Shadowing Practice: The Lonely Chapter: Letting Go of Pressure, Finding Your Purpose - Learn English Speaking with Video

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There's no way that this has a blessing in it

if it's taking me away from the thing that gives me also so much purpose in my life.

I would always get comments of like, you're so strong in modesty, but like, no, I struggle.

I do struggle and I think it's normal to struggle and I think it's okay.

Honestly, I don't even know who that person was

because I was in this like state of mind where I need to find a person because of the pressure.

I honestly kind of just had a wake up call and I was like, I'm Liana Diem.

This is being human.

I'm glad you're here.

Hello and welcome back to another episode of Being Human.

I am doing a solo episode today and I'm honestly

so excited because I actually just finished doing a guest episode and this is probably like the second solo.

I think the first one was just like the intro

and I really want these episodes to kind of be about my life in real time

and what I'm currently going through

and I mean by the time this podcast comes out it

would have been like a couple of weeks since being michigan

but i just got back from michigan and dearborn specifically

which is where my sister's at because she just had a baby

and i honestly i love children both of my sisters have children i have a sister here in austin

and then another sister in michigan and so

when i was in michigan it was honestly like amazing spending time with family

and everything but now both of my sisters are married

and they both have kids and I am the only one who is not married

and who doesn't have kids and

so there is kind of this pressure put onto you

and I feel like women whether

that is like I think it's more of like a societal thing it's just this kind of expectation

that you kind of have to get married young

and have children from a young younger age like 20s like

early 20s otherwise you're kind of like losing time anyways being there

and everyone always asking me you know it's your turn like

are you finding a man are you talking to people

when do you want to have kids last year

when i was living in new york i really went through

a chapter where both of my sisters had just gotten married

and i felt like okay i really need to find a husband like i need to find partner

and i got

so caught up with the feeling of i am going to be alone forever like i thought

that i would be alone forever and i would just force things in a way

that i knew i shouldn't have been doing in terms of talking to people

that i shouldn't have been talking to things i was lowering my standards

so much honestly i don't even know who that person was

because i was in this like state of mind where i need to find a person

because of the pressure that was put onto me.

And now I'm at a point in my life where I'm really like, you know what?

You can say whatever you want.

You can have this expectation that you think that I should be getting married and having kids right away, but I know I'm not ready.

And it's not like I don't want love.

Okay.

As women, as humans, we want love.

We want a partner.

We, you know, we just love connection.

And I think that it's such a beautiful thing, but sometimes when you are trying to find it trying to rush it it's actually not the right time

because maybe you are not ready to receive love

and I don't think I am I don't think I'm ready

right now in my life even though I do want it I don't want kids yet

because to be completely honest the next five years of my

life I feel like I really just want to focus on my career focus on my craft

and it's not even this thing of like you know I don't want a man

or something or like you can't have a man and be a successful woman at the same time.

Like, I do believe that that is real with the right person.

It's all timing, though.

Let me just talk about my experience, okay?

This was actually recent.

I stopped looking for love, and then it started to come a little bit more naturally.

And I was like, you know what?

Let me just try.

So I tried talking to a person.

All the boxes were checking off, okay?

And then it was like I started to realize

my time was being taken away from me because my focus was not there.

I wasn't focused on my career.

I wasn't focused on my craft.

And when I mean career, I always think of things as purpose.

Our purpose in this life is not just to get married and have children.

Yes, that's a beautiful part of life, but I truly believe that every single person on this earth has a purpose.

And when you are so consumed in love and, you know,

wanting a text back or you just get so caught up that sometimes you don't even focus on your career or anything.

And that's what was happening to me and I was like there's no way

that this has a blessing in it

if it's taking me away from the thing that gives me also

so much purpose in my life which is doing this

which is creating which is putting out content for you all being able to connect

and truly truly like share my experiences I wasn't sharing my experiences I it wasn't a sign

that it was right and I also was ignoring

so many red flags and I was compromising I was compromising because I felt like you know,

maybe I, maybe I should just settle and have love right now.

And maybe I can change the person long -term, you know?

And I don't believe anyone comes perfect because we are not perfect as humans.

And I feel like when you are in a relationship, there are going to be compromises where, you know, you do have to work on things as people.

But when you consistently see so many red flags and where you're like, okay, you know, I could change this thing or like this person promises you also that they're going to change is like,

no, I prayed to God for a sign of, is this person right for me?

And then it was not right.

