Prática de Shadowing: Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women - Aprenda a falar inglês com vídeo
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One time when my four kids were little, I was at my parents' house for Christmas,
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and my mom had us do an activity where we wrote down a gift
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that we would like to give to Jesus in the form of an act of service for someone else
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or a sacrifice that we would make in his name.
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This is a very common activity for Christian families, and it's supposed to be a tender, peaceful experience.
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So I was surprised that I found myself inexplicably filled with rage.
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I stared at the paper where I was supposed to be writing down my special self -sacrifice and I started bawling.
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I had given and given and given and given and I had nothing left to give and I felt terrible about it.
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Interestingly, I've heard from women in other religious traditions share similar feelings.
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Let's talk about why.
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Confucianism, Buddhism, and Christianity are three of the largest and most influential religious traditions in the world.
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What did their founders teach?
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Confucius was born in 6th century BCE China during a time of chaos.
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Local warlords were constantly battling for power.
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Confucius offered a path back to harmony.
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Know your place, serve your community.
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Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the Buddha, was born into wealth and privilege in India in the 6th or 5th century BCE.
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He was devastated when he learned about the suffering in the world.
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He taught that suffering comes from attachment to the ego.
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His message was, you are not your title, your wealth, or your ego.
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Let it go.
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Jesus of Nazareth lived in a time where rigid religious rules had overtaken compassion.
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His was a world of power plays, political violence, and deep division.
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Christ's call was for more radical love.
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Lose your life in order to find it.
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Give everything away.
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Turn the other cheek.
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Love your enemies.
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These were all powerful, transformative ideas.
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But do these teachings benefit everyone equally?
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Confucius, Buddha, and Christ all taught humility, sacrifice, and selflessness.
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And those teachings were exactly what the founders and subsequent leaders of those religions needed.
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But those founders and subsequent leaders were all men.
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Their teachings were made by men and for men.
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In Confucianism, women were expected to obey their fathers, then their husbands, then their sons.
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Confucius never imagined a woman as a moral agent in her own right.
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His vision of harmony depended on women's subordination.
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The Buddha's path to enlightenment meant leaving his family, something spiritual men were praised for.
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But what would happen if a mother left her children to pursue enlightenment?
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That would rarely ever be possible, and if it were, she would be called selfish and unnatural.
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And women were excluded from Buddhist monastic life for centuries.
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Christianity teaches that
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Eve sinned by seeking knowledge that women should submit to their husbands and that women should not be leaders.
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For thousands of years, women all across the world have been conditioned to disappear,
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to defer, to serve, and to be small.
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So when women are handed the spiritual tools of further selflessness, sacrifice, and humility, those tools don't liberate us.
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They erase us.
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Author Elizabeth Gilbert recently gave a talk about this at the
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Archangel Summit about the different spiritual needs of typical men and typical women.
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She said that humanity's goal is to move from the profane to the divine.
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But those who are socialized to be masculine
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and those who are socialized to be feminine require different roads to get
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there the profane masculine is putting the wants
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and needs of the self above the good of the whole
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it's conquering hoarding wealth being power hungry i am the king greedy selfish
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and violent it's i'm going to take whatever i want to just
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because i can i'm going to take over this country
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or have sex with this woman or level this forest
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because i want to the divine masculine is putting other people's needs above our own it's kindness forgiveness selflessness
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and compassion it's i could hoard resources
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but i choose to share i could have power
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but i refuse it i look out for the whole instead of just myself the profane feminine over gives,
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over serves, is overly selfless, is used and abused.
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It's I exist to give and serve.
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In the face of bad behavior, I will stay silent and I will continue to please.
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I will not ruffle any feathers or make anyone upset.
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I look out for the whole at the expense of myself.
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Everyone else's needs are prioritized above my own.
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It's accommodating others' desires even when resentment is silently oozing out of my eyeballs.
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This was me at the Christmas party
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and I'll bet it's a lot of women watching right now and maybe a lot of our mothers.
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The divine feminine is the protector.
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It's standing up in the face of injustice.
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It's I will not allow oppression and abuse.
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It's holy power, taking up space, speaking up, protecting against wrongdoing, ensuring equity not only for others,
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but also for the self.
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It's honoring and protecting our own desires rest, and goals.
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So the divine feminine starts with putting itself in the center
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and then it expands to a circle of protection for everything
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that is good and holy and sacred and must not be violated by the profane masculine getting out of hand, right?
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Not to allow it, not to enable it, not to be nicer, not to be sweeter, not to be understanding, not to be like,
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well he never had a dad himself so he doesn't know.
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None of that.
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To just be like, oh no, oh no. No, no, no, no, no. That's gone too far.
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In sum, in order for the masculine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must give up the self.
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In order for the feminine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must build the self.
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Unfortunately for women, nearly all major religious traditions were created for the needs of men, taught by men to men using the words of men.
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Historically, since religions were speaking exclusively to men, only using masculine tools made sense.
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But for the past few centuries, religions have considered themselves universal, covering the needs of both masculine and feminine.
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But there's been no change in doctrines or practices to accommodate or speak to women.
