Pratica di Shadowing: Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women - Impara a parlare inglese con i video
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One time when my four kids were little, I was at my parents' house for Christmas,
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and my mom had us do an activity where we wrote down a gift
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that we would like to give to Jesus in the form of an act of service for someone else
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or a sacrifice that we would make in his name.
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This is a very common activity for Christian families, and it's supposed to be a tender, peaceful experience.
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So I was surprised that I found myself inexplicably filled with rage.
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I stared at the paper where I was supposed to be writing down my special self -sacrifice and I started bawling.
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I had given and given and given and given and I had nothing left to give and I felt terrible about it.
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Interestingly, I've heard from women in other religious traditions share similar feelings.
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Let's talk about why.
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Confucianism, Buddhism, and Christianity are three of the largest and most influential religious traditions in the world.
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What did their founders teach?
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Confucius was born in 6th century BCE China during a time of chaos.
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Local warlords were constantly battling for power.
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Confucius offered a path back to harmony.
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Know your place, serve your community.
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Siddhartha Gautama, better known as the Buddha, was born into wealth and privilege in India in the 6th or 5th century BCE.
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He was devastated when he learned about the suffering in the world.
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He taught that suffering comes from attachment to the ego.
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His message was, you are not your title, your wealth, or your ego.
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Let it go.
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Jesus of Nazareth lived in a time where rigid religious rules had overtaken compassion.
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His was a world of power plays, political violence, and deep division.
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Christ's call was for more radical love.
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Lose your life in order to find it.
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Give everything away.
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Turn the other cheek.
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Love your enemies.
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These were all powerful, transformative ideas.
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But do these teachings benefit everyone equally?
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Confucius, Buddha, and Christ all taught humility, sacrifice, and selflessness.
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And those teachings were exactly what the founders and subsequent leaders of those religions needed.
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But those founders and subsequent leaders were all men.
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Their teachings were made by men and for men.
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In Confucianism, women were expected to obey their fathers, then their husbands, then their sons.
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Confucius never imagined a woman as a moral agent in her own right.
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His vision of harmony depended on women's subordination.
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The Buddha's path to enlightenment meant leaving his family, something spiritual men were praised for.
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But what would happen if a mother left her children to pursue enlightenment?
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That would rarely ever be possible, and if it were, she would be called selfish and unnatural.
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And women were excluded from Buddhist monastic life for centuries.
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Christianity teaches that
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Eve sinned by seeking knowledge that women should submit to their husbands and that women should not be leaders.
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For thousands of years, women all across the world have been conditioned to disappear,
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to defer, to serve, and to be small.
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So when women are handed the spiritual tools of further selflessness, sacrifice, and humility, those tools don't liberate us.
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They erase us.
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Author Elizabeth Gilbert recently gave a talk about this at the
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Archangel Summit about the different spiritual needs of typical men and typical women.
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She said that humanity's goal is to move from the profane to the divine.
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But those who are socialized to be masculine
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and those who are socialized to be feminine require different roads to get
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there the profane masculine is putting the wants
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and needs of the self above the good of the whole
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it's conquering hoarding wealth being power hungry i am the king greedy selfish
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and violent it's i'm going to take whatever i want to just
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because i can i'm going to take over this country
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or have sex with this woman or level this forest
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because i want to the divine masculine is putting other people's needs above our own it's kindness forgiveness selflessness
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and compassion it's i could hoard resources
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but i choose to share i could have power
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but i refuse it i look out for the whole instead of just myself the profane feminine over gives,
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over serves, is overly selfless, is used and abused.
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It's I exist to give and serve.
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In the face of bad behavior, I will stay silent and I will continue to please.
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I will not ruffle any feathers or make anyone upset.
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I look out for the whole at the expense of myself.
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Everyone else's needs are prioritized above my own.
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It's accommodating others' desires even when resentment is silently oozing out of my eyeballs.
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This was me at the Christmas party
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and I'll bet it's a lot of women watching right now and maybe a lot of our mothers.
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The divine feminine is the protector.
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It's standing up in the face of injustice.
