Shadowing Practice: allow me to de-influence you | relationship edition - Learn English Speaking with Video
Ders oluşturuluyor...
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I fear that some of the most romantic relationship advice you hear are also the same advice
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that keeps you making bad decisions in love.
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So allow me to de-influence you from some relationship beliefs that might be ruining your love life.
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Hi muses!
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Welcome back to the channel where women who want everything learn to have their cake and eat it too.
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I'm your host Nadine and I am all about Rebuilding the Village for Women.
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I just want to thank you for being here.
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Please subscribe if you're new so you never miss any of our chats.
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I'm a total lover girl and I love romance.
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I love the idea of finding your person and building this beautiful life together.
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I do believe that love will heal the world, but I also think that if you have a lot of love to give,
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it makes it even more important to have discernment because there are
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so many ideas about relationships that we have romanticized that never really actually benefits the well-being of women.
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And then you get so attached to what love is supposed to look like
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or feel like that you stop paying attention to what's actually unfolding in your relationship.
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And when you have a huge capacity to love someone, you also have a huge capacity to rationalize the things they do.
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You see potential, you find meaning and struggle.
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You give multiple chances until eventually you realize that you've just gotten really good at explaining why the relationship isn't good yet.
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I've learned a lot through my own relationships, heartbreaks, mistakes, and just seeing love very differently now after knowing how much relationships can change you.
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So today I'm sharing six things I had to learn in my own love life.
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Some came from realizing that things I used to romanticize weren't actually serving me,
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and some are conclusions I've come to simply because I've gotten much wiser
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and clearer about the kind of love in life I actually want.
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You absolutely do not have to agree with every single one.
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These are just my perspectives, but maybe one of them will make you look at something in your life a little differently.
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As always, we don't gatekeep, So let's step into it.
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Number one, butterflies in your stomach is a nervous system reaction and not proof of chemistry.
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You know, when you get really excited and nervous when you meet someone new.
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Yeah.
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I kind of learned to ignore that your body reacting intensely to someone does not automatically mean that is your husband.
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Sometimes it's just your nervous system recognizing something that feels familiar, which may or may not be healthy for you.
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We've been fed this idea that love has to start with this intense passion and be obsessive and all-encompassing.
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You meet him and you can't eat.
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You can't sleep.
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You're checking your phone every five minutes and you're like, oh my God, I've never felt this way before.
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Sometimes that's just excitement and anxiety.
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The freshness and novelty of not knowing where you stand with someone creates butterflies.
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Someone love bombing you can create butterflies, but when you fall too hard too fast,
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you end up missing or ignoring all of the signs and red flags.
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And if you're used to emotional unpredictability, stability can't initially feel kind of boring.
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There's no emotional roller coaster.
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You're just getting to know someone and they're clear with their intentions and pursuit.
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But I think that's how some of the healthiest love begins.
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It's much slower because you're actually paying attention to his actions, his behavior, his intentions, his character,
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and most importantly, his consistency.
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Of course, be attracted and please be excited about him, but just know that intensity means nothing if he can't be consistent.
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Number two, the idea of the right person at the wrong time just means this was the wrong person.
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Let's not glorify it.
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I have this window or door theory, which I actually apply to a lot of things in life.
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You can meet someone who treats you really well and checks a lot of your boxes, but the relationship still couldn't happen.
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Lack of attraction, problems around values, timing, things out of your control.
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I have started thinking about these people as windows instead of doors.
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A window lets you see something.
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A door gives you somewhere to go.
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And sometimes a person comes into your life just to show
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you what is possible without necessarily being the person you're supposed to build your life with.
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Maybe he showed you what emotional availability feels like, or he showed you that men can actually communicate,
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or maybe you finally experienced a generous man, or he loved a part of you you thought was too hard to love.
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And because that experience expanded your standards, you think it has to be him.
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But maybe his purpose in your life was just to show you what is possible.
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Number three, I'm kind of scared and nervous to share this one, but the dream girl theory is real and you know when you are her.
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I know this one is going to hurt
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and it might piss some people off because I have made some women upset with this, but they always come back to me and tell me that I'm right.
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So I need you to hear this because it's going to be part of a big life decision you make.
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I believe in the dream girl theory, not in the sense that there is one perfect woman who can magically transform a terrible man.
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Absolutely not.
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We do not touch that.
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But I do think that when men are truly in love with you, you can feel it.
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When he appreciates having you in his life, when he can't stand seeing you in pain, can't stand seeing you struggle,
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There's a level of care and devotion, almost like he would literally do anything within his means for you.
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That's where you see the babying, the coddling, or his softness, or how gentle he is with you, how much he wants to do things for you.
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Unfortunately, most women get into relationships with men who like them just enough,
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or with men who use them as placeholders while they are building or until they can get the girl they actually want.
