Shadowing Practice: lower your expectations about people - Learn English Speaking with Video
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We often find ourselves disappointed with other people.
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This is a common and constant experience.
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There are times when we set realistic expectations for people.
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Realistic expectations would be expecting somebody to treat you with respect
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or expecting somebody to follow the law and not break into your home and steal all your stuff.
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You know what I'm saying? those are realistic, normal, healthy expectations to have.
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And there are times when people don't meet those realistic expectations.
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They stoop really low and they disappoint you in a big way.
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And when that happens, it's very clear that this is not a person that you want to be around.
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And it's very clear that it's their fault, right?
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They couldn't meet a realistic expectation that shouldn't even be a question.
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Handling that situation can be very challenging, but it's very clear who's at fault, right?
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The person who didn't meet the realistic expectation.
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But there are times when we become disappointed in people.
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They didn't meet our expectation, but we have to ask ourselves, did we set the expectation too high?
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Did they even have a chance to meet our expectations or were they destined to fail from the start?
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Today, I want to talk about having unrealistic expectations about people
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and why we should try to eradicate those expectations from our mind
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because I think a lot of us expect the world out of other people whether it's people we know
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or it's people we don't know we tend to expect others to be superhuman without even realizing
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that we're doing it and it's complicated
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because having a set of expectations for how you want to be treated
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and for who you want to have in your life is important and healthy and how you keep yourself safe and happy.
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But at the same time, we can take it too far and we can set expectations for people that are unrealistic and impossible to reach.
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But we can convince ourselves that those are realistic expectations to have when in reality they aren't.
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We set expectations about people that we know and people that we don't know.
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For the people that we know, we tend to set expectations based on what we know about them.
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And when we know somebody, we tend to think that we know everything about them.
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But the truth is nobody knows everything about someone except for that person.
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And even that person might not know everything about themselves.
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But I think we can find ourselves assuming that we know everything about a person because we're close to them.
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When in reality, there are things still that are a mystery to us about them.
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And so we can set expectations about the way that they behave
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and we can expect them to remain consistent in a way with who they are because we know them a certain way.
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But there's a chance that there's things about them that you don't know.
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And they might come out to surprise you.
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And they might shock you about the person because you didn't expect it.
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You thought you knew everything about them.
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And you had this expectation about who they were and what their character was.
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And something kind of unusual might pop out at some point
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and surprise you and not align with your expectations for that person.
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And you can find yourself disappointed in them because something
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that they did didn't align with your perception of who they were or who they are.
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I'll give you an example.
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Let's talk about your grandma.
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Let's say you and your grandma are really close and she never raises her voice.
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She never, ever raises her voice.
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And one day you're at your grandma's house
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and you drop a piece of cake on the floor on accident she gave you a slice of cake
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and you dropped it on the floor
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and then out of nowhere she starts screaming at you she's like what the fuck pick it up she explodes
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and you're like what
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like grandma has never raised her voice
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and you're pissed you're disappointed you expected your grandma to be
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a perfect sweet kind angel you didn't even know she had this in her to yell at you
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and you become incredibly disappointed and you're so hurt
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which you know it's not nice for somebody to raise their voice at you
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but you know it's human and it happens sometimes
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and as long as she didn't say anything too mean I think you know it's a forgivable action
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and so you call your parents
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and you have them pick you up from grandma's house
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and you make the decision that you never want to talk to your grandma again
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because you saw a side of her that didn't meet your expectation of her
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and you never want to see her again you're scared of
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her you don't like her you never want to see her again this is like a weird example
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but you get the idea okay something out of character happened with somebody
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that you know and even though it was technically something that's forgivable.
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You had an unrealistic expectation for your grandma.
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You expected your grandma to be the perfect sweet angel grandma 24 seven.
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And the second that she wasn't that for a moment, you can never think of her the same again.
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You don't like her anymore.
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You don't want to spend time with her anymore.
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Again, this is such a weird example, but I think it's, I think it's painting the right picture,
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but let's say what you don't know is that your grandma just lost $50 ,000 because she got robbed.
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Somebody robbed her.
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Somebody robbed the, her bank.
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Okay.
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And she lost $50 ,000.
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Sorry.
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I'm not laughing because this metaphorical grandma lost $50 ,000.
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I'm laughing because I don't know where the story is coming from.
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It's coming out of my ass.
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Let's say your grandma lost $50 ,000.
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The bank got robbed.
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Her money's gone.
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Her credit card got stolen.
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Okay.
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She's really upset because she doesn't know how she's going to pay her mortgage that month.
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She just lost $50 ,000.
