Shadowing Practice: Understanding EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT: the key to resilience - Learn English Speaking with Video
בחר מצב תרגול
כל מצב פותח חדר תרגול במסך מלא.
130 משפטים
אם המשפטים קצרים או ארוכים מדי, לחץ על ערוך כדי להתאים אותם.
1
I'm Dr. Orion Taraband, and this is Psych Hacks, Better Living Through Psychology.
2
The topic of today's short talk is understanding emotional detachment.
3
So I thought this episode might be necessary after conducting a
4
recent consultation with a well -spoken young man who watched my episode, How to Love Without Emotional Attachment,
5
and who came away with what I considered to be some misconceptions about my message.
6
However, I reasoned that if this intelligent guy had these misconceptions, then probably other people did as well, and that maybe my message wasn't entirely clear.
7
So I thought I would make a follow -up episode to critically examine emotional detachment, what it is and what it isn't.
8
Emotional detachment is an incredibly useful skill.
9
In fact, it might be the most important emotional survival strategy of which I am aware.
10
And I approach the concept of emotional detachment through a Buddhist lens,
11
namely through the realization that the universe is in a never -ending process of becoming.
12
Everything in this world is ephemeral.
13
Even now, the present moment is changing, is dying, is transforming into something else,
14
which will itself change, die, and transform.
15
Within this understanding, everything that we have will eventually be taken from us.
16
So why cling?
17
Permanence is an illusion in the world under the sun.
18
Your property, your relationships, your incarnate being, you'll lose them all in the fullness of time.
19
So how will you respond when it comes time to let them go?
20
Will you give back what you had with gratitude for the time that you were allowed to spend with it?
21
Or will you cling to it with an attachment that is as tenacious as it is futile?
22
Futile because no amount of tenacity will succeed in holding something a moment longer than you possibly can.
23
On the other hand, emotional detachment is a skill that facilitates surrender.
24
And surrender is something that we will eventually have to do with respect to everything that we have been given, including our own lives.
25
It's a way of holding things gently.
26
And this is important because, as I discussed in my episode, Hold People Like Sand, the tighter you squeeze,
27
the more what you're holding tends to slip through your fingers.
28
Now, I need to be clear about something.
29
Emotional detachment does not mean that you have no emotions.
30
A complete absence of emotion, in my opinion, is not something we should be striving for.
31
Unfortunately, many men do succeed in functionally divorcing themselves from their emotional experience.
32
However, I believe that such men do so at great cost to themselves.
33
This is because it generally requires some degree of self -violence in order to amputate a component of your lived experience.
34
Of course, most men cannot do this completely, so they arrive at a place where the only emotion that they can consistently recognize is anger.
35
Long periods of a kind of numb neutrality are punctuated periodically with intense episodes of anger and frustration.
36
And that is no way to live life, my friends.
37
For me personally, emotions make my life richer, more interesting, more enjoyable, more complex.
38
I like having emotions, but I am also very emotionally detached.
39
Emotional detachment does not mean that you sort of dissociate from your emotional experience
40
or that you alienate yourself from your feeling sensitivity.
41
We do not want to become unfeeling rocks.
42
This is an extreme solution.
43
That said, we also do not want the other extreme solution, which we might call emotional fusion.
44
When a man is fused with his emotions, there is no space between his felt experience and his seat of being.
45
In emotional fusion, the man is his emotional experience.
46
If he feels something, he not only assumes that the emotion is justified, but that he must act on the emotion in some way.
47
This person has to say his piece, or wears his heart on his sleeve, or generally rides the hedonic roller coaster.
48
He's overjoyed when things are going well, and heartbroken and despondent when things don't go his way.
49
Such men have no emotional detachment and little self -control.
50
And this is a terrible way of moving through the world for many reasons.
51
In the first place, your emotions are not always justified in as much as the model of reality from
52
which your emotions arise may not be entirely aligned with that reality.
53
And acting on the basis of a flawed model is very likely to create pain and suffering.
54
And in the second place, emotions change even when they are justified.
55
Emotions are like the weather.
56
they're constantly shifting.
57
Acting from a place of emotion often leaves you with consequences
58
that far outlast the emotion that originally produced the impulse to act.
59
And that's a very dangerous asymmetry.
60
You can make a decision in anger or fear or hopelessness once that will permanently change the rest of your life.
61
It's not fair, but that's the way it is.
