शैडोइंग अभ्यास: Why “Good Parenting” Creates Clingy Kids - वीडियो के साथ अंग्रेजी बोलना सीखें
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हर मोड पूरी स्क्रीन का अभ्यास कक्ष खोलता है।
156 वाक्य
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It feels like there's an unspoken rule in modern parenting that to be a good mom or dad, you have to be on 24 -7.
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The coach, the cheerleader, the referee, and sometimes the playmate.
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All day, every single day.
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And if you actually pull it off, you become the perfectly engaged parent that's always available.
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And you tend to get rewarded with a kid who seems like can't play alone for 30 seconds.
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You know the feeling, you finally sit down for an email or a coffee or just to watch your show.
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And then within 30 seconds, there's a small person who needs your attention right away
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and every parent of a toddler knows it
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and it does come with this what feels like quiet guilt
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because it feels like the harder you try to be a present parent than the clingier those kids get
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and most of the internet will say it's a phase and
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that they'll grow out of it
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but that's that's not actually what the research says for a lot of us the clinginess isn't a phase
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that we're just going to be able to wait out it's a habit
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that we end up accidentally training onto our kids and it's not
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because we're too involved i think there's plenty of deeply involved parents
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that have wildly independent kids but there's four specific things
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that feel like the best parenting on earth but
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that are quietly teaching our kids one lesson look i've got two boys
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and i'm very guilty of doing almost all of these things
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if not all four of them
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but it's it's i think it's just good to be aware
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because once you see them it's hard to unsee
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and then you can kind of catch yourself in the act the first thing the interruption the first one happens
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when your kid is doing the exact thing that you want
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which is just playing they are totally locked in in their own little world.
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This psychologist, whose name I'm not going to say, called it flow.
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It's when that time disappears when you're just like in deep focus mode.
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And with little kids, we see this happen when they're playing, stacking cups, lining up cars, or even just watching a bug for 10 minutes straight.
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To them, it's not nothing.
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It's really deep work.
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What do we do the second we see it as parents?
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We tend to commentate.
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Wow, look at that big tower or oh, what color is that?
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And our heart's the right place because we want to connect with our kids but what actually happens is that focus
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disappears it's not that it gets redirected it's just gone
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and there's a name for this move too that researchers call intrusiveness
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which is basically
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when we steer kids play towards what we want instead of what they're actually doing in
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that moment in time
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and in study after study it tracks towards weaker self -control
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as kids get older now you didn't mean to we mean well as parents
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but you just taught them that the best part of playing is the moment
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that they stop and look at you for attention.
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Now, the advice here isn't to ignore your kid.
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I think answering them when they reach for it, when they're asking and looking for input is the whole point, but it's when they're specifically locked in that you don't want to interrupt them or teach them to look for that praise.
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When they're locked in, let them stay locked in.
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Let them keep doing their own thing.
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And as hard as it might be, try not to just jump in because unless they give you that invitation, because you want to be responding instead of yanking them out of something good.
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Now, the second thing, good job.
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Now, this is the one that I'm probably most guilty of because even if I'm good at not interrupting them, the first thing I do when my kids hold up a drawing or show me something that they're proud of,
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it's an automatic good job.
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And I think a lot of people here in the States, especially, we say it a hundred times a day.
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And on this one, the research is pretty clear, actually.
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It's not on our side to do that.
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And Carol Dweck's team at Stanford ran six separate studies.
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Kids that are praised for being smart.
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The moment that they hit something hard, they quit faster and enjoyed it less and did worse than kids who are praised for their effort.
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And it's not just older kids in a lab.
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In one study specifically, researchers recorded parents praising their one to three -year -olds at home.
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And the toddlers who heard more effort praise had a healthier relationship with a challenge five years later.
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And there's a simple reason for this, because when you praise the result of, you're so smart, what a beautiful painting or good job,
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your kids start performing for your reaction instead of their own curiosity.
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And the worst part of it is they get scared to do hard things
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because failing might cost them that smart badge
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and now the fix isn't to stop cheering them on
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or telling them good job i think we're all going to
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do this parents i think it's to aim towards the process it's not wow you're
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so smart but rather it's a you didn't give up on
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that one not a beautiful painting but how'd you land on using all
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that you're telling them that the thing
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that counts is what they did not whether you approved it
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or not and now the third one i call this one the house
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that says no the third one's a little different
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because it's not really got anything to do with what you say
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but more of the environment
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that your kids are in toddlers learn the world by grabbing
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it that's the literal job description they will grab anything and
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so if we look at how we build our homes
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and how we structure things around babies even after baby proofing there's
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so many breakables cords and just a hundred things
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that they're not allowed to touch
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so you as a parent almost spend the whole day as a human guardrail just trailing them around
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and you become what I like to call the department of no. And from down there at their height, all of those no's can add up to one lesson.
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They can't take two steps without getting stopped and that they can't trust this place to not break something.
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And that's something that they learn and grow with.