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Anybody would be a wreck if they got $50 ,000 stolen.
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Okay.
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But you don't know that, right?
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You don't know that about your grandma.
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She didn't want to tell you that because she didn't want to burden you with that information, but it came out in a different way.
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She exploded.
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She raised her voice at you.
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She yelled at you and she didn't live up to your expectation that you had for her.
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And now you don't think of her the same.
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You don't like her anymore.
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And you, and you don't even want to forgive her because you're so confused and upset by this.
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That's an example of how we can set expectations for people that we know that are unrealistic.
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You know, in this example, expecting grandma to be perfectly sweet and kind and soft
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and gentle 24 seven and to never lose her temper
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or raise her voice in a way that's normal you know
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that would be an unrealistic expectation in my opinion we can also set our expectations unrealistically high for people
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that we don't know and we can put people on a pedestal before they've earned
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that spot when we don't know somebody there's a lot of room in our minds to
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build them into something that they're not.
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We have a tendency to fill in the blanks when we don't know the full story.
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And with somebody who's still kind of a stranger to you, it can be easy to assume what they're really like in person.
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But the likelihood that they're going to meet that expectation is low.
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Okay.
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For example, with celebrities, we like, we don't know them personally.
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We are familiar with their online identity, but we don't really know them.
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It's so easy to assume that someone's personality is the exact same in real life as it is online because
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all that we know about a person is their online identity,
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you know, but there's so much that isn't seen on a public level with celebrities.
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And we're left with a lot more question marks than we even consciously realize we are.
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Like, I think a lot of us feel like we know celebrities, but then if we were to really look into our heads and close our eyes and think about it,
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we would realize how much we really don't know about them.
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We use our imaginations to fill in the blanks of celebrities' personalities.
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And if we like the celebrity, we can have a tendency to build them up in a good way.
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You know, because they seem good online or in the press,
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we can assume that they're also good in all other categories of life because it's just easy to infer.
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And because celebrities are already put on a pedestal just by nature, because with fame comes a level of status,
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I guess, although it is all kind of an illusion, but does it matter if it's an illusion, if it benefits these celebrities in their lives?
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You know what I mean?
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Is it really an illusion if a lot of people believe it?
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That's a question for another day, but we already put celebrities on a pedestal just by nature.
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Because they're successful and they've accomplished the ultimate dream of becoming a celebrity.
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And so if we like a celebrity.
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And they're already on a pedestal just by nature.
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We can really build up our expectations for celebrities,
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because not only do we think that we like them as people based on what we've seen so far,
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but also they are already on this pedestal that society puts them on.
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So they're on like an ultra high pedestal and we expect perfect behavior from celebrities.
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I've noticed this on the internet.
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You know, there is virtually no room for error for celebrities on the internet.
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And I understand why on a psychological level, because again, we don't know the full story about celebrities.
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We see what we see, but that's not everything.
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And on top of that, we already deify celebrities.
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We look at them like they're almost godlike creatures at times.
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And those two things combined make us forget that they're just human beings like everyone else, and they're not going to live up to your expectations.
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You know, they're definitely not going to live up to that expectation.
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If you meet a celebrity and they're kind of an asshole, don't be surprised.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Even the nicest celebrity,
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the one who is the most likely to live up to your expectations would still fail to meet your expectations
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because the level that we expect them to reach is not even human at times,
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expecting them to be morally perfect.
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A lot of times always look perfect in, in a lot of ways.
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Um, we expect celebrities to handle every situation with grace, to constantly be polite and in a good mood, et cetera.
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And in reality, a lot of celebrities are not even close to that.
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In fact, they're on the complete opposite end of that, you know, behind the scenes, maybe.
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But I think that that's a good example of setting unrealistic expectations for someone that you don't know.
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But another example would be when you have a crush on somebody.
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I just recently talked about this in another episode, so this might sound like I'm just a broken record.
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But you know when you have a crush on someone and you don't really know them? yet.
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Like there's still a stranger to you.
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Maybe they're in your math class and they're across the room and you've never spoken to each other, but you have a huge crush on them because they're so cute and they're really funny.
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Like one time they raised their hand and made fun of the teacher and made a joke at the teacher.
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And now you have a crush on them because they're so cute.
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And also they made fun of the teacher.
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They're so silly, you know, so you have a crush on someone, but you don't know them yet.
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And over the course of a few months, let's say you just watch this person from across the room and you never have the courage to talk to them, but you just start building them up in your mind.
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You know, you start imagining what it would be like to date them.
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And you paint this whole picture in your mind, like, oh, you know, they would text me every day and tell me how beautiful I look.
