Shadowing Practice: How to Set Boundaries at Home and at Work Without the Guilt - Learn English Speaking with Video
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This morning in our series Life Lessons, we are talking about the importance of setting boundaries, whether it's at work or at home with loved ones.
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Speaking up for our needs can help create healthier relationships.
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Psychotherapist and author Nero Feliciano is going to walk us through it.
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We're lucky she's here.
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Good morning.
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Good morning.
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Great to see you.
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Okay, here's the thing though.
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This is hard, right?
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To set boundaries, to say things that you need.
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You can feel guilty about it, especially I think probably when it's home and loved ones.
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How can we get over that and do something
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that is healthy for us first of all you know i love me a boundary is my favorite b word
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so but it is so hard for people
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because they often perceive boundaries as unkind and inflexible
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but it's actually quite the opposite boundaries are a love language for ourselves
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and for everyone else because when we can protect our limits mentally
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and physically we show up better for people we feel more connected
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and here's the tip anyone who has issues with your boundaries they're the people who benefited from you not having them
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you know in fact how do you set them
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and i know personal boundaries are important
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but to your point those work boundaries you know those people
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who who benefit whether it's the boss who's sending you emails
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late late in the evening we're going to talk about
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that yeah so so how do we set healthy boundaries
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so here's some guidelines first we have to identify where do we need boundaries so any area of our life, relationship or situational, where we feel exhausted,
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depleted, resentful, that's a bigger one.
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There's likely a boundary that needed to be set that wasn't.
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We want to use I statements, not you, you, you that puts people on the defensive, but we're not controlling other people's behavior.
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We're defining our limits.
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And clear and direct, no convoluted explanations.
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No one wants to hear about your grandmother's cat
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that had eye surgery
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so you couldn't show up to the bar mitzvah we overshare yeah we overshare clear
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and kind so tone is also important like this dylan i would love to come
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but i i have a commitment
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that night thank you for thinking of me you know you felt loved
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but right i'm a problem yeah
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but that's fine i define my limit i'm not coming
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so let's go through some other prompts here let's start off with family
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and friends how can we tell the people we love we
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need some space big one especially for people who are a
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little overbearing i need to take some time for myself right now
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and find a better balance in my life okay what
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if someone is asking too many personal questions
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and we want to set a limit around a certain topic we all know people like
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that so two ways one we can deflect it no one wants to hear about me right now
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but tell me where did you get that fabulous dress
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or for some people we have to be more explicit i am not talking about my relationship status this tonight.
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So if someone brings it up, I'm going to change the topic, or I might have to leave.
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It seems so simple.
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But how do you get to that?
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Yeah.
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How do you get to that?
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So that you can define it simply.
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One, you have to know your limits.
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Again, what triggers you?
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What makes you feel stressed?
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Where are your limits?
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What are you okay with?
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What can you give in that moment?
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What about for that person who just offers too much advice?
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You just don't need it or want it.
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Every well -meaning auntie in every family.
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Yes, we can say, I appreciate your concern, but I've thought about this and I've figured it out.
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But what would help me is if you listened and supported my decision.
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So we're saying what we don't want, but also what we need to feel closer to each other.
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All right.
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What about in the workplace?
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Let's say you just feel like you have way too much on your plate.
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How do you communicate that? just
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so many people these days we can say given all of our deadlines right now this is
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when i can get you that information on monday oh
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and you're just like out of the gate setting expectations yes you are what about
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when somebody in these stressful work situations is rude to you
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oh this we get a lot right we can say i really want to have this conversation with you
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but when you are calm and can talk to me respectfully
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and funny thing i was saying this out loud my husband was like oh I've heard
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that a lot because I use boundaries it protects our relationships
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and that's it ensures the longevity of a relationship
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so what do you do
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when you're on the receiving end of somebody who's taken your
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advice about boundaries how do you how do you receive that
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and respond and if you feel like oh why are they not meeting my needs in
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that moment yes I want you to think about putting yourself in their shoes
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and practicing some empathy what are they going through right now where they're saying they can't do something
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or what they need from me we have to think about protecting their limits too
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and think about them doing that for themselves
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and also extend to them the grace you want for yourself sure
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when you need to set a limit with someone else
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because sometimes we feel like we're being rejected that's right we do yeah
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and that's why the tone is important when i said that to you I'm still coming across as kind and loving, but just explaining where my limit is.
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I want to put you in my pocket.
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No, I know.
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Pocket in a row.
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I'll take you along for all my social situations.
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I'll just come along.
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Little in a row, bring her out.
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What should I say?
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Texts that need a response.
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I'm overwhelmed.
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I don't know what to do.
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That would be great.
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You are the best.
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Obviously, we love you.
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Thank you so much.
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Bu dersin kelimeleri ve konuşma notları
Bu konuşma dersi “How to Set Boundaries at Home and at Work Without the Guilt” videosuna dayanıyor. En çok tekrarlanan kelimeler: boundaries, limit, relationship. Bu videoda gölgeleme çalışması için 107 cümle ve 1078 kelime var. Konuşma bölümü 5:29 sürüyor. Konuşmacı hızlı konuşuyor, dakikada yaklaşık 196 kelime; bu yüzden birbirine bağlanan ve zayıflayan sesler duyacaksınız. Kelimelerin %87’i İngilizcede en sık kullanılan 3.000 kelime arasında, bu yüzden kelime dağarcığını takip etmek kolay.
