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Roasting.
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An art form that has been around for so long.
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Years have passed, and people are still getting cooked.
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Now roasting is just all fun and games.
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It's jokes between you and your friends.
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But sometimes you're the main target, and you're the only one that's getting roasted.
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And that's why getting roasted can be so painful sometimes.
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You're the only one getting fried.
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And it's like no matter what you do, people are gonna be on your head for it.
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Say you're having a bad hair day.
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You pull up to the facility.
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You got like a few pieces of hair sticking up, but that doesn't matter People are gonna say you look like alfalfa from the little rascals
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And i'm looking my own parents would get on my head
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and say this to me And i've been roasted so much in my day-to-day life that i'm like, you know what?
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I just learned to embrace it at this point people are
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gonna roast you It is what it is like 95% of the time people are joking
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But sometimes people really mean that shit and I just sit there
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and think to myself damn My eyes really that far apart?
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Am I walking around looking like sid the sloth
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and I take a good hard look at myself in the
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mirror I put a ruler up to my eyes just to make sure no, i'm just kidding But back in the day
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and even now there are a lot of things that I still get cooked for now I hated having short hair,
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but my parents made me get it cut really short But there was this one time where my dad was just like, you know what you got a garbage haircut I don't know what the hell they did to your head.
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We're shaving it off
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So they sat me down in the kitchen I got a chair out of the basement
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and my head was completely shaved and you can only imagine the Roasts that were headed in my direction.
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I mean granted they were like elementary school roasts My friends
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were just calling me baldy as my hair follicles were non-existent
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and when all my friends came over It was so bad
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that I wore a hat in the pool I wore a hat almost everywhere
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and now i'm probably gonna get punished for it to this
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day I'm just gonna start balding at the age of 21 when my hair finally grew back.
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I had the courage to take my hat off
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But of course as you could imagine that had a very distinct and disgusting smell But me and my hat, you know what we conquered the world through thick
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and thin We were really locked in like that
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But another thing people would get roasted for back in the day is having a crush
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if you had a crush Everybody was gonna get on your head for it.
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People would sing a whole song just to roast you
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But no matter what the FBI would add to confront me to get
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that information out of me I wasn't telling anybody people would try to interrogate me
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and it was at the most random times too We could have been sitting there playing Pokemon cards.
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You have a crush spill the beans.
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I know you do Okay, that was overdramatic you get the point having a crush was a big deal
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So what I did instead is I would join in on roasting the people
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that did have a crush There was this one time where my friend was on the phone with his crush
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and we were all in an Xbox party with him
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And we played the most edgy and offensive memes that we could possibly think of.
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And his crush got mad and hung up the phone.
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Yeah, bro, we were some assholes for that.
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I'm not gonna lie, but it's kind of funny looking back on it.
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Like, look, if I was gonna get roasted, I had to participate myself from time to time.
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Another big thing that people would get roasted for was their hairline.
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And the big thing when I was like 13 was, quote, you have a McDonald's hairline.
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Your hairline looked like Vegeta's.
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Well, get ready to get cooked.
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And people that I went to school with or people I did sports with would do what's called, quote, a hairline check.
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And what this was is people would go up to you and ask to see your hairline.
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They would demand to see your hairline.
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They wanted to make sure that it wasn't a McDonald's hairline.
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This dude went up to me three times in one year just to make sure
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that my hairline didn't just magically change overnight.
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And oh my god, forget it.
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If you had a McDonald's hairline, yeah, see, I was friends with this one kid who did have one.
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This dude got called Ronald McDonald every day of his life.
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Now, thankfully, I was safe from that one.
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But a couple years later, there was a joke that was going around that if you were the quiet kid, you just got a strap tucked in your backpack ready to go.
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And I was the main target of this joke.
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And still to this day, I get cooked for it sometimes.
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I just don't really talk unless I have something of importance to say.
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I know I do this whole YouTube thing, but in real life, it's a lot different for me. So yeah, I've heard every school shooter joke under the sun guys is
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reaching in his backpack Oh my god They were just expecting
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me to just pull out an ar-15 in gta youtube not in real life
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And it didn't help at all that I would wear a hoodie
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and I would just put my hands in my hood pocket At
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that point I was just asking to be roasted and I had this emo ass haircut in middle school And of course,
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yeah, my fits were not up to par either I was repping a pokemon backpack
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and I wore the same pokemon and mario t-shirts every day
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and in middle school I was the neon kid like I had every color of traffic cone
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that you could imagine I would walk in
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and just flashbang people with how bright these damn colors were and I would wear sweatpants that were years old Bro, they had holes in them.
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They were dusty as hell
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and you know I wasn't exactly a fashion connoisseur over here
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Like you could have stuck my ass on the runway with
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how goofy my outfits were There was this one time I got made fun of for having a Pokemon backpack
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and I cried about it all day And even when I got off the bus and school was over,
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I was mad about I was telling my mom about it At that point school's over who fucking cares anymore?
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So what if your Pokemon backpack got made fun of
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and of course we can't forget this one If you get no girls, you're getting cooked.
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This one's really prevalent in high school and college in my experience at middle school Nobody really cared about that.
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But oh my God, I got clowned beyond belief.
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When I was just entering college, end of high school, the whole no bitches thing became a meme.
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So you already know at the roast sessions, I was front and center of that one as well.
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At any time I would try to say something back, all they had to do was say, you know what's crazy?
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I might need to find my hairline, but you need to find some shit.
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And everybody was on the floor dead.
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It was over.
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And where these roast sessions would take place is usually at the cafeteria table or just in a circle with your friends,
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either outside of school or where you're hanging out, whatever.