62
Now, before I go any further, if you're liking what you're hearing, please consider sending this episode to someone who might benefit from its message
63
because it's word of mouth referrals like this that really help to make the channel grow.
64
You can also hit the thanks button and tip me in proportion to the value you feel you've derived from this message.
65
It's your support that makes all of this possible.
66
I don't do corporate sponsorships or product placements, so I really do rely on you guys to help me make all this happen.
67
And I really do appreciate your support.
68
Thank you.
69
Now, what should we do instead?
70
It's a better idea to find some middle path between these two dangerous extremes.
71
And that middle path is emotional detachment.
72
To begin with, it helps to not treat your emotions like they're precious.
73
I discussed this in greater detail in my episode, Emotions Are Impersonal.
74
People think emotions are personal because only they get to feel them.
75
However, behind every emotion is a thought, and the thoughts that consistently create those emotions are impersonal.
76
If I were to think the same thoughts and believe them to be true, then the same emotion would arise in me as well.
77
So we don't have to consider emotions to be these inherently valuable jewels
78
that are more meaningful or significant than other aspects of our experience.
79
In my opinion, it's better to hold our emotions gently and to consider them in light of multiple sources of information,
80
our reason, our senses, to decrease the likelihood that we're being misled.
81
In this way, we can consider emotions to be a source of information among many other sources of information.
82
And we can do this more easily by kind of observing our emotions at some remove,
83
like you can remain still and unmoving in the seat of your being while simultaneously watching your emotions circulate through your body.
84
That's what I mean by emotional detachment.
85
It's like experiencing your emotions at arm's length.
86
And this allows you to consider the information or even wisdom contained within them without allowing them to permeate your entire consciousness.
87
If emotional fusion is like drowning and emotional amputation is like staying as far away from water as possible,
88
then emotional detachment is like swimming.
89
You're in the water, but you're not of the water.
90
And this is useful because our emotions are actually really important sources of information for us.
91
We typically need our emotions in order to make good decisions.
92
Here's something you might find interesting.
93
It's sometimes the case, usually as a consequence of some tumor or growth, that a person's limbic system,
94
the portion of the brain responsible for emotional processing in mammals, must be surgically removed.
95
As might be expected, these people don't experience emotions after these procedures,
96
but perhaps more unexpected, they also develop a terrible time making decisions.
97
Like if you were to put one of these people in the cereal aisle of a grocery store,
98
they would spend hours debating what box of cereal to buy.
99
They'll think, okay, this box is $4 .25 and has a net weight of 22 grams.
100
Now, this one's a bit less expensive, but its net weight is proportionally lower, so the cost per gram is actually two cents higher.
101
That said, it also has more niacin per serving,
102
so the two cent per gram savings in the one case might be more than offset by the relative deficiency in niacin,
103
and so on, and so on, and so on.
104
Do you see what I'm getting at?
105
In the absence of emotion, there is only factual information.
106
And the human mind is actually not great at keeping a
107
lot of factual information in its working memory at any one time.
108
This creates information overload, which in turn leads to analysis paralysis.
109
On the other hand, a normal person just walks down the cereal aisle and says,
110
ooh, lucky charms, and throws it in his cart and keeps on moving.
111
People have to make like 10 ,000 decisions a day.
112
And most of these decisions don't really matter.
113
This is where emotions come in.
114
One of the primary functions of emotions is to serve as heuristics in decision making,
115
allowing us to navigate the world by expending fewer cognitive resources.
116
People who don't have access to their emotions struggle to make decisions.
117
And that's because decision is an act of the will and has more to do with emotion than thought.
118
So that's emotional detachment, the ability to observe your emotional experience at some remove.
119
This will allow you to access the information contained within your emotions without necessarily acting upon them.
120
You can feel the emotional impulse to act without relenting to it.
121
This requires some measure of self -discipline, but like any other virtue, you strengthen it by practicing it.
122
By not clinging to your own emotional experience, you will increasingly learn to allow things to come and go,
123
which in turn will help you to be more present, more grateful, and ultimately more loving in your relationships.
124
Hopefully that clears a few things up.
125
What do you think?
126
Does this fit with your own experience?
127
Let me know in the comments below.
128
And if you've gotten this far, you might as well like this episode and subscribe to this channel.
129
You may also consider becoming a channel member with perks like the priority review of comments or booking a paid consultation.
130
As always, thank you for listening.
