Практика Shadowing: Never React, Never Explain, Just Ignore - Изучайте разговорный английский по видео
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You can read all of the books, listen to all of the podcast episodes,
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and still find yourself being triggered by the same things and the same people over and over again.
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And it's not because you're not trying hard enough or because you're down or because there's something wrong with you.
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It's because you're trying to control your reactions instead of actually understanding your reactions.
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Because your reactions don't come from the present moment.
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They come from the past that hasn't fully been processed or healed yet.
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And until you really understand that, you'll keep repeating the same emotional patterns in your life, but in different situations.
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And so today, we're going to go deeper into what it actually means to become somebody who actually doesn't react to anything.
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So let's dive into it.
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To start off, I want to talk about something that I think a lot of people really misunderstand.
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Being triggered by somebody or something is not the problem think about
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that for a second being triggered is not the problem being triggered is the signal
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that you need to pay attention to it's not something to
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be ashamed of it's something to be curious about to look at
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and start to question when you are triggered because
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if you just start to guilt yourself
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and shame yourself for being triggered you learn nothing but
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if you start to get curious around why you're getting triggered
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now you really start to understand who you are in what's going on behind the scenes.
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Because every time you get triggered, you're being shown a part of yourself that is still sensitive, that is still reactive, that is still holding on to something,
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that is still not healed from the past.
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And most people's instinct whenever they're triggered is to look outward and ask themselves questions.
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Why would they say that to me?
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Why would they do that to me?
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What did I do to them to make them react that way?
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And they're looking outward.
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But what you need to do is look inward whenever you're triggered.
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The deeper question here is, why did that affect me so deeply in the way that it did?
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Why did that affect me so deeply in the way that it did?
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And I am now taking responsibility for being triggered.
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The way I like to look at being triggered is this.
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It's kind of like salt on a wound, right?
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If the wound is healed, the salt doesn't do anything.
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It doesn't hurt.
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But if the wound has not healed, it hurts like hell.
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That's the best analogy that I can think of.
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So whenever you're triggered, the triggering is like the salt.
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If you get triggered on just normal skin that's healed over, no big deal.
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But if you put salt on top of a wound, it's going to hurt like hell.
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That is the universal way of life coming to you and saying, hey, you haven't healed here yet.
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You need to start working on yourself in this particular area.
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So it's not about them.
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It's not about what happened.
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And it's not about the circumstances.
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It's about why did it affect me in that way and how do I need to heal myself?
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See, because most people don't really look at it through this way.
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They don't really understand something that's really important is that when you're looking at something that's happened to you, every moment of your life,
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your mind is giving meaning to everything that's happening around you.
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Your brain is a meaning -making machine.
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It's doing it all day long.
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It's giving meaning to this and that and this person and what they said and what they're going to do.
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And that meaning is what creates your emotional response.
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The meaning that you're giving a situation or a circumstance is what creates your emotional response.
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And we will be right back.
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Hey, if you're still watching this video, you're the type of person who wants to learn and grow and improve yourself.
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Do me a favor, check below and see if you have subscribed to this channel.
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If you have not, do me a favor, hit that subscribe button so that you and I can go on this journey of self -improvement and making your life better.
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So if you had subscribed to me, I would appreciate it.
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And now, back to the show.
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And so when someone says something and you feel triggered, it's not their words that are actually triggering you.
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It's the meaning your mind is attaching to those words.
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And that meaning is shaped by your past, shaped by your experiences, your identity, who you think you are, your wounds.
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You know, like a simple example is this for instance, if somebody cuts you off on the road and there's no reaction,
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well then there's no reaction.
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But if somebody else gets cut off on the road and they blow up because of it, it's the same circumstance, but it's different meaning attached to being cut off.
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It's not because of the event, but because the person who is triggered is giving meaning to that event.
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And it's something like, oh, that person doesn't care about me, or they think that they're more important than I am or they aren't worried about my safety at all.
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So it's not the event, it's that your mind has attached some sort of meaning to
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that event and now you're reacting to the meaning not the actual situation.
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Whatever it is, there's a negative meaning that you're attaching to it in that situation.
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So we need to learn how to get to a point of not being reactive.
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And when I talk about like not reacting and not being reactive, I'm not talking about like becoming an emotionless statue.
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It doesn't mean that I feel nothing.
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That's not what I'm trying to say here.
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What I'm talking about is becoming aware of what's going on inside of me before I react to anything.