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And never do you want to be in the center of a roast circle.
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That's like asking to get cooked.
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Or sometimes people would have rap battles against each other and people in the crowd would make a beat.
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Crazy times, but I was not getting involved.
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But another thing you don't want to do is laugh.
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You never want to laugh because the person that's getting roasted is going to be like, I know I didn't just hear you laugh.
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And they're just going to start frying you.
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And obviously you don't want that to happen.
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You want them to just keep roasting each other back and forth.
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Getting involved sometimes is a death sentence, especially if you know that dude is good at roasting.
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There are a lot of times where people got on my head for laughing.
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So I just decided not saying anything at all was probably the best option.
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But if you decide to go head to head in a roast battle with somebody, These are different people that you will see in a roast battle.
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The dude that just takes it too far.
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Like somebody could say your head looks like an egg, bro.
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You look like Andrew Tate.
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And this dude will come out of the woodworks and say, That's why your mom tragically passed away in a car crash.
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Like damn, dude, he needed to bring his mom into it.
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What the fuck?
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That's just too far.
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Like it's just friendly banter back and forth.
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And at that point, the vibe is killed.
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That probably just hurt his feelings.
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So everybody's like, damn, that was fucked up.
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But this kid has no remorse.
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It doesn't matter to him.
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He just wants to win the roast battle the instigator There's always that one dude that says personally,
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bro I wouldn't take that disrespect and they start escalating the beef between you
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and this other person They're just trying to sit there chill
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with a bucket of popcorn as you get torn to shreds by this other person
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And now I had an instigator in my friend group and bro, i'm not trying to get involved So I hated when people would do this like i'm just trying to be a spectator.
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Leave me alone I'm trying to be on the bench like if you want me to get involved so bad, bro Why don't you get involved yourself?
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But then there's the kid that gets violent like he takes it
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so personally that he just decides to throw some punches I didn't know it was
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that serious to the point where you had to get up
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and just start throwing haymakers at this random dude This dude cannot handle being roasted He needs to win somehow
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and I guess he thinks him throwing punches
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and just beating this kid up for no reason is gonna get him the win But in reality, it's only gonna make you look worse It's different if it gets like very disrespectful.
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Obviously, I'm not letting that shit slide.
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But if it's something like you look like an egg, just let it go, bro.
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It's not that deep at all.
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There's always going to be the one person who gets insane information.
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I don't know how they get it.
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I don't know where they get it from.
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But they just happen to know everything about you.
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They might be watching you at night.
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You got to be careful.
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This person is your number one stalker.
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So you don't want to even try going up against them in a roast battle.
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They just dig up the most cryptic piece of information
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that nobody knew about and it's over for you There's no coming back at
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that point people will bring up that you were that one dude
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that pooped himself in middle school in another state
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And you moved here just to avoid the embarrassment like
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that has gotta cut deep And then we got the dude
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that tries to roast you in front of the girls There's always that guy
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that wants to make you the laughingstock in front of all
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the girls I'm sure a lot of people experience this one
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and oh I for sure did I was in college at this time
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and I was in the room with a bunch of people, right?
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And then these two random dudes walk in.
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There was a few girls there.
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And of course, they say hi to the girls, obviously.
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And they start talking to them and they want to have this crazy game.
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And I was on my phone at the home screen at this point.
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I put down my phone because I didn't want to be rude when they came in.
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And because I put my phone down, they thought I was trying to hide X-rated videos or some shit.
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First of all, fuck that shit.
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It's terrible for you.
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And second of all, why would I even watch it in front of people?
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And keep in mind, I didn't know these people at all.
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And they were saying like I was trying to hide a boner or some shit, and then they just walked out the room laughing and left.
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And they just went back to doing whatever the hell they were doing.
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Canon events.
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I've been doing a lot of scrolling as per usual.
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And that's how I find video ideas nowadays.
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I saw that a lot of people were talking about canon events or specifically male canon events.
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And now people have been making videos where they put their top 10 canon events on a list.
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Now I thought about it and I'm like, you know what?
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What if I put mine on a list?
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So yeah, let's just get right into it.
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Number one, fumbling a 10 out of 10.
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It happens to the best of us.
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Sometimes you just choke.
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There's really nothing you can do about it.
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One day you might be curry from three, and then the next you might be curry from the moon.
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And now unfortunately, I've had my fair share of experiences of fumbling.
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And sometimes I get afraid of fumbling, and that ends up being my downfall.
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And to cope with the unfortunate scenario of fumbling, I may find myself doing something such as working out, or making a video, or hell, even reading a book.
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Literally anything to take my mind off that shit.
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Getting rejected, definitely one of the worst feelings on planet Earth, But eventually the more you get rejected the more you'll be able to just take the l on the chin
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and walk away And not really think about it that much later.
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Hey, I mean it's a learning experience
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So we all gotta go through it eventually that's the type of shit
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that will build crazy character development Next we got the day
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you realize you are not going pro a lot of people
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growing up have ambitions of being a professional athlete Whether it's baseball basketball football, whatever and as you get older
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and go into high school People will start getting offers from crazy ass Division 1 or Ivy League schools.
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And then you're over there with nothing.
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Zero offers.
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Like, that's gotta be one of the most painful feelings of all time.
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I mean, for me, I realized that when I was in middle school.
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Like, I just got benched every f*ing day of baseball.
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And I knew at that moment, maybe it's time for me to hang up the hat with baseball.
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Maybe it's time for me to retire.
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So in 2018, I officially hung up the hat with baseball.
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And as sad as it is, sometimes you gotta move on.
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I've been playing baseball for eight years of my life at that point.