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And we would kiss every day under the sunset
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and we would go on dates every night and their voice would sound like this in my ear.
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And like, you know, you just start building them up in your mind.
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I've done this a million times.
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I've done this every time I've ever had a crush on someone.
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I completely create them in my mind during this weird period between me getting to know them
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and me starting to have a crush on them.
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It's like I have a crush on them, but I don't have the courage maybe to talk to them quite yet.
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So maybe a month goes by and then eventually I get to know them and then I find out the truth after.
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yeah when you have a crush on somebody
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but you don't really know them you weren't friends with them
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first you can completely formulate them in your mind into the perfect significant other
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and you can dream them up to be this perfect bae i love the word bae
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so underrated so freaking underrated you guys bringing it back and then let's say you actually end up dating your crush
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and they're okay.
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They're an okay, significant other, but you know, maybe they're a little bit immature in some ways.
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Maybe they don't respond to your texts sometimes for a whole day.
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They kind of leave you hanging because maybe they have a hobby
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that they're really into and they don't respond to you immediately.
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Or maybe their voice is actually a little bit annoying.
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It wasn't what you expected it to be.
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Like when you actually were talking to them, you know, their voice was kind of squeaky or something, and you'd never heard it before.
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And now you're hearing it and you're like, Ooh, I don't really like that.
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And then they actually aren't maybe as.
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smart as you expected them to be, you know, maybe you're talking to them about some sort of complicated topic and they're just not really getting it.
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And you're like, what?
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Like, I thought that they were going to be so smart.
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They looked so smart and witty from across the room.
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Like what's going on, but yet they are a good person in a lot of ways.
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They're not necessarily doing anything wrong, but they're just not living up to the expectation that you set.
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This is another example of setting an unrealistic expectation for someone that we don't know.
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And last but not least, when it comes to making friends, this can also happen.
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You see some kids, a friend group maybe from across the room, maybe at work.
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Okay, maybe, you know, you're at work
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and you see this cool group of people at lunch sitting together
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and they all have cool outfits maybe
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and they're kind of a cool friend group and they just seem so laid back and chill and nonchalant, good vibes, you know you're like,
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wow, what a cool vibe friend group.
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And then maybe in reality, you actually join the friend group.
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You become friends with everybody.
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And you know, the conversations you have with them are, are cool, but they're maybe kind of boring.
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And maybe you get to know them and you see that they actually don't have good taste in some stuff.
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Maybe their outfits are really cool, but then their music taste is awful.
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But you assumed their music taste would be amazing because their outfits were cool.
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And usually if people have good taste in clothes, they have good taste in music and they just aren't really what you thought.
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And maybe they're even decent friends, but they just aren't what you thought they were going to be.
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This is another example of setting your expectations too high for people that you don't even know.
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We have to leave some room for error for people.
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Now, obviously we can't leave too much room, right?
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This is when things get complicated.
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Okay.
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We have to leave some room for error for people, but we can't leave too much room.
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Now, anything that's like this, where it's like the line is blurred is confusing.
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And there's no perfect way to explain where the line is, right?
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Between leaving a healthy amount of room for people to grow
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and evolve and become better people versus putting your foot down and saying, I'm not tolerating this behavior.
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You messed up way too big time and it's over.
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You know what I mean?
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Like I can't have you in my life.
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The line is blurred, but I think it's important to set your deal breakers in your mind
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so that you can refer to them in moments
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when you're trying to figure out whether or not something is a deal breaker.
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If somebody disrespects you, if somebody hurts you bad in some way, if somebody breaks the law,
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if somebody puts you in danger, if somebody takes advantage of you, you know, if someone does something really bad, it's obvious.
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Like, it's obvious that that's a deal breaker.
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It's a little bit more obvious at times to call those things out.
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I'm not saying that it's easier all the time
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because there can be relationships in our lives that sort of cause us to become blind to certain things.
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But for the most part, those things are easier to call out.
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It's when we set our expectations too high
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and don't leave any room for error that maybe we need to alter the expectations that we set.
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The truth is humans are flawed.
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All humans are flawed.
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It doesn't matter if it's a celebrity or the president of the United States
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or your doctor or your therapist or your significant other or your priest at your church.
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It doesn't matter.
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Every single human being is flawed.
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and at times we can convince ourselves that people are not flawed
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that certain people are not flawed you know especially
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when someone's on a pedestal you know
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when we're young we put our parents on a pedestal we think
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that they can do no wrong
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when we're super involved in a religion we can believe
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that our leader of the church can do no wrong at times
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when we're dating somebody and we're just so infatuated by them, we can start to believe that they can do no wrong.
