with him or her forever.
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I don't want to let that person go of my life.
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I don't want to let that person to live my life.
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I need to be with that person.
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In that case, you hold on to that person tightly.
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Okay.
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You grab that person and you don't want to let go of that person.
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Then what you do in the next step, you try to protect him or her.
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Okay.
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Sometimes you over protect him or her.
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So some people, they put restrictions.
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Okay.
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You You should not use social media.
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You should not go and talk with other people, right?
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You should not come out of house.
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Remember, the more you try to hold on to someone's life, okay?
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And the more you try to control someone's life, chances are very, very high for you to lose that person.
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Because if you dive into the Buddha's teachings, okay, when you dive in deep into Buddha's teachings,
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but it says that you live in your own private world as well as others.
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Okay.
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Same like you, other people are also living in their private world.
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You create your own private world.
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You create your own happiness.
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You create your own sadness and everything that you create is created by yourself.
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Okay.
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Your world is created by yourself.
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So it goes same with others.
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Okay.
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They are living in their private world.
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Okay.
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Same as you like to be happy and same as you like to be free, those people around you likes to be happy and free.
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Okay.
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So what happens when you try to put restrictions on someone?
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What happens is they don't like it.
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Okay.
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No one likes to be under, totally under control of someone.
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Okay.
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They need to have some sort of freedom in their life.
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So chances are very high for you to lose that person
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if you try to protect and overprotect and hold on to it and hold on to that person.
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And you think like I need to be with that person.
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And what happens next is you become afraid of losing that person.
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You think what if this guy or this person leave me.
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Okay.
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What will happen to me.
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Okay.
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My whole world will be a disaster.
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Remember, the reality of life is no one in this world is permanent.
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Everyone, everything, every experience in this life is subjected to change
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that is the reality of life so that is
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that is how attachment happens but in love you come to the reality okay
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when you love someone correctly and purely without too much attachment, you come to this reality,
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to this real world, you know that these people around me are not going to live forever with me.
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It's not going to happen.
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Now one of the things that Buddha advised us to remember every time, every single day and every single time it is
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that it is possible to remember Buddha said remember
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that everyone around you okay every person who loves you
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and who you love is going to leave you okay you
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have to be separated from these people I know it is painful it is difficult to think
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because we love people okay we're afraid of losing them.
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But one day, in one way or another, okay, and sooner or later, this will happen.
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At least at the death, it will happen.
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So we have to leave these people around us.
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Okay, we are not going to live forever.
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So when you realize that, that is the reality.
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Okay, when you realize that, you come to the reality and think, okay, I have a very, very little time with these people.
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Actually, the life is short.
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If nothing happened to us, we will live only for maybe like 85 years. Who knows?
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So life is very short.
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Then you know that I'm not going to live with this person forever.
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So what do you do?
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You show your love, affection, kindness and compassion to this person
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in the best way that you can in this little time because you know that you have a very little time
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okay
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so to love someone you need to understand the reality of
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life what is the reality of life everything is subjected to change okay everything is ever-changing
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that is called anicca in buddhism Okay.
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It is not permanent.
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It is impermanent.
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The second thing is
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that everyone in their own world is suffering okay we suffer in our own private worlds right
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so we have our own private and personal sufferings same like
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that others also are suffering in their life okay so
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if we expect that other people to fulfill all the needs and all the requirements 100% in our life,
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that's not going to happen.
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Realize it, okay?
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Because everyone personally is going through suffering.
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Understand about this.
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That is called Dukkha.
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And the third one is that no one in this world is totally under your control.
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You cannot control people around you totally, okay
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that is called anatta you can you're out of control of
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this world okay the problem is we worry about the people
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that we cannot control okay can you control people's behavior no you cannot do
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that can you control how people behave and how people treat you how people talk to you how people think about you.
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No, that is their own business.
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Okay.
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So what you can control is how you live in this,
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in your life, the way you live in your personal life that is totally under your control.
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So understand these three things.
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What is that?
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Everything is subjected to change.
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Everyone is suffering in their own worlds and not everyone in this world is totally under your control.
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This is called the truth in this life.
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This is called the reality in this life.
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Once you understand this, you know and you will learn how to be compassionate on people.
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Okay, how to love people and then you can wish no matter what happens to you.
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If you stay with me or if you did not stay with me, it's okay, I wish the good of you.
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I wish the happiness of you, okay?
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Then that love will never hurt you, okay?
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But attachment, when you get too much attached to people, it will definitely hurt you.
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So wish the good for everyone, wish the happiness on everyone and then you will find the peace that you are seeking for in your life.
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Namobuddhaya.
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Why Practice Speaking with This Video?
Practicing English speaking with this video is a smart choice for learners aiming to master real-world communication. The dialogue explores a relatable, emotional topic—love and attachment—using natural, conversational language that mirrors everyday speech. This makes it ideal for english speaking practice and IELTS speaking practice, as it trains you to discuss complex ideas with clarity. Additionally, the speaker’s calm, deliberate pace is perfect for shadowspeak (repeating phrases aloud in real time), a technique proven to boost fluency and pronunciation. Whether you’re using a shadowing site or practicing independently, this video provides context-rich content that bridges language learning and practical life skills.
Grammar & Expressions in Context
The video uses several key structures that are essential for fluent English. Here are three to focus on:
- Conditional phrases: "If that happiness includes me, that's much better. If it does not include me, it's okay." These "if-then" structures are critical for explaining hypothetical situations, a common requirement in IELTS speaking tasks.
- Question forms for emphasis: "Why aren't you making me happy?" The speaker uses rhetorical questions to highlight differences, a technique that adds depth to conversations. Practice repeating these to sound more natural.
- Gerunds after prepositions: "thinking about other people's happiness," "wishing other people's happiness." Mastering gerunds (verb + -ing) after prepositions is key for accurate sentence structure, and this video offers plenty of examples to mimic.
Common Pronunciation Traps
While the speaker’s accent is clear, there are a few tricky words to watch for. Attachment (uh-TACH-ment) is often mispronounced with a long "a" sound (AT-tach-ment)—listen closely to the short "a" in the first syllable. Selfishness (SEL-fish-ness) can trip learners up; focus on stressing the first syllable and keeping the "sh" sound soft. Finally, the phrase "hold on to" is often reduced in speech to "hol’ on to"—practice blending the "d" and "o" sounds to match natural rhythm. By tackling these traps, you’ll improve your listening comprehension and speaking accuracy, making learn english with videos a more effective strategy.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.