Shadowing Practice: Self-Sabotage, Self-Forgiveness & Why the Way You Talk to Yourself Is Everything - Learn English Speaking with Video
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The reason why we can't progress is because we aren't feeling our emotions.
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It's okay to mess up.
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It's okay to have regret.
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It's okay to do things that you are not proud of.
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But it's not okay to stay in that forever.
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And that's where self-sabotage is.
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It's this thin line of awareness of let me sit with these feelings and move forward.
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Do not torture yourself.
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Do not let go of all the progress you have made.
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There's a thin line of being too easy on yourself or being too hard on yourself.
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You should make sure that you are focused on your craft.
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How can you do that?
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Focus on learning and getting smarter and using your time wisely Focus on movement
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and trying to strengthen your mind focus on eating clean focus on praying
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And you can also do it by journaling and communicating with yourself
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when you recognize your worth You start to also just develop a better relationship
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So you treat yourself better and
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that will lead into how you show up in your days
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and how you maintain consistency Then you will become this different version of yourself But again, it comes back down to you can control what you can control.
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You can't control what you can't control.
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The rest is in God's hands.
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I'm Liana Diab.
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This is Being Human.
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I'm glad you're here.
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Hello and welcome back to another episode of the Being Human podcast.
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I am so excited for today's episode because we are going to be getting into the topic of self-sabotage.
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And this is something that I have struggled with in my life.
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And sometimes I still struggle with it to this day.
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And so this is really stemming from something that's true
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and apparent in my life because I was a person who would consistently beat themselves up for making one mistake.
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Maybe it's falling back into a bad habit, an addiction, any form of mess up in your life or regret.
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And then when you go through that feeling of whatever it may have been
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that causes you to feel this kind of anger or pain or frustration, and it doesn't only come from ourselves.
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It could come from other people that trigger it.
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And then it's like, okay, we end up self-sabotaging by whether it's just everything in our life.
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It's like we stop doing.
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We fall out of track with our habits.
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We fall out of track with consistency.
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We completely let ourselves go in many ways when we do self-sabotage.
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And that is something that I used to do
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so frequently in my life when there was any kind of hiccup or mistake that I made.
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and that really stopped me from seeing progress in my life
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because self-sabotage is essentially you being so hard on yourself
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and I think that the first thing that I want to say is
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when you make a mistake
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or you fail it's okay to mess up it's okay to have regret it's okay to do things
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that you are not proud of but it's not okay to stay in that forever and by staying that forever I mean,
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we should be able to sit with our feelings and feel those emotions.
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The reason why we can't progress is because we aren't feeling our emotions.
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So when we go through a situation, and I'm just going to use falling back into a bad habit.
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If you fall back into a bad habit that you don't want to keep doing, so let's just say doom scrolling, okay?
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Something that a lot of us can be guilty of doing.
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Say you doom scroll instead of doing something
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that you said you were going to do you have the choice to Recognize in that moment where you're like,
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okay, I just wasted so much time doing this Are you going to self-sabotage
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and waste more time or are you going to sit with the feeling of regret?
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Pain, maybe you're upset with yourself.
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You're like, why did I do this?
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Are you going to sit with those emotions and those feelings
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or are you going to just accept defeat and continue to just sabotage.
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Continue to waste your time.
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All your habits go out the door.
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Everything, all the progress that you've made goes out the door.
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Are you going to choose that?
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Because at the end of the day, when we make a mistake or we fail in life, it's a part of life and you have to accept that.
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You can't control everything.
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You can't even control.
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Yes, we can control our actions, but sometimes you make a choice and you wish you never did it.
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You can control the way that you respond.
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Are you going to accept those feelings and control the rest of your day by choosing habits that are better for you?
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Or are you going to choose to give up?
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And that's where self-sabotage is.
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It's this like thin line of awareness of let me sit with these feelings and move forward.
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But a lot of the times we just get frustrated.
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But I think that you even listening to this episode, the next time you self-sabotage or want to self-sabotage, you'll have the awareness of realizing like,
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let me not let this one thing that I've done
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that I regret or I'm mad at bleed into the rest of my days.
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Like I can still have a strong week even if I made a mistake because we are so hard on ourselves.
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And you know, it's crazy that we are so hard because God talks about forgiveness.
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God forgives us.
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We repent.
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We try to get better.
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Sometimes we fall back into the things that we repent for
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and it's like god can forgive us again But why can't we forgive ourselves?
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Why can't we just actively try to become better after we do make a mistake?
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Instead of letting everything go and getting so upset on ourselves
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and then putting ourselves down and then not making progress
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And then feeling miserable in life and getting so low like all of these feelings are normal,
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but it's not normal to Continue to make your life even harder by your choices and we do it to ourselves
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And so I would say
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when you are in a moment where you feel like you're about to self-sabotage I want you to shift your perspective.
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Do not torture yourself Do not let go of all the progress you have made be proud of yourself
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That is the main important thing is like be proud of how far you've come Even
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if you make a mistake and remind yourself that it's okay.
