跟读练习: Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women - 通过视频学习英语口语

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One time when my four kids were little, I was at my parents' house for Christmas,

and my mom had us do an activity where we wrote down a gift

that we would like to give to Jesus in the form of an act of service for someone else

or a sacrifice that we would make in his name.

This is a very common activity for Christian families, and it's supposed to be a tender, peaceful experience.

So I was surprised that I found myself inexplicably filled with rage.

I stared at the paper where I was supposed to be writing down my special self -sacrifice and I started bawling.

I had given and given and given and given and I had nothing left to give and I felt terrible about it.

Interestingly, I've heard from women in other religious traditions share similar feelings.

Let's talk about why.

Confucianism, Buddhism, and Christianity are three of the largest and most influential religious traditions in the world.

What did their founders teach?

Confucius was born in 6th century BCE China during a time of chaos.

Local warlords were constantly battling for power.

Confucius offered a path back to harmony.

Know your place, serve your community.

Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the Buddha, was born into wealth and privilege in India in the 6th or 5th century BCE.

He was devastated when he learned about the suffering in the world.

He taught that suffering comes from attachment to the ego.

His message was, you are not your title, your wealth, or your ego.

Let it go.

Jesus of Nazareth lived in a time where rigid religious rules had overtaken compassion.

His was a world of power plays, political violence, and deep division.

Christ's call was for more radical love.

Lose your life in order to find it.

Give everything away.

Turn the other cheek.

Love your enemies.

These were all powerful, transformative ideas.

But do these teachings benefit everyone equally?

Confucius, Buddha, and Christ all taught humility, sacrifice, and selflessness.

And those teachings were exactly what the founders and subsequent leaders of those religions needed.

But those founders and subsequent leaders were all men.

Their teachings were made by men and for men.

In Confucianism, women were expected to obey their fathers, then their husbands, then their sons.

Confucius never imagined a woman as a moral agent in her own right.

His vision of harmony depended on women's subordination.

The Buddha's path to enlightenment meant leaving his family, something spiritual men were praised for.

But what would happen if a mother left her children to pursue enlightenment?

That would rarely ever be possible, and if it were, she would be called selfish and unnatural.

And women were excluded from Buddhist monastic life for centuries.

Christianity teaches that

Eve sinned by seeking knowledge that women should submit to their husbands and that women should not be leaders.

For thousands of years, women all across the world have been conditioned to disappear,

to defer, to serve, and to be small.

So when women are handed the spiritual tools of further selflessness, sacrifice, and humility, those tools don't liberate us.

They erase us.

Author Elizabeth Gilbert recently gave a talk about this at the

Archangel Summit about the different spiritual needs of typical men and typical women.

She said that humanity's goal is to move from the profane to the divine.

But those who are socialized to be masculine

and those who are socialized to be feminine require different roads to get

there the profane masculine is putting the wants

and needs of the self above the good of the whole

it's conquering hoarding wealth being power hungry i am the king greedy selfish

and violent it's i'm going to take whatever i want to just

because i can i'm going to take over this country

or have sex with this woman or level this forest

because i want to the divine masculine is putting other people's needs above our own it's kindness forgiveness selflessness

and compassion it's i could hoard resources

but i choose to share i could have power

but i refuse it i look out for the whole instead of just myself the profane feminine over gives,

over serves, is overly selfless, is used and abused.

It's I exist to give and serve.

In the face of bad behavior, I will stay silent and I will continue to please.

I will not ruffle any feathers or make anyone upset.

I look out for the whole at the expense of myself.

Everyone else's needs are prioritized above my own.

It's accommodating others' desires even when resentment is silently oozing out of my eyeballs.

This was me at the Christmas party

and I'll bet it's a lot of women watching right now and maybe a lot of our mothers.

The divine feminine is the protector.

It's standing up in the face of injustice.

It's I will not allow oppression and abuse.

It's holy power, taking up space, speaking up, protecting against wrongdoing, ensuring equity not only for others,

but also for the self.

It's honoring and protecting our own desires rest, and goals.

So the divine feminine starts with putting itself in the center

and then it expands to a circle of protection for everything

that is good and holy and sacred and must not be violated by the profane masculine getting out of hand, right?

Not to allow it, not to enable it, not to be nicer, not to be sweeter, not to be understanding, not to be like,

well he never had a dad himself so he doesn't know.

None of that.

To just be like, oh no, oh no. No, no, no, no, no. That's gone too far.

In sum, in order for the masculine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must give up the self.

In order for the feminine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must build the self.

Unfortunately for women, nearly all major religious traditions were created for the needs of men, taught by men to men using the words of men.

Historically, since religions were speaking exclusively to men, only using masculine tools made sense.

But for the past few centuries, religions have considered themselves universal, covering the needs of both masculine and feminine.

But there's been no change in doctrines or practices to accommodate or speak to women.

Women have been exclusively given the tools of the divine masculine as if they were the only spiritual tools.

