Shadowing Practice: Why Every Couple Struggles With Closeness and Distance - Learn English Speaking with Video
Les maken...
1
In the life of every couple and individual lies a tension between two central and contrasting needs.
2
The need for togetherness on the one hand and for separateness on the other.
3
We all want at one level a lot of togetherness.
4
We want to merge bodies, to sleep tightly entwined, to share every moment, to break down the barrier between I and you,
5
to get back to what we all had at the start, complete union with someone else.
6
But at another level we also very much want and need separateness.
7
We have to maintain our integrity.
8
We need time to think alone.
9
We have to be ready to meet the obstacles and challenges of our working lives unaided.
10
We want to get on with our projects and friendships.
11
If we try to represent these two contrasting wishes with a motoring metaphor,
12
we might say that there is in every love story an accelerator that points to togetherness and a brake that creates distance.
13
We might also say that whenever a couple gets into trouble, it's in some way because the accelerator and brake functions have proved difficult.
14
There is a muddle, there is exaggeration, no one is speaking about who is doing what and how.
15
Ideally, both people can toggle gently and adroitly between brake and accelerator.
16
They discuss, consciously and with kindness, their wishes for space and closeness.
17
A period of intense togetherness can be followed, gracefully, by some distance.
18
They can say, after a night of lovemaking and chat, let's spend tomorrow apart.
19
They don't turn their fear of abandonment into a terror of persecution.
20
They aren't so embarrassed about their need for separateness or afraid of the other's anger that they lapse into evasion or silence.
21
But sadly, too often, things come very unstuck around brakes and accelerators.
22
One person can't ever use the brake gently.
23
They jerkily put an ocean between themselves and the partner that panics the other, who slams the accelerator in turn.
24
One person has to carry all the yearning and need.
25
The other gets to seem indifferent and aloof.
26
One person is very, very hungry.
27
The other person has to be in an anorexic fast, which is unfair on both of them.
28
One person carries a fear that the moment they so much whisper that they need a bit of space, they'll set off fury in their partner.
29
They can't find a way to admit to the humble, key and serene truth.
30
They both, without being sadistic, need togetherness and separateness.
31
At times, the wish for separateness can manifest itself in affairs or manic use of pornography or alcohol.
32
Rather than being able to say, and before that to think, I'm in danger of being overwhelmed, the person acts out their wish for distance in a pain -inducing form.
33
They start to message an ex.
34
They use work as an excuse to spend a long time out of the house.
35
They develop an obsession with sailing or fishing.
36
Their symptoms jump into their bodies.
37
They become unable to sleep anywhere near their partner.
38
They can't orgasm with them.
39
Sound use of brakes and accelerators is something that we should, if things go well, learn in childhood.
40
It begins with mothers.
41
They are initially entirely merged, quite literally, with their offspring.
42
It's an enormous effort for them to give birth and then to let go, to let the child have its own wishes, its own preferences, its own moods,
43
to allow the child to be separate without persecuting it.
44
How tempting to hold the child too tightly or exile them.
45
For their part, small children don't make any of this easy.
46
They natively press the accelerator very hard.
47
They may want to marry mummy.
48
They want to spend all their time with daddy.
49
They refuse to go to school.
50
They don't want a sibling.
51
It takes a lot of gentle, kindly care to help the child to find their way to separateness without too much humiliation or fear.
52
A co -parent, who may or may not be dad, can be helpful.
53
Humour comes in handy one might call jokes the perfect way to handle the tension between accelerator and brake.
54
In adult life, the opposite of braking and accelerating willy -nilly is thinking.
55
If we can think about all of this, we're spared the drama of having to act rashly or obscurely.
56
We can say with love, I think we might both need some space after last night, or I think we need to see each other before we both get scared.
57
The couple can get close and then take distance without becoming daunted or mean.
58
The couple can laugh about how tricky it is to get text messaging or sleeping arrangements right.
59
They learn how to drive without careering the car of love off the road.
📺 Zelfde Kanaal
C17
The Secret to a Calm Life
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
How To Simplify Your Life
Business EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
The Childish Behavior That Ruins Adult Relationships
Daily ConversationWorking Adults
C150
Don't Despair
British AccentUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B248
What is The School of Life?
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C113
What Years of Heartbreak Actually Teach Us
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B26
Why Heartbroken People Make the Best Lovers
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B22
Why Some Breakups Hurt So Much More Than Others
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C111
When Love Isn't Easy
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B26
Who Dreams of the Greatest Love? (it's not who you expect)
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B2How to Find Out What's Really on Your Mind
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
How to Be Strong and Resilient
British AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C11
How to Get Over Someone
British AccentUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
B24
What to think of the Rice Theory of the Japanese Character
British AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C13
PHILOSOPHY - Plato
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C2387
What's Education For?
British AccentBusiness EnglishUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C12
What True Love Really Is
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C121
Why Hurt People Hurt People
British AccentDaily ConversationUniversity StudentsWorking Adults
C16
Should I Choose Passion or Duty?
