Shadowing Practice: Don't marry your cousin - STORYTIME - Learn English Speaking with Video

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gave him all of my money he took it he blocked me and disappeared

and what did i do in today's video i will be sharing maybe a little bit too much

but i think it's very important and necessary because i know

that there are so many like me out there who struggle with similar things

or have struggled with similar things and are trying to heal from it

or maybe you don't even realize how much it's impacting you still

and that's why i'm making this video i will talk about the struggles

that you go through in a family setting as an immigrant as a muslim as a woman

and i just hope and pray that this will be of benefit to you inshallah

and maybe a little bit entertaining because why not there's some deep shit

that i'm gonna talk about and i'm not gonna mention any names

because i don't want to hurt like certain people's reputation i don't believe

that that's the right thing I don't believe that's the right way to do it

but I'm still gonna speak about my experiences

because I want to share my journey and when I eventually become successful

and I make it in life

which I know I will inshallah I want to show the progress

and everything that it took because growing up I never had a role model

or like someone to compare myself with

so my expectation of what it's going to take to reach that success that I'm craving was completely unrealistic,

which led to a lot of stress on my part.

We all think we know what stress is.

There's the goal that you have matched with the resources available to you.

The bigger that gap, the more stress you will feel and for me that gap was

and still is so therefore my levels of stress are according

accordingly yeah and i had to learn how to navigate

and survive all of it and this will not fit in just one video

which is why you should subscribe to my channel

because i'm gonna share it all i'm gonna lay it all out i truly truly believe

that there will be people who will benefit from this

and inshallah you will see how much it actually takes to get successful whether

that is an education or any kind of field in your career

and you're in life okay so that when you're in the shit

and you are going through it you have someone to compare yourself

and be like yeah but that's what it takes

because i did not have a blueprint

or any sort of reference to to know

that this is what it takes i just saw people who had it easy were born rich

or inherited so much money that they really don't have to worry ever in their life

and i also had to learn that these people are not my enemies there are

so many rich people who really have good intentions

and are good people even though they might not understand the level of struggle and pain

that you go through there are a lot of them who will respect

it though see there's a lot to unpack about me it's just a lot i just started out with this

so bear with me if the editing or the lighting

or the quality is a bit

but i'm trying my best here okay let's get right into

it can we get excited about palettes again like we did

in 2016 please these colors are screaming for me to use them okay

so let's get into this

and talk about it i'm scared i grew up in a household

that is lebanese and we're like a big clan family now i don't know

if you know anything about like ashire

and their way of living their way of thinking especially in the west the clash of culture

and tradition with islam with modern western life

and you as a an offspring who was born

and raised in the west who's in the midst of all of this identity mess

so growing up i really struggled with the way

that women okay are treated

it has always been a source of trauma a source of like extreme struggle mentally emotionally all of

that now it's very very unusual for someone in the family

for a woman in a family to first of all not be married at my age like i'm 27 alhamdulillah

i'm not married even though i hear almost every single day from my parents from other people how it's wrong

that i'm not married and that I'm not thinking about marriage.

I'm running with both feet in my hands.

I'm running away from men.

I didn't want to live.

the way my mother had to live

if i got married i wanted to get married out of love stupid

i had a cousin okay i'm not gonna say any names

because the majority of my family okay also my extended family

they all watch what i do i was 16 i was in high school

so like um i was getting ready to do my abitur

which is like your the highest school degree

that you can get before you go to university

and my cousin who i grew up with okay decided let

me give you a couple facts about this person can you tell

that i'm literally nervous to talk about this

and i don't want to share these things about myself just to like entertain

you my whole niya is i know there are girls out there like me who think getting married

or pleasing their parents while sacrificing themselves is honorable

and i'm here to tell you there's nothing right

and honorable about you sacrificing yourself for anyone allah almighty your creator doesn't even want you to sacrifice yourself

so why would you do that for men why would you do

that for your father or your mother

or whoever it is don't do it go

and fight for your own sake your daughters eventually will thank you i looked at my mother

and how she lived with so much sadness

and grief all the way from childhood this cousin was someone who i loved him

more than anyone in my family i don't know why like we grew up together my parents came to germany

and there weren't really a lot of people that we

that they know in terms of family

so this group of people were the only family members

that we were super close with and

when you feel alienated in the west growing up you get

so attached to family members who go through the same things as you

so we would all sit down me and my cousins

and my sister and we would talk about school

and the things we go through and this person okay he's he was like the oldest son and that family