There was many clear signs and it took me a while to get over it because I was like, okay, I need to just stop talking to this person.

But I felt like, I don't know, I enjoyed talking to someone.

I enjoyed the connection with a person, but I realized I enjoyed it because I was escaping from something.

I was escaping from from things that I needed to work on myself.

I didn't always love being alone in terms of like a quality relationship with myself, my time.

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And I think that sometimes we can search for love

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or search for a person because we are kind of trying to run away from things

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that we need to address first before a person does come into our life.

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Because when you're not working on yourself

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and trying to develop a stronger relationship with who you are

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and what you love in this world and you know your purpose

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and where you're getting your drive from sometimes a person can come into your life and have

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so much control over your emotions your mood your time your energy to the point where you forget about yourself

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and this doesn't only happen when you're you know single

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and trying to find a person it can also happen

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when you are in a relationship

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and then you realize later on it's like holy like i

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i didn't even build a relationship with my own self i'm kind of going off topic here

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but like i realized

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that i need to really love my own time pour into me way more

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and i wasn't doing that

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and i was trying to i was i was trying to fill the void with people

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and sometimes it's not just people it could be other things in our life

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that we're escaping with it could be different kinds of like addictions

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or overly scrolling on social media or you know doing things

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that are not actually bringing you true fulfillment in your life

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and i think that when you are finding yourself escaping from something, you have to take a step back and think about why can I not just sit with myself,

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my thoughts, my emotions, and try to work through this.

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And so I honestly kind of just had a wake up call and I was like, I don't think I'm ready for love right now, even though I want it.

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And I really want to focus on building myself.

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And I truly believe that all of us should have a purpose before even finding someone. Because

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when you don't feel strong in yourself in your purpose in

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a person comes into your life you may allow disrespect like that's one thing is i allowed disrespect

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because i didn't respect myself and i didn't respect my time but

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when you start respecting yourself by sticking to your word sticking

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to a routine going to the gym eating clean then you start to just like have way more strength

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and more respect for yourself so

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when a person does come in you're like okay no i'm not tolerating anything less than what I want

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and I'm not even talking about like materialistic things I'm a

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person who's realistic in terms of I don't expect designer items

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all the time from my future partner do I want a

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person who is kind of on a similar wavelength as me

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yes for sure in terms of like mindset drive ambition

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or higher I wouldn't go it's not even like lower

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but one thing is I have tried it I've tried to

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talk to someone who you know might not earn as much for example

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and I know this is a very touchy subject

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but personally I never want to feel like I have to compromise on what I want in my life

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or stop buying things for myself or you know

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if I'm paying for a certain amount of money in my apartment I have to stop paying

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that you know in like downsize for example because I have to make sure that the man doesn't feel emasculated.

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I really believe that like, you know, God can take away everything and like, you know, being humble and all these things.

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But like, there's a difference between being humble

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and then like not living the life that you want to live when you can afford it just to please a man.

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Basically, what I'm saying is now I'm in this lonely chapter of life, okay?

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And I've accepted it.

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And you know, it's so weird.

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Now that I've accepted that I'm in the lonely chapter and I don't want a person, it's like I now am attracting more.

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I'm attracting more options, more people coming into my life and like, you know, marriage proposals, whatever.

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And it's like becoming way more frequent.

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And I think that it's all, it's coming because I'm not looking for it anymore.

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When I was looking for it, it wasn't coming to me because I truly believe in the power of like mindset and the energy that you give off.

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It's the same with anything.

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Like if you were looking for a career, if you're looking for, you know, trying to build more wealth

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or you know finding a partner it's all about the mindset like you have to be ready to receive it and also

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just attracting it like I do believe everything comes from God yes

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but you also have to have this like this feeling of you know I am worth

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so much that I know that there is a person out there for me I know

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that I will attract this I know

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that you know money is meant for me because I have

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so much purpose in this life and I have

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so much to give to this world

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that I will be able to you know you know be

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compensated for your time it's not even about going in with

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the intention of like money hungry it's more of like you want to be able to live a life

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and you know earn from it at the same time and

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so that's the same kind of mindset of having of like

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you know i am going to be ready for a partner

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when the time is right and i know

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that the person coming into my life is going to be

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a loyal man is going to be respectful is going to be a provider

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and doesn't again only mean money it means like mindset being

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there for you taking care of you in times of hardship

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or maybe it's like both picking up chores around like little

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things like not expecting a full course meal prepared to him

