Shadowing Practice: How to Flirt Naturally - Learn English Speaking with Video
Creating lesson...
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When we're nervous, there's a jitteriness to us.
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And we not, if you think of like, what's people pleasing energy?
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When someone says something, as soon as you find a moment halfway through the sentence where you can agree with what they're saying, you start to nod quickly, right?
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That's people pleasing energy.
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It's the opposite of seduction.
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It's the opposite of flirtation.
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If you haven't already subscribed to the new YouTube channel for the podcast, you can do
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so at love life podcast channel where you can watch the entire video episode uh as they come out
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which i know a lot of people have been enjoying let's go around the room
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and each say like what's the first thing that comes to mind when you think of what flirting looks like?
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I think it means showing a certain degree of interest in someone.
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I have this model where it's like interest plus challenge flirting,
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which we've said before, but I think of it as giving someone just a little bit more notice than usual.
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Like I might notice something about someone, even if I was like, um, I really like your dimples when you smile,
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or even if I was just like um even
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if I would slow down with them
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and have a bit more eye contact be a little more
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expressive be a little more intrigued like noticing something about their personality be like you seem like you know even
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if it was like they like spicy food
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or something being like oh you like spicy food as well that's cool I'm into that like even just showing
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I acknowledge something about you that that triggered something in me and I'm noticing it
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now for some people they'll hear the dimples one
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and they'll be like oh my god I couldn't say
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that to someone is that something you think can be said on a first date
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or is that a second date thing or is
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that a before you've even gotten a date with someone thing yeah
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so I the physical one I would more come when you have
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when you're like vibing on a date
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and it's going well then you could like start go to a visual
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so that's like hour two of a day right it's going
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well hour two you're vibing then you can go to a
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physical you might start more with someone's style again a behavior even
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if it's a shared thing like oh you did
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that as well you like you're adventurous like that like oh i like
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that like i like that about you all right that's cool i really like
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that me too or i'm really into that like it's you know even
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if you just go oh i'm so glad you're into
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that i really love that as well like it's
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so cool to meet someone who is you know nerdy as well who is whatever adventurous
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or the old paris hilton phrase that's hot that's hot yeah it's just adding
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that wait is that paris hilton yeah that's her catchphrase she'd be like that's hot
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so thank you but some people are confident enough to even just say like um i like that jacket is hot Well,
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what I like about that is there's a difference between platonic language and desire language.
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And by the way, there's a difference between love language too, right?
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Platonic language is the language of friendship.
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It's the language of our buddies.
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Desire language is the language of sexual tension.
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And love language is the desire of intimate connection.
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And what you just said, if you say that, that's a hot jacket.
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which by the way can be said as a very throwaway
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comment it doesn't need to be said as like a very intense comment
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if you're like that's a hot jacket i like that jacket that's desire language
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you're draw your you if you know if a family member said to you
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that they wouldn't say that's a hot jacket they say that's such a nice jacket right
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but someone you're flirting with using the word hot immediately charges it yeah like
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if someone said someone could say that jacket makes your shoulders look big
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and if you're like is that a good thing
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and they'd be like oh definitely like even if they said it like
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that in that way you're like oh they're like they're flirtatious don't say
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that to a woman don't say it to a woman
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that was a very gendered example but yeah
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that kind of thing about oh yeah that's definitely a good thing like
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that kind of thing
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and saying it matter-of-factly it doesn't have to be like oh i'm turning on the movie version of flirting
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which is a little very like cliche i also like to
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remove i i don't want people to get the impression you always have to use desire language
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and everything you say as well i mean we were david talking about the example the other day of like
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if you saw if you were on a video call with someone
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or even if you saw on their dating profile
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that they had like a you know a princess mononoke poster on their wall
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and you realize from that that they're into studio ghibli film
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these are these japanese animated films
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that we love you could literally send them a message on an app
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and be like um i spied
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that mononoke poster on your wall you know well played sir like
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that would be a flirtatious comment
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or do you want to know the reason the main reason
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i swiped right why you're princess mononoke that's good that's like the sweet version of flirting
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A lot of people are worried that they're going to come across too sexual
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if they try and flirt What's nice about that is it's not sexual at all, right?
