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Tanya Cushman Reviewer When I was in my 20s,

I saw my very first psychotherapy client.

I was a PhD student in clinical psychology at Berkeley.

She was a 26 -year -old woman named Alex.

Now, Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans

and a big slouchy top and she dropped onto the couch in my office

and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems.

Now, when I heard this, I was so relieved.

My classmate got an arsonist for her first client and I got a 20 -something who wanted to talk about boys.

This I thought I could handle, but I didn't handle it.

With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session,

it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road.

30's the new 20, Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right.

Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later twenty -somethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.

But before long my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life.

I pushed back.

I said sure she's dating down, she's sleeping with a knucklehead, but it's not like she's gonna marry the guy.

And then my supervisor said, not yet, but she might marry the next one.

Besides, the best time to work on Alex's marriage is before she has one.

That's what psychologists call an aha moment.

That was the moment I realized 30 is not the new 20.

Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didn't make Alex's 20s a developmental downtime.

That made Alex's 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it.

That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem and it had real consequences,

not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of 20 -somethings everywhere.

There are 50 million 20 -somethings in the United States right now.

We're talking about 15 % of the population,

or 100 % if you consider that no one's getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.

Raise your hand if you're in your 20s.

I really want to see some 20 -somethings here.

Okay, y 'all, it's awesome.

If you work with 20 -somethings, you love a 20 -something, you're losing sleep over 20 -somethings, I want to see, okay,

awesome, 20 -somethings really matter.

So, I specialize in 20 -somethings because I believe

that every single one of those 50 million 20 -somethings deserves to know what psychologists,

sociologists, neurologists, and fertility specialists already know.

That claiming your 20s is one of the simplest yet most transformative things you can do for work, for love, for your happiness,

maybe even for the world.

This is not my opinion.

These are the facts.

We know that 80 % of life's most defining moments take place by age 35.

That means that 8 out of 10 of the decisions

and experiences and aha moments that make your life what it is will have happened by your mid -30s.

People who are over 40, don't panic.

This crowd is going to be fine, I think.

We know that the first 10 years of a career has an exponential impact on how much money you're going to earn.

We know that more than half of Americans are married or are living with or dating their future partner by 30.

We know that the brain caps off its second and last growth spurt in your 20s as it rewires itself for adulthood,

which means that whatever it is you want to change about yourself, now is the time to change it.

We know that personality change is more during your 20s than at any other time in life.

And we know that female fertility peaks at age 28, and things get tricky after age 35.

So your 20s are the time to educate yourself about your body and your options.

So when we think about child development, we all know that the first five years are a critical period for language and attachment in the brain.

It's a time when your ordinary day -to -day life has an inordinate impact on who you will become.

But what we hear less about is that there's such a thing as adult development, and our 20s are that critical period of adult development.

But this isn't what 20 -somethings are hearing.

Newspapers talk about the changing timetable of adulthood.

Researchers call the 20s an extended adolescence.

Journalists coined silly nicknames for 20 -somethings like Twixsters and Codults.

It's true.

As a culture, we have trivialized what is actually the defining decade of adulthood.

Leonard Bernstein said that to achieve great things, you need a plan and not quite enough time.

Isn't that true?

So what do you think happens when you pat a 20 -something on the head

and you say you have 10 extra years to start your life?

Nothing happens you have robbed that person of his urgency

and ambition and absolutely nothing happens

and then every day smart interesting 20 -somethings like you

or like your sons and daughters come into my office and say things like this I

know my boyfriend's no good for me

but this relationship doesn't count I'm just killing time

or they say everybody says as long as I get started on a career by the time I'm 30, I'll be fine.

But then it starts to sound like this.

My 20s are almost over and I have nothing to show for myself.

I had a better resume the day after I graduated from college.

And then it starts to sound like this.

Dating in my 20s was like musical chairs.

Everybody was running around and having fun.

But then sometime around 30, it was like the music turned off and everybody started sitting down.

I didn't want to be the only one left standing up,

so sometimes I think I married my husband because he was the closest chair to me at 30.

Where are the 20 -somethings here?

Do not do that.

Okay, now that sounds a little flip, but make no mistake, the stakes are very high.

When a lot has been pushed to your 30s, there is enormous 30 -something pressure to jumpstart a career, pick a city, partner up,

and have two or three kids in a much shorter period of time.

Many of these things are incompatible, and as research is just starting to show,

simply harder and more stressful to do all at once in our 30s.

