跟读练习: Always Angry? Try This Technique Before The Next Blow Up - 通过视频学习英语口语
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Are you always angry with blowups or stewing about something?
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There's probably some hidden hurts stirring it up.
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I'm going to show you how to analyze your anger.
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I'm Dr. Tracey Marks, a psychiatrist, and I make mental health education videos.
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Our emotions are the way we express ourselves and affect how we feel about ourselves, the decisions that we make, what we believe about the world, and how we interact with others.
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Renowned psychologist, Dr. Paul Ekman, identified six basic emotions that we all have.
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Fear, surprise, happiness, sadness, disgust, and anger.
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From this group of emotions, the most destructive to relationships is anger.
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Yet, it's a normal emotion that we all have.
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How you express your anger has a lot to do with your personality and your upbringing.
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If feeling angry makes you feel vulnerable and exposed, you may suppress your anger and not express it because you fear losing control.
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Suppressed anger is a form of avoidance and can lead to anxiety and feelings of depression.
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On the other hand, some people don't filter their anger at all, and as soon as something triggers them, they express their anger with aggression, either yelling or sharp words or actions.
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And action may be as simple as deleting you from my contacts or blocking your messages because you say things that make me angry or hurt my feelings.
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I could insult you back, but because that's not my personality, I wouldn't know what to say.
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So rather than invite an argument with you, which I'll probably lose and make me feel worse, I just delete you.
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Sometimes, the immediate expression of anger is a good thing and allows you to purge the negative feelings and move on.
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But it can be a bad thing when your response is too aggressive, like blowing up at people or having a reaction that's out of proportion to the trigger, like feeling heat in your chest from anger when someone interrupts you too many times, and the person doesn't even realize how much their interruptions bother you.
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Another sign of pathological anger is chronic anger when you're always angry or annoyed about something.
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So anger can be adaptive if it helps you prune away negative situations or experiences like the example of deleting people who upset you, or it can be maladaptive when the expression of it does more harm than good.
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When dealing with maladaptive anger, it's helpful to look at what lies underneath the anger.
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And one way to examine your anger is to think of it as an iceberg that has a visible part above the surface of the water, but then a much larger part lying beneath the surface that you can't see.
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The visible part is the situation that triggers your angry response.
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In the middle, just below the surface, is your hurt feelings and unmet needs.
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Then at the deepest layer is fear.
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Let's look at an example of how to analyze this together.
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Think of a situation that triggered your anger and caused you to blow up at someone in a way that seemed excessive, or maybe you didn't blow up, but you felt very angry as if someone poked a sore spot on you and now you're aggravated, distracted, and just in an overall bad headspace.
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Here's a hypothetical example.
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My sister Jane asked to borrow $500 from me to start a new business.
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She quit her job because the company no longer allows her to work from home, and she didn't want to have to drive to an office anymore and wants to be her own boss.
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I know Jane, and I know that although she was being paid for an eight-hour day, she probably only worked a couple of hours each day.
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She doesn't have a whole lot of ambition, and I can't see her making enough money to replace her old job.
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When I tell her this, she says...
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- Why can't you just be on my side this one time?
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- implying that I don't trust her, which I don't.
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So, to be supportive, I give her the money.
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Months passed and I don't really get many details about how Jane's new business is going.
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Whenever I ask, she just says, "Oh, it's fine." We get together at a family dinner and my mom asked Jane how she likes her new job.
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I say, "You mean her new business, right?" Jane, matter-of-factly says...
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- Oh no, that didn't work out.
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I had to get a real job.
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- I then asked about my $500 and she says...
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- Oh, sorry, that went into the business, and I had to close it down.
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- I asked, "When were you going to let me know?
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I still want my money." My mother then says...
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- Oh, don't be that way.
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At least she tried something on her own, and why are you so mad?
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You can afford $500 or you wouldn't have given it to her.
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- Now, I'm enraged.
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I blow up at my mom and sister, and I leave the dinner.
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I get even more angry when my father later calls me and tells me that I need to be the bigger person in this situation and let it go because we all know how Jane is.
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Now, I'm livid.
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I can't bring myself to curse my dad out, so I burst into tears and hang up on him.