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and i always looked up to him i almost sort of idolized him i truly loved him too much so

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when I turned 16 he started doing weird things

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he started to like implement certain ideas in my head like oh

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so it's always when I talk to you it's

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so different you're not like the other girls even even your sister you're

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so different it amazes me how goal oriented

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you are I feel like you are like me all of these things

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that people know that men will tell you to make you feel special

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and boy did it work on my neglected ass and it gradually got to a point of him speaking about marriage

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i was 16 he was over 20 years old okay i think you get it

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but i was so stupid so young so lonely so neglected

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so depressed that the thought of having someone who's like you who went through the things

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that you went through who understands what it's like to struggle with your parents

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and he knows he understands and it was always that work ethic that made me bond with him so much

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and that's when things got really bad

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so this dude okay never got a degree never did really anything with his life

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but he kept telling me about his dreams of having a logistics company

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and like working in transportation

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but he was just a driver it was just his ego completely on display yeah

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so he always like put his ego at full display explaining

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to me how he wanted to do all of these things

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and i've always been a person to believe in others i've always been someone who motivates others

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and you know i want to see everyone around me succeed

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but he used

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that as a trap to take my money oh surprise once

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he successfully made me fall in love with him his narcissistic ass

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he started to like complain in front of me about how much he's struggling

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and oh my god the financial struggles and you know how our parents they have nothing they come from nothing

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And I'm trying to build this so that we can get married.

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So that we can have a future together.

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But I need your help.

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I need your help.

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Those words were the beginning of a life lesson.

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This whole story took place over a span of, wait, yeah, three years.

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Narcissistic men will creep up on you like a bliss.

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They start slow

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and will build momentum bit by bit

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they will give you some love some benefits some support stab

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you a little some support stab you a little more some support make

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you question yourself give you some support make

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you less confident totally like digging into your being your identity your whole sense of self

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they will take it apart bit by bit until there's nothing left that's how

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that kind of abuse goes okay and i still am in therapy

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because of that whole thing not

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because he physically abused me i feel like people always think physical abuse is the worst thing

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that could happen to you this level of emotional abuse

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and mental abuse at that age

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when i had no one to talk to about it like

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when i talked to my dad about it i got beat up

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so i really was alone in this shit the level of trauma that can cause you is

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is pretty serious anyway so he kept on telling me these things

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and mind you i started working at the age of 16

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by cleaning stairs okay my first job ever was cleaning the staircase for like 60 euros

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or something a month and i don't feel ashamed to say

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that i was cleaning i think it's normal to have these kind of jobs first of all

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when you're a teenager

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and second of all to this day in my cv i will always mention these kind of jobs

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that i did when i first started working

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because i take pride in working hard labor jobs especially

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because i always saw my father like he's he's a gardener

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and he will take jobs that are so physically exhausting and

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so physically demanding just to be able to provide for us

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that makes me proud

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it has a huge impact on my work ethic to see

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my father on a tree carrying huge loads on his back seeing

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that as a daughter does something to you it makes me respect people who work in these professions

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and it made me understand the importance of hard work eventually he started to tell me

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that he set up an account at the bank

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which is like a sparbuch where he would like save money okay these were his exact words

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i still remember it to this day he would put money in the bank account

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so that he could have the face okay

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which like in arabic means to like have the guts

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or the courage to stand in front of my father

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and ask for my hand and he kept saying that

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that was why he was in the shit financially

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because he opened up that that sparbuch

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which is like the the savings account he kept saying

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that he opened that savings account and

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that he had to put a certain amount of money in

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and he like committed to that and that's why he was struggling

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so much financially and it's a complete manipulative strategy to make me feel guilty

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because oh my god poor him he's doing that

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because he wants to get married to me

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and he made me feel guilty for the fact

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that he wants to marry me and

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that he had to like have a certain amount of money to like propose to me and

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that was enough to convince me to put everything i've saved everything