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After you realize you gotta hang up the hat, you just gotta accept it, bro.
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You just gotta accept that it's over.
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You are no longer a starter on the football team.
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Some people don't let that go, which is kind of crazy.
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Like, come on, bro.
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You gotta let it go at some point.
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Number three, we got getting embarrassed in front of a large crowd.
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I don't care what anybody says.
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There is no stronger canon event than public embarrassment.
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And once I experienced this, I was a changed man.
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And the first time I experienced this, this is exactly when I started caring too much about what people thought of me.
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Obviously, you should care to some extent, but obviously you should not let it control you.
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And the first time this happened to me, this is around the time roast battles became popular.
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Everyone was roasting each other.
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And then I didn't even say anything.
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I was just laughing.
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And they pointed at me like, bro, why are you laughing?
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You haven't said a word this entire lunch period.
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And then the table started laughing everybody at the table.
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This is a big ass lunch table, by the way.
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And I was fighting back tears.
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Okay.
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I was trying to hold into tears, but I knew it was true.
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So at the time it cut deep, even though really shouldn't have, it's not serious.
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It was a roast battle.
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But then again, I was 12 years old, so I thought my life was over.
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And if you're somebody that has social anxiety, you're definitely going to be terrified of this.
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I was somebody that would let these moments live in my head or rent free.
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I would think about it all the time.
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But when you remember, it's really not that deep.
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Everyone's going to forget about it.
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Eventually you just let it go and life just becomes a lot better.
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Now we got getting a bad haircut.
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I think everyone's gotten a bad haircut at least once in their life.
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And if you didn't, well, I guess you're just really lucky.
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That's why you got to find somebody to cut your hair.
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Like every single time you just can't get a random barber because you don't know if they're going to mess it up.
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You don't have a barber or stylist that you're locked in with.
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Yeah, dog.
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It's like playing Russian rudolette with your hair.
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You don't know who is going to cut your hair.
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You don't know if they're even qualified to cut hair.
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This might be their first day on the job and you may walk out of there bald.
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I don't know most likely not But you get the point
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and during this bad cut era your social life just gets
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hit with a huge nerf Your friends are probably gonna roast
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you you're gonna be sentenced to two months with no female interaction It's over I don't know
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if we were just born for this cut scene to be installed into our life
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But literally everybody goes through this for some reason like
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so many of my friends have gotten such terrible cuts to
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the point where they had to restart any confidence you had at that point, it gets completely stripped until your hair grows back.
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Then we got number five, discovering insane family lore.
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There's nothing like finally getting to that age where you start to find out and understand the family lore.
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And I was just a dumbass kid on his iPad in like the early 2010s.
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But now I'm tapped into the family lore.
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I know what's going on.
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And now most of the lore in the Duckalo family is good lore.
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Like I don't think we really have bad lore at all to be honest
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But sometimes there's a little bit of beef that goes down
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and I don't know It just happens in every family to be honest
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But then don't even get me started on
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that old photo book Every family has one
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and then you open it you'll start seeing pictures from like the 1960s
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And it just blows my mind finding out about people
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that I don't even know existed
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And it really does interest me sometimes looking back at old
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photos of my family Like it is kind of cool to understand and discover the lore of the Duckalo family.
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Now, if it's bad lore in the family, you'll look at the family members completely different after.
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And next we have getting roasted for being fat or skinny.
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One point in my life, Oreo Cakesters was my go-to gas station snack.
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I was like 100 pounds in the third grade, which is kind of crazy.
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And by fifth, sixth grade, I lost the rest of the weight.
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And I was very skinny until I started going to the gym in 2022.
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And I actually put on a little bit of muscle.
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I mean, I'm not skidding bones anymore, but I still got some work to do, obviously.
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But sometimes that one dude that gets roasted for being fat in the friend group, he'll come back and just turn his life around completely.
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He'll have the glow up of the century.
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And it'll just come back a new person.
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Like, it's pretty much like the Nick Avocado transformation all over again.
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And this really skinny dudes out there, they're sick of being compared to the Spongebob photo.
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So they hit this legendary gym arc and they never look back.
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Then a couple years later, they're benching 300 pounds like it's nothing.
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And speaking of working out, everybody has at least searched this video once.
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How to get abs in five minutes.
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Everybody's done it.
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I don't care who you are.
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I know in my Oreo Cakester days, I definitely did this for sure because I wanted to get abs in five minutes.
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I was too lazy to put in the work and get them.
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It had to happen.
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I needed to get them before the pool party I was going to or whatever it was.
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And the amount of minutes I wasted watching these videos was insane.
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But then you start to realize, okay, there's no shortcuts to getting ripped.
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You got to put in the work.
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You got to work out pretty consistently.
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Back then, I just had to realize there was no way around the gym.
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If it was that easy, you could just get them in five minutes.
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We would all have abs.
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And now we got the first all-nighter.
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Some of you probably have never pulled an all-nighter in your life.
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And some of you are like, I pull all-nighters all the time.
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And if you do, go to sleep, all right?
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Your body needs it.
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Now, my first all-nighter was when I was in high school.
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I think it was in like 2020.
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I stayed up all night watching YouTube videos and that I just slept during my zoom classes.
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I think I talked about this in my quarantine video already, but I remember it was just me and the teacher in one of my classes.
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And it was probably one of the most awkward moments in my life.
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But whether you played video games all night or whatever you decided to do, pulling an all nighter was something that we all had to experience at one point or another.
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And of course I would get that feeling of nervousness
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because I know if my parents walked into my room and saw me up at four in the morning, they would have been pissed.