Bu videodaki önemli kelimeler
Videodan öğrenmeye değer 15 kelime, telaffuzu ve anlamıyla:
| Kelime | Telaffuz | Anlam |
|---|---|---|
| tone isim | /ˈtəʊn/ | ton |
| topic isim | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | mevzu, tema |
| pocket isim | /ˈpɑ.kɪt/ | cep, yancık |
| gate isim | /ˈɡeɪ̯t/ | kapı |
| explanation isim | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | açıklama |
| extend fiil | /ɛkˈstɛnd/ | genişletmek |
| rude sıfat | /ɹuːd/ | kaba, küstah |
| trigger isim | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | [4, 5] tetikleme, tetik |
| shoe isim | /ˈʃu/ | kundura, ayakkabı |
| mentally zarf | /ˈmɛntəli/ | aklen |
| podcast isim | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | podcast |
| deadline isim | /ˈdɛdˌlaɪn/ | mühlet, deadline |
| workplace isim | /ˈwɝkˌpleɪs/ | iş yeri |
| exhaust fiil | /ɪɡˈzɔst/ | salmak, eritmek |
| empathy isim | /ˈɛmpəθi/ | empati |
Duyacağınız deyimsel fiiller
| Kelime | Anlam |
|---|---|
| come across fiil | karşıdan karşıya geçmek |
| get over fiil | üstesinden gelmek, yenmek |
| show up fiil | ortaya çıkmak |
Tekrar etmeye değer cümleler
Videodan, günlük konuşmada yeniden kullanabileceğiniz kısa ve tam cümleler:
- How do you get to that?
- What makes you feel stressed?
- What are you okay with?
- What can you give in that moment?
- How do you communicate that?
Bu videodaki dil bilgisi
Konuşmacının en çok kullandığı yapılar, videodaki sözcüklerin aynısıyla:
| Yapı | Videoda |
|---|---|
| İlgi cümlecikleri who / which + cümle — bir kişi ya da şey hakkında ek bilgi | anyone who has · people who are · person who just |
| Present perfect have/has + fiilin üçüncü hâli — geçmişte olan ama şimdi de önemli olan bir eylem | I've thought · I've heard |
| Edilgen yapı be + fiilin üçüncü hâli — kimin yaptığı değil, ne olduğu önemli | be set · being rejected |
Dikkat edilecek telaffuzlar
Konuşmacı we're, I'm, don't gibi kısaltılmış biçimleri 26 kez kullanıyor. Bunları duyduğunuz gibi kısa söyleyin.
- “sh” ve “zh” sesleri: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, shoe /ˈʃu/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, situational /sɪtjuːˈeɪʃənəl/
- Uzun kelimeler — vurguyu doğru yere koyun: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, longevity /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/
Türkçe konuşanların zorlandığı sesler:
- /w/ — dudaklar yuvarlak, /v/ değil: wherever /(h)wɛɹˈɛvɚ/, workplace /ˈwɝkˌpleɪs/, overwhelm /ˌoʊ.vɚˈwɛlm/
- Kelime başındaki ünsüz kümesi — araya ünlü eklemeyin: wherever /(h)wɛɹˈɛvɚ/, trigger /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/, stressful /ˈstɹɛsfəl/, prompt /pɹɑmpt/
- /æ/ — “e”den daha açık: podcast /ˈpɑdˌkæst/, fabulous /ˈfæbjʊləs/, auntie /ˈæn.ti/
Bu videoyla nasıl çalışılır
- Videonun tamamını konuşmadan bir kez dinleyin ve bilmediğiniz kelimeleri not edin.
- 0,75× hızla başlayın, cümle cümle tekrar edin ve kolaylaşınca normal hıza dönün.
- Kendinizi kaydedin ve orijinaliyle karşılaştırın; tone, topic, pocket gibi kelimelere özellikle dikkat edin.
Gölgeleme Tekniği Nedir?
Gölgeleme, başlangıçta profesyonel tercüman eğitimi için geliştirilen ve çok dilli Dr. Alexander Arguelles tarafından popüler hale getirilen, bilim destekli bir dil öğrenme tekniğidir. Yöntem basit ama güçlüdür: ana dili İngilizce olan bir sesi dinler ve hemen yüksek sesle tekrar edersiniz — konuşmacıyı 1-2 saniye gecikmeyle takip eden bir gölge gibi. Pasif dinleme veya dilbilgisi alıştırmalarının aksine, gölgeleme beyninizi ve ağız kaslarınızı gerçek konuşma kalıplarını eşzamanlı olarak işlemeye ve yeniden üretmeye zorlar. Araştırmalar, telaffuz doğruluğu, tonlama, ritim, bağlı konuşma, dinleme anlama ve konuşma akıcılığını önemli ölçüde geliştirdiğini göstermektedir — bu da onu IELTS Konuşma hazırlığı ve gerçek dünya İngilizce iletişimi için en etkili yöntemlerden biri yapar.