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i've worked my butt off to make into a pouch okay

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and just give it to him

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so he wanted me to go to my bank account to see how much money

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i had on it i literally took a photo of my balance

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and then he was like so you have i think it was like 1200

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or 1500 euros or something he was like so

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if you give me all of this in like two weeks i will give you 2000 back is

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that okay and i was like of course it's okay i love you

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so much i will support you through anything habibi

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don't do what i did and sacrifice yourself for love ever don't

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but yeah so i gave him all of my money he took it he blocked me

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and disappeared and what did i do of course i was devastated i felt stupid

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but a part of me knew

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that i was not at fault this person was lurking

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and creeped up on me when I was 16 is

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when he started to get into my life tell me all of these things

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and he took the time to really get to know everything about me everything

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that I am vulnerable towards every weakness every detail

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that he could use to manipulate me that's what makes this kind of abuse

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so bad because they will make you feel like they know you

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and they do so i have a super strong bond with my mother

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and i have a very strong bond

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or i i used to have a very strong bond with his mother

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so a little fun fact already when i was a child okay his parents

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and i still love them to death

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but it's just the kind of creepiness in our family

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when i was a child they would already say chenty boy i just know

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when my family sees this there's gonna be some drama

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but you know what this happened to me it was sweeped under the rug

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and now i have to deal with the consequences of my

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mental health being completely destroyed by what my family has done to me

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and even though i love them i will not stop talking about it

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because i want for future girls

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that are going to be in this family i want them to know

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that there is someone in this family who broke all the

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rules who didn't follow the the playbook okay who broke free

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and she made it so that when you are being forced

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or coerced or manipulated to get married to your cousin you have someone

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and i'm serious about it if you're watching this

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and you are in a situation like that dm me

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and i will help you i will try to at least listen to you

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and give you advice on how you can without sacrificing your

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relationship with your family without sacrificing your dean how you can get out of that situation

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and how you can make a life for yourself without getting married in my professional career

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i've also helped a lot of girls to like navigate these kind of situations

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and family dynamics because i know what it's like even

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when i was a little girl they were already like dreaming about me

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and him eventually getting married when we get older and hearing

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that already when you're so little from people you love

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so much it does something to you

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because you grow up thinking oh yeah okay

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so i'm gonna marry this person eventually and i know

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that happens in so many families and stop doing

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that stop telling kids okay oh yeah this this one

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and this one they're gonna get married when they get older don't install

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that in them just don't do it anyway

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so my reaction to him taking my money and disappearing was first of all i did my research

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And boy, did I dig up some things.

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I had no idea what this individual was actually doing with all of that money.

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And I will not say it because I don't want to like hurt the family's reputation,

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but I saw enough that it scared me and it made me want to get my money back.

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I was so mad.

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I was so angry i was like you kept telling me

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that this is

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because you want to get married to me you kept making me think this is out of love

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and we're in some sort of partnership and

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so what did i do i told my parents now mind

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you there were several occasions where i did tell my parents especially my father about this whole thing

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and he just punished me for talking to my cousin in

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that way and

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when i say punish i mean punish okay i love my dad i love my dad

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but it's these like ways of dealing with your kids where it's

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when you have no idea that made it so much worse

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because then it was like who do i turn to you know already at the age of 16

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i was like who do i turn to about my problems at school? who do i turn to about my flippin struggles?

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i couldn't turn to my parents because they were overwhelmed with financial problems,

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health problems, so much what that was going on in their lives that they couldn't,

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that as a kid i just couldn't load my petty fucking bullshit problems onto them i just couldn't do that to them.

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And I still struggle with that to this day,

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that idea of I don't want to burden anyone and I just take care of my problems on my own.

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And I will like isolate myself and not talk to anyone.

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And that's also wrong.

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Don't turn to your parents.

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And if you don't see the support that you need, give up.

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There are so many people out there who will be able to help you.

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Just go out and find them, go out and seek them.

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And yes, talk to Allah as well

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but I will never be the type of person to tell you it's enough to just talk to Allah.

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No, you need to talk to people, you need to find people who will help you in the times of struggle that you're going through.

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Go out and seek them.

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I wish I would have had someone to tell me these things when I was going through it.