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It's I will not allow oppression and abuse.
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It's holy power, taking up space, speaking up, protecting against wrongdoing, ensuring equity not only for others,
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but also for the self.
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It's honoring and protecting our own desires rest, and goals.
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So the divine feminine starts with putting itself in the center
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and then it expands to a circle of protection for everything
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that is good and holy and sacred and must not be violated by the profane masculine getting out of hand, right?
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Not to allow it, not to enable it, not to be nicer, not to be sweeter, not to be understanding, not to be like,
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well he never had a dad himself so he doesn't know.
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None of that.
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To just be like, oh no, oh no. No, no, no, no, no. That's gone too far.
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In sum, in order for the masculine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must give up the self.
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In order for the feminine to move from the degraded to the divine, it must build the self.
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Unfortunately for women, nearly all major religious traditions were created for the needs of men, taught by men to men using the words of men.
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Historically, since religions were speaking exclusively to men, only using masculine tools made sense.
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But for the past few centuries, religions have considered themselves universal, covering the needs of both masculine and feminine.
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But there's been no change in doctrines or practices to accommodate or speak to women.
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Women have been exclusively given the tools of the divine masculine as if they were the only spiritual tools.
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Women have evolved with empathy tools hardwired into our bodies.
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Women tuning in to the cries of their newborn babies is an evolutionary necessity for the survival of our species.
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It's built in.
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So when tuning in to the needs of others is further and further and further pushed on us, we just dissolve.
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We give ourselves so completely that we can disappear.
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It's not the toolkit we need.
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And it's why religious tools as they exist now don't work for women.
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They were never meant for us.
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Many women are burnt out from a lifetime of service.
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And then they can go looking for new age spiritual teachings that tell them that what they need is ego death.
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But women have spent their whole lives losing their ego.
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They need to build their ego.
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Men are conditioned to grow their ego and they need tools to lose it.
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Britt Hartley from No Nonsense Spirituality has some really important insights on this.
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Let's hear from her.
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Women, stop going to male spiritual leaders and gurus to dissolve your ego.
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These men who have been able to build a strong sense of ego, that they are a person and they take that process for granted,
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now go into these spiritual spaces to help others experience ego dissolution
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or ego death in order to give other men the flexibility to not be so ego -driven, which actually really can be progress.
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But with most women who were raised in patriarchy, you've already had to kind of repress and negotiate your own needs in order to accommodate others.
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These tools are for people, mostly men, who have already developed and overdeveloped their own ego.
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So for most of the female clients that I work with who have been raised in patriarchy,
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the most spiritual thing that you can do is to build your ego, take up space, build your voice, do a project.
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You're in a place of ego overdevelopment and you are in a place of ego underdevelopment.
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And so the tools and the path of spirituality will look different.
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And Oceana Lane also has some really interesting thoughts on this subject.
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Let's hear what she has to say.
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I wish I had known this in my late teens,
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early 20s, which was when I started obsessively going to male gurus to help dissolve my ego and it felt natural.
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Do you know why?
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Because my ego was already very fragile because I'm a female and I grew up in a dysfunctional family.
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So having a male try to break me down just felt really familiar.
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It took me a long, long time to learn this lesson.
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Zen Buddhist meditation centers, boyfriends who acted like gurus and they all speak with such authority, it's hard not to believe.
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Long, grueling meditation retreats where I had to be silent and listen to a man talk while I dissolved into the ether, becoming nothing.
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My ego was the enemy, and these guys had it all figured out.
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And I was really good at it.
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Really, really good at just disappearing, becoming selfless.
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Almost like I just had like a natural knack for it, you know?
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These spiritual tools not only don't help women, they barricade her from spiritual progress.
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Religious tools outlaw the exact things the feminine needs in order to find balance, building and prioritizing the self.
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In order to even start moving towards balance, women must first hurdle over all of the spiritual tools that we've been given.
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And this concept applies to more than just religious teachings.
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The message of most marriage books is similarly to lose the self.