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I am skipping the placeholder talk because if you work on your self-worth and your self-love enough, you would eventually get out of that relationship on your own.
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But the sneaky one is the man who likes you just enough.
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He'll do everything right.
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You'll get married.
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You'll have kids.
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He'll give you your once a month dates.
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He'll send you flowers on all the right holidays and your birthday.
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Everything will be split exactly 50-50.
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You'll have your twice a year family vacations.
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He'll be a great father and a passable husband,
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yet you will feel like you can never ask him for more because he just doesn't want to give more to you.
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This is never really a bad deal for him because he gets everything he wants.
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You've given him a family, kids, companionship, a warm bed, sex, your responsible great wife.
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You've given him everything, but you'll find that your emotional needs are rarely ever met.
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He does the basics of a good husband, but nothing more.
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So you'll feel crazy for being unhappy and feel bad for wanting more.
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And I'm not saying that these relationships don't work out.
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In fact, I think these are the majority of a lot of relationships and marriages, but just know exactly what you're signing up for.
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A man who holds you in the palm of his hands, who truly wants a life with you
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and is always looking out for you is not going to
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feel the same as a man who is strictly just looking for a partner to do life with.
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Number four, no one is coming to save you.
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I am going to speak on this from experience.
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I had hit a low in my life previously where I was really struggling
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and just praying I would meet someone who could help me out of the dumps.
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Let's just say that the mindset you're in at rock bottom is not a very empowered mindset to date with.
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If they can help you, they can leave you back where you were unless you build up the skills to thrive on your own.
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On the flip side, through that experience, I had also become so strong and so independent,
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so exhausted of doing things on my own, so capable that I also felt like, damn, I just want a man to show up and see all
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that I am carrying and let me feel safe to lean on him.
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Someone who was like, baby girl, you have done enough.
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Let me take care of you.
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But babe, you have to give yourself the life you want and the love you want to yourself first.
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You have to learn how to thrive on your own while creating space for the man you want to meet you halfway.
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Because no man that you actually want is going to waltz into your life and fight you to be the man.
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He's not going to argue with you to let him take care of you.
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He's just going to be like, okay, she's got a handle.
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She doesn't need me.
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Let me go to someone who actually wants me to care for them and can appreciate me.
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And if you're an absolute train wreck on the flip side and you're waiting for a man to save you, no man who has his life together
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and has a good head on his shoulders is going to attach himself to chaos and drama.
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And that is a fact.
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You got to be strong for yourself.
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You got to level up.
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You got to create opportunities for yourself to date better
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and make sure that you are also someone the man you want wants to.
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Number five, love is not enough.
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Your partner is the only family member you get to choose.
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So you have to choose wisely.
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You don't get to choose your parents.
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You don't get to choose your siblings.
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You don't get to choose the family you are born into, but you do get to choose the person you create your own family with.
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And I don't think this is talked about enough how consequential this decision actually is
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because you're not just choosing a boyfriend or a husband.
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You're choosing someone you're potentially going to share a home with, make financial decisions with, celebrate with, travel with, age with.
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Someone who might be sitting next to you in a hospital room one day.
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The person who is supposed to hold your hand when one of your parents pass away.
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Love is important, absolutely, but character, values, and emotional safety matter so much more.
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Your relationship with him becomes the blueprint of love your children model after when they grow up.
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Yes, divorce is so common now, but you still have to deal with each other because he's the father of your child.
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Ask yourself honestly, if you removed the romantic part of this relationship,
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would you still choose this person as your partner for the biggest group project of your life?
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Do you trust your future with this man's character?
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Last one, number six, struggle love is over romanticized and suffering is not a virtue.
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I really want us to let go of the idea
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that suffering or struggling with a man somehow earns you a better version of him later.
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I was there when he had nothing.
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I held him down.
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I believed in him before anybody else did.
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I stayed for everything.
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Okay.
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And I'm not saying that there is no value to the work you've put in
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or that you should never do this for a good man, but you need to understand the risks and the opportunity costs.
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Being his day one does not guarantee you will be there on day 3650.
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Enduring hardship with him, depending on his character, may or may not buy you some loyalty because how somebody behaves when their circumstances improve
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has so much more to do with their character than how much you sacrificed along the way.
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There are men who appreciate their wives because she's been there since day one
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and now he has all the resources to give her the best life.
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And then there are men who leave their starter wives
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and love their second wives even more because now he actually has his dream girl.
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And then there are men who reach success, fall out of love with their wives, but stay married out of loyalty and because they want to keep the money in the family.
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But it might be a loveless marriage.
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They might open up their relationship.
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He might have mistresses or whatever.
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You don't really know who he's going to be until the day comes.
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So again, know exactly what you're signing up for.
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I think we started attaching morality to a woman's willingness to struggle with a man.
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Like if she stays in struggles, she's loyal.