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But it does carry an energy with it
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And I think that's the way we have to start thinking about flirting Is
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that there's a certain energy to flirting So I want to keep going around I was going to ask you, what do you think of when you think of flirting?
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I think one of the things I've noticed in people who struggle with flirting is that they are always one tempo.
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So they will typically, the anti-flirting tempo is fast.
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If you think of seduction, the connotation with seduction tempo-wise is slow.
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When you are beginning to go into seduction mode, as I'm not saying you towards them, but
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when together in unison you're moving towards this more seductive phase things start to slow down a bit like slow r&b
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like slow r&b very seductive very seductive like usher where is
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this music coming from this is this is a good flirting tip if someone is telling you something on a date
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and you are finding it not just interesting, but really attractive.
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Maybe they're talking passionately about something that they care about.
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You see their eyes light up.
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Observe them as they're talking.
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Almost make it so that it's like you're listening to them.
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You are hearing them.
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But there's also a part of you that is clearly just observing them right now as an attractive human being.
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and when you do rather than punctuating every point they make with yeah yeah oh wow oh okay interesting
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which is like you're i i think of flirting like this
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kind of i don't know i what's the right way to
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say it it's like a water balloon that's like like being filled up
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and it's growing the tension is growing every time like someone's talking
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and you're like oh that's interesting oh wow oh cool it's
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like you're popping the balloon yeah every time you just keep saying something
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or like punctuating what they say with a little remark you're you're you're popping the balloon
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and so it never actually builds up any tension but
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if instead someone's telling you something
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and they start to notice you noticing them you're not saying anything you're looking at them
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and they can tell you're kind of also staring at them at the same time as listening to them
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and you start to slow down and you really make eye contact while they're speaking, that can be a real form of flirting,
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but that requires you to slow down and be more present.
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When I've done, you know, TV show,
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I've done multiple TV shows in my life where they have put me in some back room with monitors around me,
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watching someone on a date, whoever is the kind of contestant on the show, who's the subject of the show,
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they will be on a date or multiple dates, speed dating, and I will listen in with an earpiece to what they're doing.
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And it's amazing how many people go through entire dates where there's no flirtatious energy and only anxious energy.
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And if I were to say, what's the hallmark of that, I would say it's speed.
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It's like everything is sped up.
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The conversation is sped up.
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The way they gesture.
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Gesturing can be a really powerful thing body language wise.
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But if you speed it up, it starts to just, gesturing just starts to register as anxious body language.
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The number of times they say yes, yeah, oh, mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, yeah.
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Like even on, it's funny, even if you watch a podcast, there are podcasts where the list,
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the person who's listening keeps making affirmative noises.
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And even that can disrupt the flow.
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And that's not a flirtatious situation, but it's a good example.
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On a date, the same thing happens.
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Listen to how many times you make affirmative noises instead of just taking someone in.
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What about nodding?
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yeah nodding's fine
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but again like how quick do you do these things like are you like try slowing down your movements
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because when we're nervous there's a jitteriness to us and we not
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if you think of like what's people pleasing energy
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when someone says something as soon as you find a moment
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halfway through the sentence where you can agree with what they're
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saying you start to nod quickly right that's people pleasing energy it's the opposite of seduction it's the opposite of flirtation.
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So we have to learn how to slow down.
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That, by the way, that doesn't mean
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that the reason I said tempo is important in flirtation is not because there's only one tempo that's good.
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You should be mixing it up.
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When you're passionate about something, you can get a little more
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animated and you can speed up a little bit because sometimes the passion comes across in like,
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you know, wanting to get something out and speaking faster.
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But are you then able to pause and slow down?
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And in that contrast between those tempos, there's an attraction that gets created.
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You know, it's so funny.
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My three words, you've kind of, you've said two of them is, was tension, contrast, and it's not a word, but being in control.
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And I agree with everything you said,
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about to me flirting is building tension um it's creating contrast you're having a certain kind of energy one moment
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and then you almost kind of hit them with something
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that really surprises them and then you move on again
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so for example you might be like um
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and actually i think i said this to you early on
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in us dating this is this is kind of funny i'm
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interested i don't i think Have you said this to me before?
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I think, I don't know, but I remember that you were having spicy food, and I love spicy food, and I said to you something along the lines of,
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I think people, I think it says a lot about someone when they like spicy food.