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And I wouldn't have been able to play Xbox with my friends at the time.
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And this definitely played a part in my garbage sleep schedule
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because sometimes I'm going to bed at like three in the morning, four in the morning.
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It's bad.
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But once I get older, I'll definitely develop a more consistent sleeping schedule.
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And now we got running away from home, running away in air quotes.
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We've all done it or thought about doing it.
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I walked about halfway down my neighborhood
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and I realized I was gonna miss all the dino nuggets
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so i needed to come back
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but every time i would come back i felt like
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that one ant with the bindle and obviously my parents were responsible for me
329
so they had to let me inside they had to deal
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with my stupid ass shenanigans all day i really don't know
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why i thought running away was gonna solve all my problems shit gets hard it happens responsibilities pop up
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and it was gonna be even worse
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if i left the house i don't even remember the reasoning
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as to why i quote unquote ran away like okay bro
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no one's running away now we got your first job okay
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this is at least top five there's no way everybody has had
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that one job that's just absolute trash
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and my first job was at a supermarket around the time of the pandemic
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and i was trying to make the most of it talk
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to co-workers whenever i could i worked with some of my friends
341
which is cool but i barely got to talk to them
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because the managers would get on my head every time i
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would even though there's like not a single soul in the store
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and a lot of times i had to deal with bitchy customers
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and some people like customer service jobs and you know what if that's for you then I guess go for it.
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But that shit was definitely not me.
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That's all I'm going to say.
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I dipped as soon as I could.
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Now we got the feeling of being behind in life.
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The classic damn I'm wasting my life realization will just hit you like a truck sometimes.
351
A lot of times I spend too much time making YouTube videos.
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Okay, I will admit that.
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So I had to just go enjoy my life a little bit.
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The past few months I took a break from Wordy so I had to go travel a little bit, hang out with friends more, and just really enjoy what life had to offer.
355
And sometimes when you think you're wasting your life, then you'll realize you're behind.
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Like there's already 18 year olds getting drafted into the NBA.
357
Like ref, do something.
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Like what the hell's going on?
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But yeah, definitely a wake up call for sure.
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For me, especially to just get my shit together and start improving.
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But yeah, jokes aside, obviously not everybody's got to be a professional athlete.
362
You just got to make the best out of your life and just work hard and just keep improving every day.
363
And by working hard, I do not mean doing some stupid ass stunt on TikTok for views because for whatever reason, there's some people out there resorting to that option.
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I mean, actually grinding towards whatever you want your dream career to be.
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When you think of the most annoying place to go, you may think of work, school, a fucking porta potty, I don't know
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but honestly what i think beats all three of those places
367
combined as the worst place to ever exist the airport it's
368
really something the airport is one of those things it's like
369
well you kind of have to be here you know you
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gotta travel you got places to go well you gotta go to an airport unfortunately
371
and i travel a lot for business purposes
372
so i figured this would be a good video where the hell do I even begin?
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When I get there, first of all, it's usually 6 a.m in the morning, so I am dead tired, and I got a day of waiting in lines ahead of me.
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And for people who bring bags bigger than the carry-on size, they gotta wait in a line where they drop off their bag and pay $150 to get it on the flight.
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And that's why every time I travel, I just bring a carry-on bag.
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I don't even bother.
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Because the last time I did that, the line was like 20 minutes long, and I almost missed my flight, So I'm not doing that again and they are taxing like crazy with 150.
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I'm not paying that much bro.
379
Hell nah And then I immediately head over to the security line
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because apparently the security lines are bigger than the lines at disney What the f-
381
and sometimes it's just a ghost town Why the hell is it packed on some days
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and some days it's just a complete ghost town?
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I don't get it.
384
So depending on what time I show up, you know, i'm kind of gambling whether or not I miss my flight You know, of course when i'm standing there drowsy as hell, you know, the carpet's not looking too bad And of course
385
when i'm waiting in this line everybody is sick I don't know why everybody happens to be sick at an airport, but I always end up getting sick
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because of it There's people coughing all over the place sneezing
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Some people even were hucking up mucus like it was bad and if you're sick and you gotta go somewhere Well, that's out of your control
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But some people just don't even bother covering their mouth at all They make sure the spit gets all over people's faces.
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Okay, that sounded kind of wrong Well, you know what I mean though
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and whatever rare disease it is I get from the airport
391
That shit lasts for an entire month
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and i'm like taking medicine using cough drops Like i'm doing everything in my power to get rid of this sickness, but it just doesn't go away But when I finally get through this line,
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I am overjoyed at the fact
394
that it's over It's my turn to put my luggage through
395
and step through the metal detector and one time I stepped through the metal detector I stood there for a few seconds.
396
I'm like, okay, maybe they got something to say to me and they said nothing So i'm like, okay, i'm probably good I kid you not.
397
I move one step forward and this dude just yells at me.
398
Hey, wait at this point The whole airport was looking at me.
399
They're looking at me like i'm some kind of delinquent
400
or some shit But three security guards bring me to the side
401
and they start patting me down I had nothing in my
402
pockets by the way I don't understand what I could have possibly had
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that led to that happening I don't know then i'm gonna wait for my bags
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and stuff to go through
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and half the time they gotta go through all the zippers in my backpack
406
and the reason why they do this is people have brought some weird ass shit to the airport
407
so every time somebody has like a thing of toothpaste in there a water bottle
408
or anything they have to throw it out but that shit's annoying
409
but then finally i can go to my gate you know i can at least sit down
410
and wait for my flight in peace
411
and before it's time for me to board the flight you know i gotta get some snacks get some meats
412
and that's hella expensive i don't know why airport food is
413
so expensive what is so special about food and drinks just because they're in an airport.