הורד אפליקציה
כל מה שאתה צריך כדי לדבר בשטף
הגיית AIציון לכל משפט
תרגול IPAשלוט בכל צליל
אוצר מיליםבנה את מאגר המילים שלך
משחק אוצר מיליםלמד תוך כדי משחק
אותו ערוץ
FOR YOU
המלץ על סרטון
C14
241 משפטים
How to Detach So Fast It Feels Kinda Scary
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C174 משפטים
Coping skills and Psychological Defenses - An Introduction
American AccentDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C13
214 משפטים
Fawning: The Survival Strategy That Turns Into Self-Abandonment | Fawning #2
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
41 משפטים
Only an Emotion | Teachings by Thich Nhat Hanh
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C14
198 משפטים
Command Your Life: The Neuroscience of Self-Worth & Power
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
86 משפטים
Why Do We Stay in Relationships That Hurt Us?
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C14
53 משפטים
Gabor Maté – Authenticity vs. Attachment
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
300 משפטים
You’re Not Responsible for Their Emotions
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C12
227 משפטים
Stop Rehearsing The Life You Don’t Want | Dr Joe Dispenza Motivation
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
36 משפטים
How To Get Over Rejection
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C13
162 משפטים
How to Build Mental Toughness | English Podcast for Learning, Shadowing & Life Growth
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה מבוסס על הסרטון “Understanding EMOTIONAL DETACHMENT: the key to resilience”. המילים שחוזרות הכי הרבה: emotion, emotional, detachment, experience, episode. בסרטון הזה יש 130 משפטים ו-1749 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 11:07. הדובר מדבר בקצב טבעי של כ-157 מילים בדקה, קרוב לשיחה יומיומית. 83% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
15 מילים מהסרטון שכדאי ללמוד, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| emotion שם עצם | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | רֶגֶשׁ |
| anger שם עצם | /ˈæŋɡə/ | כַּעַס |
| gram שם עצם | /ˈɡɹæm/ | גְרַם |
| cereal שם עצם | /ˈsɪə.ɹɪ.əl/ | דָּגָן |
| skill שם עצם | /skɪl/ | מְיֻמָּנוּת, כִּשּׁוּרִים |
| absence שם עצם | /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/ | הֵעָדֵר |
| surrender פועל | /səˈɹɛndə(ɹ)/ | נכנע |
| consequence שם עצם | /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/ | תּוֹצָאָה, הַשְׁלָכָה |
| transform פועל | /tɹænsˈfɔɹm/ | לשנות |
| topic שם עצם | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | נוֹשֵׂא |
| necessarily תואר הפועל | /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/ | בהכרח |
| relative שם עצם | /ˈɹɛl.ə.tɪv/ | קָרוֹב, קְרוֹבָה |
| suffer פועל | /ˈsʌfɚ/ | סבל |
| procedure שם עצם | /pɹəˈsiː.d͡ʒə/ | נוהל, נֹהַל |
| arrive פועל | /əˈɹaɪv/ | הִגִּיעַ |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- It's your support that makes all of this possible.
- That's what I mean by emotional detachment.
- It's like experiencing your emotions at arm's length.
- Do you see what I'm getting at?
- Does this fit with your own experience?
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | be taken · were allowed · have been given |
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | have been given · you've derived · you've gotten |
| משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר | man who watched · someone who might · People who don |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-22 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו don't, you're, I'm. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, fusion /ˈfjuː.ʒən/, consultation /ˌkɑnsəlˈteɪʃən/, consciousness /ˈkɑnʃəsnəs/, proportion /pɹəˈpɔɹʃən/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: consistently /kənˈsɪstəntli/, consultation /ˌkɑnsəlˈteɪʃən/, necessarily /ˌnɛs.əˈsɛɹ.ə.li/, priority /pɹaɪˈɒɹɪti/, incredibly /ɪŋˈkɹɛdɪbli/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/, wisdom /ˈwɪzdəm/, swim /swɪm/, squeeze /skwiːz/
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: anger /ˈæŋɡə/, gram /ˈɡɹæm/, absence /ˈæb.s(ə)n̩s/, transform /tɹænsˈfɔɹm/, attachment /əˈtæt͡ʃmənt/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: gram /ˈɡɹæm/, cereal /ˈsɪə.ɹɪ.əl/, surrender /səˈɹɛndə(ɹ)/, transform /tɹænsˈfɔɹm/, arise /əˈɹaɪz/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו emotion, anger, gram.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.