Практика Shadowing: I tried to optimize my life. It made it worse. - Изучайте разговорный английский с YouTube
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I've spent thousands of hours obsessing over time management systems,
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I've spent thousands of hours obsessing over time management systems,
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trying to unlock the productivity secrets of the world's most effective people.
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And it was always about adding more.
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Waking up at 5am, timing every second of my day,
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tracking everything in color-coded calendars.
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I read all the books,
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tried the tools, and tested the systems.
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But none of it solved my problem with time.
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The harder I worked, the further away I felt from the life I wanted.
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It wasn't until I was forced to stop that I realized the irony.
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By trying to optimize my life,
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I was actually making myself miserable.
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This video is sponsored by Squarespace.
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I'll share more about how they helped me build all my websites later.
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So I've personally struggled so much with time management,
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like my entire adult life,
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but it's gotten so much worse over the past few years.
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And I think it's because of two things.
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First, we've seen this rise in the advice economy,
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like all these people, creators,
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influencers, smart people, dumb people,
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telling us the things that we should be doing with our time.
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Am I part of the problem?
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I don't want to talk about it.
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And then from the other side,
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I've also seen the complete evaporation of my own personal time as a business owner and now father of two kids.
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And so it's really in that mismatch right there where I get the most frustrated.
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Every day we get advice on social media about what we should be doing.
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If you want to be healthy and happy.
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You need to strength train four times a week,
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shop for, cook, and eat nutritious meals daily.
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Consume one gram of protein per pound of body weight and mega dose on creatine.
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Meditate for 30 minutes.
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Do 15 minutes of mobility training and sleep for eight hours,
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not including the time it takes to fall asleep.
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Do 150 minutes of zone two training per week.
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Read more books and make sure you find time to connect with nature.
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Get a six pack.
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Improve your VO2 max.
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Start a side hustle.
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Let the sunlight hit your face first thing in the morning.
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And of course, you've got to maximize electrolytes and do something about peptides.
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I don't know.
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I heard it on a podcast once.
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Peptides?
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Peptides?
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Peptides.
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Learn about personal finance, keep up with the news,
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and don't forget to finish the day with a 60-minute sauna cold plunge circuit.
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Not only that, but you also need to find time for normal life stuff.
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You know, making friends, traveling,
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answering emails, returning your packages to the post office, and having sex.
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I mean, where am I going to find those three minutes?
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This is the 24 hours you have in a day.
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This is the amount of stuff you're supposed to do in a given day.
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As you can see, most of us have very little time to do the things we want to do in life,
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let alone all the things we're supposed to do.
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By the way, this is all very scientific.
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So as a father of two children under three years old,
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I have been thinking about this nonstop.
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Like it's all I think about.
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Like I used to think I was good at self-development,
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but it turns out I just didn't have kids yet.
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Even doing basic things like working out,
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reading for enjoyment, and drinking eight glasses of water sometimes feels impossible.
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Nope, cranky, don't touch that.
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So naturally I started to use the time I didn't have to think about this problem.
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How do we manage our time in a way that allows us to do everything we want?
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There are of course, practical things you can do.
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Find a less demanding job,
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choose the right partner, hire help, or reduce your commute.
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According to Nobel prize winning behavioral economist,
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Daniel Kahneman, for many people commuting is the worst part of the day
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and policies that can make commuting shorter and more convenient would be a straightforward way to reduce minor,
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but widespread suffering.
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Keep rolling.
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Don't even pick.
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No!
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No!
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No!
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No!
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Oh my god!
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Oh my god!
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On top of these big decisions,
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there's an endless list of productivity advice out there.
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Many that I've tried, tested,
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and shared on this channel.
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Things like batching tasks, the Eisenhower Matrix,
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the Pomodoro Technique, and bullet journaling.
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And yeah, all of those things are really helpful and they do make a difference.
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I've noticed that myself.