414
But after that, you know, I board.
415
I get on a yellow plane that says Spirit, and then I inevitably fly to my du- Okay, I'm just kidding.
416
I don't fly Spirit Airlines.
417
Sometimes when I'm about to board, like we're locked in, five minutes left, they just say, you know what?
418
Your flight's delayed for two hours.
419
And at this point, I would have rather flew Spirit.
420
You know, all that turbulence is ass, but you know what?
421
I would have rather put up with that than a two-hour delay.
422
Oh, wait, actually, now it's four hours.
423
An hour later now it's five and then six.
424
I kid you not.
425
Yes, my flight has been delayed for six hours One time
426
it was delayed for 10 12 hours Usually the holdup is due to weather
427
or like a shitty aircraft And of course it sucks
428
because I don't want to spend my entire day in the airport Nobody does but after six hours, I finally get on this flight You know after so long through all the trials and tribulations.
429
We did it.
430
The flight is right in front of my eyes I sit
431
down immediately a kid starts crying I can't even just shut my eyes
432
and go to sleep for one second Like we didn't even
433
take off yet Then there was somebody else behind me who gave their kid an ipad You know, they were sitting there watching brain rot I don't know what the hell they were watching
434
But all I know is I just kept hearing a slip sound effect over
435
and over again And this kid had his ipad at max volume Dog get some headphones.
436
Holy shit Now everybody's got to sit here
437
and listen to these brain rot shorts for the entire flight There was no words in these shorts.
438
Nope, just straight sound effects.
439
But I honestly can't speak about entertainment considering I watched annoying orange and MLG videos when I was a kid.
440
That was like the first generation of brain rot right there.
441
But usually the takeoff and all that goes pretty smoothly for me.
442
But there was one particular instance where I sat down in a seat
443
and I had no clue what I signed myself up for.
444
The flight attendant came up to me and said, in the event of an emergency will you be able to
445
assist people getting off the plane i'm like uh yeah yeah definitely
446
and in my head i'm like what the did i just
447
sign myself up for there's no way i'm gonna be able
448
to help people get off the plane bro i'm stupid as
449
fuck bro i probably wouldn't be able to work the life vest thing
450
that they give you this was like one of my first times like traveling by myself
451
and i had no idea but if you sit in like the emergency exit row in the event of emergency, you got to be locked in helping people get off the plane.
452
So keep in mind, every time there was just slightly a little bit of turbulence, I would fucking shit myself.
453
I'm like, oh, are we going down?
454
Are we going in any emergency scenario?
455
All rational thinking just goes out the window for me.
456
But usually besides that, you know, takeoff goes pretty smoothly.
457
But I don't really pay attention to like who I sit next to or anything of that nature.
458
But sometimes people sit next to like the worst possible people on a plane.
459
And the number one candidate that you definitely want to stay away from is a nauseous person.
460
And now keep in mind, you're already covered in the grime and grease that lurks the airport.
461
And now you could possibly be covered in throw up.
462
The guy who's sick.
463
All right, listen, I'm sometimes this guy.
464
I'm just gonna be 100% honest.
465
But if I am sick on a plane, I always bring shit to help relieve my cough or whatever it is that I have.
466
Because me coughing the entire flight would definitely piss everybody off.
467
So I'm definitely not trying to do that.
468
And let alone if I'm sitting next to somebody that is sick.
469
I don't want to get sick myself, bro.
470
Now we can't forget the person that's kicking seats.
471
All right, if you sit in front of this person, it's over.
472
The entire flight, you're gonna have to deal with a kid that's off like five monster energies
473
that just loves kicking your seat.
474
Seriously, what is the purpose?
475
I've never understood.
476
Why the fuck are you kicking seats, bro?
477
I don't get it.
478
And lastly, we have the yapper.
479
Like, bro, just shut the fuck.
480
Like, I'm trying to sleep, dude.
481
Relax.
482
Like I don't need all this yap in my ear right
483
now Like I really gotta invest in some airpod maxes right now They got
484
that noise cancellation so I don't have to listen to
485
that bullshit Like I think the entire plane can hear you talking about your goddamn yoga class
486
or whatever bullshit Please talk quietly
487
or just shut up Usually I like to sleep on the planes
488
but if there's any of those people in my proximity Unfortunately, I will not be getting rest today But if there is any experience that pisses me off the most,
489
it has gotta be this one.
490
There was one time where I had a 5 a.m flight, and I was trying to sleep, and I heard a dog barking for almost the entire flight.
491
And of course, I was like a couple seats away.
492
Like, I couldn't even be further away.
493
But yeah, bro, eventually, I gotta go and use the airplane bathroom.
494
I don't know what it is, bro, but every time I step foot in the airplane bathroom, there just happens to be a shit ton of turbulence.
495
And I'm fucking pissing all over the wall and shit.
496
My aim is similar to that of a stormtrooper.
497
And it's just embarrassing, you know, because as a grown man, I shouldn't be missing the damn toilet bowl.
498
That shit's embarrassing.
499
But I seem to also have the worst luck with my timing because before I walk in there,
500
sometimes somebody just has to drop a fat dump and then I'm greeted with that smell.
501
And sometimes there's airlines that don't even bother cleaning the bathroom.
502
You can just imagine the foul atrocities in that bathroom.
503
The days worth of stench that the bathroom is collecting.
504
Then I sit back down and I try to sleep and, uh, I don't understand why the flight goes by so goddamn slow.
505
Like, if I sit down for six hours and I'm working for, like, the entire day, but if I'm sitting there rotting away in my chair,
506
watching YouTube or Netflix, that shit goes by so fucking slow.