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It is extreme self -awareness.
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I'm talking about creating space within yourself.
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Because right now, for most people, something happens and the reaction is just instant and there's no space.
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There's no awareness that's in that space.
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It's just an automatic response that you've been dealing with for 25 years.
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But the psychologist Viktor Frankl says that growth happens in the tiny space between stimulus and response,
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between something happening and us actually responding.
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And in that tiny space, if we become aware of what's happening within ourselves,
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we can choose how we want to respond versus just responding in a pattern in a way
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that we have our entire life or something that we learned from our parents.
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So between something happening to you and you actually responding,
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there's a moment where you can decide how you want to respond without being swept away by old emotions
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or old stories or old meanings.
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And so when I'm saying try to work towards never reacting, I don't mean don't feel.
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I don't mean don't have emotions.
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I mean don't let the feelings control you.
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You can have feelings and not be controlled by feelings.
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Now that's, I understand, very foreign to a lot of people because for me, for a long time when I was I was just controlled by my emotions.
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I felt like I was just not in the driver's seat.
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But it's not about not feeling.
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It's about don't let your feelings control you.
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You are experiencing feeling.
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You can decide how you react.
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You can notice it.
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You can sit with it for a minute.
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Start to get curious about it.
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Understand it.
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Man, why do I feel this way?
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Like what's going on in my head?
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Why do I always get mad when this happens?
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What meaning am I giving this situation?
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What does this situation remind me of in my past that's not healed yet?
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And that is where your true growth will actually lie.
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When you actually start to get really curious about your emotions
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and your feelings and your reactions and why you are triggered the way
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that you're triggered and the meaning that you're attaching to situations.
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Because your emotions are not problems that you need to fix.
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They're signals that you need to listen to.
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They're pointing you in a direction.
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Stop ignoring where they're trying to point you.
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And so you have to start to think that this also has to deal with the way other people interact with you.
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So it's like, we need to understand about ourself, but it's also very important when we understand this about ourself, this is also happening inside of every other person around you.
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Like I always say, hey, when you see a male, like a 40 -year -old man who's just an asshole to everybody, right?
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What you're seeing, or he's having a breakdown or he's yelling at somebody, what you're seeing is a 40 -year -old body that happens to have a little child still in it.
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So it's a child that is still hurting and wounding in an adult's body.
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So, and the reason why you can understand this is because people don't see you as you are.
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Like, I really want you to understand this people don't see you as you are.
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They see you as they are through their beliefs, through their past, through their wounds, through their conditionings, through their patterns,
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through what they learned from their parents unconsciously.
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So no matter how clearly you explain yourself,
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people will still misunderstand you because people can only understand from the level of their perception
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and sometimes people just aren't going to be able to understand you
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and it's not because there's something wrong with you and it's not
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because you failed in explaining yourself but sometimes it's just
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because they're filtering you through their own lens of conditioning over their entire life
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so what i mean by that is like if you need to set boundaries with somebody
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your boundaries might feel like rejection to somebody who has abandonment wounds
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doesn't mean that your boundaries are bad it just means that they haven't healed that aspect of themself.
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If you are a confident person and somebody reacts to it, your confidence might feel like arrogance to someone who's extremely insecure.
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If you're an honest person and you don't like to beat around the bush, your honesty might feel like an attack to someone who avoids truth.
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It's the same you, but it's just a different lens.
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And this is where most people get stuck because most people, have other people react to them and they think, well, I need to change myself.
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And they're trying to change themselves or they're trying to fix the other person's perception.
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So they will try to explain themselves more to be accepted, or they will soften themselves more for the other person.
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They will shrink more for the other person.
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But understanding this is really important because you understand that it's not just about how you communicate and who you are.
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It's also about how somebody is able to receive you.
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And it's really important to understand this
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because as you start to work on yourself
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and you become more confident in yourself and you become more confident in who you're becoming, it might trigger other people.
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It doesn't mean there's something wrong with you.
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It can mean that there's something wrong with that person's perception based off of their past.
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They might not be able to perceive you at a different level.
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So some people can only meet you at the level that they're at themselves, right?
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So if they don't respond to you in the way that you want them to respond to you, they might be triggered by you in some sort of way.
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They might be protecting their own wounds and you don't realize it.
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If you're not careful, you will accidentally change yourself in order to meet other people's expectations of you.
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You'll start to carry labels that were never yours in the first place.