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C16
Why Socrates Hated Democracy
British AccentIELTS PrepTOEFL PrepUniversity Students
✨ Aanbevolen Video
B24
31 zinnen
How to Love without fear
British AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
326 zinnen
The Strait of Hormuz is Why You're Still Single
American AccentBusiness EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
530 zinnen
The Evolution of Boris & Jessica | Couples Therapy
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
12 zinnen
7k
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B25
177 zinnen
Her Wife Knows About the Other Man… Then the Panel Asked If She Wants Out | Tonight’s Conversation
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B21
216 zinnen
Life Lessons Old People WISH Young People Knew
Business EnglishTeensDaily Conversation
B21
35 zinnen
THIS HAPPENS In Long Distance Relationships ALL THE TIME | Jay Shetty
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
![[B2] 3 Simple Ways to Handle Stress | English Listening & Speaking Practice](https://img.youtube.com/vi/2L5hqhu4AqY/mqdefault.jpg)
B23
77 zinnen
[B2] 3 Simple Ways to Handle Stress | English Listening & Speaking Practice
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B24
16 zinnen
They are probably overthinking everything they’ve said too #psychology #lawofattraction #overthinker
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
B22
148 zinnen
Your Lack of Personal Purpose Is Causing Your Romantic Obsession
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
C11
116 zinnen
Objectify him: texting
Business EnglishDaily ConversationUniversity Students
Woordenschat en spreektips bij deze les
Deze video bevat 59 zinnen en 805 woorden om na te spreken. Het gesproken deel duurt 4:50. De spreker praat in een natuurlijk tempo van ongeveer 167 woorden per minuut, dicht bij een alledaags gesprek. Slechts 81% van de woorden hoort bij de 3.000 meest gebruikte Engelse woorden, dus de woordenschat is pittig.
Belangrijke woorden in deze video
15 minder gangbare woorden uit de video, met uitspraak en betekenis:
- brake /bɹeɪk/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — rem, remmen. A device used to slow or stop the motion of a wheel, or of a vehicle, usually by friction (although other resistive forces, such as electromagnetic fields or…
- tension /ˈtɛnʃən/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — spanning. The condition of being held in a state between two or more forces, which are acting in opposition to each other.
- gently /ˈd͡ʒɛntli/ (bijwoord) — zachtjes, voorzichtig. Without strong force or quickness: softly, lightly.
- merge /mɝd͡ʒ/ (werkwoord) — samenvoegen, fuseren. To combine into a whole.
- silence /ˈsaɪ̯ləns/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — stilte. The absence of any sound.
- hungry /ˈhʌŋ.ɡɹi/ (bijvoeglijk naamwoord) — hongerig, honger hebben. Affected by hunger; having the physical need for food.
- mood /muːd/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — humeur, stemming. A mental or emotional state, composure.
- helpful /ˈhɛlp.fl̩/ (bijvoeglijk naamwoord) — behulpzaam. Furnishing help; giving aid; useful.
- anger /ˈæŋɡə/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — boosheid, woede. A strong and unpleasant feeling of displeasure, hostility, or antagonism, usually combined with an urge to yell, curse, damage or destroy things, or harm…
- marry /ˈmæɹi/ (werkwoord) — trouwen, huwen. To enter into the conjugal or connubial state; to take a husband or a wife.
- friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — vriendschap. The condition of being friends.
- refuse /ɹɪˈfjuːz/ (werkwoord) — weigeren, afslaan. To decline (a request or demand).
- daddy /ˈdædi/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — papa, pappa. Also used as a term of address: a father; one's father.
- spare /spɛɚ/ (bijvoeglijk naamwoord) — extra. Being more than what is necessary, or what must be used or reserved; not wanted, or not used; superfluous.
- panic /ˈpænɪk/ (zelfstandig naamwoord) — paniek. Overwhelming fear or fright, often affecting groups of people or animals; (countable) an instance of this; a fright, a scare.
Phrasal verbs die je zult horen
- break down (werkwoord) — stukgaan, kapot gaan. To stop functioning.
- get on with (werkwoord) — aan de gang gaan met, doorgaan. To proceed with; to begin or continue, especially after an interruption.
- set off (werkwoord) — vertrekken. To leave; to set out; to begin a journey or trip.
Uitspraak om op te letten
De spreker gebruikt 10 samentrekkingen en verkorte vormen, zoals can't, don't, aren't. Spreek ze kort uit, zoals je ze hoort.
- De klanken “sh” en “zh”: contrast /kənˈt(ʃ)ɹæst/, tension /ˈtɛnʃən/, friendship /ˈfɹɛn(d)ʃɪp/, obsession /əbˈsɛʃən/, persecution /ˌpɝsəˈkjuʃən/
- Lange woorden — let op de klemtoon: integrity /ɪnˈtɛɡɹəti/, ideally /aɪˈdi.ə.li/, persecution /ˌpɝsəˈkjuʃən/, accelerate /ɪkˈsɛl.əˌɹeɪt/, pornography /pɔɹˈnɑ.ɡɹə.fi/
Zo oefen je met deze video
- Luister de hele video één keer zonder te spreken en noteer de woorden die je niet kent.
- Begin op 0,75× snelheid, spreek zin voor zin na en ga terug naar normale snelheid zodra het makkelijk gaat.
- Neem jezelf op en vergelijk met het origineel; let daarbij op woorden als brake, tension, gently.
Wat is de Shadowing-techniek?
Shadowing is een wetenschappelijk onderbouwde taalleermethode die oorspronkelijk is ontwikkeld voor professionele tolkentraining en gepopulariseerd door polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. De methode is eenvoudig maar krachtig: je luistert naar native Engelse audio en herhaalt het onmiddellijk hardop — als een schaduw die de spreker volgt met slechts 1–2 seconden vertraging. In tegenstelling tot passief luisteren of grammaticadrills, dwingt shadowing je hersenen en mondspieren om echte spraakpatronen tegelijkertijd te verwerken en te reproduceren. Onderzoek toont aan dat het de uitspraaknauwkeurigheid, intonatie, ritme, verbonden spraak, luisterbegrip en spreekvaardigheid aanzienlijk verbetert — waardoor het een van de meest effectieve methoden is voor IELTS Speaking-voorbereiding en echte Engelse communicatie.