The post -millennial midlife crisis isn't buying a red sports car.

It's realizing you can't have that career you now want.

It's realizing you can't have that child you now want

or you can't give your child a sibling too many 30 -somethings

and 40 -somethings look at themselves and at me sitting across the room

and say about their 20s what was I doing what was I thinking

I want to change what 20 -somethings are doing

and thinking here's a story about how that can go it's a story about a woman named Emma.

At 25 Emma came to my office because she was, in her words, having an identity crisis.

She said she thought she might like to work in art

or entertainment but she hadn't decided yet so she'd spent the last few years waiting tables instead.

100

Because it was cheaper she lived with a boyfriend who displayed his temper more than his ambition.

101

And as As hard as her 20s were, her early life had been even harder.

102

She often cried in our sessions, but then would collect herself by saying, you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.

103

Well, one day, Emma comes in and she hangs her head in her lap, and she's sobbed for most of the hour.

104

She'd just bought a new address book, and she'd spent the morning filling in her many contacts.

105

But then she'd been left staring at that empty blank that comes after the words, in case of emergency, please call.

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She was nearly hysterical when she looked at me and said, who's going to be there for me if I get in a car wreck?

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Who's going to take care of me if I have cancer?

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Now, in that moment, it took everything I had not to say, I will.

109

But what Emma needed wasn't some therapist who really, really cared.

110

Emma needed a better life, and I knew this was her chance.

111

I had learned too much since I first worked with Alex to just sit there while Emma's defining decade went parading by.

112

So over the next weeks and months, I told Emma three things that every 20 -something, male or female, deserves to hear.

113

First, I told

114

Emma to forget about having an identity crisis and get some identity capital.

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By get identity capital, I mean do something that adds value to who you are.

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Do something that's an investment in who you might want to be next.

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I didn't know the future of Emma's career and no one knows the future of work, but I do know this.

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Identity capital begets identity capital.

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So now is the time for that cross -country job, that internship, that startup you want to try.

120

I'm not discounting 20 -something exploration here, but I am discounting exploration that's not supposed to count.

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Which, by the way, is not exploration.

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That's procrastination.

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I told Emma to explore work and make it count.

124

second I told

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Emma that the urban tribe is overrated best friends are great for giving rides to the airport

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but 20 -somethings who huddled together with like -minded peers limit

127

who they know what they know how they think how they speak

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and where they work that new piece of capital

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that new person to date almost always comes from outside the

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inner circle new things come from what are called our weak ties, our friends of friends of friends.

131

So yes, half of 20 -somethings are un - or underemployed, but half aren't, and weak ties are how you get yourself into that group.

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Half of new jobs are never posted, so reaching out to your neighbor's boss is how you get that unposted job.

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It's not cheating, it's the science of how information spreads.

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Last but not least, Emma believed that you can't pick your family, but you can pick your friends.

135

Now this was true for her growing up, but as a 20 -something,

136

soon Emma would pick her family when she partnered with someone and created a family of her own.

137

I told Emma the time to start picking your family is now.

138

Now you may be thinking that 30 is actually a better time to settle down than 20 or even 25, And I agree with you,

139

but grabbing whoever you're living with or sleeping with when everyone on Facebook starts walking down the aisle is not progress.

140

The best time to work on your marriage is before you have one, and that means being as intentional with love as you are with work.

141

Picking your family is about consciously choosing who

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and what you want rather than just making at work or killing time with whoever happens to be choosing you.

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So what happened to Emma?

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Well, we went through that address book

145

and she found an old roommate's cousin who worked at an art museum in another state.

146

That week, Ty helped her get a job there.

147

That job offer gave her the reason to leave that live -in boyfriend.

148

Now five years later, she's a special events planner for museums she's married to a man

149

she mindfully chose she loves her new career she loves her new family

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and she sent me a card that said now the emergency contact blanks don't seem big enough now

151

Emma's story made that sound easy

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but that's what I love about working with 20 -somethings they are so easy to help

153

20 -somethings are like airplanes just leaving LAX bound for somewhere west

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Right after takeoff, a slight change in course is the difference between landing in Alaska or Fiji.

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Likewise, at 21 or 25 or even 29, one good conversation, one good break,

156

one good TED Talk can have an enormous effect across years and even generations to come.

157

So here's an idea worth spreading to every 20 -something you know.

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It's as simple as what I learned to say to Alex.

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It's what I now have the privilege of saying to 20 -somethings like

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Emma every single day.

