Shadowing Practice: How to Set Boundaries at Home and at Work Without the Guilt - Learn English Speaking with Video
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This morning in our series Life Lessons, we are talking about the importance of setting boundaries, whether it's at work or at home with loved ones.
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Speaking up for our needs can help create healthier relationships.
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Psychotherapist and author Nero Feliciano is going to walk us through it.
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We're lucky she's here.
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Good morning.
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Good morning.
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Great to see you.
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Okay, here's the thing though.
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This is hard, right?
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To set boundaries, to say things that you need.
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You can feel guilty about it, especially I think probably when it's home and loved ones.
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How can we get over that and do something
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that is healthy for us first of all you know i love me a boundary is my favorite b word
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so but it is so hard for people
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because they often perceive boundaries as unkind and inflexible
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but it's actually quite the opposite boundaries are a love language for ourselves
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and for everyone else because when we can protect our limits mentally
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and physically we show up better for people we feel more connected
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and here's the tip anyone who has issues with your boundaries they're the people who benefited from you not having them
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you know in fact how do you set them
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and i know personal boundaries are important
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but to your point those work boundaries you know those people
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who who benefit whether it's the boss who's sending you emails
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late late in the evening we're going to talk about
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that yeah so so how do we set healthy boundaries
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so here's some guidelines first we have to identify where do we need boundaries so any area of our life, relationship or situational, where we feel exhausted,
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depleted, resentful, that's a bigger one.
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There's likely a boundary that needed to be set that wasn't.
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We want to use I statements, not you, you, you that puts people on the defensive, but we're not controlling other people's behavior.
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We're defining our limits.
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And clear and direct, no convoluted explanations.
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No one wants to hear about your grandmother's cat
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that had eye surgery
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so you couldn't show up to the bar mitzvah we overshare yeah we overshare clear
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and kind so tone is also important like this dylan i would love to come
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but i i have a commitment
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that night thank you for thinking of me you know you felt loved
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but right i'm a problem yeah
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but that's fine i define my limit i'm not coming
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so let's go through some other prompts here let's start off with family
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and friends how can we tell the people we love we
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need some space big one especially for people who are a
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little overbearing i need to take some time for myself right now
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and find a better balance in my life okay what
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if someone is asking too many personal questions
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and we want to set a limit around a certain topic we all know people like
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that so two ways one we can deflect it no one wants to hear about me right now
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but tell me where did you get that fabulous dress
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or for some people we have to be more explicit i am not talking about my relationship status this tonight.
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So if someone brings it up, I'm going to change the topic, or I might have to leave.
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It seems so simple.
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But how do you get to that?
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Yeah.
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How do you get to that?
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So that you can define it simply.
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One, you have to know your limits.
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Again, what triggers you?
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What makes you feel stressed?
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Where are your limits?
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What are you okay with?
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What can you give in that moment?
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What about for that person who just offers too much advice?
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You just don't need it or want it.
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Every well -meaning auntie in every family.
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Yes, we can say, I appreciate your concern, but I've thought about this and I've figured it out.
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But what would help me is if you listened and supported my decision.
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So we're saying what we don't want, but also what we need to feel closer to each other.
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All right.
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What about in the workplace?
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Let's say you just feel like you have way too much on your plate.
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How do you communicate that? just
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so many people these days we can say given all of our deadlines right now this is
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when i can get you that information on monday oh
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and you're just like out of the gate setting expectations yes you are what about
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when somebody in these stressful work situations is rude to you
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oh this we get a lot right we can say i really want to have this conversation with you
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but when you are calm and can talk to me respectfully
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and funny thing i was saying this out loud my husband was like oh I've heard
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that a lot because I use boundaries it protects our relationships
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and that's it ensures the longevity of a relationship
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so what do you do
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when you're on the receiving end of somebody who's taken your
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advice about boundaries how do you how do you receive that
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and respond and if you feel like oh why are they not meeting my needs in
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that moment yes I want you to think about putting yourself in their shoes
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and practicing some empathy what are they going through right now where they're saying they can't do something
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or what they need from me we have to think about protecting their limits too
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and think about them doing that for themselves
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and also extend to them the grace you want for yourself sure
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when you need to set a limit with someone else
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because sometimes we feel like we're being rejected that's right we do yeah
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and that's why the tone is important when i said that to you I'm still coming across as kind and loving, but just explaining where my limit is.