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If she says this isn't the life I want and I'm done, then suddenly she's selfish or a gold digger.
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But you are allowed to value peace and stability.
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These are just some of the insights and realizations around love and relationships I've come to understand through my own reflection.
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I think if there's one thing I want you to take away from today,
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it's that you have to stop letting romantic ideas make decisions for your real life because some things sound beautiful in theory,
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but you have to realize most of it is a fantasy.
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You are the only one
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and potentially your future child who has to live with the choices you make and the life those fantasy ideas actually create.
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At the end of the day, you decide the road you wanna take, the things you wanna do, but just try to make sure you are doing it for the right person,
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that they are actually worthy of your love and that you are not abandoning yourself in the process.
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I have always said this, getting into a relationship is easy.
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Getting into the right relationship with the right person is what's kind of hard.
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Does this relationship actually make your life better?
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Do you like who you are with this person?
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Do you respect the person you're building a life with?
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Do they respect you?
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Are you choosing him based on who he consistently is today, his characters, morals, and values?
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Or are you choosing him based on who you're hoping he'll eventually become?
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Because if nothing about him changes from this exact moment forward, would you still choose this relationship?
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Because that is the person you're actually with.
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That's all the cake I have for you today.
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Thank you so much for watching until the end.
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I appreciate it so much.
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And if you enjoyed our little chat today, please like, hype, and leave a comment to share your thoughts, and I'll see you in the next episode.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu B2 seviyesindeki konuşma dersi “allow me to de-influence you” videosuna dayanıyor. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 185 cümle ve 2555 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 15:02 sürüyor. Konuşmacı dakikada yaklaşık 170 kelimeyle, günlük konuşmaya yakın doğal bir hızda konuşuyor. Kelimelerin %89’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodaki en ileri düzey 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| butterfly isim | /ˈbʌ.tə(ɹ).flaɪ/ | kelebek |
| thrive fiil | /θɹajv/ | gelişmek, inkişaf etmek |
| mindset isim | /ˈmaɪn(d)ˌsɛt/ | düşünce tarzı, zihniyet |
| loyalty isim | /ˈlɔɪəlti/ | sadakat, vefa |
| blueprint isim | /ˈbluːˌpɹɪnt/ | mavi kopya, ozalit kopya |
| freshness isim | /ˈfɹɛʃnəs/ | tazelik |
| loveless sıfat | sevgisiz | |
| obsessive sıfat | /əbˈsɛs.ɪv/ | obsesif, takıntılı |
| sneaky sıfat | /ˈsniːki/ | sofistike |
| hardship isim | /ˈhɑɹdˌʃɪp/ | zorluk |
| muse fiil | /mjuːz/ | düşünceye dalmak, derin derin düşünmek |
| sibling isim | /ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/ | kardeş |
| wisely zarf | /ˈwaɪzli/ | akıllıca, bilgece |
| novelty isim | /ˈnɑvəlti/ | yenilik |
| circumstance isim | /ˈsɝ.kəmˌstæns/ | durum, hâl |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| grow up fiil | büyümek, yetişmek |
| pass away fiil | göçmek, Hakk'ın rahmetine kavuşmak |
| show up fiil | ortaya çıkmak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- I'm a total lover girl and I love romance.
- Do you trust your future with this man's character?
- Does this relationship actually make your life better?
- Do you like who you are with this person?
- Do you respect the person you're building a life with?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | have romanticized · you've just gotten · I've learned |
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | women who want · someone who treats · woman who can |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | We've been fed · be attracted · will be split |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı you're, I'm, don't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 69 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: intentions /ɪnˈtɛnʃənz/, companionship /kəmˈpænjənʃɪp/, consequential /ˌkɑnsɪˈkwɛnʃəl/, freshness /ˈfɹɛʃnəs/, rationalize /ˈɹæʃənəlaɪz/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: romanticize /roʊˈmæntɪsaɪz/, companionship /kəmˈpænjənʃɪp/, consequential /ˌkɑnsɪˈkwɛnʃəl/, rationalize /ˈɹæʃənəlaɪz/, realization /ˌɹɪə.laɪˈzeɪ.ʃən/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: consequential /ˌkɑnsɪˈkwɛnʃəl/, wisely /ˈwaɪzli/, willingness /ˈwɪlɪŋnəs/, halfway /ˌhæfˈweɪ/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: placeholder /ˈpleɪsˌhoʊldɚ/, thrive /θɹajv/, flip /flɪp/, blueprint /ˈbluːˌpɹɪnt/, freshness /ˈfɹɛʃnəs/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: romanticize /roʊˈmæntɪsaɪz/, attach /əˈtæt͡ʃ/, companionship /kəmˈpænjənʃɪp/, magically /ˈmæd͡ʒ.ɪ.kli/, passable /ˈpæsəbəl/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; butterfly, thrive, mindset gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.