Women have evolved with empathy tools hardwired into our bodies.

Women tuning in to the cries of their newborn babies is an evolutionary necessity for the survival of our species.

It's built in.

So when tuning in to the needs of others is further and further and further pushed on us, we just dissolve.

We give ourselves so completely that we can disappear.

It's not the toolkit we need.

And it's why religious tools as they exist now don't work for women.

They were never meant for us.

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Many women are burnt out from a lifetime of service.

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And then they can go looking for new age spiritual teachings that tell them that what they need is ego death.

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But women have spent their whole lives losing their ego.

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They need to build their ego.

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Men are conditioned to grow their ego and they need tools to lose it.

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Britt Hartley from No Nonsense Spirituality has some really important insights on this.

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Let's hear from her.

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Women, stop going to male spiritual leaders and gurus to dissolve your ego.

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These men who have been able to build a strong sense of ego, that they are a person and they take that process for granted,

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now go into these spiritual spaces to help others experience ego dissolution

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or ego death in order to give other men the flexibility to not be so ego -driven, which actually really can be progress.

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But with most women who were raised in patriarchy, you've already had to kind of repress and negotiate your own needs in order to accommodate others.

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These tools are for people, mostly men, who have already developed and overdeveloped their own ego.

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So for most of the female clients that I work with who have been raised in patriarchy,

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the most spiritual thing that you can do is to build your ego, take up space, build your voice, do a project.

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You're in a place of ego overdevelopment and you are in a place of ego underdevelopment.

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And so the tools and the path of spirituality will look different.

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And Oceana Lane also has some really interesting thoughts on this subject.

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Let's hear what she has to say.

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I wish I had known this in my late teens,

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early 20s, which was when I started obsessively going to male gurus to help dissolve my ego and it felt natural.

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Do you know why?

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Because my ego was already very fragile because I'm a female and I grew up in a dysfunctional family.

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So having a male try to break me down just felt really familiar.

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It took me a long, long time to learn this lesson.

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Zen Buddhist meditation centers, boyfriends who acted like gurus and they all speak with such authority, it's hard not to believe.

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Long, grueling meditation retreats where I had to be silent and listen to a man talk while I dissolved into the ether, becoming nothing.

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My ego was the enemy, and these guys had it all figured out.

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And I was really good at it.

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Really, really good at just disappearing, becoming selfless.

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Almost like I just had like a natural knack for it, you know?

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These spiritual tools not only don't help women, they barricade her from spiritual progress.

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Religious tools outlaw the exact things the feminine needs in order to find balance, building and prioritizing the self.

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In order to even start moving towards balance, women must first hurdle over all of the spiritual tools that we've been given.

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And this concept applies to more than just religious teachings.

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The message of most marriage books is similarly to lose the self.

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According to Goodreads, the most popular marriage books are The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller,

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Love and Respect by Emerson Egerichs, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and The Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work by John Gottman.

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These books primarily teach the tools of compassion, forgiveness, empathy, compromise, and kindness.

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These are great tools.

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These are essential tools and I promote them wholeheartedly.

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But I will say that for me personally, those were tools that I already had and that I overused in my marriage.

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The skills that I needed to develop were to set boundaries and speak up for myself.

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My friend

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and co -writer Celeste Davis taught the Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work course for the Gottman Institute for several years.

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She said that with every passing class, she wished more and more that she could divide the class up

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and teach the wives separately from the husbands instead of teaching all the marriage tools as if they applied universally.

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When she taught that compromise and compassion were the foundations of a good marriage, she could see that those were exactly the tools

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that the husbands needed because they hadn't been taught those skills as they were growing up as boys.

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She saw how during role plays and in discussions, the men struggled to stop problem solving and start really listening,

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to compromise, to be compassionate when they were upset, to give up some autonomy for the good of the partnership.

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But the women didn't need those tools.

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They had been doing too much compromise, too little prioritizing their own needs, and they were drowning in resentment,

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they needed to be taught to start paying attention to that resentment, to ask themselves what they really wanted,

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not just what would keep the peace for everybody else.

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They needed permission to make room for their desires, even when it meant disappointing their spouse.

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They needed to be given the tools to be okay in the midst of upsetting someone.

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In religion and in relationships, women have already been sacrificing.

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We've already been surrendering.

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We've already been told our whole lives to think of others first and to put ourselves last.

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What women need is the opposite message.

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Your life matters.

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Your voice matters.

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Your body, your boundaries, your dreams, they matter.

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The spiritual work of women is not to dissolve the self it's to recover it to rebuild what has been taken

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thanks for watching please share this video with the women in your life share it with your mom, your sisters, your girlfriends and

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if you're like me share these ideas with the younger version of yourself who needed this framework

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but hadn't learned it yet and of course like and subscribe if you haven't already thank you so much

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We'll be right back.

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I'll see you next time.