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Now we've done a lot of videos on Montessori, which I'll link up here.
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But.. that world has had an answer for this entire situation and what they call the prepared environment.
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And the educator, Janet Lansbury, calls the home version a yes space, where it's one zone or just one corner of the room or even a playroom where every single object is safe.
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It's not just a, can I touch this or can I do this?
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Your kid knows that anything in that room is fair game.
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It sounds like a small thing, but give a kid a place where they can explore without hearing the word no, and you're giving them the autonomy that research keeps finding that
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that basically says kids with real safe independence are more capable
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and less anxious because they cling less
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because the room finally stopped saying no they knew it was safe
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and number four another one
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that i am just terrible at probably bad at most of these
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but number four is the rescue and it's one of the hardest ones
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because it bites a real instinct that you have as a parent
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when your kid is losing a fight with a shoe
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or it's on the wrong foot or just something
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that they're trying to overcome you want to step in
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and fix it and again this is the one
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that i'm the worst at especially when it comes to shoes
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because it's faster for us to get out the door
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if i just put the shoes on and
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when i do this i'm doing what researchers call be a
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little bit dramatic of a name learn helplessness though the cleaner
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science is about self -efficacy a kid's growing sense of i can affect my own world
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and i can do this on my own is what really matters
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because we don't want to quietly say
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that i don't think you can do this or solve this
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and there's real evidence underneath it
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because kids have more controlling you know take over parents tend to develop weaker self -regulation
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and that struggle that we keep interrupting is where
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that i can do this myself is supposed to learn
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and grow from as your kids get older my rule of thumb especially
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when i see my kids hit the wall
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or struggling with something is to try to wait for at least 30 seconds
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because that frustration is where
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that growth is happening it's reps that's what we want them to do
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and that's what we want them to get more of as they get older.
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And then when they do finally ask, I think it's also not immediately jumping in to do it for them.
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I think it's just making comments of, you know, shoes are hard, but just sitting with them in the hard moment
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and then helping them try it a little bit differently and helping them think about the solution differently, where you can see that growth and you can see them working with it
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and solving it and just being so proud of themselves that they were actually able to get it done.
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Now, all four of these come from the safe place.
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And it's not from a place of not caring as a parent, but it's from caring so much that you don't want to watch your kids struggle, get things wrong, or just be bored.
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Every one of these habits and things that even I do and that other parents do, I think it comes from a place of love.
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It's just that it's love kind of pointing in the wrong direction.
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And that's really hard, especially when your kids are so little
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and you just want to be there for them to make it easier.
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But a kid doesn't build confidence by watching us be brilliant at what they think is just really hard.
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I think they build it in that space that we leave for them to figure out themselves.
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So if we close those gaps for them, we don't give them a safe space to learn.
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The answer becomes that they rely on us, right?
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That's where they get clingy because they're trained and taught
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and basically told that the job is that we as parents are everything to our kids.
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And it's not.
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The job as a parent, which is really hard to sometimes take and strange, almost sad version of it, is
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that we have to make ourselves a little bit unnecessary to
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raise somebody who one day doesn't need us hovering three feet behind them.
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You don't get there by doing more for your kids.
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You get there by now and then just doing nothing, letting them figure it out until they've got it.
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So for this week, try to pick one of these
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that stuck with you the most and loosen your grip just a little bit on it.
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Whether they're in deep, quiet focus and playing with a toy, or if they're trying to do something and watching them like lose a battle with a zipper or a pair of shoes,
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just watch what they do in that space that you give them to figure it out on their own.
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I know for me, I'm definitely working on the rescue.
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That's something I need to be better at taking a step back and just letting them solve it.
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But what about you?
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Tell me one thing that you're working on or one thing
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that you found the most impactful and insightful that you want to try to change to.
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And if there's something else that you found that has helped you throughout this journey, let us know in the comments below.
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Thanks for being here.
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We'll see you on the next one.
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इस पाठ की शब्दावली और बोलने के सुझाव
इस वीडियो में शैडोइंग के लिए 156 वाक्य और 2080 शब्द हैं। बोला गया हिस्सा 9:08 लंबा है। वक्ता तेज़ बोलता है, लगभग 228 शब्द प्रति मिनट, इसलिए जुड़ी हुई और कमज़ोर ध्वनियाँ ज़्यादा मिलेंगी। 89% शब्द अंग्रेज़ी के 3,000 सबसे आम शब्दों में से हैं, इसलिए शब्दावली आसान है।
इस वीडियो की मुख्य शब्दावली
वीडियो के 15 कम प्रचलित शब्द, उच्चारण और अर्थ के साथ:
- praise /pɹeɪz/ (क्रिया) — सराहना करना, तारीफ़ करना. To give praise to; to commend, glorify, or worship.
- shoe /ˈʃu/ (संज्ञा) — जूता. A protective covering for the foot, with a bottom part composed of thick leather or plastic sole and often a thicker heel, and a softer upper part made of…
- solve /sɒlv/ (क्रिया) — सुलझाना, हल करना. To find an answer or solution to a problem or question; to work out.