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But the truth is, across the board, everyone is flawed.
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And it's inevitable that at some point, someone that you put on a pedestal will disappoint you.
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Someone that you set high expectations for will disappoint you.
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And I think at times it's okay to be disappointed, even if you set your expectations too high.
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And even if they never had a chance to live up to your expectations, I think at times it is okay to feel disappointed,
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even when you did set your expectations too high, because that's a human emotion to feel.
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But I think what's really important is what's your next step are you going to find a way to forgive them, to see the humanity in them,
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to give them room to become better?
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Are you going to communicate with them
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and explain to them why you're disappointed in them and hopefully help them in their growing process?
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Or are you just going to walk away because you're disappointed and you just don't even want to keep trying?
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It's your right to make whichever decision that you want to make.
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And at the end of the day, you know, nobody can say that that decision is wrong.
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The line is so blurry between what's a deal breaker
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and what's not at times that I can't write out a specific formula for how to handle the situation properly.
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But I think as long as you have in mind
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that everyone is flawed and that everyone's going to disappoint you at some point and that that's okay.
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And that in a lot of scenarios, that is an opportunity for both parties to grow and both parties to become better people,
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then I think that's a really good place to be.
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As long as you're still protecting yourself from really bad behavior.
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I mean, that's why it just gets so messy, you know?
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Because it's like, what is bad behavior?
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Some bad behavior is obvious.
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Some bad behavior is a little bit harder to pinpoint.
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The other thing is not everyone is like you, you know, not everyone was raised like you.
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Not everyone has had the experiences that you've had.
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And so naturally your moral compass, your list of priorities, your nature,
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like your personality and your nature and your, I feel like everybody's particular makeup,
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you know, the combination of morality and values and priorities and personality.
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I feel like everybody's makeup is like a thumbprint.
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You know, it's, they're all different.
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There might be two that are similar, but they're never exactly the same.
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It's like a snowflake.
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No two snowflakes are ever exactly the same.
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Personalities are like that.
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And so a lot of times we can set an unrealistic expectation that people are going to be just like us,
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you know, they're going to handle situations like we would, they're going to treat us how we treat others.
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And the truth is, is that as much as it would make life easy,
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if that was true, that actually is kind of an unrealistic expectation because all of our makeups are so different.
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The way that we function is unique to us.
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And so we can't expect somebody else to match that because it's impossible.
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We are all individuals with our own set of life experience and set of morals and values and traits.
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And because no two are the same,
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It is unrealistic to expect other people to behave in the same way you would in all situations.
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I think the key with all of this is a level of mindfulness.
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I mean, me and my promotion of mindfulness, okay?
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But it is true.
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A certain level of reflection is necessary to distinguish whether
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or not we're disappointed in somebody for a rational reason or for an irrational reason.
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And the only way to figure that out is to reflect
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and maybe even to talk about it with somebody and maybe even to journal about it,
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but to somehow figure it out because it is a complicated thing to navigate.
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And it can be easy to convince yourself that your unrealistic expectations are realistic,
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but I think it is a challenge that's worth taking on because it's not fun to have unrealistic expectations about people.
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It's not fun.
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You know, not only are other people being rejected by you possibly, but also you are suffering on a personal level.
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I would argue the one who suffers most from unrealistic expectations are actually the person who has the expectations.
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The other person who was expected to live up to set expectations probably will have an easier time moving on from,
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I mean, I guess that's unfair to assume, but I would argue that the haver of unrealistic expectations is the one who suffers most.
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Because if you're expecting too much out of people all the time, you will constantly be left disappointed.
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You know, expectation equals disappointment.
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This is like something every therapist will tell you, you know, when you expect things, you will end up disappointed.
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When you're open -minded about what comes to you, you will be left in a much happier headspace, regardless of the outcome.
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Constantly being disappointed in other people will leave you feeling unhappy.
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It'll leave you feeling a sense of hopelessness.
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It will make you miserable because you'll feel like everyone in the world sucks.
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When in reality, that's actually not true.
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It's just that everyone in the world is not perfect like you wanted them to be.
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In a way, that's sort of your doing.
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The way you see the world is not based on the world itself always.
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At times, we can convince ourselves that something is true.
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And then we can start to see the world in that way.
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So if you set your expectations too high and then nobody lives up to those expectations,
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and so you're constantly disappointed in the people around you,
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you might start to believe that everybody sucks because that's the world that you've created.
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But if you lower your expectations to a point that's more realistic and you're more open -minded about people's behavior
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and who they are as people, you'll find that you're much happier in a lot of ways.