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So I told my parents and this time I was like, okay, Baba, I know I did something wrong i know you're going to be angry

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but i need your help this man took all of my money

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and he disappeared guess what the reaction was they felt bad for me

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because i told them everything and they were just shocked

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because this person my cousin they saw him like their son

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because he was like we were all raised together basically

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so it was an an incredible disappointment an incredible shock to them

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when i told them also some details about the things he would tell me

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and how he would speak to me when i was 16

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and he would be here like he would come

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and visit us just to get to talk to me

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and was all under the guise of well i'm like her brother

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and my parents would allow me and him to like go out with the car

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and like drive around because they were thinking this person is

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so much older than nadine nadine is so small like they never thought

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that i don't know why i think they thought i was ugly

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but yeah they probably just didn't think that a dude

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or anyone would be interested in me romantically well boy i told my parents

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and they didn't have the heart to tell his mother directly

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like this is what your son has been doing all these years

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and we want our daughter's money back basically because i had proof to like show that this really happened

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And this boy, like, he underestimated me.

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Like, yes, when I'm in love, I'm stupid as fuck.

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Because I will do anything for the person that I love.

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But I'm not stupid.

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I kept every receipt, every proof, so that when shit hits the fan, I'm prepared.

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Just because I love you doesn't mean I completely throw my head out the window even though you might think

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that these actions that I took were stupid which they were

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but that's the thing they were only stupid because he took advantage of them if it would have actually been

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something truthful it could have been the beginning of a very beautiful love story

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and we wouldn't be sitting here with me doing my eyeshadow

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i'm telling you this story

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so i showed them everything they didn't have the heart to tell my uh

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they didn't have the heart to tell his mother

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so who did they tell everything to he had an older sister

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and they told her everything

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and she was beyond shocked

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you need to understand like my cousin had a certain reputation

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in the family of like being a good person being a muslim blah blah blah

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so hearing these things about him and

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that he did them to me was mind -blowing to everyone who ever like heard about this story

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and to this day almost no one knows about it like my other cousins

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they have no idea even his siblings okay who have nothing to do with this

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but the things they've probably heard are either from him

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or they don't know anything about it and i think that's better

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because it happened a long time ago and I got my justice because his sister told his mother.

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She was like, okay, but I cannot handle this situation without telling my mother.

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I have to tell her.

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So she did.

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And fast forward, his mom

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and his ass were in the living room in front of my dad apologizing i will never forget her face

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because she really doesn't deserve to have a son like

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that she deserves to have someone so much better instead of having this fucking disappointment but anyways

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and she he actually didn't apologize like he every time

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he wanted to say something she would shut him up every time

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that he wanted to say something she would be like

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I love her and I will always love her

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and mind you this was her oldest son this one is special to her

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and I know how much she loves him

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so for her to stand firm on justice make him put

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that money on the table in front of me I will never ever forget

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that and it just reminded me

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that the women specifically the women in my family are built different

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and i just hope and pray that eventually we as women understand

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that we don't have to please these men we don't have to please anyone other than allah

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and we definitely don't have to sacrifice

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and shouldn't sacrifice ourselves for these men i wish and i hope

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and i pray and i work towards this becoming a reality

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so that the women in my family step up to what is their right oh

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that was just one story

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that was another story with another cousin oh i know i know

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and i mean i can just quickly tell you he just

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cheated on me like i was engaged for two weeks

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and then he went and cheated on me

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and i took off the ring and that was it

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and since then that happened when i was 21 or 22

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but since then i have never ever considered marriage ever again

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and i know what you're gonna say well these were like people from your family

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and there's other men out there yeah

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but in general arab dudes are kind of the same they will lure you in with all these promises

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and once you are in a house with them and i've heard

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that from so many women okay once they have successfully trapped you once they have successfully trapped you,

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you will see their true face come out and you will be shocked

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that a person is able to hide who they really are, how they really think, how they really act, what they really do.

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You will be shocked because they are such good manipulators, such good liars, such good actors.

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Oh my god.

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So yeah, I'm just living my life, studying, working.

