Shadowing Practice: How to Set Boundaries at Home and at Work Without the Guilt - Learn English Speaking with Video
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This morning in our series Life Lessons, we are talking about the importance of setting boundaries, whether it's at work or at home with loved ones.
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Speaking up for our needs can help create healthier relationships.
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Psychotherapist and author Nero Feliciano is going to walk us through it.
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We're lucky she's here.
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Good morning.
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Good morning.
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Great to see you.
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Okay, here's the thing though.
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This is hard, right?
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To set boundaries, to say things that you need.
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You can feel guilty about it, especially I think probably when it's home and loved ones.
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How can we get over that and do something
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that is healthy for us first of all you know i love me a boundary is my favorite b word
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so but it is so hard for people
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because they often perceive boundaries as unkind and inflexible
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but it's actually quite the opposite boundaries are a love language for ourselves
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and for everyone else because when we can protect our limits mentally
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and physically we show up better for people we feel more connected
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and here's the tip anyone who has issues with your boundaries they're the people who benefited from you not having them
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you know in fact how do you set them
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and i know personal boundaries are important
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but to your point those work boundaries you know those people
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who who benefit whether it's the boss who's sending you emails
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late late in the evening we're going to talk about
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that yeah so so how do we set healthy boundaries
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so here's some guidelines first we have to identify where do we need boundaries so any area of our life, relationship or situational, where we feel exhausted,
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depleted, resentful, that's a bigger one.
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There's likely a boundary that needed to be set that wasn't.
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We want to use I statements, not you, you, you that puts people on the defensive, but we're not controlling other people's behavior.
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We're defining our limits.
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And clear and direct, no convoluted explanations.
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No one wants to hear about your grandmother's cat
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that had eye surgery
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so you couldn't show up to the bar mitzvah we overshare yeah we overshare clear
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and kind so tone is also important like this dylan i would love to come
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but i i have a commitment
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that night thank you for thinking of me you know you felt loved
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but right i'm a problem yeah
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but that's fine i define my limit i'm not coming
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so let's go through some other prompts here let's start off with family
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and friends how can we tell the people we love we
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need some space big one especially for people who are a
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little overbearing i need to take some time for myself right now
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and find a better balance in my life okay what
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if someone is asking too many personal questions
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and we want to set a limit around a certain topic we all know people like
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that so two ways one we can deflect it no one wants to hear about me right now
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but tell me where did you get that fabulous dress
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or for some people we have to be more explicit i am not talking about my relationship status this tonight.
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So if someone brings it up, I'm going to change the topic, or I might have to leave.
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It seems so simple.
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But how do you get to that?
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Yeah.
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How do you get to that?
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So that you can define it simply.
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One, you have to know your limits.
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Again, what triggers you?
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What makes you feel stressed?
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Where are your limits?
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What are you okay with?
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What can you give in that moment?
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What about for that person who just offers too much advice?
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You just don't need it or want it.
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Every well -meaning auntie in every family.
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Yes, we can say, I appreciate your concern, but I've thought about this and I've figured it out.
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But what would help me is if you listened and supported my decision.
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So we're saying what we don't want, but also what we need to feel closer to each other.
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All right.
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What about in the workplace?
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Let's say you just feel like you have way too much on your plate.
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How do you communicate that? just
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so many people these days we can say given all of our deadlines right now this is
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when i can get you that information on monday oh
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and you're just like out of the gate setting expectations yes you are what about
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when somebody in these stressful work situations is rude to you
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oh this we get a lot right we can say i really want to have this conversation with you
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but when you are calm and can talk to me respectfully
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and funny thing i was saying this out loud my husband was like oh I've heard
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that a lot because I use boundaries it protects our relationships
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and that's it ensures the longevity of a relationship
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so what do you do
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when you're on the receiving end of somebody who's taken your
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advice about boundaries how do you how do you receive that
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and respond and if you feel like oh why are they not meeting my needs in
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that moment yes I want you to think about putting yourself in their shoes
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and practicing some empathy what are they going through right now where they're saying they can't do something
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or what they need from me we have to think about protecting their limits too
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and think about them doing that for themselves
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and also extend to them the grace you want for yourself sure
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when you need to set a limit with someone else
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because sometimes we feel like we're being rejected that's right we do yeah
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and that's why the tone is important when i said that to you I'm still coming across as kind and loving, but just explaining where my limit is.
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I want to put you in my pocket.
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No, I know.
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Pocket in a row.
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I'll take you along for all my social situations.
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I'll just come along.
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Little in a row, bring her out.
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What should I say?
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Texts that need a response.
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I'm overwhelmed.
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I don't know what to do.
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That would be great.
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You are the best.
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Obviously, we love you.
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Thank you so much.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Set Boundaries at Home and at Work Without the Guilt”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: boundaries, limit, relationship. This video has 107 sentences and 1078 words to shadow. The speech runs for 5:29. The speaker talks fast, about 196 words per minute, so expect linked and reduced sounds. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.
Key vocabulary in this video
15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| boundary noun | /ˈbaʊndɹi/ | The dividing line or location between two areas. |
| define verb | /dɪˈfaɪn/ | To determine with precision; to mark out with distinctness; to ascertain or exhibit clearly. |
| tone noun | /ˈtəʊn/ | A specific pitch. |
| topic noun | /ˈtɑpɪk/ | A subject; a theme; a category or general area of interest. |
| pocket noun | /ˈpɑ.kɪt/ | A bag stitched to an item of clothing, used for carrying small items. |
| gate noun | /ˈɡeɪ̯t/ | A doorlike structure outside a house. |
| explanation noun | /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/ | The act or process of explaining. |
| commitment noun | /kəˈmɪtmənt/ | The act of sending a legislative bill to committee for review. |
| connect verb | /kəˈnɛkt/ | To join (to another object): to attach, or to be intended to attach or capable of attaching, to another object. |
| defensive adjective | /dɪˈfɛn.sɪv/ | Intended for defence; protective. |
| extend verb | /ɛkˈstɛnd/ | To increase in extent. |
| physically adverb | /ˈfɪz.ɪ.kli/ | In a physical manner. |
| wherever | /(h)wɛɹˈɛvɚ/ | Regardless of the place in, at or to which. |
| rude adjective | /ɹuːd/ | Lacking in refinement or civility; bad-mannered; discourteous. |
| trigger noun | /ˈtɹɪɡɚ/ | A finger-operated lever used to fire a gun. |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Meaning |
|---|---|
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
| come across verb | To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition. |
| come along verb | To accompany. |
| get over verb | To overcome. |
| show up verb | To appear, arrive, or attend, especially suddenly or erratically. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- How do you get to that?
- What makes you feel stressed?
- What are you okay with?
- What can you give in that moment?
- How do you communicate that?
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | anyone who has · people who are · person who just |
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | I've thought · I've heard |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | be set · being rejected |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 26 contractions and reduced forms, such as we're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, shoe /ˈʃu/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, situational /sɪtjuːˈeɪʃənəl/
- Long words — get the stress right: explanation /ˌɛkspləˈneɪʃən/, communicate /kəˈmjuːnɪkeɪt/, expectation /ˌɛk.spɛkˈteɪ.ʃən/, longevity /lɒnˈd͡ʒɛv.ɪ.ti/, convoluted /ˌkɑnvəˈlutəd/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like boundary, define, tone.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.