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Because even when you do get disappointed, it's much less of a blow to you because you didn't expect anything to begin with.
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You were like, eh, we'll see what happens.
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I don't know.
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I don't know what this person's gonna be like.
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Or, you know, this person's personality is ever -changing and they could bring a new side of them to the table today.
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I don't know.
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And if you're constantly just open -minded and sort of flexible, then in a weird way,
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it's just much easier to be accepting of whatever they end up being.
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You know what I'm saying?
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Okay, now I'm getting, now I'm like getting a little wordy.
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Okay, my brain is starting to hurt from this.
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I also think that, you know,
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setting expectations too high for other people can be a sign of some issue in your mind.
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It could be a sign that you're relying on external sources for your happiness.
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When you're your own source of happiness, it's much easier to be resilient to the world around you
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and to the people around you because your foundation is so solid and it's within you
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you are in control of it but
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when you put the power into other people
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and you expect them to behave a certain way
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which will then result in your happiness then you're bound to be miserable
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If your happiness is in your hands and your contentment is in your hands,
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then you're much less reliant on other people's behaviors or whether
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or not they reach your expectation because you're already content with you.
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So it's much less of a blow if they disappoint you.
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It's much less of a blow if they make a little mistake
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or they're not what you expected them to be
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because you're not as emotionally invested because they're not providing you a sense of happiness.
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I'll give you an example of this.
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Let's say you're in a relationship
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with someone and you have a lot of expectations for them because subconsciously you're relying on them for your happiness.
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You know, you expect them to text you every morning and every night and say good morning and good night.
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And you expect them to answer their phone every time you call them.
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And you expect them to surprise you with flowers and surprise you with little dates on the beach like once a week.
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You have all these expectations that they're going to spoil you in a certain way.
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And they're going to shower you with attention.
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But in reality, they don't do that.
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Okay?
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Sometimes they don't text you before bed.
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Sometimes a month goes by
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and you guys don't have time to go on a date
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sometimes they don't surprise you to pick you up at the airport when you land from a flight.
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You know, sometimes they don't fulfill those fantasies, right?
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And whenever they don't fulfill one of those expectations, you are so upset.
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Okay, let's say one night you don't get a good night text from your significant other.
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And again, you expect them to, right?
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Because you think that that's the right thing to do.
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And yet you're not telling them that you have this expectation.
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You're just expecting it.
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And they don't text you good night.
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And you're waiting to go to sleep for them to text you good night first, because you want them to do it first.
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Then they don't do it and you're miserable.
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The next morning they text you and they're like, oh my God, sorry, I fell asleep.
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How are you?
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Good morning.
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And you're like, oh, okay.
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Well, like that was good.
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But they didn't text me.
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Like, why didn't they text me last night?
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And you're pissed at them and you're upset and you're disappointed and you're mad when in reality, expecting somebody to text you good morning
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and good night every single day is kind of an unrealistic expectation without some level of communication.
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You know, that might not be somebody's communication style.
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Like for example, I don't always text people, significant others, friends, parents.
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I don't always text people before I go to sleep, but I know some people who expect that out of their significant other.
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Yet, if they never asked for it, and they never communicated that that was a priority for them, they just expected it, then of course they're going to be left disappointed.
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And I think this is just a great example of how unrealistic expectations will leave you miserable all the time
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because you are weirdly subconsciously relying on that goodnight text to bring you a sense of happiness.
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And, you know, I have to admit, I've been like this before.
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My first relationship especially, I felt like I relied on them completely for my happiness.
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Their attention and their praise and their compliments to me,
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like, that was like my oxygen. So toxic.
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But that was my oxygen, okay?
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Like I needed that.
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And I had incredibly high expectations for them.
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And when they didn't live up to those expectations, I was beside myself.
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I was a mess.
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I was miserable.
406
I couldn't function.
407
Because all of my happiness relied on them meeting my expectations.
408
And it was this game in my head constantly.
409
Like, are they going to meet my expectations today?
410
Now, Now, what's interesting about that situation was I do feel like to a certain extent, they actually set the expectation because in the beginning of the relationship,
411
they treated me so well, you know, in a way, like they were like so above and beyond and then it all stopped, right?
412
I think a lot of people experience that.
413
So in a way, yeah, they sort of set that expectation, but in another way, I set that expectation too,
414
because I sort of took what they gave me in the beginning of the relationship
415
and decided that it was going to be like that forever.
416
When in reality, the honeymoon phase of a relationship is always going to be filled with more emotion and more attention and all of this.
417
Listen, I'm not saying that that was a good situation for me or whatever.