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But even after having applied a lot of these systems and strategies,
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even being able to run my own business,
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have no commute and have a pretty solid support system,
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I find myself insanely frustrated with my inability to get the things done that I set out to.
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And so I've come to the realization that the problem isn't me.
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It's not that I'm not implementing the right systems
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or I haven't done the right things in terms of setting up a life where I can fit everything in.
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The reality is that there's just not enough time to do everything that I want to do.
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And if I can truly accept that reality,
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then I'm left with a very simple question.
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It's a difficult question, but it's really simple.
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What am I willing to say no to?
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Oliver Berkman, author of 4,000 Weeks,
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Time Management for Mortals, makes the argument that the real problem isn't that we're bad at managing our time,
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but that we're trying to fit too many things into a life that's already very short.
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As the title of the book gives away,
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most people have just 4,000 weeks on Earth.
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Most watching this video have already used up 30 to 40% of it.
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Our time here on Earth is limited,
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and so we have to be very careful about the things we commit to.
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As Berkman writes, the more you believe you might succeed in fitting everything in,
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the more commitments you naturally take on,
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and the less you feel the need to ask whether each new commitment is truly worth a portion of your time.
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And so your days inevitably fill with more activities you don't especially value.
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As the advice economy and self-development have taken off over the past few years,
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so has another trend, an obsession with optimization.
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Optimized skincare routines, optimized productivity systems, optimized healthcare routines.
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And of course, because you're adding so much to your life,
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you also need to optimize your time management techniques.
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everything needs to be optimized down to the 1%.
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If you're anything like me,
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you bought into this because you want to improve your life.
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And yeah, while a lot of this stuff seems like bullshit,
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doing a one-hour sauna cold plunge circuit every day does feel really good
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and would be amazing if you could implement it every day.
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But I think the thing that's rarely talked about in these circles
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is just how unrealistic it is for most people to fit a fraction of this stuff into their life.
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Or the fact that even trying to do so is the root cause of a lot of their misery.
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So I became a parent three years ago,
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and I've learned firsthand that there are so many more things you can say no to in life.
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And
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so I want to give you a quick look at my
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average weekly schedule to show you where all my time currently goes.
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So this chart represents a week in my life.
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Each block is equal to one hour.
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Let's start with family time.
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So I've got a three-hour block at the beginning and end of each day to spend time with family,
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including the entire weekend.
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These days, I usually put in eight hours of work per day.
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I do my best to give myself nine hours in bed per night.
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This accounts for the time it takes to fall asleep,
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as well as our kids wake-ups,
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which usually happens at approximately 12 a.m.,
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2 a.m., and 4 a.m every night.
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And that leaves me with a grand total of one hour of personal time per day.
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One hour.
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And that's if everything goes perfectly,
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I never run into traffic and no one gets sick,
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which pretty much never happens.
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I have spent so much time looking at this schedule just asking myself,
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like, how am I possibly going to fit all the things
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that I want to and feel like I need to do for myself into this?
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How am I going to find time to read,
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to do cardio, to lift weights?
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James Clear, the best-selling author and habit expert opened up about his struggles becoming a parent
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and in the process made it very clear why I had been having such a difficult time.
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Usually when your seasons change,
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your habits need to change.
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And that was fairly obvious to me when it comes to habits that were like a waste of time.
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Okay, now I don't have as much time to watch TV or to browse YouTube or check email or things like that.
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But it was much harder for me to realize that.
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And it probably took me like a year and a half to give up some of the things that previously benefited me.
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They were like really good habits in my old season,
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but they're just not a good fit for the current season.
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I think this really gets to the core friction that I've experienced,
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and I know so many other people have as well.
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It's not saying no to the things that are bad for us that's difficult.
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It's usually the things that are good for us that we have to say no to that are the most painful.
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So saying no to the things that give us fulfillment,
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that make us feel grounded,
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but being able to accept those hard no's,
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I think is one of the keys to finding inner peace.
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This video is sponsored by Squarespace.