507
And could that shit go by any faster?
508
Like, goddamn.
509
But after a grueling six hours, eight hours, whatever the elapsed time is, the flight is over.
510
I get off the plane
511
and i'm thinking it's over finally a long day of traveling
512
is almost done I just gotta get back to the airbnb i'm at
513
but no one more thing Unfortunately baggage claim baggage claim is a rudolette.
514
All right, it's hit or miss You either get your bag in 10 minutes
515
and you're out
516
or you're standing there for an entire hour waiting for other
517
flights bags to empty Out there was one time I was
518
getting off a flight at 11 p.m I stood at baggage claim for an hour and a half.
519
I've never been so pissed off in my entire life.
520
And they usually have different belts open to where they could start distributing bags.
521
They only had one belt open.
522
So you could just imagine how long that shit took.
523
But eventually they finally opened up a new belt and they started putting our bags in after an hour and a half, hour, 15 minutes.
524
And that's just the first step, all right?
525
There is a lot more stresses that come with traveling, unfortunately.
526
Like renting a car and hoping to god you don't get a flat tire
527
so you don't have to pay $500 and $300 for it to get towed
528
And then you also don't get a refund and then you also have to rent a new car Yeah, that shit is a pain in the ass Roommates,
529
the biggest hit or miss ever Whoever it is out there in this universe
530
that eventually ends up being your roommate You gotta hope by some miracle that you're able to live together Like for example, my roommate keeps his room a fucking biohazard Obviously,
531
I'm gonna want him to clean that shit If it's looking like Asmongold's room, bro, it's time to get the vacuum and clean it up.
532
No more excuses.
533
And a lot of people's first experience with roommates is when they go off to college.
534
And, well, that was mine too.
535
And I didn't really get bad roommates, per se.
536
You know, it was just sometimes living with other people, it bothered me, all right?
537
You know, everybody's on, like, different schedules.
538
And I'm that one person that's always up super late working.
539
You know, that's me.
540
But some of my roommates went to bed at like 10 p.m. So obviously
541
that was not gonna work out for me I was gonna have to just grind my schoolwork in the dark
542
and to be honest with you I don't blame them.
543
They had to get up mad early
544
But me I was able to sleep till like 10
545
or 11 on some days
546
And of course since I wasn't even able to pick my schedule my first semester
547
So a few of the days throughout the week I had an 8 a.m class in the morning
548
And if you're a college student, you know 8 a.m classes are garbage unless you're really up
549
that early in the morning Some of my roommates had to get up at 6 a.m like I said.
550
And there was four of us in this room, including my brother.
551
So I was just waking up to alarms left and right before I even had to get up.
552
And one of my roommates, his alarm sounded like a fucking fire alarm was going off.
553
It would just absolutely scare the lights out of me every morning.
554
My alarm's like the iPhone radar noise, and that already pisses me off to begin with.
555
Like I want to smash my phone with a hammer every time I hear it.
556
And I was not getting quality rest either.
557
It's not like I was sleeping on a soft, tempurpedic, memory foam mattress.
558
No, I was sleeping on a mattress or what felt to be a stone slab.
559
The mattress was old as hell, just completely worn out.
560
That's clearly seen better days.
561
And my school was not cheap at all, bro.
562
It was an arm and a leg for tuition.
563
And I had to pay even more on top of that for room and board.
564
My parents told me I had to enjoy the college experience, but honestly, I could have went without that part.
565
Now on the first day I was there, you know, my roommate met this girl obviously and uh,
566
they were together like the entire time I was rooming with him Which was for like a year and sometimes yeah, it kind of just made shit awkward The fact
567
that we didn't have our own space like we were just all in the same space
568
because sometimes I would hear them arguing Or
569
when I was trying to sleep like I'd hear them talking about some random bullshit I don't know
570
or they'd like watch a movie or something and the tv light was just blaring in my face And uh, yeah, sometimes i'd walk into the room and yeah,
571
they would just be making out It was very awkward Like it just made shit worse
572
that we didn't have our own space like
573
that was just bound to happen It was just gonna cause a bunch of awkward moments and uh, you know, sometimes when I wasn't looking Yeah,
574
sometimes they would make out when I was present in the room and i'm like, all right, bro I gotta get the hell out of here.
575
This is just awkward as shit So i'll just book it out of the room
576
and go get food or something
577
and by time the end of the year hit I just decided i'm just gonna live at home, especially if I have to record videos Imagine recording videos in a dorm like that's just awkward,
578
bro A bunch of people can hear the walls are
579
so thin like it would have just sounded like I was
580
like a deranged lunatic Just talking to myself about stupid ass stories I experienced
581
or whatever else I was talking about at
582
that point Like I would have been whispering into the mic
583
and I would have sounded like I was like the next
584
up-and-coming ASMR creator like it would not have been good You know, I was trying my hardest not to be a nuisance for my roommates
585
So it could at least be a somewhat decent living experience
586
But of course unluckily for me all three of my roommates were messy including my brother
587
And of course I would have to do a lot of
588
the cleaning The trash would just be straight up overflowing sometimes
589
And more trash would end up on the floor than the actual trash can Okay, it wasn't
590
that bad I'm just glad we did not have a kitchen
591
in our room Thank god Otherwise my ass would have been
592
the one stuck doing dishes That's just what was gonna happen
593
because I don't know just living in a messy space just
594
pisses me off I don't know why I like everything to
595
be somewhat clean I would have to vacuum the damn floors and shit
596
when no one else was in the room Like we all each had our individual corners of the room
597
and of course my brother the duck does not give a fuck about his room being Messy, so obviously his corner of the room was gonna be really
598
messy a huge pile of dirty clothes on the floor crumbs scattered everywhere
599
and as twin brothers i mean we literally agree on everything except this
600
but obviously when i tell his ass he's gotta step up
601
and clean he'll help me clean he just doesn't care about living in a messy environment
602
and while speaking of a messy environment you know we basically had a bunch of bugs
603
and shit living in the room with us like we had
604
ants we had a whole hornet's nest i didn't even know
605
about like they were just staying there rent free it was
606
like every time i'd get back from class i'd see like a bunch of dead hornets on the window sill
607
and i was like what the hell is going on, bro.
