跟读练习: Understanding EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT: the key to resilience - 通过视频学习英语口语
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I'm Dr. Orion Taraband, and this is Psych Hacks, Better Living Through Psychology.
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The topic of today's short talk is understanding emotional detachment.
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So I thought this episode might be necessary after conducting a
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recent consultation with a well -spoken young man who watched my episode, How to Love Without Emotional Attachment,
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and who came away with what I considered to be some misconceptions about my message.
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However, I reasoned that if this intelligent guy had these misconceptions, then probably other people did as well, and that maybe my message wasn't entirely clear.
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So I thought I would make a follow -up episode to critically examine emotional detachment, what it is and what it isn't.
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Emotional detachment is an incredibly useful skill.
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In fact, it might be the most important emotional survival strategy of which I am aware.
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And I approach the concept of emotional detachment through a Buddhist lens,
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namely through the realization that the universe is in a never -ending process of becoming.
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Everything in this world is ephemeral.
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Even now, the present moment is changing, is dying, is transforming into something else,
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which will itself change, die, and transform.
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Within this understanding, everything that we have will eventually be taken from us.
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So why cling?
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Permanence is an illusion in the world under the sun.
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Your property, your relationships, your incarnate being, you'll lose them all in the fullness of time.
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So how will you respond when it comes time to let them go?
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Will you give back what you had with gratitude for the time that you were allowed to spend with it?
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Or will you cling to it with an attachment that is as tenacious as it is futile?
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Futile because no amount of tenacity will succeed in holding something a moment longer than you possibly can.
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On the other hand, emotional detachment is a skill that facilitates surrender.
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And surrender is something that we will eventually have to do with respect to everything that we have been given, including our own lives.
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It's a way of holding things gently.
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And this is important because, as I discussed in my episode, Hold People Like Sand, the tighter you squeeze,
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the more what you're holding tends to slip through your fingers.
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Now, I need to be clear about something.
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Emotional detachment does not mean that you have no emotions.
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A complete absence of emotion, in my opinion, is not something we should be striving for.
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Unfortunately, many men do succeed in functionally divorcing themselves from their emotional experience.
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However, I believe that such men do so at great cost to themselves.
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This is because it generally requires some degree of self -violence in order to amputate a component of your lived experience.
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Of course, most men cannot do this completely, so they arrive at a place where the only emotion that they can consistently recognize is anger.
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Long periods of a kind of numb neutrality are punctuated periodically with intense episodes of anger and frustration.
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And that is no way to live life, my friends.
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For me personally, emotions make my life richer, more interesting, more enjoyable, more complex.
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I like having emotions, but I am also very emotionally detached.
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Emotional detachment does not mean that you sort of dissociate from your emotional experience
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or that you alienate yourself from your feeling sensitivity.
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We do not want to become unfeeling rocks.
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This is an extreme solution.
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That said, we also do not want the other extreme solution, which we might call emotional fusion.
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When a man is fused with his emotions, there is no space between his felt experience and his seat of being.
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In emotional fusion, the man is his emotional experience.
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If he feels something, he not only assumes that the emotion is justified, but that he must act on the emotion in some way.
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This person has to say his piece, or wears his heart on his sleeve, or generally rides the hedonic roller coaster.
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He's overjoyed when things are going well, and heartbroken and despondent when things don't go his way.
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Such men have no emotional detachment and little self -control.
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And this is a terrible way of moving through the world for many reasons.
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In the first place, your emotions are not always justified in as much as the model of reality from
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which your emotions arise may not be entirely aligned with that reality.
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And acting on the basis of a flawed model is very likely to create pain and suffering.
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And in the second place, emotions change even when they are justified.
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Emotions are like the weather.
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they're constantly shifting.
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Acting from a place of emotion often leaves you with consequences
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that far outlast the emotion that originally produced the impulse to act.
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And that's a very dangerous asymmetry.
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You can make a decision in anger or fear or hopelessness once that will permanently change the rest of your life.
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It's not fair, but that's the way it is.
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Now, before I go any further, if you're liking what you're hearing, please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message
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because it's word of mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow.