418
I'm not saying that that was not a good relationship, okay?
419
But I will take responsibility for my part in it and say,
420
yeah, like my, a lot of my happiness relied on them at the time
421
and my expectations were set way too high for them in a way
422
that they were never going to be able to meet.
423
I think there are a few things that you can do to try to maintain healthy expectations for people.
424
Obviously, as I've already said, number one is being mindful,
425
constantly checking in with yourself on what you expect from others and asking yourself where the expectations are coming from,
426
whether or not they're realistic, whether or not you would even be able to fulfill the expectations that you're setting for others, et cetera.
427
checking in with yourself and asking yourself questions, I think is one of the best things you can do.
428
But also I think taking your preconceived ideas about a person with a grain of salt is key as well.
429
We all have preconceived ideas about people we know and people we don't know.
430
And those ideas can create unrealistic expectations very easily.
431
And so I think if we remember that nothing is set in stone
432
and we take our preconceived ideas with a grain of salt
433
and be open to the idea that our preconceived ideas might end up being wrong eventually in some way,
434
we might be proven wrong by them, we might get disappointed by them,
435
then we're so much less likely to be disappointed because we're sort of anticipating any outcome i also think it's so huge
436
to be open -minded
437
when it comes to your perception of somebody you know be open to letting it evolve
438
and change over time i also think unrealistic expectations lack a level of empathy when someone doesn't live up to your expectations,
439
try to find empathy inside of you somewhere and empathize with the person for a minute.
440
But you might empathize with them and find, wait a minute, maybe they're struggling in their life right now and I don't know about it.
441
And that's why they behaved in the way that they did that I didn't like.
442
Or maybe they weren't raised in a way where they learned how to behave a certain way
443
or maybe they're just not wired the same way i am
444
and so they didn't automatically behave in the way i expected them to you know
445
when you empathize with someone you're able to sort of look deeper into what the root of something is
446
and you can't do that
447
when you're just looking on the surface level like let's go back to my grandma example from earlier.
448
You know, grandma yells at you for the first time ever, and she's always this sweet angel, and it's just so weird, okay?
449
But the reason why she was on edge was because she got $50 ,000 stolen from her from the bank, okay?
450
That's why she freaked out, okay?
451
That's why she was in a bad mood.
452
From the surface level, you might think, well, grandma sucks now know, fuck grandma.
453
I don't fucking fuck grandma.
454
But then in reality, it's like, no, she's going through something.
455
And you never even asked grandma what she's going through to ask why she
456
exploded with anger in a way that was out of character.
457
You know what I'm saying?
458
Before jumping to conclusions, it's important to empathize with others
459
and also to communicate with them
460
if it makes sense to ask them like hey why did you do this
461
or why are you like this or whatever
462
it never hurts to communicate respectfully and it never hurts to empathize even
463
if you come to a conclusion
464
that you're done with somebody they're out of your life you're
465
done with them it always makes sense to empathize first at least for a moment
466
and last but not least focus on being the source of your own fulfillment in happiness.
467
Now, I know happiness is complicated, right?
468
Because happiness is such an abstract, complicated thing.
469
It's so not easy to describe or to, I don't know.
470
There's a lot of talk about happiness, right?
471
Like be the source of your own happiness.
472
Now, I think we all know what that means, right?
473
Like finding fulfillment within yourself, not searching externally for happiness, but happiness is complicated because it's not a constant in our lives.
474
It's always coming and going.
475
And the source of it is always a little mysterious to us, you know, but I think we all kind of know what I mean
476
when I say to focus on being the source of our own happiness and fulfillment.
477
Like we have the ability to lean on ourselves for emotional fulfillment.
478
It's not easy to do that.
479
It takes a lot of mindfulness and practice and growing to get to a place like that, but it's absolutely possible.
480
And I think making that a goal for yourself, you know, making it a goal to not rely on others as a source of happiness can be
481
so helpful when it comes to keeping the expectations that we have for people.
482
realistic.
483
When you are the source of your own fulfillment and happiness, you're much less likely to create unrealistic expectations for other people.
484
I don't know, you guys, that's just freaking me.
485
Okay.
486
That's just me.
487
I'm literally sweating my ass off.
488
Oh my God.
489
Why am I sweating?
490
Like, I don't know.
491
I'm sweating.
492
I'm totally sweating right now.
493
Well, I'm actually, I know to film the podcast,
494
if you're watching the video version of this episode,
495
then you can see me and I'm properly well lit by a professional light
496
and that light gets really hot and I'm wearing a sweater.
497
So I'm just sweating, but also funny story.