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Don't you agree?
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Stephen, this is validation for your spicy food comment.
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Yeah.
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I said, I think it's really attractive when people like spicy food.
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I think it says a lot about them.
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But that's quite sexual, I think.
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It's very sexual.
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It's kind of implying, but I said it.
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Was it date one?
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Was it when we went to the Italian?
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No, because we didn't have spicy food.
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We didn't have spicy food.
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There's never spicy food in Italian.
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I don't know when it was, but I remember we were talking about it.
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Maybe we were just talking about food.
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I don't know.
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But I remember that.
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But then I would have just then moved on to a different conversation.
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I wouldn't have lingered there.
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I wouldn't have put you in a situation where you're like then uncomfortably trying to work out what to respond to it.
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Instead, you move on from it.
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And as quickly as you dropped it there, it's gone.
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and I think that's sort of attractive
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because people are like oh I was I haven't even thought of a response yet
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and they kind of feel it disarms them a little bit um
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and it doesn't put that pressure on them
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and then the in control piece I think is really important
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which is the best thing the best flirting advice
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that I can give I think is
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when you're flirting just think about it as I'm doing it
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for myself I'm not doing it for a result I'm doing it to try and push some buttons get some responses, try and see if I can create a bit of energy,
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but I'm not doing it for them.
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I'm not doing it to get some kind of response from them or, you know, to make them like me or whatever.
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I'm just doing it because I'm having fun with it.
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And that kind of almost slightly cocky, confident, sure of yourself energy is really useful in flirting.
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Because when I make that comment about spicy food, I don't want anything from you.
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I'm just letting you know that that's what I think and
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that I'm a sexual person and that I think you know whatever
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and it's kind of like it's not for you
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that comment it's for me and
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if you want to know more about it you have to basically step in
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and play the game with me and I think there's something to
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that so yeah tension contrast and being in control
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and we mean no offense to anyone listening who doesn't enjoy
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spicy food There might be a demon in the sack I love cheesy pasta I love cheesy pasta too
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There ain't nothing wrong with beige food We mean not to say
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that you are not a sexual being If you don't like spicy You can still be spicy and not like spicy
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To me, one of the things this conversation shows Is that
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when we're trying to flirt more Or figure out how we can create more attraction with someone, it's not always easy to pinpoint exactly what that looks like.
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And a lot of people are very bad at telling us.
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They just don't know.
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They'll tell us, you need to flirt more.
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You need to have more fun.
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You need to build more tension, but they don't give us the specific ways of doing it.
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And for me, after years of doing this, what I know is it's like a language.
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It's like learning a language.
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And sometimes we're not speaking that language.
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We're not speaking the language of attraction that makes someone feel like they can't afford not to see us again.
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And that might be because we're afraid.
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It might be because we don't want to get rejected.
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It might be because we were married for 15 years
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or 20 years and now we find ourselves single again and we're just not on that wavelength of creating attraction.
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Either way, if you want to learn what that language looks like,
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we have a free guide called The Nine Texts where we've put together nine specific messages that you can use immediately.
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They're done for you to build tension, create attraction, and flirt.
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And you'll actually see what that language looks like.
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So you can download this.
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It's free at ninetexts.com.
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You can use the number nine, texts.com.
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You can use these either exactly as they are, or you can make them your own.
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But what's great about these is you can actually use them to create more attraction with the people you're dating.
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And this can help with things not fizzling out, not fading, and actually turning into something more real.
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Ninetexts.com is that link.
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Download that now.
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Thank you.
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Vocabulary and speaking notes for this lesson
This B2 speaking lesson is built on the video “How to Flirt Naturally”. The speaker keeps coming back to these words: language, flirting, spicy, date, energy. This video has 233 sentences and 2799 words to shadow. The speech runs for 16:36. The speaker talks at a natural 169 words per minute, close to everyday conversation. 85% of the words are among the 3,000 most common in English; the rest is worth studying before you start.