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Here's my iceberg analysis, and this is hypothetical because I don't have a sister.
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Did I have a right to be angry at Jane for telling me that she blew my money, moved on, and had no intentions of paying me?
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Sure, but that's not really what infuriated me, causing a scene at the family dinner and on the phone with my father.
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So, thinking about the top of the iceberg, the first blowup came from my mother saying that I don't need the money.
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Moving just below the surface, why was that statement so hurtful?
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Because it's a recurring theme, that as the successful child, I don't need much.
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Jane was always needy and failing at something, so she got extra attention and help from my parents.
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So deep down, I feel like my self-sufficiency made it easy for them to let me grow up on autopilot without much support because I didn't need it.
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The second dagger came from my father with his statement that I needed to be the bigger person.
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Again, that triggered a longstanding hurt that I have to be the mature one who lets things go and not show upset.
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So that's the hurt behind that anger.
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What was the unmet need?
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In this specific situation, I needed my parents to empathize with me for being angry at my sister for her inconsiderate behavior.
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I needed them to acknowledge that I had a right to be upset instead of treating me as if I was a bully.
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Now looking even deeper, what's the fear?
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I fear that they, my family, will never let me be imperfect, and if I am, they won't love me.
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I fear the dynamic of me, being the unflawed person without any needs, will never go away, and because of that, I'll never feel close to them.
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And if I really let my mind think about this fear, I may realize and then admit to myself that I actually hate them, and I fear that they'll eventually figure that out.
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Now that conclusion sounds harsh, but the reality is, often, fears that trigger anger have an ugly primitive core to them, and they're primitive thoughts that we don't want to accept on a conscious level.
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Usually, it takes a trained professional to help you recognize some of these unpleasant thoughts, but it's not impossible for you to become self-aware with lots of reflection.
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The positive that can come from uncovering unpleasant thoughts like this is to give you a chance to address the hurt and fear directly instead of only reacting to it.
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So in this case, after pondering how I got here with so much anger about this $500, I conclude that I need to give my family a chance to respond to my feelings of being emotionally neglected over the years and using my success against me.
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Sure, I have an axe to grind with my sister for acting so entitled and insensitive, but it's really my parents who caused the hurt.
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Having a conversation with my parents can help them understand what's really bothering me, it's so much more than money, and give them a chance to make amends.
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Now, yes, there are parents who intentionally harm their children.
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That happens, and it's a terrible thing.
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But there are a lot more parents who are flawed individuals and unintentionally make mistakes that they don't realize have the longstanding effects that they do.
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And I've seen this kind of situation many times, and I've seen a parent confronted about this who had no idea that their child was harboring these feelings.
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The mom says...
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- I was just so thankful that I didn't have to worry about you like I did Jane.
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- But mom doesn't realize that focusing on the special-needs child made the self-sufficient one feel unloved.
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And that dynamic shows up again and again in various situations until it finally gets addressed.
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Another way this iceberg analogy can help is giving you more empathy toward others who blow up all the time or seem easily angered or irritated.
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We all have these icebergs.
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And although it's not okay to attack people because of deeper hurts, understanding that the angry, volatile person may have some unresolved needs may make it easier to overlook their reactions.
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It doesn't mean they should get a pass every time they get angry and lash out, but at least you can avoid engaging with them, because if their reaction is based on some deeper hurt, you're fighting a battle that has little to do with the surface issue that started it.
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I have some other videos on managing anger, and I'll have them linked in the description if you want to see more on anger.
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Thanks for watching. See you next time.