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The things that you say to yourself matters Be kind to yourself the way
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that you would speak to a friend if they made a mistake
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or maybe a daughter or someone in your life that you are trying to uplift, why don't you do that same thing for yourself?
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When you do make a mistake, that it's okay.
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You can get right back up and try again.
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And I think that it's so important that you remember that because on this journey of consistency, that can be the main factor that is holding you back is your relationship with yourself,
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of the way that you speak to yourself when things don't go to plan.
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But again, it comes back down to you can control what you can control.
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You can't control what you can't control.
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The rest is in God's hands.
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And you know, that's why I also talk about the power of journaling
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because when you reflect on journaling and you talk to yourself and you literally just write,
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a lot of the times we can communicate why we're feeling certain things and how we can get better for next time.
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But if you don't communicate with yourself, if you don't stop and recognize where you went wrong and how you can improve next time, then how are you going to get better?
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And I think that when people ask me how to journal and how to make it productive, journal in a way where you know it's helping you get better.
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So you're just being so overly analytical about yourself, how you spend your time, the things that you are thinking on your mind,
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like are you having distracting thoughts that are taking away your focus?
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How can you pour that energy into something else?
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Or how can you get rid of those thoughts in a way where you're communicating on paper?
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And it's so important to have the self-awareness so you can consistently improve your character.
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And it's really about being intentional in the way that you right to yourself in a positive and kind way.
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Again, being kind to you.
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And you know, I think that a lot of us tend to focus on the negatives
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when we can find the positives in every single situation truly we can find the positives even in the mistakes
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that we make it's like okay you know maybe you make a mistake
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but the awareness that you went wrong in
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that situation is a positive in itself and so
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when you try to focus on the positive instead of focusing
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on where you went wrong all the time then you'll slowly start getting better
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so when that situation happens again you think twice before you do something.
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And even if you end up doing that thing that you regret, you have the awareness to understand that I can control how I spend the rest of my day.
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I can control my mood.
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So don't run away from your feelings.
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Don't run away from your emotions.
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Don't suppress the feelings that you go through when you are in this position of wanting to self-sabotage.
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Don't suppress these feelings.
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And suppressing means like filling your life with noise.
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It could be friends, it could be work, it could be social media, eating, all of these different things.
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You can suppress your emotions with all these different things that are not going to help you evolve and grow.
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But instead of suppressing, sit with those feelings right to yourself, and then you will be able to improve from there.
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So I think that's where a lot of us struggle with consistency and discipline, because it's not easy, but it becomes easier when you're not as hard on yourself.
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And there's a thin line of being too easy on yourself or being too hard on yourself.
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Yes, you should make sure that you are focused on your craft.
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How can you do that?
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Focus on learning and getting smarter and using your time wisely like God would want you to spend your time.
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You can focus on movement and trying to strengthen your mind by training in doing something physically challenging.
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You can focus on eating clean and being intentional with the foods
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that you put into your body because you know it's going to affect your mood.
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You can focus on praying and being present in your prayers
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and trying to build your relationship with God and understand who God is.
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And you can also do it by journaling and communicating with yourself
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so you can improve and get better for the next time that you do mess up and want to self-sabotage.
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I hope that you can approach it in a way where you understand that you're allowed to experience pain, anger, shame, regret.
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These feelings are normal.
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God has given us these feelings.
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Don't try to avoid them.
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Instead, sit with them.
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And I think we have to be real with ourselves.
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Like, think about how far you've come.
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Truly.
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You have done so many things that you wanted to accomplish.
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and the more that you grow, the harder it's going to be because you're just consistently evolving your character
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and it's gonna take a lot of awareness
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but you are listening to this video right now because you have that awareness in yourself.
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You're trying to get better and that is a great sign
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that you are on the right path to becoming the most disciplined, highest version of yourself
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because you wanna get better and you know that you're worthy of
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so much more in your life and I think that when you recognize your worth, you start to also just develop a better relationship
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so you treat yourself better And
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that will lead into how you show up in your days
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and how you maintain consistency Because at the end of the day
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if you build a relationship with yourself and you stick to your word
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and you control what you can control And by doing those five things
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that I mentioned journal pray eat clean learn
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and train Then you will become this different version of yourself
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And you know what I oftentimes will have these little periods of my day
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and I highly recommend every single person does this
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You just envision who you are five years from now envision who
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that woman is and now start to act like her Start to practice the habits
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that she is practicing Try to practice the patience The strength the way
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that she shows up in her days the way
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that she sticks to her word because all of these things
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If you want to be
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that person five years from now You need to start acting like it You need to embody
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that identity of the person that you want to be start taking yourself seriously Truly, we don't take ourselves serious enough.
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We wanna be kind and nice to people
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and you know we uplift others
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but why aren't we uplifting ourselves like your relationship with yourself is
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so important and i hope that you're starting to recognize
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that in the way that you communicate with yourself
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because you are destined for
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so much more than you even realize i don't think you understand the capabilities of what god can do
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and bring into your life but you have to recognize it first
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so don't self-sabotage control what you can control and you And you know,
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the more that I live in a way where I'm constantly thinking that God is watching my every move, it's easier to get through the days
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and it's easier to move with more intention and discipline
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because I know that he's watching me and he's also on this journey with me.