608
So I put in a work order because, well, I cannot live with hornets.
609
Like I'm not trying to go to sleep at night and just have a million hornet stings when I wake up.
610
But thankfully, that did not happen.
611
After like a week, they finally pulled up and got rid of the hornet's nest.
612
So yeah, just living in a college dorm in general was fucking shit.
613
I mean, it's not even my roommate's fault, to be honest.
614
Like the living experience was just garbage.
615
It was just mad awkward not having our own space.
616
And we had to share a bathroom with the entire floor, which was just so stupid.
617
Like it was just bound to be a mess.
618
There was bound to be puke in the showers, boogers on the stall or whatever.
619
And there was a bunch of hair in the sinks too and the shower drains.
620
I'm like, all right, bro.
621
Like the janitor is not getting paid enough to clean this.
622
This is bad.
623
And sometimes the trash was just overflowing in the bathroom too.
624
Because people just decided instead of throwing out all their takeout boxes in their own rooms, they just use the bathroom as a trash station.
625
And even just the amount of awkward experiences I've had
626
when people try to talk to me while I'm like taking a shit or in the shower is just unbearable.
627
So I would have to just try to go when nobody else is there.
628
Honestly, my roommates weren't that bad, but nah, my floor mates were absolutely terrible.
629
Now see, most people on my floor were chill, but I had some people that just really pissed me off.
630
I genuinely don't know how this happened.
631
Or actually, I do know how this happened.
632
He was drunk as hell.
633
But one time at three in the morning, this drunk kid put a bag of popcorn in the microwave.
634
He just let this bag of popcorn catch fire.
635
Like he just completely forgot about it.
636
So yeah, the microwaves are like really janky and old.
637
And like when you did it, you had to set it to like 30 minutes every single time.
638
Like you didn't have a choice.
639
So you'd have to keep an eye on whatever it was in the microwave.
640
And you know, you really don't need that many brain cells operating to remember that.
641
But clearly this kid was not on earth with us.
642
He was on another planet.
643
He just let this bag of popcorn catch fire.
644
The fire alarm went off.
645
And at first I thought it was my roommate's amber alert ass alarm.
646
And I'm like, already?
647
Jesus.
648
And I checked the time and i'm like it's three in the morning.
649
What is happening right now?
650
And then all delirious I realize it's the fire alarm every single kid in
651
that building got their sleep Interrupted
652
because some kid decided to put popcorn in the microwave
653
and forget about it And at this point we were in like january
654
So it was freezing cold out and everybody was confused at what just happened
655
And eventually I found out
656
because like some kids were just talking about it in class Now some people on my floor were wannabe tiktokers.
657
All right.
658
They wanted to be the next up and coming TikTok stars.
659
And there happened to be this trend where people would knock on doors and play the song called Die Young by Kesha.
660
And they would play the song on a boom box.
661
And right when it said, I hear your heartbeat to the beat of the drums, however it goes, they just start banging on the door.
662
And I was like, what just happened?
663
Like, did somebody just get assaulted outside of my dorm room?
664
Like I was trying to speed run work that was due tomorrow.
665
And out of nowhere, I just heard this excessive banging on my door.
666
And I'm just gonna assume that it was the same people, probably, that left an empty box of waffles at my door, followed by a note that reads, you deserve this.
667
We love you guys.
668
I was just like, okay, this has got to be like some alternate timeline.
669
This has got to be like a fever dream.
670
Like this whole year that happened in my life did not feel like a real event that transpired.
671
And a lot of my floor mates loved blasting music at like seven in the morning.
672
I don't know why.
673
I don't know why they had to put music on at 7 a.m., but they did.
674
One of my roommates was blasting Dub by Yeet at 7 in the morning, and you know what?
675
I was hyped that day.
676
That shit got me up.
677
You know what?
678
That was a good start to the day.
679
I'm getting up.
680
But sometimes I'd hear country music, and I'm like, all right, bro, just turn that shit off ASAP.
681
You know, if you like country music, that's all you, bro.
682
That's just personally not me.
683
I'm not trying to hear about tractors and wagons at 7 in the morning.
684
And you know, for the most part, it was manageable.
685
It would annoy me a little bit, except for this one time.
686
So this kid on our floor invited somebody from another school
687
and him and this other kid went through our floor
688
and a bunch of other people's floors to see
689
if their doors were unlocked to try to hit a lick on random shit just lying around in people's rooms.
690
And usually we did not keep our door locked, which was really bad.
691
Like, I don't know how the hell we survived.
692
And these two kids just bursted the door down.
693
And luckily my roommate and his girlfriend were there.
694
Otherwise, all our shit would have got finessed.
695
And they were about to go take something off my desk and they were like, yo, what are you doing here?
696
And then they just dipped out of the room and the door was locked for the rest of that night.
697
I just decided, you know what?
698
I have shit to do in the morning.
699
I don't want bro to attempt that shit again.
700
I'm going home.