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every single time like i grew up in a household where

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my mom she took care of the children she cooked she cleaned my dad was the you know the provider

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and stuff and as much as i love that dynamic

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and it's a full job in itself like mothers that go through

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that they don't get this and i've spoken about this on like a podcast

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that i did with um raven which will be coming out

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and we we talked about this of like mothers don't get the same recognition

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when it comes to you know cooking

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and cleaning around the house like it is a full -time job i don't see myself doing

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that because honestly i am kind of i'm not scarred for life

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but like seeing a woman go through so much

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and then not having the help of like her husband like

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even pick up a dish now i see my dad doing more dishes

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and stuff but like growing up and i love my parents

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so much but like growing up i never saw that and

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that is very common in my culture hispanic culture arab culture it's the expectation of women need to be this

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and some women want that but personally i don't because i

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i want my own power sometimes men take away your power

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if you don't have money

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if you don't have anything else going for you then taking care of the you know kids and cooking and again

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it's sometimes like 50 50 chance in terms of like having the partner who is a provider a male

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and he you know empowers a woman and you know wants more for herself

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and then there's there's a 50 50 chance of being with

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someone who can end up emotionally manipulating you with like money of like you know

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if you want to buy something but you don't have it

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but you're relying on a man what

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if you can't get the thing it's like what do you

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do then you don't have anything else going for you

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so like that is my fear and maybe that's a bit of trauma

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that i need to work with i'm speaking to this mic like it's therapy like a therapy session for real

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because honestly that is trauma that I feel whenever I get into conversations and try to talk to people is like, I'm going to have my own thing.

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You can't hold me back.

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Like I feel so masculine going into this, but maybe it's because I also haven't found a masculine man who can make me feel like in my feminine.

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And I truly believe that that is why I'm not ready for it is

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because I also need to unpack all of this.

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Like I need to let go of all these things before the person comes into my life.

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And now I'm in this lonely chapter since we are on the topic of choosing yourself

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and honestly i am always drinking these electrolytes first thing

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real ingredients real hydration where does loneliness come from right is it just

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because we don't have a person in our life i don't think

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so i think that loneliness

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because you can also feel lonely in a relationship sleeping next to a person

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that you don't even feel comfortable with there's so many people in marriages

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and relationships that feel that way and so i think

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that loneliness comes from a lack of working on your purpose me

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and gary brecca the podcast that we did we talked about isolation

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because whenever i went to new york i kind of like isolated myself

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but he was saying you're not isolated when you're working on your purpose even

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if you're away from people even

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if you're not in a relationship you are not isolated

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if you're working on your purpose and so that is why it's

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so important to have something you are working towards

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if you ever do feel lonely

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and of course there is the the side of like having a support system

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so whether that be from work or maybe it's family it could be your friends

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and not to the point where like you're depending on them

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for consistent reassurance consistent communication like i used to be this is

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so long ago to be honest i don't think i've ever spoken about this

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but me and my best friend whenever we were like i think it was like in the beginning of my

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career 20 -ish around that time we used to sleep on the phone together me

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and my best friend every single night because I didn't want to be alone.

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Like I literally did not want to be alone.

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And I think that now I've been living in an apartment alone for like five -ish years.

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And I just now am finally at peace with my own self.

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And it's taken so long to get here, but I wish I would have known it from the beginning of like, if I just poured into my purpose

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and poured into giving back to the world and occupying myself with things

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that really give me so much joy in life

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so it could be starting a new hobby like i picked up sewing

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and i'm starting to you know learn how to sew

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and i want to do different kinds of things where i feel like i'm showing myself love in different ways

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and it doesn't have to only come from a person because when we put so much

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expectation on people as well they will always let us down

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because we are imperfect as humans and we can never put so much focus on a person.

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For example, having more love for a person than God.

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And I, you know, it doesn't, it sounds kind of like crazy, but when you think about it, it's like sometimes you could go to a person about a problem that you're dealing with in your life

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thinking that they can solve this for you

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or like they're going to give you some form of advice that is going to help so much.

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But maybe they will give you advice.

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But at the end of the day, why are you putting all your trust into a person rather

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than your creator your creator is the one who can solve all your problems

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but sometimes we put more trust more expectations onto people

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and i think that there's this correlation to when you feel lonely

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when you feel isolated you're also not learning to fully fully turn to god in every moment of your life

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and you know i thought that i was even

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so close to god but it wasn't just about you know doing all my prayers

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and reading the holy book of my faith it was learning

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how to build a true genuine connection with god with the creator and like in my everyday life journaling my work

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when i wake up it's like this immense gratitude for your life right because

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maybe you are lonely but like look at a person who doesn't even have food it's just

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if you are more grateful in your life and you try to have this optimistic mindset more positivity in your life, you will start to just feel better.