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I want to put you in my pocket.
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No, I know.
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Pocket in a row.
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I'll take you along for all my social situations.
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I'll just come along.
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Little in a row, bring her out.
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What should I say?
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Texts that need a response.
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I'm overwhelmed.
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I don't know what to do.
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That would be great.
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You are the best.
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Obviously, we love you.
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Thank you so much.
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Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze spreekles is gebaseerd op de video “How to Set Boundaries at Home and at Work Without the Guilt”. Deze woorden komen het vaakst terug: boundaries, limit, relationship. Deze video bevat 107 zinnen en 1078 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 5:29. De spreker praat snel, ongeveer 196 woorden per minuut, dus reken op verbonden en ingeslikte klanken. 87% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is goed te volgen.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
15 woorden uit de video die het leren waard zijn, met uitspraak en betekenis:
| Woord | Uitspraak | Betekenis |
|---|---|---|
| boundary zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | grens |
| define werkwoord | /dɪˈfaɪn/ | bepalen, determineren |
| tone zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈtəʊn/ | toon, noot |
| topic zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | onderwerp, thema |
| pocket zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈpɑ.kɪt/ | zak |
| gate zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈɡeɪ̯t/ | poort |
| explanation zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | verklaring, toelichting |
| commitment zelfstandig naamwoord | /kəˈmɪtmənt/ | verbintenis, verplichting |
| connect werkwoord | /kəˈnɛkt/ | verbinden |
| defensive bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/ | defensief, beschermend |
| extend werkwoord | /ɛkˈstɛnd/ | uitbreiden |
| physically bijwoord | /ˈfɪz.ɪ.kli/ | lichamelijk |
| wherever | /(h)wɛɹˈɛvɚ/ | waar, waar ook |
| rude bijvoeglijk naamwoord | /ɹuːd/ | grof, onbeschoft |
| trigger zelfstandig naamwoord | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | trekker |
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
| Woord | Betekenis |
|---|---|
| come across werkwoord | overkomen |
| show up werkwoord | tentoonstellen |
Zinnen om te herhalen
Korte, volledige zinnen uit de video die je in alledaagse gesprekken kunt gebruiken:
- How do you get to that?
- What makes you feel stressed?
- What are you okay with?
- What can you give in that moment?
- How do you communicate that?
Grammatica in deze video
De structuren die de spreker het meest gebruikt, met de exacte woorden uit de video:
| Structuur | In de video |
|---|---|
| Betrekkelijke bijzinnen who / which + zin — extra informatie over een persoon of ding | anyone who has · people who are · person who just |
| Present perfect have/has + voltooid deelwoord — iets uit het verleden dat nu nog telt | I've thought · I've heard |
| Lijdende vorm be + voltooid deelwoord — het gaat om wat er gebeurt, niet om wie het doet | be set · being rejected |
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 26 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals we're, I'm, don't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, shoe /ˈʃu/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, situational /sɪtjuːˈeɪʃənəl/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, longevity /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/
Klanken die Nederlandstaligen lastig vinden:
- Stemhebbende eindmedeklinker — /b/, /d/, /g/, /z/, /v/ niet verscherpen: defensive /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/, extend /ɛkˈstɛnd/, rude /ɹuːd/, perceive /pɚˈsiv/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/
- /æ/ — opener dan de Nederlandse “e”: podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, fabulous /ˈfæbjʊləs/, auntie /ˈæn.ti/
- /g/ — een harde plofklank, geen Nederlandse “g”: gate /ˈɡeɪ̯t/, trigger /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/, exhaust /ɪɡˈzɔst/, guideline /ˈɡaɪdˌlaɪn/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als boundary, define, tone.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.