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You can also hit the thanks button and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this message.
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It's your support that makes all of this possible.
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I don't do corporate sponsorships or product placements, so I really do rely on you guys to help me make all this happen.
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And I really do appreciate your support.
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Thank you.
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Now, what should we do instead?
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It's a better idea to find some middle path between these two dangerous extremes.
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And that middle path is emotional detachment.
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To begin with, it helps to not treat your emotions like they're precious.
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I discussed this in greater detail in my episode, Emotions Are Impersonal.
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People think emotions are personal because only they get to feel them.
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However, behind every emotion is a thought, and the thoughts that consistently create those emotions are impersonal.
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If I were to think the same thoughts and believe them to be true, then the same emotion would arise in me as well.
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So we don't have to consider emotions to be these inherently valuable jewels
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that are more meaningful or significant than other aspects of our experience.
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In my opinion, it's better to hold our emotions gently and to consider them in light of multiple sources of information,
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our reason, our senses, to decrease the likelihood that we're being misled.
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In this way, we can consider emotions to be a source of information among many other sources of information.
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And we can do this more easily by kind of observing our emotions at some remove,
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like you can remain still and unmoving in the seat of your being while simultaneously watching your emotions circulate through your body.
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That's what I mean by emotional detachment.
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It's like experiencing your emotions at arm's length.
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And this allows you to consider the information or even wisdom contained within them without allowing them to permeate your entire consciousness.
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If emotional fusion is like drowning and emotional amputation is like staying as far away from water as possible,
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then emotional detachment is like swimming.
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You're in the water, but you're not of the water.
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And this is useful because our emotions are actually really important sources of information for us.
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We typically need our emotions in order to make good decisions.
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Here's something you might find interesting.
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It's sometimes the case, usually as a consequence of some tumor or growth, that a person's limbic system,
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the portion of the brain responsible for emotional processing in mammals, must be surgically removed.
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As might be expected, these people don't experience emotions after these procedures,
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but perhaps more unexpected, they also develop a terrible time making decisions.
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Like if you were to put one of these people in the cereal aisle of a grocery store,
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they would spend hours debating what box of cereal to buy.
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They'll think, okay, this box is $4 .25 and has a net weight of 22 grams.
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Now, this one's a bit less expensive, but its net weight is proportionally lower, so the cost per gram is actually two cents higher.
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That said, it also has more niacin per serving,
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so the two cent per gram savings in the one case might be more than offset by the relative deficiency in niacin,
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and so on, and so on, and so on.
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Do you see what I'm getting at?
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In the absence of emotion, there is only factual information.
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And the human mind is actually not great at keeping a
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lot of factual information in its working memory at any one time.
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This creates information overload, which in turn leads to analysis paralysis.
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On the other hand, a normal person just walks down the cereal aisle and says,
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ooh, lucky charms, and throws it in his cart and keeps on moving.
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People have to make like 10 ,000 decisions a day.
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And most of these decisions don't really matter.
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This is where emotions come in.
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One of the primary functions of emotions is to serve as heuristics in decision making,
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allowing us to navigate the world by expending fewer cognitive resources.
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People who don't have access to their emotions struggle to make decisions.
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And that's because decision is an act of the will and has more to do with emotion than thought.
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So that's emotional detachment, the ability to observe your emotional experience at some remove.
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This will allow you to access the information contained within your emotions without necessarily acting upon them.
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You can feel the emotional impulse to act without relenting to it.
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This requires some measure of self -discipline, but like any other virtue, you strengthen it by practicing it.
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By not clinging to your own emotional experience, you will increasingly learn to allow things to come and go,
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which in turn will help you to be more present, more grateful, and ultimately more loving in your relationships.
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Hopefully that clears a few things up.
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What do you think?
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Does this fit with your own experience?
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Let me know in the comments below.
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And if you've gotten this far, you might as well like this episode and subscribe to this channel.
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You may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like the priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation.
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As always, thank you for listening.