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Like, oh, you know what?
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Maybe I am too much.
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Or, you know, maybe I am selfish.
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Or maybe I am hard to love.
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That's really challenging, right?
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Or maybe someone just can't clearly understand you
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because they're just not able to understand you with the level that they're at in their life right now.
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And, you know, obviously I want to kind of walk this line very carefully
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because it doesn't mean that you ignore all feedback from other people.
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It means that you become clear so that you can learn the difference, right?
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Feedback from another person looks like, hey, this is how your behavior impacted me.
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Somebody projecting their own crap on top of you is like, hey, this is who I've decided who you are, right?
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There's a big difference between those two things.
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You cannot explain yourself into clarity with someone that's committed to misunderstanding you.
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And so at some point, your piece might look like, hey, I know who I am, even if that person doesn't know who I am, because their lens is not your identity.
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Don't ever take on what somebody else says about you because that means that they're filtering you through their lens.
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I'd rather make up my own identity of who I think I am
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and who I am versus looking to other people to tell me who I am
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when I know that their filter is already clouded, right?
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So the right people, the grounded people, the self -aware ones, they don't need you to change yourself.
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They don't need you to shrink so that they can understand you.
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They will see you clearly because they're already looking through clarity, not through clouded lenses.
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And that's the shift that you really need to understand is you won't fit everyone's lens and everyone's perception.
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And everybody's lens is not about the truth about you anyways.
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And so really what you start to become peaceful with is to accept yourself as you truly are.
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Once you go on this journey of self -discovery, you start healing these wounds and coming in contact with who you truly are and starting to work through your triggers,
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peace comes when you start to really figure out who you are
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and you accept it and you stop fighting against it and you stop trying to control everything around you.
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And you're just okay with who you are.
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You don't need to be accepted by other people.
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And when you're truly okay with yourself, you don't need everyone to accept you.
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That's the key.
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Like what really matters to everybody listening to this podcast, what really matters more than almost anything else is not about, do other people accept you?
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It's, do you accept you?
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Because if you accept you, it doesn't matter if other people accept you because you fully, 100 % already accept yourself.
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To accept yourself and to love yourself
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and to truly know yourself might be the highest form of enlightenment that we could all get to.
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And so the deepest truth of all of this, of being triggered, of going on this journey of self -discovery is understanding
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that healing is not when life stops triggering you because you'll always be triggered.
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We're probably not going to become a monk and get fully enlightened in this, you know, this life that we're in right now.
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But you, you realize that you may never get to the point where you're not triggered, but real healing is not, not being triggered.
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It's when your reaction to those triggers changes.
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Like the same situation that used to ruin your entire day, you now just passes through and you don't even notice it.
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The same comment that used to hit a nerve and make you feel like less than barely even lands anymore.
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Like that is the proof as real as it can be
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that you're healing and that you're growing and that you're becoming better and that you're developing a deeper relationship with yourself.
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that's what we all should be working towards.
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And that's how you really know that you've grown.
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Not because life got easier in any way, but because you became more grounded within yourself.
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And this is what I love about Stoicism.
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Like the Stoics really understood this deeply.
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Like they didn't try to control the world.
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They worked on themselves.
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They focused on what was within their control, their thoughts, their responses, their inner state.
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And I think that's one of the reasons why Stoic philosophy
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is making such a big comeback in the past five to 10 years is
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because there's so much truth to it and so many people resonate with it.
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To become more stoic in everything that we do requires us to keep working on ourselves.
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We can't control most of the circumstances in our life, but we can't control how we react to the circumstances in our life.
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And that's what we should be trying to master.
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That's pretty much the only thing that we can really control because the world is always gonna be unpredictable.
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People will always say things, situations will always happen, but your peace, that's something that you can build.
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That's something that you're in control of.
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That's something that you can get more of.
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And when you get to a place of peace, your calm doesn't have to be something that you're forcing.
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It's just something that you are, something that other people feel by being around you.
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And so I want you to remember this.
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The goal is not to stop reacting completely.
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The goal is to heal the part of you that feels like you need to react.
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Hey, thanks
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so much for watching this video based off of what you've
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been watching on youtube recently youtube thinks out of all of
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the videos i've ever created this one is the one that's going to impact you the most
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so click this one and if you want to make sure to never miss another episode
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and another video So click this button right here and I'll see you on the next one.