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According to Goodreads, the most popular marriage books are The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller,
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Love and Respect by Emerson Egerichs, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, and The Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work by John Gottman.
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These books primarily teach the tools of compassion, forgiveness, empathy, compromise, and kindness.
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These are great tools.
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These are essential tools and I promote them wholeheartedly.
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But I will say that for me personally, those were tools that I already had and that I overused in my marriage.
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The skills that I needed to develop were to set boundaries and speak up for myself.
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My friend
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and co -writer Celeste Davis taught the Seven Principles to Make Marriage Work course for the Gottman Institute for several years.
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She said that with every passing class, she wished more and more that she could divide the class up
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and teach the wives separately from the husbands instead of teaching all the marriage tools as if they applied universally.
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When she taught that compromise and compassion were the foundations of a good marriage, she could see that those were exactly the tools
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that the husbands needed because they hadn't been taught those skills as they were growing up as boys.
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She saw how during role plays and in discussions, the men struggled to stop problem solving and start really listening,
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to compromise, to be compassionate when they were upset, to give up some autonomy for the good of the partnership.
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But the women didn't need those tools.
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They had been doing too much compromise, too little prioritizing their own needs, and they were drowning in resentment,
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they needed to be taught to start paying attention to that resentment, to ask themselves what they really wanted,
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not just what would keep the peace for everybody else.
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They needed permission to make room for their desires, even when it meant disappointing their spouse.
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They needed to be given the tools to be okay in the midst of upsetting someone.
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In religion and in relationships, women have already been sacrificing.
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We've already been surrendering.
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We've already been told our whole lives to think of others first and to put ourselves last.
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What women need is the opposite message.
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Your life matters.
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Your voice matters.
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Your body, your boundaries, your dreams, they matter.
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The spiritual work of women is not to dissolve the self it's to recover it to rebuild what has been taken
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thanks for watching please share this video with the women in your life share it with your mom, your sisters, your girlfriends and
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if you're like me share these ideas with the younger version of yourself who needed this framework
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but hadn't learned it yet and of course like and subscribe if you haven't already thank you so much
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We'll be right back.
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I'll see you next time.
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Vocabolario e note di pronuncia per questa lezione
Questa lezione di conversazione si basa sul video “Why Religious Tools Don't Work For Women”. Le parole che ritornano più spesso: tools, ego, spiritual, marriage. Questo video contiene 169 frasi e 2175 parole da ripetere con lo shadowing. Il parlato dura 14:55. Chi parla mantiene un ritmo costante di circa 146 parole al minuto, comodo per lo shadowing. Solo il 81% delle parole rientra nelle 3.000 più comuni dell’inglese, quindi il lessico è impegnativo.
Vocaboli chiave di questo video
15 parole del video che vale la pena imparare, con pronuncia e significato:
| Parola | Pronuncia | Significato |
|---|---|---|
| spiritual aggettivo | /ˈspɪɹɪt͡ʃuəl/ | spirituale |
| masculine aggettivo | /ˈmæskjələn/ | mascolino |
| divine aggettivo | /dɪˈvaɪn/ | divino, divina |
| feminine aggettivo | /ˈfɛmɪnɪn/ | femminile |
| sacrifice sostantivo | /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/ | sacrificio |
| compromise sostantivo | /ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/ | compromesso |
| compassion sostantivo | /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/ | compassione |
| founder sostantivo | /ˈfaʊ̯n.dəː/ | fondatore, creatore |
| disappear verbo | /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/ | sparire, scomparire |
| accommodate verbo | /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/ | adattare |
| guru sostantivo | /ˈɡʊɹ(ˌ)u/ | guru |
| silent aggettivo | /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/ | silenzioso |
| suffer verbo | /ˈsʌfɚ/ | soffrire, penare |
| subsequent aggettivo | /ˈsʌbsɪkwənt/ | successivo |
| tune sostantivo | /tjuːn/ | melodia |
I phrasal verb che sentirai
| Parola | Significato |
|---|---|
| give up verbo | arrendersi |
| take up verbo | sollevare, prendere |
| write down verbo | sottoscrivere, annotare |
| figure out verbo | scoprire, rendersi conto |
| grow up verbo | crescere |
| take over verbo | usurpare |
Frasi da ripetere
Frasi brevi e complete del video che puoi riutilizzare nella conversazione di tutti i giorni:
- It's I exist to give and serve.