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You're not going to overly focus on feeling lonely because one, you are occupying yourself with your purpose

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and your time is being spent on things that are actually bringing you so much more fulfillment.

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If you're not working on yourself, if you're not going to the gym, if you're not waking up and doing like some form of breath work,

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meditation, prayer, and you're just like opening up your phone right away, little things like scrolling on social media or having pointless conversations

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or watching things like shows that are going to make you feel less fulfilled, more empty inside.

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It's going to prolong this journey of feeling lonely and not in a good way.

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There should be a balance of like feeling lonely, but actually being at peace while you are alone because you realize

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that this is such a pivotal moment in your life where you are working on yourself.

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You're building yourself.

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So when that person is ready to come in, you will be able to receive them in such a healthy way.

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So I think that's really important is to like trust

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that god is going to bring a person into your life at the right time

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and to not let expectations of what other people want for

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you get to you you know some women are not able to get pregnant

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and god forbid that is any of us but like

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when i hear people say you know children are a woman's

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purpose maybe it's you know one part of We'll see you next time.

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our life.

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But what about the women that can't have kids?

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Are you going to say that she shouldn't go out

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and help this world in other different ways and get true fulfillment from that?

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And what about the women that don't even want children?

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There's this whole society thing of women need to go back to just taking care of the kids

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and taking care of the home and men be the providers, which is how it used to be.

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But honestly, I always take things back to even my faith of the women that were in at the time.

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They were entrepreneurs.

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They were businesswomen.

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They went out and did more for themselves

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but then my culture right culture faith being two different things

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is like the culture is saying like no women need to cook

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and clean at the house

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and then my faith is saying like no women can be true strong women

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that have such an impact in this world and

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so it's like i don't think that all women have to just settle down

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and have kids right away

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and i used to feel like i needed to explain myself like i remember i would sit

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and just explain why i am not ready and i would feel

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so empty after doing it

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because they would still not understand me like people won't understand you family won't

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and again like fear -mongering like you're running out of time you're not running out of time like me

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and my videographer were just having a conversation like our mothers had us at such a later age 38 36

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and you know that's not even i don't even think that's too old obviously it's different with women's bodies

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because we start to lose eggs and we go into like menopause

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and stuff which is you know different but i don't ever fear

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that i won't have kids because i do want kids but

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if i didn't ever have kids i always think about like

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if i have kids or like if i don't have kids

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and it wasn't written for me maybe it's because

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if i had children i wouldn't have patience

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and i wouldn't have treated the kids well or something does

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that make sense for example i struggle with patience and i know

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that like when i hear kids cry i i empathize

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but it's like mothers to go through what they go through with kids especially in public with toddlers screaming

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and like you can't control it you can't do anything i

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don't even know how it would be in the obviously you wouldn't do anything bad

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but it's like wow the patience and the tolerance

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that you have to have is that it's like i'm not ready for that

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and i think that's why again we have to think about

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things from a logical point of view like are you ready

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to receive something i kind of want to talk about what

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i also view love as in terms of this is turning into like lonely chapter

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but also like relationships i guess because i mean it's a parent in my life

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and i kind of want to just get this topic out

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because i've never really spoken about this it felt always

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so weird to talk about love and even the way

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that the movies

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and like shows portray love as i always would think it's like you know a fairy tale

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and you know you're supposed to love a person for the rest of your life

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and it's like a beautiful thing and i still do think

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that but i also think

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that like i don't know do y 'all think like love lasts forever

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or it's more of like you really build a strong connection with a person

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and of course there's love there

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but there's times where love looks hard like it looks ugly sometimes

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and as humans

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if we go through different periods of our life you're gonna

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have to find a person who's gonna ride through the highs

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and the lows and i view love as that

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and i also think i want a person i can grow

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and build with and so that means like

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when we're having conversations at the house i want to have

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someone who really understands me in terms of like we have similar similar viewpoints in life

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but also maybe it's like you're building something with a person because i feel like that

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kind of lasts even longer

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because it's like i don't know gosh i don't know i haven't been in a relationship in

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so long and i haven't really even shared