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本课的词汇与口语要点
这节 B2 级别的口语课以视频“Always Angry? Try This Technique Before The Next Blow Up”为素材。 视频中反复出现的词有：anger, angry, fear, hurt, Jane。 这段视频共有 91 个句子、1702 个单词可供跟读。 讲话部分时长为 10:07。 说话人语速自然，每分钟约 168 个词，接近日常对话。 82% 的单词属于英语最常用的 3,000 词，其余的词建议在练习前先学一下。
视频中的重点词汇
视频中最难的 15 个单词，附发音和释义：
| 单词 | 发音 | 释义 |
|---|---|---|
| iceberg 名词 | /ˈaɪsbɝɡ/ | 冰山 |
| emotion 名词 | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | 感情, 情感 |
| hypothetical 形容词 | /ˌhaɪpəˈθɛtɪkəl/ | 假設的 /假设的, 假定的 |
| suppress 动词 | /səˈpɹɛs/ | 抑制, 鎮壓 /镇压 |
| unpleasant 形容词 | /ʌnˈplɛzn̩t/ | 令人不快的 |
| primitive 名词 | /ˈpɹɪmɪtɪv/ | 原始人 |
| analyze 动词 | /ˈæn.əˌlaɪz/ | 分析 |
| autopilot 名词 | /ˈɔtoʊˌpaɪlət/ | 自動駕駛儀 /自动驾驶仪, 自動駕駛 /自动驾驶 |
| empathize 动词 | /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/ | 同情 |
| enrage 动词 | /ɪnˈɹeɪd͡ʒ/ | 觸怒 /触怒, 激怒 |
| inconsiderate 形容词 | /ˌɪnkənˈsɪdəɹɪt/ | 不體貼 /不体贴 |
| interruption 名词 | /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpʃən/ | 中斷 /中断 |
| irritate 动词 | /ˈɪɹ.ɪˌteɪt/ | 激怒, 刺激 |
| ponder 动词 | /ˈpɑn.dəɹ/ | 思考, 琢磨 |
| sufficiency 名词 | 充分, 充足 |
视频中出现的短语动词
| 单词 | 发音 | 释义 |
|---|---|---|
| blow up 动词 | 炸掉, 爆破 | |
| go away 动词 | 離開 /离开, 走 | |
| show up 动词 | 露面 | |
| work out 动词 | /ˌwɝk ˈaʊt/ | 計算 /计算, 算出 |
视频中的语法
说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：
| 结构 | 视频中的用法 |
|---|---|
| 被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的 | being paid · are flawed · is based |
| 定语从句 who / which + 从句 — 补充说明人或事物 | people who upset · one who lets |
需要注意的发音
说话人用了 40 次缩略和弱读形式，例如 don't, didn't, can't。请按听到的简短形式来说。
- “th” 音: hypothetical /ˌhaɪpəˈθɛtɪkəl/, empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/, pathological /ˌpæθ.əˈlɑd͡ʒ.ɪ.kəl/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, thankful /ˈθæŋkfəl/
- “sh” 和 “zh” 音: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, interruption /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpʃən/, intentionally /ɪnˈtɛn(t)ʃənəli/, aggression /əˈɡɹɛʃən/, ambition /æmˈbɪʃ.ən/
- 长单词——注意重音位置: maladaptive /ˌmæləˈdæptɪv/, hypothetical /ˌhaɪpəˈθɛtɪkəl/, autopilot /ˈɔtoʊˌpaɪlət/, inconsiderate /ˌɪnkənˈsɪdəɹɪt/, insensitive /ɪnˈsɛnsɪtɪv/
中文母语者容易读错的音：
- /v/ — 不要读成 /w/，上齿轻触下唇: maladaptive /ˌmæləˈdæptɪv/, primitive /ˈpɹɪmɪtɪv/, aggravate /ˈæɡ.ɹə.veɪ̯t/, insensitive /ɪnˈsɛnsɪtɪv/, uncover /ʌnˈkʌvɚ/
- 词尾辅音 — 要读清楚，后面不要加元音: iceberg /ˈaɪsbɝɡ/, maladaptive /ˌmæləˈdæptɪv/, suppress /səˈpɹɛs/, unpleasant /ʌnˈplɛzn̩t/, primitive /ˈpɹɪmɪtɪv/
- /r/ 和 /l/ 的区别: hurtful /ˈhɜɹtfʊl/, reflection /ɹɪˈflɛkʃən/
如何用这段视频练习
- 先完整听一遍视频，不要开口，记下不认识的单词。
- 先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟读，熟练之后再回到正常速度。
- 录下自己的声音并与原声对比，特别注意 iceberg, emotion, hypothetical 这类单词。
什么是跟读法？
跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。