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I've been using Squarespace for over 15 years,
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much longer than they've been a sponsor on my channel.
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And the reason why I choose to use them to build my websites
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and why I recommend them to all my creator friends is very simple.
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They make publishing websites incredibly easy.
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From getting your domain name to designing and developing your website,
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you don't have to know anything about code,
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development, or design to get started.
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And that's really good because I am terrible at all of those things.
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What I really like is that if you want to,
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you can keep things incredibly simple.
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You can use a template.
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You can use their blueprint AI tool to whip up the website pretty quickly.
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Or if you're somebody like me,
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who's a little bit more pixel perfect,
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you can work with a designer or a developer to put together a website that really matches your creative vision.
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And then later on, when I want to make changes,
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when I want to tweak things,
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I can jump in and do that myself.
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That has made a huge difference for me as someone who's largely a solo creator that works with freelancers.
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And of course, with Squarespace,
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it's not just about publishing a website.
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There are so many other tools that are really handy as a creator,
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from building an online store to growing an email newsletter,
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booking consulting gigs, tracking analytics and so much more.
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If you are looking to get started,
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build your own website, I've got a code.
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Go to squarespace.com to start your free trial.
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And when you're ready to launch,
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go to squarespace.com slash Matt D'Avella to get 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain.
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Thanks so much for considering.
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There was a long stretch during the first year of parenting
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when I just couldn't accept what I had to say no to.
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I had to give up on so many things that had previously been good for me.
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but I didn't want to.
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I didn't want to make less videos on this channel.
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I didn't want to spend less time working on side projects.
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I didn't want to have less time to meditate,
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to work on the weekends to meet a deadline,
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and I really didn't want to stop working out five days a week,
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making healthy meals, and having hours of connection time with my wife.
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So for a very long time I felt a lot of frustration
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and resentment because I felt like I was being forced to say no to these things against my will.
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And I think that these feelings were completely normal and valid,
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but eventually I realized that they weren't helping me grow,
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they weren't helping me solve my problems,
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or to make my life any better.
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They were just making me be a miserable person to be around.
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I had to accept that I chose this life,
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that these are the trade-offs of the decision that I made to have kids.
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These days I often have to say no to my work and even to my own health,
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but I've said yes to something so much more important.
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The most meaningful moments in my life.
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The joy of giggling and playing around with my kids for hours on end.
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Being one of the two people in the world that my son calls out for when he's scared.
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More meaning than I think I ever would have found otherwise.
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Sure, other things still matter in my life,
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but nothing matters quite as much as this.
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And I know that I've spent a lot of time here talking about my experience raising kids.
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And while very few time commitments come close to parenting,
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when I look back at my life before For kids,
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I still see a person that struggled to manage their time,
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to fit it all in,
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to follow all the great advice that I heard.
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So whether you're a parent,
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have a demanding job, you've got a crazy class schedule,
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or you just feel busy all the time,
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the lesson I've learned, and the one that I'm honestly still learning,
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is that when you find the things that are truly worth saying yes to,
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it means saying no to almost everything else,
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and not being bitter about it.
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Once I was able to really accept that I couldn't do everything,
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test out every new self-development routine or spend one hour a day baking in the sauna.
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I'm still pretty upset about that one.
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I began the process of unoptimizing my life.
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If I was lucky to have one to two hours of free time,
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how would I spend it?
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And for me, that usually means I'm lifting a couple times a week.
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I've got about three sessions of high intensity cardio per week.
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I fit in 10 minutes of meditation here and there when I can.
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And actually some of my favorite things to do with my personal free time,
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watch baseball highlights or reality TV with Nat or to do nothing productive at all.
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This is definitely not optimal,
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but when I stopped chasing the 1% gains,
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I started to be much more content,
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much more happy with what I have.
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And honestly, if I had time to do more,
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I think it would just make each thing I choose to do a little bit less meaningful.
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Thanks so much for watching.
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