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Women have been exclusively given the tools of the divine masculine as if they were the only spiritual tools.
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Women have evolved with empathy tools hardwired into our bodies.
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Women tuning in to the cries of their newborn babies is an evolutionary necessity for the survival of our species.
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It's built in.
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So when tuning in to the needs of others is further and further and further pushed on us, we just dissolve.
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We give ourselves so completely that we can disappear.
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It's not the toolkit we need.
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And it's why religious tools as they exist now don't work for women.
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They were never meant for us.
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Many women are burnt out from a lifetime of service.
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And then they can go looking for new age spiritual teachings that tell them that what they need is ego death.
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But women have spent their whole lives losing their ego.
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They need to build their ego.
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Men are conditioned to grow their ego and they need tools to lose it.
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Britt Hartley from No Nonsense Spirituality has some really important insights on this.
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Let's hear from her.
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Women, stop going to male spiritual leaders and gurus to dissolve your ego.
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These men who have been able to build a strong sense of ego, that they are a person and they take that process for granted,
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now go into these spiritual spaces to help others experience ego dissolution
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or ego death in order to give other men the flexibility to not be so ego -driven, which actually really can be progress.
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But with most women who were raised in patriarchy, you've already had to kind of repress and negotiate your own needs in order to accommodate others.
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These tools are for people, mostly men, who have already developed and overdeveloped their own ego.
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So for most of the female clients that I work with who have been raised in patriarchy,
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the most spiritual thing that you can do is to build your ego, take up space, build your voice, do a project.
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You're in a place of ego overdevelopment and you are in a place of ego underdevelopment.
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And so the tools and the path of spirituality will look different.
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And Oceana Lane also has some really interesting thoughts on this subject.
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Let's hear what she has to say.
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I wish I had known this in my late teens,
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early 20s, which was when I started obsessively going to male gurus to help dissolve my ego and it felt natural.
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Do you know why?
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Because my ego was already very fragile because I'm a female and I grew up in a dysfunctional family.
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So having a male try to break me down just felt really familiar.
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It took me a long, long time to learn this lesson.
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Zen Buddhist meditation centers, boyfriends who acted like gurus and they all speak with such authority, it's hard not to believe.
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Long, grueling meditation retreats where I had to be silent and listen to a man talk while I dissolved into the ether, becoming nothing.
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My ego was the enemy, and these guys had it all figured out.
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And I was really good at it.
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Really, really good at just disappearing, becoming selfless.
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Almost like I just had like a natural knack for it, you know?
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These spiritual tools not only don't help women, they barricade her from spiritual progress.
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Religious tools outlaw the exact things the feminine needs in order to find balance, building and prioritizing the self.
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In order to even start moving towards balance, women must first hurdle over all of the spiritual tools that we've been given.
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And this concept applies to more than just religious teachings.
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The message of most marriage books is similarly to lose the self.
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According to Goodreads, the most popular marriage books are The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller,
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Love and Respect by Emerson Egerichs, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and The Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work by John Gottman.
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These books primarily teach the tools of compassion, forgiveness, empathy, compromise, and kindness.
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These are great tools.
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These are essential tools and I promote them wholeheartedly.
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But I will say that for me personally, those were tools that I already had and that I overused in my marriage.
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The skills that I needed to develop were to set boundaries and speak up for myself.
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My friend
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and co -writer Celeste Davis taught the Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work course for the Gottman Institute for several years.
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She said that with every passing class, she wished more and more that she could divide the class up
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and teach the wives separately from the husbands instead of teaching all the marriage tools as if they applied universally.
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When she taught that compromise and compassion were the foundations of a good marriage, she could see that those were exactly the tools
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that the husbands needed because they hadn't been taught those skills as they were growing up as boys.
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She saw how during role plays and in discussions, the men struggled to stop problem solving and start really listening,
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to compromise, to be compassionate when they were upset, to give up some autonomy for the good of the partnership.
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But the women didn't need those tools.
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They had been doing too much compromise, too little prioritizing their own needs, and they were drowning in resentment,
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they needed to be taught to start paying attention to that resentment, to ask themselves what they really wanted,
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not just what would keep the peace for everybody else.
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They needed permission to make room for their desires, even when it meant disappointing their spouse.
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They needed to be given the tools to be okay in the midst of upsetting someone.
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In religion and in relationships, women have already been sacrificing.
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We've already been surrendering.
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We've already been told our whole lives to think of others first and to put ourselves last.
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What women need is the opposite message.
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Your life matters.
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Your voice matters.
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Your body, your boundaries, your dreams, they matter.
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The spiritual work of women is not to dissolve the self it's to recover it to rebuild what has been taken
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thanks for watching please share this video with the women in your life share it with your mom, your sisters, your girlfriends and
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if you're like me share these ideas with the younger version of yourself who needed this framework
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but hadn't learned it yet and of course like and subscribe if you haven't already thank you so much
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We'll be right back.
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I'll see you next time.