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Like I'm literally just going through my life in a way where I'm trying to please him with the things
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that I do, my actions, my choices, my time, the way that I speak to people, the way that I show up in the world.
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And even after this podcast, sit in silence with yourself and just talk to God in a way of recognizing his presence.
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Like recognize that even though you're just alone in silence, even if it's for just one minute, God is always with you.
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So in the moments where you are alone and you don't have someone who's picking you up,
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or maybe you're afraid to talk to someone about it when you do want to self-sabotage or give up on everything,
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I want you to have this like internal voice in you that just reminds you to keep going,
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to just keep showing up because you're making so much progress and sometimes you don't even recognize it.
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And maybe you need me sitting here talking to you about it
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because sometimes I would need that in myself of like a person just telling you
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that you're destined for so much and the impact that you'll have on this world if you continue to keep going.
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Because God has given you a gift that nobody has
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and I am literally talking to you like it's literally just me
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and you I'm talking to you you have a gift
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that nobody else has and if you don't consistently show up for you
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and for everyone that is rooting for you
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and maybe it's not people in your corner
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but I'm telling you right now you have people rooting for you I am rooting for you
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but you have to recognize that in yourself
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and root for yourself we have one life you know
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and everything that we do in this life is going to benefit us in the afterlife.
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The impact that you've had on people, the way that you chose to show up in your days, to pick yourself up in those low moments when nobody else was there for you.
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Like you've been through so much and why would you stop now?
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You can't stop now.
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So tap into that version of who you want to be five years from now and start living like her.
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Start living like that woman you aspire to be because deep down you already are her.
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It's just maybe a little bit of work that is needed to get there, but I'm confident in the fact that you will get there.
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I'm confident in the fact that I will get there and we're on this journey together.
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And so just remember that when you choose to show up, you inspire me to show up.
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You're inspiring everyone who is in your corner to show up and people recognize it.
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People can see when you continue to keep going, even if nobody says it.
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So I'm sending you so much love.
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Don't self-sabotage if you do
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or feel like you want to listen to this episode as a constant reminder to control what you can control.
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Sit with your feelings, sit with your emotions, experience the pain, experience the regret, and keep going and be kind to yourself.
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I will see you guys in the next episode.
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I love you all so much.
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And if you made it this far, leave a pink heart.
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Okay, bye.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This video has 230 sentences and 3023 words to shadow. The speech runs for 14:32. The speaker talks fast, about 208 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 90% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| sabotage noun | /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/ | A deliberate action aimed at weakening someone (or something, a nation, etc) or preventing them from being successful, through subversion, obstruction… |
| awareness noun | /əˈwɛɹ.nəs/ | The state or level of consciousness where sense data can be confirmed by an observer. |
| regret verb | /ɹɪˈɡɹɛt/ | To feel sorry about (a thing that has or has not happened), afterthink: to wish that a thing had not happened, that something else had happened instead. |
| habit noun | /ˈhæb.ɪt/ | An action performed on a regular basis. |
| emotion noun | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | A person's internal state of being and involuntary physiological response to an object or a situation, based on or tied to physical state and sensory data. |
| communicate verb | /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/ | To impart or transmit (information or knowledge) to someone; to make known, to tell. |
| consistency noun | /kənˈsɪs.tən.si/ | Local coherence. |
| suppress verb | /səˈpɹɛs/ | To put an end to, especially with force, to crush, do away with; to prohibit, subdue. |
| thin adjective | /ˈθɪn/ | Having little thickness or extent from one surface to its opposite. |
| consistently adverb | /kənˈsɪstəntli/ | In a consistent manner. |
| pray verb | /pɹeɪ/ | To direct words, thoughts, or one's attention to a deity or any higher being, for the sake of adoration, thanks, petition for help, etc. |
| forgive verb | /fɚˈɡɪv/ | To pardon (someone); to waive any negative feeling towards or desire for punishment or retribution against. |
| discipline noun | /ˈdɪsəplɪn/ | A controlled behaviour; self-control. |
| silence noun | /ˈsaɪ̯ləns/ | The absence of any sound. |
| mood noun | /muːd/ | A mental or emotional state, composure. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| fall back into verb | To return to old habits; to return to an unhealthy or unhappy situation. |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. |
| mess up verb | To make a mess of; to untidy, disorder, soil, or muss. |
| come back verb | To return to a place. |
| end up verb | To bring to a conclusion. |
| go out verb | To leave, especially a building. |
| move forward verb | To cause to make progress. |
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | have made · have struggled · you've made |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | are destined · is needed |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | person who would · everyone who is |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 76 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, don't, I'm. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “th” sounds: thin /ˈθɪn/, strengthen /ˈstɹɛŋ(k)θən/, worthy /ˈwɝ.ði/
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: sabotage /ˈsæb.əˌtɑʒ/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/
- Long words — get the stress right: communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, consistency /kənˈsɪs.tən.si/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like sabotage, awareness, regret.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.