Key vocabulary in this video
The 15 most advanced words in the video, with pronunciation and meaning:
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| flirt verb | /flɚt/ | To throw (something) with a jerk or sudden movement; to fling. |
| spicy adjective | /ˈspaɪsi/ | Of, pertaining to, or containing spice. |
| tempo noun | /ˈtɛm.poʊ/ | A frequency or rate. |
| attraction noun | /əˈtɹækʃn̩/ | The tendency to attract. |
| seduction noun | /sɪˈdʌk.ʃn̩/ | The act of seducing. |
| flirtatious adjective | /flɚˈteɪʃəs/ | Of or pertaining to flirtation. |
| podcast noun | /ˈpɑdˌkæst/ | A program, especially an audio program, produced on a regular basis, delivered over the Internet in a compressed digital format and designed for playback on… |
| flirtation noun | /flɚˈteɪʃn̩/ | Playing at courtship; coquetry. |
| seductive adjective | /sɪˈdʌktɪv/ | Attractive, alluring, tempting. |
| gesture noun | /ˈd͡ʒɛs.t͡ʃɚ/ | A motion of the limbs or body, especially one made to emphasize speech. |
| balloon noun | /bəˈlun/ | An inflatable buoyant object, often (but not necessarily) round and flexible. |
| adventurous adjective | /ædˈvɛn.t͡ʃɚ.əs/ | Inclined to adventure; willing to take risks; prone to embark on hazardous enterprises; daring. |
| animate adjective | /ˈæn.ə.mət/ | That lives. |
| dimple noun | /ˈdɪm.pəl/ | A small depression or indentation in a surface. |
| jitteriness noun | The state of being jittery |
Phrasal verbs you will hear
| Word | Pronunciation | Meaning |
|---|---|---|
| slow down verb | To decelerate. | |
| come across verb | To change sides; to cross over to work for the opposition. | |
| go around verb | To move or spread from person to person. | |
| build up verb | To erect; to construct. | |
| come out verb | /ˌkʌm ˈaʊt/ | To be discovered; to be revealed. |
| figure out verb | To come to understand; to discover or find a solution; to deduce. | |
| fill up verb | To make (something) completely full. | |
| go through verb | To travel from one end of something to the other. |
Sentences worth repeating
Short, complete lines from the video that you can reuse in everyday conversation:
- When we're nervous, there's a jitteriness to us.
- It's the language of our buddies.
- You know, it's so funny.
- It's kind of implying, but I said it.
- No, because we didn't have spicy food.
Grammar in this video
The structures the speaker uses most, with the exact words from the video:
| Structure | In the video |
|---|---|
| Present perfect have/has + past participle — a past action that still matters now | haven't already subscribed · we've said · you've even gotten |
| Passive voice be + past participle — the focus is on what happens, not who does it | can be said · be said · being filled |
| Relative clauses who / which + clause — extra information about a person or thing | someone who is · people who struggle |
Pronunciation to watch
The speaker uses 103 contractions and reduced forms, such as you're, I'm, don't. Say them the short way, as you hear them.
- The “sh” and “zh” sounds: attraction /əˈtɹækʃn̩/, seduction /sɪˈdʌk.ʃn̩/, flirtatious /flɚˈteɪʃəs/, flirtation /flɚˈteɪʃn̩/, anxious /ˈæŋkʃəs/
- Long words — get the stress right: adventurous /ædˈvɛn.t͡ʃɚ.əs/, affirmative /əˈfɝməɾɪv/, connotation /ˌkɑnəˈteɪʃən/, passionately /ˈpæʃənətli/, validation /ˌvæl.əˈdeɪ.ʃən/
How to practise with this video
- Listen to the whole video once without speaking and note the words you do not know.
- Start at 0.75× speed, shadow it sentence by sentence, then go back to normal speed once it feels easy.
- Record yourself and compare with the original, paying attention to words like flirt, spicy, tempo.
What is the Shadowing Technique?
Shadowing is a science-backed language learning technique originally developed for professional interpreter training and popularized by polyglot Dr. Alexander Arguelles. The method is simple but powerful: you listen to native English audio and immediately repeat it out loud — like a shadow following the speaker with just a 1–2 second delay. Unlike passive listening or grammar drills, shadowing forces your brain and mouth muscles to simultaneously process and reproduce real speech patterns. Research shows it significantly improves pronunciation accuracy, intonation, rhythm, connected speech, listening comprehension, and speaking fluency — making it one of the most effective methods for IELTS Speaking preparation and real-world English communication.