701
And my roommate said he was holding down the fort for that night.
702
And they ended up stealing other people's shit because they weren't in their room at all.
703
And the door was open and they ended up taking a bunch of stuff.
704
So the school obviously made a big deal about all of this.
705
And whoever it was, the kid that was stealing sh was about to get expelled.
706
So they had to call all of us as like witnesses.
707
And they asked us about the situation.
708
Because he was one of the only people that ended up seeing the kid trying to steal stuff.
709
And what happened was we got called down to the main office.
710
And like one of the deans of our school was talking to us.
711
And basically asked us what happened in a nutshell.
712
And we just explained it to him.
713
And then he asked my roommate what the kid looked like.
714
And I guess he gave like a brief description of him.
715
And you know now I think about it.
716
I think I kind of knew who the kid was like i've seen him before
717
But I didn't know him by name and after he talked to us in a few more groups Eventually, he found out who the kid was
718
and his ass got expelled deservingly as for my roommates and other floor mates They were fine.
719
You know, it wasn't the end of the world except for that dude that tried to steal shit
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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку
Этот урок разговорной практики уровня B1 построен на видео «The Worst Things That Can Happen To You..». В этом видео 719 предложений и 9110 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 40:08. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 227 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 84% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка; остальные стоит разобрать перед занятием.
Ключевая лексика этого видео
Самые сложные слова из видео (15), с произношением и значением:
| Слово | Произношение | Значение |
|---|---|---|
| roast глагол | /ɹoʊst/ | жа́рить, зажа́рить |
| roommate существительное | /ˈɹu(m)ˌmeɪt/ | сосе́д по ко́мнате, сосе́дка по ко́мнате |
| lore существительное | /loɹ/ | зна́ние |
| awkward прилагательное | /ˈɔk.wɚd/ | нело́вкий, неуклю́жий |
| crush глагол | /kɹʌʃ/ | дави́ть |
| backpack существительное | /ˈbæk.pæk/ | рюкза́к, ра́нец |
| messy прилагательное | /ˈmɛsi/ | беспоря́дочный, гря́зный |
| popcorn существительное | /ˈpɑp.kɔɹn/ | попко́рн |
| alarm существительное | /əˈlɑɹm/ | трево́га |
| fumble глагол | /ˈfʌmbəl/ | мять, тереби́ть |
| haircut существительное | /ˈhɛə(ɹ)kʌt/ | стри́жка |
| garbage существительное | /ˈɡɑɹ.bɪd͡ʒ/ | му́сор, отбро́сы |
| annoy глагол | /əˈnoɪ̯/ | надоеда́ть, надое́сть |
| dormitory существительное | /ˈdɔɹ.mɪˌtɔɹ.i/ | о́бщая спа́льня, дортуа́р |
| turbulence существительное | /ˈtɝ.bjə.ləns/ | турбуле́нтность, турбуле́нция |
Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите
| Слово | Значение |
|---|---|
| end up глагол | зака́нчиваться, зако́нчиться |
| get off глагол | спуска́ться, спусти́ться |
| come back глагол | возвраща́ться, возврати́ться |
| get up глагол | поднима́ться, подня́ться |
| find out глагол | узнава́ть, узна́ть |
| go down глагол | спуска́ться, спусти́ться |
| hang up глагол | ве́шать, пове́сить |
| run away глагол | сматываться, убега́ть |
Фразы, которые стоит повторять
Короткие законченные фразы из видео, которые пригодятся в повседневном разговоре:
- It's jokes between you and your friends.
- What if I put mine on a list?
- I'm like, oh, are we going down?
- Are we going in any emergency scenario?
- I just decided, you know what?
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Present Perfect Continuous have/has been + -ing — действие началось раньше и продолжается | have been sitting · I've been doing · have been making |
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | has been · have passed · i've been roasted |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | i've been roasted · were headed · were really locked |
| Придаточные определительные who / which + предложение — уточнение о человеке или предмете | kid who did · person who gets · grade, which is |
Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание
Говорящий использует 264 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например I'm, don't, gonna. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.
- Звуки «th»: smoothly /ˈsmuːðli/, athlete /ˈæθ.liːt/
- Звуки «sh» и «zh»: crush /kɹʌʃ/, transformation /ˌtɹæns.fɔɹˈmeɪ.ʃən/, interaction /ˌɪn.təˈɹæk.ʃən/
- Длинные слова — следите за ударением: dormitory /ˈdɔɹ.mɪˌtɔɹ.i/, instigator /ˈɪnstəˌɡeɪtɚ/, embarrassment /ɪmˈbæɹ.əs.mənt/, transformation /ˌtɹæns.fɔɹˈmeɪ.ʃən/, legendary /ˈlɛd͡ʒ.ənˌdɛɹ.i/
Звуки, трудные для русскоязычных:
- /w/ — губы округлены, это не /v/: awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, microwave /ˈmaɪkɹoʊˌweɪv/, qualify /ˈkwɑ.lɪ.faɪ/
- /h/ — лёгкий выдох, а не русское «х»: hairline /ˈhɛɹˌlaɪn/, haircut /ˈhɛə(ɹ)kʌt/, hornet /ˈhɔɹ.nɪt/, hammer /ˈhæmɚ/
- Звонкие согласные в конце слова — не оглушайте их: awkward /ˈɔk.wɚd/, garbage /ˈɡɑɹ.bɪd͡ʒ/, bind /ˈbaɪ̯nd/, microwave /ˈmaɪkɹoʊˌweɪv/, rude /ɹuːd/
Как заниматься с этим видео
- Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
- Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
- Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как roast, roommate, lore.
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.