- Everyone else's needs are prioritized above my own.
- It's I will not allow oppression and abuse.
- It's not the toolkit we need.
- Let's hear what she has to say.
La grammatica di questo video
Le strutture che chi parla usa di più, con le parole esatte del video:
| Struttura | Nel video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect continuous have/has been + -ing — un’azione iniziata prima e ancora in corso | have already been sacrificing · We've already been surrendering |
| Present perfect have/has + participio passato — un’azione passata che conta ancora adesso | I've heard · have been conditioned · have considered |
| Forma passiva be + participio passato — conta ciò che accade, non chi lo fa | was born · were made · were expected |
| Frasi relative who / which + frase — un’informazione in più su una persona o una cosa | those who are · men who have · women who were |
Pronuncia a cui fare attenzione
Chi parla usa 21 contrazioni e forme ridotte, come don't, I'm, we've. Pronunciale nella forma breve, così come le senti.
- I suoni “th”: empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, feather /ˈfɛðə/, ether /ˈi.θɚ/
- I suoni “sh” e “zh”: compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, selfish /ˈsɛlf.ɪʃ/, meditation /mɛdɪˈteɪʃn̩/, partnership /ˈpɑɹtnɚʃɪp/, influential /ɪnflʊˈɛnʃəl/
- Parole lunghe — attenzione all’accento: accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, exclusively /ɪkˈskluːsɪvli/, enlightenment /ɪnˈlaɪtənmənt/, humility /hjuːˈmɪlɪti/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/
I suoni difficili per chi parla italiano:
- /h/ — va soffiata, non è muta: harmony /ˈhɑ̟ɹ.mə.ni/, humility /hjuːˈmɪlɪti/, hungry /ˈhʌŋ.ɡɹi/, historically /hɪˈstɔɹɪkli/, hoard /hɔɹd/
- Consonante finale — senza aggiungere una vocale dopo: sacrifice /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/, compromise /ˈkɑmpɹəˌmaɪz/, accommodate /əˈkɑməˌdeɪt/, resentment /ɹɪˈzɛnt.mənt/, silent /ˈsaɪ̯lənt/
- /æ/ — più aperta della “e”: masculine /ˈmæskjələn/, sacrifice /ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/, compassion /kəmˈpæʃ.ən/, spirituality /ˌspɪɹ.ə.t͡ʃuˈæl.ə.tɪ/, expand /ɪkˈspænd/
Come esercitarsi con questo video
- Ascolta tutto il video una volta senza parlare e annota le parole che non conosci.
- Fai shadowing frase per frase a velocità normale, ripetendo ognuna finché il tuo ritmo coincide con quello di chi parla.
- Registrati e confronta con l’originale, facendo attenzione a parole come spiritual, masculine, divine.
Cos'è la tecnica dello Shadowing?
Shadowing è una tecnica di apprendimento delle lingue supportata da studi scientifici, originariamente sviluppata per la formazione dei traduttori professionisti e resa popolare dal poliglotta Dr. Alexander Arguelles. Il metodo è semplice ma potente: ascolti un audio in inglese di madrelingua e lo ripeti immediatamente ad alta voce — come un'ombra che segue il parlante con un ritardo di solo 1–2 secondi. A differenza dell'ascolto passivo o degli esercizi di grammatica, lo shadowing costringe il tuo cervello e i muscoli della bocca a elaborare e riprodurre simultaneamente i modelli di discorso reale. La ricerca dimostra che migliora significativamente la precisione della pronuncia, l'intonazione, il ritmo, il discorso connesso, la comprensione dell'ascolto e la fluidità del parlato — rendendolo uno dei metodi più efficaci per la preparazione alla prova di speaking dell'IELTS e per la comunicazione reale in inglese.