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that i've been in relationships on here

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because i always like i don't know i don't get scared of talking about my past

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but i've been in relationships where there was no i never went in with the intention

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that this person is someone that i can marry if that makes sense it was always like empty relationships and even

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waiting for the right person it can feel hard sometimes

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and not just having these like pointless conversations

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and like flings of course talking to people

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and experimenting with like you know is this person compatible

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and whatnot but when you're in pointless conversations or talking to people

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when you know that they're not right for you

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and you're just wasting time it's going to leave you feeling

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so empty inside and even myself like i would struggle with being a hijabi woman

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and i went from being looked at consistently from men

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and wanting that like i used to want that

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and i'm not saying every single woman wants attention it's obviously trauma

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and all these other things that you know

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that was coming out of it but like now being fully covered up

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and not getting the amount of attention from men it can

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be hard it can be also hard even feeling beautiful in the hijab

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or like finding a partner because again men are creatures of more physical

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and women we can lean into the more emotional side you know like sometimes

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when a man is not that attractive

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but he has a good personality we can be like you know um he's you know it's fine

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because he has a great personality he's funny he's kind he's loving but

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when a man is looking for a woman he has to be physically attracted to her like from the beginning

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because otherwise I don't know.

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It doesn't usually, like, I mean, in my cases, I just always feel like a man is a physical creature more than a woman.

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They're both emotional creatures, but like more physical for men.

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I truly believe that.

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So when I'm wearing hijab and I'm covering up, and I guess I would feel like I want that.

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Like I would want the attention again being covered.

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And it feels really weird saying that.

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But that's where I like go into this suppressing

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that need for instant gratification because

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if I am desired by a man who only wants me for the way that I look, it's going to be empty at the end of the day.

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You are going to end up feeling like, you know, where is the commitment from a man

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if he is only just wanting me because of the way that I look?

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Like, is he going in with the intention of marriage?

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Is he going in with the intention to pursue you long term?

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Or is it just kind of like a person to talk to?

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So whenever I look back at my past

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and I would have empty relationships it always made me feel worse even

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if i was just talking to a person and

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so that's why i also am like you know what i

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rather go through this lonely chapter of not talking to anyone

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because it's gonna make me feel empty

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if the person is not going in with the intention to

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truly truly marry me i also have spoken on my social

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media recently about not loving myself in the hijab as much

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but i think it was mainly

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because like we're coming off of ramadan well now this is going to be a couple weeks out later

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but like coming back off of Ramadan you're on this like

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spiritual high of fasting doing these extra acts of prayer and

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and stuff and then like you go from like

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that to normal life of course you're going to feel like a drop in faith

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and then I had to remind myself where am I going wrong am I praying all my prayers

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and am I being very intentional with my prayers like being very present with God

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because sometimes obviously in Islam we have five daily prayers

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and you kind of like recite something so it can be just a ritual

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but But it's so important that you're truly connecting with your soul to the creator in terms of like really,

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really like stepping away from the world and feeling this like disconnect.

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So kind of like when people go into meditation, like you're really sitting there and fully trying to take this in as like, you know, connecting with a higher power,

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thanking everything that you have and more of just, I don't know, just this relationship, this bond, this trust in a higher source that everything is going to be fine.

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So like, am I truly doing that in my prayer?

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and then the second thing was like what am i consuming

445

because y 'all

446

when you are consuming things it could be shows movies music

447

social media constant comparison online as well we are living in

448

a time where of course you know i love looking at

449

things on social media of like you know fashion inspo

450

or beauty inspo and all these things but sometimes you can get

451

so caught up in looking at perfect women on social media

452

and start comparing yourself start picking apart every single thing about you

453

and it's like you want to start changing yourself

454

or maybe it's like for some women it's like showing a little bit more

455

because like you know maybe men will want

456

that it's like everyone is on their own path on their own journey

457

but it's like when you are kind of on this journey to consistently want validation

458

and more so suppressing that need for it what you consume is going to be

459

so important because it's all going to affect your soul at the end of the day

460

and we don't think about it like that and that's the second thing and then the third thing is like

461

really connecting with your scripture because obviously I mean I cover for faith reasons women

462

that are on their modesty journey it's like why are you covering for example

463

when I learned about the hijab a lot of people would

464

tell me like you're wearing it for a man essentially

465

because your husband one day he's the only one who's going to be able to see you

466

that wasn't enough for me to put it on okay I

467

was like no what's the benefit for women long term

468

and it was more of the internal soul like focusing on

469

that and so I learned that through scripture and so sometimes

470

when i'm not connecting with the holy book of my faith i really go back and i'm like

471

let me continue to build my relationship with it

472

that is how i really built a strong relationship with god

473

that's how i learned who god was that's how i learned

474

how to live my life how to treat people better how

475

to just always just come back to i don't know reality essentially it's like learning learning the text

476

and i'm not talking about like just flipping through the book

477

because when scripture is written from a long time ago it can just sound so old sometimes harsh too you're like, what is this scripture even really teaching me?