498
So I was at the nail salon yesterday and I was like, okay, I want this sort of creamy yellow color.
499
Like that's what I want this week, creamy yellow color.
500
And so my nail artist goes and gets the color, right?
501
And I look at the bottle and the name of the nail polish is blinded by the ring light.
502
And I'm like, this is a little bit too fucking real for me today, babe.
503
This is a little too real for me because I really am just blinded by the fricking ring light.
504
Like what am I doing right now?
505
I'm blinded by the ring light.
506
Okay.
507
There's a, well, it's not exactly a ring light, but there is something very similar to a ring light lighting me right now, blinding me.
508
And so this nail color is just so fitting, but I am, I am embarrassed by it.
509
The nail color names are getting a little bit too real.
510
They're getting a little bit too current.
511
Anyway, thank you all for listening.
512
Thank you all for hanging out.
513
As always, please let me know what you think.
514
You can tweet me at AG podcast, or you can message me on Instagram at anything goes.
515
You can follow me on Instagram.
516
If you want to see me as a person at Emma Chamberlain,
517
you can check out my coffee company, chamberlaincoffee .com use code AG15 for a little discount.
518
You can listen to new episodes of Anything Goes every Thursday and every Sunday.
519
Come and hang out whenever you want, okay?
520
My arms are wide open for you.
521
Come hang out whenever.
522
I'm always here, ready to hang, okay?
523
And that's all I have for today.
524
I love and appreciate all of you.
525
And I will talk to you soon.
526
I need to turn off my ring light.
527
Okay.
528
Love you all.
הורד אפליקציה
כל מה שאתה צריך כדי לדבר בשטף
הגיית AIציון לכל משפט
תרגול IPAשלוט בכל צליל
אוצר מיליםבנה את מאגר המילים שלך
משחק אוצר מיליםלמד תוך כדי משחק
אותו ערוץ
B11
growing is so uncomfortable lol
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B252
its time to have a conversation with them
Daily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B212
its not about not caring
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B26
relationships change us
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
B28
never say never
American AccentBusiness EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B210
friendship breakups and boundaries, advice session
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B217
existential crisis, advice session
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B25
finding comfort in yourself, advice session
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B21
social life, success, and sleep
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B15
my quiet morning routine and other things i like rn
American AccentTeensDaily ConversationHigh School Students
B27
a talk with kendall jenner
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bittersweet
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B1underestimated relationship red flags
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B2are you living for you?
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B2i feel like my life is boring and it scares me
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FOR YOU
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אוצר מילים והערות הגייה לשיעור הזה
שיעור הדיבור הזה ברמה B2 מבוסס על הסרטון “lower your expectations about people”. בסרטון הזה יש 528 משפטים ו-6565 מילים לתרגול Shadowing. הדיבור נמשך 42:39. הדובר מדבר בקצב טבעי של כ-154 מילים בדקה, קרוב לשיחה יומיומית. 86% מהמילים נמצאות בין 3,000 המילים הנפוצות ביותר באנגלית; כדאי ללמוד את השאר לפני שמתחילים.
אוצר מילים מרכזי בסרטון הזה
15 המילים המתקדמות ביותר בסרטון, עם ההגייה והמשמעות שלהן:
| מילה | הגייה | משמעות |
|---|---|---|
| grandma שם עצם | /ˈɡɹænmɑː/ | סָבְתָא |
| realistic שם תואר | /ˌɹɪəˈlɪs.tɪk/ | רֵיאָלִיסְטִי |
| crush פועל | /kɹʌʃ/ | מחץ |
| pedestal שם עצם | /ˈpɛdɪstəl/ | כַּן |
| disappoint פועל | /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪnt/ | אכזב |
| behave פועל | /bɪˈheɪv/ | הִתְנַהֵג |
| miserable שם תואר | /ˈmɪz(ə)ɹəbəl/ | אֻמְלָל, מסכן |
| sweat פועל | /swɛt/ | הִזִּיעַ |
| mindfulness שם עצם | /ˈmaɪn(d)fʊlnəs/ | מיינדפולנס |
| fulfill פועל | /fʊlˈfɪl/ | קִיֵּם |
| illusion שם עצם | /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/ | אַשְׁלָיָה |
| empathy שם עצם | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | אֶמְפַּתְיָה |
| explode פועל | /ɪkˈsploʊd/ | הִתְפּוֹצֵץ |
| yell פועל | /jɛl/ | צָרַח |
| tendency שם עצם | /ˈtɛn.dən.si/ | נטייה \ נְטִיָּה |
Phrasal verbs שתשמעו
| מילה | משמעות |
|---|---|
| check out פועל | בדק |
| figure out פועל | הֵבִין, מצא תשובה |
| turn off פועל | כיבה, כִּבָּה |
משפטים שכדאי לחזור עליהם
משפטים קצרים ושלמים מהסרטון שאפשר להשתמש בהם בשיחה יומיומית:
- You know what I'm saying?