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Лексика и советы по произношению к этому уроку
В этом видео 228 предложений и 3047 слов для шедоуинга. Речь длится 16:24. Говорящий говорит быстро, около 186 слов в минуту, поэтому звуки часто сливаются и сокращаются. 89% слов входят в 3000 самых частых слов английского языка, поэтому лексика простая.
Ключевая лексика этого видео
15 слов из видео, которые стоит выучить, с произношением и значением:
| Слово | Произношение | Значение |
|---|---|---|
| trigger существительное | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | спусково́й крючо́к, куро́к |
| heal глагол | /ˈhiːl/ | лечи́ть, вы́лечить |
| react глагол | /ɹiːˈækt/ | реаги́ровать, отреаги́ровать |
| lens существительное | /lɛnz/ | ли́нза, объекти́в |
| wound существительное | /ˈwund/ | ра́на, ране́ние |
| emotion существительное | /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/ | эмо́ция, чу́вство |
| attach глагол | /əˈtæt͡ʃ/ | прикрепля́ть, прикрепи́ть |
| circumstance существительное | /ˈsɝ.kəmˌstæns/ | обстоя́тельство, усло́вие |
| curious прилагательное | /ˈkjʊɹ.i.əs/ | любопы́тный, любозна́тельный |
| perception существительное | /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/ | восприя́тие, перце́пция |
| deeply наречие | /ˈdi(ː)pli/ | глубоко́ |
| filter существительное | /ˈfɪltɚ/ | фильтр |
| boundary существительное | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | грани́ца, межа́ |
| subscribe глагол | /səbˈskɹaɪb/ | подпи́сывать, подписа́ть |
| reactive прилагательное | /ɹiːˈæktɪv/ | реактивный |
Фразовые глаголы, которые вы услышите
| Слово | Произношение | Значение |
|---|---|---|
| blow up глагол | взрыва́ть, взорва́ть | |
| cut off глагол | /ˌkʌt ˈɔf/ [ˌkɐɾ ˈɔf] | отреза́ть, отре́зать |
| figure out глагол | разбира́ться, разобра́ться | |
| make up глагол | /ˌmeɪk ˈʌp/ | составля́ть, соста́вить |
Произношение, на которое стоит обратить внимание
Говорящий использует 104 сокращённых и редуцированных форм, например you're, don't, they're. Произносите их коротко, так, как слышите.
- Звуки «sh» и «zh»: emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, ashamed /əˈʃeɪmd/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/
- Длинные слова — следите за ударением: universal /ˌjunəˈvɜɹs(ə)l/, automatic /ˌɔː.təˈmæt.ɪk/, accidentally /ˌæk.sɪˈdɛnt(ə)li/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/
Как заниматься с этим видео
- Прослушайте всё видео один раз молча и выпишите незнакомые слова.
- Начните со скорости 0,75×, повторяйте предложение за предложением и вернитесь к обычной скорости, когда станет легко.
- Запишите себя и сравните с оригиналом, обращая внимание на такие слова, как trigger, heal, react.
Грамматика в этом видео
Конструкции, которые говорящий использует чаще всего, с точными словами из видео:
| Конструкция | В видео |
|---|---|
| Условные предложения if + предложение, will/would + глагол — условие и его результат | If you're not careful, you will accidentally |
| «Used to» used to + глагол — прошлая привычка или состояние, которых больше нет | used to ruin · used to hit |
| Пассивный залог be + причастие прошедшего времени — важно, что происходит, а не кто это делает | being triggered · been processed · are triggered |
| Present Perfect have/has + причастие прошедшего времени — прошлое действие, важное сейчас | has not healed · haven't healed · have subscribed |
Что такое техника Shadowing?
Shadowing — это научно обоснованная техника изучения языка, изначально разработанная для подготовки профессиональных переводчиков и популяризированная полиглотом доктором Александром Аргуэльесом. Метод прост, но эффективен: вы слушаете аудио на английском от носителей языка и немедленно повторяете вслух — как тень, следующая за говорящим с задержкой в 1–2 секунды. В отличие от пассивного прослушивания или грамматических упражнений, Shadowing заставляет мозг и мышцы рта одновременно обрабатывать и воспроизводить реальные речевые паттерны. Исследования показывают, что это значительно улучшает точность произношения, интонацию, ритм, связную речь, понимание на слух и беглость речи — что делает его одним из самых эффективных методов для подготовки к IELTS Speaking и реального общения на английском.