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Inshallah, I will have everything that I want

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because I will be able to give it and provide it myself and

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if I get married

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I will get married to an amazing man who I find amazing without me being in his life okay

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so what do I mean by that what I mean by

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that is men or like the man

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that I have known I did my experience once

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you come into the picture like their object of interest

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they will change everything about them to fit what they think you want

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so they will put on this whole act to impress you

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and to get you so

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when i say i will only marry a man who impresses me

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and who i find you know great as a person as an individual without me being in the picture it's

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because i'm scared of like being manipulated again

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and usually the way they are before meeting you before trying to get married to you is their truth

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and that's the kind of face that you will be living with if you get married to them so

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So right now for me, I'm on my healing journey, going to therapy, taking my medication,

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trying to stabilize emotionally and mentally, trying to heal physically because I struggle with chronic pain.

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I'm busy with all of that and also I've seen my mother

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and my sister and my aunts and my grandma

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and my other grandma and so many women in the family literally sacrificing everything because they got married.

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I want to make it very clear that you can love your family

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and recognize the pattern of abuse and struggle

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and you're one of the only ones who's trying to break

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free from it now i have a lot of cousins alhamdulillah who are like extremely supportive of me

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and they know okay they just get it

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but they are either still stuck in

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that chokehold of trying to please the family

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or they completely turned their backs to the to the family

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and i want to find a middle way where i don't have to completely turn my back towards my family

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and where i don't sacrifice myself for like the idea of pleasing them

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and now i have this chronic pain in my muscles and my joints

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And my therapist and like my doctors, they tell me that's the manifestation of all the emotional pain

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and trauma that put it in a back drawer somewhere in your subconscious.

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And that's the way that your body expresses emotional pain now.

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It's through your physical pain.

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It's through physical pain.

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I wake up every day in pain.

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I go to sleep in pain and I go through my day in pain.

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People's reactions are pretty interesting when I say that.

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because it's either complete disbelief because i don't look like i'm in pain

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and i have that from my mother she has the same condition

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and she's also the kind of person who

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when you meet her you will have no idea

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that she's going through all of that pain i know

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when you're in such a environment or like in a war zone

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and everything around you is just insane

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and extreme the last thing on your mind is to breathe

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the last thing on your mind is to sit down not

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grab your phone not grab something to do something the last thought in your mind

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i know okay i've also been in a war zone the

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last thing on your mind is to just be in the moment

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you want to do everything your power to escape the moment

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which is why you're so hyper vigilant

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which is why you're going crazy by the way i just bought

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this new huda beauty cherry peach easy bake duo like i usually only buy the cherry blossom

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but i want to see if this like two sides thing you know does anything

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and you can like either mix the two together oops

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i made a fucking mess anyways you can either mix the two powders together

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or like you put this in the middle

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and then you have either either the peach or the cherry blossom

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and i think i'm just gonna mix the two

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but i love the way

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that huda beauty's product smell take a breath through your nose hold it

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and exhale that's one thing

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that i do my lungs are filled with huda beauty powder now another thing

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that i will do is and that's what i will tell my parents also

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when they are like hyper vigilant notice your shoulders relax them

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notice your stomach relax it i'm serious when i say you prolong your life

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and i know

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when you're in the midst of all the bad things

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you really don't want to prolong your life i know how

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that feels like these are proven methods to significantly improve your mood and your mental health.

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I've really benefited from these things.

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We don't take that seriously but once we are all sick

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and have cancer or auto immune diseases that's when we take it seriously.

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I'm gonna finish this makeup look and then I'll be right back.

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I hope you guys enjoyed today...

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I can't forget speak!

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I hope you guys enjoyed my story time.

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I hope that you benefited somehow some way by me sharing this i really hope

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that you feel less alone if you're struggling with anything similar to what i'm struggling with

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or that i have struggled with if you're on your healing journey

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and you're trying to get better it's not easy i know

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but inshallah hopefully it will be worth it

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and i will share my journey through the through the thick

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and them through the ugly and the pretty through the good

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and the bad so that you can see inshallah

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when i make it the whole process to get there

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and what it took i won't sugarcoat anything i will tell you the truth of my experience

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and i just hope and pray

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that this will be of benefit to others as well especially my sisters

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if you're struggling know that you are not alone the only thing

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that made me go through it without you know was allah

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that's the only reason why i was able to justify staying on this train

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so if you feel anything like that know that you're not alone

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See you on the next one.