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Vocabulário e dicas de fala para esta lição
Esta aula de conversação usa o vídeo “Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women”. As palavras que mais se repetem: tools, ego, spiritual, marriage. Este vídeo tem 169 frases e 2175 palavras para praticar shadowing. A fala dura 14:55. O falante mantém um ritmo estável de cerca de 146 palavras por minuto, confortável para o shadowing. Apenas 81% das palavras estão entre as 3.000 mais comuns do inglês, por isso o vocabulário é exigente.
Vocabulário principal deste vídeo
15 palavras do vídeo que vale a pena aprender, com pronúncia e significado:
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| spiritual adjetivo | /ˈspɪɹɪt͡ʃuəl/ | espiritual |
| masculine adjetivo | /ˈmæskjələn/ | macho |
| divine adjetivo | /dɪˈvaɪn/ | divino |
| feminine adjetivo | /ˈfɛmɪnɪn/ | feminino |
| sacrifice substantivo | /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/ | sacrifício |
| compromise substantivo | /ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/ | meio-termo, acordo |
| compassion substantivo | /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/ | compaixão |
| founder substantivo | /ˈfaʊ̯n.dəː/ | fundador |
| disappear verbo | /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/ | desaparecer, sumir |
| accommodate verbo | /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/ | acomodar |
| guru substantivo | /ˈɡʊɹ(ˌ)u/ | guru |
| resentment substantivo | /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/ | ressentimento |
| silent adjetivo | /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/ | silencioso |
| suffer verbo | /ˈsʌfɚ/ | sofrer |
| subsequent adjetivo | /ˈsʌbsɪkwənt/ | subsequente, seguinte |
Phrasal verbs que você vai ouvir
| Palavra | Pronúncia | Significado |
|---|---|---|
| give up verbo | render-se | |
| write down verbo | anotar | |
| figure out verbo | descobrir, deduzir | |
| grow up verbo | crescer | |
| speak up verbo | /ˌspik ˈʌp/ | falar mais alto, falar mais claro/claramente |
| take over verbo | tomar posse de, apoderar-se de |
Frases que vale a pena repetir
Frases curtas e completas do vídeo que você pode usar na conversa do dia a dia:
- It's I exist to give and serve.
- Everyone else's needs are prioritized above my own.
- It's I will not allow oppression and abuse.
- It's not the toolkit we need.
- Let's hear what she has to say.
Gramática neste vídeo
As estruturas que o falante mais usa, com as palavras exatas do vídeo:
| Estrutura | No vídeo |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — uma ação que começou antes e continua | have already been sacrificing · We've already been surrendering |
| Present perfect have/has + particípio passado — uma ação passada que ainda importa agora | I've heard · have been conditioned · have considered |
| Voz passiva be + particípio passado — o foco está no que acontece, não em quem faz | was born · were made · were expected |
| Orações relativas who / which + oração — informação extra sobre uma pessoa ou coisa | those who are · men who have · women who were |
Pronúncia para ficar de olho
O falante usa 21 contrações e formas reduzidas, como don't, I'm, we've. Diga-as na forma curta, do jeito que você ouve.
- Os sons de “th”: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, feather /ˈfɛðə/, ether /ˈi.θɚ/
- Os sons de “sh” e “zh”: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, meditation /mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/
- Palavras longas — acerte a sílaba tônica: accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, exclusively /ɪkˈskluːsɪvli/, enlightenment /ɪnˈlaɪtənmənt/, humility /hjuːˈmɪlɪti/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/
Sons difíceis para falantes de português:
- Consoante final — sem acrescentar um “i” depois: accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, resentment /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/, silent /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/, subsequent /ˈsʌbsɪkwənt/, sacred /ˈseɪkɹɪd/
- /l/ final — a língua toca o céu da boca, não vira “u”: spiritual /ˈspɪɹɪt͡ʃuəl/, universal /ˌjunəˈvɜɹs(ə)l/, moral /ˈmoɹəl/, survival /sɚˈvaɪ.vəl/, radical /ˈɹædɪkəl/
- /h/ — um sopro suave, diferente do “r”: harmony /ˈhɑ̟ɹ.mə.ni/, humility /hjuːˈmɪlɪti/, hungry /ˈhʌŋ.ɡɹi/, historically /hɪˈstɔɹɪkli/, hoard /hɔɹd/
Como praticar com este vídeo
- Ouça o vídeo inteiro uma vez sem falar e anote as palavras que você não conhece.
- Faça shadowing frase por frase na velocidade normal, repetindo cada uma até o seu ritmo ficar igual ao do falante.
- Grave a sua voz e compare com o original, prestando atenção a palavras como spiritual, masculine, divine.
O que é a Técnica de Shadowing?
Shadowing é uma técnica de aprendizado de idiomas com base científica, originalmente desenvolvida para o treinamento de intérpretes profissionais. O método é simples, mas poderoso: você ouve áudio em inglês nativo e repete imediatamente em voz alta — como uma sombra seguindo o falante com 1-2 segundos de atraso. Pesquisas mostram melhora significativa na precisão da pronúncia, entonação, ritmo, sons conectados, compreensão auditiva e fluência na fala.