- researcher /ˈɹiˌsɝ.t͡ʃɚ/ (संज्ञा) — शोधकर्ता, शोधक. One who researches.
- interrupt /ˌɪntəˈɹʌpt/ (क्रिया) — टोकना. To disturb or halt (an ongoing process or action, or the person performing it) by interfering suddenly, especially by speaking.
- rescue /ˈɹɛs.kjuː/ (क्रिया) — बचाना. To save from any violence, danger or evil.
- lesson /ˈlɛs.ən/ (संज्ञा) — पाठ, सबक़. A section of learning or teaching into which a wider learning content is divided.
- habit /ˈhæb.ɪt/ (संज्ञा) — अभ्यास, आदत. An action performed on a regular basis.
- quietly /ˈkwaɪ.ɪt.li/ (क्रिया विशेषण) — चुपके. Producing little or no noise.
- disappear /dɪsəˈpɪɹ/ (क्रिया) — मिटना, ग़ायब होना. To vanish.
- ignore /ɪɡˈnɔː/ (क्रिया) — उपेक्षा, उपेक्षा करना. To deliberately not listen or pay attention to.
- gap /ɡæp/ (संज्ञा) — अंतर. An opening in anything, made by breaking or parting.
- trail /tɹeɪl/ (संज्ञा) — रास्ता. The track or indication marking the route followed by something that has passed, such as the footprints of animal on land or the contrail of an airplane in the…
- regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/ (संज्ञा) — विनियम. The act of regulating or the condition of being regulated.
- automatic /ˌɔː.təˈmæt.ɪk/ (विशेषण) — स्वचालित, ऑटोमैटिक. Capable of operating without external control or intervention.
वीडियो में आने वाली फ़्रेज़ल वर्ब
- look at (क्रिया) — हेरना. To observe or watch.
- look for (क्रिया) — ढूँढ़ना, ढूँढना. To seek.
- think about /ˈθɪŋk əˌbaʊt/ (क्रिया) — चिंतन करना. To ponder.
ध्यान देने योग्य उच्चारण
वक्ता 50 बार संक्षिप्त रूपों का प्रयोग करता है, जैसे they're, I'm, don't। इन्हें वैसे ही छोटा बोलें जैसा आप सुनते हैं।
- “th” की ध्वनियाँ: underneath /ˌʌndɚˈniθ/, thumb /ˈθʌm/
- “sh” और “zh” की ध्वनियाँ: shoe /ˈʃu/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, invitation /ɪnvɪˈteɪʃən/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/, frustration /fɹʌsˈtɹeɪ.ʃən/
- लंबे शब्द — बलाघात सही रखें: differently /ˈdɪf.ə.ɹənt.li/, regulation /ˌɹɛɡjʊˈleɪʃən/, automatic /ˌɔː.təˈmæt.ɪk/, accidentally /ˌæk.sɪˈdɛnt(ə)li/, unnecessary /ʌnˈnɛs.əˌsɛɹ.i/
इस वीडियो से अभ्यास कैसे करें
- पहले बिना बोले पूरा वीडियो एक बार सुनें और जो शब्द नहीं आते उन्हें लिख लें।
- 0.75× गति से शुरू करें, एक-एक वाक्य की शैडोइंग करें, और सहज लगने पर सामान्य गति पर लौटें।
- अपनी आवाज़ रिकॉर्ड करें और मूल से तुलना करें, ख़ासकर praise, shoe, solve जैसे शब्दों पर ध्यान दें।
इस वीडियो का व्याकरण
वक्ता जिन संरचनाओं का सबसे अधिक प्रयोग करता है, वीडियो के असली शब्दों के साथ:
| संरचना | वीडियो में |
|---|---|
| Relative clauses who / which + उपवाक्य — व्यक्ति या वस्तु के बारे में अतिरिक्त जानकारी | kid who seems · person who needs · kids who are |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — बीता हुआ काम जिसका असर अभी भी है | we've done · has had · has helped |
| Passive voice be + past participle — ज़ोर इस पर कि क्या होता है, न कि कौन करता है | are praised |
शैडोइंग तकनीक क्या है?
शैडोइंग (Shadowing) एक विज्ञान-समर्थित भाषा सीखने की तकनीक है जो मूल रूप से पेशेवर दुभाषिया प्रशिक्षण के लिए विकसित की गई थी। विधि सरल लेकिन शक्तिशाली है: आप मूल अंग्रेज़ी ऑडियो सुनते हैं और तुरंत इसे ज़ोर से दोहराते हैं — जैसे वक्ता की छाया 1-2 सेकंड की देरी से। शोध से पता चलता है कि यह उच्चारण सटीकता, स्वर, लय, जुड़ी हुई ध्वनियाँ, सुनने की समझ और बोलने की प्रवाहशीलता में काफ़ी सुधार करता है।