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Bye

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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson

This speaking lesson is built on the video “Don't marry your cousin - STORYTIME”. This video has 462 sentences and 5360 words to shadow. The speech runs for 34:42. The speaker talks at a natural 154 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 87% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English, so the vocabulary is easy to follow.

Key vocabulary in this video

15 words from the video worth learning, with pronunciation and meaning:

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
cousin noun	/ˈkʌz(ə)n/	Chiefly with a qualifying word: Any relation (especially a distant one) who is not a direct ancestor or descendant but part of a person's extended family; a…
sacrifice noun	/ˈsæk.ɹɪ.faɪs/	Originally, the killing (and often burning) of a human being or an animal as an offering to a deity; later, also the offering of an object to a deity.
shock noun	/ʃɔk/	A sudden, heavy impact.
pray verb	/pɹeɪ/	To direct words, thoughts, or one's attention to a deity or any higher being, for the sake of adoration, thanks, petition for help, etc.
physically adverb	/ˈfɪz.ɪ.kli/	In a physical manner.
heal verb	/ˈhiːl/	To make better from a disease, wound, etc.; to revive or cure.
disappear verb	/dɪsəˈpɪɹ/	To vanish.
reputation noun	/ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/	What somebody or something is known for.
successfully adverb	/səkˈsɛs.fə.li/	In a successful manner; with success; without failing.
marry verb	/ˈmæɹi/	To enter into the conjugal or connubial state; to take a husband or a wife.
trap noun	/tɹæp/	A machine or other device designed to catch (and sometimes kill) animals, either by holding them in a container, or by catching hold of part of the body.
cherry noun	/ˈt͡ʃɛɹi/	A small fruit, usually red, black or yellow, with a smooth hard seed and a short hard stem.
trauma noun	/ˈtɹɔm.ə/	Any injury to the body of a living thing.
punish verb	/ˈpʌnɪʃ/	To cause (a child, student, or someone else being looked after, or a suspect or criminal) to suffer for crime or misconduct, to administer disciplinary action…
manipulate verb	/məˈnɪp.jʊ.leɪt/	To move, arrange or operate something using the hands

Phrasal verbs you will hear

Word	Pronunciation	Meaning
go through verb		To travel from one end of something to the other.
grow up verb		To mature and become an adult.
go out verb		To leave, especially a building.
sit down verb		To assume a sitting position from a standing position.
beat up verb		To give a severe beating to; to assault violently with repeated blows.
come out verb	/ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/	To be discovered; to be revealed.
dig up verb		To excavate something.
get out of verb		To leave, exit or escape from; to become free of.

Sentences worth repeating

Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:

I'm running with both feet in my hands.
I'm running away from men.
I didn't want to live.
Don't turn to your parents.
It's through your physical pain.

Grammar in this video

The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:

Structure	In the video
Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now	have struggled · have matched · has always been
Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it	were born · was born · are treated
Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing	people who will · people who had · people who really
Verb + -ing enjoy, keep, stop… + -ing — verbs that are followed by the -ing form	started doing · kept telling · started working

Pronunciation to watch

The speaker uses 129 contractions and reduced forms, such as I'm, don't, you're. Say them the short way, as you hear them.

The “th” sounds: ethic /ˈɛθ.ɪk/, thick /θɪk/, breathe /bɹiːð/, therapist /ˈθɛɹəpɪst/
The “sh” and “zh” sounds: shock /ʃɔk/, reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/, punish /ˈpʌnɪʃ/, establishment /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ.mənt/, emotionally /ɪˈməʊʃənəli/
Long words — get the stress right: reputation /ˌɹɛpjʊˈteɪʃən/, successfully /səkˈsɛs.fə.li/, manipulate /məˈnɪp.jʊ.leɪt/, establishment /ɪˈstæb.lɪʃ.mənt/, apologize /əˈpɑləˌd͡ʒaɪz/

How to practise with this video

Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like cousin, sacrifice, shock.

What is the Shadowing Technique?

Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.

Shadowing technique: read the full step-by-step guide →

Shadowing Practice: Don't marry your cousin - STORYTIME - Learn English Speaking with Video

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