- I'll give you an example.
- Let's talk about your grandma.
- You don't like her anymore.
- You know what I mean?
דקדוק בסרטון הזה
המבנים שהדובר משתמש בהם הכי הרבה, עם המילים המדויקות מהסרטון:
| מבנה | בסרטון |
|---|---|
| הווה מושלם (Present perfect) have/has + past participle — פעולה שקרתה בעבר ועדיין יש לה חשיבות או השפעה עכשיו | has never raised · they've earned · they've accomplished |
| סביל (Passive voice) be + past participle — הדגש הוא על מה שקורה, לא על מי שעושה את הפעולה | be treated · isn't seen · are already put |
| משפטי זיקה (Relative clauses) who / which + clause — מידע נוסף על אדם או דבר | person who didn · people that are · one who is |
הגייה ששווה לשים לב אליה
הדובר משתמש ב-237 קיצורים וצורות מקוצרות, כמו don't, you're, they're. אמרו אותם בצורה הקצרה, כפי שאתם שומעים אותם.
- הצלילים של “th”: empathize /ˈɛmpəˌθaɪz/, empathy /ˈɛmpəθi/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/, mathematics /mæθ(.ə)ˈmæt.ɪks/
- הצלילים של “sh” ו-“zh”: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, crush /kɹʌʃ/, illusion /ɪˈl(j)uːʒ(ə)n/, perception /pɚˈsɛpʃ(ə)n/, emotion /ɪˈməʊ.ʃən/
- מילים ארוכות — שימו לב להטעמה: expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, miserable /ˈmɪz(ə)ɹəbəl/, underrated /ʌn.dɚˈɹeɪ.təd/, morality /məˈɹælɪti/, disappointment /ˌdɪsəˈpɔɪntmənt/
צלילים שדוברי עברית מתקשים בהם:
- /w/ — שפתיים מעוגלות, לא /v/: sweat /swɛt/, whichever /wɪt͡ʃˈɛvɚ/, sweater /ˈswɛtɚ/, distinguish /dɪˈstɪŋ.ɡwɪʃ/, tweet /ˈtwiːt/
- /æ/ — פתוח יותר מה-“אֶ” העברית, לא כמו “a” ב-“cup”: grandma /ˈɡɹænmɑː/, blank /ˈblæŋk/, podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, navigate /ˈnæv.ɪ.ɡeɪt/, morality /məˈɹælɪti/
- /r/ — הלשון לא נוגעת בשום מקום, לא ה-“ר” הגרונית: grandma /ˈɡɹænmɑː/, realistic /ˌɹɪəˈlɪs.tɪk/, crush /kɹʌʃ/, miserable /ˈmɪz(ə)ɹəbəl/, preconceived /ˌpɹiːkənˈsiːvd/
איך לתרגל עם הסרטון הזה
- הקשיבו לכל הסרטון פעם אחת בלי לדבר, ורשמו את המילים שאתם לא מכירים.
- התחילו במהירות 0.75×, תרגלו Shadowing משפט אחר משפט, וחזרו למהירות רגילה כשזה מרגיש קל.
- הקליטו את עצמכם והשוו למקור, תוך תשומת לב למילים כמו grandma, realistic, crush.
מהי טכניקת השאדואינג?
שאדואינג היא טכניקת למידת שפה מבוססת מדע שפותחה במקור להכשרת מתורגמנים מקצועיים ופופולרית על ידי הפוליגלוט ד"ר אלכסנדר ארגואלס. השיטה פשוטה אך עוצמתית: אתה מקשיב לאודיו באנגלית ילידית וחוזר עליו בקול רם מיד — כמו צל העוקב אחרי הדובר עם עיכוב של 1–2 שניות בלבד. בניגוד להאזנה פסיבית או תרגילי דקדוק, שאדואינג מכריח את המוח והשרירים בפה לעבד ולשחזר דפוסי דיבור אמיתיים בו זמנית. מחקרים מראים שזה משפר משמעותית את דיוק ההגייה, האינטונציה, הקצב, הדיבור המחובר, הבנת השמיעה ושטף הדיבור — מה שהופך אותו לאחת השיטות היעילות ביותר להכנה לIELTS Speaking ולתקשורת באנגלית בעולם האמיתי.