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本课的词汇与口语要点

这节口语课以视频“Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women”为素材。视频中反复出现的词有：tools, ego, spiritual, marriage。这段视频共有 169 个句子、2175 个单词可供跟读。讲话部分时长为 14:55。说话人语速平稳，每分钟约 146 个词，很适合跟读。只有 81% 的单词属于英语最常用的 3,000 词，词汇难度较高。

视频中的重点词汇

视频中 15 个值得学习的单词，附发音和释义：

单词	发音	释义
spiritual 形容词	/ˈspɪɹɪt͡ʃuəl/	精神
masculine 形容词	/ˈmæskjələn/	男的, 男性的
divine 形容词	/dɪˈvaɪn/	神的
feminine 形容词	/ˈfɛmɪnɪn/	女性的
sacrifice 名词	/ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/	犧牲 /牺牲
compromise 名词	/ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/	妥協 /妥协, 和解
compassion 名词	/kəmˈpæʃ.ən/	同情, 愛心 /爱心
founder 名词	/ˈfaʊ̯n.dəː/	創辦人 /创办人, 創立者 /创立者
disappear 动词	/dɪsəˈpɪɹ/	消失
accommodate 动词	/əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/	容纳
guru 名词	/ˈɡʊɹ(ˌ)u/	古魯 /古鲁
resentment 名词	/ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/	憤慨 /愤慨, 不滿 /不满
silent 形容词	/ˈsaɪ̯lənt/	安靜 /安静, 恬靜 /恬静
suffer 动词	/ˈsʌfɚ/	受苦, 遭受
subsequent 形容词	/ˈsʌbsɪkwənt/	隨後的 /随后的

视频中出现的短语动词

单词	释义
give up 动词	投案, 自首
write down 动词	寫下來 /写下来, 寫下 /写下
figure out 动词	弄清楚
grow up 动词	長大 /长大
take over 动词	接管, 接手

值得反复跟读的句子

视频中简短而完整的句子，可以直接用在日常对话里：

It's I exist to give and serve.
Everyone else's needs are prioritized above my own.
It's I will not allow oppression and abuse.
It's not the toolkit we need.
Let's hear what she has to say.

视频中的语法

说话人最常用的结构，并附上视频中的原话：

结构	视频中的用法
现在完成进行时 have/has been + -ing — 以前开始、现在仍在继续的动作	have already been sacrificing · We've already been surrendering
现在完成时 have/has + 过去分词 — 过去发生但与现在仍有关联的事	I've heard · have been conditioned · have considered
被动语态 be + 过去分词 — 强调发生了什么，而不是谁做的	was born · were made · were expected
定语从句 who / which + 从句 — 补充说明人或事物	those who are · men who have · women who were

需要注意的发音

说话人用了 21 次缩略和弱读形式，例如 don't, I'm, we've。请按听到的简短形式来说。

“th” 音: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, feather /ˈfɛðə/, ether /ˈi.θɚ/
“sh” 和 “zh” 音: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, meditation /mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/
长单词——注意重音位置: accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, exclusively /ɪkˈskluːsɪvli/, enlightenment /ɪnˈlaɪtənmənt/, humility /hjuːˈmɪlɪti/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/

中文母语者容易读错的音：

/v/ — 不要读成 /w/，上齿轻触下唇: divine /dɪˈvaɪn/, exclusively /ɪkˈskluːsɪvli/, forgiveness /fɚˈɡɪvnəs/, universal /ˌjunəˈvɜɹs(ə)l/, violent /ˈvaɪ.ə.lənt/
词尾辅音 — 要读清楚，后面不要加元音: sacrifice /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/, compromise /ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/, accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, resentment /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/, silent /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/
/r/ 和 /l/ 的区别: spiritual /ˈspɪɹɪt͡ʃuəl/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/, universal /ˌjunəˈvɜɹs(ə)l/, primarily /ˈpɹaɪ.mə.ɹə.li/, moral /ˈmoɹəl/

如何用这段视频练习

先完整听一遍视频，不要开口，记下不认识的单词。
用正常速度逐句跟读，每句重复到你的节奏与说话人一致为止。
录下自己的声音并与原声对比，特别注意 spiritual, masculine, divine 这类单词。

什么是跟读法？

跟读法 (Shadowing) 是一种有科学依据的语言学习技巧，最初开发用于专业口译员的培训，并由多语言者Alexander Arguelles博士普及。这个方法简单而强大：您在听英语母语原声的同时立即大声重复——就像是一个延迟1-2秒紧跟说话者的影子。与被动听力或语法练习不同，跟读法强迫您的大脑和口腔肌肉同时处理并模仿真实的讲话模式。研究表明它能显着提高发音准确性，语调，节奏，连读，听力理解和口语流利度——使其成为雅思口语备考和真实英语交流最有效的方法之一。

影子跟读法: 阅读完整分步指南 →

跟读练习: Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women - 通过视频学习英语口语

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