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30 is not the new 20, so claim your adulthood, get some identity capital, use your weak ties, pick your family.

162

Don't be defined by what you didn't know or didn't do.

163

You're deciding your life right now.

164

Thank you.

165

Thank you.

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המלץ על סרטון

157 משפטים

אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה

שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה C1 מבוסס על הסרטון “TED TALK~ 不要等到三十歲才來後悔二十歲没有好好過活，人生是現在就已經開始【中英字幕】”. בסרטון הזה יש 165 משפטים ו-2123 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 14:44. הדובר שומר על קצב יציב של כ-144 מילים בדקה, קצב נוח לתרגול Shadowing. 83% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.

אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה

15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:

מילה	הגייה	משמעות
adulthood שם עצם		בַּגְרוּת
fertility שם עצם	/fɝˈtɪləti/	פּוֹרִיּוּת
psychologist שם עצם	/ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/	פְּסִיכוֹלוֹג, פסיכולוגית
adolescence שם עצם	/ˌædəˈlɛsəns/	גיל ההתבגרות
classmate שם עצם	/ˈklæs.meɪt/	חָבֵר לַכִּתָּה
exponential שם תואר	/ˌɛk.spəˈnɛn.t͡ʃəl/	מעריכי, אקספוננציאלי
procrastination שם עצם	/pɹəʊˌkɹæs.tɪˈneɪ.ʃən/	דחיינות
psychotherapy שם עצם	/ˌsaɪkoʊˈθɛɹəpi/	טיפול נפשי
timetable שם עצם	/ˈtaɪmˌteɪbəl/	לוּחַ זְמַנִּים
sibling שם עצם	/ˈsɪb.lɪŋ/	אַחַאי
internship שם עצם	/ˈɪntɜːnʃɪp/	התמחות
intentional שם תואר	/ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/	בְּכַוָּנָה, מכוון
temper שם עצם	/ˈtɛmpɚ/	מֶזֶג
startup שם עצם	/ˈstɑɹtˌʌp/	סטארטאפ, חברת סטארטאפ
stare פועל	/stɛɚ/	בָּהָה

Phrasal verbs שתשמעו

מילה	משמעות
grow up פועל	גָּדַל
sit down פועל	התיישב \ הִתְיַשֵּׁב
stand up פועל	קָם
turn off פועל	כיבה, כִּבָּה

דקדוק בסרטון הזה

המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:

מבנה	בסרטון
סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה	has been pushed · been left · is overrated
הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו	have trivialized · have robbed · has been pushed

הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה

הדובר משתמש ב-36 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו didn't, can't, you're. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.

הצלילים של “th”: psychotherapy /ˌsaɪkoʊˈθɛɹəpi/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: ambition /æmˈbɪʃ.ən/, procrastination /pɹəʊˌkɹæs.tɪˈneɪ.ʃən/, specialize /ˈspɛʃəˌlaɪz/, internship /ˈɪntɜːnʃɪp/, intentional /ɪnˈtɛnʃənəl/
מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: fertility /fɝˈtɪləti/, developmental /dɪˌvɛləpˈmɛntəl/, psychologist /ˌsaɪˈkɑl.ə.d͡ʒɪst/, supervisor /ˈsupɚˌvaɪzɚ/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/

צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:

/w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: rewire /ɹiːˈwaɪə(ɹ)/, likewise /ˈlaɪkˌwaɪz/, consequence /ˈkɑn.sɪ.kwəns/
/æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: ambition /æmˈbɪʃ.ən/, adolescence /ˌædəˈlɛsəns/, classmate /ˈklæs.meɪt/, incompatible /ˌɪŋkəmˈpætɪbəl/, procrastination /pɹəʊˌkɹæs.tɪˈneɪ.ʃən/
/r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: arsonist /ˈɑɹsənəst/, hysterical /hɪˈstɛɹɪkəl/, inordinate /ɪnˈɔɹd(ə)nət/, procrastination /pɹəʊˌkɹæs.tɪˈneɪ.ʃən/, psychotherapy /ˌsaɪkoʊˈθɛɹəpi/

איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה

הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט במהירות רגילה, וחזרו על כל משפט עד שהקצב שלכם תואם את הדובר.
הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו adulthood, fertility, psychologist.

מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?

שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.

טכניקת Shadowing: קרא את המדריך המלא שלב אחר שלב →

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