478

And that's kind of when I like started diving into things, really researching on YouTube videos of like what this means.

479

And so I feel so strong in my faith when I'm connected to the holy book.

480

And then the last thing that I would really say is, are you putting full trust in God, the creator, whatever you believe in, like in terms of the path that is written for you,

481

especially when it comes to like just being authentic and doing things

482

that are aligned with you it's truly putting full trust

483

that you know i'm not gonna have the what ifs feel uncertain

484

because i know

485

that god is always working in my favor there is always

486

a blessing even in a hardship there's always a blessing in

487

it it's teaching me something it's preparing me for something greater and i always look at life in that way and

488

when i'm having these thoughts of like you know is hijab

489

ever going to block me from blessings is it going to

490

stop me from being successful ever i always come back to like let me fully trust

491

god i put this on because i love the true meaning of it

492

but sometimes when you're in a world where maybe you will get more opportunities

493

if you look better

494

or like you know it's driven by beauty for example then

495

maybe you'll have more opportunities maybe people will listen to you more for example And so I think that like, I always remind myself, I'm not fully trusting God if I'm having doubts.

496

And again, it's okay to have doubts, but like, I always remind myself of those things.

497

And then I feel stronger in faith, especially I would say prayer is the foundation, really.

498

I shared that on social media and I would always get comments of like, you're so strong in modesty, but like, no, I struggle.

499

I do struggle.

500

And I think it's normal to struggle.

501

And I think it's okay that we're able to come on here and say that without, you know, well, I mean, to be honest, I put that up and people were like, oh my God, she's going to take it off.

502

Like, bro, calm down i can come on here

503

and be a human let's talk about building more strength with modesty not only prayers

504

and acts of worship i'm talking more about like finding your style finding the things

505

that you feel confident in

506

because i am still in this journey of like trying to find my style a little bit

507

and and really figure out the ways that i layer my clothes

508

or maybe it's the silhouettes and i think

509

that every single one of us has a different kind of shape

510

and it's about finding the clothes that make you feel confident

511

and obviously my level of modesty

512

if you would say is like i try to avoid anything

513

that is like super figure hugging because i have a shape

514

and i have a body and in terms of like you know curves for example

515

so it's kind of been a challenge for me because

516

if i didn't have curves

517

and you know a body i would be able to wear

518

probably more things without having this fear of like okay you know my body looks this way

519

or like because obviously you know hips and glutes

520

and all these things and you go to the gym

521

and it's like it's not considered modest to some people

522

when you're in different outfits so now i'm like just trying to find my style

523

and as i experiment oh my gosh i actually received a comment

524

and i didn't even feel confident in this fit okay i put on a fit

525

and i would receive a comment it was like oh well obviously this will be on youtube

526

so maybe the girl who's tuning into this will you know

527

it's your comment she was like girl you need to find a stylist these fits are not it and i was

528

i take hate or like criticism i always take it like is it feedback

529

that i can go and improve and work on i'm actually getting a stylist now

530

but um i you know i've been trying to just figure it out

531

and honestly comments like that though i think just

532

when you're trying to you know give someone criticism always try

533

to do it in a kind way thank god i'm strong

534

and that i don't go and you know take off the hijab

535

or get so upset about a negative comment

536

because i i used to be so upset about comments

537

but now i'm like nah if you got a comment

538

and it's hey cool is there something

539

that i can take away from it maybe

540

but now i don't really care i think it's just like

541

i don't know i've built the bone in me to not i've also been through

542

so much on social media where people tried to come for

543

me not my own community it's more my own culture tried to come for me

544

and i was like you know what i'm not even gonna give into this

545

and that truly built me so i think i can handle any kind of negative comment

546

but like i think

547

when it comes to even just women showcasing their journey with

548

faith with modesty there's a lot of discouraging people out there

549

and they call it like the haram police which means like

550

if you're not you know arab

551

or muslim it's like the faith police where they try to tear you apart for every little thing