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本课的词汇与口语要点
这节口语课以视频“Understanding EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT: the key to resilience”为素材。 视频中反复出现的词有：emotion, emotional, detachment, experience, episode。 这段视频共有 130 个句子、1749 个单词可供跟读。 讲话部分时长为 11:07。 说话人语速自然，每分钟约 157 个词，接近日常对话。 83% 的单词属于英语最常用的 3,000 词，其余的词建议在练习前先学一下。
视频中的重点词汇
视频中 15 个值得学习的单词，附发音和释义：
| 单词 | 发音 | 释义 |
|---|---|---|
| emotion 名词 | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | 感情, 情感 |
| anger 名词 | /ˈæŋɡə/ | 發怒 /发怒, 忿怒 |
| justify 动词 | /ˈd͡ʒʌstɪfaɪ/ | 辯解 /辩解, 辯護 /辩护 |
| fusion 名词 | /ˈfjuː.ʒən/ | 核聚變 /核聚变 |
| gram 名词 | /ˈɡɹæm/ | 克, 公克 |
| cereal 名词 | /ˈsɪə.ɹɪ.əl/ | 穀物 /谷物, 穀類 /谷类 |
| skill 名词 | /skɪl/ | 技巧, 技能 |
| absence 名词 | /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/ | 缺席, 不在 |
| surrender 动词 | /səˈɹɛndə(ɹ)/ | 投降 |
| consequence 名词 | /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/ | 後果 /后果, 結果 /结果 |
| observe 动词 | /əbˈzɜːv/ | 遵守, 遵循 |
| transform 动词 | /tɹænsˈfɔɹm/ | 變換 /变换, 變形 /变形 |
| consultation 名词 | /ˌkɑnsəlˈteɪʃən/ | 會診 /会诊, 磋商 |
| arise 动词 | /əˈɹaɪz/ | 起來 /起来, 產生 /产生 |
| aisle 名词 | /aɪ̯l/ | 走道, 過道 /过道 |
视频中出现的短语动词
| 单词 | 释义 |
|---|---|
| follow up 动词 | 跟進 /跟进 |
| give back 动词 | 還 /还, 交還 /交还 |
值得反复跟读的句子
视频中简短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常对话里：
- It's your support that makes all of this possible.
- That's what I mean by emotional detachment.
- It's like experiencing your emotions at arm's length.
- Do you see what I'm getting at?
- Does this fit with your own experience?
视频中的语法
说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：
| 结构 | 视频中的用法 |
|---|---|
| 被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的 | be taken · were allowed · have been given |
| 现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事 | have been given · you've derived · you've gotten |
| 定语从句 who / which + 从句 — 补充说明人或事物 | man who watched · someone who might · People who don |
需要注意的发音
说话人用了 22 次缩略和弱读形式，例如 don't, you're, I'm。请按听到的简短形式来说。
- “sh” 和 “zh” 音: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, fusion /ˈfjuː.ʒən/, consultation /ˌkɑnsəlˈteɪʃən/, consciousness /ˈkɑnʃəsnəs/, proportion /pɹəˈpɔɹʃən/
- 长单词——注意重音位置: consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, consultation /ˌkɑnsəlˈteɪʃən/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/
中文母语者容易读错的音：
- /v/ — 不要读成 /w/，上齿轻触下唇: observe /əbˈzɜːv/, relative /ˈɹɛl.ə.tɪv/, arrive /əˈɹaɪv/, survival /sɚˈvaɪ.vəl/, divorce /dɪˈvɔːs/
- 词尾辅音 — 要读清楚，后面不要加元音: absence /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/, succeed /səkˈsiːd/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, observe /əbˈzɜːv/, arise /əˈɹaɪz/
- /r/ 和 /l/ 的区别: cereal /ˈsɪə.ɹɪ.əl/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, relative /ˈɹɛl.ə.tɪv/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/, grateful /ˈɡɹeɪtf(ə)l/
如何用这段视频练习
- 先完整听一遍视频，不要开口，记下不认识的单词。
- 先用 0.75 倍速逐句跟读，熟练之后再回到正常速度。
- 录下自己的声音并与原声对比，特别注意 emotion, anger, justify 这类单词。
什么是跟读法？
跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。