552

and there was actually like a whole thing

553

that went online of like oh hijab is a journey

554

so this guy basically like a lot of women will say you know hijab is a journey

555

and i i do believe

556

that hijab is a journey by like modesty levels is a journey because

557

if you go from zero to 100 it's not sustainable it

558

is not sustainable there was points in my faith where i went from zero to 100

559

and i was like okay let me like calm down

560

because i'm just going too far too quick for me i i went from shorts to leggings

561

and then from sports bras to a crop top

562

and you might think it's the same but no

563

when you go from sports bras you're showing everything like your

564

whole upper body then i went from crop tops where it's long sleeve

565

so then it was like covering my arms

566

and then i had to cover my stomach that was the next step

567

and that's the journey that i went on

568

and then it went to like baggy clothes and covering my hair

569

and stuff which it's like women have to go through their own stages

570

and work through it and find their own style with the hijab with modesty

571

and it is a journey and with

572

that journey there was like a man who came onto social media

573

and he was like pretty well known in the space

574

and he was like oh hijab is not a journey telling

575

women to like shut up basically that's what he said

576

and maybe he was joking but the context was not good

577

and that's kind of the that's how the men kind of treat this space of you know women

578

that are struggling with hijab and it's like you know telling them to take it off

579

if they're not wearing it properly and stuff which i think is incredibly discouraging and again if you are trying to

580

give love to people or like

581

if you're trying to encourage people to be on a better

582

journey it's like doing it with love not hate that's only

583

going to push people away from even wanting to practice any kind of faith it's like leading with hate

584

and i and i think

585

that we're lacking character our soul it's definitely taking me time

586

like it's been three years since wearing it i'm still trying to figure out my style

587

and feel you know fully fully confident in it

588

but i'm definitely like making progress like i'm i think also being in austin austin texas

589

if you haven't been here before it's kind of an earthy

590

vibe there's like a mix of la with a texas vibe

591

a little bit um it used to be really weird in terms of like very i like the word earthy

592

so i think that i can really experiment here without feeling judged

593

and yeah it's not like dallas dallas is so

594

so fixated on on status and materialism

595

and here it's more of like just calm

596

and people don't really care they just go about their business

597

and so that's why I feel free to try outfits post them

598

and then if you don't like them very sorry but I'm still trying I know I mentioned many different points

599

talking about how like the expectations of women pressure from society

600

from parents the lonely chapter struggling with modesty all these different

601

things at the end of the day I think it really

602

comes down to how you spend your time what you are truly driven by I think that when I tap into creating,

603

connecting with you all, because this is my purpose.

604

Being here, having conversations with people, talking about their struggles, the podcast,

605

everything that I'm starting, it's all driven by a greater mission to impact other people in life.

606

And that's where I get true fulfillment.

607

That's where I feel strong in modesty.

608

That's where I feel strong when it comes to loneliness.

609

That's where I feel strong

610

when it comes to not feeling the need to explain myself to people

611

when they have a certain expectation of me

612

and i didn't really even touch on this point

613

but like family right i i had to go against my parents to pursue social media

614

because my parents wanted a different path for me to go to school

615

and you know get a degree and go work as a physician's assistant

616

which is completely fine but it didn't feel right and i consistently felt like I needed to explain myself.

617

So I had to take a route of going against them.

618

And I'm glad I did because I went through so much.

619

Was there many times where I failed and had to get back up and try again?

620

Yes.

621

But like I listened to my intuition of what I felt was right for me in that moment.

622

And I'm glad I did.

623

And I think that don't allow expectations to hold you back.

624

Don't allow pressure or society to make you feel like you're running out of time.

625

And yeah, really lean into finding your purpose in this life

626

and you can't do that when you are consistently distracted

627

and are not allowing yourself to sit in silence that's something

628

that is very hard for us

629

and by sitting in silence i mean not feeling the need to have something constantly playing in the background like

630

when you're eating do you have to watch a show maybe you don't have time right

631

and that's why you're watching a show or watching something

632

but like try just try it sit alone no phone eat

633

in silence do more things in silence instead of waking up first thing in the morning don't check your phone

634

if that's not something that you're doing already do not wake up

635

and check your phone right away the first like the first thing

636

that you do same was like at night because that's

637

when you also feel at your loneliest

638

if you are in like a lonely chapter is like at

639

night don't spend your time staying up late going on social media watching shows doing pointless things

640

that are going to just take you out of feeling so strong in yourself.

641

And I feel my strongest when I am consistent with my routine.

642

I feel my strongest when I am disciplined and I'm sticking to my word.

643

And you won't even think about feeling lonely because you have

644

so much going on and you're giving back so much to the world.

645

And, you know, it doesn't even mean, again, it's not social media.

646

I'm talking about like your purpose in this life.

647

Like figure out what that is if you haven't already done so.

648

If you have, lean more into it or start doing things

649

that truly give you fulfillment in life again it could be

650

starting a side hustle it could be picking up new hobbies

651

it could be spending more time with family it could be

652

starting a social media career like who knows what it is like

653

or even just like picking up your phone

654

and you know creating videos online of talking about your life

655

and trying to give back to the world with things

656

that you go through like why not right

657

so just always have this mindset of like

658

if i feel lonely I am not locking into my purpose enough

659

and just always reminding yourself of

660

that is going to kind of just make you feel whole again I hope

661

that you took away something from this podcast and I hope

662

that if you are kind of in a similar journey you don't feel alone in it trust that you know

663

everything comes at the right time at the end of the day truly truly trust in God's timing for you

664

because he works in ways that we can never imagine

665

and yeah you are never alone you know we're on this journey together.

666

And.. yeah i hope you enjoyed this episode i will see

667

you guys in the next one let me know what other

668

topics you want me to speak about i will continue to like share real moments of my life

669

but then again i want to talk about other kinds of topics

670

that are maybe apparent in your life that you want me to speak about.

671

So I love you guys so much and I will see you in the next episode.

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This video has 671 sentences and 8440 words to shadow. The speech runs for 40:06. The speaker talks fast, about 210 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 86% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
lonely adjective	/ˈloʊnli/	Unhappy due to feeling isolated from contact with other people.
prayer noun	/pɹɛɚ/	A practice of communicating with one's God, or with some spiritual entity.
expectation noun	/ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/	The act or state of expecting or looking forward to an event as about to happen.
mindset noun	/ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/	A way of thinking; an attitude or opinion, especially a habitual one.
connect verb	/kəˈnɛkt/	To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object.
podcast noun	/ˈpɑdˌkæst/	A program, especially an audio program, produced on a regular basis, delivered over the Internet in a compressed digital format and designed for playback on…
topic noun	/ˈtɑpɪk/	A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest.
intention noun	/ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/	A course of action that a person intends to follow.
cure verb	/kjɔː/	To restore to health.
consistently adverb	/kənˈsɪstəntli/	In a consistent manner.
creator noun	/kɹiːˈeɪ̯təː/	Something or someone which creates or makes something.
attract verb	/əˈtɹækt/	To pull toward without touching.
blessing noun	/ˈblɛs.ɪŋ/	Some kind of divine or supernatural aid, or reward.
silence noun	/ˈsaɪ̯ləns/	The absence of any sound.
remind verb	/ɹəˈmaɪnd/	To cause one to experience a memory (of someone or something); to bring to the notice or consideration (of a person).

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
go through verb		To travel from one end of something to the other.
wake up verb	/ˌweɪk ˈʌp/	To stop sleeping; to awake.
go in with verb		To commit to something with; to partner with.
figure out verb		To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce.
pick up verb		To lift; to grasp and raise.
calm down verb		To become less excited, intense, or angry.
come out verb	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	To be discovered; to be revealed.
cover up verb		To conceal or disguise.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
“Used to” used to + verb — a past habit or state that is no longer true	used to be · used to sleep · used to feel
Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — an action that started earlier and is still going on	i've been taking · I've been living · i've been trying
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	have tried · I've accepted · i've spoken
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	was put · being taken · is meant

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 242 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “sh” and “zh” sounds: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, intention /ɪnˈtɛnʃn̩/, patience /ˈpeɪ̯.ʃəns/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, dish /dɪʃ/
Long words — get the stress right: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, ingredient /ɪnˈɡɹiːdi.ənt/, essentially /ɪˈsɛnʃəli/, experiment /ɪkˈspɛɹ.ə.mənt/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like lonely, prayer, expectation.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: The Lonely Chapter: Letting Go of Pressure, Finding Your Purpose - Learn English Speaking with Video

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

Key vocabulary in this video

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Grammar in this video

Pronunciation to watch

How to practise with this video

What is the Shadowing Technique?